#✘ // The Romance of Fledgling Gods; Kaen.

[astarab1aze]

They've been staring. Again. Which is not exactly unusual, but the pressure of burning gaze must truthfully be unbearable— "can Ah see?" Silence breaks with single, well-meaning question. And in truth, the godling barely asks for anything ( though, they realize, this might be the hardest thing to request of loux ). "Ah mean- wit'out th' glamours an' all. Can... can Ah...?" Their confidence in the ask fades the second time, turning to a meager muttering of own voice, claws futzing and eyes glancing away.

Loux'd been up to his usual shtick - minding his own business, grinding his own flesh into a powder to be used in potions later when he had the time to sit down and brew them, the rest of him rippling and vibrating and changing and weakening after days on end of sleeplessness and despicable, foul actions-- Not an inch of his body was clean under his robes, blood perhaps still under his fingernails, dry and flaky now. Unmerciful, cruel, to prove a point he was getting tired of proving. Intimidated as he was by the Red Hand, he would not allow their sleights to slide - this game of sabotage and retaliation, manipulation and murder would not stand. Too many valuable clients stolen from him, coerced into abandoning existing contracts and agreements - and all so he would be forced into reducing his prices. So he went after their personal supply lines, slaughtered several of their smugglers, and burnt three safe houses that he knew of to the ground, clawed at the ankles by the vampires daring to pull one over on him - as if he could ever allow himself to be trounced by the vilest creatures to ever walk the earth.

Blows to his pride, among other things, throttled his present mind, lulled him into a malformed sense of urgency and preparation, so focused on rushing through the processes again and again and again. The storm of his gaze flit about but did not linger, and he paced this way and that across his hovel, fluidly purposed yet entirely transfixed on the task at hand. Too much to do, too little time; If he didn't finish this quickly enough and get the next batch started, then he wouldn't have enough time to heal his leftover wounds. Days old by now, still just as gross as the day he got them - and they would not heal; Ice burns never healed. Frankly, it was a miracle he was even able to get up that morning, let alone change the bandages. His chest still ached, every breath an unenviable wheeze, and he was so very tired, everything constructing his careful facade one by one falling away.

Kaen's questioning hadn't helped matters any. Ordinarily, he might've been angry, defensive, lashed out with violence and a sharp tongue, had they been anyone else. But their heart was in the right place, curiosity urged on by a vague urgency neither could rightly understand in truth. Emotions always muddled things, and hearts were fickle, tragic beasts - his had been no exception, recoiling at even the gentlest of efforts as if his skin would tear off at the slightest pull. How pathetic was he, then, to race past them like his ass was on fire, and for each and every one of his illusions to fall away, revealing the ugliness of his face and body for the deerling to see? Ugliness; Throat torn open by long, gnarled claws, right side of his face partitioned down from the eye and across his nose, lips shorn, so much of the back left half of him missing, lost to countless ice burns, claw and bite marks so large and so wide it seemed as if whatever'd tried to kill him then was certain to have eaten him, twisting veins and sunfire canyons trailing after the nerves, blackened, destroyed- There was hardly anything left of him, mottled and in utter disrepair, wordlessly offered as Loux continued on his frantic dash around his home, telekinetically gathering what he needed, vanishing other things, hunting hunting hunting--

He would allow them to see, but if he stopped and acknowledged it beyond the confines of his barely-together mind, he wasn't so sure he could keep his cool anymore. And Kaen was the last person he wanted to subject to his volatility. Not right now. Not when he needed--

He palmed at his face with dirty palms and crusty fingernails, feeling the grooves of his scars beneath them - he felt sick. So sick. Illusions shattered, his ineptitude made real and tangible, called for the fraud he was by vampires so snide and smug as the Red Hand. What was he to do but give in to the taunting banging on his skull like a drum? Satisfying a curiosity to only shame himself, display all that he's survived and can never heal from - all that he rightfully deserved. He had no business feeling sorry for himself. The world was cruel, but he was crueller, and he cared little for the consequences of his actions, the tempers he flared and the boundaries he broke. This was deserved, a punishment. To be rendered a disfigured mockery of the boy he once was, no longer a person but a walking reminder of pain caused, damage done, responsibility yet to be truly taken. His lungs squeezed out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, and all at once he came to an abrupt stop, fist pounding into the wall beside him for him to lean on for support. Everything was so hot, sweat beading down the sides of his face, eyes burning with acrid smoke signifying an emotional response he couldn't physically have- He grit his teeth, head running at full speed, reeling. It was starting to hurt, the bags under his eyes heavier than the weight of all the world.

[astarab1aze]

It was almost funny, watching the wheels turn 'round and 'round in Kaen's head, trying to make sense of Loux's decidedly out of character side-step. Suffice to say, it wasn't that he didn't want to - quite, quite the opposite in fact - but he wasn't so wild a creature that he couldn't respect certain boundaries, whether the person he was with made much mention of their own or not. No, he needed to take care especially then, lest he spoil or otherwise ruin what could, should, and he wanted to be a mutually grand time. Less poetic, more single-mindedly focused on the simplicity of an easy, comfortable, fun experience for all involved - because, yes, contrary to appearances, he really did care a great deal more than it seemed...

But that was neither here nor there. What he wanted ultimately didn't matter and he could say the same for his intentions. Kaen's perception of him is what mattered most, and now they knew, without much effort, he was a tease and, perhaps, too well endowed for his own good- but he was willing, experienced, and he wanted them. Easier to show, to act, than to string together the right words, especially when their curiosity spurred him on. They knew he was down bad in more than just a few ways, could see him for the obnoxious pervert he was, and if they still wanted to next time, he would oblige. Still, he was sure they might come to regret it, one day.

"Well, ain'cha?" he hummed, jamming his hands into his pants pockets and rolling each of his shoulders. "Special, I mean, 'cause yer prolly right, haha." A crooked grin split his shaggy features and he shifted his weight, never once looking away from them. They really were cute, freckled, green and copper and gold all at once- yet pure, in a sense. Small, in a way that inspired the bits and pieces of prey drive he might've still had in him- He almost snickered. Preposterous. "Big, big sex guy, y'know? S'ow y'can best find out 'bout a person an' connect wit 'em at th' same time, a'east t' me. 'm not so good wit m' words where it counts, fer better or fer worse. Touchin', kissin', fuckin' like th' world's stopped 'round jus th' two o' us- Jus m' kinda jam. Th' kinda thing ya don' really ferget too easy, yanno? Buh nex' time, nex' time. Scout's honor."

Godling takes to wondering if , perhaps , the reason for his r e f u s a l ( the rejection , even ) is at all due in part to the fact they are obvious in their inexperience ( not as if they intend to be , try as they like , kaen cannot quite disconnect from how sincerely innocent they are ) .  Did their hesitation put him off ?  Did their stammering seem unappealing ?  Whatever the case , it is likely a slight m e r c y that Loux denies them ( both ) from pursuing the inevitable.  No matter how much Kaen trusts him , puts their faith in him , it is not something they are adequately prepared for ( & in truth , it is not something they’ve the appetite for , either ) .

Mouth opens , likely about to spit out of one of their usual apologies ( as if any of this requires fault or blame ) , before promptly shutting it the instant he slings an arm around their shoulders , planting a sloppy kiss to the corner of their eye , making them s q u i r m and g r u m b l e , palms pushing at his chest ( though not in dismissal ) .  Kaen swipes at their face , smearing away the spittle he left behind , their lip jutting in a POUT .  ❝ Tha’s fair , Ah guess , ❞ They huff , ears perking up again slightly , their natural glow returning.  ❝ Ah’ll ‘old ye ta’ a ‘ next time ’ , though.  Whene’er tha’ ‘appens. ❞

Kaen jumps slightly when he swats their flank , making their furred tail bristle like a frazzled feline , the stones dappling their cheeks CRACKLING & SHIMMERING erratically with the gesture.  They rub their rump , giving him a feigned wounded look , as if he h u r t them by doing so ( though he certainly didn’t , they’re used to his antics by now ) .  ❝ Ah’m surprised , ‘onestly.  Tha’ ye wanna wait at all , ❞ They admit , antlered head cocking , ❝ N- not tha’ Ah t’ink ‘s ‘cause ye dun’ wan’ me ‘r anyt’in’ but … Ah dunno.  It jus’ doesnae seem like ye. ❞  A pause.  ❝ Kinda’ makes m’feel special , in a way , y’know ?  Like ye c a r e . ❞

[astarab1aze]

smash or pass ... kaen for BOTH hydre and loux. hit me with it.

smash or pass meme

"Don' be silly, ma cherie, 'course I'd smash. As iffin I ain't be tryna smash anyways. Buh I been good, yanno? 'm jus a physical guy. Like touchin', gropin', squeezin', nibblin' too. Can ya blame me? I find ya attractive, an' awful as 'm wit words, 'm 'ere righ' now, tellin' ya 'm down. Buh tis all on you 'ere." Well, not really. He was truthful, but also not entirely, some part of him worried, getting cold feet. How unlike him! He didn't want to ruin it, you see. "Jus gimma all th' deets, talk t' me, an' I'll make ya shiver, ma cherie~"

"Smashing is just fucking, right? Why, do you want to?" He licked his lips and grinned. "I think we can manage something quick, but next time, you'll have to let me eat you properly, take a few bites, taste you... But for now, we can go someplace quiet or we can do something a little more risky. It's up to you, Kaen, unless you want me to make the choice for you. In which case, I can take my time--"

[astarab1aze]

for once it is the faun who makes a pest of themself, beseeching loux's attention ( whether granted or not ) , 'til small figure flings itself upon his lap and curls up there, refusing to be budged; rather stubborn when they feel prone to be. they hum softly, eyes drifting shut. "would y'like me better if ah was on fire?" an odd question, seems to have a second meaning-- "ah'd burn fer ye, loux. ah'd burn th' whole werld fer ye... if y'asked..."

There came a time Loux was decidedly too tired to be his usual chipper, playful self. Where he once might've been a bit of an animal, groping at the deerling, he'd altogether kept his hands to himself as they climbed into his lap, humming some silly thing under their breath - sobering. Instead, he gently pawed at them, lazily embracing them like this.

It was sweet, implying something more figurative than literal, and he caught their meaning straight away. But he wasn't so sure what he wanted this time, or if he was right to take what they were offering - apologetic, suddenly, at their admission. His reasons were many, flickers of morality and humanity shining through when the fox could be vulnerable; And that's what this was, wasn't it? Meeting together, doing this, doing other things, nipping and pawing at one another like animals when it suited them, strange affections and much exploration blending them together in a-- Waxing poetic on anything was never his wheelehouse, not that he was afraid of looking like an idiot (sometimes, that was part of his charm).

He nosed into their their until he bumped into an antler, and there he nuzzled slowly, gently. He couldn't imagine them burning on a pyre, in fields set aflame; He'd have much preferred them elsewise, alive. Maybe he was taking that too literally, maybe he was doing that on purpose. Maybe the truth was, he didn't think Kaen should go burning themself for him, no matter how they felt - no matter how he felt. Consumptive, temptable, and impulsive he was, he wasn't an asshole, not really, but he wasn't sure it would be wise for them to declare any feelings for him. He had a pretty bad track record with getting people he cared for killed, wouldn't it be a shame to them to the list?

Whatever Kaen was in truth, they could still die, couldn't they? Why so ever would he involve them in his life at the whims of his heart when he could and would fail them? And why couldn't he stop himself from doing it?

"Can definitely warm ya up, iffin tha's wha'cha wan'," he hummed against their crown, stormy eyes sagging shut, fingers skimming their arm. "Buh if yer tired, maybe we oughtta take a nap, huh? 'm pretty sleepy m'self, we can talk later, 'kay? C'mon--"

[astarab1aze]

Both brows lofted then, at Kaen's rattling, their nerves clear as the blush on their freckly cheeks and the pin of their ears. It was cute, belying a lack of experience and perhaps a long unwillingness to try. The rat running around in his head would've had him take advantage of that, tease and tease and tease some more, but he didn't feel right about it, and he pulled his pants up the rest of the way.

Kaen's words were encouraging that rat, speaking to it in sweet, shaky tones. As much as he'd have liked to take them into his arms and watch as they eased themself down on his cock - just the one - he felt smarmy, like in some way he'd pressured them to do something they wouldn't ordinarily, and it was never his intention to take. Only to share and enjoy, have the deerling let themself close their eyes and-- Yes, the rat. It was an unfair prospect, in his mind, and like as not he was to get cold feet, he readjusted his clothes and slung an arm around Kaen's shoulders as if nothing at all had happened.

"Nah, 'm only jokin', ma cherie," he crooned, forehead pressing into their temple, stormy gray tracing a path between the freckles on their cheek. He let his nose brush against it slowly, gently, grin firmly intact. "'Sides, wouldn' wan' ya t' do somethin' ya don' seem ready fer. Look atcha, all tha' spittin' an' sputterin' an' th' blushenest cheeks--" He barked a warm laugh, leaving a sloppy kiss an inch from the corner of their eye. Then, quieter, deeper, purring, "Buh iffin ya wan' an inch, I'll give ya th' whole mile, sweet'eart - nex' time, maybe I'll 'ave ya beggin', yeah?"

And he pulled away, adding a bit of flair with a well-timed, noisy, but harmless tap on Kaen's ass, a fiendish look on the fox's face. Exaggerated, playful, willing his erections to go down so he could quickly rid himself of one and ignore the other. He licked his lips and pat their shoulder, free hand sweeping away a stray curl or two.

"'orny as I am, 'm thinkin' waitin's the bes' thing we can do."

Poor creature looks fit to faint , about ready to set a f l a m e right there on the spot at the scene unfolding in front of them ( all bark , no bite , isn’t that how the saying goes ? & your obvious inexperience becomes you , makes you look a fool ) .  Not uncommon does Kaen shoot themself in the foot for running their mouth in such a way , but somehow t h i s ⸺ THIS IS TOO MUCH .  If only because it is coming from Loux , the man made as PERFECT FOIL to all they are ( & what a bastard , he always is — how they’d like to beat him with his own endowment purely to prove the point ! how they’d like to ) .

Insult to injury , indeed ( must he goad them like this ? ) ⸺ 

❝ Dun’ do tha’ — ! ❞ Cannot help but snap at him , eyes following his motions whether own gaze be intentional or not.  Despite themself , perhaps in spite of themself , Kaen cannot deny how RATTLED they are , with stones upon face brazen-burning and own hair crackling brightly , now they think they can be absolved by turning up nose , AVERTING THEIR EYES with a bratty scoff as if at all disinterested ( which would be a lie ) .  The godling may be able to knock him off-kilter with kindness and tenderness , but he holds the aces in this realm ; there’s no competition , no matter how h a r d they try to counter him each time they go about this perverse little routine ( one might think it endearing ) .  And just like e v e r y other time , he’s got them beat.

❝ … 7-8 would be too tight a fit , ❞ Well , ONE MORE prod won’t hurt.  Kaen grits their teeth , sharp points grinding as they try to rein in the rampant rush of their mind and pulse.  They r e f u s e to allow themself to be so heavily impacted.  But they are.  After a moment , they look back at him , a frown in place and ears pinned.  ❝ Ne’er was one t’turn away th’ challenge , though. ❞  A beat , allowing time for the implication to sink in.  ❝ B’sides , ❞ Finally unrooted from the s h o c k of it all , the faun moves , perhaps uncertainly , approaching the shifter , standing near enough to feel his presence – the HEAT which sifts between their bodies , the tangled up knots of TENSION – and no further.  Lips twist into a slight smile , antlered head canting.  ❝ Y’know me , Ah t’ink Ah'd prefer ye at yer bes’. E'ry inch o' ye. ❞