#♞ The Ballad of Mona Lisa || Crack

[demon-prosecuted]

"I'm sorry for booping you so much please don't be mad at me." He's looking at Miles like a pathetic wet cat.

DEEP SIGH.

Grabs the misting bottle from his shelf.

❝ Five second head start. Beginning now. ❞

[demon-prosecuted]

❝ I can't believe I'm-- ❞ In love with ❝ --friends with this man. ❞

[demon-prosecuted]

No, no. He's right and he should say it. Please save him from Oldbag.

[demon-prosecuted]

look at my prosecutor dog, my ass is going to jail.

[demon-prosecuted]

❝ I let Blackquill prosecute a Palafin. ❞ Admittedly, the Pokemon wasn't guilty - thanks, Phoenix. ❝ There's a precedent. I could prosecute a bird god of death. ❞

[demon-prosecuted]

ITS COCKTOBER 😈🌚🍂🍃🍁 AND IF YOU👈🏽 ARE GETTING THIS👇🏽😘 IT MEANS UR A HALLOWEEN 👻🎃 HOE😏😩👅💦

BOO!! Sorry did I scare you?! WASSUP GURL😉😉😊 ITS COCKTOBER 😈🌚🍂🍃🍁 AND IF YOU👈🏽 ARE GETTING THIS👇🏽😘 IT MEANS UR A HALLOWEEN 👻🎃 HOE😏😩👅💦 every year in Cocktober the jack o slut🎃 comes to life🙀😻🙌🏽👏👏🙌🏽 coming to harvest 🍁🍂🍃 his hoes for THOT-O-WEEN😏😏💥💥🎈🎂🎉 send this to 10 other Halloween Hoes or else you a TRICK🎃👻👻 🎃 IF YOU GET 4 BACK UR A THOT-O-WEEN TREAT😋 IF YOU GET 6 BACK UR A SLUTTY WITCH BITCH👄😍✨🔮 BUT IF YOU GET 10 BACK UR THE SPOOKIEST SLUT ON THE BLOCK😜💦⚰🎉🎉💯🎃 If you don’t send this to 1️⃣0️⃣other thots💁😩👄 you will get NO DICK 👋 this COCKTOBER🎃😉😜

He lets out a long, disappointed sigh. Spam messages are certainly.. unique nowadays. He supposes it's better than the alternative - reminding him to vote through attacking the opposition.

But.. Where on Earth did the sender (He hopes it's a bot, and not a real person) get the idea that he's ever.. had sexual encounters.

❝ Good grief.. ❞ He hovers his mouse over the delete button. ❝ What gave this thing the idea that I'd ever be interested in such things? ❞

The only adult content in his browsing history is his occasional dives into the E-rated section of Ao3's MagiSteel fics. And that's fairly uncommon and always incognito. Must be because of his age demographic, location, or something else entirely.

[demon-prosecuted]

He is no longer being nice. The constant unwanted touch because of this "bloop counter" is being returned with force. He is not booping - he is whacking people's arms.

(None of it is hard enough to cause damage, not unless he manages to whack a bruise or something)

[demon-prosecuted]

Giratina evil boops Edgeworth. They know he can see them.

❝ Wheeeeze-- ❞ Oh good god, what the fuck was that?? Please tell him he's going insane and is simply seeing things. That's far better than the alternatives.

❝ Why-- What-- The hell.. Oh.. Oh god it touched me. I'm going to die. ❞

[demon-prosecuted]

Someone please tell him what overstimulation is and that he's currently experiencing it from the boop barrage. He's getting irrationally angry at simple things now, like a notification appearing on his silenced phone screen, or the slight vibrations caused from somebody walking.

[demon-prosecuted]

❝ Oh my GOD?? Stop touching me?? I don't care about your "Bloop Counter" or whatever is going on--!! ❞

[demon-prosecuted]

❝ Wait, what's going-- ❞

❝ --on.. ❞

EDGEWORTH HAS BEEN BOOPED.

[demon-prosecuted]

❝ If a ghost wanted to possess me, I'd probably go, "Alright. Take it from here." ❞

[demon-prosecuted]

“Life hard ahead. Life hard behind. Treet life soft in present.”

❝ Nghooh--?? ❞

Is that-- Is that a talking plushie? Surely it's just spouting off some pre-recorded line. One that is eerily applicable to his life, and sounds like something Pearl would maybe--

He's overthinking this.

❝ Ngh, verily. ❞ He's not going to talk to a plush toy... Right? ❝ But the phrasing could be improved. ❞

[demon-prosecuted]

@procksecutor replied:

"Get better friends."

❝ Unfortunately, they have bonded to me like stray kittens selecting their human. ❞

[demon-prosecuted]

I find it hilarious how Edgeworth, more or less, secured his promotion to Chief Prosecutor through one simple trick.

❝ I had all of my superiors arrested. ❞

[demon-prosecuted]

Aw, quit playing hard to get, won't you?

Sharply inhales. He does not want to veer his car off a bridge, cliff, or into oncoming traffic. He does not want to do that. He enjoys being on this mortal coil and not in physical pain. Repeat it, make it real.

No, he's going to do the right thing and leave.