#☾ ` i had a dream i got everything i wanted ; esme cullen ic .

[sapphiredhearts-a]

@roshale | closed starter

the girl hadn't been with them long and esme had been at the forefront of the campaign to get the boys to leave her be . she didn't speak much and edward had resulted to trying to read her thoughts to get an idea on how she was doing . they were concerned , both for the girl and for the family . a slip up could mess up their way of life and edward had worried when carlisle brought her home anyway . someone will notice . he had hissed in the night - fear filling his topaz eyes . she is too prominent .

they had run soon after .

now , esme spent her days gardening and decorating while carlisle split his time between renovating their new home and the new medical office where he worked . she made sure they gave rosalie her space and tried to do the same herself despite the need she felt growing in her . she wanted to comfort the girl . the blonde had a sadness in her that was palpable . . . and more than that an anger that esme knew too well . she wasn't worried what she might do . on the contrary , esme felt whatever her next actions were would probably be justified . but , she hated seeing someone else suffer . too many women had met fates such as theirs and to live with it forever . . .

well , it was a lot .

she wasn't sure what came over her that morning as she passed rosalie in the house . she didn't look directly at her - wanting to seem casual in her request . but she spoke just the same , soprano voice quiet and comforting . ' I am heading out to plant some herbs . ' she mummers in a voice she is sure the other vampire can hear . ' I know we do not eat such things ... but I find the movement calming . ' a small smile comes to her just thinking of the feeling of the dirt under her fingers .

' It can be quite lonely , though . perhaps you wouldn't mind coming along ? I have a chair in the middle you may use ... it's overcast but sometimes ... the sun can do some good . '

[sapphiredhearts-a]

she can almost see the fall in bella's emotions on the lines of her face . it isn't noticeable perhaps to a human , or maybe anyone who hadn't been what esme had been through in her lifetime , but it's there and it breaks esme's heart . when edward had first brought bella home she had been scared for this exact outcome . luckily , the danger had come tonight when they were all around . but you couldn't stop the mind from wondering exactly how bad it could have been if things had happened a second in between . of course , when she had first met bella - esme had worried more for her son and the damage this would do to the family . now , she only had eyes for bella . she is too fragile for our world . she thinks to herself with a sympathetic pang in her heart . she wishes she could make her forget them and believes edward would agree after the events of her birthday . alice was adamant that bella should turn and start a new life as someone stronger . esme would not be against having another loved one in her family but she knew the consequences when someone was turned unwillingly . rosalie , beautiful rosalie , had suffered for this same choice . she could not find it in her heart to want to condemn another and had begged carlisle to not change anyone ever again . the boys are arguing in the background - emmett and carlisle on one side and edward on the other . they are trying to calm him so that bella will be safe but esme can tell that bella can not stand to be around any of them . if she were able she might have even run home and esme could not blame her . poor child . ' oh. ' she says , surprised at bella's request . hesitantly , she steps closer just a half - step sniffing the air around them . antiseptic , she was safe . relieved , the redhead nods and tries to offer up a non - threatening smile . ' of course I will . I would say let's bid the others goodbye . . . but . . ' she shrugs , knowing it was best to leave the boys be . ' we will take carlisle's car . '

bella pulls away and gives esme a grateful smile. when esme speaks, it makes her realize that she hadn't been aware of how much the near attack with jasper had truly rattled her. seeing the bloodlust clearly written on his face made bella shiver. the hate and hunger on his face had been so clearly conveyed. jasper didn't speak to her, but his actions said: "i am the predator — you are the prey." and the cullen's would've been hiding a body instead of driving her back home if jasper had been successful. the realization is chilling. and suddenly, the idea of being in a home with seven vampires is more disturbing than anything. it's no longer a fun party between friends. it's a human alone with seven predators.

"oh, um ..." esme was right. of course she was right. being knocked into the wall hadn't exactly been on bella's list of things to do on her birthday. although carlisle said she was fine and there are no broken bones, bella feel like something did break inside her. a little bit of the spell edward had on her was broken. their relationship — the magic and danger and forbidden nature of it seems a little less like a fairytale than it was this morning. but maybe because it wasn't a fairytale; bella just didn't want to admit it.

the indistinct whispers between emmett, edward, and now carlisle grow louder, and bella feels the blood rush to her head. she doesn't want to face edward. she can't bear to face any of them actually. the only one bella feels mostly safe with at the moment is esme. there is no judgment on her face, and even if she's thinking something, she's hiding it well. bella looks back at esme looking away from the open door in shame. "you know, actually. would you be able to give me a ride home?"

[sapphiredhearts-a]

twilight tags ( cullen edition )

[sapphiredhearts-a]

it is as if she is awakened out of a deep slumber the moment esme speaks . it worries the redhead , her heart is sympathetic towards all . but she also knows all too well what it is like to be drowned in your thoughts and emotions . and being a vampire . . . well , everything is amplified to the nth degree . she couldn't imagine going through what she had emotionally after losing her son after she had turned . unlike rosalie , esme had taken easily to her new life . but then again , she had already chosen to end her life before she was taken to carlisle . waking up to something new had seemed more like a second chance . unlike rosalie , esme hadn't had anything left to lose . ' ah you misunderstood me . ' esme smiles kindly , leaning against the walls as she taps her gardening gloves against her thigh . ' I was hoping you'd get your hands dirty . the weeds have been something terrible this year . ' she's not being truthful , she had wanted the companionship . it was lonely , sometimes , with the boys . but she knew better than to push . ' of course you are not obligated . you know where to find me . ' finished , the vampire turns and goes to head out of the door to her left . right before going around the corner she pauses and without turning to look back at rosalie speaks once more . ' for what it is worth - you are not insufferable . '

     NO ONE was forcing her to stay forever . in fact , it had seemed from the start that the younger one -- edward -- wanted her to part ways . but carlisle , her creator , the monster , had given her all the information and resources to make her own informed decision . they were vampires , and she , as a newborn would feel uncontrollable urges to drink the blood of humans . she had yet to feel anything of the magnitude they spoke of , but no one in the house seemed to believe her .      regardless , he had made her a deal . she had to stay with him and his wife esme , and their son , edward ( for lack of a better term ) for a full year . in other words , once her eyes changed from the horrible red they harbored and dulled completely to yellow , she could leave . then , she was free . free to stray from their diet , or go live wherever she wanted -- albeit not back to rochester , not until everyone who remembered her was dead .      her heart ached for the only place she knew , the area she grew up in . it ached for her mother , who she was sure was just about worried sick . not to mention , they must be looking for her . she could just picture it , her face plastered upon posters throughout the city , being passed around at the dinner table . what happened to rosalie hale ?      self - pity turned to anger , at the thought that the kings were likely consoling her parents . royce's mother making dinners for her mother and younger brothers , while his father and her own were out looking for her . at the shore of the lake , along the canal -- they might think she'd drowned !      her melancholic thoughts that seemed to never end only did when a distraction arose , this time being esme . she didn't mind esme . she was , at least , respectful , which was the bare minimum , yet carlisle and edward seemed to find it difficult . with edward's ability to read minds , he never left her alone . carlisle , on the other hand , constantly begged for her forgiveness . it was frustrating , to say the least . how could she ever forgive him ?      ❛ outside ?  ❜ the question was rhetorical , but asked regardless . her lips pressed into a nervous line , gaze turning downward . inside , she could pretend that things were the same . that it was winter , and the sun hadn't yet come out in late april or early may . ❛  i won't be much company , i'm afraid . i know you all don't find me personable , so you needn't suffer at the effort of attempting to make me feel like i belong . ❜

[sapphiredhearts-a]

it only takes a few moments for esme's fears to come flying back to her . everything she was worried about - for edward , for the family - since edward had met bella seemed to become real again . if they all hadn't been there to protect her . . if edward had reacted a second later . . . would they be cleaning up a crime scene right now ? would they be fleeing to another city - changing their identities and becoming new people until everyone who cared died and the case went cold ? she was sure that would be the case and even though a few months ago she would be filled with anxiety over her children and sadness over leaving this town she adored . . now she had even more worries to process .  the truth was , bella had become like a daughter to her . although esme wasn't much older than the rest of the family - she often took on the caregiver role . almost like an elder sister who had to step into being a parent for whatever reason . bella seemed to need guidance and someone to care for her as opposed to her caring for them as she seemed to do at home . esme didn't pry but it was written all over the girl's actions . and now after learning what she had of the girl and spending time with her , esme had come to love - adore even - her . she worried not only about her own family but bella's too . how would her mother and father react to her disappearance if something went wrong ? she knew she would never be able to face them - for the safety of her own kind - nor give them the closure they deserved if bella suddenly was gone forever . and it burdened her more than she could admit . 

these fears and concerns were what dragged her back into the house once she could smell the scent of bleach coating the room . she almost smiled at that - carlisle was very thorough . she struggled with bloodlust as much as any of them and was happy that she could barely sense any of bella's blood as she came into the room . right now she needed to be as human as possible - in case bella was still frightened . jasper would be consoled by alice , edward was in a spiral but could be handled later , and rosalie . . . well , rosalie had her reasons . bella was the one who had been physically - and probably emotionally - harmed . she needed someone there to comfort her and edward would not be good at the job . 

the redhead was happy when bella fell into her arms and she squeezed her as gently as possible as her arms wrapped around the other . ' this was your evening , my dear . ' she reminds softly , hating the self - loathing she can hear in the brunette's voice . ' and you didn't ruin anything . what happened - it shouldn't have happened . jasper struggles but he knows the risk . we should have been more prepared . ' she sighs , knowing there was no way to truly be as prepared as she wants to be . ' in any case it was an accident . you cannot blame yourself , you need to focus on healing . '

growing up, it seemed like bella took care of the people around her more than they cared for her. just the other month she caught herself telling edward that she cooked and paid the bills because her mother didn't. "scatterbrained" or "harebrained" was usually how she referred to her mom in conversation. bella loved her mom, she just lacked ... responsibility? she never knew. she guessed she'd never know. and here, she was always cooking for charlie and making sure he was taking care of himself. being mostly embraced into edward's family, especially by esme, made bella feel like she was a part of something.

all it took was a paper cut to ruin that. after carlisle stitched her arm, bella didn't have to be a genius to know that things were tense now. jasper and alice had disappeared. rosalie had retreated into a rage, and edward was mumbling to emmett in the other room. his voice was too quiet for bella's weak human ears to pick up, but she knew he sounded angry. she couldn't help but think that this was all her fault, so when she saw esme, she just ... caved.

as soon as esme opened her arms, bella flew into them, burying her face into her shoulder. she holds onto the vampire tightly — like she doesn't want to let go. esme's touch is comforting. she smells faintly like vanilla and cinnamon (at least to bella), and bella lets out a sigh before she pulls away, slightly embarrassed. she shakes her head. "i'm sorry i ruined your evening," she says, her voice an awful plea. she would beg for esme's forgiveness if that meant consolation and a motherly touch. "this is all my fault."