#☣

[esotericsoldier]

kingcrossbones CHOSE TO PET THE WOLF : "I came here to put a bullet in you." (☠️……. brock insisted to send this :)) )

‘Oh.’

Optimistic features became crestfallen, resembling a kicked puppy as the words registered, hand hovering near the blade concealed within his upper sleeve. ( Foolishly upon noticing the familiar face in his peripheral vision, he’d assumed someone had finally tracked him down to take him home. ) To tell him that the nightmare was over and that HYDRA hadn’t actually fallen. That it had all been a test which he’d passed with flying colours. For wasn’t he still useful to them?

A loyal soldier until the end?

Even now fractured remnants of programming were attempting to take over. To send him to his knees to beg for a mercy which wouldn’t come and yet feet were frozen. ( Advanced mind in a battle of wills, eyes flickering from the scarred visage of the once high-ranking Commander, to the weapon he welded. ) Standard issued Glock 19 unless he was mistaken.

‘Permission to ask why, Commander? I didn’t - I haven’t. I’m still compliant.’

[esotericsoldier]

vulpuslunae asked: “ haven’t we lost enough? ”

‘I think loss… is a part of being alive.’

Fate was, it seemed more cruel than kind where he was concerned. HYDRA had always drilled into him that he was expendable and only destined for great things in their presence. They’d convinced him without them, he served no purpose. They’d fashioned him from fractured memories, moulded him into their salvation. ( He’d been a project decades into the making, a way for them to store vast intellect, away from the hard-drive of Zola himself. ) He’d never known an existence without them, and to this day he was still wrestling with the right to exist. Every day was a battle and had to be taken with hypervigilance. Yet it was proving to be worth it. They were times he was able to admire her strength and feel nothing but devotion. His hand sought hers in the dark, and if that wasn’t progress, he didn’t know what would be. They’d come a long way.

‘We haven’t lost everything. We still have eachother.’

[esotericsoldier]

LET ME ASSIGN YOU AN AESTHETIC WORD.

apricate

apricate means to bask in the sun, to sunbathe. if you got this result, i think you're made of pure sunlight. the warmth you radiate makes people around you feel safe, and i think it's such a wonderful thing. you're like a bouquet of fresh sunflowers, or a box of chocolates on someone's birthday. you remind me so much of chamomile, of pretty rainbows that appear in the sky after a thunderstorm. make sure you love yourself as much as you love others, yeah?

[esotericsoldier]

Anonymous chose to pet the wolf : What has been the hardest thing that you have had to experience within your lifetime?

‘Adjusting. Learning to love.’

He was a systematic mechanism shaped to submit. So could he be capable of such a raw human emotion? Previously he had assumed it was a flaw in the code, an error in his software. He’d recoiled at the revelation that HYDRA had made him wrong, assuming he needed to be scrapped. Time however had passed, bringing with it clarity. ( His soft-hearted nature wasn’t a limitation, it enabled him to be better, to disconnect from everything HYDRA had designed. Around those he cherished, he was the very opposite of what the Russian’s had planned for him to be. ) He could evolve and become something else entirely, a being capable of compassion. He would always be conflicted, but he could embrace those differences they’d tried to beat out of him. He didn’t have to be their weapon, he was free.

‘The tipping point came when I accepted that I didn’t want to hurt people… that I found peace when people were happy. It just wasn’t easy. The concept wasn’t innate.’

[esotericsoldier]

ANONYMOUS  CHOSE TO PET THE WOLF : How many babies would you like to have with Michael?

‘Oh, I don’t think I want anymore.’

The family they’d built together was a miracle in itself, full of love and wonder. Before Michael Valentin had never envisaged himself capable of creating life away from the alters. He’d been brainwashed to believe he was built for one purpose - to serve. The things humans desired above all else, intimacy, family, blasphemous to him. ( Yet being away from HYDRA had completely altered his perspective. ) Gradually he’d been able to find himself and appreciate that whether it was a flaw in his code, or merely an oversight, he was capable of wanting to form connections. His relationship with Michael had since gone from strength to strength. With his husband's support, he’d evolved beyond comprehension - becoming a father, to not one, but three beautiful children. Zarya, Matilde and Dmitri were the final pieces to the puzzle. A sign of their eternal bond. They already had more than expected.

They didn’t need anything else.

‘Our family is already complete… I like it, just the way it is.’

[esotericsoldier]

sesyeuxocean challenged the asset : “ careful… you’ve never had to fight me before. ” from Sin @pleinsdemuses

‘Careful?’

Was that supposed to be a deterrent? Couldn’t her inferior mind contemplate that it was accustomed to threats? Vacant gaze remained fixated on her physique, assessing the situation with surpassed intellect. ( In a split second, it had catalogued every weakness, deciphering incoming data with the ease of breathing. It was an asset with no handler, and yet its conditioning was ingrained, its loyalty prevailing despite HYDRA’s downfall. ) Defecting was not something it was capable of, remnants of fractured mechanics responsible for its next actions as heavy duty boots separated, a sinister tone mimicking slain operatives.

‘I will crush you, ant.’

[esotericsoldier]

starredshield chose to pet the wolf : “ What the hell are you doing? “

‘I-’ Such demands were usually followed through with a swift backhand to remind him of his place. So when one didn’t immediately come, his pupils dilated a fraction. Of course flinching or recoiling had long since been trained out of him, compliant even in the face of physical reprimand. Punishment was a necessity, a tool superiors had utilised effectively. ( It enabled him to please them, and there had been nothing more pressing than the primal need to please. ) Even now away from their influence, his submission was evident. It was rare he ever permitted eye contact, choosing instead to glance underneath thick lashes or lower his gaze towards the ground.

‘I was just… looking at your shield… It's exquisite. I-I’m sorry, Sir.’

[esotericsoldier]

vulpuslunae chose to pet the wolf : ❛  you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me.  ❜

It was the little things.

The simple things that most would take for granted for they were second nature to the majority and yet for him, moments like this were few and far between. The past plagued heavily on his mind, his programming a constant burden, making even the slightest task a mountain out of a molehill. Good days were hit or miss, for relapses still occurred when they’d least expect it. ( There were days he’d become so overwhelmed that processing logic was beyond him, and then there were times like this, when it was hard to imagine him any other way. ) He’d risen at the crack of dawn, making them breakfast, determined to make the most out of this miracle. The moment he’d heard her approach, his arms had wound around her waist, head finding solace against her shoulder.

‘You’re…. the best thing… too. You gave me something to fight for.’

[esotericsoldier]

fortitudina chose to pet the wolf : ❛  i'm not done with you yet.  ❜ ( from Michael )

Lips quivered, limbs writhing as the torment continued, the vibrating buzzing incessantly against his prostate enough to blur his vision. Or at least it would have been, had it not been for the blindfold obscuring his sight, making the experience all the more intense.It had been a slow build up. Michael’s fingers caressing each nipple, drawing out pretty sounds from his mouth. When he’d twitched, the clamps had come into play, intensifying the throb. ( Now he was spread wide, bound tightly, his partially restrained cock twitching frantically against his belly. ) He’d lost count of the amount of orgasms he’d already suffered, spurting cum across his flesh. The gag had been pressed against his teeth, not for his own sake, no. He had long since come to the conclusion that Michael got great satisfaction in watching him drool, and now he was doing so profusely. Falling apart underneath his hands and toys.

‘Mmmmm.’

Nails dug into palms, panting as the vibrations finally quietened, though the relief was short lived, for soon hands were hauling him up. Collapsing against his husband, he swallowed roughly, grateful for the moment to recover, shaking his head as he attempted to regain his sanity. It was difficult, for the stimulation wasn’t completely gone, its low pulsations continuous. ( Tapping out however hadn’t once crossed his mind, trusting Michael enough to do as he wanted, having given his consent with perfect posture as he knelt on the playroom floor, head bowed. ) His husband knew how much he could handle, and so it wasn’t a surprise to hear the warning coming from above. No sooner had the words been spoken, he was forced to breathe in; pressure building, as nails pinched the base of his cock, and slid in a not so subtle piece of metal - a sound.

‘Ffffffff.’

[esotericsoldier]

grimmusings chose to pet the wolf : truth serum: Is it possible for you to work against Hydra? Would you ever consider it?

Work against?

Was this a test? Designed to catch him out and cause havoc with his programming? Did they not believe he knew better than to be tricked by something so ridiculous? Instinct awakened inner code, expression devoid of any hint of emotion, unaffected by present company. ( They were irrelevant, disposable and yet their question was setting off a chain reaction. ) Slowly impassive eyes blinked, fingers building a rhythm of notes against his thigh, a comfort technique he’d utilised to the best of his ability, enabling him to remain lucid even in stressful situations. It came in favour now, as conditioning attempted to overrule common sense, lips automatically forming a response.

‘I have considered it. HYDRA are flawed, beyond belief. Their methods are unorthodox and hypocritical and yet… maybe naively, I still have hope… hope that the home I wanted is somewhere in there. That something better can be built from the foundations, to give the world what it needs, without concealing its true intentions. There are many who believe SHIELD is corrupt, and yet isn’t that supposed to have been designed for the greater good? If HYDRA fails, they can never learn. If they’re turned to dust, so is their potential… and so no I won’t join in.. on erasing a possibility. I won’t turn myself into what they aimed for, a weapon. Hatred.’

Maybe in different circumstances his answer wouldn’t have been quite the same but his words were honest and his voice was softly spoken. Without hope, there was nothing, and he refused to be subjected to that again.

[esotericsoldier]

Anonymous asked:  “ WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? “ -Bucky

‘Punishing myself.’ Matter of fact response was automatic, voice machine-like. Relapses were certainly less frequent but when they occurred, rather tragic. The metallic blade had made contact causing blood to blossom to the surface of his flesh, and his lack of reaction or response to such stimuli was even more concerning. ( Anyone normal would be recoiling, but his actions had not ceased despite the developing  throb. ) He needed the pain, as a reminder. He had failed in his fundamental mission. HYDRA had cast him aside, discarded him like waste material. He hadn’t been enough. He was unnecessary. Nothing but an asset with no handler. A machine without an operator. Why would anyone want him? He was just… useless.

‘Why? Am I not doing it right?’

[esotericsoldier]

Anonymous asked: Do you prefer stars or stripes?

‘I….’ Questions like this were designed to confuse him. Choice not a natural instinct. Michael and he had been working at altering that. Taking little steps to assist recovery, to alter his own mindset and make it easier, yet he still had a long way to go. ( He had come to conclude they would always make him uncomfortable despite how easy others made them seem. ) What if he made the wrong decision? The blame would rest on him, and him alone. Luckily, it became apparent this inquiry was innocent, and no harm could come from selecting an answer. 

‘I think stars. They remind me of more than Stevie. They remind me of Mr Angel too… of Lucy, and the other Morningstars.’

[esotericsoldier]

kingofthewebxxx asked: “ don’t let them control you, eh? ”

‘You have my word, Sir. I’ll do everything in my power to ensure that doesn’t happen.’ Lips quivered, breathing raged. How many times had he fought the impulse to go home? To beg for mercy from superiors? It had become second nature to reject inner programming, to not trust advanced mechanics. ( He’d been constructed to solely aid their cause and yet together he and Lucien had overcome the desire to please. It had all been going so well… hadn’t it? They’d achieved evolution. ) He’d even naively begun to relax. The worst had been over; they’d concluded and yet how wrong that was. For after everything, they had him. His alter, his confidant. Lucien was being held as bait and neither he nor Moriarty were willing to take chances. Getting him back was now Valentin’s primary focus and he would, even if that meant becoming a sacrificial lamb. Lucien wouldn’t approve but he was also wasn’t there to argue.

‘I’ll distract them, just go find him. I know you care for him.’

[esotericsoldier]

firebirby asked: ❛  you are my sunshine.  ❜

‘Your only sunshine?’

Soft endearment was something he had grown to expect around Phen and it was natural for him to nuzzle into her and seek comfort he didn’t often permit. She was a breath of fresh air, a supernova in a starless sky. ( She made everything better, and brought everything around her to life. He treasured their little moments together, when the rest of the world fell away, when they could just be and nothing else mattered.  ) He loved being with her, enveloped in blankets, snuggling and watching movies. Those were the moments he most looked forward to when times were tough, and now was no exception. There they were, her heat radiating against his heart, his fingers caressing hers, as they sat hand in hand. A giggle left his lips, tilting to look in her direction.

‘You make me happy when skies are grey….’

[esotericsoldier]

TAGS 5;