#☘ character building ╱ a collection of dismantled almosts

[conallblackbar]

conall blackbar - the inspirations

haymitch abernathy (the hunger games)

"embrace the probability of your imminent death, and know in your heart that there's nothing i can do to save you."

bojack horseman (bojack horseman)

"i need- i need you to tell me that i'm a good person. i know that i can be selfish and narcissistic and self-destructive but underneath all that, deep down, i'm a good person and- and i need you to tell me that i'm good, Diane, tell me, please, Diane, tell me that i'm good..."

jim hopper (stranger things)

"feelings. jesus. the truth is, for so long, i'd forgotten what those even were. i've been stuck in one place - in a cave, you might say. a deep dark cave."

robert dudley (historical figure)

"if i am exiled they will see it as proof of my guilt, i'm done for!"

boromir (lord of the rings)

"i am weary, but i still have some strength left, and aragorn too. we will bear the little folk."

harrier du bois (disco elysium)

"real darkness has love for a face. the first death is in the heart, harry."

james norrington (pirates of the carribbean)

"james norrington. what has the world done to you?"

sirius black (harry potter)

"times like that bring the best in some people and the worst in others."

[conallblackbar]

october 2nd 112 ac - conall blackbar is born

a happy-go-lucky child, he spent his early years chasing his brother around, for wherever kieran blackbar was, conall was never far away. it would not be inaccurate to say he hero worshipped his older brother - a role model and sibling all in one.

130 ac - the dance begins

during the dance, where house blackbar fought for the greens, he did what he had done for most of his life thus far - he followed his brother, fighting at his side. he is an athletic and capable fighter, but perhaps not extraordinary enough to distinguish himself the way his brother was. still, he fought, he killed, and he survived, which is a feat in itself, and found that he quite enjoyed the camaraderie amongst men at war.

136 ac - marriage to abigail wylde

his marriage to abigail wylde was born of love, their courtship beginning when they were both very young. the dance prolonged the engagement, but they did eventually wed. they both very much wanted to be married to one another, the dance was still ongoing, and conall was not around much. conall was unfaithful to her during his time away from home. she was not faithful to him either. things became very messy, very quickly.

139 ac - the death of abigail wylde

by the third year of their marriage, abigail was aware of her husband's infidelity. whilst they were attempting to work on their issues, those close to either party at the time were aware the couple were in a bad way, arguing often and rarely sharing a bed. this came to a head the night of her death, when the couple attended a feast and ended up in a public spat. conall excused himself, and was not seen before the end of the night. abigail remained at the feast, and was still up when most of the guests retired. later, ronan bracken found abigail blackbar dead at the bottom of a flight of stairs. the death was investigated, and conall ruled out as a suspect, but mud sticks - there are still persistent rumours that he offed her by chucking her down some stairs. there are other theories swirling about what happened to her, from murder, to suicide, to a drunken fall, but nothing was ever confirmed. other guests at the feast include ronan bracken, kieran blackbar, willow wylde, cyrene frey and jack grafton.

140 ac - the dance ends

with the reach becoming independent, conall returns to bandallon, beginning a self-destructive life of drinking, gambling, and fighting. however, despite his troubles, he still commits himself to his duties and performs them well. he takes charge of captaining the blackbar fleet, as well as assisting with bandallon boys dealings. post-dance, he fought to wipe out the iron islands, in the reach civil war, and in the shield isles. over the last four years, conall has sporadically attended various events in westeros, including peace talks in dorne and the westerland's celebration of prince arthur's birth, but is not present for king jaehaerys' coronation, during the troubles in the north, and notably is absent for the entirety of the reach's wedding season. he attends the litha festival on the order of kind cedric, though likely would have gone anyway.

[conallblackbar]

♛ → THE REACH presents CONALL BLACKBAR, the LORD of BANDALLON when the dragons danced in the sky they thought the GREENS  would still fly, but in the blink of an eye, they would all die. the THIRTY-TWO year old MALE who was CHEERFUL & RESILIENT before they saw the first of the flames, is now DEFENSIVE & SELF-DESTRUCTIVE after seeing the last. they’re often associated with the smell of stale ale on the breath, old letters falling apart from age, bruised and bloodied knuckles with no memory of how they came to be that way ( josh o’connor. )

pinterest ☘ playlist ☘ wanted connections ☘ character building ☘ timeline ☘ tasks

tws: mentions of death, suspected murder, alcoholism, mention of suicide

history.

to live

from a young age, conall jon blackbar was incredibly gifted at making other people smile. mischievous, certainly, but not malicious, his sole purpose in life during his youth was making others laugh, spreading joy, and helping others.

a happy-go-lucky child, he spent his early years chasing his brother around, for wherever kieran blackbar was, conall was never far away. it would not be inaccurate to say he hero worshipped his older brother - a role model and sibling all in one. for as long as he can remember, conall has wanted to be like kieran, and flushes with pride when compared to him.

his good nature carried him to adulthood. In his younger years, it was rare to see conall without a smile on his face and full of cheer, the kind of person you’d want at every party. he had many friends, a loud laugh, and was reasonably well-liked.

during the dance, he did what he had done for most of his life thus far - he followed his brother, fighting at his side. he is an athletic and capable fighter, but perhaps not extraordinary enough to distinguish himself the way his brother was. still, he fought, he killed, and he survived, which is a feat in itself, and found that he quite enjoyed the camaraderie amongst men at war.

to die

his marriage to abigail wylde was born of love, their courtship beginning when they were both very young. the dance prolonged the engagement, but they did eventually wed in 136ac, eight years ago.

they both very much wanted to be married to one another, the dance was still ongoing, and conall was not around much. conall was unfaithful to her during his time away from home. she was not faithful to him either. things became very messy, very quickly.

by the third year of their marriage, things had dramatically fallen apart. whilst they were attempting to work on their issues, those close to either party at the time were aware the couple were in a bad way, arguing often and rarely sharing a bed. this came to a head the night of her death, when the couple attended a feast and ended up in a public spat. conall excused himself, and was not seen before the end of the night. abigail remained at the feast, and was still up when most of the guests retired.

when the guests awoke the next morning, they found abigail blackbar dead at the bottom of a flight of stairs. the death was investigated, and conall ruled out as a suspect, but mud sticks - there are still persistent rumours that he offed her by chucking her down some stairs. there are other theories swirling about what happened to her, from murder, to suicide, to a drunken fall, but nothing was ever confirmed.

conall believes that his wife's death was self-inflicted. he isn't sure abigail meant to die, but certainly that the fall down the stairs was perhaps a cry for attention or out of pure desperation. therefore, even though he did not murder her directly, he still harbours some guilt for her death and holds himself responsible. in the first year of her death, he used to obsess over what could have happened to her, but obsession gave way to despair. now, he's pretty sure it was suicide, and isn't looking for answers any more.

a note from dove: if you'd like to, feel free for your character to assume a connection to abigail blackbar (nee wylde), whether friendship, enmity or anything in between, or for them to have been present at the feast and experience the death first-hand.

to exist

in the aftermath of his wife's death, many pointed the finger at conall, including those he considered friends. he never forgot those who whispered about him, even those he trusted most, and it's left him struggling to trust the people he once knew best. suspicion clouds most of his interactions.

he still smiles and laughs, but now, there is something pathetic about it, and he has grown incredibly self-destructive. he drinks heavily and often, throws himself into dangerous situations head first, without any sort of fear for his own safety. ironically, this actually improved his prowess in battle dramatically as he takes far less caution now than he did before.

as well as drinking, he's a big gambler, and seeks drunken brawls when he's intoxicated just to feel something. if it's an unhealthy comping mechanism, he'll try it at least once.

in the years immediately following his wife's death, it was understandable that he would behave this way. the toll of losing a wife, coupled with the fact that many people he considered friends now look at him with suspicion. it was natural to fall apart. however, he did not put himself back together. any sympathy for his situation is long gone.

he’s not a complete waster now - when sober, he’s pretty functional, which is probably why he’s still trusted to get things done. however, it’s very obvious he’s going through the motions when it comes to his day-to-day responsibilities, and taking very little joy or pride in any of it beyond the fact it occupies his thoughts in the same way going off the rails does in his free time. it is important, i think, to note that he is not so much addicted to alcohol as he is to self-destructive behaviour. he had a complete apathy for his own life at the point and doesn't much care if he lives or dies.

his behaviour is only troubling to those who care for him personally, but luckily he has a fair amount to do between captaining the blackbar fleet, overseeing the shield isles for kieran, and the bandallon boys. he’s doing better than he could be (and has historically done when he had less on his plate), but it would not be accurate to say this man is well.

personality.

basics

in his happier years, conall had a great talent for making others laugh and a skill for mimicry and impressions. he was friendly and funny, with a large group of friends, and a bit flirtatious too. he enjoyed being the centre of attention and entertaining.

a glutton for punishment, most of conall's destructive behaviours are born of guilt and self-loathing as a result of what happened to abigail. whilst he did not kill her, he still holds himself responsible for her death, and hasn't let go or forgiven himself for that, instead punishing himself with harmful behaviour patterns. there's a very obvious aura of patheticness about him and he berates himself constantly.

despite his toxic behaviours, he is actually quite hard-working, and is determined not to let his brother down and fuck up some of the responsibilities he's been given. he takes what he does very seriously.

he's grown impulsive. he doesn't think before he acts, nor before he speaks. most of the time, he tries not to think at all.

rumours

the biggest and most obvious rumour is this: conall blackbar murdered his wife. it does not matter that he was ruled out as a suspect, it does not matter that she may not have been murdered at all. many people will see him as guilty, particularly if they witnessed him fighting with his wife on the night of her death.

i do not think his destructive habits are common knowledge, but certainly an open secret. he isn't actively hiding anything from anybody, but neither is he publicising it. maybe there are tentative whispers, but nothing widely spoken about.

goals

he is remarkably apathetic with regards to himself, his personal betterment and his future. when abigail died, so did any ambition or hope he may have once had. he does not dream of things anymore, and can't bring himself to want. he is actively blocking his own future by refusing to move on.

i would not say he is actively suicidal, but he does think about the concept of dying often. whilst he doesn't particularly seek death, he'd welcome it if it comes.

fears

conall's worst fears have already come to pass. there is little else that he is frightened of, save perhaps any misfortune falling upon kieran or his nieces.

other.

the old conall is only really evident when in the company of his brother and nieces. he loves being an uncle, and family is very important to him. king of giving piggyback rides.

he owns five wolfhounds and several setters, and training and breeding the dogs is one of the few constructive hobbies he still has. he has a naming theme where he gives them their name based on legendary or mythological figures, as before abigail's death he had an interest in such things.

he has a long, lanky figure, but he's strong underneath it. in battle, he favours weapons that utilise blunt force, such as maces or hammers, over blades. he is not a graceful fighter, but an effective one nonetheless. his aim is hopeless, however, and he's a terrible bowman.

he's desperate for forgiveness for what happened to abigail, but nobody can give it to him except himself. he hasn't got there yet, though, and instead looks for it in others. he wants to be redeemed, but doesn't think he deserves to be.

the thing he takes most seriously out of his various roles in life (captaining the fleet, overseeing the shield isles, etc.) is the bandallon boys. conall desperately needs to belong somewhere and to something, and the boys give him that.

he sleeps like the dead. as soon as his head hits his pillow, he's out like a light for hours. and he snores too.

[conallblackbar]

tarot card pull

the past - the star, reversed

appearance and symbolism

the star card shows a woman kneeling at the edge of a small pond, holding two containers of water

one container pours the water out to the dry land, as if to to nourish it and ensure its fertility

one foot is inside the water which shows the spiritual abilities and inner strength of the woman, while the other foot on the ground shows her practical abilities and strengths

behind her, there is a large central star surrounded by seven small stars which represent the chakras

there is bird standing at a tree branch which represents the holy ibis of thought

card meaning

the star card is reversed provokes feelings of hopelessness and despair, as though everything has turned it's back on the querent

challenges that normally seem exciting may instead feel unsurmountable

faith has been lost, whether inside the self or in something held dear

there is no motivation to progress forward and meet challenges - the querent is already hopeless and defeated

the present - the ace of swords, reversed

appearance and symbolism

the ace of swords shows a hand emerging from the clouds wielding a double-edged sword, carrying a golden crown while being encircled by a wreath

the wreath has for a long time been associated with victory, success and great achievement

the crown is used as the symbol for both royalty and the power to rule that comes with royalty

the sword stands floating over a varied setting - which holds both mountains and sea, symbols of the vast reach and distant lands that the swords can be used to conquer, as well as ambition

card meaning

getting a reversed ace of swords might mean that one's thoughts are confused, unsure and very chaotic

this isn’t a good time for one to make any decisions since there is little clarity on the right course of action, meaning that the chances of failure are high

the card cautions to work methodically and slowly move towards achieving goals

this would be a good time to lay back and rationally think through each stage rather than acting on impulse, since everything appears in a blur and is unclear

it might also be a good time to seek advice - things may not be as they seem.

the energy of the ace of swords may be blocked or stagnant, leaving the querent feeling depleted and powerless.

the future - the wheel of fortune

appearance and symbolism

the wheel of fortune is one of the most highly symbolic cards in the deck, filled with signs that each have its own meaning

at the centre of the card is a giant wheel, covered in esoteric symbols and surrounded by different figures and creatures: the angel, the eagle, the bull and the lion

the figures are related to the four fixed signs in the zodiac - leo, taurus, scorpio and aquarius

on he wheel itself, rides a sphinx that sits at the top, and what appears to be either a devil, or anubis himself arising at the bottom - these two egyptian figures are representative of both the wisdom of the gods and kings (in the case of the sphinx) and the underworld (anubis)

they are rotating forever, in a cycle, and suggests that as one comes up, the other goes down

card meaning

the wheel of fortune turns evermore, seemingly to communicate that life is made up of both good and bad times, and that the cycle is one that we cannot control - nobody on earth can avoid what is fated

the same is true in reverse - bad situations will eventually become better again. 

geater forces that are outside of human control are at work here - the same forces that govern the changing of the seasons, or the rising and setting of the sun is also the master of luck and the fate of individuals and where it lands is as random as chance

[conallblackbar]

the birth chart of conall blackbar

sun sign : libra

libras are known as the slick, smart charmers of the zodiac. always tactful, pleasing and diplomatic - libras can fit in anyplace, anytime, with anyone. shape-shifting is almost a sport to libra. you can find them lounging and flirting anywhere - being the centre of attention and loved by all around. libras love to think, analyse, ponder and dissect, which makes them champion procrastinators too. they love to take an objective viewpoint, find the fairest solution to any issue, and enjoy learning new information. they need mental stimulus, but hate mess, chaos, disorder and conflict, and that is where their natural diplomacy comes in handy. libras strive for everything to be smooth-sailing and plain seas, and can pour oil on troubled waters, build bridges, and mend fences like a pro-diplomat. that said, all their empathy, listening and deep-down understanding can mean their own opinions and desires get lost in the wash, indeed sometimes they may not even really know their own mind. air signs love information, news and education. librans are no exception, but what they tend to do with this information represents a conflict in their character: the urge and need to gossip. on the one hand, they know it’s going to backfire, and they hate to be disliked and they abhor confrontations. on the other hand, that’s all in a hypothetical distant future. librans strive for fairness and justice constantly, and they love the law. they deconstruct every situation with their eager brain and pick over the debris, organising right from wrong. however, they're often biased in their own favour. it kills Libras to fully, 100% commit to something if there’s more than one option - even if it’s something innocuous. they always want the best experience and they believe, through logic and rationale and analysis, they can actually create ‘perfect pathways’ through life.

moon sign : virgo

the emotional nature of a virgo moon is linked to the planet mercury. incredibly composed when it comes to emotional expression, impulsivity does not come naturally. before reacting, a virgo moon will make sure they have the full story. for this reason, family and friends request their opinion, as they can bring reason to highly emotional situations. others requesting help is incredibly fulfilling to virgo moons. of course, analyzing feelings in such an orderly manner can have its downside, as emotions aren’t logical. one of the necessary lessons in life for those born under a virgo moon is learning to set reason aside and allow themself to just feel. to thrive, they need structure, routine, and for life to be somewhat predictable.

rising sign : scorpio

the ascendant with the most mystique, those who have this rising sign navigate life with intense emotion, profound intuition, and a constant yearning for transformative connections. scorpio as a zodiac sign is emotionally intense and perceptive. much like a frozen body of water, scorpios exude an aura of mystery and staying power. socially, they navigate a room slowly and with intuition. at the same time, scorpios stand out for their unparalleled drive, passion, and work ethic. symbolized by the small but venomous scorpion, they might appear reserved at first glance, but they’re fiercely protective of both themselves and those they cherish. associated with the eighth house, scorpio rules over taboo facets of life, like sex, intimacy, death, rebirth, and what’s hidden. scorpios undergo constant transformation and change in their lives. as a result, scorpio ascendants can be emotionally heavy at times; their propensity to cling to deep-seated feelings or negative past experiences can be both their strength and achilles heel. the challenge lies in their ability to navigate these intense waters while remaining self-aware and releasing the need to hold grudges. scorpio risings are calm during times of crisis or chaotic moments; you always want them by your side when things get serious. however, they can often give off a moody, passionate vibe with a hint of the enigmatic, drawing others toward them with an irresistible pull.