#☄. *. ⋆ sometimes the most ruthless heart speaks the most truth ; julian interactions

[battlehymnns-a]

“Cameron and I are engaged.” - Emma @ Jules

the words are coming at him through a tunnel. perhaps that’s why there is ringing in his ears. he has stopped moving completely for certain. having forgotten he’s holding a paintbrush that should be moving across the page - especially if he is trying to remain calm. act as if nothing is wrong. with a cough and a clearing of the throat he turns suddenly, placing the paintbrush down behind him. the sounds of it clattering seems final somehow. kind of like what emma just told him.

‘that’s ...’ he tries to think of an adjective, his brain screaming at him. terrible, awful, i want to kill him for even thinking of touching you. all of those were things he wanted to say. all were things he’d never say. not out loud. not to her. and especially not now that she was someone else’s. 

as parabati julian has always just assumed emma was his. his best friend, his everything. he had known in a distant sort of way that she would one day move on - find someone who meant even more than their bond to her. he had hoped that by the time she did he would have found someone too. of course, life was cruel and instead he was still pining after her. his best friend, his forbidden love.

‘that’s great, ems.’ he finally says after too long a moment. he turns back to her, forces a smile. after all this is what she would want to hear. and she’s still his emma - the one he’d do anything for. even pretend to be happy while his heart was breaking inside.