#☄. *. ⋆ sarang

[bexiaoli]

xiaoli was a picky man, and that extended to a variety of areas in his life. especially when it was in regards to whom he let share a bed with him.

while out with friends that evening and sarang approached him, xiaoli knew quickly that the man standing in front of him was very much his type, and he would welcome the other into his life and bed. it never crossed his mind that there was potential that sarang would become a constant in his life, but xiaoli was so happy that things had worked out the way they had. while a lot of their time was spent in participating in sensual and pleasurable activities, they indulged in simple things like watching movies and eating breakfast together.

xiaoli found himself rolling his eyes in an affectionate manner at the others teasing tone as he attempted to get his sleepy mind working. what did he want. "hmmm..." he hummed lowly, contemplating, trying to focus on food options and not the payment he might get later on. "hotteok sounds really good," eventually he decided, fingers drawing shapes on sarang's back. "think it will pair nicely with whatever repayment you have in mind?" xiaoli took his moment to indulge in the teasing himself.

usually his sunday mornings were filled with a workout, but every bone in his body was protesting to that idea, more focused on relaxing with the other. "school has had me occupied as well, i'm not to sure what's been released," he admitted after taking a moment to think. "we can take some time to look through some options while we wait on breakfast? see if anything sounds interesting?" he suggested.

ah yes, training. the idea spiked the anxiety, feeling the familiar ache and presence of the emotion in his chest and down his arms, into his hands in finger tips. xiaoli paused, taking a moment to breathe. he remembered the days well. "i don't know how you do it," he mentioned, "i know i don't miss it."

did he though? xiaoli found it hard to work through that idea. his memories were tainted by terrible humans looking to take advantage of kids in horrible ways. he use to love the idea of performing and creating music, but it'd long been a dream that was shattered into tiny pieces. with better people, maybe he would miss it. his eyes briefly darted to the keyboard that sat in a corner of his room, largely untouched.

sarang's voice pulled him out of his head once more. "i miss you too," he smiled, soft and sleepy but genuinely. "we'll have to make sure we keep up our fun together, these times are always so relaxing for me." with that, xiaoli grabbed his phone, unlocking it to pass it to sarang, "order from wherever you want. we can get some coffee or tea if you want as well, or i can make you some here."

yeom sarang is someone who, for better or worse, playfully imagines what married life would be like with everyone he sleeps with. it's not because he actually wants to marry them, but the romantic idea of the two of them growing old together, having children, and building a home is a specific game of make-believe that he loves indulging in.

maybe the appeal of it is because, frankly, it's something that feels practically impossible to him. it's no secret that his home country isn't an accepting, loving place for sexual minorities, and he's unsure if he'll ever see a marriage equality bill pass in south korea during his lifetime. the grim reality of it makes him blue, and sometimes his rosy dreams do, too, but he can't help himself from traveling down that path whenever he experiences another man so close; so intimately.

when he thinks of what being wed to xiaoli would be like, he imagines a lot of this. the foundation of their relationship is largely sensual, and though he knows long-term relationships, and marriages, can face a lull here and there, when it comes to the two of them, he genuinely doesn't think that would ever become an issue. they're invested in one another's bodies, their pleasure. it's always been what's paramount between them. however, after awhile, their bond has become less superficial, and sarang's glad for that.

he remembers when he first met xiaoli. that night, he had no idea who the tall, blond man sitting across the bar was, but he knew that he needed to talk to him. he didn't know then that they'd be sharing a bed as often as they do, but he's really glad that they're remained in one another's orbits, and he hopes that, regardless of what happens in their futures, they can remain close somehow.

"well, you're sweet for offering to pay for my food, but i assure you that i'll definitely work for it," he teases, voice a delicate, singsongy lilt. "what do you want for breakfast, though? y'know, other than me." an impish giggle flutters from between his lips, and he begins thinking if there's any cravings he wants to satisfy today. the company monitors his health, so he can't go too wild, but a treat here and there never killed anyone. "hotteok? gilgeori toast? or did you want to splurge on something more luxurious?"

in truth, it doesn't matter what they eat. he knows today'll be a great day regardless. "and are there any movies or dramas you wanna watch? i keep wondering what's come out since i started training. i honestly haven't had the time to even keep up with the new releases of anything. all i know are the walls of the company..." there's a wistfulness to the way he speaks, and he shuts his eyes and reminds himself to remain present in the moment; to focus on xiaoli.

"i really have been missing you. you remind me of the days where i was allowed to be a little crazy. being with you is like getting that back, but ten times better."

[bexiaoli]

xiaoli is picky about many a thing, but especially who he brings into his bed and even more so with whom he allows to stay after their activities. he likes when sarang is able to stay the night. while most nights are spent with little sleep for him, xiaoli believes having sarang around helps him at least a little bit. it wasn't to say he still didn't spend that time tossing and turning or waking up abruptly, but what little moments of rest he got were nicer with the other as he was surrounded by the younger's familiar shampoo and lingering perfume.

recently, he likes to believe, he had gotten some increased amount of sleep, but he'd had these periods before. soon he would return to no more than three or four hours a night, if he was lucky. so he cherished the nights where those hours were prolonged, and mornings like these where they could be lazier and rest more as they saw fit.

a lazy, sleepy smile pulls on xiaoli's lips feeling sarang's lips pressing on his shoulder before the other is making himself comfortable. his own hands traveled up sarang's thighs, and over his curves before finding a new home on the other man's hips. "i slept," xiaoli assured the other. while he never went into detail about his sleep issues, or the nightmares that sometimes kept him awake, sarang never complained and he was thankful for that. still he didn't like to burden others with his issues. "i promise."

today was one of his rare days off, where he both didn't have to attend school nor work. the idea of being lazy all day sounded magical almost. "i think that is one of the best ideas you've ever had," he said, voice still heavy with sleep and lack of use. these lazy moments were some of his favorites. the smile on his lips widened with the other's lips now pressing onto his cheek. "i might even bed kind and pay for your food," xiaoli teased. he would pay, he usually insisted on it. xiaoli had more money than he needed from his family, and he enjoyed treating his friends. "i'll get you whatever you want."

the idea of not having to leave his home was perfect, even better if he wasn't going to be required to leave his bed unless absolutely necessary. "no, it literally sounds perfect. i don't wanna get out of bed," xiaoli insisted, arms coming to wrap around sarang's waist and hold him.

sometimes, sarang feels guilty for being able to sleep so soundly beside xiaoli. there's been a couple of times where he's stayed up late with him, all night even, engaging him in conversation, or exploring even more carnal desires, because the elder of them wasn't able to enter dreamland like he hoped to. though, after he started training full-time and his levels of exhaustion reached new heights, it's been all too easy for sarang to snuggle into xiaoli's chest and drift off; slumbering solidly in a way that he doesn't think he ever has before.

with a mind as agile as his, his train of thought often doesn't let him rest, especially throughout the day, so nowadays, he looks forward to shutting his brain off and not thinking about anything when the moon rises. he just wishes he can rub some of that sensation off on xiaoli. out of everyone sarang knows, he's the most deserving of a delicious snooze; one that leaves him feeling renewed and rested. somehow, he'll figure out a way to give that to him. he's sure of that.

for now, though, he enjoys the feeling of such large, strong hands embracing his knees, then motions to make a pillow out of his senior's shoulder; peppering it with kisses before he lays his head on top of it. "mhm," he hums simply, allowing his eyes to flutter closed again. "i always sleep well when i'm with you," he reassures, pursing his lips together. "what about you, hmm? i hope you at least got some sleep. some is better than none, right?"

with that, he shifts his position slightly so he can look up at him; admiring the sharp contours of his face. "i don't have anything going on today, so if you don't either, i vote we remain lazy. maybe we can order-in some food, and stay in bed, and watch some cute shows, and burn off calories in between episodes... if you know what i mean." an impish smile grabs hold of the corners of his mouth, and before xiaoli can say anything else, he stamps a kiss onto his cheek; fond.

"does that sound good to you, or are you tired of being at home and in bed? i wanna know what'll make you happy because i'll be happy regardless of what we do together. i'm just glad i finally have you all to myself for a little while."

[bexiaoli]

it was rare xiaoli found himself having had such a sound night's sleep. most nights he slept only a few hours at most nowadays, but having some else around seemed to help sometimes. it was hit or miss, not always consistent he realized. it depended a lot on the person. a random person he took to bed wasn't going to help him sleep more through the night, but those he spent extended amounts of time with, trusted, and maybe even considered friends would help fend off the reoccurring flashbacks and dreams that usually plagued him through the night.

sarang was someone who made him feel content and comfortable enough to drift off to dream land and stay there for more than an hour or two at a time. xiaoli was warm and comfortable with the other laying next to him. even if he woke up in the middle of the night the familiar scent of the other's shampoo and presence were things that brought him back down to earth.

admittedly, xiaoli had been up on and off for the last hour, body refused to drift back to sleep one more time, though he kept his eyes closed in attempt. it didn't register first what was going on as the weight of another was on top of him, but a small smile tugged on his lips as he felt the forehead kiss and heard sarang's voice.

brown eyes opened, blinking slowly to adjust to the sun light. "i'm awake," he confirmed, voice heavy with sleep, hands moving to sit comfortably on sarang's knees. "did you sleep well?" he asked. it was always a worry that his inability to sleep through the night would disturb the other, but he didn't recall jolting awake last night at any point.

COOL WITH YOU 염사랑 → 샹샤올리 2023년 10월 / 서울

this has been a thing for them for quite sometime now, and every time he's here—his head on xiaoli's chest, their legs entangled, bodies draped in sheets that accentuate their shapes beautifully—sarang feels safe. it's something he can't really explain. this bed-frame, these pillows, and xiaoli himself have become somewhat of a diary to him. he's not only been a great source of pleasure for him. over time, he's grown into more than that.

nowadays, sarang views him as a close friend; a confidant. for some reason, it's so easy to tell xiaoli his thoughts, and secrets. his solidity, and even his sensitivity, allow sarang to discuss topics that he doesn't often voice to others; considerations he has, but chooses to fester on instead of share. here, he allows himself to explore them, and for that, he's grateful.

his and xiaoli's relationship has grown rather strong, but still maintains its playful roots, which sarang deeply appreciates. it only goes to prove to him that, friends can become physically intimate with one another without foundation breaking their foundation. maybe some people have a harder time with that than they do, but they at least show that it's possible, that there are success stories out there.

after roughly seven hours wrapped up in xiaoli, sarang's lashes bat open; the sunlight streaming in from the windows drenching the scene in delicate morning light. thankfully, it's his day off from training, so he doesn't have to worry about rising anytime soon. for now, he rolls on-top of the man beside him; making a seat out of his lap. leaning forward, he stamps a kiss on xiaoli's forehead.

"hey..." he whispers softly, smiling. "are you awake?"