#☀︎ — jinho & anthony

[ameliiorate]

☀︎ — closed starter for @fadinglights

"Let's say that I was open to the idea that you are telling the truth," Jinho begins slowly, facing Anthony with clear skepticism still shadowing his face. The claims that his boyfriend has made are still difficult for him to try and comprehend, and he struggles to make any sense of it. Anthony lying to him does not align with what he has learned about him, but Anthony telling the truth would change his entire world view. "How would you be able to prove that to me?"

[ameliiorate]

he wishes that he was better at this, that he wasn't such a skeptic, that he wasn't a naturally critical person. empathy has never been an attribute of jinho's, and while he can't truly grasp what plagues anthony, he finds that his heart aches anyway for the other man. because as shocking as all of this has been, even leading to moments to where he had wondered if he had ever really known anthony at all, one thing that is irrevocably true is that his boyfriend has an endless capacity for caring. his heart is one of the most stunning things about him. jinho watches him and listens. truly listens with an open ear. "i see..." he still struggles to understand, doesn't think that he really could unless he experienced it himself. his fingers squeeze anthony's knee. "that must be difficult for you...i never would have thought that you were so...haunted." and perhaps that is too bold of a claim, but it feels obvious to him that anthony is underplaying how this all works. "i'm sorry that i didn't pick up on it sooner, that you were struggling somehow. i feel i haven't been attentive enough...and even now, i am not sure what to do. there is no way for me to help you with all of this."

his heart sinks as he watches jinho gradually grasp the weight of what anthony has implied and squeeze his knee in a comforting gesture. it is a part of his past that he never talks about — something that he has never come clean to his family, not even his younger sister who he's always been close to — an unspeakable wound that he has carried on his own for far too long. the few people he knows are the phantoms he crossed paths with and a few supernatural folks that he encountered and befriended later, who could sense something different about him without him having to initiate a word. "not all the time..." he responds, shifting uncomfortably in his seat, before taking a pause to organize his scattered thoughts. it is no easy feat, given how overwhelmed he feels emotionally. "well, it used to be like that, but now i've gotten better at shutting them out or ignoring them. it also depends on the strength of the spirits' presence, among other things." not wanting to spiral more inside, he sticks to the factual descriptions instead of worrying even more about jinho's changing perception of him. he is telling his truth and whether it is something that jinho can accept or handle is entirely up to his boyfriend.

[ameliiorate]

The only way to make him believe is to provide empirical evidence that couldn't be denied, and Jinho has his doubts. He's a skeptic, for all his proclaims of being a romantic. So much of what he does in his profession revolves around concepts of fates and 'perfect matches' and he has put stock in none of it. Jinho believes in action, and not in faith. His boyfriend is asking him to put a great deal of faith in him, and it's hard for him to reconcile how he feels for Anthony and how he regards the abilities that he is proclaiming to have. "No, I don't. I don't know much of anything, it seems." He doesn't even know Anthony, does he, if this is something that has been kept from him up to this point? Eyelashes flutter, and he heaves an elongated sigh. "You want me to hear you out...so I'm listening. I'm paying attention. Do..." His nose wrinkles. "Do your thing."

"the  only  way  to  make  you  believe  me  is  by  letting  you  hear  things  from  my  perspective."  he  asserts,  understanding  jinho's  defensiveness  all  too  well.  after  all,  his  very  existence  challenges  the  world  jinho  has  come  to  accept.  this  night  won't  be  easy  for  either  of  them,  but  it's  worth  the  effort  to  try,  rather  than  avoiding  it  altogether.  "not  all  spirits  linger  in  the  same  way  after  death.  some  have  a  stronger  presence  than  others  and  it’s  usually  true  for  those  who  have  recently  passed  away."  there's  no  guarantee  that  he  will  successfully  reach  jinho's  grandmother.  in  the  realm  of  spirits,  nothing  is  certain.  his  brows  furrow  and  his  shoulders  tense  with  determination.  his  response  comes  off  snappier  than  intended,  yet  he  can't  help  but  mirror  his  boyfriend's  defensiveness.  "just  because  i'm  a  medium  doesn't  mean  i  know  everything.  you  don't  know  every  living  person  either,  do  you?"

[ameliiorate]

sometimes, jinho still wonders if his mind is playing tricks on him. no matter the evidence that he has been provided, he struggles with the truth of it all. and that's, truly, what he is apologizing for. that he remains a skeptic despite everything, despite how much, before all of this, he had believed in anthony and what they had. "there's nothing for you to apologize for," he insists, eyes downcast. "especially since you were right to keep it from me, yeah? considering how i reacted when you told me the truth." he just isn't sure where they go from here. "it's all a lot to take in, but it has to be more of a burden for you. i feel like i still really don't know the depths of it. how long has this happened to you? how often does...it occur?" is the man that he's been spending all these months with constantly haunted by ghosts?

"i'd  like  to  apologize  for  how  i  acted."  /  @ameliiorate

anthony  nods,  accepting  jinho's  apology  with  grace.  his  shoulders  slump  with  a  mixture  of  relief  and  sadness  —  relief  at  finally  having  convinced  jinho  about  his  abilities  after  a  much-needed  medium  session,  and  dejection  over  having  to  do  so  in  the  first  place.  "i  don't  blame  you  for  not  believing  me."  he  responds,  his  tone  lighter  than  how  he  truly  feels.  "why  would  anyone  in  their  sane  mind  believe  it?"  he  sighs,  burying  his  face  in  his  hands  for  a  moment.  "i'm  sorry  i  hid  so  much  from  you...  but  you  know  i  had  no  other  choice."  lying  to  jinho  forever  isn't  a  feasible  choice,  but  neither  is  coming  clean  when  he  knew  jinho  would  be  unconvinced.  at  least  he's  grateful  the  man  cared  enough  to  give  him  a  chance  to  prove  himself.

[ameliiorate]

His eyes narrow. Anthony knows him well, just like Jinho had assumed that he also knew his boyfriend well until this bombshell had been dropped and he had been at a loss since. "The only way to make me believe you is for you to be vague?" He can't help but be defensive. "What she are you talking about? Everyone has someone that has died in their lives." And it's not like he had been close to many people in his family. Outside of his maternal grandmother who had passed on long ago. "The only person that might want to 'talk' to me is someone that has been gone for thirteen years...but why is that not something you already know?"

his  gaze  is  softened  by  empathy,  but  he  reckons  expressing  his  condolences  will  have  to  wait  when  his  boyfriend  has  so  many  pressing  questions.  "there's  nothing  that  i  can  say  to  make  you  believe  me."  not  fully,  anyway.  they  might  not  have  been  together  for  years,  but  he  knows  jinho  enough  to  understand  how  his  mind  operates.  "there's  only  one  way  to  prove  that  i'm  not  lying."  he  suggests  indirectly,  trying  to  gauge  jinho's  reaction  to  the  proposition.  of  course,  he  will  not  push  it  if  jinho  is  deterred  by  the  notion.  "how  long  has  it  been  since  she  left?"

[ameliiorate]

This whole thing is ludicrous to Jinho, and goes against everything that he has ever believed. Yet the concept of Anthony being so far pulled under such a delusion is just as hard for him to reconcile, and he lets out a long breath, having to fight back the urge to grimace at the mere thought of there being an 'other side.' "There is. A mentor of mine." He shrugs, acting as if he is unbothered by the death. "My grandmother. On my mother's side." She had been the only one to encourage him to be whoever he wanted whereas his parents had been so desperate to shape him how they wanted. "Why does that matter?"

jinho  has  every  reason  to  feel  suspicious  —  it's  precisely  why  anthony  has  always  been  reluctant  to  let  him  in  on  the  secret.  but  how  does  one  hide  something  so  fundamental  to  their  very  existence  indefinitely?  regardless  of  his  personal  sentiments  towards  the  matter,  the  phantoms  have  become  an  unerasable  part  of  his  life.  "...is  there  someone  that  you  miss,  who's  already  on  the  other  side?"  there's  no  assurance  that  he  can  ever  connect  with  them  and  many  individuals  prefer  not  to  embark  on  the  arduous  journey,  yet  those  who  do  are  the  ones  who  become  his  clients.