#◟ ★ ⊰ thread ‹ mwheeler x terra markov ›

[starsdrewa]

◟ ★ ⊰ closed starter. mike wheeler for tara markov. @mazeheart

◟ ★ ⊰ " i really don't like this place, " mike said, shaking his head. " it freaks me out. doesn't it freak you out? "

[starsdrewa]

◟   ��   ⊰   "   you   never   know.   people   can   surprise   you,   "   mike   stated,   his   attempt   at   offering   her   some   sort   of   comfort.   he   felt   bad,   he   really   wasn't   good   at   this   kind   of   thing,   but   he   was   doing   his   best.   "   then   maybe   they   were   never   your   friends   if   they   aren't   willing   to   see   the   new   you   at   all,   "   he   suggested.   he   didn't   know   what   the   old   terra   was   like,   he   wasn't   too   concerned   with   what   she   was   like,   either,   because   he   knew   this   new   version   of   her,   and   he   liked   her.   she   was   special   to   him.   "   i   think   you're   just   a   little   too   hard   on   yourself,   "   he   told   her,   a   frown   forming   on   his   features.   he   knew   what   that   felt   like,   though.   he   was   often   hard   on   himself,   too.   "   i   know,   "   he   said,   nodding.   the   past   could   be   quite   a   punishing   thing,   really.   he   wished   it   wasn't   the   case,   but   it   just   was.   mike   canted   his   head   slightly,   brows   furrowing   as   he   listened   to   her.   "   what   makes   you   so   sure   of   that   ?   "   mike   found   himself   asking   her.   surely,   she   couldn't   be   a   hundred   percent   positive   about   that,   right   ?   people   could   be   full   of   surprises.   the   question   surprised   him,   but   he   was   quick   to   pull   himself   together.   "   considering   i've   seen   people   here   who   did   die   back   where   i'm   from   ....   yeah,   i   can   believe   that,   "   he   told   her   calmly. 

tara exhaled a pained laugh. " not sure my old friends are the forgiving types anymore. " even if the titans were that kind , she didn't deserve it. if she didn't earn it with her sacrifice , she never would. " i can try all i want ... they'll still see the old me , " she said with a shrug. she didn't like her old her , either ; but it was all some people likely saw. old terra left her mark , to say the least. " plenty of people have a negative perception of me. i'm just one of them , " she agreed she had a terrible self image. as much false confidence she showed , no one hated her more than herself. ( certain titans may be second - in - line , however. ) she huffed silently , crossing her arms over her chest. " the past just likes the creep up on us. " she sniffled. she was the one who was scared and closed off ; always was , no matter how well she hid it. she just got good at acting. " i ruined my shot with him a long time ago , " she admitted , biting her lip to hold back emotion. " no matter how much i try ... " she trailed off as she looked away. she debated what she could tell mike to make him understand. she wanted to push him away , take away a variable in all this ; but he didn't seem to budge. " would you believe i'm supposed to be dead ? "

[starsdrewa]

◟ ★ ⊰ mike shrugged, not exactly able to disagree with that statement. he knew that most situations could technically be circumstantial. though, he doubted he'd ever change the way he felt about lying as an overall concept. he much preferred the truth, and he had felt that way his whole life. lying was only a worst case scenario, or something he did to protect someone else. otherwise, he couldn't do it. " sure, of course, " he agreed, nodding. there were many ways to learn lessons, he knew that. he also knew that sometimes, certain methods proved to be more impactful. mike was usually the one trying to keep her feeling positive, it was an odd experience having terra be the one trying to console him in a sense. he didn't want to give up, but he didn't want to ruin whatever life she might've had in mystic, either. he was conflicted, more so than he'd ever been before. " i don't want to give up, " he prefaced. " i just want her to be happy. i'm just not sure if it's with me, " mike admitted. " she does mean a lot to me, " he confirmed. that was why he was struggling with making a decision on what he should do.

" everything is circumstantial , " tara waved her hand. she knew they'd never agree on the subject matter of lying ; but this was perhaps the closest they'd get to a middle ground. she fidgeted as mike explained the good that comes from bad experiences. maybe he had a point , but she didn't know if it outweighed the bad. " there's more than one way to learn a lesson , " she countered. " some better than others. " she wasn't sure what she'd give to be in the scenario in which she forgot her past life. as much as the past you live makes you who are today , what does it matter when you don't like who you are ?? " hey , i don't know either , " she said as she playfully gave him a light punch on the arm. " it's just a suggestion ... it's not over until you say it's over. you just ... can't give up entirely , yeah ?? " she shrugged. " she means a lot to you , right ?? she worth it ? "

[starsdrewa]

◟ ★ ⊰ if she'd already put herself in an odd position, she could do her best to get out of it in a way that was as painless as possible. he didn't know what she experienced with the guy in question, and if she wasn't willing to divulge the details, he would be respectful of that. mike wasn't a pusher, so he would just try to remain as supportive as possible with the little information he did have. " hey, some people can be pretty forgiving. you never know if you don't try, you know, " he said. mike wasn't much of a motivational speaker, but he was doing his best to be supportive as possible. " i don't think you're trouble, " he argued, shaking his head. " i think you just have a negative perception of yourself. maybe he's just afraid because of the past, " he reasoned. " sometimes when people have been hurt, they just get a little scared and closed off. " he didn't wanna see her give up. " how do you know that for sure ? you never know unless you try, " he tried his best to be encouraging. " you can't change my idea of who you are. "

" that's what i thought too , " she mumbled as she rubbed her cheek with a shirt sleeve. tara had done enough lying ; what was a little more ?? was there even a point anymore. she was already caught. beast boy probably wouldn't believe a single word she said , anyways. did it even matter ??? " i've done enough to the poor guy ... between lying ... betrayal ... " she let out a loud groan. beast boy had no reason to like her again ; and she couldn't blame him. " like i've told you before ... i'm nothing but trouble , mike ... and this guy knows that better than anyone ... " she blew a stray hair away from her face. she probably looked a mess , not that she cared. she knew she was one. " it's been too late for a while now ... " at his question , she averted her gaze. " he wouldn't believe me anyways ... why would he ?? after everything ... " her voice trailed off. she let out a pained laugh at his words. she knew mike said what he meant , but still she struggled to believe him. " let's see if you still mean that after you learn my full story. "

[starsdrewa]

◟ ★ ⊰ " it's very circumstantial, " mike emphasized, still making his stance on lying known. he didn't agree with it, but it was occasionally justified. lying to protect was one thing, but lying to avoid issues was something else entirely. it was important to be truthful, because friends weren't supposed to lie. he wouldn't press for answers on her situation, because it was her own to deal with. he figured if his input was wanted, she'd had requested it herself. " i can get where you're coming from, but the bad parts can also teach you lessons and help you avoid certain mistakes in the future, " he pointed out. he'd learned a lot since meeting el, for example. there were things he knew how to deal with now that he'd never known how to deal with before. " i don't know, " he said, shaking his head. " maybe you're right about that, i don't know. "

tara merely hummed to himself at mike's response , not exactly agreeing. however , she did have to chuckle at the super hero bit. " so you agree ... lying has a place ? " or maybe the real question she wanted to ask : so good people can lie too ?? she was too scared to ask it aloud , though. " very different , " she said with a nod. she bit her lip in thought as she watched her friend for a moment. she wasn't very good at being real , but ... she'd try some for mike , of all people. " it's not about forgetting the good parts , ya know ... " she sighed. " it's ... it's the bad parts ... sometimes , they are better left in the past or forgotten. " it wasn't clear who she was talking about. " and you can always make better memories now. even if it's more effort. "

[starsdrewa]

◟ ★ ⊰ " well, yeah, technically ... " he said, nodding. " but you already lied once, so i guess it defeats the purpose of honesty anyways. " he furrowed his brows, head canting slightly. " what makes you say that it's too late ? it's hardly ever actually too late. " he hadn't been optimistic in quite some time, but he was doing his best for tara. mike nodded, understanding where she was coming from. " well, most people don't like it when they're lied to, " he told her, though he tried remaining sympathetic. " have you tried just telling the truth ? " he questioned, arching a brow. " i'm not saying anything i don't mean, " he insisted, shaking his head. " i am glad i met you, and i'm glad we're friends. i'm not delusional. "

" pretend , " tara repeated with a pained laugh. " isn't that ... i don't know ... lying ??? " she sniffled as she wiped her nose. " it's too late , anyways , " she mumbled. beast boy hated her , as he had every right to. she just added fuel to the flame. maybe , in some twisted way , it was for the best. it's what she deserved. " he caught me pretending already , and he was furious bout it , " she explained , calming down slightly. still , a rogue sob escaped. " he probably thinks i'm his nemesis right now ... after everything ... " she mused. she shook her head , fighting back tears again. she refused to believe mike's words. " if i didn't already know you hate lying ... " the back of her hand wiped a stray tear from her cheek. " i'd tell you to don't say things you don't mean ... so maybe you're more delusional than i thought. "

[starsdrewa]

◟ ★ ⊰ " i think people who lie a lot and are good at it, probably like lying. at least, that makes sense to me. the only people who do it a lot and don't like it, are usually super heroes trying to protect the people they care about. " that's what comic books told him anyways. " i'm sure it is different, " mike agreed, nodding. while they shared some common interests, mike wasn't oblivious to the fact that the two of them were very different. their upbringings weren't even remotely similar, he was sure. of course selflessness was the better answer. mike knew it, even if having to accept that was a low blow. " that makes sense. " especially for someone like el, who had endured so many hardships. he didn't know much about what tara had been through, but if it was anything similar, he could see why she'd want a fake life.

" do the best liars have to like lying ? " she asked , hypothetically. tara thought she was a pretty good liar , having based most of her past and current life on it ; but she wasn't sure she liked lying. not anymore. and yet here she was. she blinked at his question , unsure how to answer. she tended to be the bad things that happened to the people she cared about ... " probably not , " she finally responded. " but my situation is pretty different from yours i fear ," she reminded ; not that mike knew the full extent. " selflessness is probably the better answer , if i had to guess. if i had a fake , happier life ," which she was trying to have , " i'd want to live it for as long as possible. "

[starsdrewa]

◟ ★ ⊰ " just because i don't like lying, doesn't mean i don't know how to. " he really wasn't a good liar, though. not when it came to el, at least. he'd had an honesty policy with her for awhile. he didn't like breaking it. " i don't know, " mike answered sincerely. " what would you do if you had someone who meant a lot to you, but you knew they'd been through a lot of bad things ? would you still try to help them to remember who they were so that you'd feel better ? or would you want to be selfless and let them remember their fake, happier life ? "

" coulda fooled me , " she instinctually joked before pulling back. tara sure could be bad at reading other people , never mind the room. that's what one gets when they isolate themselves. " are you really keeping it from her if she's not asking about it ?? " she asked as she cocked her head to one side. " i'm just suggesting ... don't go in with the whole truth blazing upfront, is all , " she tried to elaborate. " you don't want to scare her off either , do you ?? "

[starsdrewa]

◟ ★ ⊰ mike stayed calm, because that was what she needed him to be. if he was panicking too, things would just become more tense. he wanted to try and diffuse the situation, not amplify it. " you can always tell the truth, " mike insisted, his voice relaxed. " so pretend like you remembered, " mike advised. while he wouldn't recommend lying, he could sometimes justify it in certain circumstances. " sometimes people just know when someone is lying. " he listened carefully as she spoke, nodding along. mike still rubbed her back, determined to soothe her to the best of his ability. " why can't you ask him? " he asked. " hey, don't say that. okay ? i'm glad you're here, and i'm glad i met you. "

" i can't tell the truth ! " tara yelled ; not at mike , specifically , but mostly at herself. she knew she dug herself into a hole ; one she wasn't sure she could get herself out of. " i pretended we were strangers ... " she admitted in a weaker tone. " it seemed simpler ... i should've known he would've seen through it all ... " the question only made her worse. " maybe , " she said as she almost sobbed. " i don't know what we were ... " she rubbed her eye. she tried to breathe. she could only catch her breath so much. " i shouldn't be here. this is some fucked up hell. "

[starsdrewa]

◟ ★ ⊰ “ no, i’m not a bad liar. ” at least, he hadn’t always been. he had successfully lied to his mother for quite some time about el, he just had a rule about lying to friends. he had lied to eleven before, but that was because he was scared of hopper. he didn’t want to lie. “ i don’t know if i can do that, ” he admitted, sighing. “ it still feels like lying if i’m keeping the whole truth from her. ”

" are you just a bad liar or ... " she asked , her mind lapsing for a moment. " sorry , forgot you're not ... uh ... big on lying to friends. " she couldn't relate. all she ever did was lie to people when they got too close. she was only partially honest with mike because he proved he could handle her nonsense ; but even still , she remained wary. she exhale a sigh. " you don't have to lie to her , but ... maybe don't be totally upfront either ?? might have to be a little weirdly cryptic ... just try to keep her close , maybe. "

[starsdrewa]

◟ ★ ⊰ he instinctively rubbed her back, doing what he could to soothe her. he wasn't good at comfort, but he tried. he didn't have the best role models in his parents when it came to things like this. of course, he'd always been closer to his mother, but she wasn't around at the moment. " why did you lie ? " he asked, trying to understand what was going on. " was he more than a friend? " he questioned, imagining that he must've been to warrant this kind of reaction. " just breathe, " he urged her.

she cried silently for a short while , fearing that she wouldn't be able to speak without sobs escaping. after a moment , tara tried to compose herself and her thoughts. " an old ... friend. " oh , beast boy was so much more than a friend ; but she didn't have a better word for what they were. " i ran into him and i lied. i pretended to not remember him and just , " she stopped mid - thought. she rubbed at her face and groaned. tears still came. " this is stupid. this is all so stupid. why is he even here. "

[starsdrewa]

◟ ★ ⊰ he squinted slightly at her response, wondering if that was her best attempt at offering him any sort of comfort. he shook his head, a sigh escaping his lips. " it's not the same. i can't lie to her, tara. i know who she is, and i remember everything about her. she just ... doesn't. " he didn't understand why, either.

" rough stuff , bro , " tara said at first. however , she needed to read the room. she cleared her throat. " that is rough ... but , like , if you won her over one time , you can do it again don't you think ?? " she struggled to relate. she was practically begging for her former friends to forget everything about her.

[starsdrewa]

◟ ★ ⊰ mike was someone who'd typically respect boundaries, and if it wasn't for the fact that he feared she'd collapse if he did let her go, he would've listened to her pleas. he just wanted to make sure she was okay. he understood wanting to be home, he knew the feeling all too well. he'd love to be home, too, but they weren't, and they needed to accept it until they could figure out a way back home. " face who? " he asked, confused. he tightened his grip slightly, a feeling of panic washing over him. he had no idea what to do with her.

tara pounded mike's chest as tears started to well in her eyes. " i said let me go , mike , " she said as she started to give up. she wiped at her own cheeks. " let me go , " came out more like a whine as she collapsed into his grasp. " i just wanna go home ... i ... i can't face him again. i can't face any of them again. " now the real tears started to flow. she couldn't hold them back ; it was either the tears or her powers.

[starsdrewa]

◟ ★ ⊰ it must've been nice to be in her shoes. at least, when it came to being content in mystic. " my girlfriend doesn't even know who i am, " mike said, frustrated. " she looked right through me ... like she had never laid eyes on me before. i hate that feeling. "

" not really , " tara admitted. where she came from , there were super powered teens fighting super powered villians ; it made this place seem normal in comparison. " i think it's pretty chill here ... i'm not even worried about leaving. "

[starsdrewa]

◟ ★ ⊰ he knew she was in need of a friend. mike had gotten pretty good at being perceptive, hence the reason he was so adamant on pulling her in for a hug, even if she denied needing one at the moment. he was concerned for her, as he'd never seen her like this before. " tara, " he said, trying to remain calm. " please, just let me help you. you're not okay. you're .. you're shaking. "

@starsdrew 𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒂 𝒎𝒆𝒎𝒆 ( 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐚𝐜𝐜𝐞𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 ) ⬎

[ hold on ] mike & tara

tara had practically been shaking when mike pulled her in. she was on the verge of a panic attack ; brought on as she tried to explain her recent encounter with a certain someone. she tried to push mike away , but her attempts were futile as she fought back tears. " let me go , " she begged , though her knees were mere moments from giving out. " i'm fine. i'm fine , " she lied. " let me go. "