#█ ▌▌;v: ιғ yoυ need ғorgιveneѕѕ – { season 2 }

[belomi]

" You want to do what? No. That's suicide. ”

WARTIME STARTERS || accepting

   Was this even Bellamy’s idea anymore? The uncertainty lingered inside of him, weighing the probability of him getting KILLED. Yeah– it WAS his idea, but Clarke’s original firm NO had been reassuring. I THOUGHT YOU HATED THAT PLAN– THAT I WOULD GET MYSELF KILLED.

                                                              IT’S WORTH THE RISK.

   He replayed those words over and over in his mind, trying to convince himself once more that it WERE true. He had found a safety in the denial, only to have it { RIPPED } from him. 

   Bellamy let out a sigh, shaking his head as he searched the little clothes he had brought on the march for ANYTHING that resembled something a Grounder would wear. Annoyance grew inside of him– not necessarily at Murphy, but at the entire situation. 

          ❝ It’s worth the risk.  ❞

   Bellamy parroted the words back, shoulders slumping as he tossed a balled-up shirt from one hand to the other. Shaking his head, he finally turned to face the other. What was he SUPPOSED to do? Tell Clarke that he didn’t want to do go into Mount Weather anymore? 

           ❝ It’s our BEST shot at getting eyes on the inside. Lincoln knows the way– we’ll be               fine. ❞

[belomi-archive]

"I should've protected you."

ANGST MEME || accepting

   He wondered who this was harder on, him or her. While he was the one who had been rendered nearly UNRECOGNIZABLE within Mount Weather, she was the one that had to keep going && carry the weight of their people on her shoulders. He had wished, time and time again, that he could have survived. Perhaps, in another reality, he DID. But here, in this time and in this place, Bellamy was something that only she could see.

   And still, he wanted, more than anything, to shield her from the harshness of the world. The older of the two shook his head lightly, grasping her hand ever so gently. He found it odd, honestly, to be able to TOUCH her under the circumstances, but never fought against it. If anything, it made HIM feel like he was less insane-- like holding on to her meant that he wasn’t going to disappear from this world just yet.

          ❝ You can’t always blame yourself. ❞

   He had told her this time && time again and he KNEW that it would never truly seep in. How could she ever { TRULY } forgive herself when he was standing right before her? Giving her hand a slight squeeze, he tried to find a new way to explain it to him-- this AFTER LIFE that he didn’t mind too terribly. And really, why should he? Everything he had cared about while he was alive was what kept him tethered to the ground. If only the { OTHER } one could see him, however.

          ❝ I’m here because I want to be. I don’t want to be a REMINDER of the things you’ve done, and I’m-- ❞

   Bellamy paused, finding his words stuck in his throat && phantom tears threatening to spill down his cheeks.

          ❝ I had hoped that you’d BELIEVE me when it came to that. ❞

   He paused once more, shaking his head as he let go of the warmth of her skin. That’s what he missed most of all-- the feeling of warmth. It was such a trivial thing to him when he was alive, but now that he couldn’t TRULY have it, physical proximity seemed like such a daunting issue. 

   Bellamy found he couldn’t catch her gaze once more. As much as he wanted to stay with her, to grasp onto her hand and feel the warmth of her skin, he couldn’t help but wonder if it was time to cut the tether that held him to Earth. Clenching his teeth tightly, he shrugged his shoulders, trying to seem as noncommittal to staying as possible, knowing she would never force him to leave if he had truly WANTED to stay. 

          ❝ I can go, Clarke. If me being here hurts you, then I can let you move on. I just-- I couldn’t let you blame yourself. You need to remember that I sent myself in there, alright? I KNEW the risk, and I took it anyways. ❞

[belomi]

@phiinn liked for a thing.

   Bellamy glances towards Finn, a finger tapping nervously at his thigh. Him and Lincoln were to set out soon && there were so many things that could go WRONG. The Reapers, the Mountain Men, the Trikru. IT’S WORTH THE RISK. He kept replaying those words over in his mind, trying to keep the sting at bay. Who knows-- if he repeated it enough, { MAYBE } he would believe it.

   I really am going to get myself killed. He let out a sigh, pushing up from his perch on a log as he closed the gap between him and Finn. While the other had begun to lose his way, he had snapped back && the respect Bellamy held for him still stood strong. Chances are, had both of them been alone, they wouldn’t have made SURVIVED after the separation from the the rest of the hundred.

          ❝ --I’m glad you’re back. ❞

   Back to NORMAL. Back to the boy who had a strong aversion to killing. Hell-- Bellamy had been JEALOUS of that. Keep Finn i n n o c e n t for as long as he could, that was the goal. && while it was becoming apparently that it was a matter of WHEN he would lose that innocence, that didn’t stop Bellamy from clinging to the idea. 

           ❝ If anything goes wrong, I need you to make sure Octavia knows I love her. ❞