#╰╰ 🌺 ﾟ . * ONCE FRAILER THAN FLOWERS ‚ NOW STRONGER THAN STEEL. ‹ 𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐚. ›

[frailpetals]

reflecting a little bit further on hanako's childhood, if you ask her, she wouldn't talk bad about her father in any way, but after her mother passed, he wasn't kind like she knew him to be. he wasn't necessarily cruel, and he never hit her, but he would tell her she was too old to be 'coddled' by him anytime she went to him for a hug or comfort when she was scared or hurt after training. her father became neglectful in the wake of his wife's passing, but he wasn't always that way.

sometimes, she would get the father who smiled when she greeted him at the door, using his one hand to ruffle her hair or pull her into a hug. she would get the father who would read her bedtime stories until she fell asleep and tuck her in at night, who would be her father again and who loved her and who she loved and looked up to.

but most days, she would get the man who made her train until she could barely stand, until she nearly passed out, no matter the season or weather. she would get the man she could never impress, no matter how fast she was or how strong she became, no matter how many times she knocked him down would always find a way to get back up, who would knock her down again and again until she could barely breathe. the nights after her final selection, while waiting for her sword, hanako had her father back for a few days. they were happy for those few days, and naoto even waved off his daughter with a smile, telling her she could come home anytime. hanako kept her eyes forward, because she would cry otherwise, and she knew she could never come back.

there's a reason hanako hasn't been home since the nights after her final selection: because she lived in an empty house with an empty man who so happened to wear the face of her father.

[frailpetals]

hanako's father, retired demon slayer ryuuji naoto, was a firm but kind and loving man for most of hanako's youth. he retired when she was around three years old after losing his left arm to a demon on a mission. hanako remembered her mother spied the crow circling their house and went pale. hanako remembered her father stumbling up the dirt path to their house as she ran out to greet him like always. he was different now, but she loved her father all the same.

hanako's mother, ryuuji kotoko, was a doctor in the nearby city, and knew all too well what she was getting herself into by marrying a demon slayer. she had grown up in a small village that had been plagued by monsters in the night, and as soon as she had a child of her own to protect, kotoko planted a garden of wisteria along the edge of their property to keep her family safe. however, shortly before hanako's seventh birthday, she fell ill after treating a patient, and died within the year.

hanako, at age eight, watched grief change her father in ways she couldn't comprehend. he was harsher on her now, when she begged him to teach her how to fight like he had, he was stricter than she ever knew him to be. her progress was never enough, she was never strong enough, never fast enough, never clever enough. she used the knowledge her mother had given her to exploit the physical weaknesses in her opponent's bodies to disable them and allow her to defeat them. she killed at least three demons during her final selection this way, as she had taken her father's sword with her the night she left.

[frailpetals]

before she died, hanako wanted to go home to see her father, to see whether she'd see her father, or the empty shell of a man who was around for much of her childhood. she never got to, though, as she was going to go home for a bit after she finished taking care of the demon that killed her.

[frailpetals]

what's holding you back ??

the inability to be satisfied with the present.

you're unhappy with the life you're living right now, so you're always looking ahead or behind of you. the past seems so much sweeter after years of nostalgia has eroded your brain. you long for it back, even if it was full of awful experiences, because you feel like anything is better than this. and to you, the future is something you hold onto with great desperation. it's what drives you to get up and get through the day. but you've done this for so long, and now you've settled into a pattern. you wake up and already wish for another day. then, when the day is over, you wish for it back. there's nothing inherently wrong with looking towards the future or reflecting on the past. however, it's now preventing you from even seeing the point in existing today. let yourself live and experience things firsthand. let go of those memories and desires, even if it's just for a small minute or two. with time, you might start to see the beauty in the present. don't you want to live in the moment for a change? wouldn't it be nice to feel like you have enough where you are, right now?

tagged by: @slayersaidedtagging: uhhhh just yoink it and say i tagged you

[frailpetals]

i rewatched mugen train tonight bc i hate myself that much and uh. hanako's subconscious realm is damn near empty, and that's because she is too. as much as she is the caring big sister type, she's also horribly, terribly empty inside, and her soul reflects that in it's truest form. it's not empty and calm like tanjiro's, it's just empty, and in a way, she made herself that way.

i have a lot of thoughts about hanako and her father but i've been utterly incoherent lately

[frailpetals]

so ive decided its less important who or what hanako dies to, but rather how and when she dies. hanako dies fighting a demon, obviously, but she dies protecting younger slayers, or so she thinks. her sacrifice is useless, of course, and the slayers she was trying to protect end up dead anyways, just like her. at most her sacrifice buys them a few minutes. she dies quickly and painfully and alone, so very, very close to the end of it all, both her own battle and the war on demons.

[frailpetals]

tag drop as i contemplate changing hanako's psd

[frailpetals]

although hanako's father, a retired demon slayer himself, taught her to fight, she never actually learned any of the breathing styles. her father never taught her because he himself never knew any, but hanako often heard stories or even found a way to sneak around and watch a demon slayer fight every now and then, and picked up total concentration breathing purely from what she'd seen and heard. her use and mastery of it aided her in surviving the final selection and surviving as long as she had and rising through the ranks.

[frailpetals]

anyways, since i'm throwing posts to the void without tags atm since i'm a Snail. hanako smells like wisteria pretty heavily. her usual scent consists of wisteria, bitter herbs, medicinal balm, and if she's been able to get her hands on some recently, sweet fruit. she tends to attract butterflies when the sweeter and herbal notes of her smell pop out, and weaker demons tend to be repulsed by the scent of wisteria on her.