#╰ text message from everybody but mikey knows who ☣ meme reply ╮

[filipendulcus]

tag dump

[techinclined]

Send my muse a word and they’ll tell you something about their past related to that word (Angst Edition).

@everythingisoverturning said: Loveless

“Does thirty years alone with your brothers believing you’re dead count?

There was a common thread in Karai’s torture during that time. That my family didn’t care enough about me to confirm that I was dead or find a body. And for a time, I think I started to believe her. That I was the weak link... that they didn’t really need me. Even after they broke apart in petty squabbles, all of it started to feel... kind of like a fantasy.

Had they ever loved me? Had they ever loved each other? Had we all spent eighteen years fooling ourselves? Were we just too different? Would they care if they found me? Would they even want me back? Someone who left on a foolish mission and got himself captured and tortured for so long...

I still have doubts that they can find love for me after all this time. Maybe Karai’s words sunk in deeper than I thought.”

[boficionado-a2]

Send my muse “Thank god you’re breathing.” for their reaction to waking up finding your muse has brought them back from near death.

@worldsensed​ said: "thank god you're breathing."

Oh, everything hurt. Everything hurt in ways he really couldn’t explain, and he didn’t like it one bit. He was unsettled, aching, and his head was swimming. Even the words being spoken to him sounded like they were coming from underwater... or was he the one underwater? He really couldn’t tell.

Groaning softly, he shifted his weight, noting how his body protested the movement with every shift of his muscles. What had he gotten himself into?

But the voice was familiar, and comforting. One from his childhood that he’d remembered being so calm and patient with him, despite his oddities and eccentricities. Someone who understood. Letting a little whining chirp carry out of his throat, he tried to open his eyes again. If he could hear her voice, that meant she was there, right?

“Mmph...” No, Donnie. Try again. “Mom...?”

[techinclined]

Send my muse a word and they’ll tell you something about their past related to that word (Angst Edition).

@shiningsilverarmor​ said: Loneliness

“I don’t think people really understand what loneliness can do to someone until they’ve experienced it on the long-term. I spent thirty years secluded from my family, with only memories of better times replaying in my head like worn film to keep me company. It was painful, and maddening. Something in you breaks, I think, after a few years of it.

Oddly, the worst of it wasn’t the start. The worst of it was in the last few days after the war ended. I was alone in a cell and suddenly, not even Karai or one of her goons came to harass me. It was nothing but silence, crushing in on me for hours. I started to think the end had finally come. That they’d gotten tired of keeping me alive and were content to let me starve away the last few weeks of my already miserable existence. I think...

I think for the last few hours, before April and her recovery team made it that far in during their explorations, I actually cried for the first time in thirty years. Because all of a sudden, I had no one. Not my father or my brothers, not my friends, not even my enemies. Just me and my thoughts.

Thoughts of how I could’ve done things differently, escaped or gotten away before they had the chance to fake my public “execution.” It fucks with your head, far worse than you would think, that kind of loneliness.

Even now, after months back with the people I love, I can feel it in my bones. I flinch when I’m touched and I wake up in a panic because I don’t know how to respond to the sort of fullness that comes with being around other people, being hugged and fed and treated kindly for the first time in thirty years.

I don’t think I’m the same Donatello the Shredder’s forces captured thirty years ago. My brothers don’t know how to handle that, for all they say that I’m their brother and they still love me.

And that’s a more painful loneliness than anything else in this world.”

[techinclined]

Send me ‘This Sparks Joy’ for a happy headcanon about my muse! Send me ‘This Does Not Spark Joy’ for a sad one!

@gctjinxd​ said:  This does not spark joy

It’s very hard for Donnie, at this point, to separate his time as the Shredder’s captive and his time free in the aftermath of the war. He still wakes up having panic attacks, and finds himself throwing himself out of bed, as if preparing himself for yet another fight or beating, or to start scheming another far-fetched escape plot. It’s even harder for him to settle down after. Peacetime has almost been less kind to him than it has his brothers, though their struggles have been very different.

[techinclined]

Send me ‘This Sparks Joy’ for a happy headcanon about my muse! Send me ‘This Does Not Spark Joy’ for a sad one!

@everythingisoverturning said: This Sparks Joy :DD

While it’s more of a parlor trick and not something he does often, he’s ridiculously good at counting cards. This has resulted in most of his brothers refusing to play almost any card game with him, from War to Blackjack. It’s one of his favorite things to do with new friends, though.

[techinclined]

Send me ‘This Sparks Joy’ for a happy headcanon about my muse! Send me ‘This Does Not Spark Joy’ for a sad one!

@saiofred​ said: This Sparks Joy

Donnie actually really likes to sing. He doesn’t have a bad voice, but he’s pretty self conscious about it, and as a result he’s less likely to sing in front of other people. He can recite “I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General,” though, and it’s pretty impressive if you can get him to do it for you.

[techinclined]

Words About the Past...

@bracedvigilante​ said: Misunderstanding

“We’ve certainly had our fair share of those, haven’t we, Seb? But Master Splinter did always say that I let my intelligence get in the way of other things. Never listening to you when you said what the best ways would be to make the lair more accessible, never listening whenever you told me how best to help you.

Like somehow I knew better than you when you lived it. Guess I’m the one with egg on my face now. But be that as it may, I’m honestly really glad we’ve managed to figure things out. Even if the circumstances leading to that were...

...well. Less than ideal.”

[techinclined]

Ask Me Anything on Anon

anonymous said: Sorry is answered already but your favorite invention that you have ever made?

“Oh, Metalhead, no question! I mean, all my vehicles are cool- and I did build my own wheelchair and design some of the mobility tools we use around the lair these days- but Metalhead? A slice above. I’ve been working on a modified version, a bigger one, and I’ve got the miniature I use from time to time too.

I mean, sure, he’s just junk and Kraang parts, but... I like to think I did a pretty good job.”

[techinclined]

Ask Me Anything on Anon

anonymous said: Brother you get along with the least?

“I know this tends to come as a shock to a lot of people, but honestly I don’t have a brother I get along with the least. There’s a lot of us, and I squabble with everyone from time to time- every last one of them, no exceptions. I suppose Leo and I butt heads more than others sometimes, but that’s the difference in the way we maneuver around problems more than anything.

At the end of the day, it isn’t a matter of who I get along with so much as it’s a matter of what’s happening on that particular day and how it’s bothering everyone.”

[techinclined]

Words About the Past...

@techniicality​ said: Illness

“I think you know this one almost better than I do. That time when we were kids, like little kids, and you got just... so sick. I remember knowing before it even happened. Being upset and Sensei couldn’t figure out why. Then you started getting sick, and your temperature shot up.

The worst part of it was that I wasn’t allowed to be in the room with you through it. None of us were. It was... weird. Scary. Since we were mutated into literal weeks old infants, we’d never been apart. We shared the same room, the same bed, did just about everything together. Inseparable. But Sensei obviously didn’t want to risk any of the rest of us catching it, and you were just...

Even when I had the reaction to the strawberries that one time. That wasn’t anywhere near as scary as sitting by the soaking pool feeling like threads were being cut in the back of my head.

I guess that’s why we’re so careful now.”

[techinclined]

Words About the Past...

anonymous said: Cruelty

"I don’t think I knew how to quantify cruelty when I was a teenager. I’d seen what the Shredder was capable of, or at least I thought. But I didn’t really know the worst of it until I was captured.

I was kept in a cell for thirty years. Tortured, probed for information, ridiculed. Karai and her drones did their best to try to break me, but I would not let her win. She kept me alive, as healthy as she could, just so she could dangle what her master had done to the world. How my family had broken, fallen apart.

Hell, I was put on live television and injected with some kind of serum that gave me violent convulsions and made me appear dead on EKG and EEG devices, making sure my own brothers were forced to watch me “die” with no way to step in and stop it. It was horrific, and painful. And my only regret now is that the Shredder’s empire fell without me ever being able to get a hit in for my family.

And for me.”

[techinclined]

𝐇𝐔𝐑𝐓 / 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐓   ♡   𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒

@techniicality​ said: “   you’ve  always  been  strong  for  me .   let  me  return  the  favor .   ”

Normally Donnie would have refused. As much as he adores his egg twin, as much as they’ve been through... even in his current state he tries his damnedest to keep Nico from having to shoulder the burden he carries from day to day. Protective to the end. But today he lets out a quiet sigh, leaning over to put his head on his mirror’s shoulder.

“I suppose I can. For one day. But you have to promise to actually rest after we’ve got all this done, all right? If you don’t I hold the right to sit on you until you do.”

[techinclined]

𝐇𝐔𝐑𝐓 / 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐓   ♡   𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒

@grandtheftautobot​ said: “ just say the word . you know i’d do anything for you . ”

“Leah, the only thing I want you to do right now is survive.”

He’s tired. It’s a tired he isn’t sure he can fix with some sleep, or rest. Thirty years in a cell tired. Thirty years of torture tired. But he’s here, his family is here, Leah is here. Those are the most important things to him right now. Much more important than a war that’s finally open, and in his mind sometimes even more important than the rebuilding they’re enacting now.

“I still can’t quite believe it’s all over, you know. I keep expecting to wake up in that damn cell again, Karai banging on the bars, all smug... but here I am.”

[techinclined]

WHAT TYPE OF LONELY ARE YOU

loneliness born of inadequacy

you've never been as good as your peers, this was made abundantly clear to you at a young age. they hate you for being lesser than them. you don't know what you do wrong, maybe it's not even your actions anymore. it's just you, you're just wrong. you've learned to blend into the shadows. don't speak unless spoken to. don't get excited. don't show your emotions at all, actually. no one cares.

[techinclined]

HOW WERE YOU RUINED?

ruined by loneliness

you are so lonely. you are miserable in your solitude. you hate that you cannot bring yourself to reach out, to ask for help. you will be forgotten by all who never knew you. your biggest fear is that you will die alone, and you know this fear will be seen to fruition. you refuse to extend yourself beyond the box that others put you in. and it is a box that no one dare come near. you are lonely because you are afraid of yourself.