#┋ broken halos; folded wings that used to fly. – aesthetic.

[scaffoldheld-a]

MUSE AESTHETICS :  SLEEPING AT LAST  —  ATLAS

bold what always applies to your muse. italicize what applies to your muse conditionally.

DARKNESS

the mind was made to illuminate the heart.  /  we carve our names on the surface of history.  /  all our strength came out of the woodwork.  /  we only know this light as darkness crashes against it.  /  it’s a cruel trick how we find ourselves when we lose everything else. /  our mistakes they were bound to be made.  /  the smell of the falling and burning leaves. /  the bitterness of winter.  /  the sweetness of spring.  /  there was bad blood in us.  /  the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.  /  firewood burning bright in the dead of winter.  / were we broken right from the start?  /  forgiveness is a lesson he cursed you to learn.  /  just live what little life your broken heart can. /  just live what little life your mended heart can.  /  darkness exists to make life truly count.

SPACE ONE

space and time takes violent things, angry things, and makes them kind.  /  we are infinite as the universe we hold inside.  /  we may fall in love every time we open up our eyes.  /  i am desperate, if nothing else.  /  no one can unring this bell, unsound this alarm, unbreak my heart new. /  i am dissonance waiting to be swiftly pulled into tune.  / somehow i’ve fallen in love with this middle ground at the cost of my soul.  / all of this mess is just my attempt to know the worth of my life.  /  the night sky once ruled my imagination.  /  let my change of heart occur.  / fault lines tremble underneath my glass house.  /  there was an avalanche of change. /  we laid our names to rest along the dotted line.  /  we were amateurs at war, strangers to suffering.  /  another lie from the front lines.  /  our backs against the wall, we’re surrounded and afraid.  /  though time is ruthless, it showed us kindness in the end.  /  a second chance to make amends.  /  losing track of what we’re fighting for.

SPACE TWO

a secret under lock and key.  /  while collecting the stars, i connected the dots.  /  i don’t know who i am, but now i know who i’m not.  /  make my messes matter, make this chaos count.  /  you taught me the courage of stars before you left.  /  how rare and beautiful it is to even exist.  /  a stained glass variation of the truth.  / stitch by stitch i tore apart.  / if brokenness is a form of art i muse be a poster child prodigy.  /  an open book with a torn out page.  /  a model citizen of doubt.  /  i’m pinned under the weight of what i believed would keep me safe.  /  show me where my armor ends, show me where my skin begins.  /  the heaviness that i hold in my heart is crushing me.

LAND

a little broken, a little new.  /  the impact and the glue.  /  some truths are sharper than knives. /  truth’s got its sight set on you.  /  if truth is north, then i am true south.  /  i set out to rule the world with only a paper shield and a wooden sword.  /  i bear little resemblance to the king i once was.  /  i bear little resemblance to the king i could become.  /  half your heart has yet to come home.

LIFE

all we held dear was on the line.  / my heart reconciled all the darkness and light inside my chest. /  i saw the future unfold in silver and gold.  /  you are grace, you are light.  /  i can’t keep my head from spinning out of control.  /  is this what being vulnerable feels like?  /  i’m only steady on my knees.  /  i’ll run the risk of being intimate with brokenness.  /  a thousand fingerprints on the surface of who i am.  /  let the scaffolding inside of me be strong enough to hold this tired body up.  /  i was given a gift of hope.  /  

SENSES

fall in love in a single touch, and fall apart when it hurts too much.  /  all i want is to flip a switch before something breaks that cannot be fixed.  /  pain is a well-intentioned weatherman.  /  god, i want to feel again.  /  i am aware of what light tastes like.  /  like fists unravelling, like glass unshattering.  /  i’m well aware of the shadows within my heart.  /  i want to be astonished.  /  nothing less than a work in progress.  /  sacred text on post it notes.  /  the light goes out, my heart goes still.

EMOTIONS

the calm water in the middle of an anxious sea.  /  the starting line of an adventure.  /  the faint outline of the divine.  /  losing my balance again and again.  / each brave step forward, i take three steps behind.  /  its mind over matter.  /  a single lose thread and it all comes undone.  /  in our great sorrow, we learn what joy means.  /  with a broken heart, transformation begins.  /  i feel the pressure building until i can’t breathe. /  reckless but honest words leave my mouth.  /  it’s fight or flight.  /  a last minute man of faith.  /  kerosene on a flame of doubt.  /  it’s too late for holy water now.

tagged by  –  no one i made the thing and tagged myself tagging  –  @troubldtwn​ (any muse), @winebleeds​, @riskembraced​, @armyhoned​, @asporcelain​, @troublekilled​ + anyone who wants to!

[dyingthing]

RUSSIAN CLASSICS AESTHETIC.

BROTHERS KARAMAZOV. orthodox monasteries. deep woods. starry nights. the sound of paper being torn. dimly lit rooms. withered roses. an unfinished letter. piles of books. the sound of shattering glass. ticking of clocks in a silent house. heavy wooden furniture. the air before a storm. the smell of earth. a crowd of people dressed in black. distant murmurs. emptied streets. the fear of walking alone in dusk.

CRIME AND PUNISHMENT. coldness of the skin against a blade. slender pale fingers and slightly shaking hands. a red stain blooming on white fabric. lonely steps in a corridor. the slow dripping of water. looking out of the window into the thickening darkness. a single dying candle on the table. listening to one’s breath and counting heartbeats. too many stairs. the desire to be invisible. a subtle memory of kind words.

THE IDIOT. classical statues. wealth covered with dust. a dark house tainted with inherited madness. an unsettling feeling. long walks in a park. useless chatter. a silken ribbon forgotten on a bench. a melancholic face. an unexpected spring rain. the joy of reading one’s favorite book. the clarity of mind after fully perceiving the world around. looking at cloudless sky.  

ANNA KARENINA. fields of crops. flowers brought from an early morning walk. the wind caressing a girl’s hair. a bowl of fruit. the smell of ripe pears. the clatter of a spoon against porcelain when stirring tea. children’s laughter coming from the garden. soft sunlight and white curtains. the sensation of velvet against skin. pearls from a ripped necklace spilling on marble floor. a sudden silence in a room full of people.

WAR AND PEACE. a glass of wine. the brightness of a crystal chandelier. white lace. a raging snow storm. the sound of a door being gently closed. the moment of holding one’s breath before walking in a ball room. indulging in looking at a beautiful earring against light. the sound of a saber being drawn. closing one’s eyes for a moment while dancing. the sweet smell of strawberries. a pair of gloves left on an armchair. light scent of powder.

THE MASTER AND THE MARGARITA. the chaos of a lively city. ambient jazz in expensive restaurants. jumping on a moving tram. the sight of Moscow from the roof of a house. yellow flowers in a vase. leaning out of the window. shelves stacked with books. a small tin box with old photographs. strange shapes in the night sky. laughing in the middle of the night on a balcony. colorful posters for a surreptitious magician’s show floating in the wind.

EUGENE ONEGIN. a lonely mansion. reading a book in the parlor. faint piano melody lingering in falling silence. long evenings. passing seasons. discussing french novels of the moment. unspoken thoughts. leaning against the door frame. quickly averted glance. eating a peach absent-minded. bright mornings. footprints in snow. a loud gunshot terrifying a flock of birds nearby.

A HERO OF OUR TIME. byronic boredom. getting up late in the afternoon. the hidden unspeakable sadness of existence. shakespeare’s tragedy opened next to untouched breakfast. cigarette smoke. polished boots. walking with one’s coat wide open letting the night chill break through to the bone. carved wooden chair. fading warmth of the ashes late in the evening. the thought of farewell.

FATHERS AND SONS. birch groves. morning mist. moss covered stones near a moor. scientific books. white roses. cheap champagne. shabby pocket-watch. light-hearted irony. a maladroit cello sonata. freshly mowed grass. leaving thoughts come and go. a slow yawn. picturesque plates and bowls filled with traditional dishes. drinking tea on the porch. longing for the future.

DOCTOR ZHIVAGO. a strange feeling of loss. writing poems in a diary. traveling by train. the hesitation before touching someone’s hand. the gaze of one lost in thought. the warmth of cinnamon. a scarf brightly embellished with flowers. a glass of water. two people listening each on the other side of the door. a threadbare jacket. the tempting void. the evanescent serenity of yesterday.

DEAD SOULS. horses in a merry gallop. delicious smells mingled. grotesque and bizarre tragedy. luxurious attire cheap soul. masks. a perfumed love letter. the triumph of sarcasm. an unattached wheel rolling down a dusty road. the atmosphere of commedia dell’arte. puzzling speeches. a baffling caricature drawn on a handkerchief.

CHERRY ORCHARD.   a lone chair in an empty room. falling blossoms. old samovar. the unsettling need for change. a mirror reflecting full moon. the disappointment of a glossy object turning worthless after second glance. a piano out of tune.

tagged by :   no one. stole the bitch.  tagging :  you.

[hopewilled-archive-blog]

tag drop

⋅   meme   ╱   run the risk of being intimate with brokenness .  ❜ ⋅   open   ╱   i’m not looking to be found ; i just want to feel unlost .  ❜ ⋅   call   ╱   initiate the heart within me .  ❜ ⋅   wishlist   ╱   add our question marks to periods .  ❜ ⋅   ooc   ╱   the human equivalent of a trainwreck .  ❜ ⋅   psa   ╱   if you or a loved one has been diagnosed with mesothelioma . . .  ❜ ⋅   saved   ╱   kept safe from the horrors of the world .  ❜ ⋅   queue   ╱   thank queue for your time .  ❜ ⋅   promo   ╱   there's something so magic about you .  ❜ ⋅   self promo   ╱   sit on back and watch me crash .  ❜

⋅   character study   ╱   for the world is hollow and i have touched the sky .  ❜ ⋅   playlist   ╱   lost between the silence and the sound .  ❜ ⋅   likes   ╱   daring to sleep beside the dying fire .  ❜ ⋅   desires   ╱   i keep a close watch on this heart of mine .  ❜ ⋅   body   ╱   let the scaffolding be strong enough to hold this tired body up .  ❜ ⋅   skills   ╱   try to breathe until it turns to muscle memory .  ❜ ⋅   aesthetic   ╱   broken halos ;  folded wings that used to fly .  ❜ ⋅   self   ╱   angel boy ;  narrow and straight laced and fallen astray .  ❜

⋅   v ;  arc i .   ╱   what happened to the soul you used to be ?  ❜ ⋅   v ;  arc ii .   ╱   back before i lost myself somewhere .  ❜ ⋅   v ;  arc iii .   ╱   you don’t want to know my darkest lows .  ❜ ⋅   v ;  arc iv .   ╱   falling feels like flying until you hit the ground .  ❜

⋅   v ;  statesman   ╱   when the whiskey is the only thing you have left to hold .  ❜ ⋅   v ;  lantern   ╱   in fearful day and in raging night .  ❜

[scaffoldheld-a]

tag drop #1  –  benji.

┋ a little bit holy water; but still a little bit burning man.  –  self. ┋ i settled my grievance by crafting a mask and i never looked back.  –  study. ┋ broken halos; folded wings that used to fly.  –  aesthetic. ┋ let the scaffolding be strong enough to hold this tired body up.  –  body. ┋ and the angels sang a whiskey lullaby.  –  voice. ┋ lost between the silence and the sound.  –  playlist. ┋ try to breathe until it turns to muscle memory.  –  skills. ┋ show me where my armor ends; show me where my skin begins.  –  style.

[dyingthing]

the body is just a shell to the soul  /  aesthetics

tagged by  /  @anxietytorn tagging  /  anyone who wants to!

bold what applies. italicise what somewhat or sometimes applies.

BODY   /   long legs. short legs. average legs. slender thighs. thick thighs. muscular thighs. skinny arms. soft arms. muscular arms. toned stomach. flat stomach. flabby stomach. soft stomach. six pack. beer belly. lean frame. slender frame. muscular frame. voluptuous frame. petite frame. lanky frame. short nails. long nails. manicured nails. dirty nails. flat butt. toned butt. bubble butt. thick butt. small waist. thick waist. narrow hips. average hips. wide hips. big feet. average feet. small feet. soft feet. slender feet. calloused feet. calloused hands. soft hands. big hands. average hands. small hands. long fingers. short fingers. average fingers. broad shoulders. underweight. average weight. overweight.

HEIGHT   /   shorter than 140 cm. 141 cm to 150 cm. 151 cm to 160 cm. 161 cm to 170 cm.171 cm to 180cm. 181 cm to 190 cm. 191 cm to 2m. Taller than 2 m.

SKIN   /   pale. fair. rosy. olive. dark. tanned. blotchy. smooth. acne. dry. greasy. freckled. scarred.

EYES   /   small. large. average. grey. brown. black. blue. red. green. gold amber. hazel. violet. doe-eyed. almond. close-set. wide-set. squinty. monolid. heavy eyelids. upturned. down turned.

HAIR   /   thin. thick. fine. normal. greasy. dry. soft. shiny. scruffy. frizzy. curly. wild. unruly. straight. smooth. wavy. floppy. cropped. pixie-cut. short. shoulder length. back length. waist length. floor length. buzz cut. bald. jaw length. vermilion. mohawk. white. platinum blonde. golden blonde. dirty blonde. ombre. light brown. mouse brown. chestnut brown. golden brown. chocolate brown. dark brown. jet black. ginger. strawberry blonde. auburn. dyed red. dyed any “ unnatural color ”. streaked. thin eyebrows. average eyebrows. thick eyebrows.

TATTOOS  &  PIERCINGS   /   full sleeve. thigh tattoo. shin tattoo. wrist tattoo. lower back tattoo. hand / finger tattoo. foot tattoo. neck tattoo. face tattoo. chest tattoo. one tattoo. a few here and there. multiple. no tattoo. monroe piercing. nose piercing. septum. nipple piercing(s). genital piercing(s). industrial piercings. earlobe piercing. prince albert piercing. eyebrow piercing(s). tongue piercing. lip piercing(s). tragus piercing. angel bites. labret. stretches out ears. navel piercing. inverse navel piercing. cheek piercing(s). smiley. nape piercing(s). no piercings.

COSMETICS   /   light eyeliner. heavy eyeliner. cat eyes. mascara. fake eyelashes. matte lipstick. regular lipstick. lip gloss.  lip balm. red lips. pink lips. dark lips. bronzer. highlighter. eye shadow. neutral eye shadow. smoky eyes. colorful eye shadow. blush. lip liner. light contouring. heavy contouring. powder. matte foundation. shiny foundation. concealer. wears make up regularly. wears makeup from time to time. rarely wears make-up. never wears makeup.

SCENT   /   floral. fruity. perfumes. aftershave. cocoa. moisturizer. natural soap. shampoo. cigarettes. leather. sweat. food. incense. marijuana. cologne. whiskey. wine. fried food. blood. fire. metal. rain. grass. ocean. autumn leaves. baked bread. freshly baked cookies. smoke. campfire. lavender. trees. pumpkin pie. musk. rose. gingerbread. peppermint. oak. honey. lemon. vanilla. coffee cake. mint. rawhide. chemicals.

CLOTHES   /   jeans. tight pants. over knee socks. tights. leggings. yoga pants. pencil skirt. tight skirt. loose skirt. tight / formfitting dress. cardigans. blouse. button up shirt. band t-shirt. sports t-shirt. sweatpants. tank top. cut off t-shirt. designer. high street. online stores. thrift. lingerie. long skirt. miniskirt. maxi dress. sundress. tie. tuxedo. cocktail dress. high slit dress /skirt. t-shirt. loose clothing. tight clothing. jean shorts. sweater. sweater vest. khaki pants. suit. hoodie. harem pants. basketball shorts. boxers. briefs. boxer-briefs. thong. hot pants. hipster panties. bra. sports bra. crop top. corset. ballerina skirt. leotard. polka dot. stripes. glitter. silk. lace. leather. velvet. chemise. patterns. florals. neon colors. pastels. plaid. black. dark colors. fur. faux fur.

SHOES   /   sneakers. slip-ons. flats. slippers. sandals. high heels. kitten heels. ankle boots. combat boots. boots. cowboy boots. knee-high. platforms. stripper heels. bare feet. loafers.

[dyingthing]

writer aesthetics

tagged by :  i literally don’t remember but it was in my drafts so i’m sure i got tagged at some point. tagging :  i don’t know who tagged me so i don’t know who’s done it but if you’re reading this assume i tagged you.

JOHN  KEATS.

the lavender in sunsets, flowers in the rain, sunlight slipping through clouds, lazy summer afternoons, the heavy scent of musk, flickering candlelight reflecting off the gold titles of books, fireflies on a cool summer night, being wrapped in fresh bedsheets, the ache of wanting what you can never have, dripping sunlight like gold, loving someone so exquisite, soft lips and soft whispers, fingers through hair, names of lovers carved in trees, broken glass, the insistence of being perpetually dreamy.

F.  SCOTT  FITZGERALD.

mahogany wood, crisp winter skies with cold bright stars, the solitude of an early autumn morning wrapped in fog, empty bottles on stacks and stacks of books haphazardly placed in a messy room, pale bruised arms reaching out into the darkness, cigarette smoke just barely hiding the scent of alcohol, a wall of books all poetry and old and weathered, a bad thunderstorm occurring at the end of a beautiful day, the way tragedy strikes in your heart but ends up stopping your breathing for a moment, your favorite sweater, parties spilling into four a.m. with the stars above spinning and dancing, the contrast of blood against snow, a purple split lip oozing blood, black eyes fading to blue to pale skin, the butterflies of falling in love for the first time, the statues falling apart over time in cemeteries, the romanticization of self-destruction

FRANZ  KAFKA.

the weight of dread that sits heavily in your stomach when thinking about the future, decrepit houses cloaked in mystery from children telling stories of people who died there, the way not even light can escape a black hole, the rich smell of old books, delicate veins in the wrist, ghosts filling lungs, shattered bones, raindrops on the tongue, rusting metal, nostalgia that aches, the way hope feels like a plastic bag over your head

H. P.   LOVECRAFT.

the anxiety felt when staring into an unknown cave, pouring rain and mud, a child’s fear of the dark, thinking so many questions about your existence as you stare at the vast expanse of never ending ocean, the silence of three a.m., danse macabre by camille saint-saens playing on a record in an empty house, the possibility of aliens and the weird feeling it gives you that you can’t explain, unexplainable phenomena, strange lights in the sky in the dead of night, ouija boards and urban legends

JACK  KEROUAC.

the brisk pine air of being on a mountain, travels without a destination, those nights where you’re missing three hours of memory, screaming to a lifeless desert about how you’re so alive, coffee shops late at night, car rides at night spent speeding and laughing in the dark, naps spent in the sun, novels highlighted and underlined with notes and epiphanies in the margins, the way uncertainty sits on the shoulders, ignoring flaws and loving life, wind through hair, depression as fog in the brain, impossible ideals, a quiet sunrise, walks alone, when you think about trying to discover all the secrets to the universe, dazzling people, open lands stretching out into infinity, falling in love with being alive

EDGAR  ALLAN  POE.

the ocean’s horizon inseparable from fog, hollow bones, a preserved heart held in hands, twinkling stars above an old graveyard, the way everything turns to dust, silent black birds with eyes full of wisdom, self-inflicted flames, perfection depicted as a rotting corpse, death as bricks in the heart, lips barely brushing against each other, glassy glazed eyes, biting into a lemon, heart-shaped bruises, rotting flowers on a grave, dried blood and spilled liquor, the hush of dusk when it begins raining, the intimacy of a secret

[dyingthing]

TAG DROP

⋅   memes   ╱   run the risk of being intimate with brokenness .  ❜ ⋅   open   ╱   i’m not looking to be found ; i just want to feel unlost .  ❜ ⋅   call   ╱   initiate the heart within me .  ❜ ⋅   wishlist   ╱   add our question marks to periods .  ❜ ⋅   ooc   ╱   the human equivalent of a trainwreck .  ❜ ⋅   psa   ╱   if you or a loved one has been diagnosed with mesothelioma . . .  ❜ ⋅   saved   ╱   protected from the horrors of the world .  ❜ ⋅   queue   ╱   thank queue for your time .  ❜ ⋅   promo   ╱   there's something so magic about you .  ❜ ⋅   self promo   ╱   sit on back and watch me crash .  ❜

⋅   character study   ╱   for the world is hollow and i have touched the sky .  ❜ ⋅   playlist   ╱   lost between the silence and the sound .  ❜ ⋅   likes   ╱   daring to sleep beside the dying fire .  ❜ ⋅   desires   ╱   i keep a close watch on this heart of mine .  ❜ ⋅   body   ╱   let the scaffolding be strong enough to hold this tired body up .  ❜ ⋅   skills   ╱   try to breathe until it turns to muscle memory .  ❜ ⋅   aesthetic   ╱   broken halos ;  folded wings that used to fly .  ❜ ⋅   self   ╱   angel boy ;  narrow and straight laced and fallen astray .  ❜

⋅   v ;  arc i .   ╱   what happened to the soul you used to be ?  ❜ ⋅   v ;  arc ii .   ╱   back before i lost myself somewhere .  ❜ ⋅   v ;  arc iii .   ╱   you don’t want to know my darkest lows .  ❜ ⋅   v ;  arc iv .   ╱   falling feels like flying until you hit the ground .  ❜

⋅   v ;  statesman   ╱   when the whiskey is the only thing you have left to hold .  ❜ ⋅   v ;  lantern   ╱   in fearful day and in raging night .  ❜