#⌇he’s the angel of small death ( 𝙈𝙖𝙙𝙨 / 𝙉𝙚𝙯𝙪𝙢𝙞 )

[distopea]

starter for @nezumivc103221

If he ever had a bad opinion regarding gypsies and circus folks - mostly due to his lack of knowledge regarding their mores - Mads had been quick to notice that they were more hard working than any man of his village. Leaving Mika’s trailer in the early morning had become a routine, quite easy to follow, and somewhat reassuring. It was simple to have a sort of schedule; to push aside human emotions, only to focus on hard work. Mads was devoted and silent. He had never been talented at expressing his feelings, most of the words coming from his soul as broken as he was inside. 

Working, at least, was an easy way out. He would push aside his guilt, his secrets, and the burden of having a sick brother when they should have been on the road by themselves. He wouldn’t need to think about how to repay his debts with those strange and colorful people, him, who was nothing but a large shadow with no talent whatsoever. Carrying wood, chopping it, lifting boxes, adjusting the scene for the next shows, giving food to the horses, eating by the firecamp at night… All of his muscles were solicited, and in the end, Mads was slowly becoming a pale version of himself, a ghost in the middle of everyone, but free from his own demons and thoughts. 

What a coping mechanism for an ex-soldier who couldn’t voice his own hell. There were already too many songs within his head after all.

As he was splashing rain water over his face, cleaning the remains of dust, soot and mud over his features, Mads noticed Nezumi from afar. He had watched him perform at night, more than once, secretly admiring his capacity to shift into a different skin and pretend to be someone else. Sometimes he wished he had the capacity to do the same, but alas, he was endlessly walking in his own skin, cursed to the bones by his own misery. Nezumi was a burning light and he was barely just a trail of smoke in the atmosphere.

The camp was truly busy this afternoon, Mads feeling the change in the air like an animal relying on his instincts. Something was different, but he couldn’t grasp the reason. 

“Nezumi,” he called, while he rolled up his sleeves and whipped his face with his palm, walking to meet the performer. His voice sounded raspy; he hadn’t talked to anyone since he had left Mika in the morning. Once he faced him, he remained silent for a while, as he wondered what a man smelling like horse shit could say to someone ethereal like him.

Each time he was eyeing Nezumi he had the sensation they were coming from different worlds, and not only because of the circus or their radically different habits.

“What’s the matter with everyone today?” He eventually asked, and made sure to pick what seemed to be an empty bucket on the ground, ready to get some fresh water from the wheel. “Everyone seems so… unusually busy.”

[distopea]

Nezumi woke up to a strip of yellow light cutting through the bedroom. He remembered leaving the door open a crack in hopes that the glimpse of the bed with Nezumi sleeping in the sheets would be enough to lure Mads in, making him abandon his heaps of work and preparation. But as he drowsily blinked at the stark golden line that illuminated the carpet, crawled up the side of the bed and then split the sheets, he realised his failure.

In the other room, Mads was still shifting papers, making notes, studying blueprints and reading articles. Nezumi could see a thin outline of Mads' back hunched over the table, and the gap between the rooms that had meant to bring Mads to bed worked oppositely. Nezumi pushed the sheets aside and padded to the kitchen.

"You look tragic," Nezumi murmured when Mads turned after the whisper of steps moving across the room. His voice was hoarse from sleep and laden with judgement. Flashing Mads a pout, he rubbed his eyes and went to the bathroom. A cupboard clicked, and Nezumi emerged again with a jar of golden oil and rosemary branches.

He pulled up a chair next to Mads and moved some papers aside. "Open this for me," he asked and handed Mads the jar. "It's olive oil and rosemary; my Gran used to massage my face when I needed to study. Rosemary is good for brain function; people used it since ancient Greece," he explained and dipped two fingers in. Some of the oil dripped on Nezumi's bare thigh before he brought the fingers to Mads' face and tapped his forehead, beginning to smear the oil evenly.

"Close your eyes and hold still," Nezumi instructed, and his thumbs pressed to the inner parts of Mads' eyebrows. He drew circles just above the bridge of Mads' nose, then dragged over the curve of his brows, repeating the process several times in patient and meticulous lines that built up one above the other until Nezumi's thumbs reached the line of Mads' hair.

The scent of rosemary and olive oil filled the room, and when Nezumi moved to massage under Mads' closed eyes, he spoke softly and with grave concern: "This obsession with your father is ruining you. It terrifies me what he does to you—he terrifies me, and I've barely met him. But you," he sighed painfully, "Heavens, Mads. What does he have on you that you have to one-up him in everything you do? He's bad in every way—he's—he's nothing like you. You've already outgrown him, but you remain tethered. Why?"

Glistening with oil, Nezumi's hands cupped each side of Mads' face. He studied the lines on Mads' face and waited for Mads to open his eyes and answer.

@nezumivc103221

He knew that he shouldn’t surrender to his usual bad habits, but he couldn’t help himself when it came to preparing a coup against his father. He was more than zealous, dedicated to the task, to the point that he couldn’t even see his own exhaustion nor the fact that someone was waiting for him in the bedroom. Yet, that was exactly what he had sworn to never do in the end. Catching those glimpses of his own genitor was quite harsh, even more so when he heard the voice of Nezumi, raspy and tired, echoing behind his back, certainly because he felt lonely. 

Mads stiffened on his chair and massaged his shoulder for a second, as he discovered he had been sagging over the table for so long. His fingers were covered in taints of black ink, and his hand felt sore, slightly shaking due to the heavy writing. He sighed and didn’t fight back, watching Nezumi coming back from the bathroom with a small vial of something liquid and quite smelly. “Alright, alright.” He eventually admitted his defeat, while before he could complain that he wasn’t done yet, the papers on the table were pushed somewhere else. “I thought you might be sleeping with the dead right now.” 

He frowned, the perfume of Rosemary was definitely strong. He would have preferred perhaps a good cup of coffee, but Nezumi seemed worried and he didn’t wish to upset him any further. “I have never thought that Rosemary could be good for the brain. Your gran surely had a lot of secrets. No wonder you look so young and I will fade with wrinkles everywhere.” He tried to joke and prove that everything was fine, closing his eyes when Nezumi demanded it. He was certain that he needed more than Rosemary to eventually grasp what was wrong with him, and definitely, the voice of his lover pointed out a few things he had promised to keep away. 

From this act of softness, Mads experienced again the discomfort of his own flaws. He didn’t like to talk much about the reasons why he was so obsessed with his father, but he also was aware it couldn’t be something he could keep away from Nezumi forever. He was sharing more than one secret regarding one another, but the depth of that pit in front of him was terrifying. Nezumi stopped talking, and Mads patiently waited. He only opened his eyes when there was nothing but the silence of the room surrounding them. That kind of look on his face… He had hoped to never see it at all. There was no more room for an act of self-preservation anymore. Mads knew he faced the inevitable need to speak out his true feelings. 

“I know…” But I am like him. He eventually answered before he let loose a defeated sigh, almost painful. He gripped Nezumi’s wrist and somehow invited him to sit back on his chair, his other hand finding the lid of the jar of Rosemary oil to close it. “But I can’t stop. Because he has never stopped on his side…” Mads could sense those boxes of emotions he had secured deep in the back of his head getting opened one by one. Forbidden thoughts and agonizing feelings that were hard to express. “I have a feeling that, if I don’t chase after him like a raging bull, I will forever break my vow to the only person who has never failed to come between him and us.” He intertwined his fingers with Nezumi’s, barely able to look at him. “He killed my mom, Nezumi...” 

The heaviness of those words felt like a dozen rocks on his heart as he discovered how much he was still carrying that guilt. “If I stop… Then he wins. Because he had never cared about protecting her. I have to protect her legacy.” Even if it meant losing him to that. He stopped talking, afraid that he had opened the Pandora's box of his life for good. He had always vowed to cherish his mother and break his father’s toxic system and life goal, but he knew he was each day tainting his soul with his own resentment. And he feared the questions Nezumi might ask, or the advice he might give. He feared them because he knew he wouldn’t listen to them. 

Out of the blue, in need of protection, Mads eventually circled Nezumi’s face and brought him closer, until his lover had no choice but to come onto his lap. Urgently, and perhaps to stop this ticking bomb from ringing in his head, he kissed Nezumi passionately. Soon enough, the palm of his hand was trailing those half dry droplets of oil spread onto his bare skin, massaging his thigh with a burning and urgent lust.

“No…” Mads begged between two kisses, preventing Nezumi from questioning him again, before he eventually secured him onto the table, and spread his legs to nest in between. He rubbed his crotch against Nezumi’s, his fingers skillfully opening the buttons of his shirt, finding their way to pinch and play with his sensitive nipples. A pitiful maneuver to avoid the elephant in the room. But truly, he believed that even Nezumi wouldn't want to see it. 

“No please, Nezumi… No more questions. Not now... Please...” He whispered, his eyes expressing nothing but the endless despair he was experiencing, searching for the only source of comfort he could ever think about right now. 

[distopea]

Nezumi wasn't sure how it happened, but at some point during the precinct Thanksgiving party, word got around about Eve's singing prowess. And yes, perhaps Eve did mention off-handedly that she was a singer back in her day, but now she wanted to focus fully on being a wife. It had been a lie that Nezumi had made up on the fly to fill the silence between questions on Eve's past that were flying left and right from all the wives that attended the party.

And so it happened that the band paused and announced Eve's debut. One last song before her married life kicks off—or something like that—her engagement to Mads was a hot topic that night, mainly because Nezumi thought it would be fun to wear the ring as an accessory. ( And because Mads' expression when his colleagues patted him on the shoulder was too funny to pass. )

Ah. What the hell—What was the worst thing that could happen, right? Nezumi inwardly shrugged and hopped on the stage with the help of two cheerful musicians.

Eve spoke to them briefly, explaining the song she wanted to do. They laughed, then nodded and eagerly took their places.

🎶🎵🎶 My name is Lolita And I'm not supposed to play with boys Moi? Mon cœur est à papa You know, le proprietaire 🎶🎵🎶 No! 🎶🎵🎶 While tearing off a game of golf I may make a play for the caddy But when I do, I don't follow through 'Cause my heart belongs to Daddy 🎶🎵🎶 If I invite a boy some night To dine on my fine food and haddie I just adore, his asking for more But, my heart belongs to Daddy

Eve's eyes found Mads in the crowd. He stood among his cop friends who were slapping him appraisingly on the back, congratulating his choice of a woman. Oh—if only they knew. Nezumi smiled. He smiled through the lyrics in a way that Mads would know it was him. His hand—Eve's hand—elegantly slid down the length of the microphone stand, her red lips nearly touched the microphone head. She wasn't just singing, she was performing with the same sensual charge as Marilyn herself.

So I want to warn you, laddie Though I know that you're perfectly swell That my heart belongs to my Daddy 'Cause Daddy, my Daddy My little ol' Daddy, he treats it so 🎶🎵🎶 That little old man, he just treats it so good~~~

Applause tore through the hall, and Eve jumped off the stage, laughing and thanking the musicians. She made her way towards Mads, the same cheeky gleam in her eyes—the kind that belonged to Nezumi only.

"Did you like the song?" Eve purred and slid her arms around Mads' waist, pulling herself against him.

@nezumivc103221

“I’ll be back in a minute.” He whispered to Nezumi, tapping his empty drink to signal that he was in fact heading to the bar. Not that he had the worst drinking habits, but he wasn’t feeling at his best right now, like usually in any of those parties where they were both invited. He had never liked talking about his life in general, but he couldn’t avoid the amount of endless questions regarding Eve. He had lured a wonderful and beautiful fiancée in his life after all, and the crowd was blood thirsty for nuptial details and other gossip they could spread from one mouth to another the moment they had seen Eve's ring around her finger. 

At least, Mads could live with the happiness of his most cherished secret, well kept under layers of clothes, tucked between two long and elegant legs that were catching many eyes on their way. Eve was only a fantasy for those frustrated men, beautiful, cheerful, perfect, feminine… But far from ever guessing that Eve wasn’t anything real at all in the end. He thanked the bartender when he retrieved his third whiskey, the warmth of the beverage definitely helping with this intense moment. He couldn’t fly away from his own party, the police station quite buzzing around him because he was finally settling down. 

He felt a strong pat on his shoulder and turned around, his expression turning from surprise to profound horror when Nezumi was so easily lifted to the stage, the musicians placing themselves around him. Mads swallowed thick, the lights of the stage catching the gleam of that diamond on his finger; a little accessory that had become the center of everyone’s attention tonight. Mads stood there, half panicking while the music began, and he witnessed for the first time the smooth voice of his lover echoing with the instruments surrounding him. From horror, his emotions drifted to something different… Something more profound and endless. 

Eve was not real, and while he was teasing his audience with his angelic voice on that rather sulphurous song, Mads saw something else. From the lust emanating from his dance and motions, he saw the brush of an invisible painter morphing Nezumi into a perfect dream, displayed on a white canvas, only for artistic irises to understand his beauty.

His expert eyes observed the curves of the light upon his pristine skin, every gesture bringing a new harmony, a new set of colors that were nothing but hypnotizing, and soon enough, Nezumi wasn’t a cheeky singer trying to lure his future husband but a painting. A piece of art who had never been seen before. Mads couldn’t listen to the comments of his colleagues, nor did he really feel himself applauding with the rest of the crowd when the performance was done. 

Nezumi was eager to come back to him, his smirk showing how much he was pleased with his little show. Mads didn’t feel embarrassed anymore, instead, he rolled his fingers around his thin waist and placed a soft kiss at the corner of his eyes. That gesture earned a few whistles from his colleagues, but Mads didn’t care.

“I liked it. It was like experiencing the Song of the Angels by Bouguereau.” He confessed, so Nezumi was the only one to hear, finally regaining his composure, while again, he was harassed by the presence of those endless stares spying on them. 

[distopea]

Circus Nezumi x Mads 46. —because they’re running out of time.

@nezumivc103221

Kiss meme 💋

It was rare for Mads to have his guard down when it was about his resting time. He was usually among the first to wake up in the circus, and the last one to sleep, whenever they weren’t partying. Sleeping was something still difficult for him, even if it had become slightly better over the months. He would still experience atrocious nightmares and crises, but sharing his bed with Nezumi was nothing but soothing in the end. He felt at ease by his side, their limbs often tangled while the nights in England were pretty fresh. It was comfortable enough for Mads to forget to wake up when he was supposed to take the train to the next city for an important delivery, his mind and body resting for the first time in a long time. 

He blinked when he heard the rooster singing its morning song. For a moment, he hummed and sighed, casually rolling his arm around Nezumi’s naked body all pressed against his side. Both of them were entirely naked; the night of celebration had turned into something far more sensual for the two of them, and they had fallen asleep sweaty and exhausted, but definitely satisfied, just like they loved it. He massaged his eyelids as he appreciated the soft sensation of their shared intimacy, his ocean eyes for a moment observing Nezumi’s sleepy features. 

The rooster sang again. Mads’ eyes widened. 

“Oh shit!” He gasped loudly, his sudden burst of energy and panic pulling Nezumi out of his sleep. Because of his scream, he received the smack of his pillow right into his face while Mads apologized and climbed over Nezumi’s body. He moved and wriggled to get rid of the blankets, Nezumi huffing loudly, now totally awake. “Crap, crap, crap!” Mads stood back up and almost stumbled on the clothes scattered on the carpet, trying his best to find his pants and shirt in the middle of this mess. He rushed to put on his trousers, a loud bang on their trailer echoing against the wood. 

“Mads?! Are you still there?” Mika's voice echoed through the door, while Mads aggressively clipped his braces, a grunt of impatience leaving his throat before he eventually abandoned the idea of putting them on. “Yeah, I’m coming!” He answered back when Mika knocked on the door again. He could perfectly hear his brother laughing.

“Oh god, brother, have you been up all night and forgot we have a job today?” Mads rolled his eyes, embarrassed. “No comment…” He mumbled and eventually turned around. Still sleepy, but visibly amused by all of this, Nezumi was smiling at him. 

“Sorry… Very sorry for waking you up like this.” Mads squatted down in front of his lover and tenderly pressed his lips against his. One, two, three times. Nezumi was the one who had to push him away. “See you tonight.” He said and pressed one last kiss on his skull, before he eventually rushed outside, ready to fight his brother for his pervy comments. 

[distopea]

❝  i don’t like the way they keep staring at you.   ❞ //50s Nezumi being a jealous baby

@nezumivc103221

JEALOUS, FIERCLY PROTECTIVE & TERRITORIAL PROMPTS

Mads was standing in the line, under the rain, while Nezumi was safely waiting with his umbrella, a bit further away. In front of the theatre, there was a man selling books about the play they were about to start, along with biscuits from a famous pastry store that Nezumi had mentioned once or twice. But it had been a long time ago, when Mads still believed that Nezumi was a woman, and that his fate would be settled forever in a world of misery. Today, quite on the contrary, he was more than happy to spoil his lover; because in the end, he felt floating, as if he could finally experience the joys of a normal life. 

When he crossed the street again, he eventually noticed that Nezumi seemed to pout a little bit. Was it because it was a bit cold outside, and his best efforts to parade as a woman could be damaged by the rain? Mads frowned while he trotted back to him, just to catch the handle of the umbrella before he tried to arrange his wet hair. “What’s wrong? Was I too long? Sorry there was a line, but I don’t believe we’re late for the beginning of the play.” He gently tapped Nezumi’s nose, before he eventually faced his eyes, still upset; something was indeed wrong. 

“I don’t like the way they keep staring at you,” the young man said, while Mads felt clueless about who he was referring to. He looked around, unsure, until he noticed a group of bachelorettes standing on the opposite side of the street, giggling loudly the moment Mads eyed in their direction. Probably some young girls fishing for their future husband, quite desperate enough to do it, even if a man was clearly standing next to another woman. “Oh, this.” 

Alas, Mads was sometimes the object of their attention, even if he had never shown interest in women before. Mads smiled, wrapped his fingers around Nezumi’s gloved hand and brought it to his mouth to kiss the top. “No need to be mad. You’re aware of my preferences. You know you’re the only woman I could ever desire.” He kissed Nezumi’s hand one more time, before he offered his arm and turned his back to the potentially frustrated audience. “Now, forget about those vultures. We have a play to enjoy, and I have wet myself like a dog for those almond biscuits you wanted to try so badly.” 

Yet, Mads couldn't help but smile a little. For once, he was touched by a sudden burst of jealousy he definitely enjoyed more than he should.

[distopea]

It was more fun to dress as a woman when more people were in on the secret. Nezumi could cast secret glances toward Mads; he would smirk at him as a loving girlfriend would, and none was the wiser.

Mads had originally wanted to say no to the garden party invitation, and it was Nezumi who argued that rejecting such an offer would be rude. The proposition came from the chief of the precinct himself, with the idea that—now that Mads was officially dating someone—he ought to introduce the lady to his co-workers. Mads was reluctant for obvious reasons, but Nezumi was excited to play dress-up and pretend, and—having applied enough puppy eyes—Mads gave in.

And so they stood there, each in a different part of the beautiful garden. Mads stood in the circle of men who attended the grill, chatting. And Nezumi ( Eve ) was mingling with the ladies, sipping a cocktail and occasionally helping the lady of the house with mini sandwiches or salads. It was a beautiful event during which both Nezumi and Mads were asked a million and one questions.

How did you meet? When are you planning to marry? How many kids will you have? It was almost as if they were wedded already. Nezumi just giggled and hung on Mads' arm, letting Mads stew.

They were granted a moment of privacy, with a lot of winks and suggestive smiles. Perhaps the chief's wife expected they would be smooching in the more secluded part of the vast garden, but all Nezumi really did was grin at Mads, mischief in his eyes as he teased him: "So what now?" Eve batted her lashes and snuggled up to Mads' side, "Should I start calling you Daddy to complete the picture? Or will a darling do?"

@nezumivc103221

Eyes were peaking in the direction of Nezumi - Eve. This whole first public meeting with people from his work felt nothing but another form of torture. He was sweating despite the lack of a jacket, his attention sporadic despite the conversation going. Of course, he knew that bringing Nezumi - Eve - to the party would definitely feed various gossip, but he was suffering from being the center of the attention. 

When would he finally propose? What was their plan? Where would they live? How many children were already planned? Was she a good cook? Was she a good cleaner? Did she have good money habits? Was she gentle and sweet? Was she able to smile, was she always so elegant?

He felt dizzy with the everlasting flow of questions and he wondered, with all his heart, how Nezumi was capable of keeping up as well. From a distance, Mads had the sensation that he was definitely thriving, in his element, chatting and smiling perfectly, like any woman could do, but even better than them. Eve was unreal; a fantasy, a chimera… A form of perfection that was hiding something even more perfect for Mads. It was definitely forcing Mads’ admiration, as despite his capacity to lie as well, he was looking more like a fish craving oxygen and flapping its flippers to survive outside the water. Fortunately, at some point, he had the freedom to get some space. 

“Don’t start.” He huffed while he grabbed a napkin on the table and pressed it onto his forehead. Of course, Nezumi would be teasing him; he was worth all the mockery in the world. “How can they have so many questions about people the first time they meet them. It never stops!” He whined and pressed his back against the wall, instinctively patting his chest to find his cigarette. Eve looked impeccable and fresh, it was like he had been running a marathon. 

“Please, remind me to never doubt your capacity for hiding yourself in the light so smoothly, because you’re definitely better than me for that.” He lengthily sighed, ocean eyes falling back on Nezumi’s made-up face. “I swear to god, they even ask what was the brand of your stockings.” But with that ridiculous situation, he couldn’t help but laugh and gently caught Nezumi’s fingers.

“Call me darling in front of them, they’re hitting from your palm anyway.” He paused, felt somehow relieved that he had a partner in crime in this mess. “But privately…” He loomed over his features, and gently kissed the top of her nose, as he definitely heard some awing and muffled satisfied laughters from the garden. “I have all the intentions for you to forget how to pester me, Mr. Hosoya.” 

[distopea]

50s Mads x Nezumi 3. –hello

@nezumivc103221

Kiss meme 💋

Night shifts were an usual thing for policemen. Los Angeles downtown was quite busy, and a lot of crimes were done; even among the police itself. Mads preferred to avoid those nights of duty, but he couldn’t escape those shifts forever, even if it meant he wouldn’t be able to work by his side, and most important activity. Plus, well, it required Nezumi to stay alone at his apartment. Not that he thought that he couldn’t handle it at all, but he had voiced for more than once that he didn’t like to be alone in the end. 

When he put the key inside the front door, Mads tried to perceive the sounds coming from the inside of the apartment. It was still very early in the morning, but he had a feeling that Nezumi could be awake for multiple reasons. He entered his home quietly, removing the black hat covering his hair, along with his long coat. He felt exhausted to the core, his body only begging for him to find his bed and sleep until the evening, but his feet did otherwise. 

From the living room, he heard the familiar buzzing sound of the radio, but the volume was almost nonexistent. At this hour of the day, the station wouldn’t be airing anything, only interference escaped the machine. Mads understood that Nezumi was probably there, half asleep or already deep in his dreams, with a book pressed on his lap. Quietly, he moved to the living room and found who he had been looking for, but as he thought, despite his exhaustion, he could see the color of his eyes. Mads smiled softly, untied his tie, then sat on the couch and grabbed Nezumi’s shoulder to invite him to his side. It wasn’t a hard task, it felt like manipulating a rag doll at that point. 

“Morning.” Mads greeted him while he clipped Nezumi’s hair behind his ear and tenderly pressed a kiss on his skull. He was welcomed by grumbles and side looks, a comment regarding the fact that he couldn’t sleep at all and that he was hungry, before Mads retrieved the book Nezumi had been reading. “Scottish Art History. With that kind of reading, you should have been dead asleep for a long time.” He joked, then made himself more comfortable, kicked his shoes off and eventually laid onto his back.

“There were robberies all night long. Those summer nights are full of criminals in the making, I swear. I didn’t find the strength to stop grabbing breakfast.  I don’t know how long I have been running.” He commented, before he eventually caught Nezumi’s arm and dragged him onto his chest. “I’ll sleep here. You too. Breakfast can wait a few hours, mmh?” He yawned, chuckled a little bit because Nezumi tried to pinch and fight him, before he couldn’t witness what was happening anymore.

They had probably fallen asleep together like this, with the buzzing sound of the radio and the book on the floor. 

[distopea]

to 50s Mads: ❛ how can you be this cheery already? we haven’t even had breakfast. ❜

@nezumivc103221

from a meme I don't recall at all 🖤

He had just given a gentle tap on Nezumi’s shoulder, with the hand of a mug full of coffee, while the sun was barely out. He had been awakened for a generous amount of time, perhaps hiding his bad sleeping habits under a new form of excitement. Well, at least Mads had the excuse of his cheerful attitude regarding plans he had prepared without informing Nezumi. He knew that he felt quite trapped in this apartment, and he had the sensation that the two of them needed some fresh air. 

“I’m only luring you out of bed with coffee.” He smiled, watching with delight the way Nezumi was fighting with all his heart to ever open his eyes, grumpy as usual whenever he didn’t have his beauty sleep. “I promise that I’m not waking you up only for a cup of coffee, even if… Well, you’re depriving yourself from spending time in my humble company.” Oh, was he slightly joking now? Surely it had intrigued the young strongly enough, because Mads could see the pale color of his gray eyes peeking under the pillow and blanket.

Mads put the cup of coffee onto the night table, before his hand moved to the inner pocket of his jacket. He grabbed two tickets he had bought from a travel agency a few days ago, when he had pretended that he had been kept at work for a late meeting. The travel agent had been bragging about his low discounts regarding a lovely hotel near the ocean, and not too far from the exposition Mads had been eyeing for a while. 

“How have you ever felt about Seattle?” He eventually asked, and observed Nezumi with a smile. He clipped his fingers under his chin, his other hand fondling the long hair of his lover. “I might have booked a room for us, along with tickets for the next Gauguin exposition from the Seattle Art Museum.” He placed the tickets right next to the coffee cup and stood back up.

“Also, you might consider picking something from the closet. Didn’t you tell me, one day, that a man should properly treat his fiancée so everyone would believe in their love story?” He moved back to Nezumi and squatted in front of the bed. “Well surely, my darling, I can't wait for you to make the police chief's wife very jealous of our little getaway out of town during our next brunch with them.” 

[distopea]

A blissful morning on Mads' day off, the rain pitter-pattered against the bedroom window, light as hummingbirds wings. Nezumi lounged in the bed, awake at an ungodly hour for no good reason. He was watching Mads fast asleep until he couldn't stand it anymore and snuggled closer.

"Wakey, wakey~" Nezumi purred and transformed a strand of his hair into a brush. He painted tickling, invisible lines all over Mads' cheeks and nose, teasing him awake until he saw slits of Mads' sleepy eyes staring at him.

Nezumi booped Mads' nose and brought forth the art book Mads had gifted him. He slapped it on Mads' chest. "I've finished reading. Now I have questions."

@nezumivc103221

Truly, he hadn’t felt how exhausted he was before he had gone to bed the other night. He had barely had time to keep an eye open, before his tiredness had taken the best of him, pushing Mads into almost a coma, with no thought of waking up before the next day. They had no plans for tomorrow; no parties, no brunches, no social and other exhausting events that were costing a lot to Mads��� sanity. Just the plain promise of a swallowed morning into the depths of an endless resting sleep… But that was without counting Nezumi and his flourishing energy. 

“Mmh…” Mads growled on his side of the bed, the tickling sensation over his face truly unwelcomed right now. He felt his eyelids still heavy, and the need to continue his journey into the wonderlands even stronger. He didn’t know what time it was, but for his personal alarm clock, definitely too early. “Jesus…” He huffed again, as he felt Nezumi actively trying to get his attention. It wasn’t very much appreciated right now, but he couldn’t find a proper defense to prevent those soft attacks. 

He had no choice but to crack an eye open, the blurry features of a rather enthusiastic Nezumi appearing in front of him. Surely, a part of him was finding him adorably cute, with his excited gray eyes staring at him and ready to debate, but another one cruelly needed to rest a bit more. He hummed again and rolled an arm around his body, pushing the book aside. He didn’t have the strength for all those questions. Not when he could sneak out a few more minutes - hours - of a well-deserved and mostly needed rest. 

“Not now please…” Were the only words spoken, as he tried to clap Nezumi back onto the mattress and close to him. “Later… Okay? All the questions you want…” He mumbled again, before he was quick to fall asleep again. 

[distopea]

@nezumivc103221

[distopea]

Heels clapping, Eve strolled to the precinct. Her high-waisted pencil skirt hugged the length of her legs and ended tantalisingly just beneath her knees. Tucked into it was a red blouse with white pearls adorning Eve's long neck. Heads turned as she paraded down the aisle between desks; a confused receptionist stared in awe after her swaying hips before he shook himself out of it and faced the family giving a teary report about a stolen puppy.

Eve made sure to have everyone's attention as she slammed her purse on Mads' desk, shaking the half-empty cup of coffee and ruffling some of his paperwork.

"I'm being woefully neglected," Eve stated with all the drama and flair of a woman on the verge of hysteria. She gestured angrily at the documents covering Mads' workspace, and the gold engagement ring glimmered prettily in the buzzing light of the office.

"We haven't married yet, and you already love your work more than me. What is a girl supposed to do at home all by herself? I cook for you. I clean your home. I iron your shirts, and when I'm done, I stare at the walls and wait for my beloved to come back to me," she cried, her bottom lip trembling with emotion.

Eve leaned closer and cradled Mads' cheek in a gentle, satin-gloved palm. She watched him with the adoration of a future wife as her hip edged towards Mads' desk. Eve took a seat sideways, urging Mads with her woe-filled gaze.

" . . . take the afternoon off, I'm begging you. The sun is out, and I cannot walk the park all on my lonesome. It kills me when I don't have your arm around me." Eve batted her lashes at Mads and then turned her puppy eyes at the chief of police, who had come to defuse the situation with a stern expression that melted as soon as he saw the crocodile tears in Eve's eyes.

"Sir, you have a wife. So you've been in love. I'm sure you understand~"

@nezumivc103221

He was still typing his new report on his machine when he heard a rather familiar clapping coming from heels in the corridor. At this instant, Mads understood that he was fucked. Spending numerous weeks with Nezumi had the magical effect of turning the police officer into a radar, as he had grown used to the young man’s walk, and all the hidden messages carried by its pace and its intensity. If Nezumi had decided to walk all the way to the precinct, then there was potentially a big danger. He felt his heart sinking right into his chest when eventually, a feminine handbag was slapped right onto his desk. 

“N… Eve! Shit!” With his violent purse aggression, Nezumi had managed to knock down the remains of a cold and forgotten cup of coffee, spreading its brown liquid all over Mads’ freshly typed documents. He couldn’t help but flash a glance of anger towards him, a few whispers already blooming behind his back. Truly, Nezumi was the perfect actor when it came to displaying a housewife's despair. He had no choice but to get along with it; he was pissed off because of his ruined work, but at the same time, he had to recognize that it was a perfect cover for their little game here. 

“Eve, please, calm down.” He eventually said with a softer tone, as he didn’t know if Nezumi was truly acting right now. There was a certain seizing sincerity in the tone of his voice, and Mads felt utterly sensitive to the tears appearing at the corners of his beautiful gray eyes. Despite the banter in his colleagues’ mouths, Mads felt the urge and necessity to protect Nezumi from his sorrow. He skirted his desk and gently patted his shoulder. It was hard for him to act, because he could see Nezumi through Eve, and he wasn’t sure that his emotions could be hidden in such a moment of surprise; he was caught off guard. And his own decency would push him from displaying too much affection. 

“There’s no need to act this way. I have been busy with work, but I’ve never wished to neglect you.” He came closer, perhaps to whisper instead of talking, many ears now listening to their conversation. Mads looked around and grabbed the first tissue box he found on his desk, shoving a few inside Nezumi’s hands, while he gently pressed his own on the top of his fingers. It was enough to crave physical contact, as Eve - his wife, his husband - gently caressed his cheek. 

For Mads, there was no game there. He couldn’t act at all, unable to hide his emotions, nor the devotion crumbling through his gestures. 

Before he could answer, Nezumi was already breaking contact to fly to the police chief, the man quite disturbed by the sudden aim. A part of Mads was amused, relieved that he wasn’t the target of Nezumi’s anymore. He inhaled lengthily, one of his colleagues finally stepping closer to pat his shoulders. “Ah, women… This one seems pretty smitten, you cold stone. You truly worked your magic, lucky bastard! Though, you should take her out for a walk before she starts getting crazy. They all end up crazy anyway, so buy yourself some peace. A new purse will calm her nerves.” He mimicked a gesture with his hand to illustrate some lunatic attitudes, before Mads offered a polite smile. He hated the way men perceived women in this world, but surely, he didn’t wish Nezumi to ever go mad because of him.

“Eve, darling.” He called Nezumi, as he eventually decided to free his chief from his everlasting assault. He rolled his fingers around his waist and pulled him closer, giving him a glance of approval before talking again. “Chief, I’m sorry, my fiancée needs my assistance this afternoon. I’ll take the rest of the day off.” He said before he dragged Nezumi out of the room, so this whole comedy would stop. Mads sighed while they walked out of the precinct, yet, his fingers had never left Nezumi’s waist.

[distopea]

After two days of lethargic sulking, genuine sadness and turning down all of Mads' attempts to make Nezumi's mood better, Nezumi slid against Mads' side. He pressed himself into the angle of Mads' neck, and his shoulders shook with sobs of unknown origin. He sat there, crying quietly for a minute or two, then rested his puffed, tear-streaked cheek on Mads' shoulder and, in a hoarse voice, finally explained: "Gran's birthday is tomorrow. She liked to celebrate with champagne and strawberries . . ."

Nezumi looked up, sniffling. "Will you take me to the cemetery? I want to light a candle in her memory."

@nezumivc103221

There was something wrong… But he couldn’t grasp what. He had tried his usual ways to lower the tension, or to simply put a smile on Nezumi’s face, but nothing was working. It was something deeper, a secret he had never shared, and while he was withdrawn within himself, Mads felt powerless. His company was the only remaining asset, so quietly, he stayed by his side, reading his papers like usual, until perhaps Nezumi could break the shell and eventually tell him what was going on. 

With a quiet voice, barely more than a whisper, Mads finally understood the reason for Nezumi's sadness. He knew that the man was deeply attached to his grandmother, that she had been the one protecting him for so long. He casually pressed his shoulder against his, as he wondered if his presence could be enough to anchor him. He was the same around his mother’s birthday, sinking into nostalgic emotions, as he wondered if she would be proud of what he had become. 

“I understand what you’re going through…” Mads answered and placed the newspapers back onto the coffee table, before he wrapped his arm around his shoulder and pushed him closer. He could offer the shelter of his arm to comfort him, but as he thought that Nezumi couldn’t find a proper way to mourn, he eventually required something new. Mads quietly nodded, as he believed it was indeed a good idea. 

“I will go with you.” He said confidently, before he observed his lover and tenderly brushed his cheek. “I’ll go to the grocery store, we’ll buy champagne and strawberries, and we’ll pay a visit to her. I’d love to have a drink with the woman who handled you for so many years before me. I want to pay my respect as well.” He tried to shift the mood to something less sad, certainly for Nezumi to relax.

He pressed his lips against his forehead, his large hand wrapped behind his nape. “I’m sure she’s proud of you.” After a pause, he slowly caressed the man's cheek. "Tell me more about her. How was she?"

[distopea]

Nezumi is coming in, pushing Mads’ newspapers aside and taking his rightful place on Mads’ lap. Head on Mads’ shoulder, he closes his eyes and naps. 💤

@nezumivc103221

There was a quiet and unhappy huff leaving his throat because he was focused on the lines of the papers, but only to see that Nezumi wasn’t in a bargaining mood either. Mads could tell right away that he was tired, or needy for attention, and when that time was coming, the policeman better deliver. He raised an eyebrow and observed the young man settling by his side, nuzzling against his ribs, as if he almost wanted to get inside. 

“Cold? Tired? Hungry?” Mads asked with a soft but teasing voice, before he eventually rolled his arm around Nezumi’s shoulder and trapped him closer against his chest. He was already dozing off before even answering, his head lolled on his shoulder, and soon enough, Mads perceived a quiet and discreet breathing escaping his mouth. “Ah… Really, what am I going to do with you?” 

Yet, that everlasting feeling of loneliness had been quite a stranger in the past few months thanks to Nezumi’s presence. Whether he was actively a pain in the ass, yelling, whining or resting, there was something about his aura that was utterly reassuring and comforting. Mads felt that he was at peace, shocked a little bit by this veil of happiness covering them both. 

With a floating smile blooming right onto his lip, he grabbed the papers again and began to read the news, careful in his motions so he wouldn’t disturb the sleepy head by his side. 

[distopea]

💌//for 50s Mads:

It was the middle of the night. The apartment building was quiet like a church—like a coffin. Nezumi stood by the window, staring out into the streets, unable to sleep. He held the pyjama close to his body and watched, through a crack between the curtains, how a stray cat ran across the empty road.

Not far, Mads turned in the bed, his palm searching for where he knew Nezumi should be.

Nezumi could see an outline of Mads' bedhead rise from the sheets when he realised that Nezumi wasn't beside him.

"I couldn't sleep," Nezumi whispered. He walked back to the bed and sat down. "—Do you think that . . . your father is capable of killing me?" And then, immediately. "Don't answer that. Don't—I just—I'm scared. And so I stand there and think . . . lots of things. Like—will I wake up tomorrow, or will someone come to murder me in my sleep?"

Nezumi scoffed weakly. "I know that, maybe, I deserve this. After all the lies and cons I've done. But I—," his voice cracked. "I never wanted people to get hurt?"

@nezumivc103221

It was quite a strange sensation for Mads, to somehow get used to the warmness of his mattress on the opposite side. Naturally, he had grown comfortable with that source of heat, each time clinging to it. Half asleep, as he was patting the area of the bed where Nezumi was usually resting, he found nothing but the coldness of the sheets. He cracked an eye open, alarmed by the missing presence, only to discover that Nezumi was standing by the window. Mads frowned, straightening himself back up onto his forearms. 

“I see.” He uttered with a husky voice, still sleepy, but quite awakened enough. He couldn’t say that he was openly worried, but a part of him knew that there were demons Nezumi was sometimes fighting in the middle of the night. He sat onto the mattress, covering his lower parts. He noticed that he was craving a cigarette right now, but he wouldn’t surrender. It was also a part of his role - the one he had choosen - to reassure Nezumi whenever he could, even if, on that topic, he wasn’t sure if it was probable. 

He sighed and pushed himself closer to Nezumi, his hand immediately cupping his cheek with a certain unmasked softness. “I know it’s scary, I have been there. I’m still there, if you want to know.” Whether he wanted it or not, despite the game he was playing with his father, he was a target in the end. By extension, Nezumi was also suffering from Elys’ wrath and his schemes. He tugged a strand of his dark hair behind his ear, another sigh abandoning his lips. 

“I would say that you’d be an idiot for not being afraid in this situation. But you’re not facing him alone, I’m here too.” And he was genuine, determined. Nezumi was more than just a pawn, more than the poor man that had been trapped and was crashing at his place. He wanted to protect him. “I might not have the words and clearly I know I’m not the best when it comes to helping people but… You have me.” He said, confessing somehow the way he was feeling about Nezumi. 

There was a lingering silence, then Mads eventually pulled him right against his chest. He locked his arms around his shoulders, embracing him with all his warmth. “You’re not a bad person, Nezumi. He’s a cunt. He manipulates people and then the second he doesn't need them, he ditches them like trash. He's the one who should be ashamed of his behaviors, not you. He's pulling the cards, he has always done that, just for people to play his sick games.” He whispered while he pressed his cheek against the top of his hair. “I’ll never allow him to get close to you.” 

[distopea]

🔮 // circus verse:

“Mads? Why do you like winter so much?”

Bundled up together, Nezumi’s voice was muffled by the blanket. He snuggled deeper into the warmth, feeling Mads behind him shift. Skin brushed against skin, naked and sticky from sweat, but Nezumi would take it ten times over, as long as he didn’t have to face the cold of the trailer.

Mads’ breath ghosted over Nezumi’s ear, inciting a shiver. His arm tightened around Nezumi’s waist. Like an eagle about to land, Nezumi felt the mood shift and sensed the arrival of Mads’ words.

“Wait. Don’t answer,” Nezumi groaned and grimaced at his own imagination —what he believed to be a prediction. He shuffled around, turning to face Mads. Their bodies, like a mass of flesh, shifted under the warmth of the blanket. Nezumi hissed when a waft of cold air slipped underneath, molesting his butt for a second. He quickly tucked himself back in and stared at Mads.

Nezumi pressed a finger against Mads’ lips and said: “I want to know the real reason. Don’t feed me any sentimental bullshit about being able to lie here with me or hold me or such. I don’t want to hear it, understood?”

Pushing his finger firmer, Nezumi flashed Mads a warning and slightly playful glare. He freed his mouth and smirked.

“Now, you may speak.”

@nezumivc103221

He listened to the question, somehow already building the answer in his mind. He had actually a fair one to give, but before he could talk, there was a finger planted right upon his mouth. Mads held up his breath for a second, intense blue eyes observing Nezumi before he eventually rolled his eyes. Sentimental wasn’t something usually qualifying the way Mads was behaving, and there was no way he could actually dwell on such a thing regarding the weather. Even f he liked having him close, he wasn’t feeling romantic right now.

“The warning was not necessary. It’s nothing like that.” Mads said while he removed Nezumi’s wrist off his face and frowned. He was not really pleased with the way the other was acting, but still, he kept him close to his body. It was utterly cold outside, and he didn’t wish to experience the harsh bite of the wind, even more when he was still shivering after what they had done just before. He hummed, wished that he had a cigarette right now, a hand strongly clipped around the singer’s shoulder.

“I have never liked summer in Scotland because of the strong wind and the bugs. Our crops were invaded during those times, and we had to spend hours under the sun just to get rid of these things.” He started, keeping things factual, but somehow there was no other reason for him to muse about those specific preferences. “During winters, the forests were the safest in the end. No more bears to hunt us whenever we were coming too close from their territories, the predators were slower because of the snow, and they wouldn’t go too far, unless they were starving. Our sheep were inside the stale, and I could spend more time in the house too.”

He couldn’t say if those memories were happy ones or not; he tried only to focus on the blissful features of Mika playing with wooden horses, and his mother, somewhere near the fireplace, knitting new clothes while their father wasn’t in the picture. He was terrified to notice that he couldn’t remember her face anymore; it was vague, just forms moving with flashes of skin colors and bright blue eyes. He tightened his grip around Nezumi’s shoulders, because deep down, it was also reassuring him.

“My father…” Mads felt his throat becoming dry. It was always hard to think about that man, he was still reluctant to ever reveal his name. Mads sighed again, waved his fingers to brush off the subject. “Let’s just say that, during winters, he was also never home.”

[distopea]

Ⓐ circus Mads

@nezumivc103221

send me ⓐ and my muse will rate yours

Attractiveness:

repulsive || hideous || ugly || not attractive || unappealing || not unattractive || meh || no preference || ok || mildly attractive || nice looking || cute || adorable || attractive || pleasant on the eyes || good looking || hot || sexy || beautiful || gorgeous || hot damn || would tap that || perfect || godlike || holy fuck there are no words

Personality:

grating || irritating || frustrating || boring || confusing at best || awkward || unreasonable || psychotic || disturbing || interesting || engaging || affectionate || aggressive || ambitious || anxious || artistic || bad tempered || bossy || charismatic || appealing || unappealing || creative || courageous || dependable || unreliable || unpredictable || predictable || devious || dim || extroverted || introverted ||  egotistical || gregarious || fabulous || impulsive || intelligent || sympathetic || talkative || up beat || peaceful || calming || badass || flexible

How likely they would have sex with them:

not if they were the last person on earth and the world was ending || fuck no! || never || no way || not likely || not sure || indifferent || I’m asexual || maybe || probably || it depends || fairly likely || likely || yeah sure || yes || would tap that || hell yes || fuck yes! || wishing that could happen right now || as many times as possible || we are already having sex

Level of Friendship:

never in a million years || worst of enemies || enemies || rivals || indifferent || neutral || acquaintance || friendly toward each other || casual friends || friends || good friends || best friends || fuck buddies || bosom buddies || practically the same person || would die for them || true friends || my only friend ||

First impression of them:

I hate them so much || I don’t like them || I don’t trust them || they annoy me || they’re weird || I’m indifferent || meh || they seem alright || they’re growing on me || truce || I think I like them || I like them || I’m not sure if I trust them || I trust them || they’re cool || they’re genuine || I think we’re going to get along || I really like them || I think I’m in love || oh fuck they’re hot || I love them

Current impression of them:

I hate them so much || I don’t like them || I don’t trust them || they annoy me || they’re weird || I’m indifferent || meh || they seem alright || they’re growing on me || truce || I think I like them || I like them || I’m not sure if I trust them || I trust them || they’re cool || they’re genuine || I think we’re going to get along || I really like them || I think I’m in love || oh fuck they’re hot || I love them

How good of a kisser:

worst kisser ever || terrible || bad || awkward || just okay || alright || pretty good || good || makes me moan || excellent || exciting || oh god they’re good || I dream about it || fucking amazing || absolute perfection || we haven’t kissed