#⊰ — VERUCA | conversations; i don't want to be your girl i want to be your gun blow the jaw right off that handsome face a .44 magnum

[illicitvffairs]

𝙵𝙸𝙻𝙴𝙳 𝚄𝙽𝙳𝙴𝚁 // 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜

𝐅𝐓. 𝐋𝐔𝐂𝐀𝐒 & 𝐎𝐋𝐘𝐌𝐏𝐈𝐀

      ‘     𝐈 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐘 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐊 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐖𝐄 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃 𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐀 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐍.       ’     veruca sighed, eyeing the supposedly no longer abandoned orphanage warily. reports of activity had been swarming around the property for weeks, suspiciously just as a nearby restaurant had its grand-reopening. whether it was ghosts or not, it’d made the small town’s business plummet. no one seemed to want to visit a town with a violent ghost. usually, stories like this led veruca to believe that their desireability would sky-rocket. now was the age of the ghost hunter. people loved supernatural and paranormal and true crime cases. so, why was everyone seemingly being chased out by this one ‘spirit’? if she were like her sister, she might have believed in ghosts, but to the blonde, this just sounded too far-fetched to be true.      ‘    and no, romeo, i don’t think the plan should just be to sit here and hide. i think we should call the police, really, but if we’re going inside, we need to be prepared.     ’

      𝐇𝐔𝐅𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐒𝐍𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐌𝐎𝐔𝐓𝐇 𝐒𝐇𝐔𝐓, romeo glared childishly at the young blonde. this was his baby. the business, not the girl. the van, his dog, his best friend olympia, the search to prove that ghosts were real; that was his life’s passion. he didn’t know why he needed some smart mouth know-it-all barely legal college student and her friend bossing him around in something that he’d been doing for over a decade now. it paid the bills well enough, though that also was helped by his parents if he was being completely honest.       ‘     i think i’m perfectly fine sitting here waiting for you guys. what if you need a get away car?      ’     as much as he loved the idea of ghost-chasing, the reality of it always left him terrified. he was constantly dousing himself in holy water, carrying crosses, saying prayers, keeping salt on hand in case he needed a quick circle. his fear rivalled his interest and he was typically the first one to go running out of whatever haunted building they were investigating. // @rxdfeeling​

[ariparri]

Flowers

Pairing: Diego x Veruca (With a hint of Tulip x Carson)

Written by cursedautumn on Instagram

A/N: This was written from a story for art type of trade we made on IG. English isn’t cursedautumn's first language, so she apologizes if there are any mistakes.

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Day 1

It was the fall of 1988. This fall, in contrast to several previous ones, was full of sweet aroma of rotting leaves and the hot honey sun covering playgrounds, classrooms, and the forest near Hogwarts; fresh gold autumn leaf carpet lay on the stone slabs of the courtyard and soft field grass; saturated with moisture, the trees are seriously bent and the crystal was glittering with rain drops, remaining after another warm rain. The sky was clear and blue, with a milky foam of clouds, and it was tempting to run out of the heavy walls of the castle and lie under it, roll on the grass, feel the sweet water drops on your tongue, and run to the lake, which shone like pure crystal, and a couple of students even swam there once — although they had to report to Professor McGonagall and serve detention for quite a long time afterwards.

Veruca McQuaid went into the courtyard and sat by the fountain, near the place where everyone usually play Gobstones. After sitting in the semi-darkness of the Slytherin common room for almost twenty-four hours, she just needed a little bit of fresh air. She had expected to skip lunch and spend the rest of the day here alone with her homework and a bottle of cold pumpkin fizz, but her plans for privacy were not going to come true, because ten minutes after Veruca settled down next to the fountain, a voice came from above her head, "Hello, Veruca."

"Oh, Merlin!" thought Veruca with exasperation, and looking up, she recognized the intruder as Diego Caplan, a fellow Hufflepuff, a well-known ladies' man and a very good duelist. He always had a contented swarthy face, a strange yellow scarf, and beautiful dark eyes. He was holding a small bouquet of red roses and smiling. "Caplan? Veruca asked indifferently. "Well, hello."

"I hope I'm not interrupting you," Diego said with a charming smile. Veruca was tempted to say that he was interrupting, but she just smiled tightly and shook her head. To be honest, she was never hypocritical and enjoyed interacting with people, but right now Caplan chose a very inappropriate moment to talk to her... or whatever he wanted to do. "Did you want something?"

"Yes." Diego peremptorily handed her the aforementioned bouquet of roses and flashed his snow-white teeth. His smile was attractive and confident. "This is for you. I thought that such a beauty just needs a bouquet of flowers."

Veruca accepted the bouquet, but she wasn't sure why Diego had done it in the first place. She had never been insecure, but didn't consider herself strikingly beautiful either: a pretty face framed by dark hair, light green eyes, neat pink lips, and a well-formed figure - that's all, so Diego probably didn't want to grab her attention because of her incredible beauty, even though he said so.

She was also Coby McQuaid's sister, and a lot of guys shunned her just because they were afraid that the "crazy brother" would appear out of nowhere and wring their necks for his little sister. In general, she sceptically smiled at the bouquet, and said:

"Thank you. Now leave me alone, please, I'm a little busy."

Diego left after blowing her a final kiss, and Veruca gave the bouquet to Penny the same day — she simply couldn't believe that Caplan could really be interested in her. Most likely, he wanted new sensations, that's all. But if he thinks he's found a goal for one day, he's very, very wrong, Veruca thought with a grin as she watched Penny lovingly arrange a bouquet of roses in front of the statue of the headless knight.

Day 2

It rained that day, and the flying lesson with madam Hooch was canceled. Veruca, who had not slept well last night, was not too upset: she had no desire to cut through the thick, glass-like walls of rain on a broomstick. She spent the entire first half of the day running between classes, listening to Snape's unflattering comments about her personality, her brother, and so on, sitting in madam Rakepick's perfume-and-wood-scented classroom, and spending time with Penny and Chiara. Penny once said, "By the way, you shouldn't have refused the roses, they were so beautiful!"

"Yeah," Veruca grinned and looked at the Ravenclaw girls as they passed. One of them, a girl with dark eyes and fluffy brown hair, mentioned Diego Caplan in the conversation, and several of her friends immediately began to whisper and giggle with curiosity. It seemed that only Veruca disliked him, for even Merula spoke quite favorably of him, and if Merula approved of a person, then it was a waste of time — everyone adored him without exception, and there was nothing to be done about it.

On this day, Veruca couldn't shake the eerie yet strangely pleasant feeling that someone was watching her. Someone's already familiar dark eyes, clear and sly. It seemed to her that someone was staring at her back in class, studying her face at lunch, spying on her during recess... This, however, did not inspire her with any fear, firstly, because Veruca had managed to get used to being watched during her five years at Hogwarts, and secondly, it was a kind of harmless surveillance - as if she was an interesting performance, and she was being watched by a curious spectator. And for some reason, it never occurred to her that it might be HIM...

"Ahem-ahem."

Veruca shivered and looked up from her potions homework. In the faint greenish light of the Slytherin drawing room Merula Snyde's pale face looked like a cloud of smoky mist with two purple lightning-like eyes. She was holding a small bouquet of purple orchids wrapped in shimmering translucent pale yellow paper.

It exuded a sweet fragrance that overlaid the smell of underground dampness and pine needles (there were scented candles in the living room), and it looked lovely. A cream-colored paper was perched between the purple blossoms.

"What is it?" Veruca was taken aback. She had seen a lot in her life, but... for Merula to give her flowers?.. However, fortunately, the rival muttered, "Somebody asked me to give this to you," she plopped the bouquet on the table, the soles of her gaudy leather boots clattering indignantly, then went into their shared bedroom and slammed the door.

Veruca had no idea, freaked out if a classmate saw because it was torn away from the important contemplation of their own greatness or because Merula handed the bouquet to her and no one thought to do that; but understand she did not and pulled out a fragrant bouquet of cream paper box, which was briefly written:

"It is not good to give the gifts away, Veruca. But I'll try again, since you didn't take me seriously. -D.C.".

It wasn't hard to guess that D.C. was Diego Caplan. Well, then, he really wanted to get her attention for a while. At first Veruca felt flattered by the attention, then offended, because she didn't like intrusive people, and then she just decided to let the boy indulge. After all, she couldn't possibly forbid Diego from sending her flowers, so Veruca just got up, went to the trash can, and threw the unfortunate bouquet in there. The sweet scent gave her a headache. Let Caplan send her his stupid flowers as much as he wants. Let him... It's just a little cruel joke, isn't it?

Day 3

Sunflowers. Bright yellow, like Hufflepuff robes, as if woven from sunlight, they caught Veruca's eye as soon as she opened them. At first she didn't understand why the dark green Slytherin dorm room seemed to have a window that let in a flood of thick sun, but then she looked up and saw the pretty heads of flowers perched on her nightstand. The sunflowers didn't fit in with the luxurious and dark atmosphere of the room, and as she passed by, Ismelda grumbled that she should have gotten them, and immediately would throw them away.

Veruca, oddly enough, felt more alive and somehow light when she saw these flowers. They were so simple, of the usual yellow color, not scarlet roses or purple orchids, but she liked them very much, until she found it in the pile of golden flowers the same small creamy square, on which was written the same handwriting as yesterday:

"Attempt number three. I hope you like it and don't throw them away or give them to someone else. -D. C.".

Veruca furiously crumpled the paper and threw it away. Caplan could be as nice and generous as he liked, but his impudence and desire to use her for his own incomprehensible purposes irritated her terribly, so she hastily changed her clothes and washed up, took the sunflowers and went straight out of the living room with them, catching the surprised and mocking looks of her classmates and others. 'I'll kill you, Caplan,' Veruca thought as she left the common room.

To be honest, she liked the flowers very much, but Diego Caplan was known as a fan of ending relationships as quickly as starting them, and she wanted something more serious than being the one-night stand of a cheeky Hufflepuff.

She found Diego right after breakfast, playing Gobstones with some other Hufflepuff whose name Veruca didn't know and didn't want to know. When Caplan saw her, he broke into a satisfied smile, as if not noticing the girl's grim expression, "Sorry, Reg, there's a lady here who wants to talk to me."

"Hmmm," Reg muttered, absorbed in the game. He glanced at Veruca, who was holding a golden bouquet of sunflowers, and continued to hunch over the game. Diego got to his feet, very pleased, and sauntered over to Veruca. For some reason, she was uncomfortable with the way his gaze slid over the top button of her shirt, and she muttered, "I see you're not going to leave me alone." Diego flashed his white teeth. "Actually, it's unpleasant when your gifts are thrown away or misused."

"You'll get over it," Veruca said. Anger mixed with guilt (?!), and she just watched Diego's dark hair flutter in the light autumn wind. He was beautiful. Very handsome, no matter what... "Caplan, I'm not interested in a one-night stand. And I'm not one of those people who will throw themselves at you. So keep your flowers and give them to someone else."

"Should I keep them or give them to you?" Diego grinned. Veruca gave an exasperated sigh. "Calm down, baby. Maybe I just want to go out with you. And spend more than just one night."

Veruca gasped with indignation. Who does he think he is? "First of all," she hissed, " I'm not a baby, I'm a McQuaid, or at least just Veruca. And secondly, you want to spend not only one night, but also one day? No, thanks. I'd rather be alone than lie under someone else and then get muddied, okay?"

Diego smiled. In a strange, affectionate way, there was something mysterious and hungry in his dark brown eyes, as if she was a piece of candy that he couldn't wait to unwrap.

"I see," he said softly. "See you later, Veruca."

In the evening, after she slapped Caplan, left him and complained about him to Chiara, before going to bed, Veruca remembered that she had never returned the sunflowers, and they were shining in the dark Slytherin bedroom. Well, that's fine. They are beautiful...

Day 4

On this day, the sky suddenly frowned, clouded with a silver haze; a cold wind blew, carrying with it a pile of dead leaves, no longer burning with gold. A bloodless pallor settled over Hogwarts like a semi-transparent mist, as if someone invisible had suddenly drained the last of autumn's juices and warmth, and Veruca, wrapped in her robes, came to Herbology class. Professor Sprout, warm and plump, was as friendly as ever and talked about how to turn the most common weeds into the most common tulips, Tulip immediately noticed that she liked it, and frowned at Carson — they had a fight a couple of days ago. Rowan walked calmly past Ben, who she'd almost gotten into a fight with the day before, and Veruca noted grimly that she wasn't the only one with boy problems.

"So, get ready!" professor Sprout clapped her hands. "Today's spell does not apply to magic plants, but it helps a lot if you want to give your friend or partner a bouquet of beautiful tulips!"

"Carson only needs one beautiful Tulip," Rowan said, and she and Veruca giggled. Tulip pursed her lips grimly, "Well, yes. That's why he said yesterday that he was sick of my eternal thirst for adventure." Veruca knew perfectly well that this was said in a much milder form than the one Tulip had given her, but it was useless to argue: Carson and Tulip will make up tomorrow or the day after, which means it doesn't make sense to take their conflict seriously.

So she decided to take up the lesson and diligently wrote down everything that Professor Sprout said, and by the end of the lesson she had mastered the spell perfectly. As they were about to leave, a familiar voice called out to Veruca. A voice that stretches like hot chocolate. For some reason, she was a little pleased to hear him, although at one time she was irritated.

"How are you?" Diego sauntered over to her and touched his hand to his silky dark hair. "Did you learn your lesson with the-tulip weeds?" Veruca smiled dryly, ignoring the surprised looks from Penny and Rowan. All they probably wanted to do was tell everyone about their little affair with Diego. "And you?"

"I'm glad you asked," Caplan smiled charmingly (if Veruca had been any other student, she would have been nothing but a pink puddle) and, waving his wand as if he was going to show everyone his beautiful hands with flexible fingers, pointed to the weeds — and the unsightly, flabby plants instantly transformed into a wonderful bouquet of yellow and pink tulips with elastic buds and a pleasant aroma. Fortunately, no one was paying attention to them except Rowan and Penny, who were standing behind her, but that was enough: Veruca could feel their eyes boring into her back. Diego took the tulips and handed them to her. "Here. A bunch of tulips will add to your dark dungeons, won't they?"

She stood looking at him for a few seconds, wanting to laugh. How stupid, persistent, and sweet he is, this Diego Caplan! What a fool! Is she supposed to be flattered by such intrusive attention? Veruca didn't like it when someone invaded her personal space, and when she looked into Diego's dark chocolate eyes, she smiled, took the bouquet and said sweetly, "Thank you." She turned and shouted: "Hey, Tulip!"

"What are you doing?" Diego's smile faded instantly. Tulip watched Carson leave, then slowly walked over to Veruca and asked sadly, "What is it?"

"It's from Carson," Veruca said, and passed the flowers to Tulip. She was stunned, looking at the fresh bouquet as if it were the eighth wonder of the world, and so was Diego, and Veruca, smiling triumphantly, took her bag and left the greenhouse, feeling that she had put Diego Caplan in his place. But for some reason, the sweet feeling of victory was mixed with something bitter, like... regret?

Day 5

Veruca didn't know what was happening to her. Honestly, she just didn't understand. Diego Caplan had stopped annoying her. When she woke up in the morning, she felt a gnawing sense of guilt for giving his flowers to Tulip, for ignoring his attentions so actively, which were actually not so bad — it was better than if he was spreading his hands or making obscene compliments.

Diego was cute. He gave her flowers. And she just took it and, without even trying to be polite, rejected it. So Veruca thought the next day as she tossed and turned in the pearly gray, rattling light of morning; the bedroom was dark and quiet, except for Liz, who was snoring peacefully in her bed; Veruca suffered from the urge to go and apologize to Diego. Sunflowers added the melancholy, spreading a bunch of pure gold to the gloom of the Slytherin bedroom — Caplan's gift. Diego Caplan.

So in the morning, slipping out of the soft embrace of the bed, Veruca dressed quickly and went to breakfast before anyone else, hoping to see Diego on the threshold of the Great hall and apologize. Yes, her pride will howl...

Fortunately, Diego showed up at his table, and as soon as he finished and went to the door, Veruca left the half-eaten sausages and ran after him. Diego walked with his usual slightly swaying gait, so unhurried and confident that Veruca began to feel less confident, but she ran up and touched him on the shoulder. He turned around. He looked perfectly normal, not at all sad, and Veruca wondered if Diego wasn't upset at all. It's kind of a shame. "Veruca McQuaid," he smiled a little. "Hello."

"Hi," she stammered. Diego chuckled. "Look, I want to apologize for giving your flowers to Tulip yesterday." she found herself painfully short of words. "But Carson and Tulip made up."

Diego laughed. He had a beautiful laugh, low and clear. "How kind you are," he said. "Well, I will forgive you on one condition: you'll accept the next bouquet of flowers from me."

Veruca looked at him blankly. Does he have metal nerves or what? "Um," she said. "If you accept, I'll forgive you," Diego said, running a hand through his silky chocolate hair. Veruca noticed that they were beautifully, cleanly shining. "Do you agree?"

Veruca sighed. It's not so bad to get flowers. But she was supposed to be apologizing to him, making up for her "sins" in some way, not getting a gift, right? But Diego seemed serious, and she decided that if this was a way to let him know that she, Veruca McQuaid, was apologizing to him, let it be so: awkward, but not humiliating. It would have been far worse if he had asked her to leave him alone, or simply ignored her...

"All right," she said. "Okay, I agree." she looked into Diego's dark, shiny, soft eyes, framed by black lashes. And, for some reason, her heart fluttered with joy.

That evening, a first-year student wearing large round glasses approached Veruca. The girl was sitting on the couch reading a book when a first-year, Elora Dunn, came up to her and told her that she had received a gift. The gift was a bouquet of Calla lilies — white and pale pink, neat, velvety and delicate to the touch. Veruca took the bouquet from Elora and just stared at it for a few seconds, not noticing that the first-year had gone to her dorm and it didn't really matter.

The bouquet of Calla lilies had a delicate and soft aroma, like some ice cream. Veruca lifted the bouquet to her face, and the fragile petals brushed her cheeks. I guess sometimes you need to be able to apologize. The thought made her smile, and when she went to bed, Veruca felt extremely happy, as if a star had been lit somewhere inside her that would never go out...

Day 6

Veruca expected this farce of flowers to end after she accepted a bouquet of Calla lilies from Diego. Now, perhaps, he is tired, and he will no longer approach her with another bouquet of flowers, beautiful, bright, sweet-smelling... It would seem that Veruca should have been relieved — at last he was behind, she should be happy!

But when Diego didn't speak to her the next day, didn't even look back or come up with a bunch of flowers, she felt abandoned and sad, even though, of course, Diego didn't owe her anything. After a few days of pampering, that's enough. But why did Veruca feel that she really wanted to talk to Diego, to hear his voice again, to look into his dark, hot chocolate eyes again...

"Stop it!"

Veruca snapped, brushing her hair in front of the mirror this morning. Today, she had let her thick brown hair down, and it fell in a dark wave over her shoulders and framed her pale pink face beautifully. A bouquet of calla lilies, delicate and pleasing to the eye, stood on her bedside table and gave off a delicate fragrance.

Merula, passing by, grumbled that "McQuaid has already got everyone going mad with her flowers," but Veruca ignored this, preoccupied with her own thoughts, and put an emerald pendant around her neck to set off her eyes. Perhaps Diego might have been interested in her because of her looks, even though she hoped he liked her for more than just her pretty face...

"Stop it now. It's probably over. He's tired of you, and you're tired of him. And it is over."

But now she didn't want it to end so much. It was Saturday, and Veruca had decided to stop by the Hospital wing to help madam Pomfrey — sometimes on weekends she tended to patients and helped the elderly matron with some medical matters. Madam Pomfrey was not in the wing today, so Veruca began sorting through the used bottles of medicinal potions, selecting those that needed to be washed and those that needed to be treated first with a special antiseptic — the potions in them had to be poured into an exceptionally clean container.

Working here was very boring and time-consuming, but Veruca felt that sorting out bottles, bandaging wounds, and so on would help her miraculously put her confused thoughts in order. There was something right and clear about it. Suddenly the doors opened and Veruca turned to greet madam Pomfrey, but when she saw who it was, she froze, startled.

Diego Caplan stood in the doorway of the Hospital wing with a bouquet of pink flowers with crimson cores and yellow petals — Alstroemeria. He was smiling, and it seemed to warm Veruca. She just stared at Diego for a few seconds, unable to say anything, and he stepped up to her, "I didn't specify how many bouquets you should accept in order for me to forgive you."

Veruca opened her mouth awkwardly, "Oh... I... thank you," was all she said. Diego gave her a deep, mesmerizing smile.She picked up the flowers and then felt her nose itch and sneezed. "Bless you."

"Thank you... ah!" Veruca sneezed again. Her nose itched, her throat seemed to narrow slightly, and it was harder to breathe. Diego looked at her blankly. Veruca wiped her nose and looked at Alstroemeria. Then she slapped her forehead and started laughing.

"What is it?" Diego looked startled. "Hey, Veruca? What happened?" he took her by the shoulder. Veruca sneezed again, already trying to hide her slight pleasance at the touch of someone else's warm fingers, and said, "I'm allergic to these flowers..."

Diego looked so dumbfounded that she was sneezing and laughing for a long time, and then stopped sneezing and continued to laugh until dinner. But there were still tulips and sunflowers in her room, and the alstroemeria had to be given to Chiara, who was happy to put them in her dorm, so there were enough flowers for everyone, there was no doubt about that...

Day 7

Veruca slept well that night. She dreamed of Diego, smiling, wearing a light gray frock coat and holding a bouquet of roses. They seemed to be dancing under a vast starry sky, and from somewhere an unfamiliar melody was flowing, light and pleasant; it ran like a stream between stones, harmonious, subtle; then Diego suddenly literally disappeared, the melody stopped, everything was plunged into darkness for a few seconds, and Veruca woke up.

There was a strange, happy peace in her soul, and at the same time an anticipation of something very, very good; outside the window, the morning haze turned the ground and horizon ruby and tangerine, and the dim bedroom was bathed in warm light. Her roommates were snoring peacefully in their beds, behind the drawn curtains, and Veruca was left to her own thoughts and beautiful dream...

Everything went fine in the morning: the weather was fine again, and Veruca liked her own reflection in the mirror very much today — her hair were shining, her eyes were shining, her face was fresh and rested; it was a warm Sunday outside the window, and she wasn't even annoyed by the ever-dissatisfied Merula and the untidy Ismelda. Veruca cleaned her room peacefully, had a breakfast of scrambled eggs, played a game of gobstones with Tulip and Carson, who made up and looked at each other with loving eyes again, and passed her Charms homework.

But the best part, what she had been subconsciously waiting for all this time, happened after lunch. She and Diego ran into each other near the forest. It was empty: the students were gathered closer to the castle. The first thing Veruca saw was a familiar blue denim jacket, and then a bunch of blood — red carnations and familiar soft dark brown eyes. At first, she couldn't believe her eyes: another bouquet?

Diego stopped when he saw her. Grinned. "This is the last one," he said, turning over a bunch of carnations wrapped in milky white shimmering paper. "I hope you're not allergic to carnations."

"No," Veruca said, and then automatically repeated to herself, "the last one." Just a few days ago, she wanted it so much, and now...

"Along with this bouquet," Diego announced softly, smiling, "I want to ask you out, Veruca McQuaid. What do you say?"

Veruca froze. Ask her out? On a date? Diego Caplan? Her?

"I will understand if you refuse," Diego was calm. "But accept the bouquet. This is the last one."

And he handed her the flowers. Veruca picked up the delicate scarlet flowers wrapped in paper and stared at them for a few seconds. They were so beautiful. Fragrant. And from him...

The sun shone even brighter. The foliage is flushed with pure gold. Hogwarts castle suddenly became not clumsy and heavy, but majestic and beautiful. Veruca looked at Diego, feeling her heart flutter sweetly, happily, and sing, and Diego seemed to her the most beautiful young man on earth, and a bouquet of carnations was the most beautiful gift, the most elegant and appropriate...

"Well, so what?" Diego held out his hand. "How about a walk in the woods, an evening at Hogsmeade, Madame Puddifoot's cafe, and the company of a handsome man like me, hmm?"

Veruca couldn't help but laugh. "I agree, handsome man," she said softly, and put her hand in his. They walked towards the forest, through the golden trees, looking at each other and assessing each other anew...

And that was just the beginning of their story.

And the reason for everything...

Were flowers.

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

The Quagmire-Baudelaire switch part 1: Don’t worry world don’t feel disgrace

Reference guide

Chapter 1: A very sad day

There is a long reference to the Catalan Kids show ”the triplets” but it’s explained there what it is and what it’s about

”Quiet you will wake up Tweedle dee and Tweedle dum” a reference to the characters of the same name from Alice in wonderland

Chapter 2: Why Mr. Poe should not take care of guardian choosing

”One bed.” Isadora sighed. ”Fantastic.” A reference to the deleted scene from the 2004 movie

Chapter 3: Olaf slaps a child (or technically a teenager)

”Quigley had got stuck on a story about three children that ran away from home, and they just found a homeless man that sold glue” A reference to the swedish movie, ”På rymmen med Pippi Långstrump”, or in english, ”On the run with Pippi Longstocking”

”Duncan had found an autobiography about some girl that claimed she was the most prettiest (...) girl in the world.” Reference to Carmelita’s autobiography

Chapter 4: A spoon of complaints and a cube of evilness

No particular references in this chapter

Chapter 5: Duncan is made for theatre

"Only something about a lady giving all of her money to her cats after she died, so the butler kidnapped them and then he got himself to Timbuktu." Obvious reference to Aristocats

Chapter 6: A long and confusing chapter including a play

No particular references in this chapter

Chapter 7: The Quagmires first (and last) day of school

”It was the roof of the house she and her sister lived in. And the girl wanted to see if she could fly, so she borrowed her dad’s umbrella and jumped of the roof to see if she would fly away!" A reference to Astrid Lindgren’s ”Madicken” which is the book Isadora was reading

”(...) You can't kill the one who the story is about!" Reference to all the... stories where the main character dies?

”(...) And you were already weird because you just invent things and have to put up your hair to think!" This is most likely a very famous character they have encountered

Chapter 8: Everyone is unharmed in the reptile room

”Holy shiitake mushrooms.” A reference to Carmen’s catchphrase in Spy Kids

Chapter 9: Why Stephano is something you shouldn’t name your child

No particular references in this chapter

Chapter 10: Stephano gets kicked out (or does he?)

No particular references in this chapter

Chapter 11: Stephano goes Carrey-style

"Probably some old man's fucking bones." A reference from a line in IT chapter 1 (2017)

"Did he just do a Carrey?" This refers to the title but also the fact that in the 2004 movie, Olaf, played by Jim Carrey, just dashes out of the house when he’s Stephano.

Chapter 12: Three four year olds vs a large lake

No particular references in this chapter

Chapter 13: No one listens to Quigley

"I remember a lot of things from my early childhood! Like the time we broke that spoiled girl's teddy (...)” A foreshadowing to a later chapter

Chapter 14: The Quagmires have various conversations

No particular references in this chapter

Chapter 15: Candy canes for the people

I don’t know if it counts, but Poe calls the Quagmires the wrong names multiple times. He calls them the ”Baudelaires” and the ”Calibans” for example.

Chapter 16: Isadora speaks like a finnish female pirate

"Shiitake mushrooms." Again, a reference to spy kids

Chapter 17: Everything happens so damn fast

No particular references in this chapter.

Chapter 18: Why Duncan hates treehouses (and trees in general)

"Don't call me Ish!" ”Why would he call you Ish?" A reference to a certain dictator who doesn’t force you to use that name

"Tattle-tale." Isadora whispered grumpily. Hard to know, but it’s actually a reference to Berlioz calling Marie a tattle tale from the Aristocats

Chapter 19: Phil is happy to be your co-worker

"I had a dream where I lived in ancient Greece and met some girl with black hair and a bowtie who wanted to tell me something." Ok. In ancient Greece lived Sappho. Sappho was a poet, just like Isadora. The girl with black hair and a bowtie is a main character in asoue.

”(...) what kind of irresponsible teacher would just forget three children they are responsible for?" A reference to all the fucking irresponsible teachers in the world

Chapter 20: Duncan gets dust in his eyes

"Duncan, I can assure you that nobody here will break their arm or leg for that matter due to any wood." Fooooreshaaadoowiiiing~

Chapter 21: Inordinate amounts of weird behaviour

No particular references in this chapter

Chapter 22: A fatal, optimistic accident

"Why, but you are so small!" (...) "Uh, yeah?" Duncan said, "We are children." A reference to a line from Charlie and the chocolate factory from 2005

Chapter 23: A real fatal accident at Lucky Smells

No particular references in this chapter

Chapter 24: The Quagmires kill a spoiled girl’s teddy bear

Carmelita’s mom is named Veruca, based on Veruca Salt

Chapter 25: New school, new chapter

No particular references in this chapter

Chapter 26: Where the shipping starts

No particular references in this chapter

Chapter 27: Very lovely indeed with a twist

No particular references in this chapter

Chapter 28: Olaf ruins everything

”What if we walk in on him stroking his violin?” I did this joke some chapters ago but this time someone else than Nero says it. It’s a dirty joke.

Chapter 29: Why many children was afraid of P.E after reading the austere academy

No particular references in this chapter

Chapter 30: An examination gone wrong

”This is a solidarity act” Violet is bisexual and Isadora is a lesbian. It’s a WLW solidarity

”Quigley, what color were the elephants I saw floating in the sky (...)” ”Pink” This is a reference to pink elephants on parade from Dumbo

”What comes after ’love love, peace peace’ in the second chorus of the song?” ”It’s ’and a burning fake piano” THIS GUYS is a reference to the song Love, Love, peace peace from Eurovision song contest 2016.

Chapter 31: Rich kids exploring a rich party

No particular references in this chapter

Chapter 32: A penthouse of familiarity and funny names

”I am Isadora Avi Quagmire.” A reference to the actress Avi Lake who played Isadora in Netflix

The hairdresser is named Bobbi, after Bobbi from Phineas and Ferb (who also was a hairdresser)

Chapter 33: Gunther ruins everything, yeah thanks for that Gunther

”I have seen stranger things.” ”We all have.” A reference to Stranger Things

”My name isn’t Quiglefort.” ”Yes, it is.” Foreshadowing to a thing in part 2 of this AU

Chapter 34: This abyss of world destroyed

The title is a reference to the Gothic archies ”This abyss”

”Don’t worry Baudelaires, don’t feel disgrace (...) The Quagmire triplets are on the case.” Reference to that poem from TAA, and also a reference to the title of QBS. Part 1s undertitle is ”Don’t worry world don’t feel disgrace” and part 2 is ”The Quagmire triplets are on the case”

Chapter 35: Runaway triplets

”Duncan? Did you just OD in there?” A reference to Steve and Robin’s famous bathroom scene from stranger things

Chapter 36: Too many rules for a village

”Rule 2001 says ’do not quite people from other universes’.” Quigley said shiitake mushrooms, which I have explained twice is from spy kids. Spy kids came out in 2001.

Chapter 37: Why children shouldn’t help someone out of jail

”(...) if the council of elders find out-” ”We’re dead!” A reference to a line from stranger things 3 episode 1

There’s a whole paragraph where Duncan said he has checked atleast ”seven million billion thousand times” and then the triplets remember how they used to dance around a coffin in their uncle Elwyn’s house. That was a reference to the musical Fun Home, particularly the song ”Come to the fun home” where the children make a commercial about their funeral home.

Chapter 38: An emotional escape

”Shit.” (...) ”Where?” A reference to when Violet said ”rats.” in TVV, and Klaus thought it was actual rats. But, in the swedish translation they translated ”rats” to ”shit”. I thought it was so funny I had to include it here

That was all for part 1! Thanks for supporting this fanfic of mine!

[illicitvffairs]

⊰ — VERUCA WILCOX | selective secondary muse

[illicitvffairs]

⊰ — 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 | 𝕫𝕠𝕝𝕒

      𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐔𝐂𝐀 𝐑𝐀𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐘 𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐃 𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐃𝐎𝐎𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒 late at night. her parents had always taught her to be cautious, double check everything, and never leave her back unattended. what she wanted for the night was to crawl into bed and feel comforted, sleep peacefully, but here she was standing before the one person that made her stomach churn. zola’s face was a constant reminder of pain, but veruca only had to take one look at the taller blonde to know that something wasn’t right. still, though, ever cautious and no the least bit trusting, she stepped a little further into the chilled night air and kept the knobbed handle of her front door firmly in her grasp. if this was a trick, she at least wanted to be able to slip inside and slam the door quickly.      ‘     what are you doing here, zola? you know you’re not welcome.      ’      saying why was repetitive and she hardly wanted to put THAT event out into the universe once more.      ‘     i don’t have much more for your family to take.       ’ — @feminince

[illicitvffairs]

⊰ — 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 | 𝕥𝕓𝕒

BASED ON

       𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐔𝐂𝐀 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐀𝐒 𝐒𝐔𝐑𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐄𝐃 to find that she was a social drunk. her shyness shed like an unwanted skin that didn’t fit her body quite right and she metamorphosed into a chatty, flitting butterfly. she didn’t drink often, but when she did, the night was far more enjoyable than her usual of staying home and babysitting for her sister or studying all night with grey’s anatomy playing in the background. her favourite place to go, o’malleys, had dangerously good 9$ fishbowls filled with a worrisome mix of arizona iced tea, lemonade, and hypnotiq. she could get drunk off of something that’d take her at least an hour to finish and she could make friends. tonight was a particularly good looking stranger that she hadn’t seen in the ‘locals only’ bar. she’d thought everything was going well until they asked a particularly puzzling questiong. giggling, leaning into them, veruca asked,     ‘    is that like, a joke or something? did we go to high school together?      ’      — @flcreguns​

[illicitvffairs]

⊰ — VERUCA WILCOX | selective muse