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nicolewrites · 5 years ago

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i apologize for my divinity (it is never enough) - iii

this ride don’t stop till i say it does. here’s part 3 and it’s even wordier than part ii so you’re welcome?

Rating: T+ Genre: Angst, Friendship, Family Characters: Byleth/My Unit, Claude R., Dimitri B., Sothis, the Golden Deer Words: 7,958

AO3 | FFN

pt. i | pt. ii

iii - white clouds, redux

- ~ -

/ great tree moon /

If Byleth swings her sword a little quicker now, Jeralt doesn't notice. Cutting through the bandits is achingly familiar, but she feels weak. Her muscles are looser and not as practiced and the skill of her students is lacking as well. Byleth finds herself fighting close to Dimitri's side out of habit, but it feels wrong somehow to see him as he used to be–whole and unbroken.

There's a terrible, dark moment when she sees the leader of the bandits lunge at Edelgard. She wonders, what if I don't save her? What happens then? Her feet are anchored into the ground as her mind deliberates.

The answer is not one she likes. Both Claude and Dimitri lunge forward to protect the Imperial Princess in her stead. Dimitri takes the axe across the back and his lance dips and plunges into Claude's stomach as the Alliance Heir shoves Edelgard away. Byleth doesn't wait for their bodies to hit the ground before she's whipping time backwards.

"As to be expected," Sothis says. "We'll have to change things later on."

Byleth drives her blade up and protects Edelgard. She escorts the students back to the monastery, alongside her father, Alois and the Knights of Seiros. The familiarity of everything hurts and Byleth can't help but feel that she's trudging an endlessly repeating path to a mass grave.

As Garreg Mach looms above before them, Byleth can feel the unease rolling off of her father. Alois seems excited, as always, but Byleth keeps her mouth pressed quietly into a firm line. She watches Dimitri and the other exchange barbs. There's a lightness about him here, in this moment, that she aches to feel, but now that she looks at him all she can see is the hunched shoulders and incredible pain of the Dimitri he may become five years from now.

Edelgard's posture is stiff, but it's not yet the posture of the emperor she may become. Her lips still quirk at something Claude says which tells Byleth that she has time. Now that she's looking closely, she easily picks out the sheath of Dimitri's dagger at her hip. If it mysteriously disappeared, would it fix anything?

Claude, on the other hand, is still just Claude. His green eyes are playful and allude to the cleverness that hides just beneath the surface. To her surprise, however, Claude keeps stealing glances at her. When he studies her when he thinks she's not watching, his brow furrows just a bit and Byleth sees the analytic part of her student as he tries to dissect her with his gaze alone.

Later, after Alois drags Jeralt off for a drink and Byleth is left standing in the entrance hall with the three house leaders, Dimitri and Edelgard excuse themselves to find the rest of their houses. Claude lingers.

"This is going to sound a bit crazy," he says slowly. "But, have we met before?"

Byleth feels surprise ripple across her face because of course they have met before, but there is no way that Claude has any memory of it because that timeline was destroyed the moment she broke that thread.

Sothis? she inquires cautiously.

"Hmm, how peculiar," the goddess muses in Byleth's head. "He certainly has no real memory of you, but perhaps this is something deeper at work."

"No," Byleth articulates finally. "I've always been with my father and I've never left Fódlan."

Claude shakes his head briefly and gives her one of his signature trouble-maker smiles. "Of course, how silly of me to assume otherwise."

He leaves then and Byleth watches him go, a warm curiosity blossoming in her chest. Maybe, she ponders.

"Indeed," Sothis agrees.

- ~ -

The second time, she succumbs to her wonderings about Claude, Alliance Heir.

- ~ -

/ harpstring moon /

The Golden Deer have a kind of unrestrained chaos that was absent through her time with the Blue Lions. Sothis finds it funny as she struggles to rein in Claude and Hilda and to connect to the quiet Ignatz and Marianne.

Leonie seems to have a grudge against Byleth that can only be attributed to both of their relationships with Jeralt. Lorenz seems to have a mild enough interest in her, but she remembers that it is simply due to her Crest-bearing nature, even if no one here knows she has the Crest of Flames yet. Raphael is bright and optimistic and seems interested in her strength on the battlefield and her appetite in the dining hall.

Ignatz is quieter, but she catches him studying her many times as she lectures. Byleth hides her smile and lets him doodle her portrait. He has a great talent. Marianne is back to the quiet, self-hating girl Byleth remembers from before the war and she does everything she can to try to boost the girl's spirits. Lysithea is all sharp edges and defensiveness. She continues to work herself to the bone and Byleth brings her sweet treats and soothing tea to absolve the girl of some of her stress. Its origin is unknown to her, but she refuses to let any student of hers crumble under the pressure.

Hilda is both infuriating and entertaining to watch. She's a beast on the battlefield, cutting down her foes precisely and powerfully. But, she plays herself off as a dainty flower, batting her eyelashes and showering her fellow students in compliments until they do her dirty work. Byleth just rolls her eyes and presses Hilda for answers in class until she inevitably gives up the act and gives the answer that she's looking for.

Claude seems to find everything Byleth does funny. He sits in the middle of the classroom, close enough that she knows he takes notes in his elegantly messy scrawl, but he watches her all through class and combat training and even over shared meals like he's trying to break her down slowly. He has a calm, casual smirk on at almost all times, but it never seems to soften the sharp judgement of his green eyes.

In the time she has been here, Claude has not given up on his theory that he has met Byleth before and she would be lying if she said she wasn't a little bit worried about that fact. Claude is disastrously clever and the last thing she needs is a distraction from the reason that she's here–to fix things. Sothis finds him funny and takes every occasion to tell Byleth so.

Byleth ignores her for the most part, but when Claude gives her a more genuine smile it warms her right to the core and she has to turn away to hide the growing smile on her own face.

- ~ -

/ garland moon /

Facing off against Lonato feels strange without Ashe. Byleth has made a habit of checking in on her Blue Lions students pretty regularly and trying to forge connections with them even as she leads the Deer. She finds him in the cathedral the night after Lonato's death against and this time she sits with him and holds out her hand.

Ashe takes it without a word and squeezes it so tightly that it stings. After a while, his grip loosens, but his head hangs and he doesn't let her go. He doesn't seem to understand Byleth's investment in the situation, but he says nothing to her. When he finally leaves in the early hours of the morning, Byleth lingers, staring up at the statue of Saint Seiros.

Is any of this pain worth it? she asks silently.

"Is any of it preventable?" Sothis inquires back.

Byleth frowns. I don't think so.

"Then we must keep going," the goddess says.

Byleth nods and turns to leave. Claude is standing in the entranceway of the cathedral, staring at her and she stumbles when she sees him.

"Good morning, Teach," he says casually.

Byleth folds her arms as she approaches her student. "What are you doing awake?"

Claude shrugs. "I was going to do some aerial patrols and I saw you and Ashe. What's your deal with the Blue Lions, anyway?"

Byleth presses her lips together. "They're good kids. You all are. I'm just trying to make sure that everyone gets their fair share of time with me. I do teach everyone even if I'm leading the Golden Deer."

Claude steps forward, tipping his head to the side like a cat. The sharpness of his eyes glitters in the dim light of the cathedral. "And these good kids must include Edelgard and Hubert, right? And that's why you refused to correct Edelgard's axe grip even if you spent almost an hour trying to get Hilda to admit she already knew it."

"This child is too observant for his own good," Sothis grumbles.

Byleth steels herself and tries to present the neutral expression that had been second nature to her when she had been the Ashen Demon. "Shouldn't you be glad I'm not increasing the skills of another House Leader as much as I am with someone in your own house?"

Claude recognizes her deflection and gives her a slightly cheeky smile. "I am going to figure you out, Teach, you can mark my words." He winks and turns to leave, the yellow of his cape fluttering with the movement.

Something deep inside Byleth aches for a familiar blue cloak and the quiet stolen moments she shared with Dimitri in another life. She frowns as she watches Claude leave. He whistles for a wyvern as he's partway across the bridge connecting the monastery proper to the cathedral. He flies away on the beast like it's second nature to him and Byleth shifts uncomfortably.

Sothis is right. Claude is entirely too clever and observant for his own good. She needs to try harder.

- ~ -

/ blue sea moon /

Byleth has tea with Ferdinand and Lorenz one afternoon and smiles at the bottom of her cup as the two nobles chat about frugal things. It's a conversation that she's sat through before, but it's nice to see a lighter, genuine side to both of the students.

"Have you ever thought about changing houses, Ferdinand?" she asks before she can stop herself.

Ferdinand's teacup pauses halfway to his mouth. He cocks an eyebrow at her. "To the Golden Deer?"

Byleth shrugs. "Or to the Blue Lions."

Ferdinand muses over it for a moment. "It's an interesting proposition, Professor, and if my loyalties didn't lie so heavily in the Empire, I might consider it more."

Lorenz chuckles. "Well, we did win the mock battle so I can't blame you for wanting to join the clearly superior house."

Byleth laughs lightly at Lorenz's words, but the depth of Ferdinand's words draw her the image of the young man so corrupted by loyalty he died for a ruler who had no particular care for him. She bites into her lip and hides her displeasure behind her teacup.

They're sharing tea in Byleth's quarters upon Lorenz's suggestion and as she looks past her two guests, she spots Dimitri strolling by. She stands up before she even realizes what she's doing. She pauses, looking down at her students and smiling.

"Excuse me for a moment, I just need to grab Dimitri for a moment."

She slips out of the room before either noble heir can protest and sees that luckily Dimitri hasn't gone too far.

"Dimitri!" she calls out.

The Blue Lions Leader turns and smiles upon seeing her. "Professor, what a pleasant surprise!"

She smiles back at him. "Would you like to join us for some tea? Lorenz and Ferdinand had just stopped by and I thought you might want to sit down with us."

Dimitri's smile dips a little and he glances to his right to the Training Hall. "Ah, I would, but I had promised to train with Ingrid and Sylvain."

Byleth steps back. "I won't keep you then."

Dimitri looks back towards the Training Hall and hesitates. "But, if you'd like to join us after you finish with tea, I'm sure we would all appreciate your guidance."

Byleth raises her eyebrow. "Lances and spears are definitely not my strength so I'm sure you're all more adept than I would be." She presses him curiously, interested to see how he responds.

"But you're a strong fighter so you could figure it out, or you could use a sword and just absolutely destroy us either way," Dimitri points out.

Byleth chuckles. "I suppose I could." She glances past Dimitri to see Claude exiting the Training Hall and she consciously steps back, suddenly hyper-aware of the space between her and Dimitri.

Claude beelines towards them and slings an arm around Dimitri's shoulders, smirking. "Hello Dimitri, Teach," he greets.

Dimitri tenses at Claude's touch, but relaxes once the Alliance heir starts speaking. "Hello Claude," Dimitri greets coolly.

Byleth notes that the tension isn't completely gone from the prince's shoulders. He's definitely not as comfortable with Claude as he feels around just Byleth. She presses her lips together and turns her attention to Claude.

"Would you like to join Lorenz, Ferdinand and myself for tea, Claude?" she invites politely.

Claude winks at her. "I'd be honoured. I'll see you around then Dimitri." Claude lets Dimitri go and brushes past them both towards Byleth's quarters.

Byleth hesitates for a moment before following after Claude. "I'll see you for training later then," she says as a way of goodbye to Dimitri.

He smiles and warmth curls in Byleth's chest. He's not lost to her yet.

- ~ -

Much later, the Sword of the Creator hums in her grip. It's warm to the touch and familiar, but the way that the Golden Deer eye her with awe and surprise is a bit off-putting. She cracks the sword against the stone and cuts down the Church rebels without much further thought. There's no time for her to consult the familiarity coursing through her veins.

She focuses on the fight, not stopping until her breathing is the only thing she can hear. Her chest is tight and she's tired, but she is alive and her Fawns are alive and they're stronger than they used to be. They have gotten used to following her commands and execute them almost flawlessly.

Pride wells in her chest as she examines the path her students have carved. There is loss there too, for the time she has tackled this same set-up with the Blue Lions, but she refocuses on the moment. Her Deer have become important to her too, just like she intended.

"Professor!" Hilda calls.

Byleth turns and sees Hilda striding toward her. Claude is limping along behind her, his eyes fixated on the sword clutched in her hand. Byleth slides it into a loop on her belt and descends the dais towards them.

"Who's hurt?" Byleth asks Hilda.

Hilda shakes her head. "No one seriously," she replies, still staring at Byleth. "What is that?"

"It's the Sword of the Creator," Claude answers. His brow is cocked curiously. Despite whatever reason he is limping for, he doesn't seem to care, focusing entirely on the unique relic Byleth holds. "Isn't it?"

Byleth nods slowly. "Yes, I think so."

Claude shakes his head. He is obviously still suspicious, but his relief at the end of the battle seems to dominate his current consciousness. "I think you're going to have to explain some things to Rhea, Teach."

"Explain to Rhea?" Sothis scoffs. "More like she has some things to tell us."

Byleth shrugs both for Claude and Hilda and the goddess in her head. "I'm hoping she'll be able to answer some of my questions, actually."

- ~ -

/ verdant rain moon /

The black beast that Miklan turns into is no less unnerving this time than it was last time. It roars and charges her students and Byleth doesn't have time to be distracted. It seems to have a personal grudge against Ignatz as it pursues her archer even as he retreats.

Byleth doesn't have time to get to his side before it's atop him–jaws tearing at his throat his chest–and then she's calling on her Divine Pulse and praying desperately she can prevent that future from coming to fruition. For a terrifying moment, Byleth hears the beast's cries echo across the stones mixed with the terror of her students, and then her gut lurches and time winds backwards.

She instructs Ignatz to stay back this time and the beast focuses on her instead. She faces it down, clutching the sword so tightly that her palm burns from its constant heat. She slashes at it, Lysithea blasts it with her dark magic, and Marianne's white magic keeps her on her feet long enough to take it down.

Ignatz approaches her after, holding out a Vulnerary. "Professor," he says, brow creased. "How did you know to keep Claude, Leonie, and I out of its line of sight? We would have been done if that thing had gotten in close range."

Byleth downs the healing drought and smiles warily at her student. "I have a feeling that that thing was still clever enough to see an advantage where it could take it."

Ignatz studies her face for a long moment and Byleth hopes he can't read the lie on her face. After a moment, he nods and turns away. Byleth exhales and rubs her shoulder. The vulnerary has helped some, but she's still aching.

Better me than them, she thinks determinedly.

"They're different from the others," Sothis notes quietly.

Byleth considers the statement, watching as they clear the ruins of the bodies of the thieves, helping each other and passing around healing items to those who need them. Lysithea and Marianne focus on magic while Raphael and Hilda do much of the heavy lifting. They know their strengths and play to them.

I think I love them too, Byleth admits.

Sothis laughs and it warms Byleth where her heart should be. "I know you do."

- ~ -

At the monastery, as soon as Manuela lets her out of the infirmary, Byleth looks for Ingrid and Felix. They're chatting quietly in the Knight's Hall and look surprised to see her.

"Professor!" Ingrid exclaims, straightening her spine as Byleth approaches. "Weren't you hurt?"

Byleth waves off the concern. "Nevermind that." Felix eyes her slightly suspiciously and Byleth takes a deep breath. "I can talk to Hanneman for you," she offers.

Ingrid looks surprised, but Felix keeps his face strategically neutral. "Why?" he asks bluntly.

Byleth smiles sadly. "Because I know Sylvain is hurting and I want to help."

Ingrid frowns. "You don't have to do that."

"You'll do it even if we tell you not to though," Felix discerns, studying her face.

Byleth nods. "I will. I wish I could have stopped it."

"Did he really turn into a beast?" Ingrid asks quietly.

"I wish I could tell you otherwise," Byleth says slowly.

Felix turns away, staring at a training dummy in the sandpit instead. "And now Rhea wants Sylvain to take that relic, doesn't she?"

"He's safe to use it," Byleth assures, but Felix turns his flint sharp gaze back to her quickly.

"And you're sure about that?"

No, Byleth thinks desperately. I don't know if having the relics brings more pain than it's worth, but I'd so much rather it be in his hands than the hands of the church.

"Yes," she says instead.

Felix looks frustrated, but Ingrid nods. "We'll talk to Sylvain," she says finally.

"I wish you didn't have to," Byleth adds before she turns to leave. I wish I could absolve you all of your pain and your burdens.

- ~ -

/ horsebow moon /

Byleth feels the burn of the poison in her veins as soon as the Death Knight's scythe cuts into her. The familiar burn triggers something in her and she drops to her knees as pain turns her vision white.

"Professor!" Lorenz yells. He's the closest to her so he pulls her to her feet and studies her face intensely, trying to see why she collapsed.

Byleth drops the Sword of the Creator and breathes slowly as her vision comes back to her. The pain isn't even that bad yet, but the memory of it seems to have shocked her body to the extreme. "Get Claude," she orders strictly.

She stumbles against him and Lorenz whips his head around. "Raphael!" he yells. "Get Flayn and Monica out of here. Leonie, find Claude. The professor needs help."

Byleth feels a spark of admiration for the leadership traits Lorenz has, even if he buries them under layers of noble snobbery most times. Marianne hurries over to them and her white magic tingles as it heals most of Byleth's wounds. She says something softly to Lorenz that Byleth doesn't catch, but Lorenz shakes his head in response.

Another pulse of fire burns from the wound and Byleth grimaces. She steps away from Lorenz and looks around the crypt. The strange soldiers are gone now, including the Death Knight, but their presence makes Byleth's skin crawl. Those soldiers had been Edelgard's last time and the insignias they bear this time are the same.

Am I too late? Did I not do enough?

Sothis doesn't reply and anger prickles along her skin. She has torn apart her future to come back to try and stop the war and to save her students and she isn't sure that she can handle losing them again.

"Teach!" Claude yells. Leonie and Claude are rushing towards them. There's a smear of red across Claude's cloak from where he had dammed Manuela's wound. He looks wild and shaken, but relief blossoms across his features as he realizes Byleth is still standing.

His hands land on her biceps as he reaches her, looking her up and down. "What's wrong, Teach?"

Poison pulses through her veins. She grimaces and grips Claude's hand in her own. She slides it towards the wound. His hand is warm against her even through her shirt. The blood seems to concern him, but he's sharp and knows that's not what is actually bothering her.

"Leonie, give me your hunting knife," he instructs.

He cuts away the fabric where it sticks to her skin and curses as he uncovers the wound. Leonie, behind him, blanches at the sight of the blackened veins. "What the hell?" she exclaims.

Claude touches the wound and fire burns through Byleth. She cries out unintentionally. Claude hisses an apology and fumbles for the pouch of poisons and antidotes on his belt. He pulls out the familiar clear vial. Byleth doesn't hesitate, downing the antidote without waiting for him to say anything.

Most of the pain fades, but the wound still aches dully. Claude slides an arm around her waist. "Come on, Teach, let's get you to the infirmary."

Even with Claude's support, Byleth stumbles her way out of the crypt. Her exhaustion seems to have caught up with her and the lingering effect of the poison amplifies it. She leans her head against his shoulder as they emerge from the tunnel in Jeritza's room and breathes slowly, trying to centre herself.

"Kid?"

That voice makes her look up sharply. Jeralt and a contingent of knights have just entered the room and her father's worried gaze is fixed directly onto her. She straightens up a bit, trying to look less like she's relying on Claude to keep her upright.

"I'm okay," she assures.

Claude snorts out a laugh. "The Death Knight's blade was poisoned," he informs. "I got it out of her system, but she needs rest, not whatever the hell Rhea is going to try to have her do."

Jeralt's brow furrows. "I'll worry about Rhea." He walks forward and presses a firm, warm kiss to Byleth's forehead. The display of affection is unusual for Jeralt, but she knows the meaning he places behind it. "Get her to the infirmary," he says to Claude.

Byleth wants to ask him to stay, to take her himself, but he's a captain and he has a job to do. She bites her tongue as he walks by her even if every bone in her body wants him to stay or to leave and get as far away from the monastery as possible. The selfish shadow in her chest tells her that she's not sure she can go through losing him again.

"Teach?" Claude inquires. "Are you sure you're okay?"

Byleth inhales deeply and tears her eyes from where her father had disappeared to. "Yes, I'm just tired."

"Why are you still lying to him?" Sothis asks suddenly.

Claude steps forward to assist her again and Byleth realizes that she doesn't have a good answer to that question.

- ~ -

/ wyvern moon /

This time, Claude once again backs her participation in the Battle of the Eagle and the Lion. Dimitri and Edelgard had protested, as expected, but Byleth studies their expressions as they each present their argument. Dimitri still seems concerned about her well-being, but Edelgard has something cooler and tenser in her expression. It is disconcertingly reminiscent of the expression she had held in the Holy Mausoleum.

Between Claude's scheming and Byleth's tactics, their battle plan comes together smoothly and even more efficient than it had been when she had fought this fight with the Blue Lions. Ignatz and Leonie share the responsibility of the ballista and the defence of it. Lysithea, Marianne, and Lorenz easily sweep through Felix, Ingrid, Dedue, and Sylvain due to their lack of ranged attacks. Byleth, Raphael, Hilda, and Claude take on the Eagles and the whole thing topples with remarkable efficiency.

After the battle, Byleth's standing with Claude atop the hill when Dimitri and Edelgard approach.

"Professor, that was a remarkable strategy," Dimitri compliments. "It's like you knew my every move before I could make it."

Edelgard inclines her chin. "Almost as if you knew what it would be, really," she adds. There's an undertone of suspicion in her tone and Byleth frowns.

Thankfully, Claude, despite his notable previous suspicions, laughs. "Come on then, where's my compliment? I am an equal contributor to this strategy," he argues.

Byleth smiles. "He's right about that," she points out.

Edelgard rolls her eyes. "Your schemes hardly count as a concrete battle plan, Claude."

Dimitri's attention stays fixed on Byleth. "It did all feel familiar," he says to her quietly. "But, strange, nonetheless. Almost like you should have been fighting with me instead of against me."

Byleth laughs weakly. "Strange," she echoes.

Dimitri shakes his head and holds a hand out. His palm is warm against hers as she shakes his hand. "A battle well fought," he concedes.

- ~ -

/ red wolf moon /

The Golden Deer are equally as disturbed as the Blue Lions were after the battle in Remire Village. Lysithea and Ignatz, in particular, seem concerned with Solon and the fact that he had been disguised as Tomas.

Byleth had been heading back to the Golden Deer classroom when she heard mention that Tomas had been at the monastery by recommendation of House Ordelia. The admission had caught her off-guard so she redoubled her pace to the classroom, wanting to talk to Lysithea again.

Unfortunately, Tomas's connection to House Ordelia is as concerning to Lysithea as it is to Byleth. Her youngest student has three different historical texts in front of her and her eyes have dark circles underneath them. Byleth reaches over and closes the book in front of her. Lysithea turns a burning gaze to her, displeased and Byleth shakes her head.

"Get some rest. The situation won't change much by morning, and we need everyone to be at their best for the future," she says to her student.

Lysithea's shoulders hunch. "I know," she admits slowly. "I just," she trails off, looking frustrated and vulnerable.

"It's not your fault," Byleth says. "Don't ever think that this is your fault."

Without another word, Lysithea twists in her seat and tucks her arms around Byleth's waist. Byleth tenses for a moment before she lowers her hands to reassuringly touch her student's shoulders. Lysithea is stubborn and her refusal to be seen as young means that she builds so many walls to hide her emotions behind. Seeing her scared and vulnerable like this is almost reassuring because it shows Byleth that she's feeling and that she's connecting with people.

The quiet contact between professor and student seems to reassure her and Lysithea pulls away after a lingering moment. She wipes at her eyes and stands up from the table. She looks exhausted, but her shoulders are square as she announces her plan to head to her room and take a nap.

Byleth shifts uncomfortably as she leaves. She can still hear the cries of people in Remire Village in the back of her mind and she's afraid of what it will mean for the next month.

- ~ -

/ ethereal moon /

The ball is suffocating. She wants to smile and enjoy herself like she did last time–to dance with Dimitri and to spin in silly circles with Claude since neither of them actually know how to dance properly–but the air in the room feels stale and it burns when she breathes.

Byleth ducks out and heads to the goddess tower, hoping that it's empty. The height and quietness of it call to her. She keeps her hands pressed against the stone as she climbs to ground herself. Her head feels like it's spinning as she climbs and her breathing is shallow.

She reaches the top and staggers to the balcony on the edge. She curls her fingers into the stone railing and breathes. The air is cool and it stings, but she's finally able to feel like she's breathing again. She doesn't feel like she's going to collapse anymore.

She stands alone at the top of the tower for a long minute, eyes closed and breathing slowly. There are soft footsteps behind her and she prays for a moment they'll leave so that she can be alone, but not even she is that lucky.

"Teach?"

Byleth turns to face Claude. He is standing just at the top of the stairs and he looks concerned. She bites her lip and turns her gaze back to the window she had been looking out. She can't look at Claude. Like Sothis has said, he is very observant and too good at reading her expressions even when she doesn't want him too.

He apparently either doesn't realize that she wants to be alone, or doesn't care, because she hears him walk over until she can feel the warmth from him radiating into her space. "Are you going to tell me why you ran away from the ball?"

Byleth swallows. "I'm worried about tomorrow," she admits.

Claude raises an eyebrow. "Really?"

Byleth rubs at her temples. "It's not going to go like we think it will."

"You sound sure," he points out.

Byleth bites her lip. She's tired. She's so tired of living the same days and losing people and watching the world fall down the same spiral that led to 5 years of brutal war. She really doesn't want to do this anymore.

Claude contemplates something when she doesn't reply and she feels, more than sees, him shift in her periphery. "Teach, what are you so scared of happening tomorrow?"

Something in Byleth breaks and she leans forward onto her hands, pressing her forehead against the stone. "I'm running in circles and nothing will stop any of this. There is so much senseless death and destruction and I can't make it end. I thought I could stop this, but I've been following the same footsteps and walking the same path."

Claude doesn't hesitate to sink so he's level with her. "Teach–Byleth–I don't know what you're talking about."

Byleth inhales slowly and tries to calm her racing mind. "I have a goddess inside my head and I can turn back time," she says abruptly. Claude tenses. She laughs and shakes her head. "You probably think I'm crazy and I don't blame you. Tomorrow my father is going to die and I'm so terrified I won't be able to do anything about it."

"You're not crazy," he says firmly. "I may not understand half of what you just said, but, Teach, you're not crazy. I mean, you trusted me with this, so maybe you're a little crazy, but you're not crazy."

Byleth laughs lowly. "I can't lose him again."

Something warm drapes over her back and shoulders and tugs her sideways. They shift so that they're sitting on the floor of the tower and Claude's arm is wrapped firmly over her shoulder. Byleth presses her head to the crook of his neck and breathes in his familiar scent of pine and parchment.

"We won't lose him," Claude assures.

Byleth shakes her head against his neck. "That's what I said last time."

She can feel his pulse thrumming where she rests against him. He doesn't seem to know where to take the conversation and instead just keeps his arm around her and lets her rest against him where they sit. She's sure there are a million places Claude with his charming smile would rather be, but he makes no attempt to move away from her, staying a warm, reassuring presence to her.

Slowly, Byleth reaches for his hand. She guides his fingers to the inside of her wrist where her own pulse pulses rhythmically. He doesn't say anything, but his index and middle fingers press into her skin as he feels the hum of her pulse. After a moment, she guides his palm up to her upper chest and rests it against her bare skin above where her heart should be. After a moment, Claude stiffens and pulls his hand away.

"You have no heartbeat," he says matter-of-factly. "How is that possible?"

"I have a goddess inside of me and a Crest Stone instead of a heart."

Claude's breath catches as he leans away from her just enough that he can make eye contact with her. "You weren't kidding."

Byleth closes her eyes and shakes her head. "No."

He leans forward again so that their foreheads are pressed together. The moment feels painfully intimate and a part of Byleth's head is in uproar–DIMITRIDIMITRIDIMITRI, it whispers–and the rest of her is blissfully silent because as wrong as this feels, it feels more right than most things have since she reset the world.

- ~ -

Byleth presses her forehead to the side of Jeralt's face and closes her eyes. She's crying and shaking and

everything hurts again

. She thought she had done it right this time, putting herself between her father and Monica, but Jeralt had asked her to check on Leonie who had been injured in the battle. Byleth had hesitated and her father had insisted and Monica had already been walking away.

He had taken her blade straight to the heart as soon as Byleth had turned away. Thales had thwarted her Divine Pulse and Byleth was once again in the mud, clutching the still body of her father.

Why am I not enough? she asks Sothis desperately. Why can't I save him?

"Perhaps this is his fate. I am the Beginning, but I cannot see the End."

Byleth shakes her head and pulls Jeralt's body closer. With a shaking hand, she tries to pour white magic into him, but just like last time–just like with Dimitri–the spell doesn't take. Finally, having exhausted everything, she cries again.

"I'm sorry," she whispers to her dead father.

There's a sharp gasp over her shoulder and a rush of footsteps as her Golden Deer finally find her. A warm body presses against her side and a tan hand reaches forward to gently close Jeralt's eyes. A hand closes over one of hers where she's clutching Jeralt's chest and she leans into the body, letting it keep her upright. The other hand curls over her back, stroking and comforting as best it can.

Claude swallows heavily as he holds her. "I'm sorry," he whispers. It hurts because he knew and he tried, but they're still sitting here and her father is still dead.

The Golden Deer pile around them shortly after. Their hands brush against Byleth and against Claude and against Jeralt. No words are exchanged and no one complains. Raphael inserts himself last, using his large frame to try and shield as many of them as possible from the rain. Leonie presses her head against Byleth's curling both her hands over Byleth and Claude's joined fingers on Jeralt.

The warmth of their bodies pressing around her is like an echo of the other life, but Byleth thinks this one hurts more because she knew it was coming.

"I'm sorry," Sothis whispers. "I'm so sorry."

- ~ -

/ guardian moon /

You have got to be kidding me! How could you fall for this again?

" Sothis scolds.

Byleth lets out a growl and spins. The odd place where Sothis resides is exactly as it was last time and she's just as annoyed. "I'm sorry, alright? I just got mad." She exhales slowly and turns back to face the goddess.

Sothis descends the stairs towards her. "You understand what this means, don't you?"

Byleth frowns. "I can't leave here without your power, can I?"

Sothis shakes her head. "No, you can't. And we've established that you must go. But," the goddess pauses.

Byleth stares at her. Sothis looks remarkably young, as she always has, but she looks troubled. "What is it?"

Sothis reaches out and stops just before she touches Byleth's face. "My friend," she says softly. "If I go this time, I do not know if you will be able to reach me again."

Byleth tenses. "I found you last time."

"And we have been together this time differently than last time. I fear you will feel my absence more."

Byleth lowers her head. "I have to go."

"I know," Sothis replies. "And I am sorry, Byleth, that I have not been enough to save your father and that I was not enough to save Dimitri last time."

Byleth shakes her head and looks the goddess straight in the eye. "We are one, Sothis. Any weakness of yours is a weakness of mine as well. I will find you again when I need you."

Sothis laughs. "Oh my friend, you misunderstand. I hope you will never have need of me again."

Without another word, Sothis reaches forward and presses a hand against Byleth's chest. The goddess dissolves into golden light. The light burns, bright and warm and Byleth screams out. Once again, golden light sears the darkness and she swings blindly out with the Sword of the Creator.

The world bends around her and she cuts through it, tearing the fabric of dimensions to return herself back to her world. There are mixed gasps from around her from the Golden Deer and from Solon's forces.

Byleth ignores it all and flies at Solon, letting her rage burn through her as her awakened sword strikes down. She cuts through the remaining enemies in a blind rage, grieving for Jeralt and for Sothis and for everyone that she has lost.

When she's done and Solon is dead, Claude is at her side. His hands grip her arms and steady her as the glowing energy in her veins fades leaving her drained and exhausted. He studies her, taking in changed hair and eyes and shakes his head slowly.

"Your goddess," he murmurs. "She gave you her power?"

Byleth nods. The world blurs at the edges and her eyes are hot with tears. She tries to ask Claude how her Fawns fared, but her tongue is lead in her mouth and the darkness spins violently. She blacks out so hard and so quickly she almost doesn't hear the cry of her name that tears from his throat, drenched in concern.

- ~ -

/ pegasus moon /

"Hey! Teach!"

Byleth spins to see Claude jogging in her direction. She's standing on the eastern balcony at the cathedral and she's a bit surprised he found her. But, to be fair, Claude is relentless when he wants to be. She nods to him in greeting and he slows to a walk.

"I wanted to catch you before we went into the Holy Mausoleum. I want to know what you're feeling about all of this," he says.

Byleth wraps her arms around her waist and looks out over the monastery again. "I'm still worried," she admits. "There are things that may happen today that we may never recover from. I can only hope we've done enough."

Claude's brow furrows. "This isn't just about what revelation you may receive is it?"

Byleth sighs. "No, it isn't."

"We'll be with you, Teach, all of us. No matter what."

Byleth turns to look fully at Claude. "That promise we all made to come back in five years. Do you think they'll honour that too?"

Claude laughs. "You've met us, right? We're a bunch of crazy sentimental fools."

Byleth smiles and it feels a little sad. "I like the sound of a bunch of sentimental fools."

Claude smiles and something in Byleth's stomach twists. She has no idea what awaits them in the Holy Mausoleum and she can only hope it won't be exactly what she's expecting. She steps toward him and slides her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly.

"Thank you, Claude," she says quietly.

He hugs her back and for a moment it's quiet, just the two of them and the wind.

- ~ -

After Rhea gives her the order, Byleth's grip on the Sublime Creator Sword tightens until it hurts. She stares down the leader of the Black Eagle House.

"Is it worth all of this, Edelgard?" she asks.

Edelgard's face is steeled cold and neutral. "Everything was leading to this. I've accomplished my aims here."

"Why does it have to lead to war?" Byleth presses.

Edelgard frowns. "There is no other alternative. Professor, we have been walking this path since the moment we met. There was no other way this could go."

Byleth holds her sword out and shakes her head. "If I'd come to you, could I have set you off this path?"

Edelgard's expression hardens into something that's almost cruel. It almost reconciles the images she has of the Flame Emperor's cruelty and the young woman before her. "Professor, if you would have joined me, you would have had the pleasure of being on the winning side of this war that will come."

Hubert appears in a burst of light and then they're both gone and Byleth's chest tightens until it hurts. Inevitable, she laments. Was all of this for naught? It hurts to consider that everything she had been through, all her pain and suffering, was just so that the world could walk the same brutal, bloody path again.

Byleth closes her eyes and lets the tip of her sword brush against the stone. She doesn't want to see the rage on Rhea's face and the dismay and betrayal on Claude's. She doesn't want to think about telling Dimitri and initializing the Kingdom Prince's true descent into madness.

She doesn't want to think of Thales and the cliff and what might come next.

- ~ -

/ lone moon /

Byleth finds the Blue Lions in their classroom, looking serious and troubled. She has just finished speaking with the Golden Deer about the situation and imagines Hanneman has done the same for the Blue Lions. Still, several of them turn sharply in her direction when she enters that classroom.

"Professor!" Ashe exclaims. He wrings his hands in front of his, his brow creased. "Is it all true?"

Byleth nods slowly. "Edelgard is the Flame Emperor and she is leading a march on Garreg Mach. We must be prepared."

Sylvain frowns. "And the Black Eagles?"

Byleth shakes her head. "No, none of them knew but Hubert. I imagine many of them are just as shocked as the rest of us." She looks around the classroom and notices two notable absences. She bites her lip and turns towards Felix and Ingrid, almost not ready to hear the answer to the question on the tip of her tongue. "Where are Dimitri and Dedue?"

Felix scoffs. "The Boar is in the Knight's Hall butchering everything he can get his hands on before he gets to Edelgard."

Byleth flinches. She had, futilely, hoped to be the one to talk to Dimitri, but it didn't look like she was going to get that chance. There is a good chance that Dimitri has already started his spiralling into the mad prince he became after five years. "Dedue is with him?"

"Yes," Annette pipes up. "The rest of us thought it would be good to give him some space."

"It's hard to believe Edelgard would do all of this," Mercedes murmurs softly.

"She's always been ambitious, but this isn't what I was expecting at all," Ingrid adds.

Byleth pulls a hand through her newly mint-coloured hair and sighs heavily. "It will not be an easy fight, that is for sure, but we must all survive."

She turns to leave the Blue Lions. They are not hers anymore, no matter how much she still cares for them now. She hopes that her attempts to guide them and connect with them this time have resonated enough to keep them the same kids and young adults she knows going into the future. She pauses at the threshold of the Blue Lion classroom.

"It's a shame there won't be a celebration for the Millennium Festival. I would have looked forward to seeing you all there."

- ~ -

After the initial briefing, Byleth is placed in charge of relaying the commands to Dimitri and Claude. She sends a squire to summon them both and meets them above the graveyard where if she cranes her neck she can just see where both of her parents are buried. It doesn't take long after she summons them for the two remaining House Leaders to find her.

Dimitri looks haunted. His eyes are tired and his posture stiff and alert. His facade of "perfect prince" is well enough in place for those who don't know him, but Byleth sees through it and she knows the Lions do too.

Claude, on the other hand, simply looks tired. His green eyes are dimmer than usual and his hair is messy, even for him. He has a book tucked under his arm and a bow slung along his back.

They both look achingly young for what lies ahead.

"I have information from Rhea and Seteth about the plans to protect the monastery. We want to protect the monastery, but if it comes to it, it is more important to evacuate those who cannot fight. We want to survive, not be slaughtered here," Byleth instructs.

Both Claude and Dimitri take in the information silently, nodding along as she relays their instructions. When she reaches the end of the information that Rhea had given her, she pauses. Byleth holds out both of her hands, one to each of her students.

Claude doesn't hesitate before slipping his hand into hers. Dimitri takes a moment longer, but she has forged enough trust with him that he does take her hand. She squeezes both of their hands and sends a silent prayer to Sothis that this is not the last time she will see them.

"You must survive," she tells them. "Your people will need you and we will see each other again."

If her words ring oddly to them, neither says a word. Dimitri's hand–large and calloused across the palm–squeezes her back lightly. Claude's hand–slimmer and rough along the fingertips–reciprocates a tighter grip.

- ~ -

In the end, little changes. There is a cliff and a crack and this time she doesn't scream.

She closes her eyes before she hits the ground and welcomes–

darkness.

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