#∷『 ISMS 』— grace v. ∷

[weoris]

005 | CONNECTED MELODIES 🫧 LITERALLY GIGGLING…

jungwon always knew you loved songwriting, of course he’d know — you were his senior, long-time crush and sister of his own idol, jungkook of bts. but when everyone is convinced you’re writing love songs about him, how on earth is he going to react?

𓂃 MASTERLiST 🌀 PREViOUS NEXT 🍀 CHAPTER

NOTE IM SORRY PPL. ik id say id be more productive and active but blr was escaping my life slowly #emohours i had this in my drafts for a while so i was like hey why not post it after abandoning yall for like a week, no one will have me right? 😁 (please don’t hate me ╥_╥)

TAGLIST 🗯️ @trsrina @hyeosi @mlaren @aki1e @ndrceatm @star4rin @latriii @adajoemaya @astrae4 @stepout-09-15 @rikakhairana-blog @ineedaherosavemeenow @aria-grace-scott @joti17 @lcv3lies @violetinferno @l0veflrws @renchai @saradexe @mijuuv @enhapocketz @kwiwin @bubblytaetae @ahnneyong @dimplewonie @100203s @jiaant11 @doodlelibrary @ashy1um @spilled-coffee-cup @cowsmicwu @yeokii @isoobie @yenqa @teddywonss @ashy1um @neozon3nha @jiawji @oldjws @jiaant11 @star-ism @itsactuallylina @myjaeyunn @haechansbbg @woncine @moons-v @nanuer

[lucienarcheron]

Spirit Meets the Bones - V

Genre: Angst/Romance Warnings: Mentions of physical abuse. ​​

shoutout to my darling @abruisedmuse for keeping me sane while writing. ily!

Tagging: @vanserrass | @climb-the-mountian | @positivewitch | @helion-ism | @sarions | @readthelastpaage | @zenkindoflove | @animezinglife | @eastofatlanta | @carolynmezzosoprano | @carnythian | @runningwiththeoceans | @secret-third-thing | @readychilledwine | @clockwork-ashes | @goldenmagnolias | @mali22 | @maidr-00 | @electromagnetic-waves | @thedarkinmansfield | @theeternalstruggle | @devilsfoodcake22 | @the-midnightwriter | @moonfawnx | @spinachtz | @elizab3th-grace | @ladystarrynight | @highlady-fireheart | @krem-does-stuff | @that-golden-lyre | @lovedbyth3sun | @illyrianshadowhunter | @foxybananaaaz | @weesablackbeak | @ladywhilemia | @moobell55 | @alohaangels | @bibliophiliaxvignette | @easchies | @this-is-rochelle | @thelovelymadone |

Find it all here.

“So, tell me wife,” Eris began. “Other than piano and the urge to stab, what else are you interested in?”

Iris rolled her eyes. “Is this your question for a question?”

He shrugged. “Sure.”

Eris had taken one look at her expression this morning as they stepped out in the hall and knew the tour could wait until later. After a very quiet departure where they slipped out unnoticed by all, they were finally out in a quiet field, letting their horses leisurely stroll side by side as they explored alone. 

They had ridden in silence for the first few moments and if Eris had to sit quietly for another moment without asking her something he would lose his mind. 

Iris’s lips went into a thin line as her eyes drank in the sight of the open field around her. There wasn’t a single soul around them. It was a sense of peace she hadn’t expected to be feeling the morning after her wedding. 

“I think…” she began and glanced at him, “If given the chance, I would’ve liked to properly study the art of healing.” 

Eris hummed in thought, his eyes on her for a moment then back at the road ahead. “A healer?” he asked. “That seems like a noble choice. Why would your father be opposed to it?”

Iris grimaced. “My father...didn’t like the idea of me knowing too many useful things,” she replied, gently running a hand through her horse’s mane. “If I became useful, I wouldn’t need him. If I didn’t need him, I could defy him. And if I could defy him? Well then...I’d be a much bigger problem.”

“You seem to have done that anyway. It doesn’t seem to have stopped you from getting away with quite a lot,” he said quietly. 

Iris shook her head and glanced at him. “I was...very limited in what I could do. Kept on a very tight leash. I can socialize but only when he allows it with the specific people he wants. I could have hobbies but only if he deemed them appropriate and he had the power to take them away whatever he wanted, at any point in time.” she said and her voice lowered to a mumble. “It was his favorite thing to do, and everything came at a price.”

She frowned and Eris tilted his head, saying nothing as he watched her, hoping she would continue. It surprised him that he wanted to know more. He needed to know more.

After a few moments of silence, Iris seemed to remember she had more to say.

“Everything I really cared about doing, or rather everything I tried to do, had to be done in secret. I never learned how to properly defend myself because I had to sneak to do it. The same applies to healing. I had to be very careful how I approached my instructors with questions. If I seemed too eager or began excelling too quickly, it would be taken away. The piano was allowed because he used it as a selling point.” she said with a snort. “I was his so-called poor sickly daughter who couldn’t be out and about for too long and whose only joy was her little piano. I annoyed him enough that he let some things slide but after a while, he got sick of it and... what’s another bruise?”

The nonchalance shrug made Eris’s jaw clench and he shifted his shoulders uncomfortably. Too similar. They were much too similar. 

“Did you try healing yourself?”

Iris looked away, towards the open field once more. “I did. But it had to be gradual. If I did it too quickly, he would notice.” she replied. “I liked it best when he didn’t notice me.”

Eris watched her silently for a moment, watched the longing in her eyes at the open field and space. A bitterness clawed its way into his chest. He knew all too well how trapped a person can feel.

“You can ride out if you’d like,” he said, forcing his tone to be as gentle as possible. “The edge of the border takes you to the sea, about an hour’s ride.”

“And leave you all alone, little lord?” she said with a scoff. “Wouldn’t want you to start crying.”

Eris smirked. “Aw, wife. Just say you can’t bear a moment without me by your side. I understand, I’m very dashing.”

Without looking at him, Iris flipped him off. “I won’t run off, you know.”

“I know," he confirmed. "So, if you’d like to ride, go for it. It’s just us here.”

She glanced at him and then again looked around. “Is that why you didn’t take me on a tour inside first?”

“One look at your face told me you’d rather not stay inside for too long. I figured seeing the land was a good start,” he replied, his fingers tightening on the reins briefly. “Was I wrong?”

Iris didn’t want to acknowledge it but gods, he was right. The idea of taking a tour where people were going to stare at her and wonder how she was still standing after a night with their stupid lordling made her want to vomit. “No,” she said quietly. “I don’t exactly look forward to being gawked at when we return.”

The corner of Eris’s mouth lifted. “They won’t,” he said. “The bride and groom have the blessing to avoid other human interactions for a week at least. It’s why you won’t see any of our housekeeping and I’m relieved of my duties this week. They’ll leave us alone for now to enjoy each other’s company.”

“Is this a custom I have never heard of?”

“It is when you’re the son of a high lord,” he replied, and Iris snorted but her curiosity was piqued. 

“So, we will have our own housekeeping staff then?”

“Of course. I personally went through the process of vetting them.”

She nodded and stole a glance at him to find him watching her as curiously as she watched him. “You also have your own guard, right?”

“Yes. I pick them myself. I need to know I can trust them.”

Trust. Such an important thing between him and his men. It would be an important thing between the two of them as well. If Eris would allow it to grow. If Iris would accept it.

Glancing ahead, fingers still tight on the reins, she asked, “And what do your duties include?”

“Helping my father run this court,” he said, his eyes drifting to the fields around them. “I have handled all the trades and business with our farming lands since the unfortunate incident with Jesminda. I also meet with and handle any citizen concerns as well as oversee the security measures around our border. Sometimes I’ll help train new soldiers. A few things here and there.”

Iris blinked rapidly. “A few?” she snorted. “If you do all this, what does your father do?”

Eris scoffed, his expression souring slightly. “Sit on his throne and drink wine.”

Iris’s eyebrows rose but she bit her lip, holding back a snicker. “What about your brothers?”

“Fucking their way through the city and spending my money,” he replied with a snort and this time, Iris didn’t hold back her small smile.

“It almost seems like you’re the only responsible one here, dearest husband.” 

“I am, dearest wife. You lucked out.”

Iris rolled her eyes but then paused, hands gently brushing the mane of her horse again, her eyes locked on him. “It also seems like you don’t like your family members much,” she asked carefully.

Eris knew the question she was asking and though they were in a wide field all alone, not a soul to listen to their conversation as he had intended, he hesitated. She didn’t need to know the depth of his disgust with how his family lived just yet. 

“I cannot live a day without them,” he said dully. “They bring me happiness every day.”

“Even your father?” she asked, her lips twitching. 

“Especially my father. He is the spark of joy in my heart.” Eris added in the driest of tones and Iris chuckled, bringing a small smile to his face.

“You’re an excellent liar,” she said with a shake of her head. “I thought you said it was just us. And that our question for a question would remain honest?”

Eris eyed her carefully. He wasn’t a foolish male, he knew when he could trust people and when he couldn’t. And yet.

“My relationship with my family is complicated,” he answered slowly. “I am sure you’ll understand more as you get to know them.” 

She hummed in thought then scrunched up her nose. “Do I have to get to know anyone besides your mother?”

“I’d personally prefer not but there’s no escaping my father,” he said with a sigh. “My brothers...can be ignored until otherwise noted.” 

Iris pursed her lips. She had even more questions now but clearly, his family was a touchy subject. Which was fair; just the mere mention of her father made her blood boil and she openly hated him.

“Now that I know you’re a very busy male, husband,” she began. “What exactly am I supposed to do with my time if I’ll never see you once this week is up?”

“Sitting in our bedroom looking delicious and happily waiting for me,” he replied immediately and smirked at the glare she shot him.

“Seriously, Eris.” she huffed. “What am I supposed to do? I — I don’t want to be sitting around uselessly.” 

“How did you spend your time before?” he asked, and Iris scowled.

“Doing anything I could get my hands on,” she said, and Eris watched as her eyes cataloged every detail around them, avoiding his gaze. “I read a lot of books. Painted. Sketched. Sculpted with clay. I even played with pottery...The results were terrible as I do not have an artist's hand and mostly made a mess.”

Eris fought the chuckle rising in him. 

“I dabbled in writing, which was also terrible. I even tried my hand at gardening but it…did not go well. Our gardener hated me.” she added with a snort. “I baked, I cooked, I even learned embroidery —which was a terrible waste of time as all I did was stab myself repeatedly.” 

“Ah, so that’s where your stabbing fetish comes from.” 

“I even tried weaving with an actual loom.” she continued, ignoring him completely and Eris watched her rant with barely hidden mirth. “All of this ended with me bothering the house staff as much as possible because I was so bored.”

“Sounds like you’re an absolute menace. I’m thrilled,” he said his lips twitching and Iris rolled her eyes, flipping him off with both hands.

“What about you then? I’m sure you’ve been an angel. What are you interested in?”

“Murder.” he deadpanned.

“Right up my alley then.”

He finally gave in to his amusement and laughed softly. “It sounds like you kept yourself very busy.”

“Uselessly busy.” she snapped and frowned at him. “I don’t want that to continue. I don’t want to be useless.” 

Eris pulled on the reins of his horse gently to halt it, gesturing for her to do the same. Iris’s frown deepened but she stopped as well, turning her horse to face his.

“What would you like to do?” he asked.

And it was the shift in his tone that had Iris sitting up. She thought quietly for a moment and Eris watched her mind working. 

She opened her mouth a moment later, but he held up a finger with a small smile.

“I’ve already factored in training for the two of us, time for you to practice your music skills, and time for the two of us outside of the house considering I can’t really show you everything I want to in a week,” he said, and Iris blinked. 

“You already thought of all that? When?”

“I am to be a high lord, my mind has to work very quickly,” he said with a smug smile. “What else would you like?”

Iris blinked once more. He...was being strangely thoughtful. It made her nervous. She narrowed her eyes at him.  

He quirked a brow, waiting. 

“To be with you when you’re hearing people’s concerns.” she blurted out. “I want you to teach me the court rules. I want to study healing again and take up the practice.”

She wanted so much. All she could think about was how much she wanted to do things and be present and have a say, but would he let her? What would he ask in return? Would he —

“More time together then?” he asked with a smirk. “You better pace yourself wife, I think my charm is starting to win you over.” 

Iris tried not to squirm as he watched her, but it didn’t stop the slight blush that bloomed on her cheeks. “I don’t exactly have anyone else to hang out with. You’re as good as it’ll get,” she mumbled, and Eris scoffed.

“I’m so flattered you’re this excited to spend time with me,” he said, and he hated that it bothered him. “Don’t you have friends you can visit? Or visit you? You can have those, you know. No one will stop them from visiting you.”

He watched her expression fall for a split second before her face neutralized again and she fretted with her braid instead. “I — I don’t have friends,” she said quietly. “Friends notice things.”

Silence fell between them and without saying a word to one another, their horses began moving again. Eris stole glances at her, feeling the embarrassment radiating off her and his mouth went into a thin line. As if she had anything to be embarrassed about. She had no idea how similar they were.

He pursed his lips then softly said, “Aside from Lucien and Elain...neither do I. And that’s been a long process. A very long process...I still don’t trust anyone and it’s hard to make friends when you don’t know who will stab you in the back.” 

Her shoulders relaxed as Iris let out a breath, her face still a little flushed. She stole another glance at him. 

“You can’t build any kind of relationship without trust,” she said, and the weight of the statement sat between them.

A heartbeat passed as Eris considered her across from him, a partner now shackled to him.

“No. You can’t.” was all he could think to say.

And Iris wondered just how much she could trust him and just how much he could trust her. It seemed like he had so much more to lose than she did. Then again…

She looked at him once more as they rode on. “So.”

Eris gave her an amused look. “So.”

“Are you and your brother closer now than before?”

Eris nodded slowly then smirked. “He won’t admit it but I’m his best friend.”

“That seems like a lie.”

“It is not. I’m his favorite person,” he said with a snort. “But I like Elain more than him anyway. She’s nicer to me.”

It was Iris’s turn to snort. “I’m sure he loves that.”

“He’s very jealous of Elain and I’s relationship.” 

Iris rolled her eyes. “You sound like a child,” she said, and Eris sniggered. “She’s nice then — Elain?”

“Are you worried about my relationship with your sister-in-law?” Eris teased. “Don’t worry, wife. I will always put you first.”

Iris’s expression flattened. “Just like you to make a question not about you, about you.” 

Eris chuckled. “Yes, Elain is very nice,” he answered. “She’s a character. I think the two of you will get along just fine.”

“And you’d want that?” she asked curiously. “For us to get along?”

“Of course,” Eris replied and Iris noted the sincerity in his expression. “Aside from my mother, they’re the only family I care about. They’re the only ones who matter.”

"Your other brothers aren't high on the list, huh?" she asked and Eris pursed his lips.

"It's...complicated," he answered with a diplomatic smile.

Iris’s eyebrows rose at his statement but she sat quietly, digesting it. He didn’t seem too ready for her to engage with his family in this court but was open to her having a relationship with the ones who didn’t live here…which was interesting.

She could have a friend in Elain at least, if Eris liked her so much. And — and a friend in Lucien too. His other brothers...Iris would have to see about that. She snuck a glance at her husband and found him watching her curiously. 

She could also find a friend in him as well, she supposed. 

“Are my other requests reasonable?” she asked quietly, and Eris gave her a small smile, feeling that faint sense of approval from him again.

“I think our court would benefit from a healer on a throne,” he said quietly. “It would be good for you to be involved. I will make it all work smoothly into my schedule.”

Iris gave him an amused look, biting back a smile at his statement. “Organized, are you?”

His grip tightened on the reins before he loosened his grip again. “I like things to be in a certain order so I will make sure it all works well and is accounted for with our combined schedules.”

Iris watched him curiously. He liked control then. Which was...not surprising. It made so much sense. Iris saw all his inappropriate comments in a whole new light now. 

She let a moment of silence pass between them before finally saying, “Wow.”

“Hm?”

“You really let me ask for things with no requests for kisses in return? Or for me to sit in your lap? Or do any of the other filthy things I know you’re constantly thinking of?” she said with a scoff and Eris grinned. “Dare I say in a matter of hours, growth?”

“Oh no, I’m saving it for later,” he said with a lazy smile then slowly gave her a thoughtful look. “Though I have never taken someone astride a horse before. Do you think Axel will mind if we ride each other while riding him?”

Iris shook her head, sighing. “Spoke so soon,” she mumbled, and Eris chuckled. Ignoring how his chuckle seemed to dance across her skin, Iris asked, “Where are we exactly? Near the Spring Court?”

“No, that’s more south. We are in the east forest, towards the Mortal realm with the sea between us,” he replied and moved his horse closer to hers. 

Iris pursed her lips for a moment and gave him an almost pleading look, but Eris only jerked his chin again. “Go on.” he only said.

And she hesitated for a breath until Eris blinked, and then she was off, riding in the wind. 

He knew he wasn’t doing her any favors and shouldn’t feel too proud of himself for it, but the wide smile on her face as she rode ahead brought a small one to his own. Eris followed her at a slower pace, letting her ride ahead, to give her some time to herself while he watched her. 

One night and it had changed...something for him. It had been a night and day of marriage and suddenly, with every conversation they had…he had started caring. Which would be problematic. His father alone would make it a big problem and he desperately needed Iris to be aware of that. 

But as he neared her slowly and she turned to him with that wide grin on her face, Eris felt his wretched heart skip a beat and any concern of his father quickly slipped his mind. 

“The view is wonderful.” she quickly gushed. “And the fresh air! And the sound of the waves!”

His brows slowly went up as an amused smile came onto his face. “You’ve never been near the sea, I’m assuming?”

“No,” she said, and her smile dimmed slightly. “But — but we can go, right? Will you take me? Can we go now?”

And the hopeful expression on her face made his heart clench. He couldn’t afford this. He couldn’t afford to care about another person for his father to use against him. But the way she was looking at him…

“Not today but we can plan another visit,” he promised, and the wide smile returned on her face. “I’d rather have the area secured first and bring a hound or two of mine with us for extra measures. We don’t venture out this way often and I’d rather be prepared.”

Iris immediately sat up straighter on her horse. “Those famous hounds of yours?”

He gave her an amused smirk. “Famous, are they?”

“You know they are! They’re rare as it is and rumor has it you have twelve of them,” she said, almost accusingly and Eris truly had to fight back a smile. “Is it true?”

Eris blinked at her with what he hoped seemed like an innocent enough expression but couldn’t stop the chuckle when she gave him a pointed look.

“Well?”

“I do. They’re my prized possessions.”

“They are not possessions!” she immediately said with a scoff. “They are companions, and you should view them as such.”

His level of amusement was rising by the moment. He couldn't remember the last time he had been this entertained. 

“Are you a fan of animals then?” he asked dryly. 

“Yes. I’ve always wanted a pet of my own,” she said then pointed at him threateningly. “You will take me to meet them. I would like to pet them all.”

“They are lethally trained smokehounds bred to fight and protect,” he said with a snort. “Not some house pets you can cuddle.”

“I’ll bet you anything they’ll let me cuddle them.” she challenged.

Eris wondered what her reaction would be if she found out how much he actually cuddled with his hounds. Some days they were the only things anchoring him. 

He flashed her a smirk instead and teasingly said, “You’ll bet me anything?”

Iris immediately narrowed her eyes and pointed one deadly finger at him again. “One more word and I’ll kick you right off your horse.”

He snickered then shook his head. “Regardless of your betting, it takes them a while to warm up to strangers.”

“We shall see,” she said, with her nose in the air. “I still want to meet them. Will you let me?”

Another request in a matter of minutes. Either she was getting too comfortable, too bold, or she really didn’t take him seriously. He wasn’t sure which of those options should bother him. 

But then again, wasn’t that what he wanted? For her to be comfortable with him...for him to show her kindness?

“We shall see,” he repeated back to her, and her lips formed into a slight pout that seemed to have the sole purpose of testing whatever will he had to live. 

“I object to that unclear decision.”

“Well, you’ll just have to deal with it, wife.”

She huffed, tugging the reins slightly so the horses turned to face the direction of home. “What are the plans for the rest of the day?”

“I thought I would give you the grand tour and then we can have lunch. We can decide what to do in the evening together.”

Iris nodded slowly and bit her lip before carefully asking her question. “Will your mother be having dinner at the house?”

Eris tilted his head slightly. “Likely. She usually has her own meetings with court ladies,” he said. “Why?”

“I know you said I can join her for breakfast but...I was wondering if she was free, we can have dinner with her?” Iris asked softly, a light blush creeping on her cheeks. “I want to thank her for her kindness with the clothing and we can spend some time with her. If that’s alright?”

Eris blinked and tried to stop the small smile on his lips. “Of course. I can ask her when we get back.”

“Alright,” Iris said with a small smile and the two observed each other then, quietly. 

The open space around them. The sounds of nature. Not quite knowing what to make of one another yet drawn to know more.

Feeling self-conscious as her husband stared intensely at her, Iris straightened on her horse.

“I’ll race you back to the stables?” she challenged, a playful glint in her eyes and Eris gave her a smirk.

“Think you’ll beat me?” 

“If I win, you have to take me to the hounds immediately,” she demanded, and he chuckled.

“And if I win, little gazelle?” he asked and before he could say one of the many filthy things he loved to scandalize her with, Iris held a hand up.

“If you win, maybe you’ll get that kiss you’ve been craving from me.”

Eris quirked a brow. “There you go again with that maybe of yours.”

“Maybe is as good as it’s going to get.

Eris eyed her, giving her a small smirk. “Alright then, wife,” he said. “I’ll take my chances.” 

With an obnoxious wink and no other warning, he sprinted off leaving a very outraged Iris scrambling behind him.

[vegaseatsass]

GAP the Series ep 5 thoughts (spoilers!!)

WANNA SUCK MOUTH !!!

Gonna rush through this post b/c we watched late and I gotta go to bed, but it's still VERY important to me to journal my way through this show, because, wow wow wow WOW, this show, dude.

Wanna suck mouth!!!

Wanna suck mouth.

Seriously though. The mouths, the lips, the lip-biting, the pen-biting, the teeth, the lipssss, the queer lady gaze of it all. Hottest first kiss I've seen maybe ever??, while simultaneously the most joyful and character-specific. Extremely good stuff.

But besides the absolute sexy excellence of all things Lips in the episode, the crux of this week for me was Mon's demand that Sam be direct, stop giving her a headache from trying to interpret all her opaque Sam-isms... and Sam demanding the same thing of Mon. Both because 1) I love the acknowledgment that graceful social butterfly Mon is probably just as confounding to Sam as vice versa - they communicate differently, not unevenly, and there's a point about neurotypical vs. neuroatypical communication to be made here, but basically it's not that either of them isn't trying, with all her smitten might, to understand and make herself understood AND 2) we got so many clear-cut examples throughout the episode of Sam doing the absolute most to be direct, before Mon ever requested it of her. "Some married man 😤 was flirting by sending you stickers? I sent you stickers!!!" "What is your favorite facial feature of mine? Jsyk my favorite of yours is LIPS. Can I BITE THEM." Lol she was pulling out all the stops!! I just feel like for the first time we really see the layer of the relationship where Sam is trying to express her feelings for Mon, trying to shout them from the rooftops even, but she's not being heard, and it isn't solely because she's repressed and socially awkward but because you put "I, your vaunted idol, want to fuck nasty" in Mon's face and Mon will find an "innocent" explanation to hear instead. Idk it's prob too late at night for me to express this well but I just think this show does a lot of really neat nuance work, while remaining impossibly adorable and funny and sexy and entertaining at the same time.

Like I'll try to say this fast but Sam vs. Nop is one of the best dreamiest things I've ever seen fr, and there is so much about how Sam confronted him and tried to set up a chance for Mon to confront him that speaks to what Sam values in communication, and how burdensome and arbitrary she finds social niceties. AND re: nuance work, I loved it because they let Sam make explicit what Nop has been doing, ignoring every single time Mon tells him she's not into him (because she has told him! onscreen!), with an expectation that he can wear her down over time, exploiting the misogynist social role Mon's trapped in. It is so badass that Sam calls that out, it is so badass that the narrative calls that out! I have so much hope and expectation for everything unspoken right now (forbidden workplace romance, fiance?, what Mon's headspace is re: "friends" playing the lip-biting game) because of these sorts of moments. I really believe this series knows what it's doing, has plenty to say and a deft touch when it comes to saying it, and that's exhilarating.

Quick other things: Loved when Sam got jealous of the prawns for stealing her girl's attention. How long before she asks "Would you love me if I was a worm?" and makes herself jealous of Sam the worm...

I just want to do a very clear shout-out to "What is your favorite facial feature of mine? I'll trade you a bite for a bite" as a flirtation strategy. Like I've been calling Sam a disaster lesbian but that is a move.

Laura and I agreed Sam had major Kim Theerapanyakul vibes in the very first scene, showing up to inflict jealous, unnecessary violence against friends, and then yell "Goodbye forever!!!" when questioned on her embarrassing behavior. Luckily for her Mon apparently will always text first :')

I loved Sam's tie necklace. Very sexy.

What other substances can be applied to and then bitten off lips? Let us brainstorm together, tumblr. Ep 1, Ep 2, Ep 3, Ep 4

[talkingbl]

KBL v. Thai BL: My Two Cents

So, I see the Thai BL v. KBL discourse on twitter and thought I'd chime in on it.

Most common KBL stan arguments I've seen:

Thai BL is bad. Bad acting, bad direction, bad editing, etc.

Most, if not all, Thai BL actors and stories are problematic.

Thai BL is just porn with no plot.

Thai BL actors are 70% jumpscares.

Most common Thai BL stan arguments I've seen:

Most KBLs are boring.

KBL stans are xenophobic and/or fetishize the Korean look.

Even if some KBLs are good, they're not all that much better than Thai BLs.

KBLs are just het kdramas w/2 men instead of a het couple (i.e., little actual LGBT representation).

Arguments I see from instigators who're pretending to take the high road:

Taiwanese BL better than them all.

"Only good LGBT content out of Thailand are the ones starring [insert their favorite femme actor here]."

My Take.

Both sides have some decent points and some completely idiotic takes. I agree with KBL stans that a lot of popular Thai BLs feature terrible acting and plot. Not all, but maybe 7 out of every 10 Thai BLs I've watched (mostly popular ones) either lack significantly in the acting or the editing department (with some lacking in both). Few are outstanding pieces of cinema (though I don't think those ones that aren't are meant to be).

Not only are so many Thai BLs just poorly made (and no, I'm not talking about looking expensive, I'm talking about hiring looks/nepotism/name recognition over talent), so many of them are just ill-conceived to begin with. Most popular Thai BLs are adapted from light novels which are just straight up erotica. And when you take the sex out, there's nothing of substance left. Nothing wrong with that (IMO). But I do see the argument from KBL stans as I, like many others, watch media to immerse myself in an entertaining and sometimes profound story (not necessarily just to get my rocks off). Obviously, a story can do both but it needs to be done well and be well-balanced.

Next, relative to actors in other industries a lot of Thai BL actors have been exposed for being homophobic/rape apologists/colorist/etc. Thai BLs also feature harmful tropes such as making darker skinned characters the bad guys all the time (while pale-skinned characters are innocent angels who can do no wrong), or actively shun darker/less eurocentric features. THAT BEING SAID, there's a couple of caveats I want to point out with this line of thought:

Thailand is by far the biggest producer of live action BL content and is simultaneously the most visible. Of course, there's going to be more instances of abhorrent behavior that make it to the twitter trends than that of any other industry.

Korean men are also not angels? Lol. Like did we learn anything from all the one hundred eleven million times kpop idols have been exposed for racism, anti-semitism, homophobia, and all the other -isms and phobias out there? Just because your fave KBL actor isn't hitting the media circuit like the Thai BL actors are (thus, giving more opportunities for them to expose themselves/be exposed), doesn't mean it's not happening or that they don't think that way.

Point is, both can be horrible with regard to the problematic aspect lol.

As for the Thai BL stan arguments, I agree that most KBLs I've seen are not that interesting beginning-to-end. Many of the ones I've watched are either just as bad as the worst Thai BLs plot-wise or horribly mid with no camp/kitsch factor to save it. Very rarely do I come across a KBL that gets me hooked either due to outstanding production or outstanding story (or both, ideally). A lot of this, I think, is because I hate the kdrama-style of production/directing that can suck the soul out of a heartwarming story.

Now, don't get me wrong, I hate the Thai rom-com style of production/directing with the heat of a thousand suns but the rare saving grace is usually its camp "so bad it's good" value. Either way, both take many Ls in the production department, regularly.

That said, I agree with a lot of Thai BL stans that a lot of KBL stans are reformed kpop warriors who simply prefer the Korean look (which is where we get so many KBL stans calling non-kpopified Thai actors "jumpscares"). I want to be clear here that I don't think all or even most KBL stans are xenophobic, but I said this a long time ago that many KBL stans who talk about the superiority of KBLs and the "inferiority" of Thai BLs move weird to me. You can like something and not use xenophobic dog whistles basically calling Thai BLs (and, come to think of it, even Filo BLs) poverty content and Thai actors ugly for looking too non-Korean.

Please understand, I'm not saying folks can't like what they like. It's about how you express that that changes things (e.g., saying X actor is not attractive is very different than roasting a certain skin tone or virtually unchangeable physical feature across swaths of people). Also, I hate when Thai BL stans use this argument as a way to get out of addressing poor quality we get from Thai BLs that prefer a marketable face/name over good acting/story. Exposing latent Korean superiority complexes is not the way to win the argument about Thai rom-com quality being piss poor.

Finally, the so-called bench riders who are really just anti-Thai BL (rather than pro-KBL): Taiwanese BLs are not magically superior to all just because you want to pretend to be better than the other KBL stans while also simultaneously hating on Thai BLs. Don't get me wrong, I love some Taiwanese BLs but 1) those folx using Taiwanese BL as a crutch are usually not being genuine, and 2) Taiwanese BLs have the most suspect incest relationship-to-socially acceptable relationship ratio of all time lmaoooo. Taiwan is not stranger to terrible concepts and questionable acting. We cannot continuously pretend that all non Thai BLs are the Citizen Kanes of our time whilst this fact persists.

Worst of all are those who stan ITSAY/BkPP (claiming that it's not BL and they're ~serious actors) but roast every other Thai BL (and hell, all BLs in general). Like girl sthu, ITSAY is a BL and BkPP are full time singers now. /j but forreal, I have a lot to say about this group of stans that I'll save for another post. (a/n: I adore ITSAY and am seriously impressed with BkPP but some of their stans are just...yeah)

[atvrvxia]

why  do  people  fall  in  love  with  you ?

because you make them happy. falling in love with you is as easy as breathing. you make everyone grateful to know you and loving you is a privilege. the only greater privilege is to be loved by you

because you make them happy. falling in love with you is as easy as breathing. you make everyone grateful to know you and loving you is a privilege. the only greater privilege is to be loved by you

tagged  by  :   @immrtale​

tagging :   @chrryjuice ( romeo ), @fervour ( korey ), @ofdreamland ( harley ), @ncwkings ( finn ), @exposurc​ (  montana )

[idletragedy]

tag call for octavia blake.

[huntsworn]

just a tag drop; nothing's changed, i'm going to be recycling my old tags !     part 1

[ofhcnor-blog]

tag dump !!

[itsnothawkingbirda]

tag dump

I : ( IC ) reply / FUCK YOUR SOFT WORDS

II : ( VERSE ) marvel / YOU’RE NOT THE HERO OF THIS STORY I AM

II : ( VERSE ) mcu / SHE’S BEAUTY SHE’S GRACE SHE’LL PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE

III : ( INTERACTIONS ) meme / IMPROVE YOUR ARGUMENT

III : ( INTERACTIONS ) wishlist / LITTLE GIRLS WHO WISH ON STARS DON’T LAST LONG ON THE GROUND

III : ( INTERACTIONS ) answered ic / WHY DO YOU TALK SO LOUD

III : ( INTERACTIONS ) answered ooc / HI WELCOME TO CHILLI’S

III : ( INTERACTIONS ) ooc / HoW dO yOu kNoW wHaT’s gOoD fOr mE ?!

IV : ( AESTHETIC ) personal / THE HEROES FALL THE HARDEST

IV : ( AESTHETIC ) weapons / A STICK AND STRING FROM THE PALEOLITHIC ERA

IV : ( AESTHETIC ) wardrobe / ARMOR FOR TODAY’S HEROES

V : ( ABOUT ) visage / I LIKE MY COFFEE HOW I LIKE MYSELF; DARK BITTER AND TOO HOT FOR YOU

V : ( ABOUT ) isms / AT SIXTEEN SHE HAD THE WORLD AT HER FEET

V : ( ABOUT ) musings / NOT THE KIND WHO NEEDS SAVING

V : ( ABOUT ) faceclaim / NOT ALL GIRLS ARE MADE FROM SUGAR SPICE AND EVERYTHING NICE

V : ( ABOUT ) headcanon / HER THOUGHTS TURN TO REALITY

[plethoraxsouls]

( Tag Drop: Nevaeh Telcontra )

[recordplayer70]

Transatlantic Teutonic Two Step Take 93 - Fall Harvest [Sept 6th 2020]

Please click Here if the widget does not appear

Tracks:

A. Kiesel - Lockerungs - side 1 excerpt - Und Entspannungsübungen (1980) [LITERA - 5 95 057]

Damaged Bug - Microminiature Love - Bug On Yonkers (2020) [Castle Face - CF123] *

* John Dwyer and friends doing a record full of covers from outsider wunderkind Michael Yonkers

Conrad Schnitzler - Fabrik - Auf Dem Schwarzen Kanal (1980/2020 repress) [Bureau B - BB 357]

Chris And Cosey - Watching You - Trust (1989) [Nettwerk - W1-30026]

Naked Roommate - Mad Love - Do The Duvet (2020) [Upset! The Rhythm - UTR 132]

Grace Jones - Private Life (Long Version) - Private Life / She's Lost Control (1980) [Island Records - 12 WIP 6629]

Parallel Dance Ensemble - Gigolette - Pizza Turtle Cadillac EP (2009) [ISM Records - ISM 001]

Jega - Dreams - Variance (2009) [Planet Mu - ZIQ024LP]

Mary Ocher - Authority's Hold (feat Your Government) - The West Against The People (2017) [Klangbad - Klangbad73LP]

Chilliwack - Claps/Chants - Chilliwack (1971) [A&M Records - SP-3509]

Peter-Thomas-Sound-Orchester (New Astronautic Sound) - Piccicato In Heaven - Raumpatrouille (Die Phantastischen Abenteuer Des Raumschiffes ORION) (1966 / 1979 repress) [Fontana - 6434 261]

Humphrey Bogart & Virginia Bruce - Excerpt Act 2 - Moontide (196?-7?) [Sandpiper Records - LP 7]

Khruangbin - First Class - Mordechai (2020) [Dead Oceans / Night Time Stories - DOC193]

Los Trovadores Del Pacífico - La Tunda - V/A Guasá, Cununo y Marimba (Afro-Colombian Music From The Pacific Coast) (2020) [Vampi Soul - VAMPI 199]

Ronnie Von - Gira Girou - V/A Lumieres Du Bresil (1973) [Polydor - 2480 266]

Jim Sullivan - U.F.O. - U.F.O. (1969 / 2020 repress) [Light In The Attic - LITA 054]

La Luz - Sleep Till They Die - Weirdo Shrine (2015) [Hardly Art - HAR-089]

The Fresh & Onlys - Glass Bottom Boat - Soothsayer (2013) [Mexican Summer - MEX170-1]

Bonzo Dog Band - Eleven Mustachioed Daughters - The Doughnut In Granny's Greenhouse (1974) [Sunset Records - SLS 50210]

Guerilla Toss - What Would The Odd Do? - What Would The Odd Do? (2019) [NNA Tapes - NNA121]

A. Kiesel - Lockerungs - side 1 excerpt - Und Entspannungsübungen (1980) [LITERA - 5 95 057]

[teachingmycattoread]

Things We’ve Yelled About This Episode #13

Much Ado About Nothing, William Shakespeare

Much Ado About Nothing (1993) (trailer, wiki)

Anti-Stratfordian-ism - refers to the theory that William Shakespeare (The Man From Stratford) did not write The Plays of William Shakespeare. For our opinions on this may I refer you to Exhibit A, Exhibit B and this gif:

"Beatrice: I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man swear he loves me", Act I Scene I

Kenneth Branagh (imdb)

Keanu Reeves (imdb)

Much Ado About Nothing (2011) - the David Tennant and Catherine Tate one (trailer)

Othello, William Shakespeare

Romeo and Juliet, William Shakespeare

Minions (wiki)

"Claudio:What man was he talk’d with you yesternight

Out at your window betwixt twelve and one?

Now, if you are a maid, answer to this." Act IV Scene I

Much Ado About Nothing, BBC ShakespeaRe Told (2005) - this is the adaptation where Hero doesn't take Claudio back (wiki)

The difference between comedy and tragedy is listening to the women - we're referring to this tumblr post

"Beatrice:In our last

conflict four of his five wits went halting off, and

now is the whole man governed with one", Act I Scene I

"Messenger: And a good soldier too, lady.

Beatrice: And a good soldier to a lady: but what is he to a lord?" Act I Scene I

"Don Pedro: Come, lady, come; you have lost the heart of

Signior Benedick

Beatrice: Indeed, my lord, he lent it me awhile; and I gave

him use for it, a double heart for his single one:

marry, once before he won it of me with false dice,

therefore your grace may well say I have lost it." Act II Scene I

"The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference"- Elie Wiesel (ref)

Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen

Drift compatibility (fanwiki)

"Beatrice: You always end with a jade's trick: I know you of old." Act I Scene I

Persuasion, Jane Austen

"Benedick: Come, bid me do any thing for thee.

Beatrice: Kill Claudio.

Benedick: Ha! Not for the wide world.

Beatrice: You kill me to deny it. Farewell." Act IV Scene I

"Benedick: Will your grace command me any service to the

world's end? I will go on the slightest errand now

to the Antipodes that you can devise to send me on;

I will fetch you a tooth-picker now from the

furthest inch of Asia, bring you the length of

Prester John's foot, fetch you a hair off the great

Cham's beard, do you any embassage to the Pigmies,

rather than hold three words' conference with this

harpy. You have no employment for me?" Act II Scene I

Emma Thompson (imdb)

"Leonato: Well, then, go you into hell?

Beatrice: No, but to the gate; and there will the devil meet

me like an old cuckold, with horns on his head, and

say 'Get you to heaven, Beatrice, get you to

heaven; here's no place for you maids" Act II Scene I

"I am no bird, and no net ensnares me; I am a free human being with an independent will, which I now exert to leave you." Jane Eyre, Charlotte Bronte

There's only one bed trope (x)

Locked in an elevator trope (x)

"Claudio: When you went onward on this ended action,

I look’d upon her with a soldier’s eye,

That liked, but had a roughter task in hand

Than to drive liking to the name of love" Act I Scene I

"Don John:I had rather be a canker in a hedge than a rose in

his grace" Act I Scene III

"Don John: ..I cannot hide

what I am: I must be sad when I have cause and smile

at no man’s jests, eat when I have stomach and wait

for no man’s leisure, sleep when I am drowsy and

tend on no man’s business, laugh when I am merry and

claw no man in his humour" Act I Scene III

"Don Pedro: Your silence most offends me, and to be merry best

becomes you; for, out of question, you were born in

a merry hour.

Beatrice: No, sure, my lord, my mother cried; but then there

was a star danced, and under that was I born." Act II Scene I

"Leonato: Daughter, remember what I told you: if the prince

do solicit you in that kind, you know your answer." Act II Scene 1

"...it is by no means certain that another offer of marriage may ever be made to you" - Mr Collins, Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen

Kenneth Branagh falling through the deckchair (youtube)

The Paint Scene (youtube)

On the Road, Jack Kerouac - I couldn't find the gifset we mentioned, give us a shout if you find it!

"Beatrice:...O God, that I were a man! I would eat his heart

in the marketplace" Act IV Scene I

RIP to X but I'm different (meme)

"Leonato: ...my brother hath a daughter,

Almost the copy of my child that’s dead." Act V Scene I

"Benedick: I do love nothing in the world so well as you: is

not that strange?" Act IV Scene I

What else are we reading/watching this week?

The Lord of the Rings films

The Watchmaker of Filigree Street, Natasha Pulley

A Starless Sea, Erin Morgenstern

The Night Circus, Erin Morgenstern

The Life-Changing Magic Of Tidying, Marie Kondo

Next Time On Teaching My Cat To Read

His Majesty’s Dragon (Temeraire), Naomi Novik

[goharshahi]

New Video: SC • E38: Mutawali e Aala: Fakhr e Insaniyat

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kv1NneP1M70

In Episode 38 of the Elementary Sufi Course, Sufi Master Younus AlGohar reveals the name of the Grand Custodian of Ism e Zaat Allah (God's Personal Name) and explains why Zikar e Qalb (Activation of the Heart) only be granted with His spiritual grace in this era.

Watch and read all material related to the Elementary Sufi Course on http://www.suficourse.com

-----------

➡️This video is a clip from Sufi Online with Younus AlGohar, a daily show on ALRA TV streamed LIVE on YouTube at 10 PM GMT - join us here: https://www.youtube.com/alratv/live

❓Have a question for Sufi Master Younus AlGohar? Text your questions to us on WhatsApp: +44 7472 540642 or Facebook messenger:  http://m.me/alratv

Watch the live recordings of these lectures every day at 22:00 GMT at: http://www.younusalgohar.com

🎥 Find this video on Daily Motion and Soundcloud http://www.dailymotion.com/mehdifound... https://soundcloud.com/younusalgohar/

---

New monthly publications!

The True Mehdi Magazine: http://www.thetruemehdi.com/

Messiah Herald Magazine: http://messiahherald.com/

--- Read more about Sufi Master Younus AlGohar's work against terrorism: www.younusalgohar.org.

📱Social Media Instagram: http://instagram.com/alratv https://www.instagram.com/younus_algohar

Twitter: https://twitter.com/AlRa_TV https://twitter.com/mehdifoundation https://twitter.com/MessiahFdn https://twitter.com/younusalgohar

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/alratv/ https://www.facebook.com/HHYounusAlGo...

Websites: http://www.goharshahi.us/ http://www.theawaitedone.com/ http://thereligionofgod.com http://www.younusalgohar.org/

*NEW URDU LANGUAGE WEBSITE* http://www.mehdifoundation.com/

[atvrvxia]

tag dump again because tumblr’s being a b*tch

[shystoryrebel]

LOST WITH THE WAVES

(1)

It happens only with dreamy Indians. Children are the happy dreams of their parents. To fulfill their dreams, I had obtained B.Tech., degree in Computer Engineering, from I.I.T... After B.Tech. I acquired masters’ degree in Management from I.I.M... After working for few years in India, like any other Indian, I joined a multinational company in USA.

America is now treated as a dream country especially in India. It is the cherished dream of every Indian to touch the soil of that dreamy land, the land of braves, patriots and vast opportunities. Americans are born with three Ts in their mind; TRY---for better future; TRUE---To your nation, religion and work; TRUST---in God and self. So in my case also that long cherished dream had come true. My parents were very happy on this achievement.

Every entry point has an exit point, so I resolved to make my exit from my dear motherland to enter into the land of dreams as a wonderful experience, with lots of joys and graceful achievements. Here at last I reached a place where I truly deserved and where my merit and talent has got respect. Here I saw a beautiful world, waiting for me. I decided to walk with an aim. Bubbling with happiness and confidence I planned to stay in this country for about five years in which time I hoped to earn enough money to settle down

comfortably back home in India.

We belong to a Brahman priestly family. But my father did not have any interest in our traditional profession because in our country it was almost a

(2)

secular and intellectual fashion to abuse and curse Brahmans and Brahman priests. In some states like Jammu & Kashmir and Tamilnadu, Brahmans are treated worse than slaves and animals. He generally used to recite this poem;

BRAND NAME

God send me on the earth, an innocent being,

Untouched by the black and white doing,

But the world branded me as a Brahmin,

And a curse fallen on this urchin,

A child of lesser God,

The entire honor was forbidden to this pod.

Education, help, livelihood;

All was snatched by Robin Hood,

Some branded it as social equality,

But it was state cruelty,

Others’ called it secular passion,

But it was ugly repression,

All the isms kill human rights,

They are the Janus face of racial might.

As a result of this scenario my father preferred to be a teacher. As honesty, hard work, patriotism and Sanskars were in his blood which he inherited from his parents. He could not do much for his family and his economic condition remained grim through out his life. Only after his retirement he could purchase an ordinary one bedroom flat in a slum type locality. More over he had to pay hefty bribe to government babus to get his day today work done in government offices. Even still he has to pay bribe to get his PF and other dues cleared and get his monthly pension from the same department which he served for thirty five years. But ambitions could not touch him. He believed in,” When nails are growing, we cut nails, when ambition is growing; we cut ambition but maintains relations and character.

I wanted to do much more than my nationalist father. I wanted to earn and earn like secular leaders of the country. But in AmericaI could not adjust comfortably and started homesick and lonely as the time passed. My patriotism and love to my roots always troubled me there on the foreign soil. Moreover in America, Indians were not treated respectfully. As upper castes Hindus are insulted and abused in India, in the same manner Indians are treated in America as a community who are there only to mint fast bucks only,

come what way. There too I saw each heart had pain, only the way of

expressions were different; some hide it in tears in their eyes while others’ hide it behind their beguiling smile.

(3)

I used to call my parents almost once a week using low cost international phone sim cards. In this manner three years passed and my contract with my employer was over but my employer extended my contract for another three

years as in Americaperson is recognized by merit, talent and work where as in India quota castes, minority religion, language and region are recognized and not the merit, talent and work.

Another one year passed on burgers, pizzas, chowmin, potato chilies etc... Years and months passed, watching foreign currency rates and getting happier whenever the value of Indian rupee went down. One thing I learnt from Americans that getting upset would not help. Always getting up, to set the things right.

The problem of marriage always was a big issue for my aging parents. Finally I decided to get married and gave nod and told my parents that I had

only ten days of holidays and everything must have to be settled down within these ten, very important ten days of my life. I got my ticket booked to Indiain the cheapest economic class. I was on seventh cloud and was actually trying to purchase gifts from the cheap duty free shops, for all my relatives and friends back home. If I fail to do follow this custom, there will be talks because in India it is believed, if one is in America, he must be rolling in money. Right from the babu at the airport to the dancing terror eunuchs, this great Indialoot is a part of life.

After reaching India, I spent some time at home with my parents. All the time we all were involved scanning photographs of girls and as the time was very short I was almost forced to select a girl as my future life partner. Bride’s side was in much more hurry as they did not want to let out this America settled son-in-law. They told that I had to get married within three-four days. After the marriage, my departure time to U.S.A.was very close. After giving some money to my parents I again had to leave Indiaand requesting my relatives and neighbor friends to look after my parents. We both returned to U.S.A.

In the beginning my wife was very happy in America and she enjoyed her stay here. But after some time she started feeling lonely. Her frequency of calling her parents, back home in Indiaincreased and sometimes almost everyday. As a result of her extravagant nature my savings started vanishing rapidly. I tried to get some job for her but I failed and could not arrange a job for her. She used to receive wise upbraiding from her parents especially from

her mother every day. In my case it was very true, “If the first button of your shirt is wrongly stitched, all the rest will definitely be crooked. So always be careful on your first step, success will automatically follow you”.

(4)

Although she was Ph.D from Gazab Singh University, India, but to my horror I came to know that she was not capable even to write a letter. All her degrees were almost manipulated through corrupt methods. Her father was a judge and her mother was a professor in Gazab Singh University, India. She boosts of guiding forty five, Ph.D.s to her credit, through lifting, scissoring and pasting methods. This university was notoriously famous for selling fake degrees.

In this way two more years passed, and we were blessed with two lovely kids, a daughter Ganga and a son Brahmputra. Every time I rung to my parents, they asked me to come to Indiaso that they could see their grand children before their eyes are closed for ever. But work pressure coupled with difficult monetary conditions, I could not visit India. Months and years passed and visiting India to see my aging parents was a distant dream.

Then one day at around mid-night, my phone rang and I got a message that my father was seriously ill. I tried to get leaves but failed to get the leaves sanctioned, to go to India. The next message I got was the death of my father. As there was no one to perform the last rites, the close relatives helped by the neighbors performed the last rites.

The death of my father shattered me and I was badly depressed. My father passed away without had a glimpse of his grand children.

One day he came to me to meet me in my dream and cried at me:

MY FATHER AND THE CURSE OF MY NATION

I

I heard my heavenly father, last night,

What is your dear nation’s curse? Write

And throw it beyond Himalayas, high,

I trembled, collecting my father’s sigh.

I can’t do, my dear father!

There are many curse but ask my brother.

I am pressed by love and patriotism.

The voice shouted to shun hypnotism.

My father’s word in mind,

Generated radiant and vigor in side.

(5)

II

Tender little hands of children begging in streets,

Brutal and intoxicated fathers musing in fleets.

Donors giving through misty doors,

This is unknown to fair floors.

For right of freedom, this crowns,

The rogues as lords in Parliament frown.

Tears in eyes, I cried, patriotism means,

Self interest, corruption and rotten dreams.

As honest and intelligent have lost their claim,

Corrupt touching glory and nation in drain.

III

Secular cry breeding fanatic name,

Social justice prospering caste chain,

Tainted rulers dance while enemy conspire,

Brave soldiers are fried on crying pyre,

Jihadi killers dance while innocent cry,

Bloody red hidden in white to rob every pie,

Alter decorated with anarchic laws,

To strangulate the weak and just with claws,

There my father cried in terse,

Shall thou write my nation’s curse?

IV

Now modern women have only know,

To cheat hearts with tears false below

And swap bed every day and night,

Every right is wrong and wrong right.

Framed racial and communal laws,

To bestow trump powers to our foes,

Here wise man choose to silence,

And fools throw tantrums on their glance,

Where unmerited groups laugh at your gate,

Merit is scorned and measured without weight.

V

As you turn your body to side,

Met with foul tradition and conscience tide,

Power shines with mirth deadlier best,

All this I wrote to mourn the test.

This is the curse, open to all to read,

Go with ill doers, my father cried

And furl your flag with sick brewers,

Now cannot be changed a new,

Six decades of ill governance,

Has dried and sucked all fragrance.

(6)

VI

With heart sinking and tears in eyes,

Death can change this entire fry,

Otherwise rot will go on,

With all my blessings to you to worn,

Saddened to leave you alone here,

As I cannot be no more with you there,

Left crying in a cruel winter evening,

Twenty years have passed by mourning,

His sudden march to the kingdom of death,

Left we orphaned as a traveler without sheath.

VII

That mighty soul, sober, cool and austere,

Must be shining in some unknown sphere,

Enjoyed his shadow as wise banyan keeps boughs under,

Here he was to beat the storms and not to flounder,

Helping and guiding the masses in need,

With a happy and honest hand indeed,

True servant of Almighty in this world wild,

Goddess Saraswati seated on tongue with message mild,

Such souls loved and needed in ages all abound,

Pray to Master to reincarnate him again around.

Three, four years passed. I decided to return to Indiaand to settle down there. This decision was not appreciated by my children but my wife was very happy on this decision. I started to look for a good and affordable property. But now here Dr. Man Mohan Singh was the Prime Minister and to my shock my savings and pocket were much short and the price of property gone up very high during all these years. I had to again return to the USA.

But this time my wife was very intelligently tutored by her mother. She was not ready to come back to USAwith me nor was ready to live with my aged mother. On the other hand I and my children were not ready to live in India under these circumstances. I, with my two children returned to USA after promising my mother and wife to come back within three years. Every thing about our future was uncertain but God has arranged every thing for our tomorrow. You just have to trust Him. He grants us the power to accept things you cannot change.

Time passed by and my daughter decided to get married to an American on her own. Neither due to financial constrains, my wife nor could my mother join us to bless our daughter. My son was happy living in USA because he was very comfortable with American life style. Suddenly I received the news of the death of my mother due to heart failure.

(7)

Now I was fed up with this type of life. It was enough and decided to wound up every thing and returned to India. Relationship is like fragrance, you can never touch it but you feel it. Now I had just enough money to buy a decent three room flat in a posh colony in India.

With this vagabond type of life I became sixty years old. Beaten from all sides I became highly religious and a regular visitor to the near by temple. My faithful wife was still living with her parents. She was not ready to leave me nor was ready to leave her parents. I was a cash card to her and her family. As her father was a judge he knew the hazards of filing and settling divorce cases. So my wife was happy living as a married lady but her parents’ daughter, financing her rogue brother by the money I used to send

her as a peace package. She was like Stephen Blackpool’s wife in Charles Dickens’ Hard Times:

TRUANT DAUGHTER IN LAW

Always play truant and abhors all in laws,

A knotty bride, slamming doors,

A perverse father’s tricky daughter,

Floats in muddy and shallow water.

Guided and guarded by,

Inhuman Taliban laws,

Branding man’s race,

As savage and subhuman.

Men in khaki and gown black,

Are suitors dear?

But never gave respect to,

Her elder in laws.

Rude and twisted to caring in laws,

Direct from honeymoon cracked

Whips on these helpless fellows.

At school her report card noted as spoiled child.

Decked and jacked in false glitters,

Children she mothered,

Narrate tales awful and deadly,

Never taught children with milky hymns.

Children never impressed by her dear mother,

But never learnt to slam the door.

Her funeral was performed sacredly,

Mentioned her virtues in tone false.

(8)

But all and sundry present there,

Dwelled her vices in hushed detail,

She was a bandit queen,

In garb of bridal make up.

Again another mishap happened in my life. Papa’s daughter, but my faithful wife also left me high and dry and gone to the last abode from where no body returns. Now I started wondering the meaning of life. Is it worth all this? My father, even after staying in this country as a poor teacher, had a house to his name but he never was alone. I too have the same, nothing more. But I have lost every thing, my parents, my wife, my children, my mental peace and near and dear ones. Life is like onion which has many layers of relationships. If you do not cut it adds taste to life but if you cut it, you will get tears only.

Looking out from the balcony I see a lot of boys and girls riding on bikes and dancing. This modernization and liberty has spoiled our new generation and these children have no values in life. I get occasional greeting cards from my children on different days. I wanted to cry, I wanted to hug some one dear, but no dear ones were around. You cannot hug yourself, you cannot cry on your own shoulder; perhaps life is all about for living others. So live with those who love you, not with those whom you love. World’s happiest relations never have the same nature. They just have the best understanding of their difference, which we missed in our life.

Now perhaps I will also die and my neighbors again will be performing my last rites. God bless them. At least this one thing is still there that at least last rites are performed with full honors. But again the question remained unanswered, is life all this worth? A failed son, who could not serve his parents, when they need him most, a failed husband, who could not be with his wife, a failed father, who could not continue the legacy of a family…and a failed Indian who could not serve his nation. Whatever life throws at us: it will be easier to comfort if we feel loved.

My children and the grand children will not realize this pain and pain of losing my culture for ever and for ever-----is it really worth so many souls alienated. On a one fateful morning I was reading the divine Bhagavad Gita. My phone rang. From the other side I was overwhelmed to listen the sweet voice of my dear son, hello papa, can you give me an appointment to bless your grand child, mothered by a close friend of mine, means born out of wed lock.

Shocked, I sank into the chair on which my father used to sit and teach. Slowly and slowly darkness gripped me, perhaps I shall never be able to give an appointment to bless my grand child and its mother. But my question remained unanswered; was life worth this? With this I lost somewhere and sagged down.

📷

etad yonīni bhūtāni sarvānī’ty upadhāraya

aham krtsnasya jagatab prabhavah pralayas tathā

Know that all beings have their birth in this. I am the origin of all in this world and its dissolution as well. All things are dissolved in me.

(The Bhagavad Gita, Ch.VII. Sl.-6 (Trans.))

[elm-and-oak]

aphrodite artemis eros hades hephaestus hera hermes pan poseidon

Thank you, Anon! These were thought provoking. 

Aphrodite: The trait I find most attractive in another person is kindness. I do not mean the sort of kindness that turns someone into a doormat but the kindness that is deliberate and given with both hands. I am attracted to sensitivity toward others who deserve it not sensitivity toward others without limit. That is the crucial difference between the kind of kind person I find attractive and the kind I do not. 

I always have the feeling that people who scatter kindness around are pleasant but passing, but people who give one kindness are rare and there to stay for longer. There is a specific care that comes in giving a strong emotion to another person as opposed to giving it to everyone all the time. It is a thoughtfulness that humbles one and can only be met with a thank you (and the sinking feeling that those words cannot express the gratitude one feels). Very specifically they are saying: “you are special to me” or “I love you” or “you are not alone.” No amount of intellect without kindness endears a person to me. Conversely, I find that people who are kind in this way are often the smartest people I meet. A person with the combination of a good heart and good mind is gorgeous. 

Artemis: I enjoy animals in general. In a pet shop I have to visit the finches, the ferrets, the cats, and the snakes. Cats are my favourite if I must pick an animal. Certain personal characteristics between us only bring us closer. Something about sunny windows and having a space to cosy up to someone we adore… 

Of all animals I think they are the most beautiful from their ears to their claws. There is so much grace in the way a cat exists that no human could rival it. A cat’s body adapts to the position that suits it and even when moving at cat moves as freely as water. Jumping is the most awkward movement, yet cats make it look like nothing at all. On the other hand is the pure abandon in the way cats play–they are lost in the moment and it does not matter who is watching. Perhaps the combination of grace and silliness endears them to me. Cats can be great friends and can teach me a lot about living well. 

Coincidentally, I would name my cat Artemis. 

Eros: I think this would be interesting if my followers were to answer for me. I can confirm or deny their thoughts. 

Hades: I do not believe in life after death. I would be horrified if that was the case and would probably try to commit a type of spiritual suicide (in vain probably) to avoid the agony of sentience for eternity. One life is enough: the fact that it is limited emphasises its value it, the value of the good people in my life, and motivates me to act to make the best. That which is finite is that which is best. 

Hephaestus: I am uncertain about this question. It is an important one, but I cannot speak for something as personal and different individually as relationships and disabilities except to say that a relationship depends on a number of variables. I can say that one ought to have open dialogues (more than one, plenty of revisiting) and see if the relationship can progress in a way that is healthy for the couple involved. 

Hera: I am distrustful toward all -isms including feminism. Having spent my undergraduate studies in the North American humanities, let me share a few lessons. My answer is long because I have been thinking, troubled, about this question for a long time. I am certain that I finally found the words and need to purge my thoughts.

One is subverted to an official stance because all -isms speak a specific set of beliefs into being. One must sacrifice a measure of individuality to belong, and that often includes critical thinking. Letting other people think for one and giving up individuality are sacrilege.  

Beware of groups that say they seek one’s liberation or empowerment; they really want you to think as they do and thus count you as a member. One is one more following body. They want you to believe their us v. them distinction and to use it. This often leads to a wealth of needless blind hatred and self-satisfaction.

Postmodern feminism is obsessed with bodies, images, identities–the most superficial elements of human beings. While these are important to one’s wholeness as a person and deserve attention, they must coexist with deeper development. Love your body, nurture your body, nurture your mind, love your mind, nurture your logic, love your logic, love your heart, nurture your heart…etc. There is no balance between all that makes up a true human being–just a fetishistic and nihilistic focus on bodies and presentations.

I encountered a surprising level of infantalisation and victimhood in feminist circles. Again, be wary of groups that peddle in liberation and empowerment. These are the mechanisms by which they subvert you to their set of beliefs. They weaken one rather than uplift one, but they give the illusion of uplifting one. The unseeing weak are easiest to lead. True free strength lies in belonging to nothing, accumulating bits and pieces of wisdom, and seeking one’s own way. One must own one’s life and the choices one must make; that is the only way to live.

Ergo, feminism presently falls prey to many of the general problems with -isms with a few major problems specific to it and its philosophic underpinnings (Marxism, postmodernism). I have written this far about feminism in its incarnation 2012 to 2018 generally.

That said, I have met plenty of present day feminists who are gentle and truly want what is best for themselves and others. I do not attribute this to their following deeply any feminist ideologies but to their cultivating good hearts and good minds. Theirs almost deserves to be called “light feminism” due to the idealised values that motivate them but not the deeper theory and discourse. They seem to combine these idealised values with their own individual ways of thinking, feeling, and acting. For these people I have respect and would count them as good friends.

I have never met a feminist immersed deeply in the ideologies, man or woman, who was not hateful, uncritical, nihilistic, and self-righteous. It is almost as if any group of people with a set of beliefs supplant the individual ability to be a full individual. How blind and angry they are. I resent them for contributing hatred and divisiveness to a world already too dark–for the wretched goal of feeding their egos and masking their insecurities. For them I lack respect and would call them no friends of mine and no friends of humanity in general. It is a shame there are so many in the humanities and in positions of authority where they can create more of their kind. They have written the epitaph of the humanities on this continent.  

Hermes: “Please do! Have a good night.“

Pan: I think gay rights are positive. I do not think another human being should be shut away because they happen to love others in a way that is particular to themselves. Love, to be brief and general, is the expressed wholesome cherishing of another human being. Anyone capable of that deserves to be treated as the good person they are. They deserve to love as they love and to have the full rights accorded them by nature and the law. Nature and the law should provide the only boundaries to a good human being regardless of sexual or romantic orientation. I do not think that something like sexual orientation determines moral orientation.

Aside: my problem lies in the community itself. The community is toxic in surprising ways: hierarchies, hypersexuality, proving oneself, abuse, divisiveness, erasure… all immature nonsense. It is an aside given that this question is about gay rights, but it is a thought worth mentioning (one that troubles me on the topic of LGBT people).  

Poseidon:   I fear living an unexamined life, hurting the people I love, and becoming someone I hate. I speak from experience. Please note that love has a few degrees and can be romantic as well as friendly.