#∘⡊ ☾ ˚ ‣ 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 : kiara carrera

[storminmyveins-archived]

"please don't be in love with someone else." Kie to Rafe

He remembers the first time he met Kiara ; that weekend that Sarah was insistent on having her over. Rose told her 'no' a few times, but all she had to do was beg to Ward and suddenly they were having company that day. Being the odd one out in more ways than one he kept from the girls and let them do what they were going to do but from the moment his eyes fell on her he knew.

Her hair with lose curls that fell around her face no matter how hard she tried to tame them with the hair tie she wore against her wrist with the number of leather and beaded bracelets. Her shirt , one of those souvenir airbrushed shirts with her name and 'save the turtles' underneath a cartoony looking turtle with large eyes and a doofy smile. The colors were faded, which told Rafe that must have been her favorite shirt along with the hole in the collar. Her turquoise pants that hung loose from her legs with large pockets that she and Sarah shoved a number of sea shells into from along the shore line. He remembers how they'd annoyingly clank against each other when they ran by. Rafe also remembers the ugly flip flops she wore that she kept losing off of her feet until she finally decided she'd run around barefoot instead.

He remembers how they would laugh, and Kie's would stand out over Sarah's. It was louder, happier, somehow more genuine and when she said 'hi' to him it was friendly on it's own merit. Not simply because he's Sarah's brother.

He also remembers the very moment he looked at this girl and thought that he could love her if he was ever given the chance. Something he never thought would happen because why would it? Sure, he's Rafe Cameron but that holds different meaning to different people and he wasn't sure which side of the fence she sat on.

Not until now when he sits with his head in her lap, looking up at her as she speaks those words to him.

" Unlikely. " Rafe smiles. " Kie, there is no way I could ever be in love with anyone else. You are one of a kind and I'd be a fucking fool if I let you go for someone else. "

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" Have I ever steered you wrong before, Kie? " He hopes she doesn't actually answer that because he already knows the answer to it. He knows he has, but his ideas are not always that bad. They're just not always that good. " We won't die. At least I'm 76 percent sure we won't."

A plan. A plan. JJ was not the best at plans, it was notoriously terrible when he came up with a plan. "Something stupid? How STUPID are we talking? It's not going to get us killed is it?"

[storminmyveins-archived]

Feelings for JJ started ... well, truth is she can't remember when. She just knows they've been there. And what they have is unlike anything else she's ever felt before. While the whole gang had been ride or die with one another and at one point she had feelings for each of them nothing could compare to the feelings she has for JJ. Nothing.

So when he says that he knows he should leave she shakes her head, grabs his hand and pulls him close to her. " More of a reason for you to stay, don't you think ?" she asks, her head slightly tilted. " Don't leave. Just stay. "

"I know I should leave, but I can't stay away from you." ( jj to kiara! ) @clairelilcorner

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Their history had jagged pieces, none of which fit the puzzle anymore. It's safe to say that it'd be easy to inflict a cut or two with the remnants of what they once had. It isn't to say that it once wasn't special as it always is at the start.

But now ? The 'what ifs' are tainted with a darkness with no cracks of light in it.

Whatever it was that closed that chapter for them closed it tight. Yet as he watches her from the other side of the room he can't help but feel a familiar feeling. That flicker of happiness he had with her that seems to slowly be fading out the longer time goes on. It's not the same and he knows it -- and chances are it'll never be the same again. So he pushes through and forces a smile ; cocky as it is.

" Still playing pretend, Kiara ? " he asks. " I don't get it, you have the whole world at your fingertips and you choose..." He glances toward her new group of friends. " - them."

our muses are exes on bad terms (for Kie and Rafe??) @fullpcgue

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It's not the first time he's heard the first part of that statement. The second part is what takes him by surprise. " Yeah ? " He asks, a side smirk on his lips before blowing smoke from his half finished cigarettes. " That's a new one. " He lets her know with a quick flick of his brows upward. " The fun part, not the making shit difficult." He flicks ashes away.

" That first part, that's attached to the Gallagher name."

"You have a tendency to make things more difficult...yet more fun." (from Kie for Lip) @fullpcgue

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There was this feeling in his gut that was just a sudden onset. Was it out of nowhere, or was there a build up to that moment in which he finds himself at John B's house looking at Kiara with JJ. Arms wrapped around each other, lips on each other and he's left standing there watching this display feeling like a fucking idiot.

The idiot everyone claims he is ; she just proved that to be right didn't she? Even as she says it's not what it looks like Rafe's blue eyes go wide with disbelief. " Really ? " He laughs, but it's so disheartening, hollow.

" Not what it looks like ; well then explain to me, Kiara what it is because I don't see what else this could possibly be." The hurt is there in his words, in his eyes as he looks at her the way he does. He's hurt people it's true and people have hurt him. But he truly thought she would be the last person to ever do that. And yet she's just inflicted a pain worse than anything he's ever felt. He can feel it in his chest and in his lungs. As though they're tightening unable to function correctly.

This is when he would move quick and launch his fist into JJ's face but he doesn't move. There was too much effort into getting better, getting his shit in order and with her help he managed to keep it going. But this display in front of him he can feel the cracks in the foundation starting to grow wider and yet he still doesn't act. Go back to that place? Oh, it's tempting even as he sees JJ's smug face sitting on that couch.

Then she asks him -- that's classic -- ask him what he means about her having a type. He shakes his head and forces a laugh even if it hurts to do so. " Yeah, you have a type." He motions to JJ. " And it's not me. "

Tongue to teeth he shakes his head as he steps back, his hands up in defeat. " It's whatever, Kie. " but it wasn't just whatever. There is a love for her there ; one he got brave enough to express to her and now he can feel it breaking off piece by piece and it's sharp edges leaving cuts as they fall away.

@unitcd continued from here. ;)

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She can take her guess on which it is, JJ doesn't confirm or deny either one of those things when she states them. ❝ Or - ❞ He grins. ❝ - I just don't feel like driving. " but the grin seems hollow as he gets himself into the passenger seat. He knows that Kie knows him, so stating something as such isn't going to be swept under the rug even though he may be wishing for such right now.

❝ Let's just go.❞ He pulls his hat down over his face, not to block out the sun but to block out any look she might be giving him due to the itty bitty fib he may have said about why he has refused to be the one in the driver's seat.

❝ Can't believe you'd suggest I'm old. ❞

@clairelilcorner continued from here , ft. Kie

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" Pretty much. " He says as he looks back at her. " It's not to say you don't deserve shit like that Kie. You deserve whatever you want. If it's flowers it should be flowers but I can't. " he shakes his head. But he does reach over and carefully poke at the necklace around her neck with a faint smile. " I can do that though." And then he carefully takes her chin in his hand and turns her face toward his, kissing her softly against her lips. " And that. "

Maybe one day he could come to her door with flowers and it mean something. Not an apology or a cop out but something just to make her smile if she ever needed it. But right now it's still something else to work through, and for him to keep washing Ward out of his personality.

When he begins to speak again, Kiara listens. "So, flowers are just a cop out." She concludes. Maybe in that family they are, so that's fair. She won't hold it against him, especially not after what he tells her next.

"She told her friends how ugly they were?" Rose had always been a bitch, but that's just over the line when a twelve year old is trying to do something NICE when they don't have to. "Okay, so I won't be expecting any flowers from you and John B is going to get a piece of my mind, don't worry about that either." She shakes her head. They were beautiful, though, she wonders where he got them from.

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" Then what ? We just pretend for...?" He asks. " As long as you want to keep this under wraps? I get it, Kie, I get it. But they're going to find out sooner or later. "

"Okay, so I'm lying. What's your point?" She asks. "I can't just go out there and tell people that I suddenly don't hate your guts anymore."

[storminmyveins-archived]

How does he tell her he doesn't want to give her flowers ; that he doesn't do flowers. How does he tell her why he doesn't think that flowers are a gift to give. If he can't tell Kie , then what do they have? He's already been open with her about everything else.

" Ward gets Rose flowers when he fucks up. Big things, little things, he gets her flowers. She says she loves them, puts them in a vase and she leaves them to die. Each time, they just die. He fucks up, he does it again. " he moves his hand to motion a cycle that seems to just go on.

" Even one time I got her flowers, mother's day. But they were from me. She smiled, said thank you, then told one of her friends how ugly and stupid they were. I was twelve. So flowers...they're not my thing."

Okay, so John B was just as much of a dumbass for sending the flowers, but he proved a point. "Are you? - - - You almost just had a tantrum over thinking someone sent me FLOWERS."

There's a pause, waiting for him to say something else before she does. "Is it because you don't think about it or because you don't want to? There's a difference." Kie crosses her arms over her chest and she flares her nostrils.

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He should have known that John B would pull some shit -- he was not okay with how close he and Kie had gotten. He drags his hand down his face and looks at Kiara , shaking his head. " I'm sorry. " but asking if he's that jealous he goes silent for a moment and then shrugs.

" Yeah, okay? I'm jealous. I'm jealous that I know you can do so much better and I know I'm not the guy who is going to give you flowers and shit. So yeah, I'm jealous. "

"What the Hell, Rafe?" She pushes him back from her. "The flowers are from John B." Kie shakes her head. "Are you really that DENSE? He did it just to piss you off and it looks like it worked. Are you really that jealous?"

[storminmyveins-archived]

If Maybank dared to say shit right now Rafe would not hesitate to rearrange his face. Sure, he's trying to turn over that new leaf but right now is not the time for him to gloat or even attempt an apology -- though Rafe is certain he'd never get one from him. Sure, he doesn't deserve it for the shit he's done. But to have Kie hurting him be his karma?

That's a bullshit play even for the universe.

He let himself have something good and he let himself fall into it. Totally, completely. What a fool he had been. He should have stepped into it with more caution. Or maybe not at all.

She says she's sorry but he shakes his head. "Not sorry enough." He mutters, raking his hand through his hair.

" I don't want your apologies, Kie. I don't want anything from you. " He's no longer sounding angry. Just hurt and it shows in his features as he looks at her. She didn't have to love him back the way he did her ; he would have just settled for her caring about him. But did she when she was with JJ? Did she even think about how this would hurt him even once? Or was she just so swept away into it that he didn't cross her mind until his name lit up her phone or he came over to pick her up?

Was he just an afterthought to her like he felt like he was to everyone else ?

No matter what she said to the contrary he couldn't believe it. Not now.

" I'm sorry I ruined your night." That's when he turns to go, stepping away from Kie and turning his back so she doesn't see the complete devastation written on his face.

He really thought she had his back. He really thought he had someone in his corner. He really thought, for once, someone saw him.

Saying it out loud only added to the dumpster fire that was currently burning out of control. Thank God that JJ was staying silent on the couch, because Kie knew if he opened his mouth, that this would get a whole lot uglier.

"I did it. I did." She isn't trying to deny it. She wants to ask him if he's ever loved someone before and realized it a little too late, but she knows that's going to make things so much worse. "I can't take it back."

She tells him to leave, but he's not leaving. . . so is there a shred of hope? "Fuck. . ." She breathes when he tells her that the girl that he thought he knew wasn't real. "I am real, but I have - - - so many flaws." She states.

If calling her a fucking pogue didn't hurt, the next words out of his mouth carved her heart straight out of her chest. He loved her. She feels this sickening nausea begin to swirl in her stomach when he says it not once, but twice. Kiara had taken this guy and she'd broken him even more.

Now he has tears rolling down his cheeks and Kie physically chokes back a sob. "Rafe - - -." She keeps trying, she keeps reaching out for him, but why should he accept her advances when she's the one that inflicted this kind of pain onto him in the first place? She is the reason he's hurting. "I am so sorry. I never meant for things to get out of hand. I should have stopped it." But she hadn't. "I'm so sorry for breaking your heart."

She can't say that she was in love with him, she never was. She liked him a LOT, yes, but there was always something stopping her in the back of her mind, always something telling her not to get too deep. She wonders if it's because of JJ, or if it's because of his past, but either way she's done a fine job of fucking things up.

If she had known that he felt this way, if she could have known he'd let the walls come down around his heart - - - and for her, then she could have fallen in love with him. Maybe she just was never honest enough with herself, thinking that he was going to slip up and fall back into his old ways and give her an excuse to leave without too much hurt. . . Fuck. She never actually gave him a real chance, and he had tried so damn hard for her. He was right. She was on her high horse and she was looking down at everyone, including him. . . she just hadn't realized it until this moment.

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There is only so much new life that gets breathed into this part of town, but Kie has proven herself to be someone to bring excitement. For Lip he couldn't help but be drawn in to the allure of her. Maybe because south side life hasn't tainted her like it has a lot of people around here. She does have chances she could take and she chooses to , for a lack of better term, slum it down with the likes of him. Could just say she's trying to play a part she's not made for but she walks the fucking walk.

It's not all talk with her and damn, he is enjoying that walk in more ways than one.

Plus she doesn't play that shy and coy bullshit, which is something he's never gone for. She's straight forward. Lip simply grins at Kie.

"I'll make sure to keep it interesting for you, wouldn't want you to get bored."

"I am." She says. She doesn't bother with beating around the bush or trying to act like she's not into him. She has the feeling that confidence and surety will work better in her favor with this guy. He's got the vibe that he's going to be the best kind of challenge. But, then again, she's always had a thing for diamonds in the rough. And maybe, if she's being honest with herself, he reminds her of home. Of her friends. Of everything she can't have.

But she could have him. Well, she's got a fair shot at it. If he wants her, that is.

She's not sure if Lip's the kind of boy she'd ever take home. She can already imagine the things her parents would say about him. The idea of her with a boy like that would probably make their heads spin. They thought they were in the clear, that's what Chicago was supposed to be. But she can't help what, or who, she likes. And, God, does she like him.

"I don't mind." She almost wants to kick herself at the tone of her voice. She's not being shy by any means, but she also hadn't intended to make it so obvious that she's sweet on him. But she kind of can't help it. Not if the smile playing at her lips is any indication.

[storminmyveins-archived]

A month. A whole month and he had no clue. He had no clue that the woman he was falling in love with was with another guy. He's felt like a fucking fool a lot of times in his life but this is taking the cake and throwing it back in his face.

Does he mean it? He knows he doesn't it but he is trying to cut her the way she has made him hurt. He wants it to hurt just as much , even a little bit will do in this moment. But as she snaps at him for what he says he lifts his hand.

" No. You don't get to pull that shit with me, Kiara. You don't get to throw it back at me. You're the one sneaking around behind my back for a month to be with him. You're not proud, but you did it and you did it for a god damn month."

He can feel his jaw clench tight as he drags his hands over his face and steps back from her but he doesn't walk away. His feet are telling him to get the hell out, shit, even his head is screaming it but his heart seems to keep him tethered right here.

If her heart is breaking too, then good he thinks. She knows what it's like to give something so vulnerable to someone, so fragile to just have them crush it within a matter of moments.

" You made your choice. Because if I was something you wanted you wouldn't have done this. The Kie I thought I knew...I guess she wasn't real. " he bites his lip and shakes his head.

" I loved you. I fucking...I loved you. You say I'm not stupid but right now I feel like the dumbest fucking man alive. And I never thought it'd be you to make me feel like that." he takes a shaky breath.

" We're done." And he doesn't notice that when he says those words he's got tears stinging his cheeks.

Her eyes are fluttering as she stands there and listens to what Rafe is saying. Her heart felt like it was lodged in her throat. She knows what what she's been doing is wrong, she knows it. . . she should have never kissed JJ, she shouldn't have let him convince her that they could keep it a secret because she was pretty fucking convinced that they were doing a good job of keeping it under wraps.

"Rafe. . ." Her voice can barely be heard as he steps back and away from her outstretched arms. "I know." She knows that he would be here for her, or well . . . would have been, now." You're - - - you're not stupid." She's afraid now, afraid that he's going to go off the edge and it's all because of her. "A month. . ." She answers him, not being able to meet his eyes because that look that she sees on his face right now is crushing her.

"Rafe, don't. . ." And then he hits her with the line that makes her flip and her entire body tenses. "You don't mean that." She snaps at him. "You're just angry with me, and I get it. I deserve that." Kiara's brows furrow and she tries to take another step toward him before she feels like her body is turned to stone.

He can have you.

He can have you.

"He can HAVE me? What am I, a fucking doll?" He pushed her berserk button with that one. "I get it, I hurt you and you hurt me back, right?" Kie swallows. "I'm not proud of this, but if you really think I'm just a FUCKING POGUE princess to be passed around, then turn around and leave and I won't follow you."

The truth is, her heart is breaking. It's true that you don't know what you've got until it's gone. Sure, she and JJ will probably be fine after this, but knowing that she did this to someone who was changing their entire life around, someone that needed her, yeah - - - she's fucked that up real good.

"If there's a chance that I can fix this - --." She doesn't know if it's possible, though. She broke his trust, she's been going behind his back with her bestfriend for a month now and she's been so selfishly enjoying every second of it. . .

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It's funny, isn't it? How things can be one way and then they can be another the next. That was what it felt like with him and Kie. They had titles, sitting on beach chair thrones among friends. The first time he kissed her was the first time he felt anything of that magnitude. And the next thing he knew is that such a good thing he felt was suddenly over. He tried to not let that make him bitter. But toss in a sudden heart break, the heavy weight of responsibilities and expectations and issues no one wanted to believe, Rafe, the King of the Kooks had a downfall and it was none too graceful.

But now he plays it off like it's nothing, that he's not changed and that everything is as it ever was, maybe somehow better. It's delusional, he knows that. It helps.

He hears her words as to why she chooses her company and he scoffs, shaking his head. " Really ? Do they really like you for you? " he asks. " You really think that you don't slip on a different mask when you're in their company to fit in just the same as you claimed to do with us kooks?" Rafe shrugs. "I don't know, Kie. Seems like you're just a queen of making up excuses ; anything to pretend like you've now got some moral high ground over any of us because my sister decided to be stupid. "

Her relationship with Rafe had been an unfortunate side effect of her kook year. He was a byproduct of trying to fit in. Nothing more, nothing less. At least that's what she tries to tell herself.

She was trying so hard to please everyone back then. She was just trying to figure out where she fit into the world, and she just wanted all the fighting at home to stop. So she tried to be the daughter her parents wanted her to be. And it led her down some interesting paths, to say the least.

That year had been a strange year. It turned her into someone she barely recognized. It turned him into the kind of girl who could feel sympathy for Rafe Cameron. Someone who felt for him because his father held him to, sometimes, outrageous standards. Someone who understood what it was like to be willing to do anything to get the approval of one's parents.

She blames her relationship with Rafe on her friendship with Sarah. If it weren't for her then Kie wouldn't have had so much exposure to the Camerons. The sleepovers and the parties, and just regular hanging out after school. It was too much time in that house, and anyone could start microdosing the Cameron kool-aid after spending that much time at Tannyhill.

She hadn't intended to kiss him that first night, but it just kinda happened. And Rafe wasn't unattractive. Sure, he was a bit of an asshole sometimes, and he had his fair share of issues, but he certainly wasn't the worst option in the OBX. At least, she hadn't thought he was at the time.

But she knew they were fundamentally far too different for things to last. They both had strongly held beliefs, but those beliefs were nowhere near the same. They were no match made in heaven, but they were fun while they lasted.

And she can admit to herself that there are times when she actually misses him. Misses the way he looked at her, the way he kissed her. She's mostly convinced that he was only into her because she satisfied one of his kook fantasies. People used to call them the King and Queen of the kooks. And she hated that more than she can admit.

But she knows better now. She knows that the things she misses don't outweigh the things she's glad to be far away from. She thought they'd both grown out of their old bullshit, but she guesses some things never really change.

"I'm not pretending." She says, her voice holding an air of disinterest as she avoids looking at him. She stares straight ahead instead, watching the line move in front of her. "I choose people who don't expect me to be something I'm not. They just want me for me."

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" You're taking me for a challenge ?" well that's flattering isn't it? And it's nice to have someone come around and not just automatically look at his family and their situation and stamp 'trash' on his forehead. Not that they'd be far from wrong about it but it's nice to know that reputation doesn't precede him. And if it is it's walking slowly behind.

A mention of her reputation has Lip giving her a bit of a grin. " I don't do well with parents. " a playful smirk is now present. " So I hope you don't mind - I'd like to find out for myself. "

"What can I say?" She says, shrugging slightly as she looks at him. "I like a challenge."

College parties aren't anything to write home about. They just make her miss the Outer Banks. Even though she has a few years in Chicago under her belt, she thinks she's always going to miss that. Boneyard parties and the pogues. And the weed JJ gets from his cousin. But Chicago has one thing going for it, and she's looking right at him.

"And I have a bit of a reputation for being difficult myself." She says, a smirk pulling at her lips like she's proud of it. And, honestly, she kind of is. "Just ask my parents."