#⁎﹝ ⁱⁿᵇᵒˣ ﹞ —— re: armand vovk + @altarcup. /

[morbyds]

p.: you didn’t really think you were safe, did you?   /   @altarcup​ ᵇʸ   ᵃʳᵐᵃⁿᵈ

safe.   air escaped through my nose without my noticing,   and a strong bitterness lingered on my tongue.   i bit it down,   as i always seemed to,   and offered him a tight smile instead,   as if he of all people should know better than ask.    safety,   to me,   had never been more than a brutal illusion.   i hadn't been safe ever since lestat set his mind on me,   in an unpaved street in new orleans with my blade to my own brother's throat.   i could only ignore that for so long,   even as i gazed into such familiar eyes.   even if it felt like a fully different life.

“    no,   i didn’t. . .    ”       it was an admission of sorts.   the truth was i did not care anymore.   perhaps it was the fear of facing paul in the afterlife,   with the weight of the guilt my mother placed on my shoulders so many decades ago and which i took too gladly,   but i would not condemn myself.   perhaps,   though i would never admit it,   i was still searching for a loophole in the faith that stubbornly crept on me despite how many times it had failed me.        “    did you really think it would matter?    ”