#….. found gortash in the dragon age universe.

[eye-of-yelough]

oh wow i forgot how close Anders stands to Hawke in most of his cutscenes

[defira85]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by @elvenmother thank you!

How many works do you have on AO3? Currently 109

What's your total AO3 word count? Okay WITH THE CAVEAT that I am incapable of writing short fic or ficlets and can only write long fic and have been on AO3 since 2011.... it's 2433956. Yes that is 2.5 million words

What fandoms do you write for? Mostly computer game adjacent - Dragon Age, Mass Effect, Star Wars: The Old Republic, Baldur's Gate 3, Cinders, Critical Role, Avengers (comics verse, not movies), Once Upon a Time, Pirates of the Caribbean, Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Stardew Valley, Touchstarved

Top 5 fics by kudos? Recovery Begins (Finn/Poe), A Safe Port in a Storm (Cullen/Dorian), The Courtship of Dorian Pavus (Cullen/Dorian), The Atonement of Cullen Rutherford (Cullen/Dorian), An Empire's Ransom (Ona'la||Jedi Knight/Thexan)

5. Do you respond to comments? I had a bleak period from about 2019-2022 where I was in a black hole of depression and creativity where I wrote nothing and felt a deep shame every time I got a comment on AO3, so there are people I have never responded to, but otherwise I'm adamant about replying to EVERYONE

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Hmm. It could be Grief, a fic about Arcann observing the bounty hunter performing funeral rites for her dead husband. It might also be A Piercing Little Star, which I wrote for the DA Big Bang in 2013 about Leliana and Warden Bethany. And Ten Years Gone, about a very minor NPC couple from DA2, has a bleak ending

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? I'll be honest, it's Keep Telling Me To Breathe, my Durgetash fic. Purely self indulgent ending there.

8. Do you get hate on fics? Not in a long time, but it used to happen more frequently on Deviant Art and on anonymous kink memes. People were more free about being assholes on LJ because they could do it anonymously. A few on AO3 but again, it's been awhile.

9. Do you write smut? Do I write anything BUT smut lmfao. I mean, yes I do, but I love writing smut, so...

10. Craziest crossover? I'm not much of a crossover gal, the closest I've got at the moment would be some multi-Hawke adventures that I wrote back in my DA2 days where one of my Hawkes was running around in universe with a friend's Hawke

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Touch wood but no, not to the best of my knowledge

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Yes! I've had multiple of my Dragon Age fics translated into Russian

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before? My co-conspirator @sithrightsactivist will confirm yes, and I'm basically a co-writer with @angelicfangirl on her Calli/Arcann (Swtor) fic

14. All time favourite ship? I don't know if I have one? Hnngh. I guess Ona'la/Thexan because he's essentially my OC at this point in time. I can't read other Thexan fics because I'm like, no, that's wrong, he's supposed to be married to Ona'la. And Elissa/Justice makes me feel a lot of very big emotions because I made her to be a garbage person, an outlet for a lot of my own ugly feelings and self worth issues, and yet someone actually fell in love with her and found her worth cherishing as she was and that stunned me. And Durge/Gortash, I know what I like

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Sigh. It's probably my Stardew Valley fic. Or, no matter how many times I try, my Raina Temple/Shara Jenn||Watcher Two fic (SWTOR).

16. What are your writing strengths? I write GREAT smut. And I do phenomenal worldbuilding

17. What are your writing weaknesses? I don't know when to shut up. I can't write short fic to save my life. I don't actually know how people write such tight, careful fics in such a small amount of words

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language? I did it more when I was younger and thought I was being very clever but I know enough now that I know better than to try and butcher other languages like that. I know it reads as clumsy at best to native speakers so I try to avoid it. Unless it's fictional, and then I go ham.

19. First fandom you wrote in? First? Very first? I probably wrote stories about being April O'Neill with the TMNT. I wrote about being batgirl when I was like 8. Otherwise I think it was the Wayfarer Redemption Cycle by Sara Douglass or The Belgariad by David Eddings as a teen

20. Favourite fic you've written? HOW CAN I JUST CHOOSE ONE???? Okay well I'm the most proud of Keep Telling Me To Breathe (BG3) and An Empire's Ransom (SWTOR) changed the trajectory of my life for the better. Also? I'm the only person who's written Justice romance fic, and yes, I do mean Awakenings Justice and not "inside Anders' pretty body" DA2 Justice, so I'll own that

[sunsfade]

OH DRUNKEN GODS OF SLAUGHTER pinterest link 1. pinterest link 2. baldur's gate iii, fantasy universe.

(temporary) summary: istar works as durge, even if there are. some minor differences. in short, post mystra's ""death"" a few centuries back, talos wanted to take over her realm and even pretended, with an avatar, to be the god of wild magic. knowing no god would let him (considering the god of destruction/wind being in charge of magic isnt exactly a good idea), he decided to leave a little gift for her. he created a being from all the magic that was not constrained by the weave, and then sent it faaaar away so that the child would not be found until he needs them. that child being istar. bhaal, when choosing his bhaalspawns, did feel something was different about that one. she was prone to destruction, he felt it, and decided to claim her. he did what he usually does with bhaalspawns, but he. paid special attention to her. she was an interesting weapon, not yet honed but brimming with potential. and he decided she'd be his to wield.

like all bhaalspawns, she grew up with visions, then bloodlust. she brought a certain amount of chaos everywhere she went. despite being apparently human, she did stop to age at some point. she spent some decades with a tribe of elves in a forest named eryri, which she used in order to name herself pre-tadpole. they're the ones who taught her how to control her magic. humans destroyed and set fire to the tribe to steal some of their resources, and in return istar went. bonkers….. she went on a quest for revenge, and killed every person that ever had anything to do with the orders being given, which resulted in basically wiping out a kingdom from existence. (there are legends, now, about that) at that point, bhaal considered her ready and brought her home. slowly but surely, she climbed within the cult. not because she was motivated, but because making these ruthless choices was terribly easy. compared to orin, istar is much more. calculative. her way of killing is absolutely brutal and ruthless but there is always an amount of… choice, in it. she doesn't kill for the sake of killing. she kills with purpose. it is what orin despises about her (the whole thing about. bhaal doesn't care if you kill a king or a pauper. but istar does. because istar craves power. istar craves revenge. istar wants to be in a position where no one can ever bring her grief again) which is how she even got into plotting with gortash in the first place

but istar did bring something with her out of eryri… a small dragon, too young to be a real threat. it was her tether to humanity, in a way, which made it her biggest liability. orin took advantage of that, slaughtered the creature, and it gave her the leverage she needed to take down istar, sending her with a tadpole to moonrise towers. post waking up, istar is. a little bit feral. and i do mean that in every sense of the word, even in the way she acts or moves. even the way she looks bc orin sent her on her way after cutting off most of her hair (that istar kept very long in honor of her tribe's customs) and kressa's torture, which resulted in a certain amount of scars. magically healed, yes, but still visible. anyway. shes very much a wild dog trying to remember that biting barking and growling aren't the only tools she has. sometimes works, sometimes doesnt. during act 1, her answer to everything is using intimidation every step of the way ahdjndkd which is funny when u consider that. 1. shes a 5'2 human. and 2. she's a storm sorceress with a taste for just. using her nails teeth and fists whenever the need arise. and 3. she cant wield a sword or anything bigger than a dagger aghbjdnd hmmm what else? she very much is chaotic neutral, making choices either according to what is best for her or best for her allies. while she has manyyyyy flaws at least shes loyal ig.

important meta:

istar & her magic.

istar & talos.

istar's story is a story of grief.

an evil playthrough?

my canon concerning bhaalspawns.

if you're playing durge too, read this.

an overview of her bg3 verse.

istar after her ascension. (post-game option)

[macgyvertape]

BG3 Act 3 thoughts and liveblog part 7

Yeah I romanced Astarion but funnily enough I find him the least physically attractive of all the companions (except Minsc), especially with his out of place ripped abs. I think its just the way he’s “generically attractive” 

I know there’s a lot I missed especially in act 3 when I hit side quest fatigue and had irl responsibilities. I had no idea about the deep stalk mushroom since I blew up that area in act 1, no idea using Heal revealed special Dark Urge backstory since I usually used health potions. I intentionally didn’t finish finding Dribbles because I found the running around tedious, but I never did anything with the newspaper, post office, or iron flask

Like how the game tells me there's no turning back, so I loaded up my squad with as many fireworks and explosives as they could carry. Astarion, Karlach, and Gale are the final group. I made the choice for Karlach over Lae’zel just because she has unresolved business with Gortash and I need Gale for Counterspell and to use these 20k worth of scrolls I’ve been hoarding.

Ok so Gortash is in the morphic pool but sadly Karlach doesn’t have her own conversation with him. There isn’t any dialogue that leads to combat, so I just had my character attack him and said “theres no we” but sadly Karlach doesn’t seem to have any reaction to killing him here and the quest journal doesn’t acknowledge it. Out of universe I want to finish the game vs getting the cutscene at Wyrm’s rock, in universe I think it's very believable my character would want to kill Gortash when he’s isolated especially to twist the knife when he thought he was about to achieve his alliance. Even without the Urge it doesn’t mean she’s good. 

Using Speak to the Dead on Gortash’s corpse and what answered was Bane, with nothing of Gortash left. Bane said my character “lived for power” which is a true characterization up to a point. That Bane punishes his Chosen for failures in the same way Bhaal would have punished her or how Shar punished Shadowheart, this is just another point reaffirming her view that the god's chosen are pawns.

Wow Astarion is really outspoken where he doesn’t care whether we help The Emperor or Orpheus but he really doesn’t want my character to become a mindflayer. 

Karlach offered to be a mindflayer, and I think my character would have considered it the best of a lot of bad options. Becoming a mindflayer is not something she’s willing to do, especially with how Astarion spoke up against it. Karlach is dying and said she’d rather die than go back to Avernus so this respects her wishes in that. Theres no way my character would trust The Emperor with the netherstones, she didn’t even hand them over to Gortash who was less powerful. My character freed Orpheus, yeah he's mad about the creche, but better Orpheus free to fight against Vlaakith than sacrifice for Karlach or worse the Emperor’s powers

On a personal note lame how the Emperor just decides to go join the netherbrain to become a thrall again

The way Karlach is talking about how she has a new chance at life and all it cost was turning into a monster; I think my character would just want to make sure to keep in touch with Karlach more so she doesn’t end up isolated. 

Fun to see the moment where all the allies I have show up. It was a bit buggy where it kept thinking my character was the mindflayer, and the Gondian gnomes weren’t there. 

The ending bit reminds me a lot of Dragon Age Origins final fight but thankfully I’m way overprepared and the game is more generous with healing items and spell slot restores

I got a big kick out of the Emperor summoning all the Dream Guardians as opponents. I recognize mine but who matches what npc or if they’re random

I thought the runepowder bomb would do more, it only did about a hundred damage to the Emperor. All the allies I cared about summoning died waaay too easily so I just summoned Yugir, Astarion’s hoards, and the Necromancy of Thay ghouls to keep the dragon busy, and they ended up killing it

Even if my character trusted that the Netherbrain wouldn’t break out of control after a few months she is way too attached to Karlach, especially after Karlach’s sacrifice, to kill her to control the brain. Karlach sounds so happy that she was the key to the world getting saved and she got to live on afterwards

Sure wish the game offered me a choice in asking Lae’zel what she wanted to do. I told her to go with Orpheus because at this point she and my character aren’t super close so what personal ties or purpose would she have in Faerun? 

Gale is really going for it. The game gave me several conversations about the crown past the point of no return, and I wonder what the key moments to sway Gale actually are and how much room you have to tell him two different things. My character of course is told him to go for the crown and had for most of act 3.

I think it's really interesting my character who over the course of the game has such a up and down relationship with gods, Gale extends her the offer of being his Chosen in his godhood. What are the power dynamics of a kinda former Bhaalspawn who might be as powerful as a demigod one day, who would be tied to Astarion through the vampire sire bond and to Gale through god-chosen bond??

FUCKING HELL the character who talks to you after Gale is randomly chosen, so it could be a character you are romancing or it could be one you don’t like and says nothing about Gale. I spent some time savscumming but this is what compliation videos are for.

Halsin doesn't have much dialogue for my character if he gets randomly selected, it's a shame how the game doesn't treat the romance as if it's relevant here.

Astarion has some snarky dialogue about how since he ascended to power now everyone is doing it, and he thinks Mystra will crush Gale. (edit: looking it up Gale doesn't become a god and there isn't a middle ground of not being a god but just a extremely strong magic user. Apparently the Gale becomes a god ending was cut, which is a shame as he deserves an "evil" ending. Becoming the god of ambition fits so nicely with several character arcs in this playthrough).

Lmao one last conversation with Astarion about the two of yalls evil plans and then its roll credits. 

BG3 Act 3 thoughts and liveblog part 1

I couldn't stop comparing DOS2 act 3 and BG3 act 3, since act 3 is a bit underbaked in both games compared to the other acts, but wow BG3 just has so much more polish and content.

The prologue reveals my character is a Bhaalspawn, I feel like it's just so widely known at this point

Defining character moment for Astarion “the problem with what Cazador has done is he did it to me”. Since Asatarion really wants this she’d help him sacrifice his “siblings” what matters to her is that Astarion is safe, but she’s worried about the unknown details but is still planning as if its possible. The dialogue options of “a killer isn’t worthy of respect” is fucking laughable my character would never say that lmao. 

When the narrator was saying you have a bunch of options what will you do, for my character it felt best to say “when the moment comes I’ll do what feels right”, since she's more of an opportunist

Ooof that fight with the gith was rough even on easy mode.

My character wanted The Emperor to prove he was the protector, but then tried to read his thoughts anyway. She’s also very grateful Lae’zeal wasn’t around when this happened considering Orpheus is real and a renegade mindflayer has him prisoner

Learning that the protection against the Absolute comes from Orpheus being trapped really puts a damper on my character’s plans to not get rid of the tadpole and associated powers. It's too dangerous to count on Orphues being imprisoned. Also the Emperor was a successful power player in Baldur’s Gate, so she’s more wary of his plans and agenda than the fact he is a mindflayer. 

My character did turn down the Emperor’s offer to evolve her, sorry she just is too attached to how her body looks. She also thinks this is a line in the sand she’s not going to persuade her companions on, unlike the tadpole powers. (personally it's the fact that it messes up your teeth, huge personal squick). I guess had my character take on so many parasite powers it gave me a fucking 21 score roll to not evolve. 

EDIT: the next day I got spoiled on the Emperor’s seduction scene and it’s friendly manners being all a front; real fucking surprise pikachu face moment for me. That my character who manipulates, lies, and seduces people might encounter someone who emotionally manipulates, lies and will seduce people. I didn’t fully trust it and thought it might have its own agenda, but still I was a little too trusting that there might have been some genuine emotion. Like DAMMIT I was rewatching Felix rvb scenes before I started the game and he has a line “Funny how an act of sacrifice like that [getting hurt] buys you so much trust”. Which is exactly what the Emperor did, where it knelt down and made a big show of how it trusts me not to hurt it and when it calls on us for that dramatic rescue that while genuine was an excellent opportunity for it to be revealed. Apparently the 21 roll is because I used so many tadpoles which the game treats as buying into The Emperor’s promises. Its repeated lines of “just like you” and ��i’m on your side” to establish common ground and then presenting itself as a criminal with “a heart of gold” in its backstory. I/my character was skeptical on some details considering it also presented itself as a major power player, but bought into it’s use of “allies” when what he meant was “pawns”.  

Gale had the comment “you’ve not taken this power for yourself… why offer it to me” and I wish I could respond like what Astarion said, that don’t want to sacrifice my body. Astarion had a whole lot to say on the subject but Karlach only had 1 line about being surprised I hadn’t taken the power/transformation. Funny to see how other companions had lines about how they hadn’t done any tadpole powers and they weren’t about to start now. 

My character’s made an enemy out of the undead lich Gith queen, whom only Orpheus can oppose, and there’s an entire Gith resistance working to free him as well. So that really kills any plan of using the Absolute for herself because she’d be better off with Orphues fighting the Gith queen

Really Astarion and my character have come so far from act 1 where he was warning me about how easily Cazador could kill me to now where he’s saying if Cazador comes for him he’ll strike back and he’ll have my character along with him 

The one group my character has been consistently nice to with no promise of reward is kids, so at this point she’s just resigned to them showing up at camp as long as there’s someone like Withers, Halsin, or Wyll to keep them from getting hurt. 

My character is helping the strange ox yet again. It won’t reveal what it is but she’s really curious, and it hasn’t seemed to kill people, so she’ll help it because it might be a useful ally in the future

I love Biscotti what a GOOD DOG (love the animal writing in this and DOS2)

I think its funny that for a while I was thinking that Astarion wasn’t that pale, but in the bright light of Baldur’s Gate he really is. I think it's due to my monitor that has super high contrast

Surprised Halsin has the most dialogue in the refugee area mostly about how he’s rapidly becoming disillusioned with the city, and I tried a earlier save without him and the other companions like Astarion or Karlach don’t speak up if he’s not there.

Community meme about Gortash: I can excuse him being the chosen of an evil god and using his power to found a murderous evil cult but I draw the line at him and his PMC making surveliance cop robots. Bane is just the god of cops and Gortash works for Boston Dynamics

I like to think a bunch of the companions have been a positive force on my character so she’s helping the refugees in her own manner (lots of intimidation), and wants to see the Tiefling refugees make it after all the struggles. That there were explosives in toys justifies her being nosy and helping

Karlach really wants to go to the circus, unfortunately my character is a vicious murderer lmao. Thankfully she’s great at [persuading] and charming. Astarion, Halsin, and Karlach seem to be the best “go to the circus” group

Incredibly cool to hear my bard character perform along with the other bard in the circus

The dinosaur and the magic cat in the circus are being mistreated, Halsin is right to be mad about it. I used Astarion to pickpocket the key, then mage hand to open both cage doors

My character doesn’t like clowns and after she felt that murderous urge there’s no way she’s getting on stage. I watched the different versions of sending Halsin or Karlach up on stage but sending Astarion up on stage really is the best version. Role playing it as after he made that comment about clowns being a horror and with how both Karlach and Halsin approve of picking Astarion while he doesn’t approve if you pick someone else; its some light hearted group teasing of a guy who usually has a joke at others expense “You love the spotlight, don’t you… here’s your big chance”. Yeah he says he’s going to kill me but he’s not seriously upset.

Astarion and my character both enjoy killing clowns, see we’re great together

My bard character was pissed about the Djinn scamming with the spin the wheel game so of course she went back to rig things to get the jackpot. 

Ok so my character gets her meteorites back, that she’s a Bhaalspawn, she’s not surrendering to the D!urge or worried about atoning, but that she’s being encouraged to slaughter her line and that its the woman who hurt her before is a opportunity for power and revenge coinciding nicely

For now the only person my character is telling is Astarion, this is a big thing to confess and she wants to play this close to the vest for as long as possible. While she did have earnest suspicions since the oubliette, she’s more afraid about standing up to a god and the loss of control. I personally like how Astarion comforts you after that dialogue a lot more, especially the way he says you must try to beat Bhaal and not become a slave.