#… that and I constantly contradict my self and my “opinion” changes constantly or viewpoint I should say

[rouge-fauna]

Pretty much always (no matter how many times I’ve edited something) when I reread it, I catch spelling errors, sometimes small like the ones I just fixed - evenge or Drean - which you can easily infer what I meant, but sometimes big like ‘do’ instead of ‘don’t.’ Sometimes the mistake changes the meaning of the sentence and it makes me wonder how many times people have read something I wrote and didn’t like it or misunderstood it because of that… how many times people thought I disagreed with them when I wasn’t because of a typo or two. For example, even as recent as a few days ago I reread a controversial post and noticed a fairly influential typo and it almost made me laugh because damn did people know to correct that in their head while reading or not and if there hadn’t been that mistake would it have changed their perception of it?…

I guess, what I’m saying is if you notice something that doesn’t make sense or a typo or something, let me know (if you do and have me blocked though I cannot see it btw lol). I’d much rather explain myself than you make a wrong assumption. I’m dyslexic and have a vision reading disability and ADHD, and sometimes I don’t make sense and a lot of times I type poorly on the little keyboard of my phone :)

[voraciouspangolin]

Misogyny is also genderless. It is not inherent to any gender to be misogynistic. Misogyny is a concept larger than any specific group of people or gender acting upon it- it is a social construct deeply imbedded within our society, propagated and fed by anyone and everyone. A consequence of this is that, regardless of if you're a woman or not, the mere fact that you live in a misogynistic society means that you will, by default, embody misogynistic viewpoints and attitudes.

Whether it's trashing, embodying a pick-me attitude, appealing to and insisting that others also appeal to rigid stereotypes, excluding or ostracizing entire swaths of women on the basis of their femininity or lackthereof; women are fully capable of and actively participate in misogyny.

Misogyny is also not quite as black and white as is widely understood. By this I mean, yes, misogyny Also affects men. But of course, I would be doing a disservice if I acted like misogyny affects men on the same level as it affects women. Women, the concept of femininity itself, are the explicit and direct targets of misogyny. And it cannot be dismissed or downplayed that men, the structure of the patriarchy, are the most virulent in the participation of misogyny.

However, it cannot be ignored that some kind of collateral exists. A kind of indirect misogyny- misogyny by proxy. And, although misogyny is explicitly targetting women, this side-effect of indirect misogyny can affect anyone; both men, women, femmes and mascs, and those who do not, or wish not, adhere to this binary.

This following.... thing.... applies to any form of oppression, specifically the participation in said oppression, on the side of the oppressor. Being a militant, aggressive... whatever you want to call it- being an active participant in perpetrating oppression, it does something to your brain. It affects you in the most primal of ways, it fundamentally changes the way you view the world. Being oppressive requires the employement of cognitive dissonance- active contradictions within oneself that rely on ignorance, bias, and ego. One must live in a kind of phantasm, where logic is deliberately ommitted or dismissed, purely to keep up the façade that one is correct in their oppressive behaviour. And above all else, you must make the decision to dismiss the very fact that other human beings are equally as worthy of kindness, acceptance, and respect, just as much as you are. People are worthy of respect and dignity, regardless of if they're "not correct" or "wrong" or "inferior". But this idea of respect goes against the fundamentally punishing, purity based nature of oppression- so it must be ignored. In order to live with the fact that you are oppressing other human beings who talk, walk, and have feelings and opinions just like you, you must dehumanize them to a certain degree. You must strip them of their humanity. You must justify your oppression with any number of "I'm doing what's good for them" and "this is what they deserve" and "they are the enemy and my hatred and violence is permissable".

By participating in the oppression of others, you are denying yourself of your own humanity, you are stripping yourself- even- of your humanity. One who religiously holds on to oppressive beliefs becomes a prisonner to themselves. Constantly vigilant about their own behaviour, about others' behaviours, fueled by guilt and shame and hatred. That does something to you. Like a poison. Its... its almost comparable to the traumatizing of the brain via a toxic, or even abusive, relationship; paths in ones train of thought that are walked so often, over and over, that they become engrained in the brain. Fundamentally harmful ways of thinking being relied on so often. So much to the point that a terror surrounds the footprints. Like, a fog. Ceaseless anxiety, self hatred, disgust, every kind of negative emotion- simmering alongside the track, ready to boil over the second one even thinks about not abiding by the strict, rigid standards they've come to believe in.

A man who sees a fancy alcoholic beverage in a curvy glass, with fresh fruit on the dusted rim, may think to himself: "I wonder what that tastes like, it looks good." But then, like a machismo version of pure unbridled anxiety, that internal response of "that's too girly (I don't want people to think I'm gay)" and "Only a fag would drink that" and " what the fuck is wrong with you. You cant drink that. That's for women." immediately boils over the edge of the path, causing the thinker to jump up and tiptoe along the center of the walkway, keeping his feet as far away from the Toxic Womanly Sludge as possible. The man feels shame and self hatred, guilt, and terror at the thought of how other men- and even women- may percieve him for even thinking that such a feminine drink might be delicious. He fears the way his own standards may judge him. And as a result, he overcompensates, he abuses himself in the form of a witty retort, under the guise of a blurted joke towards his masculine companion; "Look at how gay that drink is- only a fag would drink that". This man is negatively impacted by this misogyny by proxy- and at the very same time, he perpetrates this misogyny to whomever is in earshot.

Misogyny is explicitly about hating women. But as a result of the illogical nature of hating an entire category of human being, one relies on lies and phantasm to justify their feelings; the oppression of any group of people- in this case women- relies on the dehumanization of said group. It relies on believing that women are inherently inferior and fundamentally different to men on all levels, from psychologically to biologically. It relies on the othering of women, on the elevating of ones own ego, the proclamation of oneself as "worthy" of access to women. Misogyny is about dehumanizing women. And, by proxy, one dehumanizes themselves the more they lean into this oppression against women.

The idea that misogyny is "biological" is a harmful way of looking at things because it leads to people thinking that women are doomed to be harassed and attacked, that it's the natural order of things and not something that we can change. Misogyny is something that is taught and socially rewarded for perpetuating. Hating women is not an inherent biological trait in men, it's learned behavior.

[fairycosmos]

have you ever struggled with indecisiveness? it seems to take up all the space in my head and stupid choices like silver/gold jewellery can make me question my entire identity idk what to do with myself anymore - so if you have any tips or something pls share. your thoughts/opinions on things matter to me. if not thats okay too !

omg YEAH and i hate it so fucking much. i cant choose what songs i want to listen to, what i want to eat, what to watch without feeling paralyzed by indecision and worry :/ idk if its cause im a gemini or bi or mentally ill or if it’s just a personality trait lmao! but it’s really the bane of my existence and i can definitely relate a lot, i think a lot of people probably can. you’re not alone. unfortunately it’s something i still struggle with on a daily basis so i dont have any like tried and tested methods of getting around it. but i guess speaking generally now that i think about it, i have noticed some thinking patterns or ideas that have helped me with it a little. i suppose i can use this to self reflect too fjdkslfj anyway - the first is consistently reminding yourself of nuance and shades of grey. every single person is a walking mass of contradictions, conflicting tastes/ideas and viewpoints. nothing is straight forward, or black and white, so you dont have to expect yourself to be. you can choose silver jewelry one day, and gold the next and still be the multidimensional person that you are. such choices don’t dictate your whole self because we as people aren’t defined by the inconsequential, subjective opinions that we hold. this kinda leads into my second suggestion. it may help to take some time to figure out what you actually want to root your identity in. rather than allowing your mind to panic over how others may be reading you, look inward and decide for yourself who you want to be. throughout the course of our lives we are many different ‘selves’ and different situations bring out numerous versions of who we are, so instead of feeling like you have to constantly stay the same, it could be healthier to instead have a looser self image. everyone perceives each other differently, anyway. so anchor yourself in the deeper aspects of your personality - your morals, who you relate to, your core beliefs, who you are when you’re alone - everything else is a lot shallower and subject to change, and that’s okay. we’re not just one thing or one decision, you know? another point to consider is the root of the fear and being able to identify what you’re so afraid of. what is the worst case scenario, why is it wrong to explore your likes/dislikes, how can you actively work on subverting this behaviour, where does the guilt come from? i feel like having low self esteem feeds into this a lot, because we tend to look for the validation of others to inspire confidence within us, so we want to be predictable and easy to digest. so working on liking yourself as you are without the need for outside approval may make a big difference. ultimately though, i think it’s just about recognizing this unhealthy pattern within yourself and doing what you can to act against it when possible, even if you don’t always achieve it every time. try out different exercises and see what works for you next time you’re confronted with having to make a choice. pick without thinking, pick based on the weather, pick based on how you feel in the moment, pick based on what you enjoy. there’s no wrong way to be you. of course, this may be something that is more deeply rooted than you realize, indicative of more serious mental health issues. and if that is the case i really think you should bring it to the attention of a professional (a counselor, a mental health hotline, your doctor, a therapist) when possible, even if it takes a while for you to be able to get to that point. if it exacerbates other emotional problems you have, or if it’s impacting every single part of your life, it’s ok to reach out and talk about it. they may be able to work through it with you and allow you to understand why you are this way and what you can do to combat it. i know it’s all a lot easier said than done, and i’m realizing that these processes are basically life long tasks that we must actively work on every day. that there may never be total equilibrium between every part of who we are. and it’s a hard pill to swallow, seriously. but as long as you’re trying to tackle the issue from a place of patience and self understanding, rather than from a place of self hatred, then you’re doing better than you think :) you don’t have to have it all figured out right now, so take it a day at a time and focus on how you can help yourself feel more comfortable with being a three (possibly four, five, sis, seven) dimensional being, in the present. if you need a friend or if you want to talk about this properly, my inbox will be open. i’m pretty relieved to hear someone else talk about this, cause i’ve dealt with it for so long and it’s exhausting. sending you a lot of love and warmth x

[anti-onion-posts]

Onision and Narcissism

Prepare yourselves, this is long. 

At the end of this it seems as if I am being sympathetic towards Onision, in a way I am but he is still a garbage human being in my opinion. 

When it comes to Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) like every other psychological disorder there are certain criteria that need to be filled for an individual to be diagnosed. 

10-13% of the general population have some form of a personality disorder as suggested by a study done by Weissman (1993), these people can merge into the general population. Most have more than two personalities disorders. There are three clusters when it comes to PD's, Cluster A - odd and eccentric, B - attention seeking and selfish and C - anxious and fearful. Narcissistic personality disorder falls under cluster B - attention seeking and selfish.

Traits of NPD:

·         Has a grandiose sense of self-importance.

·         Preoccupied with fantasies; success, beauty, power or love

·         Believes that they are unique and can only be understood or/and associate with others that have a high status.

·         Needs to feel excessive admiration; they will fish for compliments and will be highly susceptible to forms of flattery.

·         Feels entitlement.

·         Interpersonally exploitative; they will use others to achieve their goals.

·         Lacks empathy; they are either unwilling or unable to recognize or identify with others feelings.

·         Envious of others or believe that other people are envious of them.

·         Arrogant and shows rude and abusive behaviours and/or attitudes.  

 Now, I touched upon something on one of my firsts posts which is something I’d like to go in more detail about.

Onision is what I like to call an insecure narcissist.

Recently there has been some advances in clinical and empirical studies for NPD which recognized that narcissism can be co-occurring with vulnerability; inferiority, insecurity, etc.

(Note: Personally, I believe that an insecure narcissist can be/is more dangerous than an individual with NPD. Unfortunately, it is hard to back up this claim as research in this area is hard to come by.)

Let’s have a look at some of these traits and how easily it is to tie them to Onision.

Criticism

When it comes to criticism or anything that is remotely assumed to be an interpreted as negative whenever that be evaluating personality, performance and behaviour. Individuals with NPD will be highly reactive to it.

Even if it is constructive criticism.

Why?

From this they will be forced to come to terms with admitting some form of vulnerability and in return they will act defensively. Whenever that be through attempting to falsify evidence, lying, attempting to change the subject or respond to it in a way that they have been asked something that is not relating to the subject.

The ability to accept criticism comes from how secure we feel as a person as well as our resilience.

‘’But aren’t narcissistic secure? They have huge egos.’’

That would be correct, yes, however their ego maybe oversized and/or artificially inflated this can’t be viewed as being either secure or resilient. It can be very easily punctured so when they are criticised they show themselves to be poorly incapable of holding any emotional poise and receptivity.

(Receptivity: able or quick to receive knowledge, ideas.)

However, despite not being able to accept criticism they will demonstrate an abnormally developed capacity to criticize others. There are two common terms that are using in psychoanalytical literature and these are; narcissistic injury and narcissistic rage.

Injury:

Results from childhood; deficient parents not being able to nurture them. They don’t feel parents love which is prerequisite when it comes to self-love. Meaning that a parent’s love is needed to build a basic understanding of what ‘love’ is.

Therefore, they need to contently prove themselves by claiming superiority over others by doing this it can condition them to feel as if they are ‘good enough’ to be loved. In return this simply in time alienate them.

(Just as a note, not all children will react in this way not every child with bad parents will grow to become narcissists.)

This is also the same when it comes to rejection and we all know that Onision doesn’t handle rejection well. An example of this would be when Shane Dawson refused to collab with him it’s was insulting to him, and he took it extremely personally. ''How dare this person not want to work with me'' easily translates into, ''How dare this person reject me?''

Watch his video he made on his patrons leaving after his comments on the Manchester bombings, them taking away their pledge to him = them rejecting him.

Rage:

Due to being incredibly sensitive to criticism as this can bring feelings of anxiety, so to safeguard themselves they will react with defiance or with verbal violence. This is narcissistic rage.

They go to great lengths to invalidate the person criticising them; to achieve such dismissal of the individual criticising them, they'll do everything possible to negate their viewpoint. And this can include much more than blaming or challenging them.

‘’You did this wrong.’’

‘’Show me, show me the evidence of what I did wrong. Oh, you don’t have evidence on you? Well you are the one who is wrong, not me.’’

Narcissists are prone to these rages and will sacrifice others for personal gain - His multiple videos on Billie which ultimately lead to her public humiliation, so he could have something to talk about in his YouTube videos. He sacrificed her confidential information, so he could get monetary gain.

Check out his video when it came to him reading his book reviews he couldn't handle the negative criticisms that was left. He will deflect, and he will divert until he can escape that feeling, that notion that everyone gets when they are rejected. This leads to the second stage of his psychosis; The superiority complex, which is an extreme defence mechanism to remove himself of all criticism and responsibility while pinning it on others.

It's the ''It's not my fault, they're stupid because they don't understand, no it's not me, right?''

When their position has been exposed as false they will become evasive and articulate lies or half-truths and will flat out contradict themselves (sound like someone we know?) this can be to such a degree that it can leave the people watching this happen sit back in disbelief.

A big cause for the feelings of anger and rage in a moment is that they will externalise the more painful anxiety or shame related emotions. They will feel these types of emotions, or remembering a time in the past where they have been humiliated and transfer these unwanted feelings to another.

‘’I’m not stupid, you are!’’

‘’You can’t say I have NPD, are you a doctor? No? Exactly, stupid.’’

If the individual that the rage is aimed at has no idea why the outburst took place a sudden explosion of this rage will more than likely leave them feeling confused and maybe even frightened to express their opinion again.

Low self-esteem

Being constantly driven to prove themselves to both the people around them and them, this leads to a low self-esteem. This is the self-doubting and recessive part of them and they try hard to make sure that it is well hidden from sight. Once again this is coming with the feeling of fear of inferiority.

They will use many defence mechanisms to hide this:

·         Posturing exceptionally high self-esteem.

·         Fishing for compliments.

·         Bragging about their (exaggerated) achievements.

The ‘misunderstood special person’ which include notions such as:

·         ‘’I’m special.’’

·         ‘’I’m one of a kind.’’

·         ‘’I’m ahead of my time.’’

·         ‘’I’m so unique no one understands me.’’

·         ‘’I’m so much smarter than everyone else.’’

These are coupled with the common traits of NPD and construct a superficial belief that they are exceptional and for insecure narcissists it creates a reassuring role a second skin that they can live in which hides their true self.

Self-righteous and defensive

Needing to protect an overblown but incredibly fragile ego their defense system can be very easy to set off. When they are challenged the survival depends on being right or justified instead of just admitting that they are wrong or apologising.

‘’Onision has apologised before!’’

Yes, yes, yes but look at the circumstances of the apology everything that Onision does is a strategic move even when it comes to apologising.

He will say something bad.

People will be outraged.

He defends what he said.

Loses subscribers/patrons = losing money.

Onision: ‘’Hey guys, I’m sorry for what I said.’’

He apologises when he needs to do damage control because he has been pushed to do so, not because he wants to genuinely apologise for what he said. This pulls back his fans into defending him again.

‘’Does anyone remember what he said about (X)?’’

‘’Yeah, but he apologised!’’

I will admit and say that this is a very smart strategy and it clearly works it’s just a shame that his fans don’t see this move; they don’t see that he uses them as his first line of defence when it comes to protecting himself from criticism.

Furthermore, individuals with NPD have a ‘my way or the highway’ attitude they are stubborn, completive and insistence that their point of view is correct coupled with their feeling of being self-righteous.

This is to hide their underlying doubts about not being good enough and the more self-righteous (mostly exaggerate and puffed up by themselves) they are the more they will feel endangered by a conflicting opinion.

Projecting

To hide that they are insecure they will redirect any unfavorable traits that they have to someone else. As they cannot deal with being imperfect as their emotional capability is underdeveloped.

Hint: Social repose.

Poor boundaries

They view people as objects that exist primarily to serve their own needs – putting their own needs in front of others as well, even their own children – this is known in literature as ‘narcissistic supplies’ since others are regarded to cater to their personal desires.

Their boundaries are unevenly developed and will prompt them to dominate in conversations where it is inappropriate and share intimate details about their life. Such as over sharing their private life and disclosing information that others wouldn’t; as what they are sharing would be humiliating.

Yet with insensitivity to how others will react to their words, they’re highly likely to blurt out things or even boast about them; even if it will be views as tasteless and/or offensive. To add on to this, they will often ask other questions that are far to person or intimate. Such situations can be particularly difficult for the other person if the narcissist is in a position of authority over them so that not responding could, practically, put them in some jeopardy.

Someone with NPD will share with pride how they have chewed someone out and expect the people around them to be impressed by what they have done.

Relationships

Narcissists have issues (or they are in able) when it comes to connecting with people; they will instead focus on something else whenever that be:

·         Work

·         Social networking

·         Books

·         Games

·         Fantasies

During relationships though they will ‘set things up’ this is common in intimate relationships and if they are married they can be incredible hard on their spouse. They need to see themselves as perfect so when their spouse makes a mistake in that moment they will attempt to remove themselves from their partners and can be extremely unkind even brutal when they react to them.  

Conclusion

When an individual with NPD has these defences, they will not grow as a human being and will not take responsibility for their lives. They are bound in a stagnate two-dimensional world where they only see black and white; grey areas do not exist.

They remain empty emotionally and lack the strength that would let them be genuinely vulnerable to others. There is a consent need to fill what they never had as a child, the relationships that they have when older show a strong level of detachment.

They are not free to change so Onision is a lost cause trying to change the way he thinks will never work. He is unable to change as he doesn’t want to be wrong, he can’t stand to be wrong. He is a text book case of a multiple of the cluster B personality disorders; displaying characteristics of Histrionic, Narcissistic and Borderline personality disorder.

He has a strong desire for attention and the continuous change in his persona - therefore he can't keep to an opinion and is often seen as a hypocrite - and his strong reactions to rejection is what leads him to a vicious cycle that deteriorate him as a person. I personally believe that he is afflicted with a mental disconnection, he is not aware of his illness and can't be made aware of it by normal means. He is emotionally dangerous to anyone that interacts with him. It is because of this mental disconnection is why when people mention that has some form of a mental disorder he defensively denies the claim. He is in this consent cycle and will never be a complete person.  

Narcissists are victims but at the same time they are the perpetrator too.

Narcissists are made not born.

[genevievedanielle]

Thoughts On Jonerys Part 3

So, I’ve been doing this series of posts on my thoughts regarding Jonerys after doing a recent rewatch of the whole GoT series and I’ve been breaking down my thoughts and observations on the relationships of Jon and Daenerys, their journeys, characters, and what they bring out in each other, and I’m not saying my thoughts are totally right, I mean everything is open to interpretation, but this is what I see and how I interpret things in relation to Jonerys. So I’ve already covered the Jon/Daenerys’ relationship compared with the Dany/Drogo’s relationship here, and the Dany/Daario’s relationship here. Now I’m going to get into my thoughts on the Jon/Ygritte relationship and how it compares to Jon/Daenerys’ relationship. 

First off I want to point out that Jon didn’t choose to be with Ygritte at first. In fact he fought any attraction he had toward her as long as he could and was taken prisoner by her and The Wildlings, but he was forced into being with her based on the fact that he was told by the Halfhand to become one of The Wildlings and to do whatever it took to make them trust him and believe he was a Night’s Watch deserter and there was pressure from the Wildlings to prove he was with them by being with her. He was made into a spy of sorts and had to go along with whatever happened, this isn’t to say he wasn’t attracted to her, because we saw that he was, and I’m not saying he didn’t come to love and care about her because he did, much like Dany came to love Drogo, but if the situation were different I don’t know if he would have been with her at all. Add to that the fact that him being with her was in a way part of his “duty”, something Jon takes very seriously as a Brother of The Night’s Watch and there’s not a huge basis to build their relationship on. One of the things that always stood out to me with Jon and Ygritte’s relationship was the fact that it started as a forced relationship, much like Daenerys and Drogo. I think it’s obvious that George R.R. Martin wants his readers to draw these parallels between Dany and Jon and their first loves, but I think both also really speak to Jon and Daenerys’ characters. Jon betrays Ygritte for his duty and later has to watch her die when she and her people attack what he stands for and his role as protector of the realms, and Daenerys decides to end Drogo’s sad existence after he’s become catatonic and embrace the dragon by walking through fire, saying goodbye to Drogo and her old weaker self. Both characters emerge stronger from their relationships with their first love.

When you think about it, Jon was forced into a relationship with Ygritte initially because he was taken by Ygritte and the Wildlings as a prisoner. When he first slept with Ygritte he didn’t chose or initiate it, she brought him to the cave and put him in a position where he either had to go along with it or put his life in danger as she and The Wildlings would know he truly wasn’t with them and probably would have killed him. That’s not saying he didn’t think about being with her because again, he was attracted to her so he probably did, but he was essentially raped. Jon honours his vows and the oaths he takes, we’ve seen how loyal he was to the Night’s Watch right up to his death and even how loyal he’s been to Daenerys now that he’s bent the knee, even defying Cersei despite it meaning he’d lose her support because he’d made a vow to Daenerys. Jon was infiltrating The Wildlings for the Night’s Watch so he had to give in and have sex with Ygritte even though it went against his vows and what he believed in. He didn’t choose to be with her and she stripped in front of him and initiated it and his options were do it or die, so he was raped, forced to have sex against his will. He looks uncomfortable when she strips and even pulls back a bit when she first starts to kiss him, but he knows he has no real options in this scenario.

Now compare it to his relationship with Daenerys where he came to her of his free will to get help, and then as his feelings grew, he’s the one who made the initial move, you can really see the strength of the relationship and the growth of Jon. Jon, who has only slept with one woman in his life and learned to love that woman, Jon the honourable man who values the oaths he makes and doesn’t take the things he does lightly, went to Daenerys because he wanted to be with her, but he wasn’t going to force his way in. He gave her the option of being with him by knocking and waiting for her invitation into her room, but this says a lot. Jon going to Daenerys is a big reveal of his feelings for her. He’s choosing to go to her, he’s initiating the relationship, and again the only woman he’s been with up to this point is Ygritte who, despite being forced into the relationship, he came to love. So that says a lot about what he feels for Daenerys. When he goes to Dany’s door he’s nervous, but he has the option to back out and doesn’t because he’s sure of what he wants and when they’re together they’re like magnets. They keep kissing and he seems like he can’t get enough of her, they barely break apart and they’re right back together.

Next thing that stands out to me, and I know everyone thinks it’s a cute ‘Jon and Ygritte thing’, but Ygritte’s phrase, “You know nothing, Jon Snow.” It always kind of bothered me because it was very insulting to Jon. Yes she was trying to make him see things outside his idealized worldview, which isn’t bad because it made Jon see The Wildlings in a different way, as people, but she also was criticizing how moral and honourable he was. She was saying she didn’t accept who Jon was or that part of him and that doesn’t sit right with me because if Ygritte loved Jon Snow, she would love all of him and Jon’s view of the world and his belief in duty and honour are a big part of him and who he is and that’s she clearly a part of him she didn’t accept. She constantly criticized his desire to do the right thing and teased him about it. Occasionally it was playful, but for the most part it was because she thought his beliefs and ideals were stupid and wrong. She judged him for what he believed in and he didn’t really do that to her. He didn’t always get the Wildlings or their way of life, but he tried to accept their beliefs and he accepted her as she was. He didn’t demand she change what she believed in or act like her beliefs were incorrect, he listened to her, didn’t always agree or see it her way, but he didn’t tell her she knew nothing or criticize and belittle her for her worldview, he accepted it.

If we look at that in comparison to how Daenerys views Jon, she trust his opinion and treats him as if he knows what he’s talking about. She seems to value his ideals and beliefs. She asks him for advice and his opinion over her advisors because she knows he’ll advise her to do what’s right. She appreciates and accepts his viewpoint. In the Dragonpit Daenerys tells Jon, “You were right from the beginning. If I had trusted you, everything would be different.” She recognizes that Jon knew what was best from the beginning and knew what he was talking about and he knew the danger that was coming, and she realizes that she should have listened to him. She accepts who he is and appreciates him for who he is, she doesn’t think his opinions are stupid or wrong, she values them, and she doesn’t belittle him, but instead takes what he says to heart, even if she doesn’t initially agree with him she sees when he has people’s best interest at heart, whereas Ygritte always told Jon he knew nothing and contradicted him. Even when he was telling her things that were in her best interest she didn’t value his opinion and didn’t truly listen to him or value him.

Also with Ygritte, when Jon told her he had to go back to the Wall, she became vengeful and angry. He knew he had to leave, and yes she didn’t kill him even though we know she could have, but she shot him with arrows because he was true to himself and did what he felt was his duty. First of all, injuring someone you claim to love seems pretty abusive. Secondly, being angry that the person you claim to love is being true to who they are and doing what they feel is right isn’t real love. Last but not least, this clearly shows how little she valued who Jon truly was, and he didn’t totally hide who he was when he was with the Wildlings, he was honest about his beliefs and only lied about deserting the Night’s Watch. Ygritte apparently cares for Jon yet she can’t let him go when he says, “I have to go home now.” She can’t accept that he’s choosing who he is and what he believes in and being true to that.

When Jon chooses to go North after a Wight, Daenerys doesn’t criticize him or become angry with him for wanting to go North and do what he thinks is his duty (also known as Jon trying to show up Jorah for Daenerys affection). She tries to stop him because she doesn’t want him to go out of fear of him not returning, whether the girl was ready to admit it or not she cared about him, but she respects him and gives her permission, reluctantly, and even thought he didn’t need it. Daenerys respects Jon when he asserts himself as a king and tells her he needs to go because the Free Folk will follow him and not Jorah. Daenerys respects him and what he’s choosing and even though it hurts her and she’s scared for him, she lets him go. It’s like the saying, “if you love something let it go, if it was truly your’s it will return to you.” She knows she has to let him go do this because it’s a part of who he is and what he believes in. 

Jon knew Ygritte would come for him after he took off, but it wasn’t to save him like Daenerys coming after Jon, it was to kill him. To me, and read it how you like, this is just my opinion, that’s not true love. If it can be turned off like that because you’re mad or upset with the person, it’s not real. People could say Jon chose his fate by leaving Ygritte and returning to the Night’s Watch, but Ygritte didn’t have to go in there with the intention of killing him. She wants to see him pay for hurting her and she wants to harm him. She hesitated when they met eyes yes, but she never lowered her weapon, she probably would have still killed him. Jon feels remorse for leaving her, but Ygritte holds a grudge toward him for leaving her.

After Jon has gone North of the Wall and finds himself in danger he sends a raven to Daenerys to come to his aid when he gets in trouble because I think he knows she’ll come for him. He made the choice to go, but she didn’t resent him for his choice like Ygritte did and she didn’t hold a grudge against him. He apologizes to her because he feels remorse for the choice he made, he feels like he never should have gone and Daenerys lost Viserion because of him, but she doesn’t blame him. She says she needed to see it or she would never have known. She lost something that meant everything to her, but she doesn’t regret it because she knows Jon was right and she’s relieved he’s alive and safe. Daenerys could have left Jon to his fate because he chose it, but she takes off for him the minute he needs help against her hand’s advice. She doesn’t want harm to come to him because her feelings for him are real and she values him.

With Jon and Ygritte, we see Jon cares for her and loves her, but he’s willing to put her aside for his duty. With Daenerys he has the same option show up in the Dragonpit, love or duty. Jon’s duty has always been toward the North, he’s always chosen to protect people and do what’s best for them over his own happiness and in the Dragonpit scene, Jon is faced with this choice again. He’s already chosen duty over his feelings for Ygritte, and early on in his relationship with Dany he chose duty over her when she didn’t give her permission for him to leave Dragonstone and go North after a wight, but he asserts himself as king, because he feels going North is the duty of the King in The North. When Daenerys came after Jon, I think it hit him that she was willing to give up what she wanted for him, she didn’t have to go after him, she’s felt her duty is to rid Westeros of Cersei, but she put herself in danger to save him. So when Jon is on the boat and bends the knee to Daenerys that’s the beginning of him putting his love for her over his duty. He puts down his King in The North title for Daenerys. Furthermore, when they reach the Dragonpit Jon can do his duty to get Cersei to help fight in the North by denouncing his support for Daenerys, and Daenerys would have known that she still had his support and he was just doing his duty for his people, but instead of choosing duty over love again, Jon choses his love for Daenerys because that’s honourable. He can’t deny what he’s feeling for her because it’s real love. I’m not saying he didn’t love Ygritte, because I think he did, but it wasn’t true love, much like Daenerys and Drogo. 

The main thing that jumps out is in the way each woman treats Jon and the respect they show him. What I love about Jon and Daenerys’ relationship is that they both respect the decisions the other makes, even if they don’t totally agree with them, they still respect their right to make the decision and they’re always willing to help each other. I love how you can see their love and appreciation for each other in the way they respond to each other’s decisions and the way they come to each other’s aid. Daenerys’ supports Jon’s decision in the Dragonpit to declare his loyalty to her even though it wasn’t the decision she expected or wanted him to make. She values his opinions and admits when he was right. She doesn’t try to change him because she’s fallen for him and who he is and Daenerys brings out something in Jon. For the first time ever in is willing to go for what he wants and he’s willing to put aside his duty for her which again shows, she’s worth it to him, she’s something he wants, and I love that.

[trendingnewsb]

How We Are Attracting Fake News and False Information to Our Lives

A new phenomenon is taking the internet by storm, but in the worst of ways. Many of us have fallen victim to “Fake News.” And further perpetuate the issue by sharing this misinformation and regurgitating it as fact.

The news was once a trusted facet where we could inform ourselves of current events. But times have changed. With endless resources at our disposal, we are constantly confronted with news stories and studies that lack fact-checking and credibility. While these news sources are certainly in the wrong, we as readers are contributing to the issue and making it worse.

Perhaps it’s because these fake news stories appeal to our personal ideals, so we accept them as fact. Or maybe, it’s because we want to be the first one to share this information with our peers, appearing as if we are always in the know.

Our fear of missing out could be the culprit to our attraction to fake news.

The Fear of Missing Out (also known as FOMO) is the common condition with a pretty self-explanatory concept. We all want to be caught up on the latest news. It is part of the human condition to want to be informed. Therefore, when we see breaking news on the internet, we are inclined to share the stories to educate our peers.

The huge issue with this is that many people don’t make it past the headline. Without even reading the articles, we share them on multiple social media outlets such as Facebook or Instagram, not even realizing what we are actually sharing.

In our effort to feel superior and informative, we are actually showing our peers how ignorant and gullible we are.

When we passively take in information, we blindly fall victim to bias.

Do you have a favorite go-to news source? Are you sure that it’s credible? Sometimes when we find a news outlet that appeals to our concerns and ideals, we passively take in the information, and don’t even think to challenge the “facts.”

For example, individuals who consider themselves to be extremely right winged politically tend to gravitate towards Fox News and bash any news sources that dare contradict any of their news stories. They have developed a bias, and will reject any information that doesn’t follow their agenda.

Many of us do this without realizing it, and are negatively influenced by authoritative sources. There are three types of bias to look out for:

My-Side Bias- the kind of bias that gets formed when you’re in a collaborative group with strong ideals. You will gravitate towards information that confirms your group’s objective.

Authoritative Bias- a logical reasoning fallacy where you will refer to an authoritative source to either confirm or deny information. (Ex. Fox News. If they do not agree with the information, then it must not be true.)

Confirmation Bias- blinds people from being objective to facts. We don’t want to believe that we are wrong, so we will dismiss information that contradicts our beliefs. We will limit our intake of new information that does not resonate with our pre-existing beliefs.

To stop taking in false information, start with removing unreliable sources.

Evaluate the source of information.

How credible is this source really? Why do you take their word for fact, and is there perhaps some bias involved? Think about why you started to follow this individual or news source to begin with, and if it is still relevant to your current interests.

For example, maybe you started to follow a public figure because he was a really funny guy who shared a lot of jokes and funny videos. At the beginning he only shared about some nonsense jokes or funny things he did every day. But later, he started to joke about issues related to different races or sexual orientation. Be smart enough to know whether the information is valid or whether the public figure’s stance on something align to what you truly believe. Don’t just blindly follow what he believes without processing the information.

Try to disconnect from Facebook.

Much easier said than done, as this is a deep-seeded urge that we all have. FOMO typically stems from unhappiness, and a need for attention.[1] How do we dispel these urges?

Disconnecting is one option. I know, I know. You just CAN’T LIVE without constantly checking into social media. But here’s the thing. You existed and survived without it before, you can do it again. Don’t go cold turkey, but just try to do it less. You have no idea how free and peaceful your mind will become when you stop overwhelm your brain with unnecessary information.

Search for different perspectives, always.

Don’t rely on one source for all of your information.[2] Look for opposing viewpoints on the subject that you’re looking into the get an even keel of the situation. You may realize something that you hadn’t noticed before and change your position on the matter.

Identify your stance on the subject, and look for contradictory evidence to disprove that fact. That might seem silly, but it is the only way to truly know if your opinion is concrete.

If in a group of people, ask each individual their opinion separately, as to not let them be influenced by the position of others.

Use the rule of three.[3] Identify three possible hypothesis for the subject to look at it from every angle. Three is the magic number because there is enough variation to get a solid overview of the subject, but not so much information that it gets confusing and the point is lost.

Featured photo credit: Stocksnap via stocksnap.io

Reference

[1]^TIME: This Is The Best Way to Overcome Fear of Missing Out[2]^Psychology Today: What Is Confirmation Bias?[3]^Journal of Accountancy: 5 ways to overcome confirmation bias

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The post How We Are Attracting Fake News and False Information to Our Lives appeared first on Lifehack.

from Viral News HQ http://ift.tt/2sWW0py via Viral News HQ

[trendingnewsb]

How We Are Attracting Fake News and False Information to Our Lives

A new phenomenon is taking the internet by storm, but in the worst of ways. Many of us have fallen victim to “Fake News.” And further perpetuate the issue by sharing this misinformation and regurgitating it as fact.

The news was once a trusted facet where we could inform ourselves of current events. But times have changed. With endless resources at our disposal, we are constantly confronted with news stories and studies that lack fact-checking and credibility. While these news sources are certainly in the wrong, we as readers are contributing to the issue and making it worse.

Perhaps it’s because these fake news stories appeal to our personal ideals, so we accept them as fact. Or maybe, it’s because we want to be the first one to share this information with our peers, appearing as if we are always in the know.

Our fear of missing out could be the culprit to our attraction to fake news.

The Fear of Missing Out (also known as FOMO) is the common condition with a pretty self-explanatory concept. We all want to be caught up on the latest news. It is part of the human condition to want to be informed. Therefore, when we see breaking news on the internet, we are inclined to share the stories to educate our peers.

The huge issue with this is that many people don’t make it past the headline. Without even reading the articles, we share them on multiple social media outlets such as Facebook or Instagram, not even realizing what we are actually sharing.

In our effort to feel superior and informative, we are actually showing our peers how ignorant and gullible we are.

When we passively take in information, we blindly fall victim to bias.

Do you have a favorite go-to news source? Are you sure that it’s credible? Sometimes when we find a news outlet that appeals to our concerns and ideals, we passively take in the information, and don’t even think to challenge the “facts.”

For example, individuals who consider themselves to be extremely right winged politically tend to gravitate towards Fox News and bash any news sources that dare contradict any of their news stories. They have developed a bias, and will reject any information that doesn’t follow their agenda.

Many of us do this without realizing it, and are negatively influenced by authoritative sources. There are three types of bias to look out for:

My-Side Bias- the kind of bias that gets formed when you’re in a collaborative group with strong ideals. You will gravitate towards information that confirms your group’s objective.

Authoritative Bias- a logical reasoning fallacy where you will refer to an authoritative source to either confirm or deny information. (Ex. Fox News. If they do not agree with the information, then it must not be true.)

Confirmation Bias- blinds people from being objective to facts. We don’t want to believe that we are wrong, so we will dismiss information that contradicts our beliefs. We will limit our intake of new information that does not resonate with our pre-existing beliefs.

To stop taking in false information, start with removing unreliable sources.

Evaluate the source of information.

How credible is this source really? Why do you take their word for fact, and is there perhaps some bias involved? Think about why you started to follow this individual or news source to begin with, and if it is still relevant to your current interests.

For example, maybe you started to follow a public figure because he was a really funny guy who shared a lot of jokes and funny videos. At the beginning he only shared about some nonsense jokes or funny things he did every day. But later, he started to joke about issues related to different races or sexual orientation. Be smart enough to know whether the information is valid or whether the public figure’s stance on something align to what you truly believe. Don’t just blindly follow what he believes without processing the information.

Try to disconnect from Facebook.

Much easier said than done, as this is a deep-seeded urge that we all have. FOMO typically stems from unhappiness, and a need for attention.[1] How do we dispel these urges?

Disconnecting is one option. I know, I know. You just CAN’T LIVE without constantly checking into social media. But here’s the thing. You existed and survived without it before, you can do it again. Don’t go cold turkey, but just try to do it less. You have no idea how free and peaceful your mind will become when you stop overwhelm your brain with unnecessary information.

Search for different perspectives, always.

Don’t rely on one source for all of your information.[2] Look for opposing viewpoints on the subject that you’re looking into the get an even keel of the situation. You may realize something that you hadn’t noticed before and change your position on the matter.

Identify your stance on the subject, and look for contradictory evidence to disprove that fact. That might seem silly, but it is the only way to truly know if your opinion is concrete.

If in a group of people, ask each individual their opinion separately, as to not let them be influenced by the position of others.

Use the rule of three.[3] Identify three possible hypothesis for the subject to look at it from every angle. Three is the magic number because there is enough variation to get a solid overview of the subject, but not so much information that it gets confusing and the point is lost.

Featured photo credit: Stocksnap via stocksnap.io

Reference

[1]^TIME: This Is The Best Way to Overcome Fear of Missing Out[2]^Psychology Today: What Is Confirmation Bias?[3]^Journal of Accountancy: 5 ways to overcome confirmation bias

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The post How We Are Attracting Fake News and False Information to Our Lives appeared first on Lifehack.

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