#“your test results are good you shouldn't be having symptoms”

[andhumanslovedstories]

hey here's another question that I've been thinking about for about a week with no particular breakthrough. I'm so much on the healthcare side that all my advice is on that side. Dude, I read academic articles for this and didn't come up with anything particularly useful. That's why I'm answering this publicly, so other people hopefully add something useful. (Also I know you said you're not looking for opioids. I'm gonna talk about opioids anyway they certainly affect perceptions of chronic pain. In your case, try making clear early on that you don't want opioids.)

I'll say some things that I've noticed from my work to maybe provide some insight into healthcare's side of the exchange. I'm not saying this is the way things should be, I'm giving advice based on how I see things are. I wish I could say this wasn't the case, but when there's a pain medication standoff, the two ways I've seen it work out best for a patient are:

A third party advocates for the patient. (like family, nurse, social worker, different specialist, patient advocate, etc)

Change in caregiver.

I don't like those as the top answers, but that's what I've seen and it's consistent with a lot of the accounts I encountered. There is also a third way that the pain medication standoff can quickly end in a patient's favor:

3. New evidence (new symptom, imaging, vital signs, lab test, etc) forces a reexamination of how we're thinking about the patient.

This is also the "oh shit they seem worse" method, but it can also be "we have gained new information that re-contextualizes the information we already knew." This is like hey the xray came back, your whole bone is dust, or hey your blood pressure is now significantly higher, or hey oops your appendix exploded.

In all three cases, something new happens to change the dynamic. This works for healthcare providers operating in good faith because someone comes in fresh and/or the new dynamic causes the healthcare team to do a new assessment and cost/benefit analysis with this updated information. This works for healthcare providers operating in bad faith because they are either removed from the situation or put in a position where giving pain medication is less onerous than not giving pain medication. I genuinely, genuinely believe far more healthcare employees are operating in good faith rather than bad faith, although the end results can look the same from the patient side. This means I think that far more people are swayed by additional information that makes pain management have more benefit and less cost.

I don't know how actionable any of this is from the patient side unfortunately. I don't love being like "my advice? wait till shift change, see if you can shake it up." Bring someone to the emergency department with you if you have someone available, preferably someone prepared to make a fuss on your behalf. If you don't have a third person, see if you can get one. Hospitals can have patient advocate as a job. If they aren't available, is there someone on your healthcare team that seems most sympathetic? Try asking them if they have any advice. They might be able to give you some, they might advocate for you. Be careful about badmouthing staff to other staff and avoid compliments to one member of the team that relies on insulting another member. You don't know the relationships at play, and it's sort of like how you shouldn't trash talk your old job when interviewing for a new job. You may be completely right in everything you're saying, but being like "my boss was a crazy asshole who refused to recognize my work," doesn't come off as objective. It can undercut your credibility and introduce hostility into the conversation where it is not productive.

I'd also be prepared to talk about what you already tried to relieve the pain. Again, with you I'd mention upfront that you don't want opioids because they don't work for you. Then say what you have already tried at home before you came in (tylenol, ibpurofen, heating, ice, exercises, stretching, shower, other meds, etc) and the effect of both the pain (can't sleep, makes you nauseated, had to call off sick from work, aren't able to be a caregiver to someone, etc) and your already attempted interventions (no significant pain control, symptoms got worse, called PCP, they said emergency was the next step, etc). If your condition is chronic, compare it on the pain scale and the functionality scale to your baseline. (i.e. "I'm always at least a 3 out of ten on the pain scale, but it doesn't usually leave me bedbound." "Normally Symptom improves after Intervention At Home, but that didn't work this time.") Something that can make providers hesitant is if opioids, benzos, or other powerful drugs are the first and only thing a patient says will help and they're unwilling to try anything else, so sometimes demonstrating flexibility with your pain plan can signal "I'm not here for oxy to sell, I'm here because I want my symptoms to stop (and, if relevant, figure out what is causing them)."

Also if you can and feel safe doing so, consider providing feedback to the hospital. Nothing changes without something documented.

[angelosearch]

Some little life updates...

Hello friends! I have busied myself since the end of the semester.

First thing I did was watch my husband beat Expedition 33. Fantastic ending to an amazing game. Even though the parry system intimidates me, I think I am going to have to play it for myself at some point. It's just too good!

Then I went away to a wedding shower which tested my already stretched social stamina. It is amazing to me that most people do not realize I am socially anxious until I tell them (or maybe they are just being nice?) - after every major social non-work related interaction, I spend the next 5 days replaying everything I said/did and hating myself for it. It is exhausting and makes me never want to return to public again 😮‍💨

After that, I went to the nerve doctor again. I was told after my nerve study that I had a pinched nerve in both elbows but my symptoms were just manifesting in my wrist. But now after 6 weeks of trying to be more mindful and wearing the braces and heelbows and doing the exercises, my doctor says she thinks it's not only my elbows but ALSO carpal tunnel and I need surgery. Obviously this idea terrifies me so I did the completely rational and not at all self destructive thing and ducked the office's call to try and schedule said surgery. But really, Idk, I think it's getting better?? I am going to try and get a second opinion.

Of course, before I got that news I had already cleared out my craft room/office/studio of everything. The remodel train had already left the station, so I started pulling up carpet and putting down flooring. Now, I am painting. You know, all things recommended when you shouldn't be straining your arms. I am going to regret this...

I am doing the remodel basically by myself and I have no experience. I am also very short. I am also trying to have it all done by May 31, when my classes start back up, because I kind of need that room for homework and such!! So between all that, I've been putting myself in pain and doing a pretty shit job. But, on the other hand, I know I will be proud when it is all done. And do you know what color I have CHOSEN for my studio?

Blue.

Specifically the shade is called LAGUNA BLUE.

YEEEEAAAAHHHHH!!!

Anyhow, as I've been chipping away at that project, I've been listening to some audiobooks, first Piranesi, than Legends and Lattes, and now The Body Keeps Score. I am absolutely loving the latter - it is all about how trauma physically manifests. I've had it recommended to me a billion times and I am so glad I am actually reading it.

It is super interesting but also it makes me realize what a freakin' textbook trauma case I am. It's a shame - I wonder what would be different about my treatment if this book was published a few years sooner or if the author's DSM revisions were actually published. And of course, ironically, I put too many hours in a row into the remodel and leave myself in tremendous pain after because I spent all that time disconnected from my body. As I say, "I am a terrible judge of my own somatic experience" - a symptom of trauma that comes up in the book!!

Unfortunately, in this time "off" that I've had, I've barely written. Part of it is being busy and focused on my goals, but I've also just fallen out of the habit, which makes the warm up/on ramp to the actual writing that much longer. And I am less obsessed with my ideas. As a result, that means my brain is not using my favorite characters as chew toys as normal, and instead I am ruminating on such classic questions as: am I dying? What if I am doing everything wrong? What if I understand nothing? Am I unoriginal? Do I deserve the life I have? Am I the worst person ever? Does everyone just put up with me? Is everyone mad at me? Does everyone hate me?

(certainly, these kinds of questions are not trauma related... Right? 🙃)

I have to get back to writing ASAP or the glue holding my brain together is going to melt away haha

But then again, there is SO MUCH stuff I need to do while I am not in class aaaaaggghhhh I have no idea how I am going to catch up. Can anyone tell me how any adult manages to stay on top of their shit??

Oh, last thing: I truly went to Joann's for the last time. They were practically giving stuff away and I got a TON of embroidery floss. And then I color sorted it all because... Autism, probably.

guess I have no excuse, I got some fiber arts in my future!

[paranoid-rhythm]

「Chaldea Treasure Hunting!」 Asclepius Edition (Translation)

Asclepius: So you've come huh, Master? As expected of my patron. 

.............................

Asclepius: Alright, it seems we've arrived at our destination.

As the supervisor for this bounty, or should I say, treasure hunt, I expect that you have the courage to accompany me.

With this heat, and this environment, I wonder what kind of wonderful diseases, and the Holy Grail is waiting for me. I'm very much looking forward to it. 

Jason: Hey~ can you hear me? Oh! So you're there, Master! I'll be your support for today! So you should thank and venerate me! 

Asclepius: Sigh... Oh right, that's the case. Since everyone in Chaldea's support team is busy working on something else, he volunteered himself to do this. 

Jason: That's right! Just tell me if you feel like riding a huge ship right now! 

Asclepius: It's all land out here though, did you volunteer just to say that?

Jason: No, I didn't! Absolutely not! Well, whatever. First things first, head to the big city about 5 kilometers from here. A response from the Holy Grail is coming from that direction. Alright! You guys! It's time to depart!

.............................

Asclepius: It's quite the lively town, huh. This seems like it could result in all sorts of ailments. Come on, Master, hurry and find a patient!

Guda: Asclepius, this is bad!

Asclepius: T-this is...!!! You're telling me that you woke up this morning and found that your shark-rough dry skin has worsened and you've become a real shark?! Hey, tell me when did the symptoms start? Did you have any fever? Answer me quickly and accurately!

I see. That is quite interesting indeed. Here, take this Anti-Shark Head Remedy. If you rest for a while, then there shouldn't be any problems. Well then, my next patient is waiting so I'll excuse myself. Take care of yourself.

Jason! Where's the next patient's response coming from? 

Jason: Hey, hurry and look for the Holy Grail already! The reaction from the Holy Grail is coming from inside the temple in this town. Now that I've told you where it is, I’m going to take a break! And with that, I'll leave the rest to you, Asclepius! 

Asclepius: Sigh... Good grief, what a capricious captain. Anyway, let's head for the temple. It's this way. 

Guda: Huh? An oasis...?

Asclepius: What are you doing? Hurry up and sit right here. Hm. Well, it’s no surprise you’re shocked. You're probably wondering why there’s no Holy Grail and no enemies, right? This is all arranged by the Chaldea staff. They wanted to show their appreciation for your hard work, so I accepted the task of bringing you here. Taking care of the Master’s health is also part of my job after all.

Master, you’ve been working hard for humanity and its peaceful future. But if you ever find yourself struggling because you’ve pushed yourself too hard, and find it truly difficult, let me know. I promise I’ll use my medical skills to save you without fail. Do you understand?

Guda: Thank you, Asclepius!

Asclepius: What, I just said what any reputable doctor will say. In any case, you seem healthy at the moment. But since this is a good opportunity, let’s do a check-up. 

Have you noticed any changes in your health recently? Your temperature... is normal. Hmm, it looks like there’s no issue. Well then, I’d like you to be a test subject for this newly formulated medicine I've prepared. Now, give me your arm. Even if it hurts and you want to cry out, just bear with it until we know how this medicine works.

Heh. Looks like the hypnotic effect is starting to work. Master, make sure to rest well. Take care of yourself, okay?

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

I'm alive, btw, that's what I came on here to say. There is still so much swelling and I have so much to complain about, but I am alive.

My kidney's are struggling, not as much as the first time, and I still recovered then, so don't worry too much, but unfortunately now the main symptom is swelling and damage in my joints and it's HELL... And like, I need to keep down the swelling, but I also can't keep taxing my kidneys with even the gentlest of the NSAIDs, right?

So I have been told my whole life that acetamenophen does bring down swelling some and that's why it's used for fevers, which is why I was so baffled that 1. it never did fuck all for me, and 2. no one would call it and NSAID [it's not a steroid and I was being told it brought down swelling]

Sources will all agree it's safe fore your kidneys in a way nothing else is, if you stay under the safe dose limit, so I thought 'Fine, I'll try it because my limbs are too swollen for me to open even easy-open food packaging and I need to eat and climb in and out of bed to pee and the swelling can't be good for my kidneys either...

So I put together a cart with some supplies, a new blood pressure monitor which seems important right now as raising blood pressure is the biggest risk for self perpetuating kidney damage, batteries, a couple supplements for kidney heal, ph testing strips, a stethoscope, etc and so on, BUT WAIT! It's too much to fit on what's left of one card, so I order half that stuff and got to use the second card to get the rest...

At which point it becomes clear walmart fucked up the card they gave me and now won't accept it online.

So I call them and the card company starts demanding all this information I didn't even need to buy the card in the first place, like my address, etc, and the tone they are using makes me think their "investigation" could result in me being charged with something if they determine I stole the card and am trying to pull something... Because they are being actively demanding and hostile, so hopefully that doesn't become a problem, because I paid fucking 500$ for that card so I could have it to spend over winter ordering whatever supplies I needed to my door. It's going to take at least a month to resolve.

Problem, batteries for the monitor and acetamenophen were in the second batch with the supplements.

So I'm like "well I can't just let swelling keep damaging my kidneys and making it impossible to move without tearing my joints apart, so I take advil one time so I can get batteries and acetamenophen, and fucking whatever else walmart wouldn't let me buy online for some reason.

It's hell, I can't move my knees the entire time and I know when I get home I won't be functional but at least I will have meds I can safely take to get the swelling down.

lol

first second and third doses do -nothing- like nothing nothing, they way it always has, so I look up why it might not be helping anything, and it turns out it reduces fever by a completely different mechanism, does fuck all to reduce swelling, like genuinely less than nothing, and only works on pain by "increasing your tolerance by some poorly understood mechanism :)"

The problem isn't my pain tolerance. The problem is the damage being done by forcing my body to move and function while this fucking swollen.

So it turn out advil is still the safest option for actually reducing swelling, and I still shouldn't be taking it.

And I might be getting ripped off for 500+fee dollars only to be accused of a crime, and also forced to go to a store right after x-mas when I'm most likely to be re-infected with corona anyway, despite every plan to the contrary, because the lady at the cash either fucked up, or kept the activated card with 500 on it instead of the non activated one on purpose, I will will be left to somehow try to prove that while further corona exposure keeps trying to murder my organs.

I'd be so fucking pissed if I had the energy.

So turmeric and ginger while trying to to eat too many minerals that way is my best option still.

And then I was forced to do the weekly clean up unless I wanted to miss garbage and recycling day.

And I am having one of those months where by rights I should not be moving from my bed, and yet unless I want to just lay down and die, I have not chose but to tear my joints apart getting up to feed myself and pee. Borrowing health from untold months in the future because the only other option is to give up.

I am not in the fucking mood to handle jack shit, but instead I have to argue with a credit card company that thinks my name is 'dirt'. Or I give up on the 500 and on any supplies I need.

At least I can check my blood pressure. It's holding roughly around 100/70, so it should be low enough not to damage my organs which means I can keep slamming back 3-4 liters of fluids every day, and that whatever minerals are being slowly eliminated, and the slowness to process fluids, doesn't currently have my blood pressure high enough to make my kidneys worse.

The problem is mainly the horrid swelling in every joint in my entire body, and the bone pain in my forearms. For a long time before I knew what the problem was, my body's favourite bones to fuck with were my right knee and my left ankle, the stripping and healing of the bones repeatedly was changing their shape and leaving them less dense in between but they kept returning to normal density so it wasn't showing up on scans as likely being pagets or anything. BUT NOW, my stupid body has decided the bones in my forearms are where it's mostly going to strip calcium when my phosphorus levels get too high, so I have one side of my writs bone that just keeps getting bigger and forearms that feel like I am going to break them if I try to put force on anything, like even enough to open a jar.

It's some fucking bullshit, and the worst part is have you tried to find foods high in calcium that don't have a fuckton of potassium in them??? because phosphorus isn't even the issue this time, anymore, it appears to be potassium I'm retaining the most right now, judging by my symptoms and what makes the problem worse, but EVERY THING has fucking potassium in it, and if it has -some- calcium, it has twice as much fucking potassium. I need to eat calcium and some phosphorus if I want the bone pain to stop but I literally can't fucking eat anything.

Right now I am on a diet of:

-medium grain rice

-whatever bread I can make in the stand mixer without crying

-blueberries and cranberries

-1 liter of lemon water or alternative 1-2 liters of coffee [dilute], 2 liters of green tea [one bag per liter]

-Slowly running through whatever I already had open in the fridge so it doesn't go bad like the tomato sauce and strongly considering some yogurt

-Any time my blood pressure has felt high [before the new monitor] I've taken half a magnesium pill because it saved my ass last time and high bp and water retention is the enemy

-Whatever single mouthful of treat I need to maintain my sanity and blood sugar, I am not kidding I am hungry 24/7 right now and eating rice and berries does nothing, nothing, I could eat the whole bag of rice and still be hungry idk what's wrong with this carb but it has never been filling

-I am out of enough eggs to keep pickling them and can't order more

-tilapia

And that's probably the only reason I am functional at all, but I need to get the swelling in my body down without taxing my kidneys and nothing will tell me what the actual mg safe limits of anything are

Like it's all well and good that "nothing is 100% off the table, you just need moderation ^^" but unless you give me a milligram goal to stay under I don't know what that MEANS.

I know too much blood calcium will give me heart attacks, me personally from experience and I know the build up of uric acid is bad and that high blood pressure is the main fear for more kidney damage, but what minerals do the kidneys process that I can safely have more of if I am not having symptoms? They process magnesium but obviously having some prevents cardiac spasms from high blood calcium and is keeping my blood pressure from being dangerously high. What minerals and compounds building up are directly dangerous for my kidneys THEMSELVES VS just potentially bad for other parts of my body? My liver can heal, it's done it before, my thyroid gland just grows back contunually, apparently, I NEED to prioritize my kidneys continued functioning right now, but everything online is a "general baby's guidelines to general kidney health"... Instead of giving me actual numbers to work with or straight answers.

Like did you know most guides say to have egg white but avoid yolks because of "potassium"... but the yolks only have about 18mg of potassium and the fucking whites have 65 and actually they are still considered a "low potassium" food and advisable, and most guides just vilify the yolks with bogus claims because "yolk bad"...

Other guides will just say the whole eggs is fine and an advisable source of protein.

I just want to know how much of each thing is in each food that will actually need to be processed by my kidneys, and what the safe mg limit of it is.

Because even a bag of green tea has 20mg of potassium in it, and it and coffee are still considered "low potassium" a fucking egg has up to 85mg in it and is considered "low potassium", but WHAT is my GOAL amount? In mg! Give me the actual numbers I am trying to stay under!!

I'd just ask my family doctor, but oh wait they 'patient fired' me and I don't have one.

"Turmeric and ginger can be a safe way to keep down swelling ^^" they say but they also say they have more potassium in them per volume than the things I am not supposed to eat, so maybe just give me the mg dose to stay under for the actual minerals and let me figure out what foods need to fit into that? This whole "food good" "food bad" system seems like down-talking people into complete uselessness. You know that thing people do where they try to dumb down and generalize guidelines so much that they actually make the information completely useless to everyone? I hate that.

I hate it so much.

And the answer can't be "just ask you doctor ^^" because mine dropped me so I do not have one and tbh they give you the same kind of useless answers.

Anyway, the best thing I can do right now is try to keep the swelling at bay enough to feed myself the safest options I can and hope that all these fluids at some point actually strip out whatever is offending my body so I can heal properly.

Like it genuinely took one singular day of not climbing in and out of my bunkbed anymore for the joint pain to halve itself, because I set up the living-room chair for sleeping in. One day. One day of straining my knee joint less and it doesn't feel like I am tearing it apart inside anymore.

At some point whatever is causing the various problems has to run out and then I can recover, keep a close eye on my kidneys by any means I have and get back to cleaning/organizing my apartment.

On the bright side I can drink coffee and green tea again. Like the down side it I kind of HAVE to... But I missed them anyway.

I'm just so tired of being in pain.

Somehow, I did an impressive amount of cleaning over the past couple days though, and the walk to the store, so maybe actually I've gotten a lot better and it just doesn't feel that way because I was forced to do too much.

I didn't think I could get sick of eating rice, berries, fish, and green tea but here we the fuck are.

Also apple cider vinegar is gross? It tastes fishy to me and I just bought it and it doesn't expire for 2 years, I think it just has decay amines in it that I react to? So it's gross and it makes me feel sick to my stomach, but it's one of those things that was supposed to help? Rude.

Omega-3 apparently helps with inflammation but I am running low.

In general, I am used to way more animal fats and calories than I can fit into my diet this way and I am a little worried that if this carries on too long my liver will start acting up like the first time too.

I miss steak so bad.

I want to order eggs from walmart but they need to fix my card first??

I want to be able to close my fists without feeling like I'm crushing my own joints... Or like, at all.

I don't even know if this can be gout anymore, I think half of what's wrong is a prolonged autoimmune reaction but I can't take anything to halt that which isn't -super- horrid for your kidneys.

I mean last time I recovered after a month and a half of daily loratadine but this time I don't want to push it. But also, if this is all my immune system attacking my kidneys, it might be the only way out??

I am in so much pain and I am just so sick of it.

But I got chocolates that have less potassium in 4 of them than an egg, so... [I also need to avoid sugar though, and I am so fucking hungry]

I am NOT allowed POTATOES :(

[weezly14]

so i used to use this more as a blog where i talked about my life and my feelings and there's been both a lot and nothing happening in my life lately but i sure do have feelings! so i'm gonna write it down and send vibes into the universe because why not. what else do i have to do today?

i've been a little MIA in terms of working on my fics. i've barely written. first it was a rough fucking winter; then summer kicked my ass just as bad. i hate summer.

"but why has it been rough?"

well, because i'm not fucking pregnant yet.

we've been trying for a baby (i hate this phrase) for ten months? ish? and nothing has happened. in school they made it sound like you skip protection once and you'll get knocked up; my mom got accidentally pregnant twice. and here i am, charting dates and peeing on ovulation predictor sticks and tracking symptoms and the whole nine yards, timing sex and taking fucking prenatals and vitamins and not eating sushi or steak during the two week wait and not drinking at all, and all i've gotten to show for it is my fucking period, every month like clockwork.

the studies say, it can take up to a year. yes, most couples get pregnant within six months, but sometimes it takes longer. sure, fine, whatever.

so it's been hard enough trying to get pregnant and then failing (because it does feel like failing, every time), but then two things happened in quick succession:

my best friend got pregnant, sort of accidentally;

i got sent for bloodwork and the results caused my doctor to refer me straight to a fertility clinic.

when i saw the results i cried, but i thought i was just spiraling and being over dramatic. sure, my AMH is really low, but it's technically still in range, and that's not everything, right? my other tests were mostly fine, not totally out of the normal range. then i called my doctor's office, only to be told "we're referring you to a clinic, your ob/gyn doesn't think you'll get pregnant without treatment."

it's a hell of a thing to be told while standing in the pasta aisle of a grocery store.

in the midst of being referred to the clinic, i of course googled. read articles and papers. cried to my husband, my mom, my friends. of course the clinic was booking weeks out; in three weeks i'll go for my first appointment. my mom said, well maybe now you'll get pregnant. it happens, you know - people struggle and then as soon as they get booked to see a specialist, or start IVF, they get pregnant.

my period started over the weekend. it was not a good time.

the thing about trying for a baby is that every month is the same fucking rollercoaster, only you can't get off, and despite knowing exactly how it'll go, it's still somehow traumatic every time. every cycle there's the devastation when your period starts, followed by the hopeful/planning mode of "let me now track ovulation, let's chart out when we need to have sex." then there's the actual sex - trying to still have fun with it as opposed to the clinical "literally all we need is for you to finish," though sometimes it is just the quickie before work or after dinner because it's Fertile Week and we need to optimize our chances so it doesn't matter if it's not very romantic, we can have romantic sex later. after that it's the waiting game, the two weeks of overanalyzing every ache, every twinge, of looking up expected due dates and thinking about how to announce to family and friends, of hoping and thinking that maybe you are actually pregnant - all followed by the two, three days leading up to your period where every trip to the bathroom has the potential to devastate. where every pms symptom is enough to set off a fresh round of tears until your period actually starts. i've stopped taking pregnancy tests early. the stark white negatives (or rude NO - on the digital tests) was too much for me to handle in my already hormonal, pms state.

it hasn't been a year, which makes me feel like i shouldn't be so upset already. on the other hand, my egg reserve is apparently incredibly low - that is, i'm rapidly running out of eggs, and who knows if the ones i've got are even any good. in three weeks we'll see a fertility specialist, and based on my extensive research and trolling on reddit and listening to podcasts, i'm fairly confident they're going to tell us it's IVF or bust.

because i'm running out of eggs, for reasons that might not exist, or might just be "sometimes things just suck for certain people." some people get a diagnosis of "unexplained infertility," which basically means the doctors have run every test and there's no reason you can't get pregnant. we aren't in that camp, we're likely in the "diminished ovarian reserve" camp. for reasons that are unexplained.

meanwhile, my best friend is pregnant, and i can't talk to her without crying.

we moved into a bigger house a year ago in preparation for kids. we got our finances in order, we made sure our marriage was solid, we planned - and now? we've always wanted two, maybe three. at this point i think we'll be lucky to get one. maybe i'm being pessimistic. i'm trying to be confident but also realistic. IVF doesn't work for everyone. even my clinic, which has the best numbers in the state, has a 63% success rate. sounds great, and it is - but that's 37% of couples who don't go home with a baby. nationally, the outcomes are something like 50ish% of IVF cycles will result in a live birth (they measure by both pregnancy and live birth, because even if you've managed to get pregnant, there's no guarantee you'll stay pregnant.)

today is a good day, by the way. today i can talk to my mom, i can call up our insurance, i can write this and be factual and calm and not crying. today i feel like we have a good chance, like we will end up with a take home baby. today i'm cleaning my house and looking up meal plans to increase my fertility. exercise regimens to help me get in shape to increase my fertility. tomorrow might be a bad day. bad days are when i can barely get off the couch, where i cry at the thought or mention of my fertility. where a tiktok of a dad and baby sends me spiraling. when it all feels fucking useless and unfair.

today is a good day. i don't know what tomorrow's going to be yet.

i've been isolating all summer, which isn't hard to do when most of my friends aren't local. but i find i don't want to be around anyone, really. i don't want to talk to people. i don't want to be asked how i'm doing, i don't want to be asked what's new or what i've been up to.

"i've been cleaning my house and trying to get pregnant and failing. last week i made a new recipe, and today i cried."

it's not an exciting life i'm leading these days. and anyway, no one wants to hear about fertility struggles.

it's not that i'm too stressed. i don't need to go on vacation, or get drunk and have sex, or relax and then i'll get pregnant. sure, i could use a vacation, but that's not the magic ticket. the problem isn't lack of sex. i have depression; the stress is always there, but that's why i see my therapist and my psychiatrist. that's why i take my meds and do my self-soothing shit.

i'm not pregnant because i'm just not. and hopefully the specialist will have a plan and hopefully that plan has a more than 30% chance of succeeding, and hopefully we get to bring a baby home - but today? today i'm not pregnant, and it's not a guarantee that i ever will be.

so even though today is a good day, i'm still really fucking sad.

but, you know. i'm trying to have hope.

that, too, is a cycle.

[samsaraandbeyond]

OC Introduction: Zin

Art drawn by Teh-Ray  

"Everything's going according to plan, my liege."

Design

Zin's first design, Art drawn by Teh-Ray

Zin was a mess. His original design was so close to the Morpher's that I simply gave him small differences from the default and a little cloak.

It didn't feel special enough to me even though I have a character that isn't too different from his default (though I find Ravio's more acceptable because his cape and crowns are more distinguishable and unique) so I thought "more raptor" would help, and it did!

Abilities / Traits

The (Mad?) Biologist

Professor (Disgaea 7)

Zin truly knows the INS AND OUTS of the living body; every pressure point, vital organ, and growths your insides shouldn't have. His expertise in the medical field enables him to perform life-saving surgeries, modify and enhance the genetic structures of his patients...

Or, y'know, just experiment on people.

"I assure you, my friend, zis procedure von't sting at all." - Zin

Expert Magic Mastery

Robin (Fire Emblem)

From black magic, white magic, illusions, geomancy, time magic, shapeshifting, teleportation, to summoning, Zin has knowledge of them all.

Despite knowing a wide variety of spells, Zin excels at support and healing magic; which aids in his medical skills listed above.

"Did you think me helpless? Hahahahahahaaaa, how horrible this vill turn out for you." - Zin

Adept Fighter

Jin (Tekken)

The magic ain't working, you gotta kick their ass.

Zin has mastered various hand-to-hand fighting techniques, including styles that implement the usage of knives and other bladed weapons.

"Zis vill be a test of your reflexes." - Zin

First Aid Specialist

Healing magic off the table? He can work with what she has.

Zin is educated in the ways of the organic body. He has knowledge of various diseases, poisons, their symptoms, knows the proper procedures for tending to a variety of injuries and conditions, and can improvise solutions should proper tools not be available.

"Zere! Good as new. Don't go undoing my handivork now, alright?" - Zin

Personality

A caring advisor overall, Zin has a tendency to let his curiosity get the best of him. He may let the possibility of learning something new take priority over someone's personal safety. Zin refers to the most basic of things as "tests" or "experiments" if he thinks there may be something to get out of it.

While he isn't socially inept, he may perform various "tests" on people to see how they react to his actions for his own personal research, such as acting or speaking differently, asking them out of left field questions, or giving them objects to see what they would do with them.

"What an interesting result. I'll add zis to my process later." - Zin

Backstory

To be added...

"Surely you can vait until later? Many things can happen in ze meantime." - Zin

[swasthyapro]

Cancer Screening Test: Investing in a Healthier Tomorrow

Cancer Screening Test: Investing in a Healthier Tomorrow

Good health is often taken for granted—until it's gone. The best time to care for your health is before a problem arises, not after. This is where the role of a cancer screening test becomes vital. Designed to detect early signs of cancer before symptoms even show, these tests empower you to make life-saving decisions early on.

At Swasthya Pro, we bring reliable, affordable, and accessible healthcare to your fingertips by offering a wide range of cancer screening tests through NABL Certified Labs and in collaboration with India’s most trusted diagnostic networks.

The Real Purpose of a Cancer Screening Test

A cancer screening test is not meant for people who are already ill—it’s specifically for people who feel healthy but may be at risk. Its primary purpose is to detect cancerous or precancerous conditions that may not yet show any symptoms. The sooner a cancer is found, the better the odds of successful treatment and recovery.

Different types of cancers can be identified early through various cancer screening tests, including breast, cervical, colorectal, prostate, oral, and lung cancers.

Understanding the Screening Process

Each cancer screening test has a specific method:

Mammography for breast cancer

Pap smear & HPV test for cervical cancer

Colonoscopy or stool tests for colorectal cancer

PSA blood test for prostate cancer

Low-dose CT scans for lung cancer (especially smokers)

These tests are often quick, minimally invasive, and can be lifesaving. At Swasthya Pro, we make the process even easier by offering at-home sample collection and fast result delivery.

Why You Shouldn't Wait

Delaying a cancer screening test can be dangerous. The earlier cancer is found, the higher the chance of a full recovery. Many cancers, when caught early, have treatment success rates of 90% or more. Conversely, late-stage detection often means limited options, higher costs, and a long recovery path.

Even if you don’t feel sick, regular cancer screening tests ensure that hidden threats are identified before they escalate. Prevention is always better than cure.

Who Should Get Screened?

Anyone aged 30 and above, especially with any of the following risk factors, should consider routine cancer screening tests:

Family history of cancer

Smoking, tobacco, or alcohol use

Sedentary lifestyle

Obesity or unhealthy eating habits

Long-term exposure to toxins

Viral infections like HPV or Hepatitis B/C

Cancer can strike anyone—gender, age, or location doesn't shield you. Proactive screening is your strongest line of defense.

Swasthya Pro: Making Preventive Health Accessible

Swasthya Pro stands apart in the healthcare industry because of its dedication to quality and accessibility. When you book a cancer screening test through us, you're assured of:

NABL Certified Labs

Advanced testing technologies

Transparent pricing

Personalized recommendations

Nationwide sample collection and support

We're partnered with India's most reputed certified and accredited laboratories, ensuring that your health is in the best hands possible.

Choosing the Right Screening for You

Not all cancer screening tests are relevant for everyone. The type of test you need depends on your age, medical history, and lifestyle. For example:

Women over 40 should undergo mammograms regularly

Men over 50 should consider prostate screening

Individuals with a family history should start screening earlier than average

Smokers and alcohol users should consider lung and oral cancer tests

Swasthya Pro makes it simple to choose the right test for you, with expert guidance at every step.

Breaking the Taboo Around Cancer

One of the biggest challenges is the fear and stigma associated with cancer. Many people avoid a cancer screening test out of denial or fear of a positive result. But not knowing doesn't make the risk go away—in fact, it only increases it.

It’s time to normalize preventive health. Routine cancer screening tests should be treated as essential health checks, just like blood pressure or sugar monitoring.

Easy Booking. Reliable Results.

In today’s digital age, healthcare should be fast, affordable, and stress-free. At Swasthya Pro, we’ve ensured that booking your cancer screening test is just a few clicks away. You can schedule your test online, choose home sample collection if available, and receive your reports via email or our secure dashboard.

Take the step today—your future self will thank you.

A Smart Step Today Can Save Your Tomorrow

Getting a cancer screening test isn’t just about health—it’s about confidence, control, and long-term peace of mind. Whether you’re 30 or 60, healthy or concerned, taking a proactive approach with Swasthya Pro ensures you're covered.

The risks of not testing are far greater than the small effort of booking a cancer screening test. Don't let hesitation delay your well-being.

Final Words: Health is Wealth, Truly

Preventive health should never be an afterthought. A cancer screening test is a small step that can have a massive impact on your life and the lives of your loved ones. Swasthya Pro, with its NABL Certified Labs and trusted diagnostic partners across India, is committed to bringing this essential care within everyone’s reach.

Make your move now—don’t wait for symptoms. Your health, your future, your choice.

[metroeyemdqueens]

Is LASIK Surgery Safe? An Honest Look at the Risks, Benefits, and What to Expect

If you’ve been researching ways to improve your vision and reduce dependency on glasses or contacts, LASIK surgery has probably come up. It’s a fast, effective, and widely used procedure — but just how safe is it?

Before making any decisions about your eyes, it’s important to understand how LASIK works, its safety record, and whether you’re a good candidate.

What Is LASIK?

LASIK (Laser-Assisted In Situ Keratomileusis) is a minimally invasive laser eye surgery that corrects vision by reshaping the cornea. When the shape of the cornea is adjusted, light focuses properly on the retina, improving vision.

LASIK is commonly used to treat:

Nearsightedness (myopia)

Farsightedness (hyperopia)

Astigmatism

The entire process usually takes less than 30 minutes, and most people are back to their daily routines within a day or two.

Is LASIK a Safe Procedure?

Yes — LASIK is considered very safe when performed on the right candidates by trained professionals using advanced technology. Millions of successful procedures have been done globally, and its safety has been supported by over two decades of medical research.

Here’s what the numbers say:

More than 95% of patients achieve 20/25 vision or better

LASIK has a very low complication rate (under 1%)

It consistently ranks as one of the most satisfying elective procedures

Safety outcomes improve significantly when the clinic uses modern diagnostic tools and customizes the procedure to your eye shape and prescription.

What Side Effects Are Possible?

While LASIK is highly safe, it’s still surgery — and as with any medical procedure, there are risks. Most side effects are temporary and resolve during the healing period. These may include:

Dry eyes

Glare or halos around lights, especially at night

Mild discomfort or fluctuating vision

Most patients find that these symptoms fade within a few days to weeks. In rare cases, enhancements or further treatment may be recommended to optimize results.

Who Should Get LASIK — and Who Shouldn't?

Not everyone is a suitable candidate. You may qualify if you:

Are 18 or older

Have a stable vision prescription

Do not have chronic dry eyes or corneal disease

Are not pregnant or breastfeeding

A full consultation with an eye care provider will involve detailed testing to ensure the surgery is appropriate for you.

Final Thoughts

LASIK has a strong record of safety, high satisfaction, and rapid results. While risks exist — as they do with any surgical procedure — they’re minimal when the surgery is done correctly and the patient is properly evaluated. If you’re thinking about correcting your vision, LASIK could be a safe and life-changing solution.

📍 Explore LASIK at Metro Eye MD Queens Our experienced team offers advanced LASIK evaluations and procedures in a comfortable, patient-first environment. 📍 200-20 44th Ave, Auburndale, NY 11361 📞 Call us at (718) 423-2020 to schedule your personalized consultation today!

[freezerbnuuy]

Act 5:15- Absolution (Page 2)

LORE | CHARACTERS | ABOUT / WARNINGS | CHAPTERS

← PREVIOUS | BEGINNING | NEXT →

Owen

I have had no choice but to become my own case study. 

I believe I have ruled out every other possible known illness I could have that match the symptoms. I'd even sent desperate letters to the Viridis and Charm families to see if they had experienced anything similar, or members of their families. I never received a reply from either. Isidora is a madwoman obsessed with faeries, and Evadne only cares for herself.

I also think back to Reynold and his overcharge issue - specifically that he, too, had his arcane training withheld from him for much of his life. Is my body not accustomed to its own power, the way his wasn't either? Or is it simply part of the aging process of a spellcaster?

Had Samuel not prevented me from continuing learning about my own magic, would I have developed this condition at all? Should I be encouraging Tilly more to practice in private, so she does not end up with something similar?

Many conditions can improve by gradually building strength in the affected part of the body. I believe the only way I can learn more about this condition is by constantly testing my own limits and recording the results. If I cannot help anyone else with it, then I can at least help myself and, in turn, help others. It will have to get worse before it can get better.

Some days, I am confined to bed by pain and lethargy. Josiah and the other apprentices can handle a good amount of the appointments, but I have had to cancel many of my own. My patients are rightfully furious, but there is little I can do for now.

The doors swing open, and Lydia enters, beautiful as ever. 

"Another one down," she says, wiping her brow. "A leg off in only nine seconds - not bad at all! The apprentices are doing well. Only one of them was sick in the bathroom afterwards. I just wish I could do more for the patients and their pain, that's all."

"I'm sure some day in the future, you could cut off a leg and they wouldn't even know it."

"We can only hope, my love. Anyhow, I just wanted to check in on you," she says, with an element of sternness to her voice. "I think there's something you're not telling me again. You know you can talk to me, don't you? I am your wife."

Valravn's voice echoes in my mind: Tell her. "Keeping your feelings from your wife is doing neither of you any good!"

"I don't want to worry her."

"She's worried specifically because you're not talking to her! Talk to her or I'll claw up your furniture and I'll soil your favourite slippers!"

"Will you stop with the inane threats? If you want me to tell her, then shut your beak and let me think!"

"There's...a lot to think about of late, my dear."

"Is this to do with your condition, or is this to do with the argument you had with Lord Volpe?"

"Both, if I'm perfectly - Oh? You heard that?"

"I heard Volpe raise his voice, yes. The children ran in scared, but I got them back to sleep."

Now they're even more afraid of Volpe than they were previously, and it's partially my own fault.

"I must be entirely honest with you, Lydia - Eduardo found out that the vampire cure I gave him was fake. He also accused me of Samuel's murder, to which I said I did not care for his death. I warned Eduardo that if he continued in his ways, then he would end up like Samuel."

"You said what? What about our family, Owen? What about your position? Your condition?!"

"I don't know, Lydia! I don't know how to balance any of this! I have a family to protect, an ailment to figure out, and a profession to keep up, and I cannot manage all of those things at once without disappointing anyone!"

She glares at me. "Who on Earth do you think you're talking to?!"

"I apologise, Lydia. I shouldn't have raised my voice." I clench my fingers together until my hands stop shaking.  

"It's my duty as the family patriarch to look after us all. I know that my position and unwellness make it difficult, but within time, things will improve. Allow me to show you."

With Valravn's assistance, I manage to conjure a Katharis spell in my hands. They glow a bright and steady blue, and all I feel is a sort of numbness in my fingers.

"I see. That's a lot stronger than it was before."

"Indeed. The progress isn't as fast as I'd like, but progress is progress, hm?"

"Darling, this is wonderful!" she exclaims. "But you still need to be careful."

This is the longest I've held a steady Katharis spell in a long time.

"I believe the only way this is going to get better is by using it enough that my body gets accustomed to it."

"But it's leaving you bedridden some days."

"I understand, but such is the nature of some-"

I hear Valravn's voice briefly in my mind before a burning pain strikes through my fingers, down my back and up to my shoulders. A headache tears through the front of my skull. 

"What did I tell you?"

Lydia catches me before I fall, and Valravn flies up, hovering at the other side of the room. I try and regain my breath. A tingling feeling spreads through my legs and arms, and strange sparkling colours cross my vision. Interestingly, I don't feel a warmth trickling from my nose this time. There's no blood.

"That was close. You're lucky your wife was there."

"Thank you again for your warning, Valravn. "

"That's…the longest I've kept a spell going for a while, and there's no blood," I tell her, through unsteady breaths. "Whatever it is I'm doing must be working to some extent, but even then, there will be good days and bad days - and they may be tough to predict."

Lydia places a comforting hand on my shoulder. The numbness is starting to dissipate, and my vision is clearing.

"It isn't just us, either, Lydia. I have to do something about Volpe before he kills every witch in Henford. I fear that he may come for us, but if I don't help to do something about him, he'll come for us anyhow."

The striking pain in my leg is worse than usual. Lydia helps me to sit at the desk, my hands still shaking from the spell.

[ediagnocareservice0]

ECG test service at home: Convenience and Peace of Mind for Your Heart Health

Fitting doctor appointments into a busy schedule can be tough. And for some people, the clinical setting itself can cause anxiety, making a simple ECG test feel overwhelming. That's where ECG test service at home comes in. This convenient option allows you to get a valuable heart health assessment from the comfort of your own home.

When is ECG test service at home Right for You?

ECG test service at home isn't a one-size-fits-all solution. Here are some situations where it might be a good fit:

Limited Mobility: If you have difficulty getting around, an at-home ECG test eliminates the need to travel to a clinic or hospital.

Anxiety in Clinical Settings: Some people experience anxiety in clinical settings. At-home testing allows you to complete the test in a familiar and relaxing environment.

Preventive Care: If you're concerned about your heart health but don't have any specific symptoms, a convenient at-home ECG test can be a proactive step.

However, it's important to note that ECG test service at home also has some limitations:

Need for Proper Training: A technician will visit your home to perform the test, but proper training is crucial for accurate results. Ediagno prioritizes qualified technicians to ensure a reliable testing experience.

Potential for Inconclusive Results: Sometimes, factors like improper electrode placement or excessive movement can lead to inconclusive results. In such cases, a follow-up test in a controlled environment may be necessary.

The Benefits of At-ECG test service at home with Ediagno

Ediagno offers a seamless ECG test service at home experience with several advantages:

Convenience: Schedule your test at a time that fits your busy schedule. A qualified technician will visit your home to perform the test.

Comfort: Relax in the familiar surroundings of your own home, eliminating clinic anxiety.

Fast Results: Receive your ECG results quickly and easily through a secure online portal.

Doctor Support: Ediagno can connect you with a doctor to review your results and discuss any next steps.

How Does ECG test service at home Work with Ediagno?

Here's a quick overview of the at-ECG test service at home process with Ediagno:

Schedule Your Test: Visit Ediagno's website or call them to schedule an appointment for at-home ECG testing.

The Test: A qualified technician will visit your home at the scheduled time. They will explain the procedure and answer any questions you may have. The ECG itself is a painless process that involves attaching electrodes to your chest and limbs to record your heart's electrical activity.

Receive Your Results: Once the test is complete, the technician will send the data to a qualified professional for analysis. You will receive your results electronically within a short timeframe, usually within 24 hours.

Doctor Consultation: Ediagno can connect you with a doctor to review your results and discuss any follow-up recommendations.

At-ECG test service at home offers a convenient and accessible way to monitor your heart health. If you're considering this option, Ediagno provides a reliable and efficient service with qualified technicians and secure online results.

Peace of Mind for Your Heart Health

Taking charge of your heart health is essential. An ECG test service at home with Ediagno empowers you to do just that. Whether you have concerns about your heart health or simply want a proactive approach to well-being, this convenient option provides valuable insights from the comfort of your own home.

Remember, early detection is key when it comes to heart health issues. If you experience any concerning symptoms like chest pain, shortness of breath, or heart palpitations, consult a doctor immediately. At-ECG test service at home is a valuable tool, but it shouldn't replace professional medical advice.

[shr0mwzrd]

And if you have POTS or some other conditions, you may need significantly more salt than other people!

I don't have an official diagnosis yet bc the *intake* appointment with my cardiologist was scheduled like 6 months out from when I called and is still yet to occur, let alone the tilt-table test specifically ordered by a cardiologist which is needed for concrete diagnosis 😅 but based on my symptoms, my primary doctor is pretty sure I have POTS. Some of the main symptoms I have which relate to this are lightheadedness and/or dizziness (esp when going from sitting to standing or moving around a lot (thus the 'Postural Orthostatic part)), fatigue, brain fog, muscle cramping, and irritable/inconsistent bowels. One of the main diagnostic criteria for POTS is a heart rate increase of 30 BPM or more within a minute or two of standing, which I have had confirmed at my general doctor by having my pulse taken immediately after walking from the waiting room to the exam room and then again A few minutes after I had been seated again - you can easily recreate this basic test at home!

All this to say, if you have a POTS diagnosis or experience most/all of the above symptoms, it's likely that your salt needs are higher than average!

There's a good way to test for this at home as well! Obviously we should all strive to get water and electrolytes generally, but if you find yourself particularly lightheaded one day, you can do the Salt Test. Basically, get your little salt shaker/container, pour a tiny little pinch (we're talking like small fractions of a teaspoon here) into your free hand, and then lick it all up at once. If you have enough salt, then the salt will taste...salty lol. BUT!!! Crucially, if you're LOW on salt, then those little licks will taste almost savory - definitely a pleasant taste and not "oh yeah I just put straight up salt in my mouth." If a tiny lick of salt tastes really yummy, you just basically keep doing those small licks until it stops tasting yummy and starts tasting like "just salt" - the transition between the last two licks you take will be very noticable. It's ESSENTIAL that you take water before and after this as well for proper absorption and hydration. All that being said, doing this has definitely made a lot of dizzy days significantly better for me VERY fast, and as a result I started taking 1000mg salt pills every day with my morning meds / breakfast, which has made a huge deal in how often I get particularly bad dizzy spikes!

So yeah, everybody please hydrate and get your electrolytes! And for those of us who have or might have POTS or similar conditions, I would strongly recommend doing a bit of research / consult with your general practitioner about increasing your salt intake! Doing the Salt Test as described above really shouldn't have any major health implications if you try it once or twice just to see or have to do it occasionally (1-3 times a week maybe) to help with lightheadedness, but I would advise everyone to make sure they're sure before significantly altering their salt intake, as that can have negative effects of you have a significantly higher salt intake than you need.

Stay safe and stay hydrated!

it's incredible how much better I feel now that I've had a gatorade

[imaginesforjohnnydepp]

Wait, What???

tw: MENTIONS OF PREGNANCY, BLOOD, SEX

One early October morning, Sidney found herself in the waiting room of her doctor's office, waiting for her name to be called as she played a word game on her phone. No one knew she was here; she told Nick that she was tying up loose ends from the wedding, but Sidney had a feeling that her mom knew what she was really up to. Nothing gets past Simone Severin. Today, Sidney was getting some blood work done for possible signs of pregnancy, she was experiencing all of the symptoms: morning (all day) sickness, fatigue, weird cravings. She took a pregnancy test a week ago and it came back positive but Sidney just chalked it up as a false positive, so she wanted a second opinion.

She looked up when the door to the waiting room opened, and a short woman with an iPad walked through. The lady looked up and her eyes landed on Sidney. "Sidney? Dr. Landry is ready for you." Sidney gathered her purse and followed the receptionist to a door with marked with the number 3 and opened the door. "She went to take a personal call but she should be with you shortly." With that, the woman walked out, closing the door behind her and Sidney was alone once again.

She started to worry: was it too early to have a baby? Of course they wanted to have kids, but they wanted to wait at least a year. They'd just hit the two month mark, and Nick would be on tour with his brothers until the middle of next year, which would be the entire pregnancy. The door opened again and Dr. Landry poked her head in the door.

"Good morning Sidney! So according to your chart you're getting some bloodwork done, correct?" Sidney nodded, a tight-lipped smile on her face. Dr. Landry had a knowing look in her eyes about the real reason the young woman wanted a blood test; she's also been in Sidney's position before as a patient wanting a pregnancy test. "Okay, let's get you started." The older woman went through the drawers in the room, pulling out needles, alcohol wipes and other equipment before instructing Sidney to make a fist before putting the needle in her arm.

Sidney watched as the blood went through the plastic tube and drip into the syringe and Dr. Landry gently pulled the needle from the vein and replaced it with a cotton pad and a bandage. "There! All done. If you want, you can either wait for the results or I can give you a call in a few days. It shouldn't take longer than a few hours. Two at most." "I don't mind waiting."

The doctor looked at her more closely. "Sidney, was this a pregnancy test by any chance?" Sidney nodded again, hiding her face in a curtain of her dark hair. She absolutely loves Dr. Landry; the two have known each other since Sidney was fourteen. They've covered birth control, sex, periods. Nothing was off limits, and Sidney never felt embarrassed. "I just wanted to be absolutely sure. I did one of those home pregnancy tests and it turned out positive but I just wanted a second opinion."

She listed all her symptoms and the weird cravings and Dr. Landry took note of everything on an iPad. "It definitely does sound like pregnancy, but I can tell just by looking at you. Your face is a little bit fuller than the last time I saw you." Sidney had a questioning look on her face at that, because Dr. Landry followed that up by saying, "I've been around this block before, as a patient and as a doctor. Moms always know. When I was pregnant with my first, before I even started telling people, I was meeting my mother for lunch and before I could even properly greet her, she asked me what colors I thought would look good in a nursery."

Sidney left a few minutes later, hoping to pass the time in Barnes and Noble where she updated her membership status and browsed for books, and the time just flew by. She was sitting at a table in the Starbucks, twenty pages into her newest read when her phone started ringing. Dr. Landry with the test results. "Hello?" The doctor's next sentence was enough for Sidney to drop to the floor. "Congratulations Mrs. Jonas."

[fluffydisneyprincess]

So I was diagnosed with a kidney disease last year and never talked about it

I'm just gonna ramble out the whole story here because I think I need to.

So two years ago I go in to my doctor because of chronic fatigue. I could sleep for HOURS and still be fighting to stay awake when I got up. Sometimes I'd wake up feeling energized and would crash in an hour or two anyway. My doctor could have easily just dismissed me. I have depression/anxiety. I'm a little overweight. He could have just said there's a number of things causing it. Instead he trusted me that I knew something was off and he sent me for tests.

The tests come back and things were mostly normal except two significant pieces of information. The first, this is exactly how he said it, "You aren’t anemic.... yet." I don't know why but I still find it funny. The second was some protein in my urine test. I hadn't been sick in months and didn't have any symptoms of a UTI so that shouldn't have been happening.

More testing. I was actually visiting my best friend in Oklahoma when I got the call about the results. This time he found something in my blood that usually acts as a marker for a rheumatoid issue. People do have it without having rheumatism but I had slightly higher levels of it. He was worried about Lupus and so I was referred to a Rheumetologist. Naturally having your PCP tell you he's concerned about Lupus is um... not good. I didn't handle it well.

Fast forward and I'm feeling silly sitting in a Rheumetologist's office. I had no outward symptoms of anything rheumatoid. No pain or weakness or anything. But the protein bothered the doctor, so more tests were ordered. This went on for a few months with the doctor getting more and more frustrated because that one factor aside I was perfectly healthy. All my other levels were normal. (I have to admit it was both amusing and terrifying to watch. I'd never seen a doctor so stumped but it also meant I wasn't getting answers.) Finally, he decides to refer me to a Nephrologist. A kidney doctor.

It went on for a short while with the kidney doctor and rheumatologist going back and forth as the protein continued to show up in my tests at an alarming level. Neither had a clue. So finally the kidney doctor said he wanted me to have a kidney biopsy done.

If you've never had a kidney biopsy, just imagine being punched really hard in the kidney. Twice. Only I was lucky and they didn't get enough of a sample on one of the tries and I got THREE punches. There was pain medication but maybe I wasn't taking to it as well because the nurse looked really confused when I was showing signs of pain. And continued to be in pain for the next two to three days.

It was a few weeks after the biopsy before I finally got a call about results. IgA Nephropathy. From the way I understand it basically my kidneys weren't working the way they should and weren't filtering properly.

Fun fact: If you try to look up info on IgA Nephropathy one of the first questions to come up is about life expectancy. 🙃 That wasn't terrifying at all. I forced myself to look further and even dared searching that one particular suggestion. With proper treatment and management most people with it live long happy lives but beyond that I found... almost nothing.

They don't know what causes it. They don't know know if it's preventable. It's apparently the most common of that particular type of kidney disease, but I couldn’t find how common that type of disease was. Which led me to the incredibly frustrating reality that I'm in now.

There is nothing I can do. Sure, cutting back on salt and drinking plenty of water is good for your kidneys overall, but as far as my specific disease goes there's nothing. No change in my diet or lifestyle will slow down its progression. The literal only thing I can do is exactly what my doctor says. As of my last appointment my levels were going up again so in about two weeks I have to get testing done again. Right now the doctor is trying to avoid putting me on something that would leave me immunocompromised, but it's not off the table.

Because you know what happens if the disease progresses far enough? Kidney failure.

And, as an added bonus I still haven't explained to my mother, trying to have children *will* speed up the progression of the disease on top of what would already be a complicated and high risk pregnancy. Guess who isn't playing with those odds.

So, yeah. It's been hard to get off my mind lately. It's so fucked up that it was more random than a dice roll for me to wind up with this and yet-- here we are. To say it's not been good for the mental health is an understatement.

[eponymous-rose]

Big sigh of relief today! (Tw for cancer, parental death under the cut)

So it's been almost two years since Mom died of ovarian cancer, and one of the super fun things I learned in the process is that certain kinds of cancer have a strong genetic component. For ovarian cancer, the presence of certain genes can boost your lifetime chance of ovarian cancer from 1.8% (general population baseline) to 50%.

Shortly before she died, my mom managed to get a full genetic workup (we actually got the results a few days after she died) that came back negative, which was a spectacular gift, but I was also very aware that there are very few women on Dad's side of the family and honestly I was just getting anxious about my own chances - seeing someone go from "I'm going to the doctor's office about this upset stomach I can't shake" to dead in five months will do that to you.

Luckily I have phenomenal insurance through work (which obviously shouldn't be a thing, fucking give everyone universal health care as a basic human right regardless of employment status, but I digress), and the campus I work at has some world-class folks working in oncology and genetics. So I got a series of meetings with specialists to talk about me getting genetic testing, and then an appointment this morning to talk to a surgeon/genetics expert about my results.

Everything's negative on my end! Due to a variety of factors, I may actually have a slightly lower lifetime risk than the general population. I learned that I might want to go back on hormonal bc (10 years on the pill have been associated with 40% reduction in ovarian cancer risk, and a hearty fuck-you while I'm at it to everyone who even casually lobbies against birth control) and if I ever go to get my tubes tied, I may want to get the tubes removed altogether instead, but otherwise I'm good to go about my life.

I have a number I can call if anything changes (new cancers in my family, that sort of thing) or if I notice even slightly worrying symptoms. The regular screening methods currently in use for ovarian cancer have not shown any positive effect (and in low-risk patients - of which I am now officially one! - there is a negative effect recorded in the form of false positives leading to unnecessary surgeries), so she recommended against that in my case.

For my fellow ovary-havers: ovarian cancer does have symptoms, but they're often so general that they get dismissed by medical professionals in favor of more ordinary ailments (mom was at the drugstore picking up a prescription for diverticulitis when the doctor's office called to say it actually wasn't diverticulitis after all): bloating, urinary frequency changes, changes in bowel habits... but what really matters is an acute and severe flare of those things. So it's important to be aware of your baseline and take action when there are any major changes.

So, yeah. Feels good (and surreal) after two years to no longer have a potentially dangerous surgery hanging over me (removal of the ovaries super early is associated with higher risk of heart disease, osteoporosis, and dementia, to say nothing of the fun of early menopause). At the same time, I'm extremely aware of how lucky I am to be in a place (both physically and just, y'know, economically?) where all of this expertise was at my disposal and never cost a penny out of pocket.

[glorioustidalwavedefendor]

This is so informative!!!

Your welcome <3

Yeah a lot of my stuff was missed because I was twice exceptional at school. My disabilities made me look like a really good student and hide them. Though my lack of having to do work and study made me struggle later on. I started off with straight A's and ended up average and struggling in school by the end,

Story as old as time :-(

I heard from so many gifted kids that they never learned how to study becasu ethey didn't need to ... until they did ...

It doesn't really help that you have both ADHD and ASD since they tend to balance each other out (same as ADHD and anxiety or ADHD and deperssion ... ) -- not enough to not struggle, but enough to, on the outside, seem just mostly normal (and maybe lazy) enough to not get either diagnosed ...

*sigh*

I personally wasn't exceptional at school, just average

With horrible spelling, massive trouble at math, and constant chaos

But I managed

There where kids in my class that had overall much worse grades

So idk ... I guess everyone just shrugged, decided I wasn't good enough to invest in me and not bad enough to need help and that was that *shrug*

plus I was starting to be aware of how much I wasn't like other people and how much my social needs weren't being met as a loner and weird kid.

Deffinietly

That's why I love the uggly duckling

It's such a nice tought to one day find out what one is and find ones own people :-)

Becasue yeah, I make a pretyt shity duck, no matter how hard I work

But I am not a bad penguin XD

-> Deffinietly not a swan though XD

Even though my mother had diagnosed ADHD and likely autism and definitely dyslexia, she was just happy that she had a kid that wouldn't be picked on for "being stupid" like her and unfortunately that made her, and everyone else, miss that I had them too.

Same here

I am so sorry :-(

My mom didn't have any official diagnoses, but she did suck in school and now that I have my diagnosis I am relatively shure that she has at least ADHD and dyslexia as well ...

SO wenn I had the same problems she just thought:

"Well, I shouldn't have had kids. I was a dum dum so obviously my kids would be dum dums ... "

And that was it XD

She DID notice that something was wrong with me wenn I was still little and did drag me from psychiatrist to psychiatrist

But they all decided I was perfectly fine *eyeroll* and my mom was just hysterical and wanted attention ...

*sigh*

You are so so so hot for all this.

Thank you <3

This may be annoying people with me re-blogging back and forth

Hey, your blog your rules XD

but this is shit that people need to read.

I am just giving back XD

I only got my diagnose beacsue of tumblr

Like I would never have thought I had ADHD

But I read the posts and then I thought maybe I have it?

And then I did some free ADHD tests on teh internet and though maybe?

-> there are some where you have to sign up but at least back then there where some that where free and imidiate

And I got that book "driven to distraction" and I thought I will highlight everything that happened to me too, or that I can identfy with

By teh end the whole book was mostly green and so much shit in my live suddenyl made sense

And I was so angry XD

But I also had enough "amunition" to get my official diagnose :-)

Thank you so very much random person. 😁

You're very welcome

Saddly I dodn't really tag my posts (the ADHD chaos is strong with this one), so looking for ADHD on my blog will give results but there is no rhyme or reason to it XD

But here is some stuff that might be helpfull

This is girl/women focused stuff, no sure if you will find it helpfull (I saw in your bio you use she/her/they)

But I am just gonna share it, in case you do

And this is a very god lecture (it's where I heard about "driven to distraction" I think?)

I started to watch it becasue I saw a post (this one) on tumblr where he talks about teh fact that ADHD kids have no friends and why and I felt like he was describing my childhood ...

It's what realyl made me wonder if I have ADHD

Becasue everyoen always talks about the hyperactivity and teh distractibility

But few people talk about teh socila isolaton ...

This is teh first part

The whole thing is realyl long but really good IMHO

I dodn' agree with everyting but it's very informative

few ... long post

sorry XD

Hope some of it is helpfull :-)

Oh wait

This one is also good

love Luigi Mangione looking like peak health with gnarly fucking back pain. it'll probably fly over so many people's heads but it's just great to see perfect examples of "looking healthy" don't mean Jack fucking shit especially in a shitty healthcare system.

because no one says it aloud but subconsciously everyone thinks you deserve bad health, that bad health is a punishment, that bad health is consequences that you brought upon yourself.