#“where's bill? this post should have bill in it!” other half of my followers

[pfffsfic]

robsicle friendship(?) doodles!

[mavrintarou]

[11:16 PM] Sakusa Kiyoomi

It's been a while since I last posted about Omi-Omi. Happy (belated) Valentine's Day!

Warning: mild angst but reconciled and happy smut (18+)

.

Kiyoomi set his gym bag in the usual spot of his apartment. Tonight, his home felt unusually cold and empty.

Switching the lights on, he is met with two floating balloons and a bag with red and pink hearts printed all over it.

He let out a chuckle and grabbed the bag, pulling out the tissue paper that was stuffed inside. He found all sorts of chocolate inside, his favorite chocolates.

Happy Valentine’s Day, jerk.

Y/n

Kiyoomi released a deep sigh. He and Y/n had gotten into an argument two nights ago, he couldn’t even remember what it was about. But it was 48 hours of silence from Y/n, 48 hours of emptiness.

The phone line rang repeatedly until it went to her voicemail.

He’s sent her three texts and they were left unread.

“C’mon…” he whispered, pacing around his place. “Pick up, please…”

A click came from the other line and he exhaled, “Y/n, thank goodness, where – “

“Hi, this isn’t Y/n but I’m her coworker!”

Kiyoomi frowned, and growled, “where is Y/n?”

“We are at a company dinner and she’s here… a little intoxicated…”

Kiyoomi could hear mumblings in the background, “… who is it…”

“Where are you guys?” he asked, heading to the shoe rack to put his shoes on.

He heard muffling but couldn’t hear clearly.

“… don’t tell him where I am…”

“… he’s mean and I don’t – I don’t wanna see him right now…”

His heart dropped.

“Hi, hello? Are you still there? Omi? Is this Omi with a white heart emoji next to your name? The Omi that is mean?”

“Yes,” Kiyoomi answered defeatedly, “this is Omi.”

“Look,” whoever this person on the other line whispered, “she keeps saying you are mean and she doesn’t want to see you but I secretly know she does, women to women, she wants to see you… we’re… we’re at the XXXX restaurant.” She paused before whispering loudly, “come get your girl!”

.

Kiyoomi’s strides were only half their usual length, and he inserted a two-second pause between each step. Y/n, with a gloomy mood, followed four feet behind him.

Arriving at the restaurant, he discovered her sitting sadly at the end of the table, all alone. Her colleagues were accompanied by their partners, but Y/n was left by herself. Kiyoomi felt a lump of guilt in his throat; he should have been there with her.

Their most recent argument stemmed from this issue. Y/n had requested him to cut short his training if possible for one night, but he declined, emphasizing the priority of his training.

“I’m simply asking if you could leave an hour earlier, or even thirty minutes early to make it to dinner, if it’s feasible. Can you not even manage that?” Her voice was tinged with angst.

“No, you understand how important my training is. I can’t simply leave early for something like this.”

Something like this…

Now, he felt the full weight of guilt engulfing him.

He halted and glanced back, noticing that Y/n had also come to a stop, gazing into the distance. Following her gaze, he spotted a small shop with claw and capsule machines.

He is reminded of his snarky comment about her liking such stupid things.

Walking up to her, he waited until she looked at him. “Let’s go,” he said jerking his head towards the shop.

Her cheeks were still rosy from the alcohol, her eyes weren’t as lively as they should be. “No,” she grumbles, looking away with a pout. “It’s just stupid stuff,” she attempted to walk around him when he caught her wrist and began tugging her towards the store. “What are you doing?”

He ignores her question and tugs her gently along until they get to the change machine. Stuffing a few bills inside to exchange for tokens. “What would you like?”

She looked at the handful of tokens and then his eyes, and with a weary tone she asked, “why are you doing this?”

“Because you like it and it makes you happy,” his tone is gentle and careful, “and I want to see you happy.” He puts a handful of tokens in her palm. “Go, show me what makes you happy.”

Still pouty, she closed her fingers around the token and walked around him.

Kiyoomi smiled to himself, knowing deep down she was excited.

.

“Are you satisfied with your wins?” He stared at the bag full of plushies and capsule toys.

Y/n nodded, restraining a bright smile on her lips. “Thank you,” she whispered.

Seizing the opportunity, Kiyoomi extended his left hand, asking, “can you hold my hand?” He let out a quite breath when she placed her palm in his. They walked side by side in silence.

“Where are we going?” she asked quietly.

“Let’s go grab some junk food at 7/11 and... my place?” He prayed she would come over but instead, she looked at him as if he had two heads. Chuckling, he knew why she was looking at him weirdly. He was completely against eating any junk food, let alone anything from a convenience store. “A little junk food won’t kill me.”

“It might make you sick though?”

“Shh, don’t jinx me like that.”

.

Sure enough, it did make him feel sick.

All he ate was a cup of instant ramen, and within less than an hour, he started experiencing stomach churning.

“I told you,” Y/n scolded, yet concern was written all over her face. She quickly ushered him to lie down on the couch.

If it meant for Y/n to nurse him and show him affection again, the stomach ache was worth it.

He groaned, “it hurts…”

Digging through her purse, she tried to look for her pill box. “Here, take this medication. It’ll help with the tummy ache.”

He accepted the small pill and popped it into his mouth, taking it down with water. He grabbed her hand, “rub my tummy like you did that one time.”

Y/n hesitated, staring at him suspiciously before reaching to push his shirt up to reveal his abdomen. She ignored the ripples of muscles and put pressure on a certain area of his body.

Kiyoomi groaned, feeling instant relief.

She reached for his hand and placed it with hers, “when you have a tummy ache, always press this pressure point.”

She was about to stand up when he stopped her. Panicking he asked, “wait, where are you going?”

“I’m just going to make you some rice soup.”

He still pouted, watching her walk away to his kitchen.

A few minutes later, she returned with a bowl of steaming contents. “Bland, just the way you like it,” she mentioned, taking a seat on the edge of the couch. “How is your stomach feeling?”

“It’ll feel a lot better if you do it…”

Y/n scoffed and slapped his hand away, “you’re such a baby.”

“Correction, I’m your baby…”

Y/n narrowed her eyes at him, “who are you and what have you done to Kiyoomi?”

Kiyoomi’s lips turned downwards. “Omi…” he corrected quietly. When she doesn’t respond he bites his lips nervously. “I’m sorry.”

Her brow raised, and she looked at him as if she didn’t comprehend what he was saying.

“I’m sorry,” he says again, louder this time. “I have been a jerk and insensitive to you… I have not been compromising and mean to you and I’m sorry,” he bowed his head. “I don’t want you to be mad at me anymore. I’ll do better, I promise. Please don’t leave me.” His voice cracked at his last part of his sentence.

“Leave you? Who said I was leaving you?”

“But you didn’t want to see me?”

Y/n frowned, confused. “When did I say that?”

“Earlier on the phone, I heard you telling your coworker that you didn’t want to see me…” very quietly he added, “that hurt my feelings.” He felt childish but he wanted to be honest.

“I didn’t want to see you is very different from I’m leaving you,” Y/n clarified. She sighed, running a hand through her hair before reaching for the bowl of soup. She blew to cool the spoonful of soup before bringing it to his mouth. “I said that I didn’t want to see you because I knew I would give in and forgive you.”

He swallows the soup before asking, “please forgive me?”

“I saw your face so I already forgave you.”

He couldn’t ignore the cheering in his mind. “Do you really mean it? You forgive me for being a jerk?”

“Yes, you jerk.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“But you called yourself that too?” Y/n countered, shoving a spoonful of soup into his mouth. “Eat and feel better.”

Kiyoomi smiles, “… kiss me, that would really make me feel better.”

The corner of her lips tugged upward, “you sly jerk…”

He sits up, bringing his face close to hers. “Please, a kiss?”

She pecks his lips.

He pouted, “that’s not a kiss.”

“Yes it is, my lips touched yours.”

He blinked and then frowned, “that was hardly a kiss…”

Y/n raised a brow, challenging him, “then what’s a kiss to you then?”

And he showed her.

He cupped her face, tilting it before pressing his lips against hers. As soon as she gasped, he slipped his tongue in, meeting hers in a tango.

“Omi…” Y/n breathed, pushing him away to catch a breath.

His lips continued to her jaw and down her neck. “Please Y/n…” he begged, tugging at her tucked-in dress shirt. He pulls away and looks at her with dark pupils, waiting for her consent.

She launched at him, knocking him onto his back once more. Her mouth moved hungrily against his as she tugged at his clothes.

“I’m not going anywhere…” he chuckled.

“You will be if you don’t take help take our clothes off…”

Their clothes lay carelessly on the ground seconds later.

Y/n raised herself and straddled his lap. She rocked her hips, gliding her pussy along the length of his cock.

Kiyoomi hissed loudly as his hands gripped her hip tightly, nails digging into her hip bone. “Don’t –“ he choked, “don’t tease me…” He didn’t miss the smirk on her lips.

Having enough of not being inside of her already, Kiyoomi flipped them and shifted her underneath him. His hand found one of hers and threaded their fingers together, clasping tightly. He searched her eyes and she answered by lifting her hips.

“Haa, you’re going to be the death of me,” he sank his cock into her sweet pussy.

He waited a few seconds, savoring the intimate bond. Kiyoomi peers down at her before pressing his forehead against hers and without breaking eye contact, he whispers, “I love you.”

He doesn’t express those three words as frequently as he ought to, but he can observe the way her eyes illuminate when he does. “I love you, Y/n…” he repeated, rocking his hips slowly but deeply. “I know I don’t say it often enough for you but you are my everything… and I never want to be without you again…”

Y/n released a soft whimper and cupped his face, connecting their lips. “I love you too, Omi…”

It was soft lovemaking.

Each rock of his hips was gentle with care, with love.

“Let’s cum together?”

Y/n nodded, tightening her arms around his shoulders and soon their bodies trembled in release.

Kiyoomi pulls Y/n up and they sit down, still connected very intimately. He reached for the bag of chocolate, took a piece, and unwrapped it before placing it into her mouth. Then, he helped himself to a piece as well.

“Thank you for the chocolate,” he murmurs.

Pressing a kiss to his cheek, she whispered, “Happy Valentine’s Day, Omi.”

. . .

E/n: Going back to Teo now...

>>> @queenelleee @mfreedomstuff @erintaro @callmeraider @chaotic-fangirl-blog @wolffmaiden @cloud-lyy

[art-is-the-life]

just for one night, please?

paring: joel miller x reader

words: 2.6k

i wanted to write a little thing because honestly joel has my whole heart. i don't usually post on this blog, and especially not writing but you know. there are no physical descriptions of the reader but there are a few uses of the nickname "honey" throughout. also i wrote this with the "sharing one bed" trope. technically there are two beds, but joel and reader only use one, anyway i digress. no smut only fluff! the only editing was grammarly so please forgive me. anyway, enjoy!

--------------------------------------------------------

“Shit..” Joel half-whispered in front of you, raising his hand to rub across his jaw. 

Looking into the dimly lit room the two of you just broke into, you notice the source of Joel’s expletive.

“One—” you begin to say, but you’re suddenly interrupted.

“Bed!” Ellie shouts, bringing up the rest of your trio, and Joel glares at her. She cringes with a falsely guilty smile and pushes you and Joel past to head into the shabby hotel room.   

“This place ain’t good, honey,” Joel begins in a low tone while Ellie tosses off her pack and flops on the bed. A dust cloud poofs around her when she hits the moth-bitten sheets, and you smile sheepishly and Joel. The name makes your heart flutter, but you push it away with a mental shake. You can’t be doing that.

“At least it has a bed?” You offer the same sheepish smile with your shoulders up to your chin in a defensive manner. 

“C’mon, old man, lighten up!” Ellie calls from the bed, looking up at the two of you huddled nervously around the door. 

“It’s just one night, Joel,” you sigh and look around the highly dusty room, “You don’t even have to sleep in the bed; you can keep watch all night.”

Joel follows your eyeline around the room until he meets your face again. He takes a moment to glance over your face, and you try to smile more convincingly. Behind you, Ellie is starting to snore, which you take as a sign. Gesturing to her on the bed, you tilt your head towards Joel, and he rubs his hand again across his jaw. 

“Please, Joel? This is one of the only places where we have been covered from the elements since we left Bill and Frank’s.” You put on your best doe eyes. “Please?”

“Fine, just tonight,” Joel grumbles, and you smile bigger, “But I don’t want you on second watch.”

You shrug, “Works for me.” You pull Joel further into the room and shut the door behind you. It’s a little beat up from the force you used to get in, but it still latches, so you consider it a win. You walk over to the bed in the corner and glance at Ellie, who is now sleeping soundly on her side and snoring quietly.

You sigh and grab her pack from where she abandoned it on the floor. You sling yours off and prop them up against the small kitchen island with a slight frown. Unzipping yours and digging through it for a moment, you find a slightly crushed granola bar you snagged from Bill’s apocalypse bunker. Ironic. You hear Joel rustling behind you, so you pause for a moment to listen to his heavy boots tread around the probably rotting floor of this old hotel. 

When you stand up, you notice another door slightly ajar, and it looks like it has something interesting in it. Slipping your gun from your hip, you slowly walk towards the door and nudge it open with your foot. Looking around carefully, you can see no Infected in this room either. You breathe out heavily in relief, poking further into the room. It looks identical to the room you, Joel, and Ellie broke into. One bed with a tiny kitchen and a large water stain leading out of a closed door. You think for a moment you should go in, but then Joel calls your name. 

“Another room?” Joel asks when you turn to see him leaning against the doorway you just went through.

“Looks like it, probably one of those old package deals where you can buy both rooms and have your kids in one and you in the other,” you reply, gesturing around the room with your gun while being careful not to point it near Joel. 

“‘S got another bed and everything, huh, honey,” Joel says, keeping his voice low to not wake Ellie. 

“Yeah, seems like it.” You respond and trail off slowly, putting your gun back where it’s stored on your hip and pointing to the closed door with your elbow. “What do you think is in there? It’s got a stain, and I want to assume it’s water.”

“Maybe it’s best not to check,” Joel says, but you huff nervously.

“What if there is something in there?” You mumble with a nervous flit at the end of your sentence.

You watch Joel’s jaw tick momentarily as he considers the options. On the one hand, you don't want to go in there and have to suddenly flee because you woke up something, or you just leave it and everything is fine. Or, again, in the worst-case scenario, you’re all bitten in the middle of the night, Ellie is left all alone, and this whole mission would be for nothing. 

“Joel?” You ask nervously again, and he shrugs. He’s more nonchalant than you want him to be about this, but you suppose at least one adult needs to be calm right now.

“I guess we gotta look,” he responds with his jaw still clenched. Slowly pulling out one of his many guns, Joel strides purposefully past you towards the door. You follow him, once again slowly pulling your gun back out along with a flashlight, and routinely cross your wrists over one another. Just like Tess taught you to. The thought makes your heart ache, so you push the idea from your mind and focus on the task at hand. 

Joel reaches the door, you right behind him. He turns the handle slowly, pushing the door open, and you both point your flashlights into the room, frantically searching for something that doesn’t seem to be there. You sigh in relief, and Joel seems to do the same because you can see his shoulders deflate slightly.

“Nothing,” you say, “Nothing is good, right?”

“Nothin’ is good,” Joel says, “Must’ve just been a leak that happened before the water was all turned off.”

“Right, right..” you take the arm of Joel’s jacket and pull him from the dark bathroom. Turning off your flashlight and tucking it and your gun into your right hand, you glance at the other bed.

“Y’know, this place is pretty secluded, and we haven’t seen anyone in this hotel. Maybe you don’t have to keep watch, just for tonight?” You try to keep your tone even and casual and not too suggestive of you and Joel sleeping in the same bed.

Immediately, this seems like a terrible suggestion because Joel tenses back up again and shakes his head, “No, I gotta keep watch. It‘s not safe no matter what.”

You straighten back up in response and nod quickly, “Yeah, yeah, you’re right.. Sorry. I’ll just take this bed and leave you to keep watch.”

Joel notices your stiffness and quickly shifts his demeanor, “Honey, don’t be like that.”

“Nah, I understand; please, go; I gotta fluff these sheets out,” you reply with a half-shrug, using just one of your shoulders.  

You begin to pull back the sheets, but Joel grabs your hand. You look up at him with wide eyes, and he looks back at you with an unreadable expression. He sighs and runs his free hand through his hair. 

“I didn’t mean it like that, honey,” he says in a low and gruff voice. “I just… I can’t sleep in a bed. Not with you.”

Your heart skips a beat. You’re not sure what to say. You want to ask him why, but you’re afraid of the answer. Joel seems to sense your hesitation. 

He takes a deep breath and continues, “It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just… I don’t trust myself.”

You tilt your head in confusion. “What do you mean?”

Joel looks away, his jaw clenching and dropping your hand. It’s still warm from his and it sends tingles up your arm. “I’m not a good man. I’ve done terrible things. I don’t deserve to be with someone like you.”

You reach out and touch his arm with the same hand he was just holding. “Joel, everyone has done things they regret. It doesn’t make you a bad person.” Joel just shakes his head in reply. 

“You don’t understand. I’m a monster.”

“No, you’re not,” you say firmly. “You’re a good man, Joel. You’re kind and caring, and you’ve protected Ellie and me from so much.”

Joel looks at you, his eyes filled with pain. “I don’t want to hurt you, honey.”

“You won’t,” you say softly. “I trust you.”

Joel nods slowly. He takes your hand again and squeezes it gently. “Thank you,” he whispers and you squeeze his hand back supportively.

You smile. “Come to bed, Joel. We’ll both keep watch.” 

Joel hesitates for a moment, his movements jittery, and then nods. He moves around to the other side of the bed, and you grab the corner of the sheets you are closest to. He holds his side and, in tandem, flips up the sheets and shakes them out vigorously to get the dust out. It works almost too effectively because your eyes start to water, and you inhale too much of the musty, dusty, almost moldy, sheet smell. Trying to suppress your coughs not to wake Ellie, you turn away from the bed while Joel finishes the job with his shirt over his nose.

You slip yourself underneath the sheets when he seems satisfied with a job well done. You move over to make room for him, and he lies beside you. You turn on your side to face him, and he does the same. You just lie there, looking at each other for a long time. You can feel the tension between you, but it’s not bad. It’s a tension that’s filled with unspoken words and desires. Eventually, Joel breaks the silence.

“Goodnight,” he says softly with your name, and you feel your heart clench.

“Goodnight, Joel,” you reply. You close your eyes, but you don’t sleep. You can’t. You’re too aware of Joel’s presence beside you: his warmth, scent, and breath on your skin. You know you’re playing with fire but can’t help yourself. You’re going to do something you regret if you’re not careful. Especially with Eillie in the next room, it’s too risky. As you and Joel lie side by side, the silence is filled with unspoken words and the soft sounds of the night outside the hotel. There aren’t many ambient sounds these days. The hum of electricity or cars rolling down the roads doesn’t happen like before. You feel Joel's hand brush against yours, which shakes you from your thoughts, whether intentionally or not, and your heart skips a beat.

"Are you okay?" Joel's voice is barely above a whisper, rough yet tender.

"Yeah," you reply, turning to face him in the dim light. "Just... a lot on my mind."

Joel nods, understanding. "I get it. It's hard to find peace these days."

You both fall silent again, the air thick with tension. After a few moments, you decide to take a risk. "Joel, about what you said earlier... You're not a monster. You've done what you had to do to survive."

Joel's eyes flicker with pain. "You don't know the half of it, honey."

"Then tell me," you urge gently. "Let me in, Joel. We don't have to carry these burdens alone."

He hesitates, but a look in his eyes tells you he's considering it. Just as he's about to speak, a sudden noise from the other room startles both of you. It's Ellie, mumbling in her sleep. You both relax when you realize she's just dreaming.

"She's been through so much," you say softly, your heart aching for the young girl. "But she's strong, just like you."

Joel's expression softens as he looks at you. "I don't know what I'd do without you and Ellie."

"You don't have to find out," you whisper, squeezing his hand. "We're in this together."

Joel sighs, a sound that's almost a release of the tension he's been holding. "Maybe... maybe you're right."

The moment is interrupted by a scratching outside the door. Both of you instantly go on high alert. Joel sits up, grabbing his gun, and you follow suit, flashlight in hand. The noise gets louder, and you realize someone, or something is outside.

"I'll check it out," Joel says in a low voice, and you nod, staying close behind him.

As Joel slowly opens the door, you shine your flashlight into the hallway. It's empty, but the sound continues. Following the noise, you both move stealthily down the corridor, alert for any signs of danger. You turn a corner and come face to face with a stray dog rooting through some old trash. The relief is palpable as you both lower your weapons. But the idea that a dog got in fills you with dread. What if there is an owner, and this is a human sniffing dog, and soon you’re about to be found.

"Just a dog," you whisper, laughing softly in relief but anxiety clawing at your chest.

Joel seems to be thinking the same thing you are, especially since you’re only on the first floor of the building. It would be possible for other people to find their way into this—people like raiders, who are just as dangerous as those who are infected. Joel stays alert momentarily, watching the dog root around by the other doors. Most of them are boarded up or entirely doorless. The two of you remain silent and still for several minutes; the only sound is your combined breathing, which is slow and steady. But you can feel your heart beating out of your chest, and you're shocked it isn't making an audible sound against your ribcage.

After a while, Joel finally chuckles, too, a rare sound that warms your heart. "Let's get back before Ellie wakes up, freaks out, and wonders where we are."

Back in the room, Joel tightly shuts the door again. You glance around momentarily and pull over one of the only non-broken chairs that used to make up a small dining set in the room. Joel shimmies the chair under the door and looks up to see if most hotels' old locking mechanism remains intact. Finding it hanging off its hinges, you suck in a breath of air. Joel seems satisfied with the chair, so you can trust his judgment. Heading back through the door that connects the room, Ellie is into the room you found; Joel drags over another chair to place under the main door in this room. Even though it was boarded up like most doors in this place, he still fits the chair under in added protection. 

“Good?” You ask quietly, feeling yourself slip slowly out of adrenaline. 

“Think so,” Joel replies gruffly, so you nod in agreement. 

You settle down again, and Joel slips in beside you. Despite locking the doors more securely, Joel still pulls out his handgun and rifle to sit on the molding bedside table. You figure you should do the same so the harsh metal doesn't dig into your skin the whole night. You stay silent while Joel rummages around in his pack for a while and smile when he comes up with a small lantern he took from Bill and Frank’s. A certain sort of calm replaces the earlier tension, and when you turn back to Joel, he’s already looking at you. 

“What?” you ask with a smile, and he responds by wrapping an arm around you and pulling you close.

"Just for tonight," he murmurs, his breath warm against your ear. You can feel your heart skip a beat but appreciate what he does nonetheless. It’s a step in the right direction and at least a little confirmation that you’re not alone in your feelings. So you nod, feeling a sense of safety and belonging in his embrace. 

"Just for tonight," you agree, but deep down, you both know that something has changed between you. As you drift off to sleep, you realize that the walls Joel has built around his heart are starting to crumble, and for the first time in a long time, you feel hope for the future.

--------------------------------------------------------

[nettleofthedead]

Hello everyone. I feel very embarrassed to have to make a post, but I’m dealing with some urgent dental issues that need to be treated ASAP.

I have two teeth that need root canals. The molar tooth might need to be extracted and done as an implant, but I won’t know until they look at it. I also have a bad cavity that formed last night (exposing some of my dentin) next to the other tooth that needs a root canal. Infection is starting to form bad in there, as well. I’m not currently in any pain, but I’ve been getting sick lately because of it.

Using the cost estimator for my dental insurance, the total [estimated] portion of my half for my treatments is going to be $1,455. This is including the two root canal costs, and the new cavity that formed. I’m going to see my dentist ASAP, so the total cost may be adjusted after he checks it out. That said, I believe that my estimate should be accurate.

I’m in a very bad financial situation where I can’t save up the money for the treatment. I’m almost $4,000 in debt, and struggling to crawl myself out of it while barely being able to pay for rent and bills. I’m not asking for assistance on that mess though.

I have a scheduled appointment on my birthday, on April 1st. However, I’m only going to be able to reschedule the appointment back by another month. I really don’t want to, though, because of my health being affected.

I’ll be updating this once a day, apologizing for the spam.

Goal: $20/$1,455

Paypal: dead.nettled@gmail.com

Cashapp: $deadnettled

I don’t have other payment methods yet, but I can look into them if needed. Even if you can’t donate, I have very little of a following, so reblogging would be extremely appreciated. If anyone knows of other resources for me to look into (I can’t do CareCredit), I would appreciate it also.

[noa-ciharu]

I'm not sure if I'm onto something here but this page/explanation plus everything that follows has always been suspicious to me

First and foremost: blood poisoning isn't most peaceful way to die, far from that. If poison is so lethal Dazai and Fyodor are supposed to die in 30 mins symptoms would have started showing right away - and yet throught whole Meursalut escape arc we see none. Not a single 'I'm feeling weak'. It's stated that Fyodor spent 5 mins just waiting for Chuuya to arrive so I'm really doubtful whole sequence of him and Chuuya nearly drowning, then killing time halting ability user, trying to drown Sigma and Dazai, Fyodor's and Sigma's confrontation and Fyodor's escape could have happened under 25 mins. Of course, it could be that whatever Nikolai gave them takes more than half an hour to kill a human but that still doesn't explain 1) why no symptoms 2) why neither Dazai nor Fyodor seem to be in the hurry to leave

Therefore my assumption is that whatever Nikolai gave them wasn't lethal in the first place.

But why lie then? Why organize the whole game to begin with?

Well, it's certainly challenging to determine motives of character as unpredictable as Nikolai. His absurdist life philosophy of seeking freedom by trying to escape himself and what makes him human certainly doesn't help the case. One of guesses can be pure entertainment, just for sake of it. For an entertainer it fits the bill. But I think there's more to it.

Except he doesn't really. By now we know whatever Fyodor's ability is that it isn't combat one - if Nikolai wanted to kill him he wouldn't necessarily need to know what it is. Not to mention Sigma can extract info from corpses, meaning they can kill Fyodor and then find out about his ability. While I'm certain Nikolai doesn't really want Fyodor dead, I can't claim with absolutely certain at that point in manga he's aware of that himself (of course he is after Fyodor 'dies' later on).

Much rather than that I think Nikolai is trying to kill what Fyodor evoke in him - feeling of being understood and wanting to understand other in return. That'll explain the game, trying to break Fyodor out of the prison without being too straightforward about it because he himself cannot decide what he really wants and stick by one decision, putting trust on test, wanting to know about Fyodor's ability and generally about Fyodor and so on.

While it's definitely arguable if Dazai would receive an antidote if he just killed Fyodor without actually escaping, it's also worth noting he was leisure with time (aka had time of his life soft bulling Sigma). Of course, chapter where Dazai talks with Nikolai post all the mess is yet to come out so it's impossible to tell in advance, but I have a hunch Dazai knew right from the start there's no danger of blood poisoning. Or at very least took gamble on that. Nikolai said something among "my apologies I have to poison you too but he (fyodor) wouldn't take the syringe otherwise" so it's clear right off the bat Dazai doesn't really hold his interest in that whole game. He's there for Fyodor and brought Sigma with him to extract information out of him.

As for Fyodor, did he knew blood poisoning wasn't a thing? Before chapter 111 I would have said yes given he too didn't seem to he in the hurry to escape, had no symptoms and didn't take the antidote right off the bat when Nikolai gave it to him. But then we have this:

Does Fyodor mean poison or game itself? My guess is poison because if latter that'd imply Fyodor expected Nikolai to help him break out of Mesaurlet which would imply broken trust. And we all know Fyodor and placing trust in others is like oil and water

To me Nikolai looks straightout dejected here. He's a performer that revels in these types of high stakes game, he should be grinning like a madman - but he's not. So in my opinion he was searching something from Fyodor here that he didn't quite get. It could be just in this scene/exchange or in whole game. But if my hunch that Nikolai was trying to get Fyodor out of Meursalut just needed Fyodor to place iota trust in him is correct, then Fyodor stamping over that hope and failing to see Nikolai's intention wasn't to kill him despite his theatrical proclaims it is would be reason for dejection. Whatever bids for connection he was looking in Fyodor likely won't be returned because of Fyodor's mistrust in people and abiding by cold rationale rather than intuition/emotions.

Therefore my conclusion is that whole Gogol game was a test:

- for Fyodor to put trust in others when he has no rational basis to (his major character flaw) - and that's precisely why he lost in the end. I could go miles here how Dazai put trust in Chuuya (and even Sigma) and how those bonds are very reason he managed to win but that's for some other time gives there's a lot to be talked about soukoku, I'd like to focus on doa trio here.

- for Sigma to realize the difference between being used and being of use, aka realize difference between transaction and a bond. I'd say he did well by placing trust in Dazai but it's yet to be seen if his decision to take Fyodor's hand was the 'right' one. His character arc ain't over, it heavily depends on what info he extracted from Fyodor so it's too early to tell how it'll go. Also this depends on Dazai's actions anime hasn't shown, like will he stick to his promise to save Sigma or not. Given promise he made to Oda 4 years before, I think it's definitely in character for Dazai to come back for him, fetch comatose Sigma and bring him to Yokohama.

- for Nikolai himself to realize what he wants to do with feeling of emotional/intellectual connection he deemed as 'imprisoning'. He's at conundrum himself what he wants to do with Fyodor: help him or kill him - accept the instinct or fight against it for no other reason than to oppose very self - lose sight of himself in the end just like Fyodor said. If we go by anime ending (I doubt manga one will be much diffrent), he came to realization how Fyodor changed his life and how he actually never wanted him dead but it was too late by then. Now haunted by realization only one who ever understood him and only person he ever felt connected to is dead, Nikolai will come to realize true hell of being imprisoned by own mind without means of escaping.

All three of them had some sort of downfall induced by their 'cardinal sins'; their own 'decays' as downfalls source from inner character flaws, so to speak.

[herejusttosufferalong]

Y'all, I've been glued to this saga because L and R are so similar to what I went thru with my ex, like down to the sleeping on the couch thing, only reversed, that I don't know whether to laugh or cry. A and S don't know what they're in for.

Storytime: My ex's Rory is called Mike and they met playing a sport in college when X was a freshman and M was a super senior, so he's ~4 years older. M took X under his wing and they became bros for life I guess. M is super nice and goofy but a hot mess as a person, can't be trusted with the simplest of tasks but gets by by being beloved by everyone. X has consistently thrown him bones, brought him on to projects and recommended him for gigs at the expense of his own career and reputation. You can't make this shit up.

X and I were long distance for the first ~year of the relationship, I moved out to him to a small ass town an hour away from anywhere because of his job and because it was cheap. We were in a 1bd apartment and the first little while was bliss, hot and heavy, amazing. It was my first time living with a partner. Maybe a few months in, M calls X - he got a job in the city an hour away and he's moving down. X gets the brilliant idea to invite him to stay on our couch until he finds a place. I was fine with it at first because he was a super nice guy but I had no idea what I was getting into. Ladies, when I tell you I became the 3rd wheel in my own relationship and a ghost in my own home, I'm not being dramatic.

I was working from home so I was alone all day in a town where I knew no one who wasn't connected to X in some way and when the two of them would get home, they'd bro out with each other and I basically had to compete for my bf's attention. We stopped doing anything that didn't include him and constantly had to be mindful about how loud we were in the bedroom because he was on the fucking couch. I couldn't relax in my own home that I was paying rent and bills for. Mind you, M at this point was further along in his career than X and making way more money. Two months pass, he still hasn't found a place and instead commutes an hour each way to work. Then the fucking pandemic hits. I was the only one working initially and I was at home with the two of them playing video games, working out, watching TV, yelling, laughing, on TT, on Zoom with their other buddies 24/7 while I was trying to work. We'd constantly end up doing whatever they wanted to do. Dude stayed on our couch for like 10 1/2 months, only paying for groceries, takeout and activities here and there. I kinda snapped during the holidays, I drove across the country alone to be with my family and didn't go back, my dad then made a round trip to go get my stuff because I just couldn't even look at X. Only then did it occur to X and M that maybe M should move out. But you know what the narrative in his friend group is about me? That I'm a cold bitch who broke his heart.

I look back on it now and I'm angry at myself for being such a dummy, I was a total pushover. My X wasn't a bad dude, he was just too much of a bro to know how to be a bf. He always felt a need to include everyone but that cut into the little time we had together. In my defense, he was really hot lol.

It's crazy to think how different my life is now with my fiance, we just bought a house earlier this spring, which wouldn't have been possible with my X because he spends all his money on his hobbies. X literally did the same HBS thing L did after I dumped him, hit the gym like crazy, he follows like a thousand half naked girls on IG, likes all their posts and thirsts in the comments, it's beyond cringe. This is also on his fully public IG account that he also uses for work. He hasn't been in a serious relationship since, I'm told he's become quite the fboy, but he's collected a seemingly infinite amount of new bros judging by his posts. M is still in the picture, of course, although he has his own place and a serious gf now, while my ex has a new roommate who he plays an expensive, niche equipment sport with that he spends every penny he earns on. My ex was a Leo, so I'm not surprised L has it prominently in his chart.

This stuff is not uncommon among younger Millennial men. My now fiance is 5 years older and he is a Man. He shows up for me the way I show up for him, he doesn't make plans without considering me and he's on top of his finances. He's a serious person. I never knew I could be at peace like this. I know what I'm building towards with him. A and S are just sidepieces to the main love story that is L and R and if/when one of them gets dumped, the other one will as well. They're there because they go along with what L and R want. It'll come back to bite them in the ass but they'll learn an invaluable lesson the way that I did - don't date a manchild who won't prioritize you over his friends.

some good advice for the youngins

thank you for sharing 💜🥃

[skaruresonic]

Unpopular take but the Shadow manga was pretty dissapointing from art wise to how different the characters behave from what we have seen in he older games. I just feel like the manga is getting overly praised because " its not idw or american or flynn therefore its good!' While not looking at the short story critical enough.

...What is there to criticize yet? People have been jumping the gun with assumptions that Black Doom retconned Maria's death when we quite literally don't know that for sure. This is the first issue. Maybe give it some room to breathe first.

I plan on reading the issue in full once I buy it, although not knowing Japanese will hinder my comprehension. I likely won't understand the dialogue, but it's not bad, at least from what few snippets I've seen. Certainly, it's no Tolstoy, but like. Does a manga need to be?

You also have to keep the Shiny New Thing(tm) phenomenon in mind. Lots of us have been asking for a Sonic manga for years and now we finally have one. Everything new will initially receive hype before people reexamine it with a critical eye.

Back when dinosaurs roamed the earth and IDW was just starting out, most of us were, in fact, praising the book and getting hyped for new issues. We weren't yet privy to the steep nosedive it'd take in quality following the metal virus.

---

I just feel like the manga is getting overly praised because " its not idw or american or flynn therefore its good!'

Hey now, that's not entirely true: I also enjoyed the Schadenfreude of dunking on "Shadow was tortured on the ARK" headcanons. To say nothing of the quality Shadria and that tasty Parasite Eve reference :P

Look, I know I have Shadria goggles strapped on so tight they're practically cutting off circulation to my head, but I feel like that's a little unfair to say considering we've only seen bits and pieces of issue one and have to rely on fan translations to know what's happening on any given page. It's not like we're 15 volumes in and Shadow's done nothing but brood. And just because I wasn't tempering my gushing with "Shadow looks weird in some panels" doesn't mean I wasn't silently thinking the latter. Trying to give the manga the benefit of the doubt here.

When you wander the Fauxteur Desert for years, even cloudy water will look like an oasis. In a series where the majority of fans and creators view the source material with disdain, as something to be mutilated in order to be considered "good," beggars can't be choosers. You have to take whatever Ws you can. It can be simultaneously true that I think the manga is good on its own merits and good because it's better than its contemporaries. One doesn't necessarily negate the other.

Besides, at the risk of sounding massively hypocritical... Is it so bad to feel relieved when you finally get served some decent food in this Chili's and you discover you're not as emotionally broken as everybody says you are? IDW fans gaslight you day in and day out with "you can't read," "you don't understand the characters," "you hate the series," and "you need therapy," and when you find something that brings you joy, for once, amidst the sea of phoned-in spinoffs tha pussyfoot around being faithful to the games at best and regard them with disdain at worst, something that doesn't feel like pulling teeth to read? You realize how full of shit they were.

The Shadow manga is better, objectively speaking. And I don't think it's quite fair to imply that comparisons to IDW should be off the table when we keep getting IDW forced down our throats as the cultural touchstone that defines Sonic, sometimes taking top billing before the games. I had to listen to everyone parrot "Eggman can't plan" as if it were Ohshima-given fact for three and a half years. Certainly, people can handle me going "omg Shadria <3" for a few posts.

The art is better. The blocking is better. The emotional beats land by virtue of being competently executed, instead of thinking we'll be won over by five-paragraph monologues. Sometimes the art carries the story! Wow! Compared to other media where the characters never shut up long enough to let us draw our own conclusions - a problem shared by Archie, IDW, Prime, the films, and Boom - that actually is a lot, all things considered.

And, yes, suffice to say, if fan translations are accurate, the writing is better, if only because it seems to come from a rare place of respecting the source material.

That probably sounds like I have no standards, but you have to realize the bar has been placed in hell and writers continue to cha-cha slide right on under it. IDW has Starline knock Shadow out with a freaking log, whereas in the manga Shadow stops a bullet in midair. I'm sorry I can't shut off my initial gut reaction of "holy shit that was bad ass."

It's not even like he stopped the bullet psychokinetically a la Neo, he caught that shit mid trajectory. Unlike the scene where Shadow gets knocked out with a log, nerfing him in order to hype up an OC, thinking about the logistics of the speed and precision needed to intercept a bullet in such a manner just makes it even cooler.

Good writing is enhanced by the application of thought. It doesn't punish the reader for considering the implications. The writer doesn't tell you to "go read something else" if the narrative disappoints.

This isn't even a contest.

...I know, dude. I'm aware it's not the best thing since sliced bread. It's a serial manga. Not expecting Shakespeare here. I just need it to be relatively faithful to the games and not emit an air of arrogant superciliousness towards the source material.

My standards are incredibly low considering how much higher they could be, and that's because 90% of spinoffs fail at clearing the first bar. If I maintained as stringent a standard as my adoring fans say I do, I'd have absolutely nothing to read lol.

[konahrics]

I once made a post about the DG dlc and how it didn't live up to its potential, but every time i read it i feel like it's just a wall of disjointed text lmao so here's a better version for those interested:

- Harkon should have been more insane. His personality is fine, he should just be more obviously bonkers while being a haughty power-hungry mf, and it would come into play later for the radiant quests

- I wish the Volkihar members were more interesting. I haven't really counted how many npcs have backstories/unique lines in the Dawnguard vs the Volkihar so i won't talk numbers, but the Dawnguard npcs are just more memorable overall imo.

- Serana should lead the Volkihar at the end if you side with the vamps, not the pc. I know every questline in Skyrim ends up making the pc the leader of their faction, with the Dawnguard being an exception, but Serana just fits the bill better: she's a pure-blood while the pc is a half-blood, she's much more experienced in vampire politics and she's Harkon's daughter.

- For players who actually want to lead, it could be an option once you've done a lot of radiant quests, like how you restore the Ratway to its former glory in the Thieves' Guild questline, except instead Serana goes "hey yknow what? I don't even want to lead and you've been doing a lot. Here's your new crown."

- THE RADIANT QUESTS. Omg the potential. For the Volkihar: that's the part where Harkon having become obsessed with the prophecy would play a role. He's been neglecting his territory, other clans are encroaching and he either didn't even notice or didn't care. Now it's your problem. Also, you need to cull vamp numbers in the province so people don't make Dawnguard 2: electric boogaloo, both because of vampires invading from other provinces to take you territory and because of newly-formed covens, and you need to recruit more actual Volkihar by turning people (i like the quests that are already there for turning npcs tbh). For the Dawnguard: oh shit turns out the Volkihar were keeping other clans at bay and culling their own numbers, and now that they're gone, it's your job ig. The in-game quests are already pretty good, but introducing foreign clans would add to the world, essentially.

- Why does it feel so much like a good vs evil plotline? The Dawnguard admittedly has some nuance to it (they're good people who want to protect others from the vampire menace, but their leader has a torture chamber next to his bedroom...), but the Volkihar literally live in a castle whose floors are splattered with blood and have human cattle in the basement. I wish at least once Harkon is defeated, if you were on the vamps' side, you could choose how to run the faction. Maybe the "cattle" could be volunteers only and not kept in cages, or something, my point being that it should be left up to the player. Ngl, every time i side with the Volkihar, i feel bad about it.

- While the Dawnguard are making moves and recruiting in preparation for their fight against the Volkihar, the vamps are kinda just sitting there. There could be an internal struggle between those who are loyal to Harkon and those who believe he isn't fit to rule anymore (instead of the Vingalmo vs Orthjolf feud being about which of them can lick boots better, they could each represent the pro- and anti-Harkon sides), the result being that they're still not really reacting to the Dawnguard threat, but now there's a reason; they're too busy plotting against each other. And once Harkon's dead, the surviving vampires can work together and be less likely to stab each other in the back, which in turn sounds less exhausting for whoever ends up leading them.

Tbh the whole reason behind this rant (i guess "these rants" now...) is that some custom followers don't trust or react badly to a vampire pc, and with the game as it is, it makes total sense, so i wish Skyrim vampires weren't mustache-twirling villains. Also maybe i'm planning a fanfic with this Volkihar headcanon and wanted something to reference so people wouldn't think i'm misremembering the hell out of this game lol

[user-rui]

Soulmate!Seme!Male!Reader x Soulmate!Uke!Male!Insert

(U/n) = Uke name

(Y/n) = Your name

This is a text that has you inserting yourself and another male of your choice. Put anyone you want maybe it'll work out (though I've written it with male x male in mind). Also cross posted on Ao3 right here.

Soulmate AU: There are a few different versions but the one I'm doing is where an hour before the new year a red string will appear on two soulmates' pinkies (if one's soulmate is not born or dead, it will not appear). The string will disappear once it turns to the new year. Might experiment with other versions in the future. Enjoy~

-(Y/n)'s POV-

Hi! My name is (Y/n) (Seme last name) and I'm one of your average members of society. Nothing too special about me, just working my ass off to pay bills... like everyone else. This year is the 14th year I've been trying to find my soulmate. Yeah, I know. I've managed to miss my soulmate for 14 years. Whoever my destined partner is is gonna murder me once I find them. Honestly, after missing them for the fourth year, I kinda gave up and just took up the fact that I would be forever alone.

All of my friends had found theirs within the first or second year. But this lonely feeling in my heart kept on growing and growing and I really couldn't bear it anymore. I've earned enough money to live relatively well for the rest of my life, but money isn't going to get me a partner. Which is why I'm out at 12:46 right now, desperately following a glowing red string to wherever it'll take me. 

I turned a sharp corner and stopped myself just in time before rushing out onto the busy streets. "Holy shit, how much further?" I growled, looking down at my watch as I waited for the street light to change. 11:57... I'm gonna miss it again... I thought as I started to dash again. "5! 4! 3! 2! 1!" Fucking- "Happy new year!!"

Fireworks were set off as I turned a corner, praying that the string wouldn't fade away. But I was still too late, the once glowing red string faded into nothingness. I was too busy watching it to notice another person turning the corner as well. "Ow!" He and I yelp simultaneously. Rubbing my head, I looked up, wincing slightly to see what I had bumped into. Coincidentally, the other person also looked up and we made eye contact. His (uke eye colour) eyes are beautiful… 

A worried (and angelic, might I add) tone suddenly broke my train of thought. "Are you okay?" he asked, sticking out his hand so I could grab it. "Hm? Oh yeah, I'm fine. How about you?" I answered, taking his hand and pulling myself up. "No major injuries," he chirped, releasing my hand and dusting a bit more snow off of his legs. "Just a bit wet."

We went to a nearby hotel (cause they have laundry service there) and got a room. While our clothes took their sweet time getting clean, the male, who's name I learned is (U/n), and I talked a bit about the situation from before. He said that ever since he was born, there had been a red string every year and he was desperately trying to find his soulmate.

"That's quite some courage. What are you going to do if you can't find your soulmate?" His (uke eye colour) orbs had a hint of question as he thought about it. When he answered, he said: "As long as the string is there, I’ll make sure I find them!" I chuckled at his enthusiasm and got up to check on the washed and dried clothes. "You'll definitely find your soulmate before I do."

Another year has passed and it was about time single pringles would run around the streets trying to find their other half. I had been working out, along with (U/n) who decided that we should keep in contact. I was ready for this annual run, and I was determined to reach the finish line this time. (U/n) said he wanted to try a different neighbourhood and wanted to test his luck there, so I drove him there and dropped him off.

I found a crowded plaza close to him and parked my car, waiting for this ghost of a red string to appear once again. I dozed off thinking about what my significant other could look like. It would be nice if they had (uke hair colour) locks and stunning (uke eye colour) orbs... whoever it is could also have (uke skin tone) skin and be (shorter, taller, about the same height) as/then me...

I felt a rush of wind go past me as I see others running about the plaza, following what I see as nothing. I looked down and saw my own red string and snapped out of my thought. "Oh fuck, precious seconds I'm never getting back..." I cursed as I joined the crowd, running. Wind rushed through my sweat filled hair as I ran around the streets following the thin red string as it took me to... the neighbourhood I dropped (U/n) off at?!

"Damn it... if I knew they’d be here I would've stayed with (U/n)... What a waste of time..." I muttered, following the string, winding up and down the long roads to find (U/n) being harassed by a group of shady looking people.

"Come on! Just give in already! Your soulmate doesn't want you anymore so just stay with us! We'll make you feel so good!" 

I rushed over and punched the bitches in their ugly ass faces and snatched (U/n) back from them. "Fuck off! He has a soulmate and it definitely isn't any of you!" Those very shady people must've seen my angry expression cause it didn't take them three seconds before they were running for their lives. After scaring them off, I looked down at (U/n), who was currently holding the sleeve of my jacket. “Did they hurt you anywhere?” I worriedly asked.  "N-no... (Y/n), look at your- I mean our hands..."

I looked down and finally saw what I've been wanting to see for at at least a decade. The end of my red string was attached to none other than (U/n), who was admiring our hands like an art sculpture in a museum. His (uke eye colour) eyes were sparkling in the night, as he mumbled, "so maybe it was fate that we bumped into each oth- Mph?!"

I grabbed his face and hastily connected it with mine, just as fireworks fired off signaling the end of another year. Except this year would be the start of an everlasting relationship, bound together by lovely red strings of fate.

[bunnylovesani]

Don’t let anyone tell you they own any concept of a character they didn’t even come up with in the first place.

I wrote hella stories or one shots for bill skarsgard characters and if I saw something that inspired me, I wrote my own version or twist but it was never stealing an idea or plagiarism. Everyone of my posts is straight from my brain to my phone while I’m waiting at the dmv, or in line at Disneyland.

And the idea that stalker anakin is a new concept is literally insane. Just for the kids in the back, let me list what is not unique and never has been an original idea in any fandom:

Stalker

Toxic

Dilf

Ex

Mechanic

Dominant

Submissive

Jealous

Possessive

Trashy

Mafia or criminal type

Drug dealer

Drug addict

Fighter

Biker

Rockstar

Frat boy

Professor or teacher

Boss

Cheater

Married

Psychiatrist

Cop

Model

Photographer

Actor

News reporter

Influencer

Abusive

Lifeguard

Doctor

Lawyer

Rich boy

Fuck boy

Vampire

Pro athlete

Race car driver or street racer

Pilot

Stepdad

Stepbrother

Dads best friend

Brothers best friend

Your best friend

Your best friends boyfriend

Hot neighbor

Hot coworker

I could keep going, but that’s just what I came up with off the top of my head.

You keep doing your thing, and if anyone doesn’t like my opinion, kindly take it out on me and not this girl.

I don’t know how well you deal with getting harassed but most people don’t like it.

Anybody wanna argue or insult or be a cunt, come on over to my blog and pick on me. This is a safe place where we can express ourselves and rewrite the stories, we wish ended differently or make our favorite characters even more toxic than they started.

This is not the place to act like the mean girl, geek squad, gate keepers from the cunty castle in a galaxy far, far away!

I wasn’t going to comment on the situation any further but this message was so nice I had to reply and say thank you so much for the support ♡

I understand if you’re going to be a part of a community then you should have ‘etiquette’ and I would normally follow that but in this instance I genuinely don’t think I took her au and half the people getting involved haven’t read and compared the two fics. I’ve also seen stalker Anakin fics on ao3 and wattpad before so I don’t think it’s original enough to claim as your own idea.

MOREOVER, you could argue my Anakin isn’t even a stalker: a stalker is a person who ‘pursues someone obsessively to the point of aggressive harassment’. This does not fit the bill for my character at all.

On a side note that list is very handy for future fic inspo!

Thanks again for the nice words from you and the other lovely people in my inbox, I see them, I appreciate you all and I’d love it if we moved on now ♡

[unpopularly-opinionated]

Random update on my journey to become a pretentious film buff:

I've been trying to push for a movie a day, at least. Sometimes two if I'm lucky. Sometimes none if I'm lazy. But after my last post where I watched the entire Alien Franchise (sans AvP and Romulus), here's what I've been watching:

Psycho: Yes, I finally watched the original Psycho. To be honest, I've always had a problem watching older movies, so I was surprised at how easy it actually was to watch this one. It was pretty good, though perhaps for the wrong reason. I was honestly laughing through most of it over just how bad these people were at committing crimes and getting away with them. Like that girl was acting so incredibly sus in front of that cop for no good reason. Anyways, 4/5 stars I guess (I'm using Letterboxd to keep track of this).

X & Pearl: In case you don't know, those are two separate movies but they're related via the main character. I watched X first, and Pearl second. Not sure what the intended order of it actually was though, but whatever. It wasn't too bad in that order. Both I thought were pretty good, though I kind of preferred X to Pearl because I thought the "antagonist" motivations in X were...let's just say unique. I can't recall a time where I've seen that particular motivation used. I gave X a 3/5.

Pearl was still pretty good, I just liked X better. Unless you're an idiot like me, the connection between these two movies is pretty obvious, but it tripped me up at first so I didn't wind up understanding it until the very end. Anyways, this movie's good. 3/5 stars (these are arbitrary lol).

Boy Kills World: The one and only non-Horror movie I watched recently. I'm not exactly trying to focus on horror, it's just sort of accidental at this point. I'm in a horror mood so I'm just bingeing horror movies I haven't seen. I swear I watch other stuff too lol.

Anyways, this movie was about as good as one could probably expect it to be. It's just a cheesy, dumb action flick. The plot is middling, but it works. The plot twist is alright. I didn't see it coming exactly, but I also wasn't like "omg no way, what!?", it was just a thing that happened, ya know? Overall, I think my only criticism is that it felt like it was missing a second act. Bill Skarsgard is insanely nice to look at throughout the entire movie though so that's a plus. 3 1/2 stars.

Brightburn: I'm gonna be honest, I didn't care for this movie. It tries to go with the whole "bad guys win" ending that, to me, just fell flat because I don't really give a shit about the bad guy. I'm not sure if I'm meant to feel for him inherently because he's a child, but he's a pretty boring as fuck child so I wound up not caring when he inevitably won. 2/5 stars.

Smile: This movie was OK, but it really felt like that scenario when someone asks to copy your homework and you tell them to just change a few of the details. The one who's homework they're copying of course is It Follows. They have very similar premises, only instead of the monster passing through sex like a shitty STD, this monster passes through trauma like a shitty ex. Personally, I think It Follows did it better. 3/5 stars.

The First Omen: The last on this update, I just finished this right before writing this and it was alright? So, perhaps controversially, I've yet to see The Omen (watching it literally as I type this) so this movie didn't do much for me. I understand it's setting up The Omen though, so that's where the supposed payoff is, but I personally think movies should be able to stand up by themselves, even if they're connected to a franchise, and I'm not sure this one does.

This movie left me confused. It focuses hard on this young girl, leading you to believe she's vitally important and you reasonably assume she's the key figure or "MacGuffin" in this movie, only for us to find out that she's not, and it's actually the main character who's the important one. But then I'm left wondering why I spent the last hour and a half of this two hour movie focused on a red herring.

Not to mention, there's a lingering question I had by the end when everything is burning down which is... if y'all have the actual fucking Devil chained up in your basement as your demonic sperm donor, why the fuck do you need the antichrist so bad?

I'm also just kind of curious about their overall motivations here. Like, we're told that they belong to a different sect of the church who believes that they need to make bad things happen so that more people are drawn to the faith, which at face-value I'm like okay cool, reasonable motivation I guess. But then what is the plan with the antichrist then? They have him get raised by some well-off politician (to set up the Omen) but then what? Presumably you intend to kill him at some point? Is the idea to let him get powerful enough to show everyone he's the legit antichrist, but not so powerful that he doesn't wind up destroying the world like he's meant to? It's just confusing is all, I don't know. Hopefully the Omen explains it. Or the Omen II. Or III. Or IV lol. Anyways, 3/5.

[cheesecakezyum]

hey, hru? i just found your blog and tbh i really love it and your writing, it’s just so good! so can i request the mayor realizing that he likes the reader, and how he would confess? thanks! <3

Anyone Can Change, If They Try Hard Enough!

Ooh! Sure! We all love some unhinged old men am I right or am I right?

My hiatus has been so long simply due to some financial, family and more personal issues I’d rather not discuss publicly. Writing doesn’t pay my bills after all! Maybe I should make a Kofi or personal commissions? Most likely not— I’m just here to have fun. Anyways, I’ll be back to writing the multitude of prompts that have been given to me over my hiatus. To think that my last post had me at 150 followers, and now I’m almost at half a thousand now! I’ll try my best to make it up to you within the upcoming months as well as a Christmas special piece on Ao3! Stay tuned my lovelies <3

─────────────────

─────────────────

♡- I wouldn’t say what he feels is love at first sight. Quite the opposite truly. You, being a known rebel against the Lady Bone Demon throughout the period of time the world was in utter disarray.

♡- He was truly and utterly devoted— in any way, shape or form; His goal was to stay by her side for the rest of eternity if granted such a gracious opportunity. Why ask for anything more?

♡- One of his duties? Taking care of the foolish mortals who dared to disobey the new world. That was where he initially met you. Someone who had daringly risked their life to let a family of four flee. You jumped in front of them! You don’t know what had happened to them after, but it didn’t matter. They had more to live for than you did in your brisk opinion

♡- As foolish as the mayor believed you to be, he did nothing but cackle and unceremoniously take his leave. It was hilarious! Why would you would risk your life for these people? It was utter nonsense!

♡- A small part of him admired your bravery, no matter how insane it seemed. The mayor was reminded of his own loyalty to his lady.

♡- The act had left him in your thoughts, so utterly long until he was ripped away from any bone demon powers he had once attained in a massive quantity. One minute he was fighting the monkey king, and the next?— forced to give out information to the very same people trying to stop their plan to rewrite the world as the simian took his very place.

♡- He was able to get away, as easy as it was when the scums just left him there. The only problem was, he had nowhere to go. Battered and bruised, the old mayor of the city would stick out like a sore thumb! There was only one option.

♡- He had to find you. Maybe because he showed you such mercy, you’d repay him with a safe place to dwell until things died down? If anything, you’d even get on your knees and kiss his shoes! Yes yes, that’s the plan.

♡- It took a few days for him to find you, but once he did? Ohhh, you certainly looked different than you did during the ‘apocalypse’. You dressed quite nicely! Formal wear similar to his! He never noticed you worked right in town hall; the place he dwelled most being undercover. Who knew?

♡- Back to your situation, you had moved to a much better area; Close but not exactly in the heart of the city you once did! Due to many losing their homes, you had opted to stay in a friends condo she had for rent, which was practically spotless! It was way better than the now ashes of your former home. You finished up settling the last of your boxes in the living room before hearing a clean three knocks at the door.

♡- You didn’t like who you saw. Not one bit. It was the mayor of the city, monster, the very same one who threatened to obliterate a family simply asking for mercy? He looked like an utter mess.

“Well hello there ci!—“

You had shut the door before you could hear any more. Had he been stalking you? What was his reason for such an intrusion.

You heard his muffled voice on the other side, but instead chose to preoccupy yourself with better things than an old, no— ancient man outside your door. You weren’t a young hot shot either! Being in your late 30s has proved to you that you were simply gaining maturity.

Something was just, off about him.

♡- By evening, you had realized that he was still at the door— waiting with his usual eerie smile. What had even happened to him for someone with such power to come here? If he really was a threat— destroying your home would’ve been a piece of cake.

♡- You made stew, and what you didn’t expect was your body to move for you.

The man was no longer waiting by the door, instead seated in a gentlemanly manner alongside your exterior walls, you had lifted a hand. What were you doing?

“Hey….are you hungry?”

He looked up at you, the very first time you didn’t see his face with forced glee.

♡- Maybe you did have a death wish.

─────────────────

I have the horrible ability to turn simple prompts into ideas for full pieces of work. Anywayssss, thx for reading!!

[a-force-dyad-in-space]

A Fanfic Update

Hey guys, I thought I should give you an update about what's going on Ongoing-WIPs-wise just in case you've had some worries.

The short of it is that the writing juices haven't flowed well for a while now and I'm trying to get them back but it is a struggle. I've worked a bit on this fic or other but haven't made significant progress in a few months. I absolutely hope that will change soon but I unfortunately can't force it. It doesn't help that I'm going through some stuff IRL right now that I have to take care of (I am unfortunately an adult who has to do adulting and pay bills and shit 🥲). I try not to be too stressed out about it, but the more time passes the more the anxiety sets in. Wish me luck. 💪🏻

Anyway, here's a fic-by-fic overview, split up by fandom.

THE UNTAMED

The Angsty SongXue Fic — I'll be honest, I've written a little bit since I last updated you guys but I still haven't finished the buffer chapter (at this point I'm thinking about posting chapter 51 even though 52 isn't done yet), so nothing really new here. I really want to get back into a writing flow but so far it hasn't really worked. I am still working on it, though, so don't worry, I'm not going to drop it.

The It Follows AU — I'm ashamed to say I didn't even realize I posted that fic almost two years ago and I still haven't written the second half. I'm so sorry it's taking so long! I definitely still want to finish it! I might rewatch the It Follows movie before I do that, though.

The Observer Series — Oh yeah, remember that smutfic series I started a few years ago of which I've only posted part 1 so far? Yeah, I still need to work on that. I did write chapter 1 of part 2 a while ago, so it's not like it's forgotten, I just need to get my ass up and write the rest of part 2 before I can post it. 🙈

The Color Rush AU — Okay, technically I haven't posted that one yet but I did share a snippet along with a gifset a few years ago, so you guys know it exists. I haven't worked on it in a long time, though, and I don't know yet when I will find the spoons to continue writing it but I'm still intrigued by the premise and want to give it a go. Thank you for your patience!

The Somewhat Sweet, Somewhat Angsty XuanXian Fic — Again, haven't posted that one yet but I've been posting about it, so you guys know it exists. Nothing new on this front. I did want to rewrite the whole thing because I wasn't really happy with the way I wrote it thus far, so I'll probably go back to it at some point and do that, I just don't know when yet.

WORD OF HONOR

The Xie'er Deserves the World Fic — Listen, guys, I love this fic so much, I just haven't worked on it in a while. I'll probably re-read what I've written so far and go on from there, I've just been struggling with the latest chapter ever since I started writing it years ago. It's not dropped, though, I will get back to it! Pinky swear!

SAILOR MOON

I've mentioned here and there that I'm working on part 1 of an epic that is based on a doujinshi I started when I was 13 or 14. Unlike my other WIPs, this one really is 100% self-indulgent to the point where I don't even care whether people will read/like it once I post it when it's completely done. I'll just put it out there to make my teenage self happy because this story has been simmering in my head for over 20 years, and so that my IRL friends can read it if they want to. So, this one will be a long way out, but it exists. I'm only really mentioning it because I've mentioned it a couple of times before and because it's the fic that's been on my mind the most lately.

STAR WARS

You didn't think I forgot about TROBS, did you????? I did work on several beginnings of a draft during NaNoWriMo last year and I'm getting more and more of a clear picture of how I want it to go. For those unfamiliar, TROBS (or The Rise of Ben Skywalker, though I already changed the name of the fic again) is my attempt at an Episode IX fix-it fic that essentially replaces TROS. This one has been simmering in my head since early 2020 and I really want to get it out of there and onto the page for catharsis. I've even held off on reading any other TROS fix-its because of it, even though I've heard there are some really amazing ones out there (and I can't wait to read them once I've gotten my own out of my damn head). I really need to finally finish that beast. Wish me luck. 🥲

UNPOSTED WIPs

I still have so many notes for other fics (mostly for The Untamed) that I want to write at some point. Will I be able to get them all on the page? I honestly don't know, but I'll see where they take.

Anyway, that's all!

[hypergamygimme]

Hey girl I was wanting some input on this situation💕

So I was pretty drunk one night at a concert after party and met this guy who ended up taking care of me the rest of the night, getting me water being with me and then he got us a hotel to go to after and we had sex. The morning after he told me to let him know when I would like to hangout again and then we didn’t talk for like 2 weeks. I texted him again when I was out with a friend drinking asking him to come out but he said he couldn’t but another time. We continued to talk, I found out that he’s in the navy, lives an hour and half away from me..I told him I wanted a relationship which he said he wanted too but asked me for a contact picture of me and I sent him a selfie and he goes “full body” which I thought was interesting...anyway our conversations haven’t been consistent and every-time we don’t talk for a bit or I react to the text he last sends he’ll text me again saying “alright or ok”. The last time we hung out he invited me out to a bar where he was with his friends and coworkers for a going away thing for his friend. I was introduced to them and then we went to a different table just to talk the two of us, talked about how I really didn’t remember the night we hook up, and all and I was there for only an hour telling him he should spend time with his friend that was leaving the navy and the rest of his friends...he walked me out and he said he wanted to see me again. We had planned to get dinner this last week but after he asked he didn’t reach out to me for a week and the morning after we were supposed to go he goes “this ain’t working out” and I was like “yeah because you don’t text me” and he goes “oh and replies to his last message he technically sent but I loved it and then I was like “🤦‍♀️ okay but I mean after that you didn’t text me, and then I was like “I didn’t blow you off...if you made the plans I thought you’d text me” and he reads it and doesn’t respond. Is this my fault? I just don’t understand....he was also expressing to me that if we were getting dinner he wanted a place to stay after because of the hour and half drive and I said he could then sent some nudes which I shouldn’t have sent...anyway any thoughts? Why’s he being like this and putting it on me to text him? Also—-his friend who he was with the first night we met when I was drunk somehow found my Instagram and followed me and always liking my stories I post of myself, and idk what to think of it or why? He told the guy I’m talking to to block me when he found out that I blew him off a couple times but to follow me and then always be liking my stories? Also they don’t follow each other so idk how he found me

If I’m being honest I don’t even know why I’m about to respond to this because you just answered all of your questions. This is a mess.

1. Don’t get drunk in public! Don’t drink or keep it at a 2 drink max! Men will see you as the weakest link and take advantage. Which is exactly what he did. Free and easy sex. Hard truth.

2. Why would he want a relationship with you? You’re giving him everything he wants so easily and you don’t even know each other.

3. Stop sending guys pictures of you! Especially nudes. All he is doing is sharing your pictures with his friends and work buddies.

4. His friend is liking your pics because he wants to try you out too.

5. Don’t let men who don’t pay your bills stay with you! PERIOD! Don’t even let guys come to your home. That is your safe space.

Stop letting low life guys take advantage of you. Focus on yourself and whatever you have going on and leave these guys alone. Reading this you completely disregarded your own life and put this loser on a pedestal. The world won’t end but you need to keep your dignity and self respect intact. You wouldn’t want this situation to happen again.

[3-aem]

im so sorry you got hate :(

sending you free hugs if that’s okay! your art is the most fascinating I’ve seen, I’m serious. the strokes? the colours? i am deeply in love. you are amazing.

Thank you. This means a lot to hear rn.

EDIT 3. Since I felt peeved that someone was asking me to delete an old piece i actually did reach out to one of the artists (cannot currently figure out a way to contact the other). Permission was granted to keep it up.

I'm going to use this as an informal address of the issue if you do not mind. And i may delete it later.

Firstly i want it all to slide. I'm not a person who handles drama very well and I think I've already been made out to be some villain for some folks. I think there's already too much stink in the air but I'm here only to defend myself up to a line. This is long because I want to try and leave no stone unturned and cover all spots.

Skip to the bolded HERE for my direct address to that artist (skip my defense)

I do art for enjoyment. I enjoy when I learn. A crucial step for me has been learning from other artists. When I enjoy an artist or heavily reference their work I will call them out, credit them to the best of my ability. This is a track record you can observe. When I do not it's often because the reference is not exact, there reference was some generic pinterest pose/stock image esque/magazine esque photo, reverse image search and saucenao returned no hits (usually this means I am forced to link the pinterest instead).

I don't believe pose theft, pallette theft, concept theft is a thing, I think it's a form of gatekeeping and elitism but I will concede it can be a courtesy to call it out at will. Yet there are people who literally draw mannequin poses for share. If it inspires it inspires. I will not heavily debate this as I understand every artist feels differently about it but anyone in art understands implicitly the value of studying other art. Which is why I found that artist to be acting rather maliciously (*).

I know everything I've said thus far gets bungled when I start selling pieces and suddenly it appears I have a monetary incentive. Art does not pay my bills. The store is more so people who kept asking for those prints can get them. And I feel silly admitting this, but I only use the store promos on twitter to promo my piece (like on the timeline). It's a tactic I saw other artists using and i was like oh don't mind if i do too. It hurts my pride to admit. I do not make as much as anyone thinks I make and many Many prints do not sell. Inprnt takes half the earnings.

I personally upload almost every single piece so that I may purchase them or give them to friends. You will notice I do not have every single piece for public sale on store. There was an incident where a piece i did not intend to sell publicly was not rearchived and I failed to notice. I have a number of pieces up. The color schemes in a couple are very similar. Things get overlooked when you are not deliberately looking. Only two copies were sold during this time and if I had the option of knowing who bought it and how to issue a refund I would. I don't. I am sorry. This should not happen again.

HERE(*) I now want to address the way that artist framed their post and follow up discussions. First i take tremendous issue with the "big g*jo artist" lingo. My numbers do not dictate where i am as an artist and it is Absurdly infantile to think that bigger numbers means more mature, more seasoned, peak performance artist. I have worked years to get to where i am, and I am still working. I've complained about this. I've talked about this at length here on tumblr, how I get frustrated when I find myself stagnating skill wise, regressing. I don't understand how the thread could be so lost that this artist thinks I have made myself as an artist solely on a select few referenced pieces and that my goal is purely socmed growth.

Next, there's an impression that I blocked the artist on first contact. I did not. There was a full discussion where I brought up many similar arguments and when it reached the point where I no longer felt like any meaningful discussion could be had i made it clear I would be blocking but no hard feelings. It became clear at the end that the artist was truly just pressuring me to delete a couple Old pieces for what I assume was their own pleasure and to satisfy their righteous indignation. I did not and do not want to play that game.

Now the credit issue. There is a belief that I chose to issue credit on two pieces using a burner acct because i did not want that credit to be seen. As I mentioned these posts were old, specifically by 2 months. I post a lot. I have grown a lot in that time. There's a belief I don't feel shame for doing a poor credit job. I do. I feel tremendous guilt. I did not want those Pieces Themselves to be seen even if I refuse to delete (out of spite) If I had used my main art acct to reply there would be no doubt that those pieces would have be replaced onto the timeline and seen new traction, which would very much Not be the desired outcome. Was this the perfect solution, No. The perfect solution would be for me to have gotten the credit right the first time or update my standards for crediting to include the exceptions i listed at the start. The first part which I suspect is what is really being asked, is simply not possible though.

I apologize for those who may feel hurt re those two pieces. I mentioned this in my conversation with the artist that it was Not my intention to discredit, profit or hurt anyone. Obviously they left this out when they plainly said I blocked them and then liked a follow up comment that called me a coward.

This has been long. Thank you if you read all this. I will work to ensure nothing like this happens again.

[misscammiedawn]

Charmed! 2023 Recap - (Day 2: Thursday)

Part 1 link

Part 2 (you're here)

Part 3 link

Part 4 link

Part 5 link

As before this is an edited version of my personal therapy journal tailored for public posting. All scene names and stories included are done with permission. - This entry was half written at the con and edited for internet so there will be times where the tensing refers to events in the future and in the past. Apologies for that confusion

I slept from 1:45am-7:30am, my heart raced as the narrative of a scary dream pulled me to wakefulness.

Not the kind of heart racing I was hoping for to begin my day, alas. But the timing was *perfect*. Daja had just at that moment sent a message that she was starting her route. She was less than 5 hours away.

“Come to me.” I softly commanded, extending my presence far across the distance.

My heart ached, my lips could feel the air where they desired her lips.

“I am here, waiting for you. Come to me, my dear.”

And so the countdown begun.

I took a few moments to hug my plushie familiar who goes where I goes and come down from a dream which should not have terrified as much as it did. My boyfriend, Copper, and I were to share a coffee before he went down to the museums.

I had a coffee date! It was time to change!

Charmed! Outfit 1: Sunrise's dress.

Perfect for being plugged into brainwashing devices and reunions with long distance loves ~&lt;3

While I did that my COVID test pinged negative. I grabbed a snapshot.

I maneuvered to add my gender dysphoria protection, my “chicken cutlets” but a somft voice in my head scolded me for the effort. “This is me.” It insisted.

We're going in to the con on our own esteem then? No augmentations? Good to know.

I went to grab my badge and got the 4th one. Nath, one of my metamours, was 2 spaces ahead of me so got a brief hug. Nath is a good friend, though I tend to be shy around my metamours. A little bit of that old programming from a life before keeps insisting that any love I take from a partner is taken away from their other partners and I should feel guilty about that.

Life doesn't work that way. Love doesn't work that way. But the thought persists. That's mine to deal with. I try not to burden other people with my baggage until they ask for it.

There was not enough time to do a full reunion though as Copper and I had our coffee date–

PERSONALLY CATERED BY A PANDA!

A playful and bouncy panda billing itself as "Panda Express" which is both adorable and charming.

It was so lovely! Drip coffee with a smooth flavor that lingers pleasantly!

Happy chats and calm comfort!

There was talk of plans and recounting of the prior night’s fun, including the plane ride. Hair coloring. Hopes and fantasies and the relief of feeling Seen.

I had long awaited my moment to meet with Panda and the Triad that it belonged to. I am overjoyed that it didn't disappoint.

But it had plans, Copper had a trip and there was a convention to begin!

Everyone scattered and I thought about diving into the con--- but perhaps first some weekend prep!

I was too excited to get started and went straight to outfit and mild make-up without a super grooming session. Checked my phone for the temporary GPS of Daja's car. A countdown I could follow for her arrival. She's not here. Not even close. Not yet! I couldn't begin all the fun stuff we had prepared and negotiated. The plane scene was only the start.

I couldn't do the fun stuff, but I could do a ton of ironing to save time for when I was able to enjoy things a bit more!

While I ironed I had a big conversation with my Counterpart Puppet and Sleepyhead. I got emotional about my inconsistencies and volatile personality. Started crying for no gosh darn reason for I am a silly Kitty x.x;

Sad to say this would be the first of a ton of times my emotions caught me off-guard this weekend x.x;

Don't worry, I'm editing the meltdowns out for the public facing recaps! Y'all know where my BPD tag is <3

With ironing done there seemed to be less than an hour until the promised arrival. A morning well spent and a heart full of cheer, I moved on to greet Daja!

The original plan was to do the dommey “come to me!” moment but my heart was too explode with joy so I just glomped. Daja woke up early for me! “You’re the only Sunrise worth waking up for!”

I am squishy melty squee! So so happy!

It was a short-lived reunion as her trance card had other names on the list above mine, but she was sure to show me all the ways I would later be doomed. Mind melting VR headsets and hypnotic orange chocolate. As well as a surprise tool which we may need later.

-

The afternoon was fairly lowkey. I found some familiar faces in Turq and Mazirian in the common area and took some time to discuss simple things like anime and wrestling. I was introduced to some of the more flavorful acts and some of the feats of incredible strength such as picking talent up by their ankles and hammer throwing them like Miss Trunchbull. Made me think about the fact that people picking me up is one of those horseshoe things. Right on the border between ABSOLUTELY NOT red and ...please....? green...

Only one person is allowed to pick me up. I am Excalipurr.

Turq and I have a decent enough relationship as metamours. I share the same shyness with him that I work hard to conquer with Nath and Puppet. It's a shame because Turq and I have a *lot* in common. We can talk about anime/manga and focus on the classics. We enjoy wrestling, Transformers, video games and we both are quite fond of a certain lass.

Maz is someone I have had very limited contact with. We flirt online openly, which is fairly rare for me, but he is firmly in the circle of people I have marked as Trusted. He's vouched for by my Goddess, my girlfriend and is partners with one of the fleeting few connections I had with the hypnosis community in the 2000s. He's fantastic with hairplay and---

--if I may be a little self-obsessed in my self-obsessed journal? ...he makes me feel attractive. His compliments on my hair, the genuine flirting... it makes my gender dysphoria go away. I present myself as an attractive woman a lot, especially in these spaces. I don't know how he does it, but he makes my mind forget that it's something I'm presenting as. It's just something that I am.

It was nice to just enjoy some gentle social energy and try to get added to the trance card of a lovely friend who worked with me briefly at Beguiled. I also finally got to meet Glitter-Spiral who is a very important human that I have evaded meeting for 3 years worth of events.

Glitter-Spiral has not let up on complaining to Daja about the fact that I have been RIGHT THERE for all this time and we keep missing one another. It was nice to finally meet her the energy that she exudes is so bright and forceful. Sassy and flooded with color. I could see instantly why she was scheduled to teach bratting.

As I enjoyed breaking street-date and hugging GS, Turq looked at his phone and audibly responded to the message “She’s sitting right next to me and I can ask for you.” Apparently Daja asked her spouse, Turq, if she could use the room to spend some time with me.

So I rushed upstairs and we worked a little on a couple things.

Firstly, practice for the Presence class. We ran some drills on the Big Moment we had discussed as an endcap to the hypnotist side of the demonstration. Something flashy and showy that I just needed practice with and we discussed blocking for the showy end of the hypnotee segment.

I had run many of these drills over and over with Sleepy but the script was not sticking to my mind and my nerves kept me from embodying my Top Space. I kept telling myself "we'll just read the script and do it live." "Trust that performance will give you the push you need." - another case of that dysfunction where my brain cannot accurately or coherently visualize the future and so lets all that hard work and practice disintegrate.

That used to be a big issue for me when I was a coder, but that's a story for another time.

The reason I mention it is because after running those drills with Daja, I finally felt prepared. I finally think I can teach a class!

Second on the agenda was working on an amnesia suggestion which will come up later and lastly installing a kiss summon trigger– because kiss summon triggers are my thing.

Daja returned the favor by plugging me into a 20 minute custom VR session to add in a few suggestions and gently scrub perception of them away.

During the session Daja installed two suggestions, both of which I shall lose memory of the moment I finish typing, the first is that when I nuzzle her I will drop deeply into trance and the second is a return of the summoning trigger from Beguiled.

(Future Cammie edit!: I now have full memory of this. As part of my therapy I journal daily and this was written on the day. I will make notes in the text when I am typing from after the convention)

There was a point where she heavily reminded me of Goddess’ control and that no hypnosis at all would work without my collar. I was told I reached for my collar and held it as I drank in that suggestion.

The aftercare for the scene progressed and triggers were tested and promptly forgotten once more.

-

From here on I type from after the convention. My memories of the above session remain with me both while working on the journal, for Daja ensured I could always journal reality, no matter what my mind perceived in a hypnotic compulsion (especially if I allowed myself to forget again afterwards) - but more crucially those memories will go with me back to Minnesota.

My hope is that by typing these words they may not fade as far too many tend to.

After the wonderful scene had been completed and sweet Cammie was puddlified and programmed, we agreed that it was a good time for food. My room contained myself, Sleepyhead and Puppet. Daja's room was her and Turq. We agreed that the two rooms should be a bubble for both COVID safety and meal sharing when appropriate.

The original plan was to connect Daja and Cammie rooms so we could just Kramer in to one another’s space all weekend. I feel that may have been a benefit to all had it have happened.

Alas. We had to walk a *whole flight of stairs!* Unacceptable.

Dinner for the night was a local Italian restaurant’s pizza. For Puppet a pasta dish (which required Daja and I to run over to Oikos Prime (remote) and grab cutlery, while saying hello to my Goddess Lady Ru’etha as well as other Oikos household members Jukebox and Copper… as well as sweet Timbit, the most adorable floof in the world) Sleepy got a 14” and for Turq, Daja and I we split a 16”. Sleepyhead had AGDQ on and insisted on showing Turq the AIRBOAT run, a modded Portal run that used Half-Life 2 objects on spawn to proceed through the testing facility instead of the normal portal guns.

The meal was well enjoyed and ended with Turq heading off to mingle and Daja had some more time put aside for scenes with other partners.

I decided that if I were going to get into a headspace less puddlified and a little more casual for the night then perhaps I would need to stop wearing my Sunrise dress, which was typically used for subby bliss scenes, such as the mind melting machine.

But my Dawn outfits were booked out for later in the weekend… so I made a quick change based on my proposed Travel Day outfit:

Charmed Outfit 2: Cozy Camden Winter-wear

For after brains have had time to be melted and one wants to drink coffee and see some familiar faces for no reason beyond socializing.

Socializing, as intended, was not as simple as I had assumed it would be for the majority of the time. In fact I felt quite overwhelmed. I am told that Pre-Pandemic Con Lifestyle involved a lot of group lunches and comfortable hangouts which were more accessible to making connections and melting shy exteriors. As it stood, I had a number of people do the “hey, it’s Cammie!” Moment and I never really worked out how to capitalize on it.

My own fault, really. Shyness is a crippling affectation and I cannot always be a forceful personality capable of running movie theatres or mingling on command.

But all too soon, Daja let me know that her personal jewelry commission from one of our lovely vending friends (whose I will edit in a name for if I get permission) was finished.

The commission was a blue bottle. A blue bottle because of a conversation the two of us had from when the vendors were showing off their wares. 

As I typed on the final day of our last meet-up:

We did clean up. She packed away the summoning trigger and any other things which may have been picked up. I put away the blue fire, which I hadn’t intended to become a trigger, but Daja’s eager and clever brain picked up on it without hesitation. It was placed inside a glass bottle, waiting to be revealed again.

Blue Fire. The gift of perfect obedience. A trigger I had worked with in our last meeting, based on a story from the Tammy Pierce books Daja and I each love. A finger to the forehead. A magical blue fire. Then the enchanted individual would awaken having completed a single command. Whether it be as simple as climb down a tower or something unthinkable.

We had placed the magical blue fire which could melt her mind away inside a blue bottle, a reference in itself to Ocarina of Time.

We had agreed to unbottle the fire and return it on the night of the Soiree and use it to get Daja all nice and dressed up for the event while I offered her “my heart”, knowing she would return it in time. Theoretically it could be used in mingle with another scene we had that weekend, though.

Daja wanted to break street date and get to enjoy the blue flame for the entire weekend. I told her I was willing to go ahead and do that for her, but only if she was certain she wanted it.

Now, Miss Dawn is a Fae. This has been true since the days she was simply an expression of gender euphoria in tabletop scenes and LARP. She was not going to accept a simple “I’m sure” as a method of consent.

“Please, Miss Dawn. Uncork the bottle.”

You must say it of your own volition three times. Uncoerced and unbound by a fractionated mind. Say it three times and I shall uncork the bottle and unleash the spell which effortlessly bewitches your mind and engulfs you in the flame of Pure Obedience. Knowing that once that spell takes hold and melts your mind away there will not be a single thing you will not do for me when I command you under its enchantment.

“Please, Miss Dawn. Uncork the bottle.”

I lowered myself and took her arm and kissed her fiercely. Looked her in the eyes and held her gaze. I reminded her that she would act without any memory of her actions, that she would be giving me complete control of her and doing so without a long thought was simply unwise.

“Please, Miss Dawn. Uncork the bottle.”

Utilizing a previously installed trigger I commanded her to kiss me and enjoyed the moment. My fingers laced around the bottle. If she were to ask me one more time then I would be bound by my Fae Contract to comply and control her.

Was this really? Truly? Deeply desired?

“Please, Miss Dawn…”

I gave her hair a tug and looked her in the eyes.

“Please uncork the bottle.”

As you wish, my love.

What else could a Fae say when bound by a contract? I followed the pre-negotiated scene, which had some lovely amnesia laden suggestions hidden within. Because I am a tricky Fae and if the airplane ride and the MMM scene had not already proven, Daja and I studied for this test and had written a dissertation on how to make these scenes work.

I am also editorializing a little bit because I have a broken brain that doesn’t remember things and imagines things between the gaps.

“Hand me the bottle, my dear.”

And it was at this point, Daja learned that her arms were hanging loose at her side. She couldn’t reach up. She couldn’t unclasp it. If she couldn’t unclasp it she couldn’t hand it to me. If she couldn’t hand it to me, she couldn’t receive my gift of Perfect Obedience.

Daja noted her inability and I teased the chain. “I need you to offer it to me, my dear.”, my honey sweet voice taunting with my knowledge that she simply could not obey.

“Please, Miss Dawn. Please.”

Energy flowed between the pair of us and the Perfect Obedience trigger was tested. A finger to the forehead and Daja’s mind was set ablaze by blue fire. Her eyelids rolled up so beautifully and she would do *anything* I asked.

I am particularly proud of the two times I was able to show it off for an audience.

With the Obedience trigger installed and some more fun had, it was time to prepare for the morning. We were to go to Nath’s class, Daja and Tenn’s and then mine.

In order to go to mine we needed to have me ready to spend the night. So I masked up and rushed back to my room to perform the Walk Of Shame. Which I find lovely and amusing, given Nothing Was Going To Happen. But I got my pyjamas and tomorrow’s outfit and transported them to Daja’s room so I could Spend The Night. <3

I was still a lil’ bit overwhelmed and frazzled and made some silly mistakes like forgetting(?) my Precious. Precious is supposed to go with me and I forgot her!

It’s okay though. Miss had Faithful, Precious’ twin, and let me hug him while I slept…

And curled up with Miss and Faithful… I did sleep.

Part 3 link