#“oh fuck yeah!” deadpool exclaims at the hulking mass of black and teeth. “glad its on our side” logan comments

[roughentumble]

YESSSS THATS SUCH A FUN IDEA

when he woke up, banner assured him "you're free now, it cant hurt you anymore," and eddie felt SICK he wanted to demand venom back, but he played it cool, tentatively said "so he's... gone," to gather information and banner replied "you've got nothing to be afraid of, i have it under lock and key. it cant possibly get to you anymore."

eddie had seen an actual ad in the paper for wade's "do-good mercy-nary services" which seemed absolutely ridiculous and he got a good laugh about it with venom, but now he's all alone and banner has venom locked away!! and there's only so much he can do with the information he'd gotten from banner about venom's location!! so as soon as he stumbles home he starts formulating a plan. he could try and do it on his own, but banner has stark tech that he's working with, and eddie's no good at hacking. a "mercy-nary" doesnt really sound like he'd be a good hacker either, but at the very least he probably knows how to slip into places unnoticed, right? and eddie doesnt have anyone he could contact about any of this. so he caves, and he gathers up all his meager savings, and he makes the call.

"i know how this sounds," he says into the receiver, "but i had an-- an alien. attached to me. and someone stole him, and now i want him back. he really matters to me, and he's been kidnapped, and i cant get him back on my own." there's silence on the other end, presumably processing this.

"well!" a cheery voice says, "why not aliens? we've already got mutants and magicians and superhumans running around. if you say he's been kidnapped, then we're happy to help! oooo, was it an eerie government facility, i love breaking into those and slaughtering everyone inside!"

eddie looks down at the phone nervously. maybe this was the wrong number to call. there's sounds of a scuffle, and the cheery voice whines something muffled and petulant, and then a much more gruff voice appears to tell him "ignore him. we'll help. bring half the payment now to discuss particulars, and half when the job's finished."

somehow the voice is even less comforting than the odd cheery one, but eddie's fairly desperate. "deal," he says. "and, uh, no, it isnt a governemnt agency. it... it's... it's bruce banner. the avenger."

silence. there's a squealing sound on the other end of the line, and a distant "ohmigod, we're gonna steal from an /avenger/! think he'll sign my boobs if i ask nicely?" the gruff voice, much closer to the phone, says "keep ignoring him. bring the money." and then the line clicks dead.

/the things you do for love/, eddie thinks despairingly

you know what we need? a fic where bruce banner tries to forcibly separate eddie and venom. after all, venom is attacking people, and he knows what it's like to be taken over by a beast that you cant control! and he cant be separated from the hulk, but he can save this human taken hostage by a space alien. clearly, he is helping.

only for eddie to wake up on a gurney after a soundwave attack and be forced to go on a super spy mission to retrieve his love, and shut down banner's sonic weapons