#“oh but they apologized and deleted the callout!!!” and i appreciate it a lot but the damage is still done dude.

[bambizcornfarm]

every day that i remember that theres still people out there who may believe that terrible, completely cluttered call out about me and others with fake proof and obvious misinformation my blood either boils and i bite everyone or i get sad and sit in my overthinking corner

[babbushka]

Saying this from a place of compassion and love... if a post criticising you has over 70 notes, the author and people who reblog it are being approached by others agreeing with them, if even anons not within the fandom but who are aware from the situation agree with them (like me)... have you considered they may be right? Please listen. Please do self-introspection. If there’s such a loud message out there it’s because of a reason. Lots of love

I hear you, and I understand where you’re coming from completely, and I’m going to say this as clearly and neatly as I possibly can, because it’s been made very clear that people on the internet like to whip things up and let it spiral out of control. 

I reblogged the post that @wayward-rose made with the tags of “i still stand by everything that I said” without much more explanation than that, which people didn’t seem to really appreciate, and I recognize that that was wrong. 

This response is going to serve as that explanation. This is most likely going to be long, so I’ll be putting it under a cut, but I hope that people will read my side of things before casting judgement against me. I understand people are going to still cast judgement, and that’s fine, but I would like the chance to just say my side. 

The screenshots that were chosen to be put in that callout post about me, of posts and conversations that I’ve had back and forth with people, or posts that I’ve made/ask responses I’ve given, were confusing, because there is much more context surrounding pretty much all of these situations, as well as things that went on behind the scenes. I’d like, if I may, to explain what those screenshots are referring to, from my perspective. For ease of clarity, I’ll just go in the order of which the original post has been done. 

The Oscars where JP won for best actor were filled with many beautifully heartfelt speeches about giving support to Australia during the wildfire crisis. Cate Blanchett, Patricia Arquette, Jennifer Aniston on behalf of Russel Crow, Pierce Brosnan -- they all made speeches. And yet, the only thing I was seeing on my dashboard were gifs of JP, a known sexual predator and overall very bad guy, being celebrated for at the very last minute, likely after having seen everyone else include a heartfelt statement in their speech, tacking on a ‘oh save Australia’ at the end of his own speech. 

I made a post expressing how I was disappointed with the amount of coverage JP was getting in comparison to how little everyone else who had spoken up. @callmehopeless reblogged the post and began to say that regardless of what JP has done, his message is somehow more important than everyone else’s message that was said, because he won best actor. You all saw the conversation that took place afterwards, with me reiterating my point of ‘yes he spoke out about it but he’s not the only one and he shouldn’t the only one lauded for it.’ and her insinuating that I wanted everyone in Australia to die by fire. Not that it matters for anything, but I would like to mention that while all this was going on, I was frequently sharing support links, donation sites, and news coverage on how to help the wildfires in Australia, as we all were. I didn’t include it on the post, because that’s not what the post was really about, but I disagree with the insinuation that I wasn’t spreading information too. 

I still stand by my point that he should not have received the most praise for doing the bare minimum in a time of crisis. I saw that the conversation wasn’t going anywhere, so I ended it. I never accused anyone of being a rape apologist, I only expressed my frustration that the known allegations about him were being ignored. There is a difference. 

The second point regarding the blush, I will admit wasn’t handled well on my part. I fully recognize that now, and looking back, I can understand how my frustration with @wayward-rose looks hostile. It was never intended to be hostile, I was just genuinely confused with her reblogging one of my fics as having a “white reader” because of the inclusion of blush. I was extremely hesitant to approach TWR about this tagging of the fic, because the only interactions I had had previously with her, were when she reblogged one of my posts with writing of her own, surrounding a topic that I was uncomfortable with, and then proceeded to lecture me on what triggers are and are not as if I were an incompetent fool, which, for all intents and purposes, she might’ve thought that I was. Conversations with TWR very quickly turn to technicalities, which is why I tried to be as cut and dry about it as I was. 

With this frame of reference from her point of view regarding the whole “I have friends of color so I can do whatever I want,” I would like to say that I never had that intention, and seeing it presented that way does make me feel awful, and I’m sorry for it. I don’t want people to think that I’m in any way tokenizing anyone, because if you know me, you know that that’s something I am constantly expressing feelings against. I was trying to explain that I didn’t make up this idea that only white people blush, but I admit fully that it was a poor explanation and a poor argument to have been made. I try very hard to make my readers as vague in terms of skin color as possible, and I thought that because I didn’t mention the color of the blush (like denoting it as a pink or rosy blush for example) that I would be inclusive. I was wrong, and I admit that. 

In regards to the writing of Flip Zimmerman with catholic iconography even though he’s a canonically Jewish character, particularly by a non-Jewish author, I still stand by my point. Characters who have no stated religion can and should be interpreted as everyone sees fit, because representation matters for marginalized communities. But when a Jewish character’s identity is replaced or erased with another, well, that’s just a small piece of a long line of casual antisemitism that I wanted to bring up to her. I never wanted or told her to delete her story, I never sent anyone to go fill her inbox, I never told her to edit it. After the blush discussion, I tried to simply end the argument by voicing my concerns and saying I thought it was in poor taste to have done what she did, because of the history around such topics -- and I still stand by that. 

The posts regarding the Very Popular Fic I take full responsibility for, I don’t deny that I make them, nor do I deny any of the sentiments in them. I expressed my annoyance at constantly being asked if I’ve read that fic, if I liked that fic, what I thought of that fic weekly for months and months after it blew up on tik tok, despite having expressed my dislike for it in the past. You can only get asked something so many times before it grates on your nerves. 

I still stand by my point that seeing content which you find upsetting being the type of content that gets “””famous”” is frustrating. I didn’t imply that I’m only writing for the notes. I referred to the fic as a ‘joke’ because in the tags of that fic on AO3, the author compares it to a shitpost. Similarly to the Other Fic with the handmaid’s tale AU, the author themselves put in the tags of the fic on AO3 that they knew this was in poor taste. 

I’d like to make it clear that I don’t dislike fics because they’re popular. I dislike fics because sometimes there’s content that I find disturbing or damaging, or in poor taste with regards to source material. I don’t go out of my way to read that content, because I don’t like it. So when hundreds of people are asking my opinions about it, and I express those opinions, then people like to jump down my throat and say I’m a bully...you can imagine why I get so snappish when the topic comes up. The comment about the brain cells thing was understandably harsh. I apologize for that comparison, it’s just a phrase I say frequently, I honestly didn’t think anything of it at the time, and I’ll do better in the future to not make such harsh comparisons. 

I also stand by my point that I don’t like the fic, I don’t advocate for the fic, and it really shouldn’t matter what I think because the author will do what the author does, and that’s fine. I don’t have to like it, and you guys don’t have to like the fact that I dislike it. 

When someone sends in a message anonymously, I have no idea who they are, and most of the time, unless they leave an emoji or something, I’ve got no idea what context they’re asking me about, particularly when it comes to blocking. I had absolutely no way of knowing that the anon who messaged me asking why I blocked them, was someone I had blocked for reblogging gifs of mine. However, the idea that it’s a bad thing that I blocked someone for reblogging my gifs with comments I didn’t really appreciate (I wouldn’t have blocked them for the comments shown in the fic, usually it’s stuff about how they want to get pregnant by flip, or once there was someone who commented that they wanted flip to destroy their pussy -- that’s the comments that tend to get blocked. 

But either way, blocking people from accessing your content is not a bad thing, and I stand by my point that blocking does not always mean I have anything personally against them, but rather I’d rather just not interact with their posts/have them interact with mine. It’s really not that deep. 

I don’t really know how many times I have to say that of course I don’t own a character or anything, but I do say it, constantly. Particularly regarding personal AUs, which, I really don’t find as deep as people seem to think I do. However, the content that I make, I do believe I have some right to voice my opinion on what the internet does with it. I think that if someone comments something on one of my fics, or my posts, or my gifs, and I don’t like it, I should be allowed to block them -- just as anyone else should be allowed to with their own content. 

The comment about Ben Solo still stands, I won’t be expanding on that. 

The last point that I would like to explain myself about, was made in Hope’s reblog of the post, is the whole “I bullied someone for leaving fandom” incident. I can only assume that she means an author who I had been informed was plagiarizing my work from the fic Blue Moon. I had never had this happen to me before, but I’d been told my many other people that this author has a history of taking other people’s content and uploading it as their own, including someone that I was at one point good friends with. I believed them, and I reached out to this author expressing my concerns, only expressing to please not do this in the future, or at the very least, mention that this was related to my story. This author deleted her account, and that was the last I heard about it. 

I’m honestly shocked and confused by how many people have come forward and said that they find my responses to anonymous questions mean-spirited or toxic. I try very hard to maintain a general rule of, if you’re kind to me, I’ll be kind back. In many instances, anonymous questions come across as rude, disrespectful, flat out mean, or frustrating, and so I reply back with a less-than-nice manner. 

The last thing I’d like to say on this whole matter is this: I want to make it clear that I mean no personal malice towards any of the people that these screenshots surround. I vehemently disagree with the narrative that I send people after one another, I just don’t do that. What people do is of their own accord. I don’t ever want people to be sent hate, because firstly I don’t think that’s a good thing to do, but secondly, I get sent hate all the time, and I know how it feels. I don’t want that for anyone. I know that the collection of these screenshots may make it seem otherwise, but I really do try to stay in my lane, and I only speak up on things that I’m passionate about -- whether it’s passionately positive or negative. 

I would like to apologize for the way that I’ve responded to criticism in the past, it’s just frustrating when people are criticizing you from a perspective that doesn’t take into consideration that there might be more to the story. All I can do is move forward and try to check myself, and I hope that with these explanations, people out there will realize that when I act out of frustration or aggressively, it’s because I feel as though I’m not being heard. 

I know that whatever opinion you form of me is yours and will be yours, but if you’ve read this entire thing then thank you, I appreciate you hearing me out. Hope you’re all doing well, and as always, I truly am sending you guys all my love. 

[jadecringecomp]

this will be added to the more updated callout when im done with it, but i feel this should be put out there so people realize just how dangerous jade is.

everyone is aware that me and jade had originally had a fallout because i said some mean things. however looking back on it after showing a curious friend, i can see jade had practically gaslighted me into believing i was in the wrong when in actuality, it was them. i believed this for the whole 5 months jade abused me.

so of course, everyone knows that jade believed i had made a vague about them which resulted in our fallout. this being the vague...

now, jade has tried to claim they did the right thing by waiting a day to come to me to let me calm down. which would have been fine... if they didnt vague me like so...

now i dont really think vaguing is exactly that deep. but the fact that instead of coming to me directly like friends usually do, they choose to vague me and then wait an entire day to actually confront me. again i dont think vaguing is that deep, but the fact that jade instead chose to make a public vague about me (we were still friends at this point) instead of waiting a day to come ask me about the vague is incredibly childish and not something friends do to one another. not only that, they go to the only person they know for a fact im having problems with at the time. and jade has their boyfriend among other friends to talk about this to, so it wasnt as if this friend was the only one they could go to at the time.

and now for the conversation that went down... (please note i was going by rae at this time)

“[jade] hey rae i know you probably dont remember and dont wanna hear this but

[jade] the other day you made a post saying ppl just use you for stuff including emotional support and it just made me feel bad? like i know ive needed a lot of support lately but ive also tried really hard to be there for you too and it just makes me kinda feel like it doesnt matter..

[me] i can get that

[me] at the same time tho the post. wasnt even abt you

[jade] i mean...i know it wasnt ALL but like... its pretty hard not to see how it wouldnt be at all”

“[me] yeah i can see that

[me] still anthony thot that like

[me] i was vageing you or some shit

[me] when i. wasnt

[jade] idk i just dont really want to make it a big deal.. i didnt mean anything

[me] then why did you vague me

[me] sorry im just. confused

[jade] because i thought you did the same??”

as you can see, i had already confronted jade and jade gives a piss poor reason, even blaming me for their actions. not to mention they can say they didnt mean anything all they want but that still doesnt answer the question as to why they vagued me the moment they thought i was vaguing them and went to someone i was having problems with instead of coming to me like a normal human being. so naturally, i get annoyed. you can see more why i say theyre blaming me once i go on further in this convo.

“[me] jade how can you tell me i handle things poorly when you do the same

[jade] what am i handling poorly...

[me] you didnt even talk to me abt it you just automatically thot i was talking abt you. again, which is understandable and i can see how but still

[jade] i mean it didnt seem super approachable so like forgive me for waiting until the next morning???

[me] wait what does that last part mean”

jade proceeding to guilt trip me by being passive aggressive despite them admitting to vaguing me right away and instead waiting to talk to me...

“[jade] i didnt say anything immediately since i knew you were already upset and it wouldnt help anything so i didnt say anything until later

[me] you didnt say shit to me and went to anthony..

[jade] okay next time your freaking out and posting stuff on tumblr do you want me to come to you with more stuff? if thats how you want it then ok ig..

[me] well im just. more frustrated you can tell me im handling smth poorly when you. handled this poorly as well. anthony literally thot i was vagueing you and got mad abt that

[me] and they want me to apologize too but idk. what im even apologizing for still

[me] how am i handling it poorly tho? like rae what was i supposed to do”

the fact jade cant realize they had done something they were accusing me of and is surprised im annoyed about it is absolutely astounding to me. ESPECIALLY since they went to someone they KNEW i was having problems with at the time when they had multiple people to do this with.

“[me] ask me abt it

[me] the same thing you told me to do with anthony

[jade] rae how would that have helped anything when u were clearly already upset abt shit

[me] like i can understand you didnt wanna at that moment but why not just. later on

[jade] i did????

[me] instead of going straight to someone assuming the worst”

whats even more astounding is jade acknowledges i was upset about something but chose to vague me right away. im starting to believe theres a reason why jade never showed the proof of these messages when they have access to them.

“[jade] so like im not allowed to express my feelings to other ppl now??

[me] not what im saying

[jade] like i didnt tell anthony to talk to you or anything and i would have rather they didnt bring me up but like. nothing i can do about it now so like.

[jade] like im sorry but looking at all the stuff youve done recently i rlly dont think you have any standing to tell me im handling stuff poorly

[me] you mean the whole anthony stuff??

[jade] that and then the fact that you made a post saying you have no friends and people just use you..like you block your friends out of nowhere for no reason like you dont have a right to say that”

then jade proceeds to guilt trip me more by saying i wasnt letting them express their feelings to other people. again they have had multiple people to go to this to and the only person they choose is the one they knew themself i was having problems with. i dont think they realize how incredibly telling that is alone.

also please do note that jade had acknowleged i made the post while i was having a rough time and is trying to make it seem like i was in the wrong despite them being the one to vague about me and then go directly to anthony. mind you, this is all just because they thought i was vaguing them when in reality i didnt and i had told them on multiple occasions as can already be seen.

“[me] yeah so uhh

[me] now Im not allowed to express how i feel at that moment

[jade] rae i literally had to like. practically beg you to tell me what was wrong when it was clearly bothering you and then you just turn around and say all that shit

[me] what do you mean

[jade] like you kept acting like you were upset over the anthony thing but you wouldnt tell anyone until i like kept asking abt it because i was concerned? but then i just see you turn around and say how you have no friends and everyone just uses you and its like. oh ok

[me] i told levi abt it and that was all who i wanted to know abt it. i literally only told you because you wanted to know so bad. but i do appreciate how you tried to help with it all like im not invalidating that but.”

jade only proceeds to try and turn the blame on me... completely regarding what they previously did...

“[jade] but what?? i bent over backwards to help despite all my own stress and then you basically said it didnt matter

[me] if youre talking abt the post that was how i felt in the moment

[jade] well you shouldve thought about how it would come off.

[me] dude im sorry to say but that was your bad for seeing it that way

[jade] if youre going to put something on the internet its really kind of your responsibility to think about how it comes off actually

[me] in that kind of state im not. gonna be thinkin abt that

[me] but thats exactly why it got deleted after a bit”

jade basically telling me that they didnt care if i was breaking down (which they obviously acknowledge) and i should instead care if im gonna piss them off or not. yeah that makes a lot of sense. also note jade is still trying to put the blame on me and at this point, has clearly finally acknowledged the vague wasnt even about them in the first place!

“[jade] its still on you though

[me] ok jade

[jade] i mean youre an adult rae. youre 20. its kind of time to start acting like it

[me] ok”

and the fact jade says this, again, DESPITE doing what they did previoiusly and trying to deflect only to guilt trip me, is VERY telling about what kind of person jade is. im sorry but if you took jades word when they told you i was shitty to them, you were manipulated. im even a victim to that because again, they made me believe that for 5 whole months until i showed a friend.

again, being friends with jade is dangerous because once you do something they dont like, something similar to this will happen. similar things to this has happened with multiple of their victims and once they see it will benefit them, they will twist it until they turn blue.