#“no who is this weirdo haha you think i’d actually be into him?? ew”

[hellaephemeral]

sanji for blorbo bingo? i am also so incredibly not normal about him

omggg thank you sm for asking for my bbg 🙏🙏🛐🛐 it’s impooossible to be normal about him fr 😭😭🤝🤝

have you ever seen a man more bbg?? more pathetic?? more squishable?? no <3

(he is innocent <3 oda is making the choices sanji has nOTHING to do with them <3)

[hannie-dul-set]

who in svt would agree to platonically kiss you

maybe you're a writer and would want to know how it feels to have peppered swipes of love gently sprinkling your face for the piece you're trying to write. or maybe you're trying to fake having a boyfriend to get your ex off your ass. or maybe you're just weird and/or read too much fanfiction and hope for your own 100k f2l love story with your best friend. whatever your dumb reason is, here's a list of who will agree, who will smack you upside in the face, and who will permanently delete you from his contacts!! let's find out!!

seungcheol: dude he'd agree to (platonically) marry you in order to get your nosy relatives off your ass for being single for so long. just give him a signal and he'd be ready to make out in the middle of a bunch of greasy bodies in a club just to get some weirdo to fuck off because duh?? that's what friends do?? right??? | rating: 9/10 minus one point simply because he'd probably fall in love with you and that would ruin the platonic bit.

jeonghan: "about time you gave in, babe ;))" a little shit. would tease you relentlessly about your apparent, subconscious desire to punch him for him. angel is all talk though, because once you're already inches away from him, he'd panic and chicken out because holy fuck ahaha this shouldn't happen. pulls away from you last minute. would tell you your breath stank of cilantro as a cover up | rating: 3/10 he's a fucking loser don't even try.

joshua: he'd laugh, crinkling his nose and say wow that would be wild haha, but proceed to ignore you. he may have turned into the bare-armed, testosterone monster that he is now, but joshua still wouldn't want to kiss anyone he isn't in a relationship with. that's what his mother taught him and he isn't gonna disobey her cause of you. maybe try asking him out first <33 | rating: 1/10 the one is there because wow you might get him as your boyfriend.

junhui: sorry, but jun would ask you first. you'd be sitting in his living room, watching netflix at god knows what the fuck am and he'd be like "hey. movie's boring. wanna make out?" and you'd be like sure until all of a sudden oops you're not only platonically kissing anymore wow what a slip up | rating: 10/10 you're both a matchmade in horny heaven.

soonyoung: look. soonyoung is wild. soon is down for anything. soonie will probably stab himself with a fork just because you told him he can't. but that's the thing— he'd only do it if it was a challenge. ask him to kiss you because you've been lying to your friends that you had a boyfriend and they wanted evidence? his cheeks will start flaring. tell him "oh i that's fine. i knew you'd be too much of a pussy to agree" then damn you've just unleashed the tiger | rating: 6/10 because of the extra effort you have to put in.

wonwoo: jeon is a simple man. he is a classy man. a simple "no" without even looking at your direction is the only thing you're getting from him. you'd whine, telling him please— i wanna write this story for one of my classes perfectly and the main guy is a nerd and you're the only loser i know. he'd close the book he was reading, leaning into your face ever so slowly, right before smacking the fucking book on your head because wow. the audacity of you | rating: 0/10 but 10/10 if you wanna come back to your senses.

jihoon: what the fuck why would you even consider asking him you evil monster you just wanna watch jihoon shrivel up like a dried grape painted in a fresh coat of red | rating: invalid. error. don't even try unless you want to get guitar smacked when he finally recovers from shock.

minghao: if you were a stranger, yes he'd agree. but you're not. you're his friend and he knows about your gross habits and that's just a no for him like ew. unless you're desperate for whatever the fuck reason. only if you agree to be his poor PA during his monthly, ig outfit photoshoot this weekend and you start to wonder if this is really worth carrying three bags of outfits, one for his accessories, and the amount of muscle pain? thought so | rating: 4/10 if you're crazy and actually go through with it because if he's gonna do it, he's gonna do it right.

mingyu: he'd agree. mingyu is a sweetheart of course he would. the only drawback is that he'd be a huge fucking mess and be like "kiss??? kiss me?? you want?? ahaha o-oh yeah sure totally i'd love to ki— i mEAN since u asked haha" his brain would start whirring like a broken microwave when you do and start thinking is this okay?? do friends do this?? oh my god?? | rating: 7/10 but i doubt he'd even be able to look at you in the eye after this lmao. you got to kiss him but at what cost ://

seokmin: "omg!! sure!!! let's kiss :D" okay, maybe you suggested it because you're a demon and you wanted to see him flustered but oops, seokmin is actually down for it because he is so full of love and would kiss you again if you asked. you're like???? wait i didn't plan it this way, seokmin i— OOPS he already gave you a tiny smooch. he's smiling, asking you if you want another one and smoke is literally emitting from your head rip | rating: 8/10 your brain is fried but at least he's cute.

seungkwan: "excuse me?? you want to kiss me?? know your place, loser" kwan isn't gonna tolerate this kind of troglodytic behavior. you haven't even asked permission from his parents, court him with a million bouquets, chocolates, and vitamins and you're expecting him to agree to kiss you?? wow the sheer shamelessness of some people smh | rating: 2/10 tiny chance that he'd agree if you tell him it was for attention.

vernon: he didn't hear you the first time. second time. wait is this the fifth? until you're literally up at his face asking him for a smooch because you wanted your roommate to believe you actually went out to get laid instead of playing animal crossing at vernon's place because the vibe of his room matched the cozy atmosphere. she would start clowning you if she found out. poor vernon is surprised. frozen. but he manages to stammer out a "sure" and you've already left but vernon was still thinking of you | rating: 6/10 bcs oops haha didn't mean for it to turn angsty

chan: would say yes without giving it much thought until he realized what you were doing and he's like oh shit you were actually serious okay we're doing this. but wait we're in public y/n what the fuck. and you're like shut the fuck up the guy that's been bothering me is here and he's like oh okay. would be embarrassed for the next few days but let's say you got into a petty argument and chan would be like "ooh you wanna kiss me so bad" and you're like "fuck no" and he'd say "you already did" and you're like god damn it | rating: 7/10 because he's gonna use it against you lol.

[bts-dontknowher]

Dangerously - Chapter 1

HAHA I LOVE JIKOOK.

Jungkook x Jimin x Reader

Word Count: 1,784

Genre: Fluff

This is literally a soulmate au and it’s a poly relationship with Jikook. And...it’s...probably shit but I’m into it so.

“Stop looking at me like that”, my best friend grumbled, his eyes still glued to his phone. I didn't realize I was even staring until he pointed it out. He lazily rolled his head around to look at me and I felt flustered, “sorry, it won’t happen again”. He stared back at me until I looked away, making him laugh, “you can sure dish it out”. “Shut up, Jungcook.” I pushed his face away and sighed, getting my phone out. “Are you nervous?” His voice was soft, which is unlike him, so I stared at him again, “nervous for what? This is your day”. He glared at me for a couple seconds then sighed, “I know but this could mean we never see each other again”. “You think that just because you find your girlfriend means that we won’t see each other? As friends?” He shrugged and looked down at his phone, “shit it’s almost my birthday”, he looked at me again, “what if she’s ugly? What if we’ve already met and never knew it was us?” I laughed softly, “what if we’re matched?” He shook his head, “nah, there’s no way. I mean I love you, but I don’t know”. “Aw! I love you, too, Kookie!” I threw myself onto his lap and wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging him tight, “you’re the best”, he cut me off by shoving me away from him and onto the floor, “get off of me, you crazy woman!” I pouted and forced fake tears up into my eyes, “you’re so mean”. He shrugged and helped me back onto the couch, both of us gasping when his phone dinged. He shoved it at me and I looked at it before taking it reluctantly. I opened the text and my eyebrows pulled together, “What does this mean?” “What? What does it say?” I tried to tap something, anything for some type of definition but nothing happened obviously. He tried to snatch the phone back but I shook my head, “it says ‘Jeon Jungkook. Happy Birthday! We’re excited for you to meet your soulmate. Unfortunately, things are a little complicated with this one. Please standby’”. The color left his face and I heard my phone ding seconds later so I grabbed it, gasping as I read the same message but with my name and minus the happy birthday. “Does this mean we got each other?” He shook his head quickly and ran his hands over his face so I held the phones up, a new message coming in to both of our phones at the same time. ‘You are now being transferred to your soulmate.’ Jungkook jumped up and started doing jumping jacks, “WE ARE NOT SOULMATES!!!!!” I smiled at him then went to the chat that was created for the two of us, at the same damn time. Oh, yeah, we’re together—wait a second, Jungkook, look, it’s not just you and I!” I gave him his phone back and he looked so surprised, “what number is this?” I glared at the side of his face, “how in the world should I know?”

Welcome to the chat. Please, use this app to get to know each other, forever is a long time!

Unknown: Uh…hello? Who’s the youngest that finally set this off haha?

Jungkook and I stared at each other until he broke, “is it a boy or a girl? I shrugged and looked back at the message, chewing on my lip, “I don’t know…but does this mean that we are going to be in a…a…” “A giant threesome?! YEAH, I THINK SO.” I gulped and he dropped down, doing pushups. He’s such a weirdo.

Unknown: I’ve been waiting for almost 2 years now, thought I was the only person in the world that didn’t get someone. Unknown: Oh man, but it looks like there are two of you. Y/N: Yeah, it’s two of us… My name is Y/N. Jungkook is the other one. Unknown: Ah, I’m Jimin. It’s nice to meet you. Both of you. Jimin: Wait, there’s another boy? That’s…weird. Do you two know each other? Y/N: We’re best friends, actually, since we were kids.

For clarification in this rare, but not unheard of, situation, you were paired together in a group of three because each of you is perfect for another, but you’re all connected. We are aware that you may not identify as homosexual, but this grouping has a very strong connection. Good luck to all of you.

Jimin: That’s heavy. Jungkook: I don’t like boys. Y/N: You’re so closed minded. Jungkook: I’m going home, I need to think.

I looked up at him and he was putting on his shoes, “I’ll see you later, promise. I just need to think”. I smiled slightly and watched him leave then went upstairs, taking my clothes off and climbing in bed.

Jimin: I wouldn’t say I particularly have feelings for boys either. Y/N: That’s not important. Where do you live? Jimin: Seoul, South Korea. Jungkook: Well, this will never work. You’re too far. Y/N: Jungkook! BE NICE. Jimin: Do you two live in America? Y/N: Yes, California. Jimin: Ah, well, good thing I’m moving there then. Jungkook: Ironic. Jimin: I got a job there, and I’ve always wanted to live in America. Y/N: Your English is really good for someone who has never lived here. Jimin: I learned when I was younger, because I knew I’d want to go there someday. Jimin: I wonder who is specifically destined for who. Y/N: Me, too, honestly. It would be interesting to see that.

We received your concern and the specifics are as follows: Jimin to Y/N, Y/N to Jungkook, Jungkook to Jimin. However, the connection is shared between all of you. It just is weighted differently.

Y/N: We should make our own chat, I hate that they’re watching everything we say. Jimin: It was helpful, though. Jungkook: I don’t like boys! Jimin: Good thing I’m a man then. Y/N: Ah, that was smooth. I’ll make a new chat.

I left the chat made by them and just made a normal one with our numbers.

Y/N: Alright, better. Jungkook: So, you love me, huh? Y/N: I don’t see this happening for us. Jungkook: They said you’re fated to me. You don’t seem repulsed by it. Y/N: Why would I be repulsed? You’re not ugly or disgusting. Y/N: A little creepy, I guess. Jungkook: Don’t push it, babe. Jimin: Speaking of ugly, what do you two look like? Jimin: *picture* this is me.

My mouth dropped open and I just stared at the picture in shock. Oh my… Holy shit, this isn’t real, is it? Boys don’t look like that in real life, do they? He’s fucking hot.

Jungkook: Hm. Jimin: What? Jungkook: You’re hot. Jimin: Oh? I thought you didn’t like boys. Jungkook: I might as well adapt to the idea. Jungkook: This is me. *picture* Jimin: Wow, you’re really… Jungkook: Lay it on me, tell me I’m ugly. Jimin: No! No, you’re anything but ugly, Jungkook. Jungkook: Y/N? Jungkook: Did you sneak off to touch yourself to his picture? Y/N: WHAT?! NO! I was just looking. Jimin: At my picture? I’m nothing special. Y/N: *picture* Jungkook: I took that picture! Jimin: You’re so beautiful. I’m jealous that the two of you know each other already. You’re both attractive, I guess good looking people stick together. Jungkook: Our other friend is hot, too. *picture* Jungkook: I guess if I were going to be gay, he’d take the cake. Jungkook: Or I guess eat the cake. 😉 Jimin: That’s so crazy, holy fuck! Y/N: What?? Jimin: *picture* Jimin: I know Taehyung, too! Jungkook: I knew you looked familiar. Tae talks about you sometimes, but he’s only shown me one picture like years ago, I think it was you. Jimin: That’s insane. We could’ve known each other this whole time. Y/N: You two have fun, I’m going to bed. Jimin: Wait, no. Stay a little longer. Y/N: I’m pretty tired… Y/N: When are you coming here? Jimin: Next Friday. Why? Y/N: We can all hang out, Taehyung, too. Jungkook: Telling him about this is going to be crazy. Jimin: I’m excited to see his reaction, I’m sure he’ll be too excited about it. Y/N: Goodnight, boys. Jimin: Please stay. I have questions. Jungkook: Stay, Y/N. He wants to get to know the person he’s supposed to be in love with. Y/N: Shut up, ass hat. Jungkook: Bitch. Y/N: COCK SUCKER! Jungkook: Haha. Jungkook: HAHAHA. Jungkook: I guess you can start calling me that now, huh? Jimin: Oh my… Jungkook: Oh shit, sorry. I guess we should talk about that stuff before I go throwing sex jokes around. Jimin: Are you virgins? Y/N: No, neither of us are. Jimin: Me either. Jungkook: I’m a virgin at sucking dick, though. Jimin: Oh me, too. Y/N: I’m going to be the one struggling with that, not you two. I have two dicks to take care of. Jimin: Ah, that’s a very appealing thought. Jungkook: Right? I can’t say I haven’t thought about that before. Y/N: Gross. You’re gross. Jungkook: Whatever, you weren’t saying that when we made out that one time. Y/N: You have soft lips. Jungkook: You have a soft neck. Jimin: I’m going to change my move-in date to right now. Y/N: 😊 Don’t worry, we’ll have plenty of time for everything in the future. Now, I really am tired, we can play 20 questions later. Jungkook: She’s so worried about her tastes. Jimin: Tastes? Y/N: Not tonight, Jungkook. Jungkook: She likes it rough—really rough. Jimin: Ah. I’ll have to work on that. Jungkook: Not into it? Jimin: I’ve always wanted to be rougher, but the girls I’ve been with have been so small and fragile and I don’t know, they liked gentle and sweet. Jungkook: Ah, you like small girls? Jimin: Short, yes. I’m short, so it helps when they are, too. But god I would kill for a girl with…substance? Jungkook: Ass and titties? Jimin: That’s one way of putting it. Jungkook: *picture* like these? Y/N: JEON JUNGKOOK! WHY WOULD YOU EVER DO THAT?! Jungkook: *picture* or this? Y/N: STOP IT! THAT’S SO WEIRD! WHY DO YOU HAVE PICTURES OF MY ASS ON YOUR PHONE? Jungkook: Because I don’t have a girlfriend? Duh. Y/N: Ew, I could’ve gone my entire life without knowing that. Jimin: Goodnight, guys. Y/N: You can’t just leave after he sent those!!! Jungkook: Let the man get off in peace. Jimin: Yah, sorry. Definitely have something to take care of now.

I plugged my phone in and threw it on the floor, pulling my blankets over my head. DROWN ME. That’s so embarrassing!

I’m uploading so much today oops. I just want to get all of these on here so I know where I’m at lol. Also the chapters will be longer, I swear. <3

-Churro