#“new jersey?��� me sweating profusely because i have to admit i had this jersey for a while now in front of his face oh god oh FUCK

[ratatatastic]

or alternatively dweeb meets other dweeb more news at 11

LIGHT. LIGHT IN HIS EYES. LOOK AT EM BIG OLE EYES. LOOK AT HIM TOUCH HIS JERSEY.

GLORY BE TO THE MIKKSY SIGNED JERSEY RAAAAAAAAA

CanesWear Signing | 7.1.24

[honeyedquiet]

clueless

a small psa: im really bad at titles. 

anyways, this is an imagine i wrote for my friend when she was sad so i figured i’d post it here as well. that being said, it has a name and not y/n because it was for her but feel free to read it however you’d like!

word count: 3.5k

warnings: not much, maybe a curse word here or there? possibly bad plot line, and a few typos

clueless- james potter

When James usually expressed how clueless he was, it was not entirely true. In transfiguration, when Professor McGonnagall went over a bout of hard-to-follow information and he said he had no idea what was happening, he usually had a slight idea, but just didn’t know if the idea was necessarily correct. When Filch, the greasy Hogwarts caretaker who always seemed to be on his and his friends’ asses, asked him who set off dungbombs near the Slytherin common room entrance and James told him of his innocence and cluelessness, he was far from being truthful. When Snivellous angrily asked James earlier that week where he had hidden all of his underwear, James confessed profusely that he did not know where his underwear went-- for the record, he didn’t; he merely stole the underwear while Sirius hid them. But, when he said he didn’t know how to handle the certain predicament that he was in currently, he truly meant it. 

When James first realized he was in love with his best friend, Sirius’, sister, Diana, he tried to simply ignore the feelings. It was easy to do at first; she was a year below them and Sirius wasn’t necessarily keen on spending all of his free time with his younger sister when all of his friends were performing pranks, sneaking out of school, and torturing that poor, greasy Snivellous. James, at first, feared that this method of bottling and stuffing his emotions deep, deep down into the pit of his stomach would not work, but it seemed luck was on James’ side for once in his life. Diana obtained the opportunity to travel abroad, to Beaubaxtions, which was in France-- which was far, far away from James-- and prayed to the Gods that all hope of keeping his friendship intact with Sirius was not lost. Of course he was saddened and upset by the news-- he even cried about it when he heard, although he would never admit it to anyone no matter how many times Remus brought up him crying alone in the boys bathroom one night in attempts to talk about it-- but he knew it would most likely be for the best. Sirius never took kindly to those who fancied Diana; he was rather protective and would threaten the people that Diana showed romantic interest in-- without her knowledge, that is. So, he knew that Sirius would most definitely not take kindly to his best mate taking up a fancy for his younger sister. 

The time that Diana spent away allowed a period of time for James to attempt to “heal”. He tried to forget just how much Diana’s smile light up even the darkest of rooms, how her laugh was so contagious he didn’t believe it was possible for anyone to remain frowning if she was laughing, how her voice was commanding and soft at the same time, how her eyes lit up when she was talking about something she was passionate in, how gorgeous she looked that one day where he, Remus, Sirius, and Peter went down to a lake near Sirius’ house and Diana tagged along-- she was wearing a gorgeous blue bathing suit that complemented her glowing skin perfectly-- In other words, he just tried to forget her. He knew it would be best for him, being as Sirius wouldn’t have a reason to kill him, and for their friendship, since friends technically don’t attempt to kill other friends. 

He tried, he so desperately tried to look for someone else to pour his fancies into and occupy his late night thoughts, but he couldn’t find anyone that matched Diana. 

Although he was having trouble finding a “replacement” for Diana, his technique of bottling and storing his emotions had worked fairly well; they only came out in longing thoughts as he lay awake in the Gryffindor common room, staring at the dormitory ceiling. 

All of his progress, if you could call it that, vanished the moment she came back. It was the summer leading into his and Sirius’ seventh year, Diana’s six and she was coming back, finally, from France to return to Hogwarts. 

Sirius, Remus, James, and Peter all were on the blank spot of grass in the Potter residence’s gardens, their brooms scattered about the neatly trimmed, flowering bushes. James was laying on his back beneath an old oak tree, his black hair plastered slightly to his forehead with sweat, a slightly frustrated look on his face, his chest moving up and down with remnants of heavy breathing beneath a black tee shirt, and, in his hand, resided a golden snitch that wriggled to get free of it’s captor’s palm. Sirius was hovering a few feet above the ground, his broom beneath him, with a quaffle in his arms and a stupid smirk on his lips. Like James, he was also breathing heavily. Remus was above James in the oak tree, serenely lounging along a sturdy enough branch. A book was in his hands and his eyes moved rather quickly across the pages and his eyebrows were furrowed in slight curiosity and confusion. Peter leaned his back against the tree, his plump red face adorned with sweat and an eager smile. He looked between Sirius, Remus, and James excitedly, awaiting Remus’ verdict on what caused Sirius’ confident smirk and James’ frustrated composure. 

Remus sighed and closed the quidditch rule book, shaking his head before speaking. “Sorry mate,” Remus started, a light hint of his own smirk as he regarded the confident Sirius. “James was completely in bounds. There’s nothing in the rule book that says he can’t distract you.” He finished. 

Sirius huffed in his usual “this is stupid, everyone here knows i’m right.” way as he descended to the ground beside James. “Don’t think that because you beat me you’re a better player than me,” Sirius pouted, of course just playing-- everyone knew James was the best player out of all of them and had beaten them all multiple times in two versus two to prove it. “I think you just pulled a blinder,” He huffed. 

James rolled his eyes, a smirk just breaking through his feigned frustrated composure before he shook his head. “Not a blinder, just skill-- Which none of you, but my good ol’ chum Remus here, seem to have.” He gloated, letting the snitch free and fly a few feet in front of him before he sat up, caught it, and laid back down against the grass. 

“Oi! I’ll have you bloody know that your mum was saying different last night when-” Sirius was cut off by the door opening to the garden and his life flashed before his eyes; he didn’t dare to turn around, fearing Mrs. Potter had heard him. 

However, it was not Mrs. Potter. The appearance of Mrs. Potter in the doorway wouldn’t have made James’ heart stop mid-beat with his mouth slightly agape. The appearance of Mrs. Potter in the doorway would not have made his hands clammy and resting knees weak as his mind began to race. And Mrs. Potter most certainly wouldn’t have caused such destruction on the glass jar that resided deep within him that housed the longing, perhaps dangerous, thoughts of Sirius’ sister. The appearance of Diana, however, most certainly would. 

And it did. 

It was like everything and nothing changed about her at the same time. She was still the same girl he knew since the end of first year and the same girl that he had seen off with Sirius on a train to France exactly a year ago-- but she was still different. The way she carried herself was more confident and airy, however even in the split second he saw her, he could recognize her ability to knock into anything within a mile radius. She seemed more refined and collected. Elegant and angelic. Ethereal. Thoughts raced his mind, going a mile a second as he tried to contain the cracking jar within his mind. 

He felt like he was on auto-pilot mode as he greeted her, an appropriately wide smile on his lips, however he knew he jumped up too quickly and hugged her just a little too tightly. He asked her questions a little too excitedly, looked at her a little too long. 

That night, he debated on writing his will. 

He had it bad; he knew he did. Remus now knew he did as well, being as he forced it out of him just a day after Diana arrived and with every day longer that she was with them, the more the jar broke. He tried his best to play it cool around her, to simply act how a brother’s best friend should act. He tried, he truly did. He also truly felt guilty when he failed. 

The more days that passed, the harder it got for James to act in a way that wouldn’t tip Sirius off to even a hint of James fancying Diana. Part of him hoped to be as far away from Daina as possible, so he would not make a stupid mistake of getting caught admiring her, while another part of him wished to be alone with Diana: to kiss her plump lips, to hold her cheeks in his hand, to moved his skilled fingers across the buttons of her shirt while he held her against-- 

“James! Did you not hear anything that I just said?” Sirius grumbled as he stood from the couch they were currently sitting on. 

“Sorry, not really. I think I’m getting a bit of a headache.” 

Remus made a face and James sent him a harsh glare. He didn’t need Remus fucking this up. 

“I said that I’m going to go to Diagon Ally with Remus and leave you with the she-devil until we come back with her new stupid jersey,” Sirius huffed and Diana laughed from her spot on the couch. 

Just hours prior, Sirius and Remus lost a game of Wizards Chess to Diana and were then obligated to get her new quidditch jerseys as a winning prize. 

“Make sure she doesn’t tear up the place so mum isn’t mad at me. We all know how dogs can get,” Sirius’ laughter was broken by Diana getting up with an exclamation of distaste at Sirius calling her a dog. 

James wished he would have taken a portrait of how scared Sirius looked at his sister before pulling Remus into the fire pit and using the floo powder to escape her wrath. 

Now, the thoughtless side of James had gotten it’s wish. He and Diana were alone, only separated by a coffee table between them. 

Over the next few hours, things were going fine. He had busted out some of his Firewhiskey to “add a little fun into the mix,” but it was mostly to calm his nerves. He didn’t know what he was to do. Should he ignore her or go to his room? Or should he do exactly what the thoughtless, careless side of him wanted him to do and indulge in his fantasies that he stayed up many nights forming. 

The firewhiskey seemed to make that decision on its own once they both had a few drinks. They weren’t drunk or impaired, so to say, merely tipsy and very, very close now. James just realized how close they were exactly. 

Diana was rambling about something to do with Beauxbatons, he didn’t exactly know what being as all of his focus was split into two things: her lips, and resisting the urge to place his lips on hers. Something else caught his focus and the three way split was too much for his jaded brain to handle so he lost grip on his control. As a consequence, his hands came up and cupped her cheeks, placing his lips on hers. 

He had felt extremely guilty about kissing Diana that night, although not because she didn’t like it, he knew she liked it very much, but because he betrayed Sirius. Though the guilt subsided more and more with each time that found a spot to indulge in each other. They took a chance of any privacy they could get: midnight rendezvous, sweet early morning kisses, “quidditch lessons”, anything being as Sirius staying with James now left little moments of privacy to them where they had not feared of the tall, black-haired boy that they both adored to dearly walking in on them. 

Now, being at Hogwarts, things regarding moments alone with Diana were easier and more difficult at the same time. It was easier to sneak away from Sirius under the guise of extra lessons, hanging out with another friend, extra studying, but yet it was harder because he also had to make sure he had the Marauder's map with him. They were officially dating now, and had been for a few months, but had chosen to keep it secret until they could find the right time to notify Sirius that his best friend was now dating his sister. 

The predicament in question was brought along by a rush of passion, and carelessness. Diana had been teasing James all day relentlessly, sending him notes of what exactly she would like for him to do to her in the midst of class, mumbling in his ear in Potions as he tried to follow the directions that were scrawled on the board, putting her hand on his thigh during lunch, sitting on his lap in the deserted library during their shared break. All of this led to James ending the day with a large and very uncomfortable hard-on, which seemed to impair his judgement. He had rushed off after quidditch practice to go find the very girl that caused his problem, but had failed to check if he had the map. 

James was able to sneak Diana into the common room and to the boys dormitory, being as girls can enter the boys yet not vice versa, and was pushing her against the wall in an instant. Lips, teeth, and tongues were all gnashing together passionately and needingly as he fumbled his way to the bed, Diana locked in his arms. He was on top of her the moment she hit the soft padding of the mattress, his fingers fumbling with the buttons on her shirt while hers were doing the same to his shirt. It was not long until they both were naked except for Diana’s panties and James’ boxers. James kissed down Daina’s body, admiring it and savoring it with each kiss before he reached the hem of her underwear. Without a second thought, his hand moved beneath it and tugged it down her legs, throwing it to the side of the bed before kissing up the insides of her thighs, nearing the crux where he knew she wanted him to be so desperately. His fingers worked small circles against her clit as he nipped teasingly against the soft skin of her thighs. His mouth slowly drew nearer to her slit and he slowly- 

The door opened quickly and James almost threw himself back, nearly tumbling off the bed, and scrambled to grab hold of the blanket to cover Diana up. He straightened his glasses that had fallen in the scramble to see who was in front of him and his heart dropped. 

Sirius. An angry, heaving Sirius, mind you. 

This is exactly the predicament in question that he had no idea how to handle. ‘How do you explain to your best mate that you’re in love with his sister after he found you buried between her legs? Well, i’ll definitely find out tonight,’ he thought. 

Sirius was angry, his eyes not looking at Diana as she didn’t dare to move from James’ bed, but they were rather fixed on James. Sirius drew nearer to James and he expected the punch before Sirius even drew back his fist. Just because he expected it, however, does not mean that it didn’t necessarily hurt which damn, it did. James stumbled back, holding his jaw, although he didn’t fight back. He knew he deserved it. He only fought back when Sirius took his wand out and James disarmed him, knowing that the last thing either of them wanted was McGonagall coming up, seeing them hurling spells at each other, James half naked, while Diana Black, a Hufflepuff, lay in James’ bed, completely naked. It would be too many detentions than what it was worth. 

It took awhile for Sirius to calm down enough to stop squirming against the body-binding spell that Remus had to put on him. By this time, Diana was dressed and sitting on the edge of James’ bed, her fingers fumbling together anxiously as James rambled off apologies. Remus released Sirius from the spell but kept his wand away from him and a hand on his shoulder. 

“What the bloody hell, James! You’re my best mate! You shouldn’t be shagging my sister,” Sirius yelled and James felt the same pit of guilt in his stomach as he had that first night him and Diana kissed. 

“Look mate, i’m sorry, I am but-” 

“There’s a but to this? You think I'm going to let you keep shagging my sister?” Sirius yelled in disgust. 

“No! Well-” 

“You have a lot of fucking nerve, Potter. Seriously, my sister!” Sirius outraged. 

“It’s not nerve, I’m trying to explain-” 

“I’m not asking you to explain, i’m asking you to stop shagging my sister and-” 

“I’m not Shagging your sister, it’s-” 

“What do you call being-” Sirius almost couldn’t get the words out over a gag, “literally buried between my sister’s legs?” 

“I’m not saying that I wasn’t shagging her but-” 

“So you were shagging her, this is ridiculous, i-” 

This time, it wasn’t James retorting to continue the bickering, it was Diana finally speaking. 

“For the love of Merlin, just stop! Sirius, I love you, but you can’t act like I'm yours to keep safe and take charge of. James and I weren’t just shagging,” She started and James felt nauseous. Diana took a gulp, looking at her brother’s angry face. “We aren’t just fucking. We’re dating.” She finished and the room fell silent. Even Remus was shocked. 

“You two are dating?” Sirius asked, now completely breathless by the news. 

James so greatly wanted to turn away and say no, to turn back the last hour or so and just take care of his boner himself instead of greedily and carelessly meeting with Diana unplanned. “Yes,” James finally spoke and he thought Sirius was going to pass out at once. We have been for a few months. We just didn’t want to tell you because,” He motioned to his now bruising cheek, “ We knew that you wouldn’t necessarily take it the best.” He reasoned, trying to rid his voice of anything that would cause Sirius to throw a fit again. “I’m sorry you walked in on us, it was careless on my part. But I promise I’m not just fucking her. I wouldn’t disrespect you nor her like that,” He said truthfully and Sirius, although still red in the face, was now listening. “It’s not just a short fling either,” James looked from Sirius to Diana and back to Sirius. He gulped slightly, knowing that the only way that he could make Sirius truly believe that he wasn’t just using his sister was to tell him something that he hadn’t even told Diana yet, although he knew it before the relationship. 

“I love her.” He finally said and he saw Sirius deflate for a moment before sitting back up. He stayed quiet for a while and so did everyone else in the room. “You love my sister.” Sirius finally said, as if confirming it and James nodded, his eyes trained on Sirius. He didn’t want to see whether Diana was disgusted or accepting of his feelings. “I do, I really do. You know I won’t hurt her,” Those seemed to be the right words to say, being as Sirius gave a soft nod. 

“Alright,” Sirius mumbled, scratching the back of his neck. “I guess I can’t do anything about it, either then right?” He asked, as if he was hoping for one of them to say that there was a phrase he could say to undo the feelings that they both clearly had for each other. 

“No, nothing,” Diana spoke up and James finally looked at her. Relief welled in his chest when he saw the bright grin on Diana’s face, telling him that she returned his feelings. 

It was a long while and after an equally long talk that Sirius finally stood, not fully accepting of the relationship but he wasn’t mad at either of them. They had talked things through, mended the slight crack in the resilient friendship between James and Sirius, and repaired the slight crack in the wall left from Sirius pushing James into it before James finally walked Diana out of the common room and back in front of the Hufflepuff entrance. 

He was about to bid her an exhausted goodnight before he was caught off guard by Diana’s kiss to his lips.  

“I love you too,” 

[chimmycharmed]

nevermind (one-shot)

Title: NEVERMIND (alt:  I love you, hyung) Words: 5,619 Ships: Yoonmin, slight Yoonjin, implied Vmin. Synopsis: Jimin thought love meant staying, so when Yoongi left he thought love meant coming back. But love is more complicated than that.  Genre: Rapper!Suga x ContemporaryDancer!Jimin, exes au, angst, implied smut. Warnings: Heartbreak, cheating, abandonment. Author’s note: Listen to Mean It (stripped) - Lauv ft. LANY while reading.

PART I: I DON’T MIND 

Love never meant staying. Park Jimin never knew what that meant until he met Min Yoongi.  

It was summer at the time. He was a contemporary dancer that was just dragged by his best friend to an underground rap scene because he was a fan of it, Jimin on the other hand, couldn’t care less.

 “Taehyung-ah, you really go to these events?” A whine Taehyung knows all too well.

 “Events.” Taehyung scoffed, dragging Jimin by the arm in the middle of the crowd so they have a perfect view of the next challenger. “It’s a rap battle, Jimin-ah. It’s not that formal, aish.”

 Jimin never understood his best friend’s fascination with rap and hip-hop. For one, Taehyung was a classical musician. He plays Bach and Beethoven on the violin, piano, and sax. That’s even how they met, he was part of the orchestra to one of his ballet pieces.

 They found themselves near the front row, the MC known to the fans as RM called the next challenger and that was the first time he saw him. 

 Bleached blonde, pale but not sick, sporting a smug look on his face. He looked like he could walk the talk judging by the way he dressed: shirt, jersey, a snapback, and a couple of piercings on both ears.

 “Ayo Suga!” RM exclaimed as the rapper made his way to the stage. “What’s your motivation for challenging j-hope today?”

 “We have a score to settle.” For a small guy, he was intimidating Jimin thought. J-hope on the other hand just laughed at his contender. Not the kind of laugh where he thought this Suga guy was pathetic. Just laughed like he was making a joke. He seemed like the guy to laugh at everything.

 “Okay, and the rap battle begins in 1... 2... 3!” The MC started the countdown.

 It was j-hope’s turn first, he rapped like he was mocking his competition. “Ya, j-hope’s really good at this type of rap, and his flow change? Don’t get me started.” Taehyung explained with his boxy smile, his eyes glued to the stage.

Then it was his turn. Suga rapped so many syllables so fast Jimin really stood there shocked. It’s as if he gave j-hope no time to rebut, he ended him right then and there. Everyone could feel the tension, j-hope was walking towards Suga looking pissed off.

“Wait, are they going to fight?” Jimin was both scared and concerned. He was just looking at Suga. Tae just had a smug look on his face, and then Jimin saw why. RM looked like he was stopping j-hope from going too close to Suga but instead, he too rapped. The two competitors began laughing, and it dawned on him: it was just a ploy.

 All three rappers were now facing each other in a circle, spitting fire, and Jimin didn’t realize it now, nor will he admit in the future: they were good, scratch that, they were amazing. “Ddaeng! I fucking love this track so much!” Taehyung squealed like the fanboy he is.

 “Wait, so they were just playing the audience?” Jimin asked, confused.

 “Dude literally everyone here except you knows they’re the best of friends. The best rapline in Seoul if not in South Korea.” Taehyung explained, suddenly dragging Jimin by the arm to take him to the side of the stage. “Come on, I’m introducing you to them.”

 “You know them?” As much as Jimin was surprised, he immediately shut up when he was face to face with the trio.

 “Hyungs! I want you to meet my best friend and soulmate, Jimin.” Jimin rolled his eyes mentally, he always asked Taehyung not to call him soulmate in front of new people because it more often than not gives the wrong impression.

 “Hi! I’m Namjoon.” RM said, Jimin was surprised on how formal he got all of a sudden, was this the same rapper on stage a while ago? He extended his hand and he shook it.

 “I’m your hope, but you already knew that by now.” J-hope smiled. “I’m Hoseok.” It was his turn to shake Jimin’s hands.

 “What’s the use of having a stage name when we just give out our real ones?” Suga whined from the side. “Well, I’m Yoongi. I guess.” He still looked so cool while shaking his hand. They all did, Jimin thought but Yoongi... There's just something about his presence.

 “Nice to meet all of you, hyungs.” Jimin even did a slight bow as a sign of respect which made Yoongi smile.

 “Are you staying for drinks, Taehyung-ah?” Yoongi asked.

 Namjoon and Hoseok looked at each other in surprise, Jimin didn’t know what that meant. “Hyung, you know I don’t drink.” Taehyung laughed. “But Jimin is quite the drinker so he can drink for the both of us.”

 “Ya, Taehyung.” Jimin scolded.

 “What? Let’s stay a bit longer. You don’t have any practice tomorrow right?” Tae pleaded to his soulmate. Jimin knows he couldn't say no to that.

 “Yea, stay a bit longer.” Jimin felt Yoongi’s gaze on him, it felt alluring, it felt right.

 “Okay.” How could he possibly say no now?

 There was a bar area in the scene, Namjoon, Hoseok and Tae were looking for a table while Jimin was with Yoongi since he asked to accompany him in getting drinks.

 “You drink soju?” Jimin nodded to answer. “I’ll order 5 but between you and me, I think they’ll just share one bottle.” Yoongi laughed as he gave Jimin 2 bottles then proceeded to carry the other 3 on his own. 

 “Why is that?” Jimin raised a brow.

 “The 94 liners aren’t that much of a drinker.” Yoongi answered. “How old are you?”

 “I’m a 95 liner, like Tae.”

 “Ah, your soulmate.” Yoongi nodded, sounding dry.

 “It’s not like that, we’re just eternal platonic friends,” Jimin explained getting flustered not knowing why. “It’s an inside joke.”

 “So you’re available then?” Yoongi cocked his brow.

 “Huh?” Jimin was surprised by his straightforwardness. But he couldn’t continue to answer as they made their way to their table.

 “So Jimin, what do you do?” Namjoon asked, now fixing the table for the bottles to be placed.

 “Oh, I’m a contemporary dancer.” Jimin said, sitting beside Tae while Yoongi sat beside Hoseok.

 “Okay, Namjoon pay up. I told you he was a fancy dude like this one.” Hoseok nudged Tae, teasing.

 “Okay, I thought you were an underground street dancer.” Namjoon reached for a bill and gave it to Hoseok.

 “How come?” Jimin was surprised at the observation.

 Yoongi replied instead, “You stand like a dancer, we just didn’t know what kind.”

 “I told Namjoon that if you were an underground street dancer I would’ve heard of you by now.”

 “Unless you’re not good.” Yoongi scoffed. “But I don’t think that’s possible.” Did he just wink at me? Jimin thought.

 The night went on filled with shots and laughter. Yoongi was right, they ended up drinking 2 bottles each because Namjoon and Hoseok tapped out early. Tae had to go home earlier because he forgot he was going to an art gallery out of town the next day. Jimin insisted on staying, he was having so much fun.

 Jimin never liked going home, it just wasn’t a place he’d like to stay. He was always at practice or out on a bar trying to have fun with his friends. This wasn’t like the regular stuck up dancer crowd he’s used too. They were fun. They were unpredictable, it made him loosen up. That must be the reason he stayed tonight. It was that.

 Or the fact that Yoongi’s hand suddenly rested on his knees after sitting beside him after Tae left. Good thing he was intoxicated, he could use that as an excuse for blushing profusely.

 “Shall we call it a night?” Namjoon asked his hyung. Jimin found out quickly that he was the leader of the trio despite not being the eldest, during their stories over drinks.

 “Let’s.” Yoongi said, standing up. “I’ll drop Jimin at his place.”

 Everyone in the table knew where this was headed, if Tae was here he would’ve known it too. Jimin had his fair share of one night stands. He was a looker after all. He knew the drill. The guy will offer to give him a ride home, he’ll ask if he wants a drink. They go up to his place and things happen.

 And that’s what exactly happened with him and Yoongi. Except that, it wasn’t just all physical sex. They shared laughs while figuring out who’s bottoming, and Jimin knew Yoongi wanted to top, so he let him.

 He was good at it, Jimin never knew he could cum that hard. Twice for that matter. The first by Jimin discovering what tongue technology actually meant and the other by him topping.

 After that Jimin knew that the guy will probably say goodbye and will never show up again. But Yoongi was the exact opposite. He asked if he could stay the night. And in the morning, Jimin woke up to him cooking breakfast.

 “You’re still here?” It was more of a question than a statement.

 “I was thinking you’re hungry.” Yoongi smiled, putting the eggs on Jimin’s plate. “Do you think I’d just leave like that?”

 “Yes.” Jimin answered quite honestly.

 “If I just left, it would be awkward wanting to see you again would it?” Yoongi said, sitting beside Jimin. “Unless I overstepped and you don’t want to see me anymore?”

 “I never had a fuck buddy before.” Jimin’s innocence made Yoongi chuckle, he forgot he was younger than him after all.

 “Then I guess I’ll have to date you then.” He flashed his teeth towards the younger lad. “Is that okay?”

 A smile crept on Jimin’s face. “I don’t mind.”

PART II: CHANGE YOUR MIND

 Jimin never meant to find a home in Min Yoongi, but when autumn came he found himself moving Yoongi’s stuff in his place. Not everything, but small things: his toothbrush, his favorite pair of sweats, his noise-canceling headphones.

 Small things that meant Yoongi will stay in his life. Things were going well. Whenever Jimin had a performance, Yoongi always bought him roses. After practice, Jimin always went to Yoongi’s underground performances even without Taehyung.

 Sex was great, but their companionship grew stronger. This must be what home felt like. This must be what love means. 

 “Are you sure about this?” Yoongi asked Jimin who was sitting on a chair of a tattoo parlor. He looked nervous but sure.

 “I really like your song, and I want it tattooed on me as a birthday gift to myself.” Jimin had a wide smile on his face.

 “You like me too, why not have a tattoo of my name?” Yoongi joked.

 “Only if you tattoo mine on you.” Jimin teased.

 “I’m good with piercings, tattoos aren't just for me Jiminie. You already talked me into dying my hair this shade of green.” Yoongi will never let Jimin down for it, but Jimin thought mint suited him well.

 “You’re just chicken, hyung.” Jimin rolled his eyes to which Yoongi snickered.

 “Ya, you’re disrespecting your hyung now eh.”

 “No. I love you, hyung.”

 It was an unconventional first ‘I love you’ from Jimin, he never expected it to be in a tattoo shop waiting for his turn. But Yoongi was there. And he just needed to say it. And he thought he needed to hear it by now. And that was all that mattered.

 “I love you too, Jiminie.” He said before kissing him fully on the lips.

 “Ehem.” The tattoo artist finally arrived with the needle and ink, if Yoongi remembered it correctly his name was Jungkook – the youngest tattoo artist in the area that got acclaim in some TV show.

 “Sorry.” Jimin was embarrassed, but Yoongi sat beside him.

 “Let’s start?” Jungkook received a nod from a shaking Jimin.

 “Hyung, hold my hand?” Yoongi entwined his fingers with Jimin’s. And he didn’t let go until it was done.

 Just like that, Yoongi’s song was a permanent fixture on Jimin’s body and life. They went home that night happy. 

 “Aish, Jimin stay still so I can put on some ointment.” Yoongi holding up a shirtless Jimin in bed. He acts his age sometimes.

 “It’s so itchy.” He whined.

 “Well, that’s part of the healing process. You wanted this right?” Yoongi smirked.

 “You’re so mean to me, hyung!” Jimin was silenced by a more passionate kiss compared to the one in the tattoo shop.

 “If I could kiss it better, I would.” Yoongi rested his forehead on Jimin’s.

“Just kiss me instead.”

 That night, they made love while reminding each other how much they meant to each other. Jimin knew that he could live like this his whole life.

 But winter came one year, and Yoongi left. Like he disappeared into thin air. Jimin was just coming home from practice. Yoongi wasn’t texting. Jimin was calling and he couldn’t reach him. He came home and Yoongi wasn’t there. But everything he owns was still in place. 

 Little reminders that Yoongi stayed, little reminders that Yoongi left.

 Jimin went to Yoongi’s apartment, and his landlady doesn’t know where he is. He went to the underground rap bar where they first met, Hoseok was just shocked. They too couldn’t contact him.

 Jimin was going to have a panic attack, he knew that. He couldn’t just leave, he can’t. They loved each other. Right? Namjoon pulled Jimin to talk to him at the parking lot.

 “Jimin.” Jimin was already crying, panicking. Namjoon had to put his arms on his shoulders to calm him down and have him stay still. “It’s Jin-hyung.”

This was the exact time you could hear Jimin’s heart shatter into pieces. Namjoon didn’t need to say anything else. He knew who Jin was to Yoongi.

He was the first person Yoongi gave his heart to. Yoongi was never clear why they broke up, but Jimin knew that there was a hole in Yoongi’s heart when Jin left, and now his looked the same with Yoongi gone.

 Jimin went home that night breaking down to an empty bed filled with Yoongi’s stuff. In the next few weeks, Jimin couldn’t eat, he couldn’t get up, he couldn’t go to practice, let alone perform.

Taehyung had to physically manhandle him to take one bath after a week.

“Taehyung-ah, what did I do wrong?” Jimin sulked in the bathtub while Tae just sat on the toilet seat cover, hurting for his friend.

“Jimin, you didn’t do anything.” He tried to comfort him, his heart was just as hurt as his soulmate.

“Then why am I the one left alone?” He cried again, Tae just hugged him. Tight.

After a few months, Jimin got back to work. But he was downgraded to a backup dancer again, he knew it was coming after not showing up for months. He should be thankful the company gave him another chance.

Months went on like he did before meeting Yoongi. He went to work, he went shopping with Taehyung, he went home, and repeat. Yoongi’s stuff was placed in a drawer he never dared to look into again.

 Then Jimin’s birthday came, and Taehyung threw him a small party with his dance troop. Taehyung wanted to rid Jimin of memories of Yoongi, it was his birthday after all. It was all about him. Tae wanted Jimin to stay at his place so he won’t be alone, but Jimin wanted to go home to his apartment.

 He was tipsy and tired, until he found Yoongi sitting in the middle of his living room. His hair now dyed black.

 “Hi.” He said, softly already looking apologetic. “Happy birthday.”

 Jimin’s mind must be playing tricks on him. Memories played back in his head. The first birthday spent with him, getting a tattoo of his song. The next birthday where Yoongi cooked for him and threw him a party, the third one where they took a trip to Busan.

 This was supposed to be his first birthday without him, but here he was on the living room sofa looking like the love of his life. “I’m sorry.” Yoongi began to tear up. “I need to explain a lot to you, I know. And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

 Jimin walked towards him and Yoongi was prepared for the worse, for a good hearing, for a fist on his cheek, but Jimin’s arms were suddenly wrapped around his neck, his face buried in his chest. “You’re here. You’re real.”

 “Jimin, I’m sorry.” Yoongi finally broke down, and Jimin did too.

 “If I forgive you, will you promise not to leave me again?” Jimin was shaking as Yoongi pulled back to look at him in the eye.

 “I won’t make the same mistake.” And Jimin felt his lips on his once more.

 He thought about the last time they kissed and how he was so devastated that it didn’t last longer. But Yoongi came back, and he knew the feelings never really went away. It was just buried beneath all the effort to make him seem okay again.

 That night they made love for the first time in a long time and Jimin didn’t want to fall asleep until Yoongi reassured him that he wasn’t going anywhere. He woke up with Yoongi making breakfast for him again. Like he never left.

 “We need to talk.” Jimin said as he sat down at the dining table, he was happy he came back but that meant he left the first place.

 “We do.” Yoongi sighed, placing some fried eggs on Jimin's plate like he did the first time they spent the night together.

 And so the tale began, on how one night Jin came back and asked for another chance and how Yoongi wasn’t sure all of a sudden what to do. How Jin asked him to let him prove it to him, how he asked Yoongi to come with him to Busan for a film fest he was a part of since he was an actor, how they stayed there for a while to see how things go.

 How Yoongi realized he couldn’t do this to Jimin, how everywhere he went in Busan reminded him of their trip on Jimin’s birthday. How he only realized that he just missed Jin, but didn’t really love him anymore. Not in the way he loved Jimin. How he called it off and mustered the courage to go back to Jimin, not knowing if he’ll accept him.

 “How do you plan on making it up to me?” Jimin said with his eyes closed, thinking hard.

 “I don’t know, but if I have to make it up to you my whole life I will.” Yoongi placed his hand on top of his, before entwining their fingers together like he did when he comforts him.

 “Did you expect I’ll just be waiting here for you until you came back?”

 “I was hoping you would, but I would understand if you didn’t.” If honesty can be heard, this must be what it sounds like.

 “But I did.” Jimin finally opened his eyes to look at Yoongi, gripping his hand a bit tighter – a signal to return back the comfort he was given. “I don’t know how you’ll make it up to me, but I know that includes not leaving me again.”

 “I love you, Jimin.” Yoongi assured him with a soft voice. “I’m sorry this had to happen for me to realize that. I never stopped loving you.”

 “I love you, hyung.” The gap between their faces was growing smaller and Yoongi looked at Jimin to seemingly asking for a silent permission. When Jimin closed his eyes, he knew the answer.

 They shared a kiss, another first of many kisses since they got back together. Jimin finally thought he could be happy again. But they had a long way to go, not everything fell back to place. Taehyung was frustrated that Jimin just let him back into his life. They had a bit of a falling out, and Jimin didn’t have the energy to work on that, he was already working hard to fix things with Yoongi. 

Jimin suggested they finally move in together, but Yoongi was still hesitant. He was always vocal about wanting to have his own space. Fights about Yoongi leaving him still ensued. There were pockets of happiness during these years but Jimin began to think if these small moments were enough to be defined as happiness. 

He knew he couldn’t control Yoongi, love shouldn’t do that. But he could control what he felt, what he did. He chose to look at their lives in rose-colored glasses. And he decided to take matters into his own hands.

 That meant he bought a ring. Placed it in his drawers he knew Yoongi wouldn’t look into and waited for the right moment. Jimin wasn’t sure of the timing, but he was sure about Yoongi and that was enough. He thought if it was time, he would know.

 But days went on and they both got extremely busy with work but Jimin was fine with that as long as he went home to him. But even when they were together, he felt like Yoongi just wasn’t there. He knew something was wrong, but he chose to trust Yoongi.

 Until one winter, Yoongi came by again with a bag, sporting a serious look on his face. He plopped down on the sofa, sighing. “We need to talk.”

 Jimin knew where this was going, he couldn’t say he was surprised but he just really hoped for the best, he really hoped this wasn’t an option. “Did you change your mind?” He asked.

PART III: OUT OF MIND

 Jimin imagined 2 scenarios of the cause of their impending breakup. First, is that Yoongi found someone else, I mean, that’s what happened the first time right? The second was Jimin himself finding someone else, but knowing how much he loved Yoongi, that was highly unlikely. But here they were, spending a few minutes here during the calm before the storm.

 It was a vague question, Jimin knew that when he asked. However, the fact that Yoongi did not answer and just waited for Jimin to sit beside him, he knew the worst is about to come.

 And so Jimin sat beside him and Yoongi moved slightly to face him. “You didn’t answer, so I guess that means yes.” Jimin continued.

 “Are you still happy?” Yoongi shook his head while asking.

 “You’re not.” This time, it was more of a statement than a question.

 “We haven’t been okay since I came back.” He admitted. “And I think you know that.”

 “Well, maybe you shouldn’t have left in the first place.” Jimin glared, Yoongi looked away uncomfortably. “And now you’re leaving again, huh?”

 “You told me if I forgive you, will you promise to not leave me again?” Yoongi said calmly. “Did you? Forgive me?” He was met with silence. “So, don’t put this all on me.”

 “Are you fucking serious, Min Yoongi?” Jimin spat, his body began to tremble. “You left, without a warning. To try again with your ex. And you expect me to be okay with it?”

 “I don't, but if you’re not okay with it then why accept me back?”

 “Why are you acting like it’s a bad thing that I accepted you back?!” Jimin’s voice began to rise.

 “Jimin, it’s been 4 years and I know you still haven’t forgiven me.” Yoongi pointed out. “I’m doing my best here too, you know. Yes, I left. It was wrong, I hurt you but in these 4 years didn’t I ever make it up to you? Not even for a bit?”

 Jimin couldn’t answer that. He was so stuck in his own hurt that he never thought he was hurting Yoongi. “Yoongi. When you left, all I could think about is what did I do wrong? Why was I not enough? Not even enough for you to say goodbye?” His voice began to shake.

 “That was on me, Jimin.” Yoongi held his hand, but Jimin didn’t want to feel his comfort knowing he was going to leave again. “We’ve been through this narrative time and time again. Aren’t you tired?”

 “Of course I am, but I choose to look at the times when we were happy.” Jimin began to break down in tears. “That kept me going even when I wasn't."

 “You’ve always been the stronger one in this relationship.” A tear began to fall on Yoongi’s cheek. “You’ll be okay.”

 “I wasn’t okay when you left, why do you think I’ll be okay now?” This must be the Anger part in the 5 stages of grief, Jimin thought.

 “Because I’m leaving you so we can both be happy!” Yoongi’s voice rose, trying to talk sense into Jimin. “I don’t want us to end up hating each other. I love you so much-.”

 “THEN WHY ARE YOU LEAVING?”

 “BECAUSE I’M NOT HAPPY!” The screamfest ended as quickly as it began. “Don’t you see how frustrating it is? To love you so much but not feel happy?” Yoongi let go of him to run his finger through his hair in frustration.

 “That doesn’t make sense.” Jimin coughed a laugh, he knew he was fucked – laughing and crying at the same time.

 “I know it doesn’t. But I know it’s selfish for me to stay in a relationship unhappy.” Yoongi looked at Jimin once more, letting him know how genuine he felt. “I know this is selfish too but we tried to make it work right? But nothing happened and it’s been years.”

 Jimin began to speak slowly, carefully choosing the words he was about to say. “How long?” He stated, “How long have you’ve been feeling this way?”

 “I don’t know, but one day I realized I was just dragging myself to see you. How I needed you because I was used to you because I love you.” Yoongi didn’t know if these were the right words to not hurt Jimin, but he knew he would hurt him whatever he’ll say. “You don’t deserve someone who just forces themselves to be with you.”

 “Is Jin back?” Jimin wanted a logical explanation for this. So this must be the reason, right?

 “No.” Yoongi answered straight, and Jimin knew in his heart that it was the truth.

 “You know I always thought that if we were going to break up, it’s because one of us cheated.” Jimin was just throwing his thoughts unfiltered. “I never thought we would end like this.”

 “Then let’s be thankful we didn’t end up like that.” Yoongi tried to suggest.

 “You know the funny thing about this?” Jimin snickered. “It’s the fact that I have an engagement ring tucked in one of my drawers waiting for the right time.”

 “I know about it,” Yoongi admitted slowly to Jimin’s surprise. “I was looking for my hoodie one time, and I saw it.”

 “When did you see it?” Jimin didn’t know whether he wanted to know the answer.

 “Last month.” Yoongi breathed.

 “So.” Jimin was crying again. “You really thought this through.” He was breaking up knowing that Jimin was planning on proposing.

 “I did.” Yoongi broke down this time. “I’m sorry, Jimin. But I can’t be the one you need. I can only love you, but I think we both know that’s not enough.”

 “You have to choose me to. But you chose yourself.”

 “Then choose yourself too,” Yoongi suggested. “You’ve worked so hard on us, it’s time we think of ourselves.”

 Jimin wanted to stop him. He really did.

 He thought about all the times they were together. All the rap scenes he went to support Yoongi, all the recitals Yoongi gave him flowers, all the times they explored different hair dyes - the orange one, the pink, the grey.

 All the meals Yoongi cooked for him, all the music equipment he bought to surprise Yoongi, all the arguments about him leaving or them not having enough time for each other.

 That one argument when Jimin blamed Yoongi for him being downgraded to a backup dancer again because he skipped practice due to his depression when he left.

 All the birthdays they spent, especially the one where Yoongi came back. How could Jimin forget that?

 How could Jimin forget Yoongi in general?

 The way he never wanted anyone else to know he cared, but he really did. The way he would take care of him when he was sick. The way he would scold him if he practiced too hard to the point of exhaustion.

 The way he shared his secret love for piano, a secret Jimin was proud that only he knew. The way Jimin shared his abandonment issues with his family and how relieved he was that Yoongi was his home now.

 The way his hand engulfed his. The way he would slightly open his mouth when they kiss so his tongue can enter. The way he would feel above or beneath him. The way he would feel content whenever he says I love you.

 He wanted to ask Yoongi if he thought of all of these?

 What he was saying goodbye to? 

 Their past? 7 years of being together. Jimin literally grew up with him.

 Their future? What about the plans of Jimin singing for one of his tracks because Yoongi discovered he had a talent for it too? And he just loved his voice. 

Jimin wanted to ask all of these. But he realized like Yoongi, he was also tired.

 The only thing that escaped from Jimin’s lips was. “Okay.”

 Besides, he knew he couldn’t handle Yoongi’s answer. May it be a yes or a no. At least this time, he has the guts to say goodbye. What a morbid consolation prize, right?

 “You know what sucks?” Jimin continued. “I still believe you when you tell me you love me.”

 “Because I do.” Yoongi had a slight smile. “I really do.”

 “I do too.” A vow without rings, a truth without commitments. “I love you, and I have done everything to make this work except for letting you go. So this is me, letting you go.”

 “I’m really sorry. I wish I could be more for you but I can’t right now.” Yoongi pulled Jimin to hold him tight. “Maybe in the future, when we’re both okay...” Yoongi’s mind began to wander but Jimin pulled him back to the present.

 “Maybe. But you’re right. Right now we have to be okay on our own. This is why we’re breaking up, right?”

 “I love you, Jimin.” Yoongi was proud that Jimin understood him, but still devastated that it had to come to this.

 “I love you, hyung.” Jimin repeated throughout the night, unknowingly making it a keepsake for Yoongi even if they’re not together anymore.

 They shared their last kiss, their last moments in bed. Yoongi packed the remainder of his belongings in his bag, and they hugged until it was time for Yoongi to leave. Out of sight, out of mind, Jimin thought.

EPILOGUE

 Love never meant staying, that was what his mom always explained ever since his dad left them to work abroad and never came back. His mom always assured him that his dad loved him dearly, that he worked hard for Jimin to go to university. 

 He never understood how people who leave can still love. He never understood why, until the day Yoongi went away.

 He also realized he can’t find a home in a person, so he will build his own.

 Jimin didn’t know what was harder, being left the first time or the second time. But all he knew was he needed to be better. He owed that to himself. He strived harder until he got the lead dancer position again.

 He rekindled with Taehyung and it was as if nothing happened, maybe that’s what soulmates are supposed to be. A place you can always go back to, home or not.

 “You’re not as devastated as the first time.” Taehyung pointed out while they were playing Mario Kart at Jimin's place.

 “I listed all the things that reminded me of him,” Jimin explained. “I planned to steer clear of them but some things I realized he can’t take away from me."

 “Like what?” Taehyung asked.

 “Like winter.” Jimin paused the game. “Winter is my favorite season, but that was when he left me. Both times. But I can’t unlove winter because I was hurt right?”

 “I’m proud of you, Jiminie.” Taehyung nudged his long-missed best friend.

 “And you too.” Jimin pointed out. “You introduced us to each other. I can’t unlove you.”

 Taehyung smiled at him. “I can’t unlove you too.” He rolled his eyes. “Even if you’re stupid sometimes.”

 “I often wondered when would looking at my tattoo stop hurting, but now I sometimes forget it’s there. It didn’t remind me of him anymore, it just reminded me of me - a guy who wears his heart on his sleeves, or in my case, on my rib.” Jimin admitted before continuing “It’s been a year now, and he actually texted me if we can meet again.”

 “Oh?” Taehyung raised a brow.

 “But he said that I should be ready when we meet.” Jimin continued.

 “Are you?” Jimin shook his head. “What did he say then?” Jimin knew he was okay in a way, but a big part of him wasn’t ready to meet Yoongi again. He pulled his phone from his pocket to retrieve the last text Yoongi sent.

 He handed it over to Taehyung, and it just read “Nevermind, then.”