#“nah it's a normal gun and it shoots normal bullets... i'm just like good at it”

[surelyimisheard]

it shoots normal bullets

[somewhat-adorkable]

Today at work a customer said "Are you having a fantastic day?"

Not "how are you?" and it gave me a moment of pause because I'm so used to "how are you?"

And that one is easy because I always just smile and say "I'm doing well! How are you?" so we can move on from the conversation and I don't have to expend any energy talking about myself and can keep the focus on them.

But no, "are you having a fantastic day?"

And obviously I could say yes and get it over with but the question made me freeze. Because no. I'm not having a fantastic day. But I can't say that because then she will ask why, and what am I supposed to say to that?

'Nah, you see, the godfather of my goddaughter decided to eat a fucking bullet in front of his girlfriend and it really shook us all up, especially her and my best friend. So I spent days staying up with them both to the point I ended up sick, and then on the third day I had to take a six hour car ride with my family while they screamed and fought constantly and I'm damned if I talk to them and damned if I don't because either way is a problem and I'm wrong. And then I had to spend three days around the extremely wealthy part of my family, which is uncomfortable enough at the best of times, but I had to pretend I wasn't completely devastated, exhausted, and heartbroken the whole time because that would have been a drag on everyone else. I'm also autistic so being out of my normal routine was extremely draining and having to mask so hard was seriously burning me out and I couldn't sleep because it was a hotel and not my house, and I spent the time I should have been at a funeral at my cousin's graduation instead and got to think about how he ate a bullet so now he will never see any of his kids milestones and how do you explain to a three year old that his dad is dead? I don't know how it feels to watch someone you love do that, but I remember standing with my hand over the muzzle of a gun and telling my friend if he wanted to kill himself then it had to shoot me too, and that resulted in me having a total mental breakdown so I can kinda imagine. They needed me to be there for them and I couldn't be because of my cousins graduation in another state which was just salt in the wound over and over. And then my family fought the whole time and fought the whole way back and it's exhausting to be around and I have an awful cough and a sinus infection but I'm at work anyway because I'm not rich like that side of my family I mean who the fuck thinks 64,000$ a year is a reasonable amount for highschool thats more than I make in a year and my friend is dead and I can't ask off work because the friend that killed himself was dating my boss's daughter and they are all back working so no I'm NOT having a fantastic day.'

In the grand scheme of things none of that matters so instead I say "I'm doing pretty darn good! How are you? How are the kids?"

And the world keeps spinning because your life goes on even when someone else's doesn't.

And the worst part of getting old is that some of the people that you love don't.

And I'm doing well, because that's what you're supposed to say.