#“man i've drawn too much lately i should give myself a break” *thinks about my little guys too much* “OOOUUURRRRRGGGGH-”

[marclef]

when your two comfort characters are your own Teeny Tiny Fluffy Kitty OC, and the most unsettling character in all of Pizza Tower 👁👁

him likes, the Kitty :) and also if you touch this kitty you are getting your limbs torn off :)

[getitinbusan]

10 years with Jungkook

California

You met Jeon Jeongguk in the summer of 2012. Two kids brought together by a calling to California and a chance at making it big. Best friends from the start, what happens when only one of you becomes successful? Do you ever forget your first love? 

Childhood friends to lovers, angst and smut.

Words:  4600

Warnings: 18 plus smut. Oral F, Sex MF, Swearing. Pretty Mild for me. This is a previously posted fic that has been updated and reworked.

It was a rare rainy August day in California. The heavy drops created a sad melody on the window as you put the dishes away. Tired and lonely, the feeling in your gut kept nagging at you, maybe it was time to give up. 

The savings account was drained, there were no jobs to be found and  this was the second month of falling short on rent. Surely it would only be a matter of time before your roommates would stop exchanging house cleaning for money. 

Hanging the threadbare towel over its hook you stood in the kitchen, your mood mirroring the dim light of the afternoon. Feeling frusterated and stupid, it had taken you way longer than it should have to realize that in LA, you were nothing. Not pretty enough, rich enough, skinny enough or talented enough to ever make it big. So this is how the great Califonia chapter of your life would end, not by choice but necessity. 

Gathering up the mail that was strewn across the countertop, you shuffled through it sorting its priority. Junk mail, bills, personal…one in particular standing out. Your heart began pounding as you took in the details.

The penmanship was nice, black ink on an unassuming envelope. But it was the stamp that caught your attention. It was sent from Korea.

Flipping it in your hand you examined the torn top. The letter, having been read, was cradled back safely inside. Addressed to your roommate a frown crept onto your face. Why wouldn’t he write to you?

It was a ridiculously hopeful notion but you widened the envelope and inhaled trying to find a trace of his fragrance, something, anything to trigger a happy memory. Cool California nights were the best excuse. How many times had you borrowed his sweaters just to have his smell on you?

You missed him. It had been a year and a half and you couldn't help but once again ponder the nagging question that always crept back. If you hadn't forced him to break the rules would he still be a part of your life? 

It was too tempting to resist, your fingers pinched the paper inside of the envelope and pulled it free. 

I’m feeling low, I don’t know who I am, only who I’m supposed to be.

What would life be like if I had stayed in California? We could all be roommates, hanging out and having fun, going to the beach on weekends.

Does she even think about me?

It sounds greedy that with how much I have right now, it’s not enough. I would give anything to wake up in bed beside her everyday. I want more than anything to be able to talk to her about these things but I can’t. I’ve made the mistake of trading her for fame and now I’m destined to keep her at an arm’s length so she’ll never know the price I paid.

How does she even see me? As an Idol? As the boy who abandoned her? Has she forgotten the good days we spent together?

I’ve been wrestling with myself, whoever that is. I wish I could be the teenage boy from that long ago summer again. I wrote this song thinking about it…

~When I see you smile in the screen

You’re good at everything

You’re just perfect

Feels like I've never been you

Do you even see me?

Do you know who I am?

Or how do I look now?

You don’t like me like that

I want to be your decalcomania~

I’m afraid I may not get back for a while, please write. Your friendship and thoughts of her are the only things that are keeping me tethered to some semblance of reality.

JK

Clutching the letter to your chest, your mind took you back to that day. 

"Decalcomania, the art or process of transferring pictures and designs. Making a copy of the original on a different medium"  

Reading the description on the wall you’d both stood laughing at the piece's strange name, Decalcomania. The gallery visit felt like lifetimes ago but you still remembered clearly. You remembered, not because the piece had struck you as particularly special but because that's where you had decided that Jeongguk's laugh was the best sound you'd ever heard.  

California had lured you into its promise when you turned 14. Having been accepted to an  intensive dance program at The Movement Lifestyle Studio you packed up and headed West for the summer. 

It was July and it was hot, the dancers stepping off the bus one at a time took their places in the studio.

Looking around there were so many older kids, you were probably one of the youngest. Calling out names they put you into groups, it appeared to be by age so you made your way across the unfamiliar wooden floor to the tiny gathering of teens in the darkened corner.

Shy introductions were made as one more member was ushered over to where you had congregated. “This is Jeongguk.” 

He had the cutest smile and barely spoke english but his eyes twinkled like the constellations. Immediately drawn to each other you became fast friends.

Absolutely exhausted by the end of the first few days he quietly knocked at your door.

He was homesick and lonely, used to being surrounded by his six members, he couldn’t sleep well without someone beside him. You let him crawl into bed with you, you were 14 and it was innocent. 

Inseparable, days and nights were spent side by side, the others began referring to you as the twins. It was the best summer of your life but like every boy meets girl summer story, it had to come to a close. Promising through tears to keep in touch and stay friends you went your separate ways. 

Jeongguk would send silly videos of his practice sessions, goofing around with the other members.  He’d facetime and text but he always loved to send handwritten letters.

They lived in a box under your bed and contained stories of how hard he was working to become an idol. He always signed off with, "I miss you,” and a few lines of lyrics he’d written.

You didn’t know then how important they would become, the only tangible piece of him you could still hold on to.  

Whenever he came back to America you did everything you could to see him. You always found a way to get to the small tour stops whenever they came through. 2015 was the first, then KCon in 2016, but 2017, it was different.

Facetiming you with the news that they were bringing the Wings tour to NY, Chicago and Anaheim, he asked if you’d be part of the dance crew. How could you turn down two weeks with Jungkook the hottest new K-pop Idol? They were getting bigger, more popular and their lives were changing rapidly.

He had strict rules, girls were completely off limits. No talking, no hugging, no smiling at one another, any little thing could be easily misconstrued by the fans. Everything had to be done in secret. Jungkook would sneak you into his hotel room where you would spend your nights together catching up. The boys would bring you in food and cover for him while you both stayed locked away out of sight.

While happy to be with him, you could tell there was an underlying sadness he was holding on to.

"I wish I could go and explore the city with you like we used to," his voice trailed off.

You were laying in each other’s arms cuddling on his bed.  Leaning over he kissed the top of your head.

"All I really want is to take you on a proper date."

You snuggled closer into his side as he exhaled deeply, releasing his secret. 

"I’ve been waiting so long to become someone, a man worthy of your affection. Now I’m stuck. I have everything I wanted and I’m not allowed to share it with you."

His arms gripped you tighter.

"I’m sorry, this is a terrible confession. I don’t expect you to love me back, not under these circumstances, I just need you to know, you’re the only girl I’ve ever loved and there won’t be anybody else, ever." 

Every bit of his confession, every moment of that last night in the hotel room had stuck with you to this day. The words of a 19 year old boy whose life had become bigger than the feelings of two people.

He'd left in the morning without knowing. You were a coward, too afraid to tell him you loved him too.  

LA became your home right after they left Anaheim. Focused on your dancing, if you became good enough, maybe you could join the tour with him. 

A letter with a big bouquet of flowers arrived a few weeks later. 

"Congratulations on your new house in LA!

I hope that all of you are getting along as roommates, it’s hard living with others sometimes.

Last night I dreamt that I was there with you and all of our friends. We were having a party on the beach and we sat together watching the sunset.

Do you remember after practice when we would skateboard as fast as we could to the ocean so we wouldn’t miss the colors?

Maybe one day my toes can feel the sand there again.

I miss you, I miss me… the me I am when I get to be with you.

We're coming back in October for a few days and I’m hoping I can see you, I’m lonely already.   

Jeongguk

~Won’t you please stay in dreams

I can hear the sea from far away

Across the dream, over the bush

Go there where it becomes clear

Take my hands now

You are the cause of my euphoria

When I’m with you, I’m in utopia~

By the time The AMAs came, the plan had been finalized. You would steal Jungkook away so that you could take him on your first real date.

Having enlisted Namjoon to help, he was your inside man. The boys, happy to help finally get you together, would cover for his whereabouts with management. The day before the awards they were only scheduled for styling, as long as he wasn’t late for the press rounds the next afternoon your plan could work.

It was Namjoon’s job to get him out of the building. Telling him to follow his lead, Joon convinced the managers that Jungkook must have eaten something bad for lunch. Claiming to not feel well, he was whisked away to meet you at the hotel’s back receiving door. 

Sitting in the shiny red rented convertible you tossed him a pair of sunglasses. What you wouldn’t give now to see that smile again.

Barely giving him time to get in you’d sped away heading straight for In And Out Burger.

"Kookie, I hope you’re ready for the best day of your life! We’re going to eat until we explode, drink and party at the beach and then, instead of returning you to your fancy 5 star hotel you’re staying the night in my crappy little house with a tiny uncomfortable bed!!"

He laughed, that perfect laugh. It was so pure and honest, thinking about it now made you sad. Was that the last moment he'd gotten to be his true self? Jeongguk the man not Jungkook the personna? 

Knowing you only had one day to give him everything, one day to show him you loved him, you tried to make the best of it.

Picking up the food Jungkook held onto the red and white bags in the passenger seat, sneaking his hand in to steal fries when he thought you weren’t looking. If you weren’t sure you were in love with him before you you certainly were now.

Pulling up beside the tree on the beach he was stunned, "Ahhh Jagi, I can’t believe you brought me here."

Happy that it meant as much to him as it did to you, you both sat on the branch and ate. Two blocks from the old studio this used to be your escape. Every break you’d make your way to the tree for some time alone, together. 

With the burgers done he turned to you and smiled. It felt like he wanted to say something, but stupidly, you'd cut him short leading him back towards the car.

Making your way through your checklist you brought him back to where you'd first met. The Movement studios students were starstruck when he walked in. After insisting that he teach some choreography, he reluctantly led the class.

Your eyes were glued to him as he moved in front of the mirrors, no longer that awkward teenager but a full grown man mesmerizing you with his every move.

Getting back to the car he stopped you before you reached for the handle. Putting his arms around you he pulled you in close. But again, you resisted him. 

"You stink Jungkook, our next stop is the ocean."

You remember pulling away. How stupid you were, you should have held on to him longer. Reaching into the back seat you revealed a pair of swim shorts and a towel. He looked disappointed that you kept interrupting his attempts at intimacy. It broke your heart but you had a plan and limited time to execute it. 

The Ocean was chilly but the wind was warm, he came out of the change room with the shorts on but still wearing his shirt.

"Kookie, this isn’t Korea, you don’t have to be so modest here. Plus, you should grab some sun, you may not believe it but when your skin is sunkissed," you grinned, "you look really sexy."

He raised his eyebrows and quickly removed the shirt at your request.

Running into the water you splashed and played and he took great pleasure in picking you up and throwing you as far as he could.

The sun was getting ready to set and you wanted to dry off before the cooler air set in.

Leading him back to the shore you both laid down on the towel. He put his arm around you and you cuddled into his side.

"My god Guk, look at your abs!"

He blushed like crazy as you traced the muscles on his stomach.

"Stop, it tickles," he giggled.

But you didn’t, you kept tickling him until he held you so tight you couldn’t move. He had you pinned, flipping you on your back he shook his wet hair flinging water droplets all over you. Pleased with himself he leaned in closer to you, his eyes asking for permission to kiss you. As the gap between you got narrower you could hear his name being shouted and footsteps running closer. He flopped onto his back and sighed as your roommates and friends piled on top of him.

Eating, drinking and catching up with everyone you watched each other from across the bonfire. Moving from person to person he slowly made his way back to your side.

"Welcome back." Running your hand through the back of his hair, it was now or never. 

Pulling him closer your lips finally met in the way they were destined, soft, slow and full of love. His hands instinctively moved to cup your face as the world stopped around you.

"I love you," you whispered.

Nose to nose he smiled at you and it was the most beautiful thing you’d ever seen.

It didn’t last long, his phone started going off incessantly. The managers knew, you’d been careless, photos and videos of him from the studio had been posted online.

"I’m so sorry Jungkook, I didn’t mean for you to get in trouble."

His eyes turned hungry as he grabbed your hand.

"You promised I wouldn’t be going back to my hotel tonight, let’s get out of here."

If he was going to get in trouble anyway, why stop now?  

The drive back to your place was quiet, adrenaline and hormones flowing like electricity through you both. The time for smiling was over as the seriousness of the situation lingered in the air between you.

It wasn’t just being in trouble or being caught, but the fact that you both knew what was going to happen when you stepped into your bedroom. One act that would change everything between you, it held the power to change the dynamic of your relationship forever.

Leading him to your room you closed the door and stood staring at him as he sat on your bed. He raked his fingers through his hair before he spoke.

"I’ve never wanted anything more in my life than to be able to make love to you. BUT I also know that when I leave I’m not going to get to see you again for a very long time." His head hung low. "Management is going to do everything possible to keep us apart and that won’t be fair to you. I think that maybe we should just let our happy memories of today be enough, I don’t want you to regret anything. " 

Walking closer you stood between his legs and he wrapped his arms around your waist.

"The only thing I'll regret is never getting to experience all of you. I can’t live not knowing how it feels to be totally yours even if it's only for one night."

He rested his head against your chest, "You’ll always be mine."

His hands traveled to the hem of your shirt and his fingers ran over the soft skin of your stomach. Undoing the button of your jeans he slowly slid them down your legs and you stepped out of them. 

Standing up he lifted the thin fabric of your shirt over your head and you stood before him waiting as he took his off too. Unclasping your bra he sighed as he looked at you taking in your shape, his fingertips hovering over your hard nipples.

"I’ve never done this before," he confessed.

"Me either," you whispered. "I've only ever wanted it to be you."

More relaxed he let his mouth start exploring your body. You were goosebumps and shivers beneath him as his tongue found it’s home between your legs.

He was soft and careful, placing his lips over your clit sucking it in delicately until your moans couldn’t be contained any longer. You could feel his eyes burning into you as he watched in awe as his finger slid inside you.

"It feels good Kookie, please…"

You could feel his mouth stopping to smile before he picked up speed. Moving your hips to eagerly meet his mouth you were unravelling quickly.

"The way you taste is better than anything I had imagined."

Devouring you in sessions between his words of adoration you came hard on his tongue. 

"I'm really regretting running you all over town today when we could have just been here...doing that.. " You were out of breath. 

"I was worried that I wouldn't be any good." He grinned at you pleased with himself. 

Moving up to where your head lay on the pillow he pushed the dampened hair off your face, "Are you ok? Do you need anything?"

He placed his forehead against yours.

"I just want you. I need you to know I'm yours, forever. 

Rolling a condom on he moved slowly to line himself up with your entrance.

"Tell me if you need me to stop okay?"

He pushed carefully, slowly stretching you around him. Watching intently for discomfort he froze when he saw the tears welling in your eyes.

"Shit, I’m so sorry, let’s stop, I didn’t mean to hurt you." He was apologetic as he thumbed away the tears.

"No," you delicately kissed his lips. "I’m okay… I’m just so happy, so overwhelmed with how much I’m feeling right now."

He smiled down at you, pressing his body closer he gave another push until he was fully inside. Your bodies fell into a beautifully choreographed rhythm until Jungkook was so lost in pleasure he began to move at his own pace. Quicker and deeper he moved until he finally spilled into the condom. 

Laying together in euphoria you kissed, and kissed, and kissed until you finally found sleep while wrapped around one other.

Every few hours he’d wake you up. His hands running over your body checking to make sure you weren't just a dream. You’d made love each time, everytime better than the last.

It was 9 am when he caressed you awake once more.

"I have to leave soon. I don’t want to." He spoke in whispers nestled into your neck. "Please tell me to stay."

Your heart broke at his words. "If I ask you to stay, I’m selfish, you’ll always wonder if you made the right decision." The tears came, knowing you had to do what was right. "If I tell you to go, your dreams come true… ” your voice trailed off.

"And I’ll always wonder if I made the right decision,” he finished. 

Your phone started ringing and you knew time was up.

It was Joon, "I’m outside. Sorry, I held them off as long as I could. I told them that I’d come get him so you could at least have time to say goodbye."

Your tears fell out in heavy ugly sobs, "Okay, five minutes… and Joon… thanks, I know you’re probably in trouble too."

Hanging up you turned back, Jungkook was already out of bed with his clothes thrown on. He stood with open arms bravely waiting. 

"Thank you for yesterday I'll never forget it."

Laying your head against his chest you took a moment to listen to his heartbeat. You could hear him sniffle and knew he was crying too.

You flashed back remembering that night long ago when he came to you homesick, holding you so he could sleep while he tried to hide his tears. There was a knock at the door and Namjoon’s voice broke through the moment.

"We’ve got to go Jungkook."

Stepping away you’d left his shirt soaked in tears, handing him his sweater he pushed it back towards you. "You keep it."

He kissed you one last time before opening the door to reveal Namjoon's weary face. His Hyung put his arm around his shoulder and led him to the car.

Turning one last time he looked back, his eyes were filled with tears as he gave a small wave before getting in the back of the big black sedan. 

For months you pretended that management was the only thing keeping you apart.

You held on to that silly notion until May when they were coming for the Billboard awards. For weeks leading up you waited for a message, a secret meeting arrangement, but you got nothing. His image was all over the TV and his voice echoed through your empty heart. Then, just like that, it was over and he was gone again. 

Now, here you stood in your kitchen, his letter bringing him to the forefront of your mind and opening old wounds.

He was just as sad as you but what could you do? 

Picking up a pen you began writing… 

I shouldn’t have done it but I read it in your letter

You said to a friend that you wish you were doing better

I wanted to reach out but I never said a thing

You don’t ever have to be stronger than you really are

And honey, you don’t ever have to act cooler than you think you should

You’re brighter than the brightest stars

You’re scared to win, scared to lose

I’ve heard the war was over if you really choose

The one in and around you

You hate the heat, you got the blues

You’re changing like the weather, oh, that’s so like you

I’ll pick you up

I’ll catch you on the flipside

If you come back to California

We’ll do whatever you want, travel wherever, how far

We’ll hit up all the old places

We’ll have a party, we can dance till dawn… 

Y/N

October came again and a chill was in the air, the smell of the ocean hit your nose and you stopped to take it in.

Bundled in Jungkook’s hoodie you threw your bag over your shoulder and began your walk to work. You'd gotten lucky, Movement had hired you just as you were about to give up and leave California. Filled with hope and excitement a new intensive program was scheduled to start today and you were going to meet the future superstars of the dance world. 

Memories flooded your mind as you made your way through the familiar neighborhood. It still hurt, but things were beginning to feel happy again. Writing the letter had given you closure, he knew how you felt and beyond that there was nothing else you could do.

Opening the heavy door to the studio you caught a familiar reflection moving in the mirror.  Chalk marker in hand he was writing something, It couldn’t be?

Hearing the door click back into place he turned to face you.

"Hi."

He walked towards you slowly. Unsure of what your reaction would be, he approached with caution.

"Hi."

You were breathless, in the months of not seeing him he’d only grown more handsome.

"I can’t change what happened… and for the rest of my life I’ll be sorry for all of the time we missed."

He was getting closer.

"But I can’t take another day not knowing if I can fix this… somehow…"

He reached for your hand but you pulled it away. His head fell in disappointment.

"Jungkook, I can’t listen to this… look at me."

Reaching for his chin you pulled his head up until he was facing you again.

"I refuse to listen to you apologize for something that is out of your control. Your life was decided before you met me and I am nothing but grateful that I got to appear in some part of your story."

He tilted his head and pressed a small kiss into the hand that was still holding his chin.

"God I’ve missed you." He wrapped his arms tightly around your waist.

"How long are you here? I’ve got to teach class.. It’s the first day but I’d love it if we could catch up?"

He laughed at you and your knees buckled at the sound of his happiness.

Taking his chance he pressed his lips to yours and you could feel the smile forming on his face.

"I’m your private lesson Jagi, I’ve booked you for the next two weeks."

Taking a step back you had to ask, "How Jungkook? What will you be giving up?"

Pulling you back to his embrace he began to dance with you.

"There is no more giving up, on anything. Our contracts were over and I only had one thing I wouldn’t negotiate on, that’s you." 

He guided you to look at the mirror.

"I wrote you something."

~Please call my name one more time

I’m standing under the frozen light, 

but I’ll walk step by step towards you

Still with you ~

"I promise I’ll never let you go again."

[smileyoongle]

Mafia BTS! Seeing you for the first time (Maknae line)

Note: This imagine won't necessarily have all the members belonging to the same mafia. I thought having them all as the leaders would make a better plot so......here you go.

[Here's the link to the Hyung Line imagine: Mafia BTS! Seeing you for the first time (Hyung Line) ]

Park Jimin:

Placing his wine glass on the table, Jimin leaned forward to listen to the conversation of his gang mates. They all laughed at a joke one of them cracked. It was a happy day. It had to be, it had been 5 years since Jimin took to running a mafia. So naturally, when people saw him all happy and smiles, they were astonished. People had usually only seen him when he was mad or pissed off at someone who bothered him.

Jimin had decided to share his mafia's anniversary with everybody in the restaurant. He took to paying for all their drinks. This made the people even more shocked. But who really rejects free drinks?

You entered the expensive restaurant with your boyfriend, hand in hand. You looked around the place while your boyfriend told the manager about his reservation. It was your 2 year anniversary. But you weren't sure if you were gonna be celebrating anymore anniversaries, seeing as you had decided that you didn't want this relationship anymore. You were sure you would end it tonight on a peaceful note. You didn't wanna be with someone who treated you like an object, who never introduced you as his girlfriend to his friends, who was a materialistic freak or better yet, who slept around with other girls thinking that you didn't know anything.

You felt eyes on you as you made your way to your table. You searched around for anyone who was looking at you. Your eyes stopped at someone sitting at the corner of the restaurant. You looked carefully, only to gasp and blush. Park Jimin was staring at you. Of course you knew him, everyone did. You took your seat while glancing a look at him again. His eyes were still on you. You bit your lip and turned to your boyfriend. You shook your head, obviously it meant nothing.

Meanwhile Jimin's eyes were stuck on you since the moment you entered. You looked gorgeous in your black silk dress and your wavy hair. You seemed to be in deep thought when you stood their waiting to get to your table. But when he saw your hand in another man's, he wanted nothing more than to take out his gun and shoot him right there. But he didn't wanna scare you, so he tried to calm himself down. It helped when you looked back at him. Your beautiful eyes showing surprise in them to see him staring at you. Right then he decided, he wanted you now. He turned his attention back to his friends and started thinking about what he could do.

You sighed as your boyfriend started making a scene in front of the entire restaurant. You really thought he'd be okay with it. He should have been, if he really wanted you then he wouldn't have gone around sleeping with every girl he stumbled upon. You winced as he grabbed your arm and pulled you to your feet. This had gone way too far than you thought. "You. Are. Not. Leaving. Me" he gritted his teeth and glared at you. You whimpered in pain as he tightened his grip on your arm. You were sure there were gonna be bruises.

"You should be grateful that I'm putting up with your dumb self. Anyone else would've left you long ago. Just like your parents did." He chuckled bitterly at you. Tears filled your eyes at his harsh words. Before you could say anything, he was torn away from you. Just as you looked at your knight in shining armour, your now ex-boyfriend was punched in the face, causing him to fall to the floor.

Jimin bent down and grabbed the man's jaw. He had tried to hurt you and Jimin wasn't having any of it. "I see you around her one more time, you'll wish you were never born." He snarled at him. You stood there as you looked at the scene infront of you. Here he was, Park Jimin, the one who protected you. And you had a feeling he would be doing that for a long time from now.

After seeing your supposed boyfriend scurry away in fear, Jimin made his way to you. He wiped the tear on your cheek and looked in your eyes. His heart swelled at how circumstances had been in his favour. He was never gonna forget this day. He promised himself that he was never gonna hurt you in anyway. He was gonna treat you like a queen.

You felt your breathing quicken when his hands held yours. Although he didn't say anything, but his eyes, they said a lot to you. You knew for sure that you would always remember that look. It was as if his eyes had said,

" I would break my own heart to protect yours."

Kim Taehyung:

Taehyung glanced a look at his watch and sighed. The man he was supposed to have a deal with, was late. He hated people who couldn't be on time. Time was essential, especially when you live every second of your life dangerously.

He clenched his jaw as he observed the crowd of people dancing on the floor below. The loud music blared through the club as he grew impatient. This club was one of the many he owned. Different night, different club. That was his life. It was absolutely adventurous but he found himself growing tired of it. He wanted something different from life now. He didn't wanna come back to a dark and lonely house every night. He craved the feeling of being wanted. Of course, he could have any girl he wanted. But he wanted someone who consumed his thoughts day and night. He wanted someone to call 'his'. Someone to protect from this cruel world.

Taehyung's attention was drawn to the bouncers leading someone to the VIP area, right where he sat. He glared as he saw the man who called himself Joaquin, enter the lounge. Taehyung could have his head on a platter for wasting his time but he brushed off the idea because the deal was too important to him. Joaquin put forward his hand with a smirk for Taehyung to shake, as if he was proud of himself. But Taehyung sat still, only glaring at him. The smirk was washed off his face as he took back his hand and sat down infront of the intimidating Mafia leader. Taehyung took in the man's appearance and doubted himself. He didn't really look like someone who should be in this line of work. He looked too confident, like he was some celebrity. He considered calling this deal off. But all of his dilemma faded as he saw you standing behind the so called dealer, looking a little uncomfortable.

Joaquin noticed his eyes on you and took it as a signal to introduce you. "Ah, this is Y/N. I bought her to fulfill needs that I'm certain every man has." He smirked and looked at you. He had always treated you like an expensive object he bought.

You clenched your jaw and glared at him. Everything that came out of his mouth was wrong. You would never sell your body to any man, let alone this disgusting excuse of one. You'd never even let him near you and he accepted this, finally giving up after a lot of trying.

Before you could defend yourself, the man who you knew as Taehyung spoke up.

"Having me wait and then talking complete bullshit about a woman, that certainly says a lot about you." He narrowed his eyes as he pulled out a gun from behind him, placing it on the table infront of him.

Taehyung didn't believe Joaquin for a second. When he saw your annoyance, he wanted to finish him off for good. He respected women very much and he had no tolerance for anyone who talked rubbish about them. And since you already had all his attention, he wanted to do everything he could to make sure you were comfortable.

You seemed level headed and innocent at the same time. Your red dress hugged all your curves perfectly. Taehyung found himself thinking about how he'd love nothing more than to explore every inch of you. He licked his lips as he found himself getting more and more intrigued by you. He fantasized about having a woman like you by his side. When he saw Joaquin's pale face at seeing the gun, he stood up and fixed his suit. "You know, I've dealt with a lot of people like you. Always so full of yourself and feeding off on others self esteem when the truth is that you know you are pathetic and incompetent." He said and moved to where you stood. You stood there frozen. Taehyung looked at you from head to toe. You suddenly felt insecure. You bit your lip and looked away. You'd never been so intimidated by a man before.You hadn't looked at Taehyung closely before but now that he stood right infront of you, he looked so ethereal. He was breathtakingly handsome.

His lips curled into a smirk as he saw you checking him out. He saw your flustered expression as you bit your lip. Taehyung felt extremely delighted to know you were attracted to him too. He leaned down and whispered in your ear, "You might wanna stop doing that, love. I don't think you understand how troublesome it is to control myself."

You gasped at his words. He tilted his head to look at you with a smirk, that damned smirk. He was certainly enjoying this. Your wide eyes gave away how innocent you really were. You might have put on a strong front for the world but really, you weren't like that at all.

He turned to Joaquin to seal the deal. "This deal is called off. You may go back but this lady will be spending the night with me, whether you like it or not." Joaquin gave a small nod and left. Clearly he was afraid of what Taehyung would have done to him if he hadn't obeyed. Everyone was afraid of Taehyung, it was impossible not to be.

But you only felt curious about what was beneath this cold demeanor that he carried. There certainly had to be more to him. Taehyung was determined to know you too. More so, he was determined to break the walls you had built, he knew how to read people very well. He could tell you weren't really how you acted. He was curious too. One thing was certain, he had no plans of letting you go back to that dumb man. He wanted to own you mind, body and soul. And nothing was gonna stop him.

"Say you want me because I know I do."

Jeon Jungkook:

You smoothed out your dress as you stepped out of the black limousine. The building infront of you hovering like a giant ready to engulf you. You didn't wanna be here, and the fact that your best friend was so extra didn't help either. Really, a limousine? This wasn't even an award show. It was just a masquerade ball.

You absolutely hated crowds. You had no intention of attending this party either. But when your best friend showed you her puppy eyes, you couldn't bring yourself to say no. So here you were, wearing a ball gown with a mask covering half of your face. Your best friend had been invited here. She was very rich but she never let it get to her. Her family adored you and treated you like their own. Basically your best friend had been by you for as far as you could remember. You didn't have a family but you didn't feel sad about that anymore. Credits to your best friend. So thinking that you owed her this much atleast, you climbed up the steps to the ballroom.

You could hear the chatter of people along with soft music playing behind the huge double doors. The doors opened revealing the interiors. You gasped as you took in the scene infront of you. You had never been to a place like this. You were stood on top of a staircase. You looked at the entire place with amusement. Maybe being here wasn't so bad. You were so engrossed in admiring the room that you didn't notice the people staring at you. Everything seemed to have stopped, all eyes were on you. You blamed it all on the expensive gown that your best friend had bought you. Or maybe all these rich people figured that you didn't belong here?

Jungkook almost took his mask off as he saw you stood near the entrance. You looked stunning in that blue gown, the light of amusement in your eyes only added to your beauty. He was a driven young man who lived a dangerous life. He had to attend the party in order to settle a conflict that had been getting in the way of his work. But all that was forgotten when he saw you. He wanted nothing more than to just go up to you and take off your mask to see you properly. You were already beautiful, he could only imagine what was beneath the mask.

You were flustered as your best friend pulled you down the stairs. The music seemed to have started again. Some eyes were still on you but you tried not to pay attention. Soon enough the ball was in full swing. You turned down a few people who asked you to dance with them. You weren't a dancer. So you watched as your friend danced around, clearly enjoying herself. You decided to get some fresh air. Making your way to what looked like the door to the garden, you were obviously clueless about someone who was completely captivated by you.

Jungkook saw you make your way to the garden so he followed you. He wanted to know you. So here he stood, behind you. It was a cold night. Too cold for you to be here. "It's too cold to be here, don't you think?" A voice startled you. You turned around to see an extremely handsome man. You couldn't see all of his face but from whatever you could see, he was damn handsome.

"Not very fond of crowds." You smiled at him. Jungkook's heart fluttered when you smiled at him. Your voice was angelic too. He was growing desperate for you. "So I'm guessing you'll be turning me down if I ask you to dance, huh?" He extended his hand out to you. You bit your lip. You certainly couldn't bring yourself to say no to him. "I suck at dancing." You said sheepishly. He chuckled. "I can deal with that." He grinned at you. Taking a deep breath, you took his hand.

He held you close as you both swayed to the music. It felt as if everything around you had disappeared. Your heart was beating fast. Curiosity was eating you inside. You wanted to see him. His eyes kept flitting between your eyes and lips. You looked away as you blushed.

"Take it off. Let me see you, princess." He whispered in your ear, making you blush even more. You weren't the only one who was curious. You hesitantly pulled away from him to take off your mask. But before you could do anything, a loud noise was followed by the sound of glass shattering. Screams filled the room as another noise echoed. Gunshots.

People around had already started running out of the ballroom. You were scared. What was going on? Jungkook clenched his jaw. He understood that the meeting didn't go very nice. He had told everybody to not do anything until he came. But of course, they didn't listen. He looked at your panicked form. He had to get you out but he also had to help his people.

You turned to the mystery man infront of you, only to find him looking at you. His eyes showed concern and anger. You felt a hand tug yours. You saw your best friend pulling you towards the exit. You couldn't protest. You were already suffocating. You wanted to get out so you let your friend pull you away from him, the mystery man. He didn't move at all. He stood still between all of the chaos.

Jungkook was mad. Mad that he didn't even ask you your name. Mad that he couldn't even see your face. He mouthed a few words to you. A promise he made to himself. You weren't sure if you understood what he said correctly. But from what you thought he said, you felt a surge of happiness. Obviously you weren't gonna see him again. But that's where you were wrong. You didn't know who he was. And you certainly didn't know he'd do anything to have you.

"I will find you soon."

I had to write the Jungkook imagine twice. Tumblr was acting up but here it is. I hope you like it. Do you want me to do more mafia imagines? Do let me know. I also feel this isn't so good so I'm sorry. I'll do better next time.

- XX

[getitinbusan]

Jungkook's first love. Angst and smut, inspired by the song California.

It was a rare rainy August day in California. The heavy drops created a sad melody on the window as you put the dishes away. Tired and lonely, the feeling in your gut kept nagging at you, maybe it was time to give up. 

It was the second month of not making rent and it was only a matter of time before your roommates would stop exchanging house cleaning duties for money. 

Standing in the kitchen feeling stupid, It had taken you way longer than it should have to realize in LA you were nothing. Not pretty enough, rich enough, skinny enough or talented enough.

Gathering up the mail that was strewn across the countertop, you shuffled through to sort priority. Junk mail, bills, personal… one standing out in particular. The penmanship was nice, black ink, unassuming envelope, but it was the stamp that caught your attention, it was sent from Korea.

The top had already been torn, the letter having been read, was cradled back safely inside. Addressed to your roommate a frown crept onto your face, why wouldn’t he write to you?

It was a ridiculously  hopeful notion but you widened the envelope and inhaled trying to find his fragrance, something, anything to trigger a happy memory. How many times had you borrowed his sweater just to have his smell on your skin? Cool California nights were the best excuse to wrap yourself in his scent.

You missed him, it had been a year and a half since he’d last come around.

It was too tempting to resist, your fingers pinched the paper inside of the envelope and pulled it free. 

I’m feeling low, I don’t know who I am, only who I’m supposed to be.

What would life be like if I had stayed in California? We could all be roommates, hanging out and having fun, going to the beach on weekends.

Does she even think about me?

It sounds greedy that with how much I have right now, it’s not enough. I would give anything to wake up in bed beside her everyday. I want more than anything to be able to talk to her about these things but I can’t. I've made the mistake of trading her for fame and now I’m destined to keep her at an arm’s length so she’ll never know the price I paid.

How does she even see me now?  Just an Idol? Has she forgotten the days we spent together?

I’ve been wrestling with myself, whoever that is. I wish I could be the teenage boy from that long ago summer again. I wrote this song thinking about it…

~When I see you smile in the screen

You’re good at everything

You’re just perfect

Feels like I've never been you

Do you even see me?

Do you know who I am?

Or how do I look now?

You don’t like me like that

I want to be your decalcomania~

I’m afraid I may not get back for a while, please write. Your friendship and thoughts of Y/N are the only things that are keeping me tethered to some semblance of reality.

JK

Clutching the letter to your chest, your mind took you back to that day. 

“Decalcomania, the art or process of transferring pictures and designs. Making a copy of the original on a different medium"  

You’d both laughed at the strange name, reading the description of the art on the museum wall during your visit so long ago.  

California had lured you into its promise when you turned 14. Having been accepted to an  intensive dance program at The Movement Lifestyle Studio you packed up and headed West for the summer. 

It was July and it was hot, the dancers stepping off the bus one at a time took their places in the studio.

Looking around there were so many older kids, you were probably one of the youngest. Calling out names they put you into groups, it appeared to be by age so you made your way to the tiny gathering of four.

Shy introductions were made as one more member was ushered over to where you had congregated. "This is Jungkook.” 

He had the cutest smile and barely spoke english but his eyes twinkled like the constellations. Immediately drawn to each other you became fast friends.

Absolutely exhausted at the end of the first few days he’d knocked at your door.

He was homesick and lonely, used to being surrounded by his six members, he couldn’t sleep well without someone beside him. You let him crawl into bed with you, you were 14 and it was innocent. 

Inseparable, days and nights were spent side by side, the others began referring to you as the twins. It was the best summer of your life but like every boy meets girl summer story, it had to come to a close. Promising through tears to keep in touch and stay friends you went your separate ways. 

Jungkook would send silly videos of his practice sessions, goofing around with the other members.  He’d facetime and text but he always loved to send handwritten letters.

They lived in a box under your bed and contained stories of how hard he was working to become an idol. He always signed off with, "I miss you" and a few lines of lyrics he’d written.

You didn’t know then how important they would become, the only tangible piece of him you could still hold on to.  

Whenever he came back to America you did everything you could to see him. You went to the small tour stops when they came through in 2015, KCon in 2016, but 2017 was different.

Facetiming you with the news that they were bringing the Wings tour to NY, Chicago and Anaheim, he asked if you’d be part of the dance crew. How could you turn down two weeks with Jungkook? They were getting bigger, more popular and their lives were changing rapidly.

Jungkook would sneak you into his hotel room so you could spend your nights catching up. He had strict rules. Girls were not allowed and even though it was just friendship, it could be easily misconstrued by the fans. Everything had to be done in secret. The boys would bring in food and cover for him while you both stayed locked away out of sight.

While happy to be with him, you could tell there was an underlying sadness he was holding on to.

“I wish I could go and explore the city with you like we used to,” his voice trailed off.

You were laying in each other’s arms cuddling on his bed.  Leaning over he kissed the top of your head.

“All I really want is  to take you on a proper date."

Your head moved on his chest as he inhaled deeply.

"I’ve been waiting so long to become someone, to become a man worthy of your affection. Now I’m stuck, I have everything and I’m not allowed to share it with you.”

His arms gripped you tighter, “I’m sorry, this is a terrible confession. I don’t expect you to love me back, not under these circumstances, I just need you to know, you’re the only girl I’ve ever loved and there won’t be anybody else, ever." 

You remembered every word of his confession, every moment of that last night in the hotel room. The words of a 19 year old boy whose life had become bigger than the feelings of two people.

He left in the morning without knowing. You were too afraid to tell him, you loved him too.  

LA became home right after the they left Anaheim. Focused on dancing, if you became good enough maybe you could join the tour with him. 

A letter with a big bouquet of flowers arrived a few weeks later. 

"Congratulations on your new house in LA!

I hope that all of you are getting along as roommates, it’s hard living with others sometimes.

Last night I dreamt that I was there with you and all our friends, we were having a party on the beach and we sat together and watched the sunset.

Remember after practice we would skateboard as fast as we could to the ocean so we wouldn’t miss the colors?

Maybe one day my toes can feel the sand there again.

I miss you, I miss me… the me I am when I get to be with you.

We are coming back in November for a few days and I’m hoping I can see you, I’m lonely already.   

Jeongguk

~Won’t you please stay in dreams

I can hear the sea from far away

Across the dream, over the bush

Go there where it becomes clear

Take my hands now

You are the cause of my euphoria

When I’m with you, I’m in utopia~

When The AMAs came, all of your friends in LA were involved with the production. Your roommates helped organize the coup to steal Jungkook away so you could take him on a real date.

Having enlisted Namjoon to help, the boys would cover for his whereabouts. The day before the awards they were only scheduled for styling, as long as he wasn’t late for the press rounds the next afternoon your plan could work.

It was Namjoon’s job to get him out of the building. Telling him to follow his lead, Joon convinced the managers that Jungkook must have eaten something bad for lunch. Claiming to not feel well, he was whisked away to meet you at the hotel's back receiving door. 

Sitting in the shiny red rented convertible you tossed him a pair of sunglasses. What you wouldn’t give now to see that smile again.

Barely giving him time to get in you’d sped away heading straight for In And Out Burger.

"Kookie, I hope you're ready for the best day of your life! We’re going to eat until we explode, drink and party at the beach and then, instead of returning you to your fancy 5 star hotel you’re staying the night in my crappy little house with a tiny uncomfortable bed!!” 

He laughed, so pure and happy, thinking about it now made you sad. Was that the last time he got to be his true self, Jeongguk the man not Jungkook the personna? 

Knowing you only had one day to give him everything, one day to show him you loved him, you tried to make the best of it.

Picking up the food Jungkook held onto the red and white bags in the passenger seat, sneaking his hand in to steal fries when he thought you weren’t looking. If you weren’t sure you were in love with him before you you certainly were now.

Pulling up beside the tree on the beach he was stunned, “Ahhh Jagi, I can’t believe you brought me here.”

Happy that it meant as much to him as it did to you, you both sat on the branch and ate. Two blocks from the old studio this used to be your escape. Every break you’d make your way to the tree for time alone, together. 

With the burgers done he turned to you and smiled. It felt like he wanted to say something, cutting him short you pulled him up and back towards the car.

Making your way to the Movement studio the students were starstruck when he walked in. After insisting that he teach some choreography, he reluctantly led the class.

Your eyes were glued to him as he moved in front of the mirrors, no longer that awkward teenager but a full grown man mesmerizing you with every move.

Getting back to the car he stopped you before you reached for the handle. Putting his arms around you he pulled you in close, “You stink Jungkook, I think our next stop is the ocean.”

You remember pulling away, how stupid you were, you should have held on to him longer. Reaching into the back seat you revealed a pair of swim shorts and a towel. He looked disappointed that you kept interrupting his attempts at intimacy, but you had a plan and limited time to execute it. 

The Ocean was cold but the wind was warm, he came out of the change room with the shorts on but was still wearing his shirt.

“Kookie, this isn’t Korea, you don’t have to be so modest here. Plus, you should grab some sun, you may not believe it but when your skin is sunkissed… you look really good.” 

He raised his eyebrows and quickly removed the shirt at your request.

Running into the water you splashed and played and he took great pleasure in picking you up and throwing you as far as he could.

The sun was getting ready to set and you wanted to dry off before the cooler air set in.

Leading him out of the water you both laid down on the towel. He put his arm around you under your neck and you cuddled into his side.

“My god Guk, look at your abs!”

He blushed like crazy as you traced the muscles on his stomach.

“Stop, it tickles,” he giggled.

But you didn’t, you kept tickling him until he held you so tight you couldn’t move. He had you pinned, flipping you on your back he shook his wet hair flinging water droplets all over you. Pleased with himself he leaned in closer to you, his eyes asking for permission to kiss you. As the gap between you got narrower you could hear his name being shouted and footsteps running closer. He flopped onto his back and sighed as your roommates and friends piled on top of him.

Eating, drinking and catching up with everyone you watched each other from across the bonfire. Moving from person to person he slowly made his way back to your side.

“Welcome back,” running your hand through the back of his hair, it was now or never. 

Pulling him closer your lips finally met in the way they were destined, soft, slow and full of love. His hands instinctively moved to cup your face as the world stopped around you.

“I love you,” you whispered.

Nose to nose he smiled at you and it was the most beautiful thing you’d ever seen.

It didn’t last long, his phone started going off incessantly. The managers knew, you'd been careless, photos and videos of him from the studio had been posted online.

“I’m so sorry Jungkook, I didn’t mean for you to get in trouble.”

His eyes turned hungry as he grabbed your hand.

“Let’s get out of here, you promised I wouldn’t be going back to my hotel tonight.”

If he was going to get in trouble anyway, why stop now?  

The drive back to your place was quiet,  adrenaline and hormones flowing like electricity through you both. The time for smiling was over as the seriousness of the situation hung in the air.

It wasn’t just being in trouble or being caught, but the fact that you both knew what was going to happen when you stepped into your bedroom. One act that would change everything between you, holding the power to change the dynamic of your relationship forever.

Leading him to your room you closed the door and stood staring at him as he sat on your bed. He raked his fingers through his hair before he spoke, “I’ve never wanted anything more in my life than to be able to make love to you. BUT I also know that when I leave I’m not going to get to see you again for a very long time. Management is going to do everything to keep us apart and that won’t be fair to you. I think that maybe we should just let our happy memories of today be enough, I don’t want you to get hurt." 

Walking closer you stood between his legs and he wrapped his arms around your waist.

"The only way I can be hurt is if I never get to experience all of you. I can’t live not knowing how it feels to be totally yours if only for the night.”

He rested his head against your chest, “You’ll always be mine.”

His hands traveled to the hem of your shirt and his fingers ran over the soft skin of your stomach. Undoing the button of your jeans he slowly slid them down your legs and you stepped out of them. 

Standing up he lifted the thin fabric of your shirt over your head and you stood before him waiting as he took his off too. Unclasping your bra he sighed as he looked at you taking in your shape, his fingertips hovering over your hard nipples.

“I’ve never done this before,” he confessed.

“Me either,” you whispered, “So, I guess the bar's pretty low.”

His giggles cut the tension before he pulled you on top of him onto the bed. More relaxed he let his mouth start exploring your body. You were goosebumps and shivers beneath him as his tongue found it’s home between your legs.

He was soft and careful, placing his lips over your clit sucking it in delicately until your moans couldn’t be contained any longer. You could feel his eyes burning into you as he watched in awe as his finger slid inside you.

“It feels good Kookie, please…”

He sighed as his mouth picked up speed and another finger slid in. Moving your hips to meet his mouth you were unravelling quickly.

“The way you taste is better than anything I had imagined.”

Devouring your clit in sessions  between his words you came hard on his tongue.

“I made you so wet,” he said, impressed with himself.

Moving up to where your head lay on the pillow he pushed the dampened hair off your face, “Are you ok? Do you need anything?”

He placed his forehead against yours.

“Just you Kookie, I love you so much… I want you so badly.”

Moving slowly he lined himself up with your wet entrance.

“Tell me if you need me to stop okay?”

He pushed slowly and you could feel yourself stretching around him. He watched your face and froze when he saw the tear roll out of the corner of your eye.

“I’m so sorry, let’s stop, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

He thumbed away the tear.

“No, baby… I’m okay… I’m just so happy, so overwhelmed with how much I’m feeling right now.”

He smiled down at you, pressing his body closer as he gave another push until he was fully inside. Your bodies fell into a beautifully choreographed rhythm until Jungkook was so lost in pleasure he began to move at his own pace. Quicker and deeper he moved until he finally spilled into the condom. 

You kissed, and kissed, and kissed until you fell asleep wrapped around each other.

Every few hours he’d wake you up, checking to make sure it wasn’t a dream, you'd made love each time, everytime better than the last.

It was 9 am when he caressed you awake once more.

“I have to leave soon. I don’t want to,” he spoke nestled into your neck just under your ear, “Please tell me to stay.”

Your heart broke at his words, “If I ask you to stay, I’m selfish, you’ll always wonder if you made the right decision. If I tell you to go, your dreams come true… ” your voice trailed off...

“And I’ll always wonder if I made the right decision,” he finished. 

Your phone started ringing and you knew time was up.

It was Joon, “I’m outside, sorry, I held them off as long as I could. I told them I’d come get him so you could at least have time to say goodbye.”

Your tears fell out in heavy ugly sobs, “Okay, five minutes… and Joon… thanks, I know you’re probably in trouble too.”

Hanging up you turned back, Jungkook was already out of bed with his clothes thrown on. He stood with open arms waiting, 

"Thank you for yesterday.“

Laying your head against his chest you took a moment to listen to his heartbeat. You could hear him sniffle, and knew he was crying.

You flashed back remembering that night long ago when he came to you homesick, holding you so he could sleep while he tried to hide his tears. There was a knock at the door and Namjoon’s voice broke through the moment.

"We’ve got to go Jungkook.”

Stepping away you’d left his shirt soaked in tears, handing him his sweater he pushed it back towards you, “You keep it.”

He kissed you one last time and turned the handle opening it to reveal Namjoon. His Hyung put his arm around his shoulder and led him to the car.

Turning one more time his eyes were filled with tears and he gave a small wave before getting in the back of the big black sedan. 

For months you pretended that management was the only thing keeping you apart.

You held onto your silly notions until May when they were coming for the Billboard awards. For weeks leading up you waited for a message, a secret meeting arrangement, but you got nothing. His image was all over the TV and his voice echoed through you empty heart and then he was gone again. 

Now, here you stood in your kitchen, his letter bringing him to the forefront of your mind,  opening old wounds.

He was just as sad as you but what could you do? Picking up a pen you began writing… 

I shouldn’t have done it but I read it in your letter

You said to a friend that you wish you were doing better

I wanted to reach out but I never said a thing

You don’t ever have to be stronger than you really are

And honey, you don’t ever have to act cooler than you think you should

You’re brighter than the brightest stars

You’re scared to win, scared to lose

I’ve heard the war was over if you really choose

The one in and around you

You hate the heat, you got the blues

You’re changing like the weather, oh, that’s so like you

I’ll pick you up

I’ll catch you on the flipside

If you come back to California

We’ll do whatever you want, travel wherever, how far

We’ll hit up all the old places

We’ll have a party, we can dance till dawn… 

Y/N

October came and a chill was in the air, the smell of winter hit your nose and you stopped to take it in.

Bundled in Jungkook’s hoodie you threw your bag over your shoulder and began your walk to work. Movement had hired you on for a new intensive program and today you were going to meet your students.

So many memories flooded your mind as you made your way through the familiar neighborhood. It still hurt but things were beginning to feel happy again. Writing the letter had given you closure, he knew how you felt and beyond that there was nothing else you could do.

Opening the heavy door to the studio you caught a familiar reflection moving in the mirror writing something on the glass, It couldn’t be?

Hearing the door click back into place he turned to face you,

“Hi.”

He walked towards you slowly, unsure of what your reaction would be, he approached with caution.

“Hi.”

You were breathless, in the months of not seeing him he’d grown more handsome.

“I can’t change what happened… and for the rest of my life I’ll be sorry for all of the time we missed.”

He was getting closer.

“But I can’t take another day not knowing if I can fix this… somehow…”

He reached for your hand but you pulled it away. His head fell in disappointment.

“Jungkook, I can’t listen to this… look at me.”

Reaching for his chin you pulled his head up until he was facing you again.

“I refuse to listen to you apologize for something that was out of your control. Your life was decided before you met me and I can only be grateful that I got to appear in some part of your story.”

He tilted his head and pressed a small kiss into the hand that was still holding his chin.

“God I’ve missed you” he said as he wrapped his arms tightly around your waist.

“How long are you here? I’ve got to teach class.. It’s my first day but I’d love it if we could catch up?”

He laughed at you and your knees buckled at the sound of his happiness.

Taking his chance he pressed his lips to yours and you could feel the smile forming on his face.

“I’m your private lesson Jagi, I’ve booked you for the next two weeks”

Taking a step back you had to ask, “How Jungkook? What will you be giving up?”

Pulling you back to his embrace he began to dance with you.

“There is no more giving up… on anything. Our contracts were over and I only had one thing I wouldn’t negotiate on…that’s you." 

Holding you tightly he moved you to look at the mirror.

"I wrote you something”

Please call my name one more time

I’m standing under the frozen light, 

but I’ll walk step by step towards you

Still with you

“Y/N, I promise I’ll never let you go again"

[getitinbusan]

Jungkook friends to lovers, angst and smut. Inspired by Lana Del Rey's California. Please leave feedback if you'd like more.

It was a rare rainy August day in California, the heavy drops creating a melody on the window as you put the dishes away. You were tired, lonely and the feeling you had in your gut kept nagging at you, maybe it was time to give up. Well into the second month of not making rent, it was only a matter of time before your roommates would stop exchanging house cleaning duties for money. Standing in the kitchen feeling stupid, It had taken way longer than it should have to come to the realization that in LA you were nothing, not pretty enough, rich enough, skinny enough or talented enough. 

Gathering up the mail that was strewn across the countertop, you shuffled through to sort priority. Junk mail, bills, personal… one standing out in particular. The penmanship was nice, black ink, unassuming envelope, but it was the stamp that caught your attention, it was sent from Korea. The top had already been torn, the letter having been read, was cradled back safely inside. Addressed to your roommate a frown crept onto your face, why wouldn't he write you? It was a ridiculously  hopeful notion but you widened the envelope and inhaled trying to find his fragrance, something to trigger a happy memory. How many times had you borrowed his sweater just to have his smell on your skin? Cool California nights were the best excuse to wrap yourself in his scent. You missed him, it had been a year and a half since he'd last come around.

It was too tempting to resist, your fingers pinched the paper inside of the envelope and pulled it free. 

"I'm feeling low, I don't know who I am, only who I'm supposed to be. What would life be like if I had stayed in California? We could all be roomates, hanging out and having fun, going to the beach on weekends. Does she even think about me? It sounds greedy that with how much I have right now, it's not enough, I would give anything to wake up everyday in bed beside her. I want more than anything to be able to talk to her about these things but I can't, I made the mistake of trading her for fame and now I'm destined to keep her at an arm's length so she'll never know the price I paid. How does she even see me now?  Just an Idol? Has she forgotten the days we spent together? I've been wrestling with myself, whoever that is. I wish I could be the teenage boy from that long ago summer again. I wrote this song thinking about it…"

~When I see you smile in the screen

You're good at everything

You're just perfect

Feels like I've never been you

Do you even see me?

Do you know who I am?

Or how do I look now?

You don't like me like that

I want to be your decalcomania~

"I'm afraid I may not get back for a while,  please write. Your friendship and thoughts of Y/N are the only things that are keeping me tethered to some semblance of reality."

JK

Clutching the letter to your chest your mind took you back to that day. "Decalcomania, the art or process of transferring pictures and designs. Making a copy of the original on a different medium"  You'd both laughed at the strange name, reading the description of the art on the museum wall during your visit so long ago.  

California had lured you into its promise when you'd just turned 14. Having been accepted to The Movement Lifestyle Studios intensive dance program in LA you left all your friends for the summer. You were going to be discovered! It was July and it was hot, the dancers stepping off the bus one at a time to take their places in the studio. Looking around there were so many older kids, you were probably one of the youngest. They called out names and put you into groups, it appeared to be by age and you made your way to the tiny gathering of four. Shy introductions were made as one more member was ushered over to where you had congregated, "This is Jungkook." He had the cutest smile and barely spoke english but his eyes twinkled like the constellations.

Immediately drawn to each other you became fast friends. Absolutely exhausted at the end of the first few days he'd knocked at your door. He was homesick and lonely, used to being surrounded by his six members and he couldn't sleep well without someone beside him. You let him crawl into bed with you, you were 14 and it was innocent.  Inseparable, days were spent side by side and the others referred to you as the twins. It was the best summer of your life. Promising through tears to keep in touch and stay friends you went your separate ways. 

Jungkook would send silly videos of his practice sessions, goofing around with the other members.  He'd facetime and text but he always loved to send handwritten letters. They lived in a box under your bed and contained stories of how hard he was working to become an idol. He always signed off with an I miss you and a few lines of lyrics he'd written. You didn't know then how important they would become, the only tangible piece of him you could still hold on to.  

Whenever he came back to America you did everything you could to see him. You went to the small tour stops when they came through in 2015, KCon in 2016, but 2017 was different. Facetiming you with the news that they were bringing the Wings tour to NY, Chicago and Anaheim, he asked if you'd be part of the dance crew. How could you turn down two weeks with Jungkook? They were getting bigger, more popular and their lives were changing. 

Jungkook would sneak you into his hotel room so you could spend the nights catching up. He had rules, the fans came first and girls were 

not allowed. Even though it was just friendship it could be easily misconstrued, everything had to be done in secret. The boys would bring in food and cover for him while you both stayed locked away out of sight. While you were happy to be with him, you could tell there was an underlying sadness he was holding on to. "I wish I could go and explore the city with you, like we used to," his voice trailed off. You were laying in each other's arms cuddling on his bed.  Leaning over he kissed the top of your head, "All I wanted was to take you on a proper date. I've been waiting so long to become someone, to become a man worthy of your affection. Now I'm stuck, I have everything and I'm not allowed to share it with you." His arms gripped you tighter, "I'm sorry, this is a terrible confession. I don't expect you to love me back, not under these circumstances, I just need you to know, you're the only girl I've ever loved and there won't be anybody else, ever." 

You remembered every word of his confession,  every moment of that last night in the hotel room. The words of a 19 year old boy whose life had become bigger than the feelings of two people. He left in the morning without knowing, too afraid to tell him, you loved him too.  

LA became home right after the tour left Anaheim. Focused on dancing, if you became good enough maybe you could tour with him. A letter with a big bouquet of flowers arrived a few weeks later.  

"Congratulations on your new house in LA! I hope that all of you are getting along as roommates, it's hard living with others sometimes. Last night I dreamt that I was there with you and all our friends, we were having a party on the beach and we sat together and watched the sunset. Remember after practice we would skateboard as fast as we could to the ocean so we wouldn't miss the colors? Maybe one day my toes can feel the sand there again. I miss you, I miss me… the me I am when I get to be with you. We are coming back in November for a few days and I'm hoping I can see you, I'm lonely already.   

Jungkookie

~Won't you please stay in dreams

I can hear the sea from far away

Across the dream, over the bush

Go there where it becomes clear

Take my hands now

You are the cause of my euphoria

When I'm with you, I'm in utopia~

When The AMAs came, all of your friends in LA were involved with the awards production. Your roommates helped organize the coup to steal Jungkook away so you could take him on a real date. Having enlisted Namjoon to help, the boys would cover for his whereabouts. The day before the awards they were only scheduled for styling, as long as he wasn't late for the press rounds the next afternoon your plan could work. It was Namjoon's job to get Jungkook out of the building. Telling him to follow his lead, Joon convinced the managers that Kook must have eaten something bad for lunch and wasn't feeling well, he was whisked away to meet you at the hotels back receiving door. Sitting in the shiny red rented convertible you tossed him a pair of sunglasses, what you wouldn't give now to see that smile again. Barely giving him time to get in you'd sped away heading straight for In And Out Burger. "Jungkookie, I hope your ready for the best day of your life! We're going to eat until we explode, drink and party at the beach and then instead of returning you to your 5 star fancy hotel you're staying the night in my crappy little house with a tiny uncomfortable bed!!" He laughed, so pure and happy, thinking about it now made you sad. Was that the last time he got to be his true self, Jeong-guk the man not Jungkook the personna? 

Knowing you only had one day to give him everything, one day to show him you loved him, you tried to make the best of it. Picking up the food Jungkook held onto the red and white bags in the passenger seat, sneaking his hand in to steal fries when he thought you weren't looking. If you weren't sure you were in love with him before you you certainly were now.

Pulling up beside the tree on the beach he was stunned, "Ahhh Jagi, I can't believe you brought me here." Happy that it meant as much to him as it did to you, you both sat on the branch and ate. Two blocks from the old studio it used to be your escape, every break you'd make your way to the tree for a time alone, together. 

With the burgers done he turned to you and smiled,  it felt like he wanted to say something, cutting him short you pulled him up and back towards the car. Making your way to the Movement studio the students were starstruck when he walked in. After insisting that he teach some choreography, he reluctantly led the class. Your eyes were glued to him as he moved in front of the mirrors, no longer that awkward teenager but a full grown man mesmerizing you with every move. You were careless, It didn't take long for the photos to hit social media. Getting back to the car he stopped you before you reached for the handle. Putting his arms around you he pulled you in close, "You stink Jungkook, I think our next stop is the ocean" You remember pulling away, how stupid you were, you should have held on to him longer. Reaching into the back seat you revealed a pair of swim shorts and a towel. He looked disappointed that you kept interrupting his attempts at intimacy, but you had a plan and limited time to execute it. 

The Ocean was perfect, and the wind was warm, he came out of the change room with the shorts on but was still wearing his shirt. "Kookie, this isn't Korea, you don't have to be so modest here AND you may not believe it but when your skin is sunkissed… you look like a god." He raised his eyebrows and quickly removed the shirt at your request. Running into the water you splashed and played and he took great pleasure in picking you up and throwing you as far as he could. The sun was getting ready to set and you wanted to dry off before the cooler air set in. Leading him out of the water you both laid down on the towel. He put his arm around you under your neck and you cuddled into his side. "My god Jungkookie,  look at your abs!" He blushed like crazy as you traced the muscles on his stomach. "Stop, it tickles." he giggled. But you didn't, you kept tickling him until he held you so tight you couldn't move. He had you pinned and flipping you on your back he shook his wet hair flinging water droplets all over you. Pleased with himself he leaned in closer to you, his eyes asking for permission to kiss you. As the gap between you got narrower you could hear his name being shouted and footsteps running closer. He flopped onto his back and sighed as your roommates and friends piled on top of him. Eating, drinking and catching up with everyone you watched each other from across the bonfire. Moving from person to person he slowly made his way back to your side. "Welcome back, Kookie," running your hand through the back of his hair it was now or never.  Pulling him closer your lips finally met in the way they were destined, soft, slow and full of love. His hands instinctively moved to cup your face as the world stopped around you. "I love you," you whispered, nose to nose he smiled and it was the most beautiful thing you'd ever seen. It didn't last long, his phone started going off incessantly. The managers knew, the photos and videos from the studio had been discovered online. "I'm so sorry Kook, I didn't mean for you to get in trouble." His eyes turned hungry as he grabbed your hand. "Let's get out of here, you promised I wouldn't be going back to my hotel tonight." If he was going to get in trouble anyway, why stop now?  

The drive back to your place was quiet,  adrenaline and hormones flowing like electricity through you both. The time for smiling was over as the seriousness of the situation hung in the air. It wasn't just being in trouble or being caught, but the fact that you both knew what was going to happen when you stepped into your bedroom. One act that would change everything between you, holding the power to change the dynamic of your relationship forever. Leading him to your room you closed the door and stood staring at him as he sat on your bed. He raked his fingers through his hair before he spoke, "I've never wanted anything more in my life than to be able to make love to you. BUT I also know that when I leave I'm not going to get to see you again for a very long time. Management is going to do everything to keep us apart and that won't be fair to you. I think that maybe we should just let our happy memories of today be enough, I don't want you to get hurt." 

Walking closer you stood between his legs and he wrapped his arms around your waist. "The only way I can be hurt is if I never get to experience all of you. I can't live not knowing how it feels to be totally yours if only for the night." He rested his head against your chest, "You'll always be mine," his hands traveled to the hem of you shirt and his fingers ran over the soft skin of your stomach. Undoing the button of your jeans he slowly slid them down your legs and you stepped out of them.  Standing up he lifted the thin fabric of your shirt over your head and you stood before him waiting as he took his off too. Unclasping your bra he sighed as he looked at you taking in your shape, his fingertips hovering over your hard nipples. "I've never done this before," he confessed. "Me either," you whispered, "So, I guess the bars pretty low." His giggles cut the tension before he pulled you on top of him onto the bed. More relaxed he let his mouth start exploring your body. You were goosebumps and shivers beneath him as his tongue found it's home between your legs. He was soft and careful placing his lips over over your clit,  sucking it in delicately until your moans couldn't be contained any longer. You could feel his eyes burning into you as he watched in awe as his finger slide inside you. "It's good Kookie, please…i can take more." He sighed as his mouth picked up speed and another finger slid in slowly. Moving your hips to meet his mouth you were unravelling quickly, "The way you taste is better than anything I had imagined." Circling your clit between his words you came hard on his tongue. "I made you so wet," he said, impressed with himself. "I need to feel myself inside you." Moving up to where your head lay on the pillow he pushed your damp hair off you face, "are you ok? do you need anything?" he placed his forehead against yours. "Just you Kookie, I love you so much, please… I want you so badly." Moving slowly he lined himself up with your wet entrance. "Tell me if you need me to stop okay?" He pushed slowly and you could feel yourself stretching around him. He watched your face and froze when he saw the tear roll out of the corner of your eye. "I'm so sorry, let's stop, I didn't mean to hurt you." He thumbed away the tear, "No, baby… I'm okay… I'm just so happy, so overwhelmed with how much I'm feeling right now" he smiled down at you, pressing his body closer as he gave another push until he was fully inside you. Your bodies fell into a beautifully choreographed rhythm until Jungkook was so lost in pleasure he began to move at his own pace. Quicker and deeper he moved until he finally spilled into the condom. 

You kissed, and kissed, and kissed until you fell asleep wrapped around each other. Every few hours he'd wake you up, checking to make sure it wasn't a dream, making love each time,  harder and faster. It was 9 am when he caressed you awake once more. "I have to leave soon, I don't want to," he spoke nestled into your neck just under your ear, "Please tell me to stay." Your heart broke at his words, "If I ask you to stay, I'm selfish, you'll always wonder if you made the right decision. If I tell you to go, your dreams come true… " your voice trailed off,  "and I'll always wonder if I made the right decision," he finished. 

Your phone started ringing and you knew time was up. It was Joon, "I'm outside, sorry, I held them off as long as I could. I told them I'd come get him so you could at least have time to say goodbye." Your tears fell out in heavy ugly sobs, "Okay, five minutes… and Joon… thanks, I know you're probably in trouble too." Hanging up you turned back, Jungkook was already out of bed with his clothes thrown on. He stood with open arms waiting, 

 "Thank you for yesterday." Laying your head against his chest you took a moment to listen to his heartbeat. You could hear him sniffle, and knew he was crying. You flashed back remembering that night long ago when he came to you homesick, holding you so he could sleep while he tried to hide his tears. There was a knock at the door and

Namjoon's voice broke through the moment "We've got to go Jungkook." Stepping away you'd left his shirt soaked in tears, handing him his sweater he pushed it back towards you, "keep it." He kissed you one last time and turned the handle opening it to reveal Namjoon. His Hyung put his arm around his shoulder and led him to the car.

Turning one more time he eyes were filled with tears and he gave a small wave before getting in the back of the big black sedan. 

For months you pretended that management was the only thing keeping you apart. You held onto your silly notions until May, they were coming for the Billboard awards. For weeks leading up to them you waited for a message, a secret meeting arrangement, but you got nothing. His image was all over the TV and his voice echoed through you empty heart and then he was gone again. 

Now, here you stood in your kitchen, his letter bringing him to the forefront of your mind,  opening old wounds. He was just as sad as you but what could you do? Picking up a pen you began writing… 

I shouldn't have done it but I read it in your letter

You said to a friend that you wish you were doing better

I wanted to reach out but I never said a thing

You don't ever have to be stronger than you really are

And honey, you don't ever have to act cooler than you think you should

You're brighter than the brightest stars

You're scared to win, scared to lose

I've heard the war was over if you really choose

The one in and around you

You hate the heat, you got the blues

You're changing like the weather, oh, that's so like you

I'll pick you up

I'll catch you on the flipside

If you come back to California

We'll do whatever you want, travel wherever, how far

We'll hit up all the old places

We'll have a party, we can dance till dawn… 

October came and a chill was in the air, the smell of winter hit your nose and you stopped to take it in. Bundled in Jungkook's hoodie you threw your bag over your shoulder and began your walk to work. Movement had hired you on for a new intensive program and today you were going to meet your students. So many memories flooded your mind as you made your way through the familiar neighborhood. It still hurt but things were beginning to feel happy again. Writing the letter had given you closure, he knew how you felt and beyond that there was nothing else you could do. Opening the heavy door to the studio you caught a familiar reflection moving in the mirror writing something on the glass, It couldn't be? Hearing the door click back into place he turned to face you, "Hi." he walked towards you slowly, unsure of what your reaction would be, he approached with caution. "Hi," you were breathless, in the months of not seeing him he'd grown more handsome. "I can't change what happened… and for the rest of my life I'll be sorry for all of the time we missed." He was getting closer,  "But I can't take another day not knowing if I can fix this… somehow…" he reached for your hand. Pulling it back away his head fell in disappointment, "Jungkook, I can't listen to this… look at me," reaching for his chin you pulled his head up until he was facing you again. "I refuse to listen to you apologize for something that was out of your control. Your life was decided before you met me and I can only be grateful that I got to appear in some part of your story" he tilted his head and pressed a small kiss into the hand that was still holding his chin. "God I've missed you" he said as he wrapped his arms tightly around your waist. "How long are you here? I've got to teach class.. It's my first day but I'd love it if we could catch up?" He laughed at you and your knees buckled at the sound of his happiness. Taking his chance he pressed his lips to yours and you could feel the smile forming on his face. "I'm your private lesson Jagi, I've booked you for the next two weeks" Taking a step back you had to ask, "How Jungkook? What will you be giving up?" Pulling you back to his embrace he began to dance with you, "There is no more giving up… on anything. Our contracts were over and I only had one thing I wouldn't negotiate on…that's you." 

Holding you tightly he moved you to look at the mirror,  'I wrote you something"

The only thing I can do

In the garden

In this world

Is to bloom a pretty flower that resembles you

And to breathe as the me that you know

But I still want you

I still want you

"Y/N I promise I'll never let you go again"