#“look at this fat girl who can't accept this guy won't love her”

[capsiclesteebrogers]

the way some of you talk about penelope featherington is extremely disturbing and very telling. it reeks of fatphobia and it's clear you do not think fatphobia is "that bad" or how much it can impact someone's life.

[tricitymonsters]

How would any/all feel about a fat MC, especially one insecure about her body and reluctant to let them touch at first, since she wouldn’t believe they were actually into her? I’m on the heavier side and this game is such a good escape for me. Thank you very much! 😭

I've answered a similar ask before but i TRULY love this one because it gives me the chance to shout it out again: across the board, all the ROs are into fat MCs. Everyone moves to physical intimacy at their own pace and I think they'd be good at being insistent enough to prove that they're being honest while making sure they don't push hard enough to make MC more uncomfortable.

Akello used to be really fit but has since put on some poundage as his metabolism slows down but he's accepted his thickness as a blessing. He's well fed, strong, and comfortable with age changing his body. But also I think of all the ROs he's probably the most specifically into fat bodies- fat babes of all genders and presentations feel great in his hands, and he loves the look of a fat ass + thick thighs + belly. PLUS also Akello really likes to eat and he wants to share meals with an MC who's open to relishing the pleasures of life with a little bit of hedonism.

Amir loves Big Girls and Thems and Boys don't let his slender looks deceive you. He also has a very mild feeder kink and would insist that you look adorable when he can get you samples of luxe snacks you've never had before. He knows that a lot of people have baggage about eating and bodies but he's one of the first to INSIST all bodies are beautiful and that conventional notions of beauty are not only impossibly narrow, but also carry gross baggage deeply rooted in racist, classist, and sexist nonsense. Besides if a man who looks like Amir does can't pass the Conventionally Beautiful Margin just because he likes makeup and dresses and huge heels how good of a judge could it POSSIBLY be, obviously he is earth-shatteringly beautiful and they're just insecure haters.

Mori wants to put his grabby little goblin hands all over a fat MC please. He loves big boobs (gnc), big butts, big thighs to get crushed in. He has a little belly pooch himself because he's an irresponsible drinker and eats garbage so he's also one of the LEAST likely RO's to make judgments. He's here for a good time, not a long time, and he wants to enjoy getting physical with MC and explore whatever body they have.

Bonus Mentions:

Kazu may be an insufferable gym rat who meal preps but he also eats like a garbage disposal and food is a huge stress/comfort thing for him. As long as you feel strong and healthy in your body, that's all he cares about. Also he's an ass guy so please don't think a big ass won't get him all worked up.

Raath ESPECIALLY loves chubby/fat bodies. So much for him to grab and bite.

Marcel is kinda like Kazu in that he can be a little bit obsessed with his workout routine but Marcel's more interested in that for himself, not pushing it onto others, especially if they haven't explicitly shown interest in getting a routine of their own. Most likely to brag insufferably about his thicc mc partner as loud as he can, though.

[am30000]

42 Miles Morales x chubby female reader.

Pink is you Uncle aaron is orange and Purple is Miles

Summary: You are an obese teen girl and you met Miles, as time moved on you became friends and then his girlfriend. This is how he treats you in a relationship.

Miles is known to be stoic and rude to almost everyone, the only exceptions are his mom and his uncle. That changed when he met you. You just happened to be the new kid when he met you, the teacher introduced you and then someone straight up insulted your weight in a passive aggressive manner. While everyone laughed you laughed along with them which surprised them.

You came back with a comeback immediately which caused the person to be embarrassed and everyone to be shocked, including Miles. Miles thought you'd be like the others, all embarrassed and stuff but you quickly proved them wrong, proved him wrong. You proved that you weren't a little bitch and would fight back if irritated. This is what made Miles interested in you. You were really talkative and loved to make friends.

Everytime you'd guys had to pair up, you'd talk none stop. Eventually, you broke through Miles' tough, hard and cold exterior and became friends. Miles had soon become your bodyguard. Whenever people would insult you he would glare at them and the say something like " You wanna say that again, vato?" with a threatening aura. You'd roll your eyes and give him a look. He knows you don't like it when he protects you or whatever he calls it but he just does it anyway.

When y'all start dating everyone is surprised. They'd never thought of Miles being in a relationship because he seemed like a loner but I guess he'd prove them wrong. He'd spoil you rotten and you'd accept the gifts and get him one as well which he'd find cute but then playfully scold you because your buying him stuff and says something like " Mami, I should be the one spoiling you. Not the other way around." and you'd retort by saying " It's only fair. Plus, I won't accept the gifts you give me if I can't get something for you. Also you shouldn't be wasting your money on someone like me."

" Its my money bebe. I can do whatever I want with it. If I choose to spoil you then I will. I can't have my girl wearing clothes that I didn't buy her." " But you should spend it on someone prettier than me." "Princesa no one is prettier than you. Quien te hizo sentir así?" Miles would stare into your eyes cause he knew that if he did then you would tell him. "Everyone, I heard whispers of someone saying that I was probably just a play thing for you. Today some girls cornered me today when I was going to my locker. They said that an ugly fat girl like me shouldn't be with someone like you." Miles would immediately get angry but doesn't show it. He'd ask you to tell him who and once you did, within a week those girls didn't show up to school anymore.

Anyways, the second you begin to shame your body he'd quickly correct you saying something like " Mami your beautiful, your body is beautiful and I love both you and it." You'd get flustered and pout, still disagreeing with his claim. " Promise me not to say that about yourself." You'd promise but then secretly say it under your breath. You'd think he didn't hear but he heard every word of it. During recess he cornered you in an empty classroom. The conversation went something like this. " Didn't I tell you not to say those things about yourself? Don't lie, chica. I heard you saying that shit all day under your breath. What's up with you?"

" It's nothing babe. I think your hearing things cause I haven't said barely a word all day." " That's part of the problem chiquita. What's up with you? You've barely said a word to me and when I do hear you speak, I hear you saying all that crap about your body. Dime que pasa Carino." You knew that he'd force it out of you if you didn't tell him. " I don't know, I guess I've just been a little self conscious about my weight lately." " A little is an understatement, bebe. I told you I didn't want you to think that way. Eres perfecta tal como eres. Why can't you see that?" you'd blush and look away. " You're too sweet Miles." " I don't want you saying those things. If I catch you saying them or even hear you say that to someone then I will drag you into an empty classroom at recess and then mark my initials on your neck for everyone to see the second I'm done. Got it?" You nod and that was the end of you insulting your body in front of him.

When yall are alone Miles is touched starved. He's always had to touch you in some way. Whether his hand be on your thigh or has his arms around your waist, he'd always be touching you. You're a really good cuddler and are great at giving hugs to people who need it. When Miles gets back from whatever job he has, he calls you in the middle of the night saying he needs you. You'd have to go up to his apartment, dead ass tired, in the middle of the night, to go and see what Miles wanted. Once you got to his room he'd throw you on the bed and then collapse onto you and then hug you. You'd then understand why he called you here.

His family absolutely loves you. Rio often makes jokes about you and Miles getting married and uncle Aaron often says something like " You got a keeper Miles, Don't loose her." "I don't plan on it."

When you found out he was the prowler you weren't surprised. The conversation went something like this. " Why aren't you scared? Why aren't you surprised?" " To be honest you seem like the perfect candidate to be the prowler. Plus it explains why you got so much money to spend on me. I'm not scared because what you do as the prowler has nothing to do with me babe." " Are you gonna report me?" " Why would I? You could kill me at anytime before I got my phone out or even got to the station. But then again, you wouldn't hurt me now would you? Again, what you do in your free time isn't any of my business." " Your not mad I didn't tell you?" " No. You had your reasons to keep it from me." To say the least Miles was shocked when you showed no reaction but was happy you still loved him.

[hotchs-big-hands]

can i rant for bit cuz ugh why do all the men on dating apps suck?? i hate how some men really seem to fetishize plus size women. like when you're trying to talk with them and all they wanna talk about is sexual stuff from the get go 😡😤 like hello?!? im more than just my body?? ive never even met you dude. ive got a personality, interests, etc. like do these men think they're doing plus size women a favor by aggressively sexualizing them?

it honestly sucks so much. so in order to cope I've been fantasing about hotch 😏

like imagine dbf!hotch where he overhears you ranting about dating and the men on the apps and later tries to talk to you about it. he'd tell you that they're all boys and you need a man.after hearing how upset and objectified you feel he'd probably decide to actively pursue you. especially if you've had a will they-wont they thing going on.

i just really want him to seduce me and give me a reason to delete all my dating apps

❤️‍🔥

I'm so sorry this is so late but girlie I feel this so hard. I legit gave up on dating apps cuz it was just "let me see how big your tits are" "😜 wanna meet up and fuck?" Even if your profile says you're not looking for that, youre looking to date! I thought at one point I found someone who was chill and wanted to just go on a date but then 🧍 well, we won't get into that. All in all, ppl need to stop fucking fetishising fat ppl. It's dehumanising. Do we want to be desired sexually? Absolutely. But not just that tho. We want to be loved and accepted for who we are and how we look. I really hope that you do eventually find someone who doesn't just see you as a sex object, ❤️‍🔥 anon because you deserve it 💖💖

Dbf!Aaron Hotchner is sooooooooo🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭 OOOOOGH

He is fucking PISSED knowing you're being treated like this on dating apps. He thinks it's fucking disgusting that people see you as nothing but a fetish. He fucking adores you. He thinks you're funny, sweet, beautiful, kind and well, of course he thinks you're fucking sexy too. But knowing you're trying to deal with all this shit makes him angry.

So he does whatever he can to show that he's, first of all, into you very much so. But also that hes not after you just for "having a good fuck with a thicc girl". The thought of people treating you as less than human, just sexual organs because of your curves makes him fucking sickened. Man starts to rly make an effort to show he is interested in you. He tries even harder to make you smile and laugh, treats you to stuff, is extremely attentive if you ever vent to him. And he can see it's working, you've got a pep in your step, and you always have that adorable shy smile on your face whenever he talks to you or looks at you. Big fan of fixing a stand of your hair.

One day something changes, you come to him upset and frustrated and you show him the dating app. You vent about it to him all about the disingenuous guys on there only seeing you as a thicc chick to fuck so they can tick it off their bucket list. And so he hugs you close, kissing the top of your head and says he can't stand to see you so upset anymore. But he has something to say that could help.

You pull away, confused. And he's looking at you with so much tenderness your heart tightens. He smiles, brushing a stray tear from your cheek.

"Sweetheart, those stupid boys don't know what they're doing. They don't know how to treat a woman, how to make her feel loved and cared for and seen as more than just their body type. I... I want to know if you'll have me. Accept me to show you how you deserve to be treated."

You can barely string words together, it's cute. But he sees more tears again and he panics, thinking he's gone too far.

"I'm sorry, this was not appropriate. I-"

"Yes.. I- yes, I want you." You interrupt him. It makes him pause, staring at you for a moment as he studies your expression. You glance away, feeling shy again. "I only started using dating apps because I didn't think I'd ever get to be with you, Aaron..."

Oh, oh sweetheart. His heart is soaring and he pulls you close for a tight hug, swaying you gently.

"Sweetheart, you have me. I'm yours."

Needless to say you freed up a lotttttt of space on your phone getting rid of all the dating apps 🥰 plenty of storage for the incoming pics you and Aaron will take together from this point forward.

[theseasasleep]

Story of Kunning Palace, E05 (semi-live reaction)

Of all the ways I thought Ning would handle the proposed slander against her beloved Zhang Zhe, the way she actually handled it did not align with my imaginings in the slightest. Sometimes what plays out is really better than the fiction in your head, hee. I did not see her calling out, not the dumb fiancee but the You-daughter. Nor did I foresee her half-drowning her in a jar full of goldfish.

FIERCE

Judging by the all the clips I have gorged on, this particular love line will be quite strong and trend for a while. Sigh. A decade plus of drama watching has whittled my patience for second lead to first lead love lines to whisper-thin nub but everyone keeps commenting on how amazing Zhang Zhe is so.... I guess the wait and watch won't be too grating.

...

I'm not sure I understand.

Zhang Zhe broke or bent his principles to help her on the oath that she'd become a good person thereafter.

Sometime later, Zhang Zhe is condemned to death for this.

Did he naturally get caught? Or did she deliberately sell him out? Was it more similar to the Yan Lin situation in which her people made moves without her knowledge and when push came to shove, she didn't make the necessary moves to upend the conspiracy for the sake of remaining Empress?

Whatever the case, it's clear Ning did many terrible things - some in ignorance, some in knowledge - to accomplish everything she achieved. I think she squared most, if not all of it with herself when weighing it against the ultimate end result... until Zhang Zhe ended up on the chopping block. I don't think she would have been able to write this sin off and once one stone in her ambitious bedrock was overturned, the rest likely came apart. It's why when she knew she was going to die she wanted her death to mean something, to be a reparation of sort to the only person remaining who might accept it because he thought she was worth something, because he's that good.

...

Oh. Oh. Look at the expression on his face as he listens to the patronizing, sexist drivel:

My scrumptious proto-feminist

...

LOL, he did a dignified catwalk and every lady in the room forgot to think and breathe!

I understand, ladies, I understand.

Geez, Ning, Xie Wei had them open a window for you, and only you, so you would have fresh air and bright light, to improve your mood and chances! Not to silently accuse you of being a potential cheat!

Wow, this is all up hill climb, my guy. Get your shoes with the best tread on, Xie Wei.

I know not a drop of Chinese and even I can see that's atrocious. And what did she draw in the corner. A flower? A dancing sun? A really fat, disproportionate hand with a vestigial finger?

And she asks, did she put too much effort into [failing]? Girl. It's so obvious she'd bring out the contrarian impulses of a saint. But maybe it's worth it since we get this face:

Teacher does not approve.

What I am enjoying so much in this scene is the action and counteraction. The way they each boldly challenge the other. She sent up an exam paper so abominable as to be a mockery [of him]; he passes her. She tries to expose her "stupidity" to the rest of the class; he threatens to critique the entire class, turning everyone against her idea.

point:

Counterpoint:

Concession:

Me:

...

I'm not even touching the "dementia." Rolling my eyes and moving on.

But, but, but... How was he so spot on?! How did he guess at reincarnation?! I mean, yeah, he said he doesn't believe in the supernatural but it can't be a coincidence to the narrative that he's the first to come closest to the truth?

Xie Wei: Ning, what's your relationship with Yan Lin? I NEED TO KNOW... *whispers* for science.

Oh, your father asked me to take good care of you in the palace... Yan Lin asked me to help you... By the by, that study partner list? Yeah, another ministry generates it but ultimately it has to run by me. The moment I saw your name I marked you for the palace. After going to so much trouble, it would be stupid of me to release you from palace duties now!

Xie Wei, be like:

...

God. I Hate Ning's Mom.

[unofficial-book-of-quotes-tm]

Series 7 is done! My final thoughts as always under the keep reading.

Now, I'm going to level with you here. Series 7 has never been a favourite of mine, in fact, I used to dislike it a lot, so I put rewatching it for this blog off for quite some time. I actually can't recall how many times I've watched each series of Taskmaster at this point, but series 7 always kind of annoyed me, therefore I didn't particularly look forward to watching it. Now, let me tell you how surprised I was that I found it a lot of fun on this rewatch. I mean, it's still not in my top five, but I had a lot more fun with it than I expected to have and I'm not entirely sure why. For me, Rhod Gilbert and Kerry Godliman carried the show, and they were the contestants I enjoyed most when watching series 7.

I think Kerry is probably the perfect Taskmaster contestant. She's incredibly competitive and wants to win at all cost, but she also accepts Greg's ruling (with a little push back sometimes), doesn't throw a fucking tantrum whenever she feels treated unfairly, and doesn't overstep the line into annoying the shit out of me. And I have to agree with Greg here, her approach was rather simple most of the time (get the task, do the task, bosh) but I think that has a lot of charm, especially when contrasted with some of the overthinkers. Series 7 is one of those series where I don't care at all about Greg's scoring thus I don't mind Kerry winning the series by one point or what it was.

Now, Rhod. I honestly think he took the gig mainly to embarrass / annoy Greg, though his mission then seemed to change to either getting Alex to strip at every opportunity or to tying him up. There is something to be said about these two things and I don't know if it was a conscious decision of Rhod’s, but I’m absolutely here for it and refuse to analyse it closer.

Jessica Knappett is a bit of a wild card for me ���cos there are moments when she's utterly hilarious and she made me laugh out loud a couple of times, but that was usually accidental on her part, though there are also a fair few moments when I despaired watching her. Overall, I did enjoy her.

I think similarly about Phil Wang, though I do have to say, what the fuck had he been thinking when picking his outfit?! I won’t complain about Phil repeating his haggling joke, just as I won't complain about Rhod basically recycling his prize task entry over and over again. I thought it was funny.

Now, on to my probably most controversial take yet; I don't like James Acaster. Before I get stoned to death, I'd like to say that I don't know a lot of the guy. I've seen him like once on The Big Fat Quiz Of The Year, but I haven't watched his stand-up or listened to his podcast(s), etc, though to be fair I don't do that in general for any competitor. I just found him too… bratty (if that's the word) or too confrontational. Yes, him butting heads with Rhod is entertaining, but I think he lacked what I really appreciate about older comedians; The understanding of when to move on / let others have the joke. I know there are several ways of watching Taskmaster and everyone finds other contestants funnier or other bits of the show more important and that's all totally valid. I'm just some bloke on the internet, don’t let me tell you how you should watch / enjoy something, but personally, I find contestants who constantly seek Greg's approval and praise a bit irritating. I'm certain James is a lovely guy, but his comedy persona unfortunately doesn't work for me.

However, James’ persona allowed for really entertaining clashes with Rhod, which made the boys team a bit more fun to watch than the girls team, simply because they had conflict. But it was also nice to have a team be wholesome and just get shit done.

The prerecorded tasks in series 7 were amazing, but I do think they could've done better on the studio tasks. Some could've done with a little polish. But there were so many tasks, which I think I really would've enjoyed having a go at, chief amongst them the video game task and those where they had to figure something out guided by clues.

I don’t have to say much about Greg and Alex, only that after series 6, their interactions seemed to have cooled down in this series, but fortunately Rhod delivered. Watching Rhod watch Greg and Alex interact is fucking hilarious. That man looks like he knows something we don’t (I have no evidence to support any such claim). So, yeah, overall I enjoyed series 7 more than I expected I would, but it will never be a favourite of mine. Can’t wait to get to series 8 as I barely remember anything at all about this one. Thanks for sticking around! See you in series 8!

[i-used-to-be-an-anti-feminist]

How come women in a relationship get to change things about a guy but as soon as a guy asks a girl to change something it is suddenly offensive or attack or sexist or one of the many tags we've got..

Let's put some background to this..

It is kind of accepted that women are more into emotional attributes and men are more into physical attributes..

Most women and men would agree to this..

But here's the catch only one of the two groups gets to force the other to change things.

Almost every guy in a relationship has been asked to open up more, share more about how they're feeling, talk to the girl and such.

And am with this a 100 percent.. Most men have been raised or just intrinsically are closed off or not in touch with their feelings.. And in a relationship it is considered perfectly normal for a girl to ask men to change this about them.. As it suits the girl better.. And of course as it is better for the guy too..

Some guys comply.. Some don't.. but all this is considered perfectly normal.. no woman is demonized for asking a guy to change some of his emotional attributes.. women even congratulate each other on successfully achieving this mission.

Now let's get to the flip side.

Most men are more into physical attributes.. It is how they're built..

And I'm not saying Men are shallow.. But we would be lying if we said that we don't care about looks at all.. in fact we do care..I guess we care about physical attributes almost as much as women care about the mental ones.

But let a man ask his girlfriend or wife to lose some weight.

See what happens..

Fatphobic, body shaming, superficial, shallow pig..

Obesity is as harmful to a woman as not being emotionally open is to a man.. but hey only one gets to bully the other into changing things..

As Bill Burr had said , in a relationship women is like the perfectly completed project and the guy is like a building which has been under construction for years with scaffolding and covers all over.. We're always working on the guy..

Maybe we would work on the women too, if they didn't protest that we don't love them as they are at the slight hint of a change.

If they didn't raise a hue and cry everytime a guy suggests that some work be put in from their side.

Bottomline why are mental and physical attributes not put on the same scale. Why are we allowed to bully people into changing one but we're scrutinized for even mentioning a change in the other.

PS-I know this is a wide generalization but it isn't meant to be.. I just had to put this out because of some problem in facing in my relationship.. again don't mean to hurt anyone..

I'm not sure if you're being genuine here or not, but I'll try to give you the benefit of the doubt... If you really care about women and you can see how the things men do to grow in relationships is good for them and for the people around them, you have already answered your own question. Women obsessing over their physical attributes and things they can't actually control actively harms them and isn't really good for the people around them. There's zero real benefit to it.

You're kind of making a false equivalence by comparing emotional development to altering one's physical appearance. How do you feel about women who have the same standards of physical attraction as you? They definitely exist. What do you think about women who want to date a guy but won't because they wish he was taller? How would you feel if a woman wanted her man to wear stilts and risk bodily injury in order to please her because she's more attracted to taller men? How would you feel if a woman told you, "you have a great personality, but you're just too fat." Do you think you owe her weight loss and potential physical and emotional harm to yourself in order to please her, or would you recognize you can find someone who loves you and is attracted to you the way you are? Why don't you think women deserve the same?

If you wouldn't change anything about your physical appearance for a woman, ask yourself why that is and why you still think women should cater to you about something you are unwilling to subject your own self to. The performance of femininity is degrading. It isn't beneficial for women, and it contributes to them being seen and treated as objects and decorations. Physical appearance doesn't last, so if you want a genuine and lasting relationship, I recommend not basing your attraction on something that fades. Does she make you happy? Does she bring out the best in you? Do you have the same goals and interests? Do you enjoy your time together? Those are the things that matter when neither of you are considered conventionally attractive anymore.

I hope you continue to grow and can learn to see women as people and not decorations. Best of luck.

[honesthammie]

Prompt 39: Death wants you to be terrified. But the scariest thing is wanting death.

13th Doctor x female curvy reader

Warnings: mentions of suicidal thoughts, alcohol and drug abuse, domestic abuse, fat phobia

I'm sorry for this. Its really depressing and I've been hesitant on letting you guys see it but I kinda like how it's written. I've made the abuser gender neutral as females can also be abusive. I promise the next one will be much happier!

"Come on (y/n), you can make it! Just jump across and reach for my hand. I promise you won't fall." The Doctors voice echoes across the widening canyon. If you looked down, you would only see pitch black. You didn't know how long you'd fall. Maybe this would be the perfect time to just go for it. Its not like you'd matter, you're only slowing the team down as is.

They wouldn't even be in this mess if you didn't slip and hit the world shattering drill, turning it on full blast. Unfortunately, you smashed the button making it unable to turn it off. Of course the only way you'd be able to turn it off is to actually go towards it. Everyone in the room screamed at you and some raised their tentacles to attack you if the Doctor didn't step in front of you. You know the Doctor noticed you flinching and your eyes gloss over and noticed you bracing for the impact.

You learned over the years to just accept your fate. You can't run from anyone when you weighed this much. You couldn't hide either, which often left you to just accept what was coming and hope nothing broke. Bruises were always easy to cover and so were any cuts but broken bones, that was always on display and you'd have to break your number one rule: never lie. You hated lying. The truth always comes out anyway so why hide it? If you hide it, you get punished worse anyway so why bother?

If you jumped and actually went with the team, you'd get questioned about earlier and about hesitating at jumping. But if you fell, would the Doctor miss you? As much as you hated to admit it, you were absolutely in love with the adorable alien. Why did you hate to admit it? Because she was a goddess and you were a waste of skin and bones. You weren't skinny and you didn't fit in with the team at all. You were only here out of pity.

You remember when you first met the team. You were the only person alive when they searched underneath the hotel. Even the spiders didn't want you. You were at the hotel because you heard about killer spiders and you wanted an out. You could never do it or something would come up stopping you from ending all your misery. You were the complete opposite of the Doctor. She was so brave and said whatever she wanted and didn't really care for the consequences.

You focused on the Doctors sparkling eyes. Despite the situation, she still sparkled with hope and encouragement. She wasn't upset with you. You really wished she was. This would be such an easier decision to make. Your head was pounding and your heart was going faster than her two hearts. Did you even want her upset? You couldn't tell, your head was spinning wildly, one thought going to another without a chance to process the last one.

You had come to a clear decision. You ran back and let momentum do its thing as your feet left the muddy gravel. You felt so free as you glided in the air for a few seconds. It was the most beautiful feeling. No punishment, no tears before going to sleep and no terror of going back home. Just you and gravity.

Then with a clearer mind you regretted your choice. You were horrified. You weren't ready. It wasn't time yet. Graham can't lose you. He'd only recently lost his wife. He'd feel the same as you and that thought terrified you. He'd survived cancer and gained himself a new family. He can't be like you. Ryan needed him, wether he was willing to admit that or not.

Suddenly you panicked and last minute reached your hand out hoping you'd grab something. Anything. You felt a soft warm object and latched on for dear life. You were then lifted up and onto soil. You focused on your breathing a moment and waited for your heart to calm down. You looked up and saw what, or rather who, saved you. You shouldn't have been so surprised to see the Doctors worried face above yours. She gave you a questioning look, knowing the question, you nodded your head and she straightened herself and helped you up.

"That was great (n/n)! So brave of you! Let's go gang, we've gotta turn this drill off before it splits the planet in half!" She shouted as she ran forward, seemingly knowing the way. She didn't let go of your hand until you reached the drill about 10 minutes later. You couldn't help the blushthat formed on your cheeks. The Doctor quickly opened a panel on the side of the drill.

The drill was massive, bigger than the Eiffel Tower and that what was on surface level, it went down much deeper that it had reached halfway to the liquid nitrogen that ran in this cold planet where our magma centre would be. The drill itself was purple and spherical. The panel box was the size of a human head which was about the size of the civilisations sucker pads. Inside were 3 buttons and 1 lever. You needed to type the pattern that would gain the access to the drill and force stop. If it goes wrong, it speeds up rendering this planet uninhabitable.

You watched as the Doctor quickly typed the pattern in. Red,blue,red,red,red,blue,black,black,blue. That was the pattern she quickly pressed in and held the lever down for 10 seconds. Soon the drill came to a halt and the planet was peaceful once again. You all let out a sigh of relief as it stopped.

You made your way back to the chief of the race and explained that they should dismantle and never use that drill again unless they plan to empty the panet of everything it has within. He quickly agreed and the fam made their way back to the TARDIS.

As soon as tye TARDIS was parked on the edge of your solar system, you got into your comfy clothes ready to nap or maybe play a few games to slow your adrenaline until you were tired enough for a full nights rest. You played a few rounds of uno and some poker where you used some bits of metal instead of chips. Eventually everyone had left except you and the Doctor.

You made your way to the doors of the ship and settled down just watching the stars in front of you. If the sentient machine hadn't already been aware of your darkest thought, you would have jumped out there and been amongst them. Just floating eventually turning to nothing but bones drifting, maybe to never be found. All the sights you've seen and yet this is where you were the most impressed. This was your home, your galaxy and because of all the light pollution, you had never been fully aware of how many neighbours you had because you had been literally blind. This was only stuff captured and faked and now, it's forever in your mind.

You heard movement and a shuffle next you. You knew who it was because she was the only other person awake and you knew she was going to ask and not let it drop until you tell her truth. And you were going to give her it but that doesn't mean you were ready to do so but you had to, someone had to know. Maybe you wanted help or maybe just someone to listen and know everything making you mentally naked in front of them.

The Doctor waited a few moments. She was figuring out how to word it without sounding horrible. "Is everything alright at home?" She asked her voice laced with genuine concern. "Sorry if this sounds a bit abrupt but let me explain. You've been really weird lately. You hardly speak and when you its with as few words as possible, you keep going elsewhere mentally and Rassilion forbid anyone getting angry with you! I also noticed how you hesitated today when jumping and I saw your worry and panic when you jumped. I think I know but I can't help you if you don't at least tell me what is going on! And don't change the subject or anything, just answer me please. I lo-. I can't lose you too." Her voice raised a little as she panicked just speaking about it. Halfway through she grabbed both of your hands and continued her speech.

You looked deep into her eyes for any sign of a lie but there wasn't one. Just like at the canyon, her eyes showed nothing but love. Maybe you should tell her, just her. No Yaz, no Graham and no Ryan. Just you, The Doctor and the TARDIS. You looked away for a moment as you collected your thoughts. However, as you opened your mouth and tried to speak, you found no voice. You couldn't tell her about them. Lord knows what she's capable of. But you've been looking for an out for so damn long. Maybe this is it. She's your out, no death involved.

You walked towards a panel in the console and pushed your hands inside and focused. You focused on the worst time it happened. You concentrated on the fear and everything attached. You couldn't tell her, but you could show her. The TARDIS disappeared into the vortex but didn't seem so sure on landing. She was picking it all up, she felt everything you did and she did not like going. "Please baby girl, I need her to know. I need help but I can't tell her. She's my only out that doesn't involve death and that terrifies me! Please. I understand your hesitation but she needs to see." You spoke mentally to the sentient blue box. She made a sad sound as she gently landed in the moment.

The Doctor looked at you bewildered. Her eyes were wide and her mouth agape. You walked up to her and grabbed her hand reassuringly. You led her to the doors that separated her from your darkest secret. You took a deep breath and slowly opened the door.

You appeared to be in the basement of your house. You walked up the stairs and took her to a storage room where she could see it happen. You sat in silence for a few minutes only the sounds of breathing and your heartbeat could be heard.

You knew this day off by heart, it plagued your nightmares often. It all started to sweet and went sour so quickly. At this time you were currently on your way back from doing your weekly shop to Tescos making sure you didn't forget their vodka and gin on your way to pay. Thankfully, the shop was only 10 minuets away and you doubted that the TARDIS would make you wait longer than nessacary. Just as the Doctor opened her mouth to speak the door opened and in walked an 18 year old you.

You set the bags down and started sorting the items into their new places. The canned foods go in the cupboard and the meat goes into the fridge. There were loads of food and stuff to go through and place properly. After you placed the last can of baked beans into the cupboard, the door swung open, nearly breaking the door.

They came home from their dealers place early. They stunk of weed and alcohol and had a little white powder around their nose. They looked like they had a good time until they had to come home. It was their dealers birthday so he was having a brothel themed party meaning there were strippers, pole dancers and prostitutes as well. The dealer was a rich guy who practically ran this city. The cops couldn't do anything as he could always bail himself out of jail.

They looked you in your comfy clothes and scoffed. They looked angry. "Why aren't you in your normal clothes babes? I thought I told you to throw away all of that shit. Come on now. Don't tell me I wasted all my well earned money on those clothes I specifically chose for you?"

You shuddered, both in the past and now except now they only made bile rise into your throat. You were so young and vulnerable. Now you know better.

The past you quickly scampered off to get changed. After only 5 minutes you reappeared in what was sexy school girl. The blue miniskirt covered less than most underwear so you were forced to wear a thong. The shirt was a bralet that barely covered your nipples. Your hair was in pigtails and you wore thigh highs. The sight made you silently sick in your mouth. You looked pathetic and weak.

You looked at them expectingly. You were waiting for your next order from them. They seemed to drool at the sight of you. "That's better babes. Why didn't you go shopping like that? Show the world your fat ugly figure? I want you to walk out there and see that no one else wants you but here I am, loving you. I am the only one who will ever like you in the way we have now. Your lucky I've had some fun tonight. All I want is my vodka and a new blunt darling"

You quickly went and grabbed their stuff and walked towards them as they settled in front of the TV. They turned the TV on and put Love Island on. How you hated that show. It made you feel bad for being the size you are. The women on there were beautiful but you also knew that, that kind of beauty costs money. So while your partner had fun watching the show for the romance, you watched it to spot what part of them was bought and what was real. Almost all the women had fake teeth and breasts. You hated how your partner would make snide comments on how they looked compared to you.

"You should be looking like Becky ya know. Beautiful teeth, big perky tits and a fucking great ass. What do you have? Flabs!" And there was the first comment of the day. The first of 30, you counted.

"Yeah well you are fucking broke so I can't look like fucking fake ass Becky or the others!" You thought. Then the Doctor gave you a look of shock and pity and then you realised you said that aloud. Not loud enough for them to hear you but enough for the Doctor.

"Make yourself fucking useful and make me some dinner. I fancy a steak and chips." They ordered as you got up and waddled over to the kitchen. A few minutes in you realised you put too much oil in the pan for the steak but the steak was already in and cooking quick. So quick that it started to smoke just a little bit. You tried blowing it away from them before they realised that you fucked up their dinner but ut was too late. They were already on their feet a marching towards you.

"I'm so sorry. I accidentally poured too much oil in. I'm so sorry. I have a spare steak, you can have my meal for tonight, I could do with skipping a meal anyways, helps me lose weight!" Past you was panicked and present you wasn't much better. Even though you were safe from them, they still made you uneasy. If you were to ever see them again, you'd freeze. They made your blood run cold. Even their voice sent unpleasant shivers down your spine.

"You better make me another steak but I still have to punish you. You fucked up, a lesson needs to be learnt." They said scarily politely. They grabbed your left arm and marched you towards the sink. They also grabbed the burning pan and pinned you so you had no escape as they poured the boiling oil onto your skin. You knew not to scream do you bit into your other arm knowing a bite out of it is better than causing more punishments for screaming.

When they were done left to watch the TV and you knew what that meant. You had to cook the spare steak and make there meal before you can get proper treatment at the hospital. Through your tears of agony, you quickly ran your burnt and bleeding arm under the cold water of the sink. You bit deeper into your other arm and tasting blood, but thay didn't stop you until the left one had cooled down. Then you got an old shirt, ripped 2 pieces of fabric off and wrapped them around both arm Injuries. You then continued their meal.

Once they had the meal they kicked you and punched you in the stomach because the chips were slightly cold and then they drove you to the hospital as they promised. When you had left you didn't realise you had been crying until a drop fell on your arm. You walked out of the storage room and sat on the sofa, turning the TV off.

The Doctor looked shocked for a moment before walking over and kneeling in front of you. The Doctor went silent for a moment. Before she could speak, you decided to speak first.

"I couldn't tell you because I couldn't think if a nice way of telling you. I didn't want to appear weak to you." You cried as your voice cracked in the middle due to the tears and the strain. The Doctor looked at you in pity and disappointment.

"This does not make you weak. Being abused does not make you weak. Because being abused is like being tortured by someone who supposed to love you and cherish you. They are meant to protect you from danger not be the danger. I would never hurt you. I know that I put you in risky situations but believe me, I would never intentionally put you in danger. You mean too much to me" The Doctor softly spoke with tears making a little river down her soft cheeks and onto your black carpet below.

"Before I met them, I was like you or Yaz. I was so happy at everything. Very little could bring me down. But I met them and started dating them and suddenly, my world of sunshine faded to grey. There was no light. I wanted to die Doctor. When you found me at that spider hotel, I wanted to be free from them as I couldn't do it. I can't because they'd kill me. I don't want to be alive whilst I'm with them. I have so many scars from either them or me trying to end my own life and that the scariest thing. Death wants us to be terrified but wanting to die is so much more terrifying Doctor, I know that." You cried as you emptied all you could to her. The Doctor was silent for a moment, taking in everything you said. Waves of emotion flashed through her, anger, sadness, pity and something you couldn't quite place.

"You said wanted. That's past tense. You said wanted to die. What changed? What made you want to live?"

"You did. You saved me from the spiders. You gave me a temporary out of the relationship for a while. You made me smile for the first time in 3 years! You made me laugh. The world of grey is now full of sunshine and rainbows Doctor. You also saved me today. When I jumped across that canyon, I jumped to end my life. I made a mistake that nearly ended a planet! If I wasn't so fat and clumsy maybe i-"

"Don't you dare say that! You are not fat (n/n). Yes you have more plush to your body but you are not fat. I hate that word. Its such a nasty word. You are gorgeous, amazing and so brilliant. You can't see what I see and I really wished you could for just one moment. You are worthy of being loved and cared for. You are precious, rare, one of a kind. I've never met anyone like you. There's always some skinny, fake bodied and caked up women but there's no one with as much natural beauty as you! Let's get back to the TARDIS and we'll talk more when looking at the stars because I can see that being here isn't doing you any favours" The Doctor spoke with such passion that you started to believe that her words held more than those of a supporting friend would.

Once the TARDIS was parked in the Milky Way you settled by the door once again and found yourself accompanied by the sweet alien. You both sat there for a moment just content with wrapping your heads around what's just happened. You looked over to the blonde and noticed how the stars made her glow in such an ethereal way that you felt almost compelled to worship her. Maybe you should after everything she's done for you. Her eyes sparkled with si many emotions from the past senario.

"Are you still with them?"

"Why do you think I never left this place? I mean even if could, I wouldn't want to but it's mainly because if I go back home, I'll come back with more injuries. I feel safer with you. You are my sunshine and rainbows and they are my storm clouds. Whilst I'm here, I'm alive and mostly unbroken. Whilst I'm there, I'm as alive as a puppet and severely broken. I can't leave, not on my own anyway."

The Doctor looked at you in thought. "The starlight compliments you. You look so pretty and almost angelic. I just wish they never hurt my angel. My innocent angel had broken wings and I'm going to fix what the Devil broke, I promise. Just hold on, I'm going to take us somewhere."

You held the nearest crystal as the TARDIS transported you somewhere but it seemed like the sentient machine was determined to take you there as quick as she could. As you opened the doors you noticed a familiar smell of weed mixed with alcohol. You heard the familiar tune of Love Island and knew exactly where you were. You were home. The Doctor saw your hesitation and whispered softly, "I want you to pack everything you want. I've written a note for them to find. I'm going to put it on the bed. If they notice you scream for me and I'll be there. They will not hurt you much, hopefully not at all. I just need to do something in the TARDIS before I help you." She turned and left into the TARDIS and disappeared down a corridor.

The atmosphere sent chills down your spine and you were frozen. The TARDIS seemed to notice and words of encouragement were sent into your head which helped you move towards your bedroom. You quickly buy quietly opend your suitcase and started to fill it with clothing and hygiene products. As you entered the bathroom a bottle of their shampoo fell into the tub giving you away. You knew you only had so long before they came in and hurt you so you closed the door and barricaded it with whatever you could.

As you pushed the last cabinet to the pile they roared through the wooden door. "Let me in you fat dumb bitch. You've been gone for 3 weeks and you've got some balls coming back! You're lucky I haven't burned all your shit! Where have you been?"

Your heart ran at an extremely fast pace nd you knew only one person could help you now. And so you screamed her name so loud it hurt your throat bit that didn't stop you. You screamed until you heard talking. You couldn't understand what was said but suddenly a thud was heard and then silence.

"Hey Starlight! It's only me. I've taken care of them. They're not dead but in a venishion aikido. They can't move, they're paralysed. You can come out and finish packing"

You moved everything out of the door and opened it to a view you expected. The Doctor with 2 fingers to their pulse point on their neck. The Doctor smiled at when they saw you. You finished packing and zipped the bag up. Then Yaz walked in with her police uniform on and arrested them for domestic violence and many other things. Now you understood why The Doctor left, it was to get Yaz as a back up option to completely take them out of your life.

The Doctor helped open doors for you as you got your room and you set the suitcase to one side to empty another day. You both sat down on your bed. The sound was filled with nothing but 2 lifeforms breathing and the TARDIS faint buzzing. You two stayed like this, staring into each other, trying to read the others emotions. But we all know what The Doctor is like, she can't stay silent for long.

"I had to save you because as long as you were with them, you weren't ever going to be truly happy. I didn't want my big bright star to turn into a black hole, I wanted her to be a supernova. My Starlight deserves to be happy."

"You keep saying my Doctor. And you asked if I was still with them and then when I basically said yes, you quickly, as in a rush, sent us home so I could leave them. You keep saying all these things about me. You held my hand from the canyon to the drill. You are always the first to check on me and you always make sure I'm OK first even if I'm the farthest person from you! Doctor, be honest, I don't want any more bullshit. Doctor why?" You spoke softly but with determination. The Doctor blushed and shifted her gaze to the stars and quietly gulped. She knew this day would come. The day her secret was revealed. And she dreaded her answer and she dreaded your reaction. And whilst she figured out what to say, you already knew the answer.

You gently grabbed her chin and made her look at you. Once her gaze caught yours, you smiled and placed your lips to her soft ones. Quickly she caught up and kissed you back with all the love and passion she could muster. She wanted to relay that she did love you and that she would do exactly as she said earlier, she would cherish you.

As for you, you smiled. You finally had an out that didn't end in death but instead ended with the same love that you yearned for, for years.

[elles-writing]

Flowers for a girl

A/N: This still comes back sometimes, so I thought why not to write it down, though I don't exactly remember some parts of it for some reason (is it ptsd? idk), but in Middle-Earth AU, Kili is little younger (12-13 in human years, in TH he'd be like 16-17 i guess. Reader is 10-11 years old) and it happens before TH events. It's something different than I usually write, because it's based off on my personal experiences, so...yeah.

I wanted to write it down mainly for myself, to accept my past. If this is happening to you, please seek for help!! Better be safe than sorry. If you'd needed to, my ask box and messages are open, if you need to talk.

Warnings/triggers: description of emotional and physical bullying, body shaming, very low self esteem of reader, hints of swearing, eating disorder thoughts, mention of catcalling

If any of these is triggering you, please don't read this story!! Even if there is fluff, there are still these.

"Look at that fatty," one of the boys laughed into her direction. Y/n felt tears swelling in her eyes.

Don't cry, don't cry.

"How much do you weight? I bet as much as a pig!"

"You are so ugly and fat!" The other one said and pushed her. Y/n tried to do anything, but she was too scared.

"No, give it back, that's mine!" She said, when the boys took her sketchbook.

"Look at those drawings, they're like so bad," one of them pointed at them.

"Give it to me back!" She tried to grab him, but he put his arm up.

Don't cry, please, don't cry, not now...

"Ah, then come and get it!" He runned away, and Elle tried to catch him, but he was quicker.

"Ha! You out of breath already, you ugly fat pig? C'mon, come for it!" Him and other boys laughed. Y/N tried to catch his shirt, but he was running and jumping around.

"Look at how she jumps, look at her! It's like pudding!" They laughed. Y/N felt tears to come up into her eyes.

Don't cry, not now, you can't...

"Look, she's gonna cry!" You looked away, blinking furiously.

You can't cry in front of them.

"Leave her alone!" A voice came from behind the boys. They all looked back at him.

Y/N couldn't see him, she was shorter than them, and they were around her in a circle.

"Or what?" Said one.

"Look, the fatty got a boyfriend, eww!" One of the boys, and Y/N wanted to hide somewhere. She felt scared, shameful, and embarrassed.

Who would have ever loved her?

"Look, she's not speaking," they pushed her and Elle let out a surprised gasp as she fell to the ground.

"I'm saying it again, leave her alone," the other boy said. She looked around, and noticed him looking at her. She blushed, and looked away. He was handsome.

She knew she will hear about it later.

"Or what? What are you?"

"I'm Kili, from the line of Durin, and I would suggest you to get out, if you don't want me to kill you," he growled out, and Y/N felt fear rising in her. Would he hurt her?

Kili pointed the tip of one of his daggers to the main boy's throat, who then quickly took his friends and went away. They even threw her her sketchbook back.

"Did they hurt you?" Kili asked, then looked down at her for the first time.

She refused to look at him at first, but then she did. She was scared, and reminded Kili of a bunny.

She could be around ten years old. She was a human, he guessed, based on her ears.

"No, I'm...I'm okay," Y/N whispered and looked away.

"Thank you," she muttered.

"What happened? Why did they followed you?" Y/N looked down in her lap.

"I was drawing and reading here. I think they seen me, and went after me...it's been my safe place," You whispered.

"I can stay with you, in case they would come back," Kili offered before he thought of it. At this point, he was sitting down next to her.

"I-I don't know. They would laugh at both of us..." she said quietly, fearing of a wave of laugh. Kili furrowed his brows.

"How long has this been happening to you?"

"For over a year..." you said.

"I'm Y/n," she said a little awkwardly.

"I'm Kili," Kili introduced himself, remembering how his mother taught him to introduce himself.

"So that's decided, I'm staying with you," he said, and muttered some curses in Khuzdul, as he thought about the group.

"H-here, take my coat. It's getting cold," he said. She smiled nervously.

"Don't worry, I won't let them hurt you anymore," He offered her a smile, and she decided to take his offer, though she hoped he won't comment on her warming up face, or her body. She liked him, he was not just handsome, but actually kind to her.

It has never happened to her ever before, with a guy, who was a stranger...

The coat was big on her (that was a huge relief) and she cuddled into it.

"So, what are we going to do now?"

"Well, I-" Y/N didn't finished her sentence, because the first drop fell on her head, and other quickly started following. She gasped and quickly put her belongings to her bag. As she finished, it was raining heavily now. Her hair was soaking wet, sticking to her head.

Now he will see how I'm ugly, and laugh at me and call me names, and- she wanted to cry. Kili noticed her expression.

"So they did hurt you? Where is it?" Y/n shook her head, as they walked in the heavy rain.

"N-no, I just...I hope the sketchbook didn't got wet," she decided for the safer version.

"But you got wet. Where do you live?"

"Well...around twenty minutes of walk," Y/N said, so if anything, he wouldn't try to find her, though she was kind. But just to be safe.

"I'll take you home with me, it's not that far," Kili offered, and you quickly turned to him. He was kind, but her parents warned her about going somewhere with strangers.

"I-I think it's okay, thank you for your offer,"

"You are going to get wet to bone if you keep walking," Kili said and Y/N looked at him, but quickly looked away. The rain sticked Kili's hair and clothes to his body, and she blushed.

He surely has a girlfriend, don't be stupid, she snapped at herself.

He would never want to be with you, you are a child, and he is older. And he is super kind and handsome.

"Alright, then...I will go with you," you said unsurely. She thought she would think of something, if anything would go wrong. Plus, he was a prince. Y/N doubted he would do anything like this, if he was a prince.

"Amad, I'm home!" Kili said as he closed the door behind him. Y/N curiously looked around. It was a nice small house, with the smell of bread hanging in the air.

"Come with me," Kili said, and as Y/N was about to make a step, she noticed the puddle, and how she was soaked.

Before Y/N knew it, she was sitting in clean dry clothes, borrowed from Kili, wrapped in sweater and a blanket, sipping on warm tea.

"Kili, who is this?" Dis asked her son quietly. Kili looked at the human girl.

"Well, some boys called her names, so I went there, and then started raining, so I told her to come with me, because she told me she lives futher away, and she was soaking wet already..." Dis nodded, though she eyed her son, if he wasn't hiding anything.

"Where do you live, dearie?" Dis asked the little girl, who shyly looked around.

"I live near that small forest, my family owns multiple fields, and we work there," she admitted to the woman, who introduced herself as Dis.

"Would you like to have anything else to eat?" She offered her. Y/N shook her head. She didn't wanted to embarrass herself, and look like all she could do was to eat.

"No, thank you for your offer," she smiled, and carefully sipped on her tea.

The rain stopped, and Dis went with the girl where she lived, to explain what happened, and make sure she was safe.

Kili didn't seen the girl for next couple days, but when he was on the hunt in the forests, he overheard a conversation.

"He was cute, brown eyes and he was kind to me," Smile stretched across his lips, as he recognized that voice. He wasn't considered as too attractive among his kin, but hearing this made his heart warm up.

"Blue eyes are prettier, aren't they?" a voice of another girl said. Y/N was quiet.

"Well, they just are. Brown eyes aren't that pretty," the girl said.

"Don't you think so?" She turned to Y/N.

"W-well, um, depends on a person, I think?" The other girl got up.

"They are prettier." Kili could clearly see how Y/N looked down, and she seemed to feel sad.

He walked away, with thoughts of Y/N in his head, when he suddenly overheard some voices in the distance.

"Do you think we will find the pig today?"

"Probably. Her and her ugly drawings."

"It's not just her drawings who is ugly," the boys laughed.

"Do you remember her? 'Don't do that,' and then she went and started swearing back at us,"

"We are going to get her back, don't worry. She's slow runner, what about if we would take her things and made her run around? She would lose some weight at least."

"Great idea," other boys said. Kili felt his blood boiling.

How dare they to talk about her this way?

As the boys walked along, Kili prepared to scare them a little, but then he overheard another things.

"The guy who protected her, he has horrible taste in girls."

"Yeah, what a jerk. And those eyes the small fat pig made on him," one of them widely opened his eyes and wildly started blinking. The other boys were laughing.

Kili gripped his bow. He didn't knew the girl too much, but nobody deserved to be treated this way.

His arrows found their target quickly. The boys stopped, and looked around. Kili noticed they were really afraid, and smirked to himself.

When he came back home with two rabbits, he decided to go look around again. The sun was still not setting, so he still had some time.

His thoughts took him far away, and he didn't noticed he stepped on something, that felt like a pencil. He looked down, and realized it was a few pencils, hidden in grass, and when he looked around, he noticed sketchbook, hidden in old willow. If he wouldn't know what to look for, or didn't had as swift eyes, he wouldn't ever notice it.

He took the sketchbook out. It was familiar, and though he felt a little guilty, his curiousity was stronger.

He noticed a few sketches of trees, flowers and attempts of drawing people. They all were made with precision. They were not as realistic, but that certainly didn't mean they were not nice. It was drawn by someone, who was still learning, but truly excited about it.

Kili put it back carefully, and got back home.

It's been a few weeks, when he met the girl again. He came home with Fili from sword training, and his eyes widened when he noticed Dis with Y/N, chatting in the kitchen.

"Hi," she greeted them shyly.

"We have first strawberries, so I thought I would bring some for you," she shyly looked at Kili.

-

"Stop it," you muttered. Kili rose his brow.

"Oh, what is it?" He looked her into face, and noticed her shy smile, while he was grinning.

"You made me obsessed with these strawberry cakes your grandma bakes, can I have another one?" He made puppy eyes. Y/N sighed.

"Fine. But don't distract me, okay?" Y/N handed him the sweet pastry, and Kili winked at her.

"You're the best," He kissed her cheek quicker, than he thought of it. They both deeply blushed.

"Um, thank you, I suppose," Y/N muttered, and looked back into her sketchbook.

Meantime, when Kili chewed on his cake, Fili came back from his and Kili's room, and started reading a book. He started laughing, and Kili quickly took a look what was his brother laughing about.

"C'me read this, Y/N, this is so funny!" He said, but his smile froze, as he noticed her ashamed expression.

"What happened, Bunnie?" He used the nickname he gave her, because she loved bunnies. Y/N sighed.

"Well, um...it's embarrassing," she whispered.

"Neither of us will laugh at you, I promise," Fili said, and the girl looked at both of them. She took a deep breath.

"Icannotread," she muttered, and quickly looked away.

"You can't...read?" Y/N nodded shamefuly.

"It's, um...the school is too far for me to go  alone there, so, um...yeah." The brothers shared a look, which Y/N took in different meaning. She felt tears in her eyes, but Fili was quick enough to notice.

"No, we won't laugh at you, Y/N!" He said and pulled the girl into a bear hug. Kili quickly joined.

"Yeah, Bunnie, don't worry. We would never laugh at you," Y/N relaxed in the hug.

"Thank you," she muttered, and hugged them back.

They spend rest of the day by teaching her how to read, and write. Soon after, Y/N started studying with the brothers.

-

"You are distracting me," Y/N muttered, as Kili was kicking his legs back and forth. It was summer - over four months after they met. Y/N sat up on the tree, and Kili was sitting down on branch a little lower.

"How can be that possible?" He looked at her innocently. Y/N blushed, when she seen his big brown eyes in sunlight. They were in shades of melted gold and caramel.

"The tree is shaking, and I want to enjoy reading this book without distractions."

"I'm not a distraction!" Kili pouted.

"You are," Y/N offered him a smile, and got back to her book. Kili pouted a little more.

"Will you read it to me, then?" Y/N looked at him, and dramatically sighed.

"Fine. But let's sit down on the ground," Kili got down, and then he carefully placed his hands around her waist, Y/N placed her hands on his shoulders for support, and he put her down.

Y/N sat down, her back leaning against the tree, and Kili placed his head on her lap. Y/N smoothed her skirt and placed her book next to her, so she could read it, while playing with Kili's hair.

Y/N was the only one allowed to touch Kili's hair, aside from Kili's family. She never understood why dwarves were such touchy about their hair, but again, she was the same way, so she fully respected it.

Kili fell asleep after a while, on the sound of her voice.

-

"You the last cake I said was mine!" Y/N growled out and Kili laughed, but he quickly stopped laughing.

After the months of spending time together, running around the fields and archery lessons, she got much stronger, so her punches had strength and would hurt. Kili and Fili would never hit or fight with a girl, and though Y/N became like another part of the family, only tickle fights were allowed with her.

"You-you Kili!" Y/N was more upset than angry, and Kili started laughing again, as he was jumping around and trying to get away from her punches.

"Stop, Bunnie," and tickled her.

"N-NO-T T-HAT P-PLAC-E, K-KI-LI!" Kili grinned.

"Awn, who is ticklish?"

"I ha-te you!" Y/N slid her hand across the back of his neck, and Kili let out a squeal.

"N-NOO!" You giggled as you started tickling him.

"Gotcha," You sticked out your tongue on him, and quickly runned away to hide, before he would get you back.

You runned, but didn't noticed when you bumped into someone.

"Aah, long time no see," a voice said, and you shivered.

"You squeled on us, huh? Is that everything you can do? You loser," the boy said. Y/N kept quiet, with her head down.

"Oh, look guys, she's going to cry! What are you gonna do? Run to your mommy, or your friends? Go on, you tettle-tale." Elle felt tears in her eyes, and quickly looked up.

"I'm not a tettle-tell, I-"

"That's what you say, and then you will go and tell your mommy about 'the big boys are bullying you'," they laughed. Elle wished she could hide somewhere, and try to cry. She wasn't able to cry, even when she was alone, as she learned to hide her tears.

Whoosh

And then a yelp from the boys.

Y/N looked up and noticed the arrow in one of the surrounding trees. It was Kili's arrow.

"You told someone to spy?! You will pay for this later," one of the boys said, and then another two arrows pierced through the air. The boys quickly walked away, leaving her alone.

Kili runned out from behind the trees, and pulled her close to his chest. He started saying something angrily in Khuzdul, and Y/N was sure those were swear words.

"Shh, it's okay, I'm here," Kili whispered, when he finished his quick session of swear words. Y/N shook in his embrace.

"Let's go home," he said. They picked up his arrows, and went home.

Kili made Y/N tea and gave her his favourite sweater, which also happened to be her favourite as well.

When Y/N went to sleep, Kili checked her every few minutes. He felt guilty. He should've protected her better, stay with her.

He carefully sat to the edge of the bed, and slid his thumb softly over her cheek.

"I will make sure they get what they deserve," he muttered and softly caressed her cheek.

-

"Sure, I will go with Bella and Alia, you don't need to worry about me, I will be safe," Elle gave Kili a smile. Her two friends from her neighbourhood, with who she enjoyed to spend time too.

"I just don't want you to get hurt," he shrugged, and sharpened his dagger. Y/N started on brushing her hair.

"The boys won't do anything, if they meet us in a group. Plus Fili gave me that sharp dagger for my fourteenth birthday, I always keep in my shoe."

Kili looked at his friend, focused on brushing out the knots in her hair. Y/N grew up and changed the way she reacted to what other people told her. But that wasn't just what changed.

She grew up into a young woman. She was beautiful, and some girls were jealous of her because of it, but luckily, Y/N had great friends.

"You home, sleeping beauty?"

"Oh, of course I am!" Kili grinned as he heard Bella's voice.

"No, you are snoring beauty."

"That's Fili!"

"That's both of you," Y/N rolled her eyes, but chuckled. She and Kili said their goodbyes to each other, and her friends she knew for three and two years, turned to her.

"So, how was your date?" Y/N blushed.

"He gave me flowers for my birthday, so what? That's what friends do." Y/N turned to Alia to change the topic.

"How about you and girls?" The blonde rolled her eyes.

"Some of them are arrogant, but other than that it's good. But I have you, so I don't care," she grinned and hugged her friends around their shoulders.

"So, what do you-" Bella started, when a group of boys passed them. They whistled, and started talking about them. Y/N's cheeks blushed, as she overheard them.

"Don't listen to those idiots, they still share one brain cell," Bella and Y/N said at once, and they all laughed, though Y/N didn't felt any happiness. Her instinct to run and hide from these boys was still there.

-

And then we arrived to the market. I still looked around if they were not there, but luckily not, Y/N wrote down the sentence, and put the notebook aside. She felt happy they didn't recognized her, but it still stressed her out. She looked over to the bow and quier with arrows Kili gifted her, when she had thirteenth birthday.

"Trouble with sleeping?" Kili's raspy voice appeared behind her.

"Yeah," Y/N sighed out, and pat on the bed next to her.

"C'me here, snoring beauty," Kili chuckled at that nickname.

"Ugh, again?" You nodded with a grin.

As you laid in safety of Kili's arms (and him being soundly asleep), your mind turned into a specific direction. Would Kili like you? Not just as a friend, but...more?

You'd fall asleep like this, if you had bad dreams. Kili fell asleep first, and softly snored, but he looked cute while doing so. You shook your head, and decided to listen to his breath, and soon, you fell asleep yourself.

The memories of the times you used to be bullied by those boys came back. You didn't felt confident at all, and mostly sad. You couldn't fall asleep at night, and you often found yourself looking over your body. Fat pig, that's how they called her. Was she still...like this? Would she ever be pretty enough?

It's been a while, since she cried before sleep, and then fell asleep afterwards.

The brothers noticed something was going on, when their friend seemed to be bothered by something. So, they decided to do thing they always did, which was making flowercrowns together.

-

"You're messing it up, Fili," you giggled, when the blonde prince's flowercrown fell apart.

For fifth time in twenty minutes.

"Well, I'll go get some fresh flowers, over here," he pointed to the carpet of daisies in the golden light of setting sun.

"Guess who," Said smooth voice next to your ear, when his hands covered your face.

"Hmm, is that you, Ki?"

"Who else."

Kili sat in front of you, and placed a flowercrown on your head. You both stood up, and he twirled you around.

"I've got you something else," he whispered.

"Flowers," you looked happily over the small fresh bouquet of wild flowers, and felt warmth spreading in you. You looked into his chocolate eyes.

"Kili, thank you so much, it's...it's beautiful,"

"Not nearly as beautiful as you," he looked deeply into your eyes.

"Flowers for a girl," he said, with a slightly pink-tinted cheeks.

"Now finally braid her hair," the lion prince's voice interrupted the romantic scene.

[gummymina]

Love at the first sight

Paralyzed Park Jihyo x Male Reader

Fluff but cute oneshot (kinda)

Jihyo's pov

'Who will love a girl like me?...In this condition?'

That thought was in my mind ever since Daniel dumped me for another girl. He was just using me for my fame and my body.

I'm was in depression for 2 years. I had an accident which made me like this.

I'm glad that my members and my parents were there for me. And just because of them I feel loved, I feel so special.

The accident was so bad that the doctors had to try their best to not to make my condition worse but they said something that made me, my parents and my members shock...

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

"You're paralysed, waist down. In different words, you won't be able to walk again. I'm sorry we tried our best."

That's what the doctor said....And that's another reason why Daniel broke up with me...

At that time I got hurt...Nayeon and jeongyeon unnie were their to comfort me..

Fans knows about what happened with me and they are very supportive.

In fanmeetings some of them ask me that 'Why are you wasting your precious tears on that bastard man?'

Sometimes they are right..Why am I even wasting my tears on that ungrateful d*cky person? Thank God that I didn't do anything with him.

I want someone who could love and accept me in whatever condition I am.

'Will I get someone who loves me as who I am?'

Y/n's pov

Working as fashion designer is a little bit hard. I have my own fashion company.

We even have some models who promote our clothes on magazines.

I'm looking for some models and some designers. We have different application for them to apply for this job.

Right now I'm at my office with a sketch book. Not knowing what the next piece of fashion will be.

I put my head down on the table, signing deeply.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

'God what will happen in my life?'

God's pov

Y/n wants to know what will happen in his life..

Well, I know a girl so I will put y/n with her..

"They both are looking good with each other as if it's like they are meant to be with each other for the rest of their life" The other God said.

I proudly smiled and tell them.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

"Cause they are meant to be"

Jihyo's pov

Here I am, at the han river with no one. No parents and No members.

I just wanted to take some fresh air.

I told my members that I'll be outside but they asked if they want to come with me. But I said a big fat no.

It's been 20 mins since I came her so I think I should go back home now otherwise they will scold me.

I was at the pedestrian road but there was no one so I had to scroll my wheelchair to go that side of the road.

The cars are there but no one is there to guide me to the other side of the road.

I waited for the light to be red so I can cross the road easily.

The light is not working so I decided to cross the road on my own.

I scrolled my wheelchair a bit but there were still cars coming so I scrolled my wheelchair back. It's like I'm pushing my wheelchair back and forth.

Y/n's pov

I buyed some groceries and went outside. I put my groceries on the trunk of the car.

As I was about to sit inside my car I saw a women on a wheelchair trying to cross the road.

I went towards her and tapped her shoulder, making her scared.

"Miss, are you trying to cross the road?" I asked her as I kneel down beside her.

She noded her head cutely but I feel sad for the condition she is in. It will be difficult for her to move around like that.

"Are you alone? Or there's anyone with you?" I asked again, trying not to sound like a kidnapper.

She nodded and looked down, not looking at me. She's alone with no one right now.

"Do you mind if I leave you to your house?"

She froze and looked at me, not sure to come with me or not. I looked back at her, looking straight into her big eyes. I saw everything in her eyes. Her pain, her sadness and her past.

"Don't misunderstand miss, I'm just trying to help you."

She chuckled a bit making my heart flutter for her. I think I'm in love with he-

'No No No, falling in love with someone you just met is so damn wrong!'

"Hello? Mr.? Hello!!!!" I realized that she was waving her hand in front of my eyes, bringing me back into reality.

"I'm sorry....um..-" I got cut off by her.

"Jihyo, Park jihyo" She said with a soft smile, bringing her hand out, offering a hand shake.

I captured her hand with mine. Her hands were soft, soft like a cotton.

"Y/n, Lee Y/n" I smiled but suddenly felt sad when she pulled her hand back.

"So..let's go Jihyo-ssi?"

"Yeah, let's go Y/n-ssi"

I pulled her wheelchair to the footpath, making sure not to hurt her anywhere.

I pushed her wheelchair slowly towards my car as I hummed a song, not wanting to end this moment with her.

"You like backstreet boys?" She asked me, looking up at me. Wah those eyes I want keep it to mysel-

'NOOO! NOT AGAIN!!!'

"Yeah, my mom was a big fan of them"

"Oh! even my mom!" She exclaimed as she smiled like a child.

Sadly, we reached my car as I opened the passenger's door for her. But then, I remembered her condition.

"So...I'm gonna carry you like a baby then put you on the seat while I put your wheelchair on the back ok?"

She nodded her head while blushing as I mentioned how I'm gonna carry her.

I bent a little bit as I wrapped my arm around her waist and the other arm around her legs.

She wrapped both of her arms around my neck to support her body.

I put her inside the passenger's seat and closed the door. I put her wheelchair on the back.

I went to the driver's seat and start the car. Awkward silence filled the car.

"So where do you live?"

"hanmyeon road(random) street: 21 xxxxx"

"Ok so let's just drop you there"

-------

We're struck in a traffic now. Awkward silence is still there between us. I decided to break the silence.

"So...why were you alone at the han river?"

I didn't got any response so I looked at her and saw her sleeping peacefully. It's like she's sleeping so peacefully after a long tired time.

The light turned green as I start my engine again and drive towards her adress.

-------

Jihyo's pov

"Jihyo wake up!!!" someone shouted as I growl and rubbed my sleepy eyes.

"What?" I asked, sitting up on the bed.

"You were sleeping for 12 hours now!" Nayeon unnie said as my eyes widen.

"What?!!!!"

"Well, a guy came here-

+FLASHBACK+

Nayeon's pov

It's been 20 mins since that Thomas the train left to take some fresh air and she's still not here!!!

We all are watching TV while waiting for our leader-nim.

We are all worried for her since she can't wal- I mean since she's all by herself.

Suddenly someone rang our bell.

I rushed towards the door thinking it was jihyo.

I opened the door and saw jihyo but in someone's arms!!

I got furious, thinking that the man did something wrong to our leader so I yelled at him.

"Who are you and what did you do to jihyo?!!?!!"

The others came, rushing towards us with kitchen utensils.

"Avengers..." Mina said ready to attack the guy with a freaking frying pan.

"ASSEMBLE!!!" The others yelled, running towards the guy to beat him up.

"Woah, woah, woah easy there. I saw her trying to cross the road as there was no one to guide her. So instead of helping her crossing the road, I drop her here. She looked tired so she fell a sleep in the car"

We all looked at each other and bowed several times saying our apologies.

"We are so sorry! We thought that you did something to her. I'm so sorry um....-"

"It's Y/n, Lee Y/n"

"We are sorry Y/n!" We apologize to him again.

"It's ok, By the way where should I keep her?" He said, referring to jihyo.

"You can keep her in room please" I said stepping aside to let him enter the hall.

"Uh sure but where is her room?"

"Sana, guide him"

Sana nodded as she lead him to our room.

After few seconds, he came down and went towards his car, pulling out jihyo's wheelchair.

He scroll the wheelchair towards the door.

"And here's the wheelchair. Now I have to go! Bye!"

He bowed down as I saw him getting into his car, disappearing from my sight.

+FLASHBACK ENDS+

Jihyo's pov

"Oh, I have to thank him!" I stand up but end up falling down, remembering that I can't walk.

"JIHYO!!" Nayeon rushed towards me and help me to sit on the bed.

"Oh, t-thank you nayeon-unnie"

I said while looking down, feeling guilty for making her worried.

"You should be careful jihyo..you know about your condition right?"

Nayeon-unnie sat down beside me.

"I know b-but I want to thank him for y-yesterday night you know? He helped me last night, at the han river?" I said trying not to blush so hard, thinking about yesterday night.

"Why is park jihyo blushing~? Because of that Lee Y/n huh?~" Nayeon started teasing me.

"Stop it unnie!!" I pouted and throw a pillow at her.

"Oh every time I see you~ Geudae nuneul bol ttaemyeon~ Jakku gaseumi tto seolleyeowa~" Nayeon unnie sang as she grab a lotion bottle, thinking that it was a mic.

"I think.." I was about to say something but I paused for a minute.

"You what?!" She rushed towards me, holding my both shoulders shaking me.

"Ok but first STOP SHAKING ME!!"

I yelled as she stopped shaking me and covered her ears because of my loud voice.

"I think...It's love at the first sight" I blushed as I play with my fingers.

"That means you..oh my God! Are you sure?!!" She covered her mouth with her hand.

I looked at her and nodded..

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

"I think I like him"

[punkscowardschampions]

Savannah, Jac, Amelia & Isabelle

Savannah: What are we doing to get party ready? Savannah: because I vote we hit the spa to get our collective ✨ back Savannah: it should be ILLEGAL how my skin looks Jac: No way, I was JUST thinking how good your skin looked like THIS morning Jac: but it's never NOT a good time for the spa too though so 🤭 Savannah: your hype is everything! I don't even deserve how flawless you are in a beyond skin deep way Savannah: but yes to the spa being my go to fave ^^ Amelia: I can't Jac: only giving what you put out, it is beyond deserved ❤❤ Jac: Why not Meelie? Amelia: I'll be at the party but the only way I could be there too is if my mum comes with and NOBODY wants that Jac: Your mum is fun Amelia: not that fun Jac: Doesn't [some boujee place they'd like] have a 10% discount right now, Savvy? Jac: they do THE BEST facials Savannah: 👏🏾 Yes! You have the BEST taste & I think it's actually gone up to 15% 🙌🏾 Isabelle: Awh 😟 it sounds like so much fun but mine won't give me any money and I'm so broke after getting those new trainers Savannah: Don't be silly! It's totally my treat, Is Savannah: your pores shouldn't have to stay clogged for the sake of those trainers Jac: That is so generous of you 🥺🥺 Jac: I NEED a hot oil hair treatment like yesterday, I don't know why it's so dry right now but it's not a mood Savannah: your hair looked beautiful yesterday & if you don't believe me, I literally heard so many girls from the year above talking about it so Jac: 😳😳😳 Jac: well I KNOW Ty heard those 6th years talking about you, he was so jealous, bless him 🥰 Savannah: I was in the bathroom overwhelmed by sadness & I heard your name over & over, it felt seriously fated Savannah: oh my god, he refuses to tell me what they sad, I've given him the full 🥺 & everything Savannah: *said Amelia: maybe you need bigger eyelashes Savannah: Do you think? Jac: Oh my God, where even was I? Boo! 😖 You should have called so I could come find you Jac: no way, you like, INVENTED puppy dog eyes, your natural lashes are so thick and dark Jac: he's just saving your blushes, so cute Savannah: ugh, my phone was like dying because Sienna had all this drama with a girl in her class earlier Savannah: 🥰 you're so cute, I can't even handle all these compliments Jac: Is she okay or do we need to talk to this girl? Jac: her year is vicious, I swear Savannah: she says she's okay but she can't hide how upset she is from me Jac: You're way too empathetic, you know her inside out Jac: Poor Sienna, does she want to come too? Savannah: that's SUCH a great idea, I'll ask her Jac: We could all get matching nails Isabelle: Sorry...mum called Isabelle: won't that be really expensive though? are you super sure Sav? Savannah: of course, Is Savannah: it's not like I need a new outfit for Erin's house party Isabelle: Yay, thank you so much! 😁 So you can come too Meels? Amelia: No Amelia: it wasn't about the money, remember? Isabelle: 😥 you don't want to be left out though Amelia: there's nothing I can do about that Isabelle: oh that's such a shame Isabelle: I'll bring you back some of those mini cakes and sandwiches they do Amelia: thanks Amelia: I'll see you at Erin's Jac: Are you sure there's no way? Amelia: you've really forgotten the 📅 haven't you? Jac: Oh, it's her birthday Jac: right? Amelia: yeah Savannah: we should send her 💐 from all of us Savannah: I love your mum Jac: Are you definitely coming to the party then? Amelia: I'll be there Amelia: Erin throws a good party Jac: 💐 is a great idea, we can go pick them out Jac: what are you doing with her today then? Amelia: 🎭🩰 totally not my thing but my dad won't take her Amelia: she doesn't think I will either, so it'll be stay a huge surprise Jac: That's really nice, she'll love it Jac: I'd love to go sometime Savannah: Ballet lessons were the highlight of my Saturday when I was little, I was obsessed Savannah: mainly for the outfits though 😄 Jac: I can so picture you with your little bun 😊 adorable Savannah: [pics because she's that bitch] Jac: 😭😭😭😭 Jac: how have you always been PERFECT Jac: I was so ugly 😬😂 Amelia: no you weren't Jac: I so was Jac: you and Is were really sweet and I was so 😱😱 Jac: never mind the puppy fat, yikes Amelia: the fringe my mum forced me to have was not sweet 😣 Savannah: I'm with Amelia, you were definitely such an 👼🏻👶🏻 Amelia: she was Amelia: [pics of them all as kids but especially her being bffs with Jac to make that point to Savannah like] Jac: You guys are so sweet Jac: I love you Isabelle: I look exactly the same is that a good or a bad thing Amelia: 😂 Amelia: better than looking like 👧🏻 Amelia: I'm literally an emoji Isabelle: Iconic, some would say Isabelle: 🤭 Savannah: these pics are going to make me cry, I swear Savannah: too adorable Savannah: as if you've all been friends for so long Jac: It's so wild to me that we weren't friends before now Jac: we should've been friends this whole time too Savannah: I know, but I guess I wasn't ready until now Savannah: I had so much character development to do first Jac: 🙌🙏 ^^ SAME Jac: it had to be now Jac: you're all being nice about it but I would lowkey DIE if you knew me even a few years ago Jac: not cute Savannah: ^^^^^^ Savannah: Ty hasn't seen me before we got together & I 🙏🏾 he never will Amelia: he didn't go to another school, I think he knows that you existed before him Jac: the glo-up is too real to go back 💁 Savannah: I'm still waiting for my glow up Savannah: there's only so much the spa can do Jac: 😤 you're so FLAWLESS Jac: like literally, there isn't a single thing wrong with you Savannah: stop, I don't know if I'll start blushing or sobbing Isabelle: I would love to look like you, Savannah Isabelle: what should I wear tonight? Isabelle: I want Tom to notice me Savannah: I'm flattered but you need to embrace your own beauty, Is Savannah: it's so important Savannah: Oh, Tom R or Tom S? Isabelle: Ew, Tom S Isabelle: I made out with Tom R last year and it was baaaad bad Savannah: One second, I'll ask Ty about him now I have the right Tom Isabelle: I'm so excited I might puke Savannah: okay so he likes to make the first move, you'll need to dress like you're not the kind of girl who kissed Tom R Isabelle: How do I do that? I need help 😩 Savannah: maybe you can borrow something of Amelia's Isabelle: Can I Meels? Isabelle: I dunno if I'll suit your style though...I'm not cool Amelia: I couldn't get the grass stains out of the skirt you borrowed last time Isabelle: Whoops 😉 Amelia: and you don't need to dress to impress Tom S anyway, he's nothing special Isabelle: He's so lush though Amelia: 🤨 Isabelle: Come on! You have eyes Isabelle: isn't he so fit guys Savannah: I only have eyes for one boy, but he does have nice eyes himself Jac: You've done worse Isabelle: Yeah, Tom R for example Isabelle: 😨 Savannah: 😅 Savannah: You know who apparently is the worst kisser ever, Donovan! Savannah: have you ever kissed him, Is? Isabelle: Have I? Isabelle: 🤔 Amelia: he leaned in to 💋 but you 🤮 on his trainers Isabelle: Ha! Isabelle: Dodged a bullet, apparently Jac: He wasn't as fast Savannah: Oh my god! Jac: It was so shaming, we had to call her mum to pick her up Savannah: my parents would kill me Jac: Your mum is like, beyond chill, Is Jac: she lets you get away with loads Savannah: I'd be beyond jealous if I wanted to kiss Tom R, or fall down drunk in his path, at least Savannah: thankfully he's not my type Isabelle: Not even, she was so mad at me for ages Isabelle: I was sick in the fireplace Isabelle: it was so hard to clean Jac: Is that friend of Ty's going? Jac: 😶 Savannah: yes Jac: 🥴 Isabelle: oooooooooooooooooh, do you like someone J?!?!? Savannah: he doesn't usually go to house parties but as soon as he heard you were, he recognised that Erin's had potential Isabelle: who who Savannah: J doesn't want to make a big deal out of it Amelia: then why turn it into a big secret? Jac: It's no secret Jac: but Is has already got no chill and you know I'm shy Jac: I won't be able to cope with how blatant her 👀 is Amelia: you could've told me that you liked someone Jac: I am telling you Jac: like, right now Amelia: not really Jac: What do you mean? 🤨 Amelia: I mean, you're not actually telling me anything Jac: I'm not trying to like, commandeer this whole convo and make it about me Jac: but okay Jac: he's one of Ty's friends, he's on the team too Amelia: I could scroll up for that info but okay Jac: I don't know what you want me to say? Jac: I've not spoken to him properly yet, he's just interesting Amelia: interesting how? Jac: 😳 Savannah: is this third degree honestly necessary? Jac: maybe I shouldn't go now Jac: I'm feeling kinda off Savannah: Baby 😔 Savannah: we can do whatever you want to do Jac: No, I won't spoil your guys fun Jac: you should all go Savannah: it won't be any fun without you Savannah: & anyway, if you don't feel well you need someone there to take care of you Jac: You'd do that for me? Jac: you'll make me cry, I swear Savannah: It's just a stupid party, you're you Jac: Will Ty be mad at you? Savannah: of course not, all his friends will be there, he doesn't need me as much as you do Jac: I wanna still try to do the spa Jac: for Sienna Jac: but I just can't see him now, the anxiety is too high Savannah: she'll understand if we have to reschedule but it might make you feel better to be pampered Savannah: but I'll give you a facial if you can't cope with a full spa situation Savannah: it's totally your decision Jac: I do have this new mask I think will be amazing for your skin type Jac: bring Sienna, she can see the new pup we just got Savannah: you understand too, don't you, Is? Savannah: I'll take you for a manicure next week, I promise Isabelle: Oh, yeah, totally Isabelle: mum said it's too much to accept anyway Isabelle: Are you sure you don't want to come though? Isabelle: sounds like he really wants to see you Savannah: I'm here for you if you want any more outfit help for Tom, just facetime me Isabelle: Thank you sweetie, I'm really torn between these 3 dresses Isabelle: wait, 4 Isabelle: I'll definitely call Jac: You're a doll, Is Jac: Tom is gonna be 😍 Savannah: ^^ I can't wait to hear how blown away he is by you Isabelle: I'll give you all the rundown tomorrow morning 😁😁😁 Isabelle: do you want to go together, Meels? Amelia: I've got to put the time in with mum, I'll probably be late getting there Amelia: don't worry about waiting for me Isabelle: Okay, if you're sure Isabelle: come find me when you get there Amelia: yeah, Tom's tall, I'll be able to Isabelle: 🤤🤤🤤 Isabelle: he's so tall Amelia: play it cool, Is Isabelle: 😖 Savannah: you don't need to listen to Amelia, she's not an expert Amelia: I don't need to know about boys, I know her Isabelle: I don't wanna be sick on this one's shoes Amelia: of course you don't Amelia: trust me, drink less, dance more Jac: you should let him give you your first drink Savannah: 👏🏾 he'll LOVE that Isabelle: Ugh, thanks guys Isabelle: I am going to need to pre-drink though Isabelle: for my nerves Amelia: me too, for my 🎭🩰🧠 Jac: What ballet is it? Amelia: 🔥🐦 Jac: Your mum will love it Amelia: she hasn't already seen it, that's a good start Jac: I haven't either Jac: I mean, I just watch the performances at home but yeah Jac: we've sent the flowers via one of those postbox ones, they'll come tomorrow Amelia: she'll love those too Amelia: maybe even more than seeing me dressed for 🎭🩰 Jac: send us your outfit too then, yeah Amelia: no way, they're going nowhere but my mum's facebook Jac: I am her friend, you know Isabelle: hey, I'm not! Amelia: add her, she won't mind Isabelle: I'm so going to Isabelle: not my Insta though Isabelle: I've blocked mine 💁 Amelia: it's okay, I don't let her on my insta either any more Amelia: she leaves too many 😳 comments Isabelle: Mammys are the worst Isabelle: 😬😬 Amelia: at least she understands socials, my dad is clueless Amelia: and he's not THAT old Isabelle: My nan loves selfies Amelia: your nan is my everything Amelia: if I could bring her to the party tonight, I would Isabelle: 😂 you're so wild Amelia: tear yourself away from whichever Tom it is and you'll see Isabelle: not with Pam thank you 🤣 Isabelle: she has a boyfriend Amelia: get it Pamela Isabelle: his name is Brian Isabelle: they go down dolly mount every Friday, it's so cute Amelia: I'm so happy for them Jac: Awh, how sweet Jac: What about Jackie, has she been dating? Isabelle: She never tells me anything Isabelle: she says she's too busy working Amelia: Jackie doesn't need a man Isabelle: You sound just like her! Amelia: cut me deeper, Is 💔 Isabelle: sorry, you do though Isabelle: do you listen to the same female empowerment spotify playlist? Amelia: link me, I'd probably I'd be into it Isabelle: [does, imagine those single lady tunes lmao] Amelia: 😂 Amelia: this could save my life when I hate the 🎭🩰 Isabelle: no, no, take this Isabelle: [some dance sexy sassy playlist she's listening to] Amelia: you should send that one to Erin Amelia: save the party too Isabelle: Good idea Isabelle: [some cringy tiktok moment of her dancing, Isabelle stop] Amelia: [a video of amelia dancing amazingly at some party or other recently that Isabelle had to go home early from so she missed it, cos we gotta remind the lurking bae who we are] Isabelle: 🤯🤯🤯🤯 YOU'RE SO GOOD Isabelle: you should post! you'd get so many likes Amelia: I was so drunk, that's all Savannah: I can't believe that's you! Amelia: 🤔 am I flattered or offended Isabelle: Meels has always been a good dancer Isabelle: you should teach me Amelia: we can start tonight if it won't make Tom rage that he isn't teaching you something Isabelle: it's for his benefit Isabelle: so many lads are gonna be 😍 at you Amelia: they'll be looking at you if I do it right Isabelle: I'm fine with that 😋 Amelia: me too Jac: [some message between Ty and this Tom with some form of insider info they've made him get lol like you're welcome Isabelle but you also owe us now] Amelia: I'm seriously not understanding why you like him, Is Isabelle: 😲 OMG OMG Isabelle: it is so useful having a boy on our team Isabelle: thank you Ty, ahhhhhhh Isabelle: [pictures of him like hello] Savannah: We all want you to be happy Isabelle: 🥺🥺 awwwww Savannah: did you narrow down your outfit picks yet? Isabelle: no, I'm making toasties Isabelle: mum said I have to line my stomach 🙄 Jac: I hope that doesn't make a reappearance later Amelia: Erin's 🏠 is lovely, try not to redecorate it for her Amelia: can I stay over at yours, Is? Amelia: my parents will be all 😍🥰😘 Isabelle: 🤢🤢🤢 Isabelle: You can Isabelle: mum's on nights so she'll be gone and we won't have to worry about waking her up Amelia: if Tom's staying too, tell me now because that's as 🤢 Isabelle: Amelia! Amelia: I don't want to see or hear it, sorry Isabelle: he won't be staying, oh my gosh Amelia: okay Isabelle: I'm not a slag Isabelle: that's just what Kane put about when I dumped him for two-timing me Amelia: until I shut him up Isabelle: Ha, that was funny Isabelle: I thought he was gonna cry Amelia: he probably did when he went home Jac: 👏 Amelia: I should probably go get 🎭🩰 ready Amelia: 😣 this 👗 though Amelia: I'm going to look like I belong on Pam's 🚽 to hide her 🧻 Jac: 😏 Jac: it's not like you can wear your grass-stained skirt Amelia: It's long gone Jac: Shame Amelia: yeah, I liked it Jac: and Is had a good time in it Jac: fond memories Amelia: I'm sorry, okay? Jac: ... Jac: What? Amelia: for the 'third degree' earlier Jac: Oh, right Jac: well thanks for apologising, that's mature of you Amelia: I can be, sometimes Jac: I wouldn't suggest otherwise Amelia: I just had no idea you liked any of Ty's friends Jac: It's not like a thing, is all Jac: I'm not like in love with the boy Jac: you'd know if it was serious Amelia: would I? Jac: Obviously Jac: don't be silly Amelia: I have to go, I wouldn't have time to be silly even if you wanted me to Jac: Make sure your mum has a good time then ❤ Amelia: she will, I've booked a dinner reservation and everything Savannah: That's so cute! I feel like I should be a better daughter starting today Jac: Same Jac: putting us all to shame Isabelle: I only got my mum a necklace from the market for her birthday Isabelle: and it made her neck go green 😩 Amelia: she's been annoying me less lately Amelia: actually being helpful Isabelle: 🥳🥳🥳 Amelia: I didn't realise she was good for advice AND gossip Jac: You know you can talk to us too, right Isabelle: ^^ We're your best friends forever Amelia: it's nothing, I thought I liked someone too but I got it wrong Isabelle: but you never like ANYONE Isabelle: no offence Amelia: none taken Isabelle: you'll find someone Meels 😙 Amelia: maybe Amelia: maybe not Isabelle: Of course you will, you're lovely! Isabelle: right girls Jac: But she can take as much time as she likes, Is Savannah: Ty has so many amazing friends when you are ready, but there's no rush Amelia: Thanks Sav, but they're not my type Jac: I hate to think of your mum waiting on her birthday Jac: you don't wanna be late because Is still hasn't picked an outfit Amelia: don't worry, I'm going Isabelle: See you at Erin's 💖 Jac: Later 👋 Amelia: yeah x 2

[d-noona]

MAKE OVER

Chapter 3: Date Night 

Jung Hoseok x Reader

Reader as Kang Hyeonji

 SUMMARY: When Kang Hyeonji transformed herself into a striking redhead, the entire male population of Seoul stood up and took notice. But her make over was for Jung Hoseok’s benefit alone. He began to show interest in the new look but not in the way she wanted. Suddenly he was over-protective, perhaps a little jealous. It seemed that the idea of having a relationship with her couldn’t be further from his mind. The girl however wants more. So it was time for an ultimatum. If Hoseok didn’t want Hyeonji to lose her virginity to another admirer, he had no option but to make love to her himself.

"Is that you dear?" her mother called out as she pushed the door. "Yes Ma," the smell of roast dinner teased Hyeonji's nostrils as she made her way along the hall and into the kitchen. Not a pork smell. Chicken. Naturally, came the rueful thought. Chicken carried the least fat and calorie count, provided the skin was removed. Which it would certainly be. She almost sighed when she also spied her mother wrapping the hope-for crispy potatoes in foil. Zil glanced up and smiled at her daughter "Have a good day dear?"

"Pretty good, Choon hee, Han Byeol, Namjoon and the others bought me some cake, and you'll never guess who dropped in to see me this morning," she said brightly. Her mother answered her "I can't think. Who?"

"Hoseok"

"Hoseok? You mean Jung Hoseok?" asks her mother peculiarly. "The one and only." Hyeonji declined telling her mother about the fiasco of his new car. "He was up this way today and asked me out tonight for my birthday."

"But I'm cooking a special dinner for you tonight," she announced with a hint of displeasure in her tone. "I'll be here tonight for dinner Mum, Hobi isn't picking me up till around eight." Her mother gave Hyeonji a sharp look "You do realize he has a girl friend? A very beautiful one too, if I recall rightly" Hyeonji controlled her growing irritation with difficulty. "I'm well aware of that Mum, but were only going somewhere for coffee. Don't forget Hobi and I were friends before Tinashe came along." Her mother began to frown "I still don't know about this. I have an awful feeling this is not a good idea." Hyeonji came forward to give her mother a hug. "Ma, stop worrying. I'm a big girl now and quite capable of looking after myself.

At five to eight, Hyeonji was standing in her bedroom window, watching for Hobi's car. She doubted he would be late. Surprisingly, punctuality was now one of his virtues. He hadn't always been like that. When Hyeonji had first met Hoseok, and he'd been a computer-mad adolescent seventeen, she could not count the number of times he'd been late for things. Time had a little meaning for him once his concentration was focused on his latest games or graphic design.

Hyeonji was about to turn away from the window when Hoseok's bright red car came up the hill and turned into their driveway. Right on time. She shook her head in acceptance that Hoseok had changed in many ways. He was no longer the forgetful boy next door. He was an exceptionally sharp businessman. Ambitious. Brilliant. Successful.

Way out of Hyeonji's league. Sighing, she bent to switch her bedside lamp, and was about to leave the room when she hesitated, walking back to where she could watch Hoseok, unobserved from now the darkened window. He sat there for several seconds, combing his hair, though not with undue vanity. He didn't even glance into the rear-vision or side-mirror, just swept the comb quickly through both sides and down the back before slipping it back into his jacket pocket.

At least in that Hoseok hadn't changed. He'd never been vain about his looks, and still wasn't. There was nothing of the peacock in him. Yet after all that he looked good. A quiver rippled down Hyeonji's spine as she watched the object of her secret obsession unfold his elegant frame from behind the wheel. He was dressed in the same blue jeans, navy top and a cream linen jacket. He stretched as he stood up, and another deeper quiver reverberated all through her.

For the first time it struck Hyeonji just how intensely sexual her love for Hoseok had become with the passing of the years. Her more innocent school girl crush had long since graduated to a full-on physical passion filled with needs and yearnings which would not be denied. More and more she dreamt of making love with Hoseok, rather than just loving him. She would lie in bed at night and think about what it would like to kiss him and touch him; how he would look, naked and erect; how he would feel, deep inside her. She blushed in the darkness, her blood pounding through her body, her head whirling with a wild mixture of shame and excitement. Was she wicked to think about such things?

She didn't feel wicked. She felt driven and compelled, oblivious to everything but wanting Hoseok with a want that had no conscience, only the most merciless and agonizing frustration. How she wished she were dazzlingly beautiful, with the sort of body no man could resist. A bitter longing flooded Hyeonji as she watched Hoseok confidently stride towards her front door, his dark hair shining like the stars in the dark night. Her grip on the curtains tightened and inevitably her thoughts turned to the dreaded Tinashe.

How often did he sleep with her?

She wondered enviously. Hyeonji knew he didn't live with her, but that didn't mean they didn't share most of their nights either at his or her place.

Was she great in bed? What was it she did to him that kept Hobi interested in her for six whole months?

Another awful possibility snuck into Hyeonji's mind. Twisting her heart and stomach. The front door rang, the sound jarring Hyeonji's suddenly stretched nerves she resisted rushing down stairs and her thoughts still simmering with resentment at the situation. She should have not agreed to go out with Hoseok tonight, not even for coffee. She was only torturing herself.

She heard her mother slide the door back from the family room then walk with small steps along the plastic strip which protected the hallway carpet. The front door creaked slightly on opening. "Hello Hobi"." Zil said with stiff politeness. "Hello, Mrs. Kang, You're looking well."

Hyeonji listened to their small chat for a minute or two before gathering herself and coming down stairs glad now that she hadn't made a super human effort with her appearance. Even so, her mother looked up and down at her as though searching for some hit of secret decadence. Hyeonji doubted if even the most devious mind could find anything to criticize her in her knee-length black skirt and simple white knitted top, even if the latter did have a lacey design and pretty pearl buttons down the front. Her choice of jewelry could hardly give rise to speculation. The rest of her was equally sedate. Skin colored pantyhose, medium length black pumps, hair up in its usual knot and no make-up on except coral lipstick. Even her underwear was sedate. But only Superman with his X-ray vision could see that. Not that the sight of her modest white crossover bra and cotton briefs could would send any man's heart aflutter.

Hyeonji was at a loss to understand then why Hoseok himself frowned up at her as she came down the stairs. She had no illusions that he was struck by some previously untapped appreciation of her beauty. So why was he giving her the once-over with slightly surprised look in his eyes? Her curiosity was not satisfied till they were alone and walking along the curving front path towards the parked car.

"You know, Hyeonji," he said, "You've lost quite a bit of weight lately have you?"

Hyeonji clenched her teeth down hard in her jaw. She'd been losing weight steadily for two years and had been this size for more than three months. Hadn't he noticed before this moment? No of course not. For the last six months his eyes had all been for Tinashe.

"Not lately I haven't," she replied coolly. "I've been this weight for quite a while."

"Oh? I didn't notice" says Hoseok whilst scratching his nape.

Tell me something new....

Hyeonji thought tartly. She felt piqued that there wasn't the smallest change in him that she didn't notice. She knew whenever he had his hair cut; when he bought a new jacket; when he changed women. "Are you sure Tinashe won't mind you're taking me out tonight?" she was driven to ask, barely controlling the lemony flavor in her voice. "Tinashe and I are having a trial separation," he bit out. "Oh?" Hyeonji battled to look perfectly normal. Difficult when your stomach had just done a back-flip. "You guys fought or something?"

"Or something" he muttered.

"You don't want to tell me about it?" she asked. His smile was wry as he wrenched open the passenger door. "Not tonight Hyeonji. I don't want to spoil my mood by thinking about women."

"But I'm a woman, Hoseok!" she pointed archly. "Yeah, but you're different. I don't really think of you like that. You're my friend. Come on. Get in. I'm going to drive us out, it's a lovely night for a walk along the beach."

Which it was. Clear and warm, with stars sparkling in the night sky. A night for lovers. Hyeonji tried not to think about that. Masochism was not one of her vices. Or maybe it was?

"But I'm not dressed for the beach," she protested when Hoseok climbed in the wheel. "I have heels and stockings on for one thing."

Hoseok in turn laughed "You can take them off in the car," he said without turning a hair. Is indifference to her undressing in front of him was depressing in the extreme. She could just imagine what would happen if Tinashe stated stripping in the passenger seat, wriggling her pouty bottom while she unpeeled her stockings down those long, tanned legs of hers. Hoseok wouldn't concentrate on his driving for long. Hyeonji had an awful feeling that she could sit stark naked in front of Hoseok and all he would do was ask her if she was cold.

"I hope you don't think you're going to worm your way out of buying me coffee!" she told him while he reversed out of the driveway. "I was going to order a big rich slice of cake with it. You've no idea, Hobi, what food Mom has been feeding me ever since Dad died. She's become a "fat-free forever" nutcase!" as Hyeonji evades thoughts of Tinashe.

"No worse than having a mother who wants to feed you up," he countered dryly. "Every time I come home, Mother says I'm getting too thin, then come out the pastries and chips and God knows what else."

"You're not too thin," Hyeonji said, "You're just right."

He smiled over at her and her heart lurched. He was heart-stoppingly handsome when he smiled. Just as bright as the sun. "You know you're good for me Hyeonji. You always say the right thing. And you always do the right thing" he added meaningfully "You put me to shame today. I never remember your birthday and you always remember mine. So if you open the glove box in front of you there's a little something there which I hope will make up for all those other forgotten occasions."

Before Hyeonji could even start to protest she was cut off by Hoseok "And don't tell me I shouldn't have, "He went on "And don't tell me it's too expensive. I can afford it. Fact is, I can afford pretty well whatever I want these days. That computer game I told you about some time back has just gone on the worldwide market and it's going to make me a multimillionaire."

"Oh Hoseok! That's wonderful." Hyeonji exclaimed in excitement for her friend. "Maybe," he said dryly. "I'm beginning to find out being rich and successful isn't all it's cracked up to be. Except when it comes to buying my best friend something really nice," he added with a warm smile "Now, come on, go on, rip the paper off and open it up. I'm dying to see what you think."

Hyeonji then just did that, and gasped "Hoseok! You shouldn't have!"

"I thought I told you not to say that," he said ruefully. "I was in the jewelry store for hours this afternoon trying to decide. In the end I settled for something simple, but solid. Like you"

Hyeonji tried to take his words as a compliment, but somehow some of the pleasure of his gift dissolved at that point. She lifted the heavy gold chain necklace from its green velvet bed, laying across one palm while she slowly traced the heavy oval links with the index finger of her right hand.

Simple and solid. Like me...

"You don't like it?" Hoseok asked alarmed. Hyeonji heard the disappointment in his voice and forced herself to throw him a bright smile. "Don't be silly, I love it."

Chapter 04

Masterlist

[telli-talks]

Movie Review: ◄Tall Girl►

Netflix

After years of slouching through life, 6-foot-1 teen Jodi resolves to conquer her insecurities and gets caught up in a high school love triangle.

Rated TV-PG, this movie, released in 2019, is 1 hour and 42 minutes long.

Trigger topics include:

Bullying

Car Accident

Cheating (Relationship)

Doctors/Medical

ED, warning

Knives

Violence (Physical)

I couldn't decide what I wanted to do today; so I decided to watch Netflix. Then I couldn't decide what I wanted to watch on netflix; so I went to new releases, scrolled and picked whatever my finger landed on.

It turned out to be Tall Girl, the movie that people have been talking about since it came out in September. Well, a promise is a promise, and this promise was to watch whatever my finger landed on... so, here goes nothing.

I have so many problems with this movie it's not even funny anymore.

1) Date me, I'm a nice guy. I've been your friend forever. Date me. Date me DATE ME. Seriously? Dude, if you can't take no for an answer how are you ever going to deal with every other no you get in life. Take the answer and accept if. Like if I was being bugged by you every single day for the same exact reason I'd get suspended from school for punhing you in the face. She gave you her answer. Now leave her alone!

2) What, I'm not good enough to date you? You have some sort of magic checklist that I'm supposed to hit before you'll date me? Seriously, we've been firends for years; just date me! Shut the fuck up, would you?! She has a right to be specific for whom she wan'ts to date. Leave her the fuck alone. Give up, she's not interested. No means no, for a damn good reason. 

3)Jodie, your fucking parents wanna drug you so you won't be growing taller, like what the fuck? That's some serious bullshit red flags right there and that doctor should have seriously reported this. Doctor patient confidnentiality only goes so far as to not cover the fact that something like 'can we stunt my daughtpr's growth' is a serously dangerously possible thing and can and will cause lifelong consequences. But hey... it could be worse right? (psch- bad is bad, it doesn't matter the reason)

4) Ok, you're tall. We get it. But there's more problems you could be having than idk having to wear size 13 men's nikes. Like oh I don't know. We are on the brink of World War 3... or Ausrailia is on fire. Hey, yeah your parents wanted to drug you as a child so you wouldnt be tall; but at least your parents didn't actually illegally drug you becasue they had no idea how to handle you as a small child with ADHD... Yes, your problems are valid; but do you know just how many people would kill to be as tall as you are. I can tell you this for certain. As gay as I am, a tall girl giving me attention would fuk me up on all sorts of levels of yes please.

5) Have you ever given any thought to your sister as well? Its mentioned that she's been doing beauty pagents from 6 years of age. Did she decide she wanted to do them? Bcause like from what I know its usually because the mother chooses to put the child intho the pagentry. It is also mentioned that the mother used to do pagents. Also can we please talk about how they're eating dinner while Harper has to try on dresses for the pagent? Whose idea was this?

6) Has a suprise like 'oh we're the host familyfor the girl you're crushing on's crush' ever been a good idea? Much less 'suprise we're a host family'? LIke yeah, it's coo to be the one to introduce someone to new things but not if there's already tension, not to mention the fact that they're teenager. Suprises are generally never going to be a good idea.

7) 'If you see me eating carbs, I need you to slap me across the face.' Yeah becasue that's not going to hurt anyone who already sees themseles in a bad light. 'Man I look fat on camera' IS ALREADY VERY SLENDER. Like wtf is wrong with poeple. This is how you get body dysmorphia. This is how you get eating disorders. THIS IS HOW YOUR HAVE A TEENAGER IN THE HOSPIATL WITH A FAILING HEART BECAUSE THEY STARVED THEMSELVES INTO ARRYTHMIA AND NOW THEY NEED A TRANSPLANT. FUcking societal norms and whats to be expected.

8) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA NOONE NEEDS TO MAKE POTTERY LIKE THAT OK

9) Are you seriously trying to learn how to throw knives using a blown up photo of your competition? That..... seriously can't be healthy. Please, get some therapy. I'm begging you.

10) Makeover montage... yay. Because if you want a boy to like you going outside of your bounderies as who you are as a person is the way to go. Really? Are we trying to teach people that to make others like you you need to become someone you're not. I don't like this lesson.

11) Bullying. Seriously? Fuck that.

12) Fareeda is seriously the best character of this entire movie. Hands fucking down.

13) urghhhhhhhh this has all the chile's and they're not even good here like. Girl hiding from enemies accidently runs into the guy she likes? Musical duet, with paino and singing. A Love song at that, I means eriously. Com'on.

14) Your dad is trying so hard to make you being tall be a normal thing, that it's doing the exact opposite and having a detrimental effect instead.

15) Oof. Ok I know that Jack has like the worst crush and iit's really quite bad and i'm not ok with it.but being turned down that hard must've hit him right in the heart. Oof.

16) You might not like the girl... BUT YOU DONT BREAK THE CODE OF SISTERHOOD. Never kiss a taken person! That is wrong on all sorts of levels.

17) I KNOW YOU'RE A PAGENT QUEEN BUT YOU HAVE TO STOP HARMING YOURSELF AND START TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF!

18) And then you have to go and slap your sister?! I mean yes she told you to, but i doubt she actually meant it. Also like never slap your siblings period. Youre teenagers, its time to act like youve learned what words are and to use them.

19) Ouch dude. But like... seriously... this is still not cool. From either of you. PS. you're starting to get creepy.

20) I don't even know what is going on anymore, I'm so confused. ...reminds me of my time in high school.

21) Ouch...

22) Oh yay... high school drama. Now I'm glad this is a) a movie and b) not my social life in high school

23) ... ooookay thennnnnnnn...

24) Teenagers and their idea of relationships. This is not how you do commitment.

25) But this is however how you do sisterly relationships.

26) Sooooooooooo not how you do relationships.

27) Dad points.

28) You don't go into a sleeping person's bedroom.

29) WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR EYE?!

30) THIS IS WHY YOU DONT GO INTO A SLEEPING PERSON'S BEDROOM AND THEN TOUCH THEM!

31) This apology is acceptable to me.

32) Oh holy shit...

33) DANCE TIME... aka makeover montage

34) YAY Popularity Contests!

35) Nice slide outta the way there Harper.

36) Now that's one way to get everyone's attention.

37) Best apology out of the whole movie.

38) Fucking vibe check the whole dance there. Fuck yeah,

39) I'm not rooting for this guy. Just yeet him to the curb.

40) Jodi, really?

41) HECK YEAH JODI!

42) Ok.... DID NOT SEE THAT PART COMING

43) More smooching. This time all parties enjoy it.

44) Ok... I guess that ending wasnt too terrible.

The list aside. I suppose taking everything into consideration the movie wasn't too terribly bad. It's not something that I would nessesarily watch again... or pick as soemthing to watch in the first place. It's just a bit too cliche high school love triangle. I couldn't really find myself enjoying certain parts of the movie due to the sheer ridiculousness of it all.

[themindofcassiopeia-blog]

Reality isn't photogenic

Hey Astrophiles⚡

So everybody talks about the good. They publish, post and publicise the good, the things they want everybody to see and admire, desire, and applaud. Sometimes people talk about the bad, the sugar coated truth that still comes with the glory of it's own that sucks sympathy out of listening souls and ends the story with a praise that upholds their egos to the highest standards.

But what about the ugly? What about the fact that people around us are dying. Not just physically but mentally and emotionally and spiritually too and it's messed up how nobody can talk about it without being an attention seeker...

Today I was talking to a girl in my class and she asked about the bandage on my hand. I told her my cat scratched me and she continue to make a comment how "at least I didn't take a knife and stab myself or something". Now normally I can brush things off but she pissed me off with the way she said it. I proceeded with a simple "huh?". And then what she said next put me over the edge...

"You get some stupid pschyco thingie people who do stuff like that and cut themselves for fun"

Again "huh?"

"You know those people with those scars on their wrists and stuff?"

Self harm...she meant self harm.

And then I lost it. Mentally I slapped her, in reality I just walked into class and ended the conversation there.

Recently I spoke about OCD on my page and the same girl made a comment about OCD as well...

Just the other day I find out from my best friend that the people I used to once call my sisters were trash talking me and the fact that I have bipolar disorder and I'm "too sensitive". Mind you that one of them bursts into tears to gain attention and has done so many many times.

The point I'm trying to get across is that ignorance is a reality and it's ugly as heck. How are individuals, especially teenagers going through the hell we call high school, expected to cope and be okay when mental illness is not taught in our education syllabus? When ignorance drives people to feeling like they are worthless because they fight demons in their heads every single day but "it's not that bad". Feeling like until you are dead it will never be "bad enough" to not be attention seeking. And even when it's too late we are never enough.

As I said over the course of this blog I'm gonna talk about different things in the hope that I can eliminate at least one person's ignorance if nothing more.

So lets talk about the ugly because this crap is real and real is something that slaps us in the face all too often. We all have stories and struggles that nobody knows about and we have our ugliest moments inbetween the bad and the good. So let's be real now. I don't want your guys's sympathy. I don't want to be praised or apologised to. I don't want to be hated on or accused of seeking attention because if I could I would disappear from the face of an earth in a heartbeat because I'm not invisible. I'm painfully visible and completely ignored until I'm being criticised. Here's my ugly.

At age 8 I was already being called fat by my mother and the memory still sticks with me. From age 12 onwards I went through phases of not eating, starving myself for days and when forced to eat would shut myself in my room and exercise only to have no numbers drop. Resorting to purging which left me with my emitophobia. But was I really afraid of vomit or afraid of dying? As years go on I'm just getting worse and I'm lying to everybody. I go through phases of overeating, undereating, binging, purging, starving, 1000 calorie burning exercises and chewing gum on an empty stomach. Eating infront of a mirror and googling thinspo to one day achieve. But guess what, fat girls who get skinny are a success story and heaven forbid you fail like I am.

Holding a knife to my skin and making elaborate stories about paper cuts and looking my scars and not seeing scars but seeing a lie to my mother and invisible ink saying help me. Knowing that 2 people have seen those scars and getting a weird look from one and a lecture from the other. Scratches, getting into baths of boiling water and burning my skin, punching walls and bashing my head on door frames, scratching scrars and pitching my flesh to bruises.

Holding a knife to myself, standing over the railing at a school and having one person out of everybody grab me and pull me back into the corridor. Setting up a belt in my wardrobe, having a depressing as heck notebook that would make somebody scream like they were in a horror movie. Taking pills for the sake of it and getting to a point of not being able to do anything without taking pain killers because one day I hoped it would stop the pain.

The fear of messing up, not being good enough, being hated and alone and uninteresting and unloved haunting me while I stay up day after day with no sleep. Feeling too stupid to be anything and too smart because what's the point of being a brainiac if you're ugly and fat too?

So my life is ugly. It's freaking ugly and I hate it and I've been trying to change it for years. I'm not skinny, my face is too chubby, my teeth are scew, my hair is lifeless and falling out, my skin looks like a packet of red m&ms and I'm too smart, not athletic enough, too boring, not artsy enough, unpopular and too quiet?

What do I want? I want to be what is seen as perfect these days and reality is that I can't be that. Reality is that I sit on my phone but I have no messages. I sit on this blog but nobody follows it. I sit in my bed and feel like crying but no tears come out and I'm exhausted but my brain never turns off. I see the photos, the stories, the captions, the perfect lives of all my peers having a good time while I sit alone every day. Just be more social? Even when I am nobody wants me.

But all I am is attention seeking by marking up my body, all I am is a gluttonous freak because I'm fat, I'm a lame nerd because I struggle to speak up and I get good grades (which recently proved to not even be good enough). Ignorance. We don't know each other's stories. Some people don't make it to tell the story.

One day. One day it will be me turning down guys who ask me out, one day it will be me wearing skinny jeans and not looking like an elephant. One day it will be me who is called pretty and is invited to things and has a social life. One day I will be enough. One day I can feel like it's acceptable for me to be happy.

So here's my ugly rant. It's contoversial. It's my raw thoughts. It's real and this blog is the only place I feel safe being real because my name is Cassiopeia...not my real name. My baggage isn't glued to me, my life is unknown. Guys if you have a problem then please talk to me. I want to help. Let me know your ugly because no matter what it is it matters to me. Rant, scream, shout, cry, just let it out because I won't judge. The only person I judge is myself if I'm being blunt. So let's open up the conversation and stop the ignorance.

We need more real.

I love you guys so much and I hope this wasn't a waste of time. I needed to vent so thank you if you read all my crap. Thank you for following and reading this if you did💙

xx Cass xx

[inejbookworm20]

To the people who think we don't have racism in Bangladesh or India and therefore should be focusing on "more serious" issues near home - have you seen our 'Fair and Lovely' commercials? Have you never been called a "negro" for your dark skin? Do you really think racism is not a big issue here because no one has ever died because of their skin colour? Think again. You people cringe at the sight of an African or Black man walking your streets. Your mothers, sisters and daughters have been told to use different types of facial creams, turmeric and milk paste, sandal powders, Upton and even asked to rub the neck and elbows a little harder during shower because it's 'dirty'. It shouldn't be as dark as it is. Even today, moms of our society look for "snow white" daughter-in-laws. We're told we won't get married because of our skin colour. You still think racism isn't an issue here? No one suffers from racism here? I hated my skin colour during my pre-teens and teenage. I always felt like people liked me less and thought I wasn't pretty enough because I was dark, and had facial hair. I thought I looked ugly because my hair was curly. My standards of beauty were "a snow white face and straight shiny hair". Why? Because that's what I grew up learning. What I heard people around me say, and what I experienced. I bet you have heard people say that blacks are violent and should be avoided. A entire community has been pushed away for decades only because of their genetics. That isn't even something they could control! Or even change! We love to quote Martin Luther King Jr. and say "I have a dream", whenever convenient, to sound smart but when we see people fight for the cause he fought for we say "It's not our business. Why are we shouting BLM when it's America's issue and not ours. Why is no one talking about our issues *insert issue*?". It's not that our issues are less important, but it doesn't mean we can't deal with our own issues while supporting a protest against racism in the US. It's an international crisis. No one asked you not to speak up against the bigger crimes in your area, but why do you have to do it as a means of belittling or foreshadowing a long existing discrimination and prejudice? You guys are just the same as American fascists screaming "All lives matter". Of course they do, but right now what matters more is the current issue. Black Lives Matter. Say no to racism. The girl next to you with dark skin, fat nose or big lips and curly hair is NOT ugly. Stop making her feel like that. I had very low self confidence and grew up trying to blend in with any group of people just to be acknowledged and feel acceptable even if I wasn't pretty. Now I know that I don't have to believe in that definition of beauty after all, but it doesn't mean it didn't hurt me in the past. Those who say American issues are not our business are also some of those who'd fly to USA the first chance they got. Drop the hypocrisy and address all global issues equally without trying to snatch the spotlight away from one in order to shine some light on the other. Light a candle for everyone. Say it. Say his name. Say all their names. George Floyd deserves justice. Black people deserve justice. Black Lives Matter.