#“ima teach him how to catch dick”

[bottombaron]

all im saying is that Laszlo loudly declares himself the King of Bottoms and then immediately takes Guillermo under his wing

[lovelyladyabsinthewrites]

My hc as being the daughter of SB and sister to HL:

Soldier Boy/Daughter

His feelings towards having a daughter I would say is very “neutral” given his behavior towards women, he’s more or less pretty awkward about it because now he’s like “Do I have to not act like a dick with this “thing”?”

But surprisingly he TRIES to be less vulgar and does try to protect you in a sense that he knows how men think

One of his main phrases with you is “A lady shouldn’t act like this” basically overall EXTREMELY MISOGYNISTIC sadly you don’t know any better growing up

You learn about womanhood through his various lady friends, don’t even bother asking him because he’ll probably kindly tell you to fuck off KINDLY

Awkward hugs, like “there, there”

Any bully that you may have depends on whether they are male or female

Male = beats the shit out of them, then their dad, then fucks their mom and will probably steal their bike to give to you as a Xmas present, it’s July btw

Female = acts all nice and when no one is looking tells them this “If you keep fucking with my kid, I’m gonna fuck your mom and ima gonna be your new daddy..now give me $20”

He’s gonna keep the $20

Homelander/Sister

SISTER COMPLEX

He did pretty much raise you the minute SB brought you home

Your the only consistency he has in his life, growing up he tries his best to protect you from everything SB related (doesn’t always work)

When SB brings home a lover HL tells you that’s dads special friend and if they are too loud which is all the time he gives you ear muffs and plays the quiet game with you

SB is passed out in the hallway? Oh he’s sick he’ll be fine (probably)

Isn’t particularly happy when the team Payback is around but is glad that they are under SB’s foot

Doesn’t mind Black Noir, both you and HL are pretty attached too him growing up

But as you grow older and venture out and try to make new friends, HL gets extremely jealous wanting to be your ONLY BSF

Calls your friends “sluts” for trying to erase his influence over you and if you get a bf he will totally SNITCH to SB

His fondest memory of you both is when you were kids and trying to avoid SB because he was in one of his moods and you and him were under the covers, you pinky promised him that you’ll never leave him and he’ll never leave you

His “friends” are your friends and doesn’t see anything wrong with that Bc he’s your big bro and he could always use Maeve and Starlight as a scapegoat

SB would hold his baby girl at arm's length, unsure of what to do with this delicate little thing.

first few years of your life he'll dress you up in boy clothes cuz he doesn't want to deal with baby girl clothes with all the pinks and frills. Homelander will be the one to pick you up a yellow onesie with a big sun on the front from a thrift store with his money from being a paper boy

Soldier Boy will find himself growing softer the longer he cares for you. When it's just the two of you at home, he'll even speak softly to you with a lilt of using a baby voice. he'll outright deny it though if Homelander catches him using the voice

the way you learned about periods? one of SB's lady friends left her purse out in the living room and you rifled through it, finding not just her cigarettes but some funny looking torpedo things. she informed you how it worked. literally terrified you because bleeding for four days straight is not normal and SB sure as hell wasn't going to teach you about feminine hygiene.

and from the Crimson Countess you learn that some women also wear the flimsiest underwear.

"Did you see her underwear? It looks like it's made out of floss!" you'd giggle while HL can only flush and tell you that's not what proper ladies wear and steer you the other way

really, the only member of Payback that you and HL liked was Black Noir. he'd draw with you or take you and your brother out if everyone was being too. . . rowdy

Buster Beaver's Pizza Restaurant becomes a favorite

really, Black Noir is the only male HL feels comfortable letting you be around

even his male friends he trusts to a certain degree. never would he leave his sister completely alone with any of them. more like they're his little spies who tell HL of any other bugs scuttling around you

he doesn't like it when you make your own friends who try and pull you away from his side

will do anything to turn you against these 'sluts'.

both of you have bonded through the trauma of growing up with Soldier Boy. huddled under the blankets to ignore the outside world. Homelander holding you close and promising it will always be just the two of you against the rest of the world. and you full heartedly believe him because he'd never lie to you. not your beloved big brother who carries the sun on his shoulders just for you. even if he doesn't like your friends that aren't his. after all, he was just trying to keep you safe. that was his main goal in life.

and frankly, as bad as HL sister complex was, your big brother complex was even bigger

as you were Homelander's only constant, he was your's as well.

@theeonlyroman thank you so much for sending all these HC 😭❤️ i look forward to every single one of them and get so giddy and excited to answer them ❤️