#“i'm just a weirdo who gets attached too easily”

[xenon-demon]

i had some more thoughts about this concept, SO:

Steve and Robin very much have a 10 and Donna Noble type dynamic going on. It's a fifty-fifty gamble on whether they're mistaken for siblings or a couple, which makes them feel either absolutely thrilled or disgusted, respectively. Also, they tried one (1) singular time to weaponise this by saying they're couple as a cover story (they were trying to infiltrate a 13th century royal banquet at the time, a married couple was much less suspicious than a pair of bachelors), only for everyone around them to go "oh you're a couple? You don't seem to like each other very much... I don't know if this is going to work out..."

Robin refers to herself as a Time Lord and not a Time Lady, even though technically the latter is the proper term for a female Time Lord. Soft Butch Robin my beloved <3

She also has a sonic trumpet (Steve is the only one who calls it her sonic trumpet, and Robin gets mad every time because "all trumpets are technically sonic, Steve, they all involve production of sound"). It's a regular trumpet she tinkered with and added technology to until she could use the buttons to alter the sound waves it produces to give it that classic sonic device functionality - while still being able to play it like a regular trumpet when she wants to. It's wildly impractical in a lot of situations but she likes it, damn it Steve, so she's not giving it up! Plus, it's kinda funny watching her run around in a life-or-death situation with a trumpet holstered to her back like it's a rifle or something.

Steve is Just Some Dude from the early 21st century. He's been traveling with Robin for a few years now and is roughly in his early-to-mid twenties, but at this point he doesn't go home very often. With the way he and Robin are attached at the hip, they lose track of time, and while they intended for Steve to maintain at least some of his regular life, the time between his appearances back home are getting longer and longer. He doesn't speak to his parents anymore, at least, so they won't miss him, and he quit his job not long after he started traveling with Robin. The only people he thinks could possibly be missing him are like... the kids from his apartment complex he used to babysit, maybe? Their names were Dustin and Lucas, and then Lucas' little sister Erica, too. But their parents stopped needing him for babysitting at least a good six months before he started traveling with Robin, and then he was working night shift all the time, and then he met Robin and he's barely been home since. Sure, he stops and chats with them when he sees them around the complex, but that's just being polite, it's not like these exceptionally bright young teenagers want to spend time with him. At some point they'll grow up and forget about him, right?

...needless to say, on one of Steve's rare trips back home (he wanted to show Eddie was his home time period is like), Steve and Robin and Eddie come back to find three stowaway teenagers in their TARDIS. These kids are tenacious as hell, good at pattern recognition, and as soon as Dustin realised Steve's once-in-a-blue-moon reappearances coincide with that weird blue box showing up down the street, in the same spot every time, he started researching the shit out of it. Turns out, Robin and Steve aren't too crash hot at hiding the evidence of their time travel from historical documentation.

The rest of the party also gets involved eventually too. Max is from an alien planet in the future with a very trade-based economy (the whole planet is essentially various marketplaces run by different organizational factions, and it's an interplanetary hub for trading). She desperately needs to get away from her step dad and abusive older brother, who have both gotten Significantly Worse since her mother passed away, so when the gang bump into her during a trip it doesn't take much for Steve and Robin to agree to take her with them.

As for El/Mike/Will: Hopper is a former Time Agent from the 51st century who quit when he discovered a spacetime anomaly - Eleven - and decided instead of reporting her (which would turn her into a lab rat for the rest of her life, assuming they let her live) he was going to keep her and raise her himself. El has endogenous time/space travel powers (essentially teleportation, but through time AND space) that she can't control very well, so she ends up in Hawkins in the 1950s by accident one day. This is where she meets Mike and Will, who end up coming with her - also by accident - on her future time travel adventures. It's incredibly dangerous though, even if Hopper is tracking El's hops through time so he can keep an eye out for her and rescue her if needed with his illegally-retained Time Agent technology. Eventually they cross paths with Team TARDIS and the party immediately becomes a box set. Do Not Separate Them.

In a steddie doctor who AU neither of them are the doctor. ROBIN is the doctor and Steve is her long term companion who basically just lives in the TARDIS with her because he didn’t have a whole lot keeping him where he was originally from. They meet Eddie when they’re in Hawkins in the 80s investigating some strange events that scream of spacetime fuckery and Steve goes “can we keep him 🥺” and Robin says yes absolutely - after hitting Steve with the I Know What You Are eyes of course. Once it’s established he can come back without anyone missing him (cause yknow, time travel) Eddie is thrilled to come with them because oh my god??? Aliens are real??? TIME TRAVEL is real???? Eddie’s got enough self-authored Star Trek fanfiction hidden under his bed to not need to think twice about this decision, okay.

Cue adventures and shenanigans and Eddie having the classic companion dilemma of “I love travelling with you and also am kinda falling in love with Steve but I also have friends (the CC boys) and family (Wayne) I really care about waiting for me back in Hawkins that I can’t just abandon”. I’m thinking the solution to that is something along the lines of Steve settling down with Eddie and staying with him on Earth, either in his original time in Hawkins or somewhere/sometime else with Robin generously helping Wayne out so he can go with them.

Also Eddie demands they use time travel for the greatest possible good: allowing him to see all his favourite metal bands live in concert in their prime.

[catgirlzugy]

still in disbelief about how mizu5 genuinely captures the subtleties of transmisogyny so accurately like nothing else i've seen before especially with the nuances with which mizuki's story is told … all it takes is a single sentence, a few words … i love that the classmates saying that shit don't even … realize how cruel they are, bc that's how it /is/ and bc "oh no, we said something weird to a Normal Girl, that makes us look bad" - transmisogyny is just a punchline to a joke for them, that's how detached they are from their own cruelty and it's really not any different from the 'average' misogyny and how that tends to be a joke amongst boys. what ena ended up being exposed to is really just the classmates' 'boy's locker room talk' leaking out, so to speak? ena's probably heard jokes from people about how unfeminine her behavior is in the past and she quickly spits out "that's not funny" bc ena and mizuki are both "pretty girls" who like fashion and dolling themselves up, and hearing them talk about how mizuki's cute in this way … i'm sure it reminds her of her own experiences with being an 'influencer' - people like her when she shuts up and makes herself cute and appealing and ena must've absolutely received her fair share of comments and messages from weirdos for posting selfies of herself online, but i think what drives this home to me as such a fantastic narrative is the way that they call mizuki "attractive as long as she's not making any trouble and being a pain" bc it really speaks to how trans girls are objectified and only deemed 'acceptable' as long as they make themselves into limpless dolls who are acceptable targets for any form of abuse and misogyny instead of trying to claim their own subjectivity as women, so there's so much crossover in how mizuki's experiences work alongside ena's? but also mizuki faces so much more constant and direct criticism, all her actions and choices so closely under scrutiny.

mizuki loves and appreciates the attention of girls and when she first met ena she saw herself in the art that ena made - ena draws a girl in pain and mizuki goes "she's me". in the scene where mizuki gets outed, ena is speechless not bc she thinks mizuki is "gross" or bc she's mad mizuki "tricked" her? she's just horrified that she just got degendered /by association/ and then had to listen to these boys speak about the girl she's in love with in this /aggressively/ violent way, especially since mizuki has a meltdown, knowing, apologizing for hurting, even as ena would absolutely say "no, i'm sorry, im sorry, please don't hate vourself" bc mizuki feels like she's the one at fault for feeling like ena would assume the worst of her, but mizuki also feels like she doesn't have the right to be angry at people … this is the first time we get to see mizuki's rage and it's so palpable … i love so much that she hates the idea of niigo's kindness being born out of her 'abnormality' as a trans girl … she hates everything about this. she hates the idea of coming out, she hates the idea of having a question attached to her girlhood..

mizuki logically knows that niigo are going to accept her bc they've also gone through so much turmoil themselves and understand what it's like to be on the fringes of society, but she still can't shake off all those intrusive thoughts about how they might only accept her out of pity or consideration bc they feel too bad for her rather than a genuine understanding and the idea that things might change between them bc of that is too terrifying to embrace… such patronizing 'kindness' burns too much for mizuki to accept, so she'd rather run away and shut herself out completely… for mizuki it's like being stuck on a bridge where the only two ways out are ones where nothing changes and this hurts in its own way bc she can't tell how much of it would be genuine and how much would be an act and the other way is them /trying too hard/ to be considerate and this can easily become alienating bc mizuki truly just wants to be "one of the girls" in the most natural sense? she doesn't want to be made to feel like she's being accommodated, but there's also all the guilt that she's been internalizing for being "deceptive" and not saying the truth sooner that further complicates things and makes her feel like she's undeserving of any kindness that she may be offered… even though she genuinely was going to tell ena the truth herself, it doesn't matter anymore bc someone else told her before she even got the chance to do so herself and that's something she actually wished would happen in the past, so is there anyone to blame but herself? mizuki's entire thing is that until now she's been "writing" a fictionalized cis girl version of herself when she's with niigo and obscuring her own transness bc she doesn't want to be treated as an Other or have an asterisk attached to her girlhood bc she just wants to be treated as one of them instead of having to explain herself or prove anything but she has her facade violently stripped away from her in the most traumatic way imaginable and now she's entrapped within dysphoria induced suicidal ideation...

[alexxncl]

masterlist | drabbles/hcs

so we all know the boys have familiars, right? idk if i'm blanking ot stupid or just don't remember, but i literally don't know what more than half of them are 😭

lucifer has peacocks ?

mammon has his crows

levi has lotan...i think

satan ??

asmo ???

beel has flies ig ????

is belphie's a cow ?????

like was this ever mentioned bc i feel like i'm losing my mind

ok but imagine a big ass peacock following you around in the human realm, but you're the only one who can see it bc of your pact with lucifer. like you're out with your friends, and then the bitch pops up out of nowhere and you have to act like nothing's happening

mammon's crows would always find a way to perch up on your shoulder or your forearm or your head. you'd wake up to them standing on your nose or your chest with a little note or smth. and mammon wouldn't even have to tell the crows to follow you, they'd do it on their own bc they love you like he does and they hate seeing their demon's favorite human being lonely

lotan...terrifying in theory. but i feel like he's just a big puppy idk. just give him treats and a note for levi and he'll cooperate. there should be some kind of spell to make him portable so he could follow you around like a tiny snake, or erap himself around your shoulders or arms or smth

maybe satan has a bird too? he's technically very intertwined with lucifer given the circumstances of his birth (are the feathers on his boa from the wings lucifer ripped off??? more on this here)

maybe asmo's is a snake. yk how the serpent tempted adam and eve or whatever. temptation and lust go hand in hand, i think it'd be interesting if his familiar had some kind if symbolic attachment to lust or temptation. what other animals could it be??

accidentally swatting one of beel's flies without realizing and seriously injuring it (idk i feel like they cant die easily) and then beel being all sad when you come back like "i just wanted to make sure you were ok 🥺"

but a cow ??? i feel like that'd be more annoying than anything 😭 getting whipped with its tail on accident and your friends looking at you like you're insane for flinching and jumping out of nowhere. or waking up to the thing mooing in your face

UPDATE i now know satan's familiar is a unicorn and asmo's is a scorpion

a unicorn following you around would be hilarious but also surreal ??? like imagine almost being late to work or an appointment and then satan's unicorn pops up out of nowhere and just flies you to your job sndhdjdhh

idk about y'all but the idea of scorpions scare me...i feel like asmo's would be cute tho. like a tiny, bright pink scorpion with a bedazzled tail that protects you from creeps whenever you're out partying or bar hopping with your friends. it'll stab them with its tail and the weirdo will leave you alone

[wildernessuntothemselves]

Heaven is not fit to house a love (like you and I) | Part 1

Word Count: 5.9k

Genre: smut, angst

Summary: When you first met your boyfriend, it was love at first sight. No, more than that. It was love before you even met. It felt like you had known each other in another life and were meant to find each other again. 

But that's not actually true, is it? You and Beomgyu don't actually know each other from another life, and the dreams you've been having aren't memories of your past life either. That's ridiculous. 

But then why does Beomgyu get so defensive about them? And why does each dream feel more real than the one before? 

A/N: this is the sequel to my series YAMQN but I'm trying to write it in a way that it would be comprehensible to people who have never read YAMQN. The parts in italic are the dreams. 

Warnings: fucking on furniture, orgasm control, premature ejaculation, masturbation, PIV sex, toxic relationships.

“Stay home” Beomgyu holds you from behind, kissing your neck

“We can’t. I’ve canceled on them too many times now.” You whine. Beomgyu keeps doing this. Every time you try to hang out with your friends he pouts and whines until you stay home with him. It was cute at first–how he couldn’t get enough of you–but now your friends are actually getting pissed at the both of you. 

“But I missed you.” You can feel his pout on your skin as his lips brush over it. 

“We hang out every day. We live together!” You protest, but you’re unable to keep the chuckle from your voice.

“I know but that’s not what I mean.” He mumbles cryptically and you turn your head towards him. “Then what do you mean?” 

He flushes and buries his face in the crook of your neck so you wouldn’t see him. “Never mind. It’s stupid”

You grab his long hair, gently lifting his head up so you can lock eyes with him. “No, tell me.”

He lets out a shaky sigh. “It’s just… you ever feel like you and someone else are two halves of the same soul and you’ve spent and will spend all your lifetimes trying to reunite with them and when you finally do, you just can’t bear to let go?”

You’re rendered speechless by his impassioned, if self-conscious, speech because it captured exactly what you’ve always felt about him but was too scared to say in case you scare him off. 

You met Beomgyu while at work at the coffee shop at the local mall around christmas time last year. You spotted this adorable guy in front of your store dressed in the most ridiculous teddy bear sweater you’ve ever seen, collecting donations to buy toys for the kids at the local shelters. You fell for him at first sight and wherever he’d show up, you’d spend your entire shift stealing glances at him to the point that even your coworkers noticed. You couldn’t get over how sweet what he was doing was and you so badly wanted to go up to him and tell him that but you didn’t want to come across as a weirdo. It was only after your coworkers’ incessant nagging that you finally mustered up the courage to go up to him, hot drink in hand, offering it to him and telling him how much you admired what he was doing and how cute he his sweater was. 

The conversation flowed much more easily than you could have ever anticipated–almost like you two were meant to be–and from then on it became your daily routine to bring him a cup of coffee during your break and have a chat with him until you were yelled at by your boss for taking too long. 

And when Christmas day was fast approaching and the both of you knew he wouldn’t be there much longer, a snarky comment from your boss finally brought the two of you together and forced you to get over your trepidation. 

“Oh, for fuck’s sake. She likes you. He likes you. She finishes her shift at 6. Come pick her up. She likes sunflowers.” 

And that is how you and Beomgyu started dating. 

“Well now I can't go.” You lament, and he smiles radiantly, victorious. 

God your friends are gonna be so mad.

But it’s hard to think about that when his lips are attached to your neck, sucking at your most sensitive spots as he grinds his dick into your ass. 

“You look so sexy in that dress.” He murmurs wantonly, groping your tits coarsely over said dress. 

“Careful or you’re gonna blow your load on my ass.” You tease, referring to the first time you two got intimate. He was so excited then that he ended up cumming just from a little grinding. He’s lucky he’s so cute and that you found his enthusiasm endearing because if any other guy had cum so prematurely like that, you would’ve probably kicked his ass out the door. But also he ended up eating you out for the rest of the night until your legs turned into jelly to make it up to you, so it wasn’t too bad. 

Beomgyu pulls your dress down over your tits so he can play with them directly as he sucks on the skin of your neck, and you can feel your arousal begin to build up between your legs. 

"Beomgyu…" 

"My sensitive baby." He chuckles, index fingers flicking your nipples. You squeeze your thighs together in need and push your ass back against his cock pointedly. "Fuck me, Beomgyu."

It doesn’t take much prompting to get Beomgyu to give in. He has always been needy for you and today was no different. He pushes you against the table, flipping the skirt of your dress up and pulling your underwear out of the way before he pushes himself inside you, filling you up so perfectly as if he was made for you. 

“Oh, Beomgyu…” You gasp, clawing at the wooden surface of the table. This is hardly new to you. Beomgyu has fucked you on every surface of this house, many times. He's insatiable. He just can't get enough of you, and neither you him. 

“Baby, I don’t think I will last long.” He grunts into your ear and you chuckle breathlessly. “Of course not. You never could resist my pussy, huh?”

“No.” He shakes his head, driving his cock into you harshly. 

“Then cum. Show me how much you need me.” 

“Fuck, I do. I do, baby.” He groans, pressing his hips flush against your ass as he empties his seed inside of you. 

“Well, that was quick.” You giggle when he catches his breath and he whines, flipping you over on your back and pulling your thighs up against your body. You know what’s coming next. Beomgyu can never leave you unsatisfied and when he finishes too early like this he usually makes it up to you by giving you the best oral of your life. 

But when he sees his cum dripping out of your swollen pussy, he stops and stares, almost hypnotized by the sight, and a far away look takes over his face. 

"What?" You ask, pulling him out of his thoughts. "Nothing."

“Do you like seeing me dripping with your seed? Are you thinking of knocking me up?” You tease, and his head snaps up to look at you at a neck-breaking speed, a horrified look on his face. 

Fuck, did you read the situation wrong? Why did you say that? You don’t know why you said that!

Actually you do. You had another one of your dreams today–the ones where Beomgyu is a prince and you’re a lady at court and you’re in love. Beomgyu doesn’t like hearing about them much. He calls them silly and always brushes them off, not wanting to hear about them. But his lack of enthusiasm doesn’t stop you from having them, and each one feels more real than the other, as if it had actually happened. As if you were recalling memories of a previous life. And the latest dream was no different. 

"Our children are not going to want for anything.” Dream Beomgyu says, hand splayed protectively over your tummy. 

“What?” Real-life Beomgyu sputters, and you explain yourself shyly, sitting up and covering yourself as you chuckle nervously. “I just… I had a dream that I was pregnant with your baby. You know, when you were a prince…” 

But Beomgyu doesn’t share your laughter. His face immediately hardens and his reaction this time surpasses mere distaste and veers into anger.. “I was never a prince. None of your dreams ever happened. They’re just meaningless dreams. Don’t be stupid.” 

"Stupid?" You draw back at the sudden outburst. 

"Yes. The whole prince thing is stupid. You need to get out of your head and come back to reality. The whimsical, superstitious act is not cute anymore." He snaps, far too much vitriol in his voice for such a silly topic.

"Why are you being such an ass? Would it hurt you to just listen and laugh with me? Or is the idea of us having a baby together so appalling to you?" You don’t know why you’re going so hard to defend your dreams or why he feels the need to tear them down, but you can’t ignore the sudden shift after he heard you mention the possibility of having a child together, and his answering laugh cuts you deep.

"You don't know anything." Beomgyu says, getting cryptic like he always gets whenever you talk about your dreams. Usually you’d let it go, but not this time. Not when he was so disgusted with the idea of having a child with you.  

"Don't know what?" You ask, frustrated. “That you find the thought of having a child with me so appalling?”

"I don't want to talk about this right now."

Of course, he never wants to talk about it. He always runs away whenever the topic of discussion gets too serious for his liking. For a guy who is so self-proclaimed obsessed with you, he sure does work hard to avoid these meaningful talks. Well, if he wants to avoid it so bad then you’ll make it easy for him. 

"Fine." You hop off the table and go to the bathroom to clean yourself up and change your underwear before going back out, intending to leave the apartment to get some fresh air and most importantly, to get away from Beomgyu. 

But Beomgyu has other ideas, following you at every step like a second shadow, and when he sees you going for the door, he steps in between you and it. "Where are you going?"

"Out."

"I'm coming with you." He states decidedly and you can’t keep the snort out of your mouth. He always does this. He always makes decisions for you. Well, not this time. "No. I need space." 

But he shakes his head firmly. "You're angry. I don't want to let you go angry."

Beomgyu always hated parting from you on bad terms. He always needed to make sure everything was okay before he let you out of his sight. It was sweet at first. You might’ve even considered it healthy at some point, but right now it’s driving you up the wall. Arguments can't always be resolved on the spot, especially when one party refuses to even talk, and so forcing you to be together just ends up with you lashing out because you can't blow off steam. 

But Beomgyu doesn’t care. He just doesn't want you out of his sight. 

"Beomgyu, for fuck's sake, get out of my way. I don’t want to be around you right now." 

"You know I can't let you go angry." He reiterates as if that is a necessity you had to cave to. 

"You're going to have to learn to. If you won’t talk to me then you have to at least give me some space.”

“I can’t.”

“You have to.” You shout, angry and fed up with him. “I don't know what the fuck happened to you in the past to traumatize you like this, because god knows you refuse to tell me, but I can’t coddle you about it anymore. I need to take a breather and I don’t care if you–”

"I lost a baby before." He utters softly but it was deafening to you. 

"What?" 

“Me and my ex, we had a baby on the way but I lost both of them. That’s why the idea of having a baby freaks me out so much. I can’t handle losing another one. I can’t handle losing you.… it’s just–it’s–” He starts tearing and stuttering his words, looking distraught as he attempts to explain himself to you, and you feel absolutely wretched for doubting him. You’re such a fucking bitch for forcing him to reveal this to you, but you’re also selfishly glad he did. Even this tiny sliver of his past is much needed context to explain the man you love so dearly. 

“I—I don’t know what to say.” You pathetically utter after an exorbitant amount of time, never having expected such a revelation. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

You take him into your arms and he sobs against you, holding onto you tightly. "I want to have a child with you. Nothing would make me happier. You have no idea. But I'm just too scared." 

“It’s okay, baby. I don’t want to have a child right now. We can talk about it again in the future. We’ll work it out together, okay?” You pull back slightly–not stepping out of his tight embrace, not that he would’ve let you–and take his face into your hands, wiping his tears off. 

He nods pitifully. “Okay.” 

You should’ve left it at that. He’s in a bad state. You should be comforting him right now, but you’re selfish and this might be the only time he’ll open up to you, and now you have to know. 

"Did… did you love her?" 

"With all my heart." He doesn’t hesitate in answering and you feel a pang of jealousy towards his deceased lover. How fucked up, is that? "More than me?"

He is quiet for a while and every second that passes in silence tears your heart apart. 

"There is no one I love more than you." He finally says and you let out a sigh of relief that was entirely too obvious. 

“Oh god, I’m so sorry. I’m being such a bitch. I’m jealous of a dead girl, how crazy is that?” You ramble nervously, but Beomgyu stops you with a kiss. 

“That’s okay, baby. I know you don’t mean it like that.” He reassures you and you sigh in relief once more. He never judges you for the messed up thoughts you sometimes get. He always understands and emphasizes and that’s part of the reason why you love him so much. 

Still you keep the rest of your questions about her to yourself. It must be a sore subject for him given how he was so protective of it before. The only thing you need to know right now is that you’re the love of his life, not her, not anyone else. You.

____________________

“He’s not trying to keep me away from you. He’s just really clingy. No, he’s not manipulating me–” Your heated defense of your boyfriend is cut off when you spot said boyfriend standing in the doorway of the kitchen where you had been taking your friend’s call so he wouldn’t overhear it. Well, so much for that.

“Oh shit, I'll call you back.” You mutter to your friend and end the call, cutting off the protests on the other line. 

“Was that Yunjin?” He asks and you nod guiltily. Yunjin doesn’t like Beomgyu. She made that very clear to the point that despite you not telling him, he knows it well. 

“She’s just being Yunjin. Don’t mind her.” You try to smooth things over but he shakes his head. “No, it’s my fault. I’m not helping things by keeping you all to myself. It’s just because I love being with you so much, you know that right?”

“I know, baby.” You walk towards him, wrapping your arms around his neck. “I love spending time with you too–hey, here’s an idea. Why don’t you come along? It would be killing two birds with one stone, hanging out with my friends while still being with you. And it’s been so long since they’ve last seen you. I’m sure once they get a look at your cute face, they’d forget all their reservations.” 

You laugh, but Beomgyu looks nervous. “I don’t know. They don’t really like me anymore.” 

“Because they don’t see much of you and you’re taking over all my attention. If they see more of you, they’d fall in love with you all over again.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“I’m sure. You’re irresistible, puppy.” 

_________________________________________

And just like you said, things go well. After your friends get over the initial annoyance that you brought Beomgyu along, they start warming up to him once the conversation starts flowing and Beomgyu’s radiant personality shines through. You’ve even caught Yunjin crack a smile or two at his antics. 

But all your high hopes come crashing down when another person joins your party. The stranger’s name is Taehyun, and he’s apparently the new roommate of one of your friends, which is fine enough, he seems like a nice guy and you’ve always welcomed new additions to your group. 

Beomgyu on the other hand, must feel differently, because as soon as Taehyun joins you, his whole demeanor shifts and he becomes closed off and snappy, getting mean with his comments that were all seemingly directed at the newcomer. It was starting to ruin the mood, making your friends mad again, and so when he makes yet another snarky remark to something Taehyun innocuously said, you have to pull him aside and ask him what his problem is. 

“What the fuck are you doing, Beomgyu? My friends were just starting to warm up to you again. Why are you being such a dick?” 

“I want to go home. I don’t feel very good.” He lies, and you know it’s a lie because he doesn’t sell it very well, glaring daggers at the table where your friends are seated.

“Then go home.” You snap, having little remaining patience for his behavior. 

He gives you a look of betrayal. “You know I can’t leave without you.” 

“You’re going to have to if you can’t act like a fucking adult. The reason I invited you is because I wanted to help smooth things over between you and my friends. I wanted to prove to them that you’re not the manipulative asshole they think you are, but honestly the way you’re acting right now, makes me wonder if maybe they are right and–”

“No they’re not.” He cuts you off, lips tightly pressed together. “Fine, we'll stay.” 

“Beomgyu…” You eye him with doubt but he insists. “I’m fine. Let's go.” 

He drags you back to the table and you stop your protests so your friends can’t hear it. 

Beomgyu is quiet for a while, which doesn’t make for pleasant company, but at least he’s not being an asshole. Well, not for a bit anyway. Because once Taehyun mentions he’s looking for a job and you tell him that your place of work is hiring, Beomgyu starts acting up again.  

“I’m sure he doesn’t want to work as a barista, honey.” Beomgyu speaks over you, but Taehyun rebuts him. “I do. The hours sound good for a student like me and the work doesn’t sound too hard. It’s perfect.”

Once again, Beomgyu speaks instead of you. “But you seem like an intelligent guy. Surely serving coffee to other people would be embarrassing for you.”

“What the hell, Beomgyu?” You hiss, mortified at his implication, and in front of all your friends too. Is that what he really thinks? Does he think your job is embarrassing?

“I just mean that he could be doing something else.” 

“And what does that make me? A loser who isn’t good for anything except serving people coffee, a job you apparently think is humiliating for someone intelligent to have?” 

“You’re overthinking it, baby. I didn’t mean–”

“Oh, I didn’t think my dumb brain was capable of overthinking.” You laugh tearfully, and stand up before your friends could see you cry. “Excuse me.” 

You storm out of the restaurant and Beomgyu follows after you. 

“Baby!” 

You whip around and scream at him. “If you think what I do is so demeaning then why are you even with me?”

“I don’t think that.” He denies vehemently, “I just didn’t want him to work with you. I got bad vibes from that dude.” 

"Not this again.” You groan. Of course this is why he was behaving in such a bizarre and rude manner. Beomgyu is a jealous guy. You tried reassuring him a million times that he’s the only guy for you but to no avail. He gets paranoid and thinks every guy you interact with will steal you away from him, and here he is doing it again. “Are you seriously fucking jealous of a guy I don’t even know?"

“I am not jealous.” He tries to deny, badly. “I told you I got bad vibes from him.”

“Bad vibes?” You laugh hysterically. “If bad vibes are all it takes then I would’ve broken up with you long ago because all my friends got bad vibes from you.” 

He rolls his eyes. “Your friends hate me. They’ll say anything to tear us apart. I bet they even invited that guy just to piss me off.” 

"Oh my god, are you listening to yourself? You’re so–ugh, just please leave me alone, Beomgyu." You try to walk away from him but he quickly reaches out and grabs you by the arm, turning you around to face him, freaked out. "No, please stay."

"Let me go, Beomgyu." You demand, your anger bubbling to dangerous level but Beomgyu stand firm. “No. You can’t leave me.”

“Let me go.” 

“No.” 

“I’m serious, Beomgyu. Leave me the fuck alone.” 

“No.”

You can’t help it. He’s driving you insane, and you can’t hold back anymore. You slap him. 

But you immediately regret it when you see the red mark beginning to bloom across his cheek. 

"Oh god, I'm so sorry. You just drive me–" He kisses you passionately, holding onto you even tighter. 

"Do anything you want to me, I don’t mind. Just don't leave me." He breathes against your lips, eyes looking crazed in their desperation. 

God, this is sick. You shouldn’t entertain this kind of twisted trade-off. You should push him away and demand he leave you be. You shouldn’t take him up on his offer to let you unload your frustrations physically onto him. Maybe you should even end it…

But you can’t. You’re as invested in this as he is. You don’t want to break up with him. You don’t want to leave him. You just want to punish him for the crazy way he’s behaving. You want to feel like you’re not letting him get away with this without actually having to break up with him .

And so you accept his sick offer.

_______________________________

"You're so pathetic, Beomgyu." 

He shudders at your words, and you don’t know if he likes it or hates it. All you know is he tries to reach out to you but his hands are held back by the bindings you’ve fashioned out of your scarves. 

He cries out for you but you have no mercy for him. This is the punishment he chose for himself and you’ll be damned if you don’t make the most of it. 

“You’ve really pissed me off this time, Beomgyu. Acted so crazy just so I wouldn’t leave you. Well, now you get to sit back and watch me fuck myself and you can do nothing about it.” You taunt him as you ride the dildo you have strapped around his abdomen, his own cock brushing up against your ass every time you move, getting enough stimulation to keep him hard but not nearly enough to get him off. 

"Please, sit on my cock. It feels better than that plastic toy. I'm all hard and ready for you. Ride me, please. Cum on my dick. Use me instead of that toy." He babbles, but you don’t listen. 

You want to make him suffer, and you’re scared to dwell too long on where that emotion comes from. You love your boyfriend. You’ve never wanted to hurt him before, but he really pushed you too far this time. 

"You did this. You’re making me do this to you. You’re being a terrible boyfriend." 

"No, don’t say that.” He shakes his head vehemently, getting teary. “I'm sorry. I’ll do anything to make it better. Whatever you want." 

"Will you let him work with me?" You hazard to ask and his face immediately transforms. "No." 

You scoff–so much for being apologetic–and ride the dildo faster, moaning out loud just to piss him off. You see him struggling and feel him trying to buck his hips against you but he can’t accomplish much more than his cock just grazing your ass. 

Still, you can feel the wetness from the precum touching your skin. “You’re fucking ridiculous.” 

“You just don’t know what you are to me.” He counters, leaving you speechless. One thing about Beomgyu is that he will never fail to tell you just how much you mean to him. It’s why you’ve always been so weak when it comes to him. 

But that doesn’t mean you can’t punish him for his behavior. “Clearly not much if you don’t even trust me to work with him.” 

“You don’t know.” He insists, but doesn’t deny your claim which pisses you off even more. 

“Don’t know what? That you think I’ll cheat on you if given the slightest chance? Is that something she did to you? Is that why you’re so fucked up?”

His silence is all you need to know, and you don’t know if you should feel bad for him that the woman he loved so much cheated on him, or angry that he assumes you would do the same just because she did. 

“Fuck you, Beomgyu.” The two emotions mix together and fuel you further, and you put your hand between your legs to touch yourself, getting yourself off if only just to spite him, knowing how much he needs to always be the cause of your pleasure. 

“Baby, please.” He begs, seeing you inch closer to your end, and it’s killing him that he’s not the reason for it. Little does he know that his desperation and blinding need for you is the greatest contributor to your impending fall over the edge. 

But you don’t let him know that, jumping erratically on the dildo and attacking your poor clit with your fingers, sending yourself off on the most emotionally exhausting orgasm of your life. 

“Baby…” You can hear him whimper pitifully in the background, his shape blurry in front of you as you fight off your own tears. “Baby…”

“What is it?” You hiss after your orgasm passes, anger finally overpowering the lust. “Do you want to cum? Is that what you’re concerned about? Your dick?”

“That’s not it.” He tries to deny it but you’re already untying him. And despite his denial, as soon as his hands are free, he tries to reach out to grab you but you take his hands and forcefully pull them off your body. He tries to fight you but you hiss sharply at him, "Stay." 

He whimpers but listens, and when he looks like he won’t go back on his words, you let go of his hands. "Touch yourself."

"I want you to touch me." He whines and you slap his thigh. "You don't get to make demands. Not after the way you behaved in front of my friends. You embarrassed me!"

"I'm sorry." He mewls, one hand going to his dick and the other playing with his nipples, putting on a show for you, needing to gain your favor once again. Which is precisely why you lean over him to grab your phone from the night stand and unlock it, pretending to be scrolling through it as he jerks off. 

“Baby!” He protests heatedly, reaching out to touch you. Beomgyu fucking hates it when you don’t give him any attention. He withers without it.  

“Did I say you could touch me?” You seethe, not bothering to take his hands off this time, opting instead to intimidate him into it, and thankfully he retracts his hands at your tone as if it had burned him. 

“Keep jerking off.” You instruct, and as soon as he does, you go back to looking at your phone. 

"Look at me." He whines, but doesn’t stop this time. You can hear the wet sounds of his hand moving over his cock and see the movement out of the corner of your eyes.

“Please.” 

You ignore him. 

“Just look at me.” 

You keep looking at your phone. 

"Princess…."

You snap your head up, narrowing your eyes at him. He never called you that. In fact, he almost makes it a point not to call you that so he wouldn’t “feed into your prince delusion”. So for him to say that right now was really low. Not that Beomgyu cared, as long as he had your attention. 

"Yeah, yeah, that's it." He moans, thrusting into his fist.

Maybe it's sick. Maybe you're enabling his behavior but god, was it so sexy to have him so completely obsessed with you that just your gaze is enough to get him off. 

“Is this what you want, Beomgyu? For me to look at you and see how you’re such a pathetic slut that you can’t even get off without me giving you my attention?” 

Beomgyu doesn’t even try to deny it, nodding enthusiastically. “Yes. Never want you to look away from me. I missed you so much.” He hiccups, thrusting up into his tight fist. 

Here he goes again, talking about how much he misses you. You’re sure if you spend every single second of your life with him he’d still complain about missing you. You can’t call him out too much on it though–not when you feel the same, not when you thrive on it. 

“Can I cum?” Beomgyu asks breathlessly and you sneer down at him. “No.” 

He lets out a heart-broken moan, hand clenching at your thigh. “No. Please. Need to cum.”

"You don't deserve it. Stop." You say cooly, and he wails. "Please. I need to cum. I can’t–I can’t.”

His voice gets high and breathy, strung out, but you don’t care. No, you relish in it, knowing what you’ll make him do next. "Stop."

He cries out, shaking his head violently, not stopping. "No. No. I need it."

You can see how close he is. You can see his cock flushing red, his balls tightening and his precum pouring out of his head. You have to put a stop to it, physically removing his hands yourself, but as soon as you touch him he loses it, staining your belly with his cum. 

"Ah--ah--oh god–please touch me–please." He bucks his hips in the air, unable to reach you, and cries, tears pouring down his face. "I love you. I love you. Please use me. Please don't leave me.” 

You've never been this rough with Beomgyu and for a second you wonder if you're going too far, but he looks so fucked out by the way you’re being mean to him that you can’t back down now.

Still he is your sweetheart. He’ll always be your sweetheart and you can’t bear to see him in such distress, even if he brought it onto himself with his jealous and obsessive ways.

"Hush, Beomgyu." You murmur, grabbing his dick and jerking him off. He gasps from the overstimulation, his hooded eyes blowing wide as he grabs onto the sheets, but he doesn’t stop you, thrusting his hips up into your grip instead. 

"Ah–oh fuck–AHH–" 

"Cum for me, Beomgyu." Your hand blurs over his cock, wet slapping sounds filling the room as your fist collides with his balls on each downstroke. 

"Yes–princess–all for you." If you didn’t know any better, you would’ve found the sound of him calling you ‘princess’ the most natural thing in the world. As if he had always done it. As if he truly believes it. 

But it’s all just to get you to give him what he wants, and sadly, it works. You’re as weak for him as he is for you. It’s unhealthy–is what your friends have told you after his charms have worn off in their eyes, but you fear it would never wear off for you. You’re absolutely, sickeningly in love with him and that’s why you’ll always make excuses to let him do the crazy things he does to you and for you. 

And the things you do to him. 

Beomgyu looks spent after his orgasm and he tries to pull you down in his arms to cuddle, but you stop him. 

"Wait a second." You say, grabbing a few tissues and wiping yourselves off. 

His hold on you remains so tight you feel his heart beat furiously against your chest. "I'm sorry for what I’ve said. I just don't want you to work with him."

You look up at him, mind a little clearer now that you’re all wrapped up in his warmth, feeling safe in his embrace. 

"I will work with him. You need to get over your jealousy. I've had enough." You inform him simply. Yes, you’ve done nothing but entertain his delusions so far, but it’s high time for you to starting actually doing something about it. You know you’ll only be ruining yourself later if you don’t. Who knows what he’ll demand next if you let this go. For you to not talk to other men? To stop seeing your friends who are trying to tear you apart? To quit your job so you’d always be around him? No, you have to put your foot down now. 

Beomgyu looks so pissed off at what you’ve said, but he doesn’t say anything. He just holds you tightly, burying his face in your neck and gripping onto you so hard, you’re sure his fingers will leave marks. That’s fine. You’ll just wear something to cover the bruises. Just as long as you make this work. 

________________________________________

That night, you have another dream about prince Beomgyu, but this time a new character makes an appearance, and that is Lord Taehyun. 

"What are you doing here?" Dream Beomgyu bursts into your room, finding you and Taehyun together. 

"I came to visit the lady." Taehyun’s demeanor appears relaxed but you can see the tension around the edges of his mouth.

"Beomgyu, relax–" You try to calm him down, and he turns on you. "How long has he been here? Did he do anything to you?" 

“No, we just talked!” You snap, trying to yank your hand back from him but his grip is bruisingly-tight.“How did he get in?” 

“That’s none of your business.” You refuse to tell him but that just sets him off.

“You are my business.” He shouts, making Taehyun get up, “Let her go. You’re hurting her.” 

“Fuck you.” Beomgyu was becoming aggressive, and Taehyun looked quite on edge himself. You knew you had to be the one to de-escalate this situation before it exploded so you step closer to Beomgyu and hiss in his ear. “Get a grip, Beomgyu.” You hiss lowly at him then turn to Taehyun with an apologetic look. “I’m sorry, Taehyun. I need to talk to Beomgyu privately.” 

The dream ends there, and when you wake up in the morning, you make no mention of it to Beomgyu.

_____________________

A/N: Well its' finally here folks. Don't know how many chapter this will be but I hope you like it anyway.

[strangemaleswaps]

Strange Beach Bod Swap

"Tyler, hurry up you lameass!"

I quickly ran through the crowded beach to the shallow water where my fraternity brothers were about to take a group picture. I've always hated them but I really can't leave because it'd ruin my reputation. Once you're pledged to a fraternity, you can’t just easily leave and with the way my brothers are, they’d get revenge if I tried. So I'm stuck with a bunch of assholes. I don't even know why I joined in the first place, I should've known I wouldn't fit in.

"Hurry up and take the pic so we can get on with our lives!" One of the brothers yelled.

"All right, all right."

They set up a tripod, one guy placed a phone on it, we all got into position, but a second before it snapped, the guy on my right shoved me into the water.

"Hey!" Upon seeing the photo, everyone laughed their asses off at me flying through the air.

"Ha! We're keeping this one!"

We went to the beach to have some fun but all I felt was misery. While it's true the frat did encourage me to better myself physically, giving me a diet plan and exercise program in order to look my best, it was all for their reputation, not for me. All I have for myself is a pretty sick bod with abs. It's one of the only things I'm proud of.

I walked over to my beach towel, intending to relax the rest of the trip when a fat old guy approached me as I sat down.

"I saw that you know."

"Saw what?" I looked up at him but could barely see his face past the enormous belly and man tits.

"The way they treated you. Sounds like a bunch of assholes."

"Yeah well I'm stuck with them so..." I thought he would walk away after that but instead he stood for a minute.

"I may have something that will help you, if you want?”

“Whatever.”

“Then here lay down." He pointed at my towel. I had no idea what he was talking about but I laid down on my towel, only because I was going to do that in the first place. Maybe he'll go away now. I closed my eyes and started to relax. After a minute I decided he was gone...until I felt someone put their hands on mine.

I got up suddenly, ready to throw punches at this pot-bellied weirdo, who was probably about to violate me, when I realized something was off. I...couldn't. It felt like there was a heavy weight on my chest preventing me from getting up. The man was nowhere to be seen so I looked at my chest to see what was weighing me down, my eyes widening at the sight.

There was no weight on it, I AM the weight! My abs were completely gone and had been replaced with a flabby mass. I could see my nipples rolled to the side facing outward, since they were now attached to a saggy pair of man tits. They were kinda big too, and stuck out way further than my old ones ever did. Without hesitation, I went and touched them. It was wild. I didn't expect my nipples to be so sensitive since they were so far out from the rest of my body, but the sensation was like a surge that went straight to my dick...oh shit my dick! I couldn't even see my own swimsuit anymore! This chubby gut is completely blocking me from seeing my own dick! I tried sitting back up, but couldn't.

I ended up rolling over, feeling the gravity force me onto my stomach, only it didn't feel like I was on my stomach. It felt like I was laying on a marshmallow, while still being able to feel the sand on my torso. I groggily got up on all fours and managed to get onto my feet.

I stood there, still feeling weird. Suddenly, I felt a rush of humiliation and awkwardness. Everyone else looked so thin and full of energy, and I'm just that fat guy on the beach. The kind of guy I was always kinda silently judging. How did this happen though? And where did that old man go? I-oh god. It can’t be?

I rushed to the nearby restroom, feeling my belly and tits flopping around all over, a pretty disgusting sight that felt unsettling. I walked over to the mirror and found my horrors had come true. I AM the fat old guy! I leaned in closer and touched my face all over. I pinched my double chin, wiggling it back and forth. I ran my fingers through my colorless hair and found that most of it was in patches, as the bald spots almost took over completely. I opened my mouth to find all yellowing teeth, with shiny aluminum crowns replacing a few of them. I looked down at my body once again, now being able to see it in the mirror, and played with my tits as I watched them wobble and sag. I did the same with my belly, feeling the jiggle as I shook it up and down.

I can't believe this is actually happening. Is this that guy's way of helping me? Turning me into a different person to escape my fraternity brothers? I may not have liked my life but I did like my body! Suddenly I felt a vibration from my pocket. I reached in to find my own phone...not this old man's. An unknown number was calling me.

"Hello?"

"Hey man!" The voice sounded awfully familiar.

"Who are you?"

"It's me! You! Well, you now! This was my way of helping you!"

Oh god, he not only transformed me, he swapped our bodies entirely! That voice is my voice! He's trying to copy my way of speaking but it sounds all wrong.

"How is this helping me at all? I was a young fit college student. You turned me into a fat old man!"

"You didn't like your fraternity brothers did you? I swapped our bodies so you can escape. Shame that I had to be so ugly though...that hurts."

"Hey, look I'm sorry! But swap me back!"

"Sorry, no can do...at least not right now. I think I can do a much better job at standing up for myself than you ever could. How many more years of college do you have? Two? See you in two years then! Oh, and I'm sure you've noticed already but those nipples are extremely sensitive. I've been pumping them for awhile in order to get a more sensual experience. Maybe you can continue that!" He immediately hung up after he finished his sentence.

I'm sure my frat brothers are still on the beach, but if I try to return to them looking like this, they won't believe it's me! Maybe that guy's right. 2 years doesn't sound so bad actually. I won't have to deal with them anymore and if what he said was true, he could give me a much more assertive reputation for after I graduate!

"I guess that's a deal then." I said, absentmindedly rubbing one of my nipples. God that does feel good though. I headed into the stall and starting jerking. I couldn't see my dick and it was a little hard to reach anyway, but rubbing just one nipple was enough to give me all the pleasure I needed to reach max stiffness. The nipples were so sensitive that I actually stopped jerking entirely to rub both of them with my hands, feeling my man tits jiggle with every rub. I didn't stop getting hard even for a second and was able to cum without my hand even touching my dick! I was never able to reach a nipple orgasm with my old body! I could get used to this...

[puppytoast]

i love your fox girls please tell me about your fox girls

I have found some time to let me ramble into this box for an hour LETS GO...

First of all thank you I also love my fox girls. I also assume you are probably the same person sending me misc asks about foxgirls regularly which I keep them because I like them so don't be discouraged that I don't answer them all the time lol

I can go on for a long time so I'll just keep things about Tetra today...

This is Tetra.

This is also Tetra.

They are the same character but I have implemented her into two universes. She was originally made for my GURPS (ttrpg) game and then I adapted her into my own headworld setting; Vanus. She is very slightly different between the two settings, but overall it is the same character and the way I draw her just determines the setting i'm drawing for at the moment. I tend to talk about both of these versions of her randomly but for the sake of things being entirely my own writing and not things from the TTRPG I play her in.

I'll be mostly talking about Vanus Tetra today. (So the one on the right)

Tetra is a sarcastic socially awkward alchemist who likes to test new reagents and concoctions by putting them in her mouth and immediately getting sick. She is a laid back, mostly carefree weirdo. She is very interested in making medicines for people, however she also has a blatant fascination with poisons to the point where her continued taste testing has given her a poison resistance. Her ears are floppy because she has overly sensitive hearing. She likes harmless pranks. She is so aroace she does not understand innuendos nor any kind of flirting to the point of confusion. The list goes on.

Tetra was born to a ~rather important~ sorceress and her bodyguard. What exactly the important thing they are doing remains unknown, but for REASONS they had to leave her in the care of her mother's old friend/other bodyguard, Terasu, when she was PRETTY young Probably around 8-10 or so.

Terasu basically raised her for a few years, lending a lot to Tetra's snarky and mischievous personality and the way she presents herself. However Terasu was chronically ill and was very good at hiding it. When her illness suddenly took a turn for the worse she sought the help of an old dragon alchemist that lived in the depths of a dark fungal jungle. He did his best to help, however Terasu ended up succumbing to her illness, leaving a still very young Tetra with this rather eccentric dragon they had both dubbed "Grampa" when she was about 12.

Grampa took her in and taught her alchemy due to her unyielding persistence in wanting him to teach her. She fixated on the craft, believing that if she had known sooner she could have done anything to prevent her caretaker's death, and wanted to do all she could to help others in the future.

She took to the craft incredibly quickly and her skill grew just as fast. She easily adjusted to her life in the fungal woods and grew very attached to Grampa, treating him like a father figure. Before either of them knew it, she had been there studying alchemy for a good 15 years... However Grampa when she started living there was already very old, even for being an older-lived species, and when he passed, it basically broke her. First her parents vanished, then her caretaker died from illness, now she had lost Grampa too. She had already developed a separation anxiety at this point and this amplified it to the point where, despite burying him herself, she was still regularly talking to Grampa, acting like none of it had happened, like he was still there.

Due to her psychosis, "Grampa's" guidance caused her to set off from home truly for the first time. To gather new reagents for alchemy, to hone the skill more and to potentially meet new people. Maybe figure out what the hell happened to her parents, because she is definitely mad about that. She is an odd animal trying to learn how to process grief and discover a found family. She is sad but she stays silly to the point where it's not something you would notice unless you spent a lot of time with her since she is too busy generally being a weird goofball to let others in the know of her own problems.

[themadxd127]

Any asshole who calls a person referring to Bridget as a femboy, a weirdo, transphobe, or anything else. Should be banned from talking ever again. I'm sick and tired of being insulted over a fictional video game character, because a bunch of gullible idiots believed the words of an admitted liar and refuse to acknowledge Bridget's 20 years of history or doesn't know what a RETCON is. Its pathetic. And no, the creator didn't "confirm" anything. He factually and blantantly lied in the same interview. He claims that Bridget being trans was "always the plan from the start,"

This can be easily disproven, by the fact that he has said the exact opposite for fucking YEARS. Seriously if any yall actually think Daisuke is a credible source, than you're literally just delusional.

That's also not getting into how Bridget being girl literally makes zero effing sense. To demonstrate this I'm going to ask a simple question. In Bridget's dialogue in strive he talks about hiding his trueself from others. Taking from we know from the past, that would be his boyhood, because that's what he had to hide in order to not be sacrificed or abandoned, but according daddy retarded Daisuke its his precious girlhood he's hiding. WHO!? WHO IS BRIDGET HIDING HIS GIRL HOOD FROM!? His parents!? His parents are the ones who forced and raised him as a girl. His village!? They literally would have killed him, or exiled him is he came out as a boy. So I reiterate. Who was Bridget hiding his girlhood from? Spoiler alert! No one, cause I ain't seen a single nigga in Bridget's story force him against his will to be a man. All of them either didn't even recognize him as a boy at first, or just accepted his boyhood with no strings attach like Jam.

Also, again, No, its not "character development," cause that actually requires a character to gradually, well, develope on screen, and not mysteriously change his entire motivation off screen, for a few in-game months

This is Bridget's last appearance before strive, its a guilty gear pachinko machine that is indeed canon, and canonically takes place a few months before strive. And in said machine, Bridget is acting how we should expect him to act, and most importantly, SHOWS NO HINT OR MOTIVATION TO BECOME A GIRL! Where is in the hell is this hashtag #development, cause a single arcade mode ending nor daisuke's single lying ass statement(which he went back on in japan) don't count.

"Its been two years give up"

Piss off, I have the god given right to care about something for how goddamn long I damn well please. He ain't your character and you don't get to dictate shit. Also how about you practice what you preach? How about you give up and stop arguing if we're not allowed to care so much. That's not even mentioning how people that parrot this "its been 2 years" nonsense, are used against people who are not even arguing in the first place, the poor fucker would’ve just called bridget a dude, only for some arrogant shmuck to come out of nowhere and harrassed them cause the poor fucker is not a gullible idiot who follows a retarded retcon.

You guys are the reason this discourse is so toxic. Yall have this crippling spineless need to be as combative and insulting to the opposing side as possible cause they dared to pay attention to the lore, and have a problem with it. How about you get a life and stop trying to dictate how other people should think about a character. Cause all you're doing is breeding and cultivating animosity from people that disagree

And how about stop parading around a Character literally groomed into being a girl as a "trans icon" cause he's the exact opposite. And he factually was. How do yall know Bridget would even be thinking about being girl if weren't for the fact that he was raised as a daughter by his parents, (since as a baby too because there's no way he consented to it), under the threat of death or abandonment. Cause no amount of "creator confirmed it" can change what is factually in the writing. Because newsflash kids! Author intent means nothing in the realm of criticism, it only explains why that was written, but it DOES NOT EXCUSE, NOR JUSTIFY the writing decision and everything that comes from it.

And this isn't transphobia. How about you stop white knighting for a fictional character's pronouns, which he never wanted. The crux of the issue was never the gender identity itself, it was who the character that chose that, because it doesn't fit, and literally ruins the character.

Trap/Femboy Bridget for life!! ✊️

💖🩷🤍💙🤍🩷💖

[chairteeth]

have u ever explained ur aro-ace hcs for tounemu

Hmm, I don't think I have. They're partially based off of my own experiences as an aroace lesbian as well as those of my partner and other members of the community, which I felt vibed with the characters. The headcanons vary depending on the fic/AU, but there's some general stuff I can easily share, I think. A lot of this is just gonna be vibes and what I believe fits the characters/is most interesting to play around with. Since this is a sexuality rant, fully expect me to talk about the characters beyond the scope of their ages in canon. In case it gets really long, have a readmore.

First, assume a lesbian layer under the aspec layer of the characters. So, let me try Touka first, because she's probably easier to talk about. I like to headcanon her as demiromantic specifically, because I just cannot see her getting crushes or falling for anyone she doesn't already have a significant emotional connection to, but she does seem like she would feel romantic attraction. Only in a very demi way, though. Very "over the course of years of having a close bond" type. She doesn't feel to me like she'd be interested in traditional romance in any way, shape, or form. Sexually, I'm... I'm so tempted to say demi sapiosexual you have no idea. That's because I feel like both Touka and Nemu (especially Touka) are attracted to high intellect, mind you. If I had to say, though, for Touka I'd classify her as a gray-ace. It feels right. I believe that she has this base, very mild relatively "constant" level of it, ssssorta like the allo way, but when she does feel strong sexual attraction, it hits her like a powerful and relatively sudden slap in the face and is only triggered by highly specific things. And also you have to know exactly how to work her, etc. I really, really think it's more about the mind games and stuff for her, that's what she's into. Same for Nemu, but I like doing something a tad different with Nemu, give me a second to rant.

I have many gripes about what people do with characters like Nemu, especially when it comes from people who are clearly ignorant or insufficiently educated on the aroace spectrum. See, Nemu has a very specific set of traits that often make people go "oh I see her as asexual" but attaching that headcanon to these specific traits when you don't even have a solid basis of what that even means grinds my gears pretty bad. Some of these traits are: quiet, glasses, bookworm/nerd, wheelchair user/physically disabled. Fandom culture around these kinds of characters is rancid. And whenever I've seen people write ace characters, it's one of two things: exotic allo or completely celibate. Which is just so far off from reality. The aspec is a lot more varied than people may think, and while being asexual does not equate to being celibate, that also doesn't mean that sexual experiences are the same for an ace person as they are for an allo person. You cannot simply say "oh they're ace but they enjoy sex" and then depict them acting exactly like an allo person, the approach is completely different. And then there is the camp that thinks ace = celibate. Some aces are celibate, some aren't. Don't even pretend libido isn't a completely separate thing too. So most of the time, it feels like internalized ableism, ignorance, the general assumption of "nerds don't fuck" (while this is the case for some, a majority of nerds are freaks) etc., and since it especially applies to female characters, also some level of internalized purity standards or something. Which absolutely maddens me.

Anyway, I see Nemu as grayromantic asexual. To elaborate a little, I feel like through her passion for literature and just how much poetry and how many books she must've read, Nemu feels some level of curiosity towards romance and approaches it from a pretty writerly perspective that would likely only ever work on another weirdo. It feels like she's more of an observer, but although rarely, she does feel romantic attraction, and in a relationship it's like a permanent little warmth in her chest. Not overwhelming, not loud, but like the tiniest ever-present flame of pure fondness. My ace interpretation of her, however, differs from others I have talked to. For example, my partner does understand my interpretation but sees her as gray-ace instead. Now, I see Nemu as completely asexual, but much like Touka, academically interested in the whole... everything surrounding sex and kink. My personal explanation for that one "people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, Touka" scene in Miyuri's MGS is actually just that, simply put, the girls probably have conversations about sex and kink/fetishes. Not in a sexual way, but in a curious, intellectually-driven way, and that curiosity is what may lead them into experimenting when they get older.

The most fun thing about my interpretation of ace Nemu, in my honest opinion, is how it combines with other traits, like her high libido (headcanon we derived from canon, there are words in the background of Nemu's henshin and they're all philosophical concepts or other relevant stuff except for the word libido, that's where that headcanon comes from and it's interesting, so we're keeping it), her being a Buddhist, or her sadism, or the funny kink we suspect her of having (if you know you know). This is something I tend to touch upon more in AUs by honing her trauma to specifically highlight the issues she already has. Ace + high libido is already a potentially fascinating combination of traits, but when you add the religion thing and the kink aspects born from trauma, not to mention the rest of the trauma? It's so incredibly crunchy to rotate in your brain and analyze and play around with.

I think both of them would enjoy planning outings and the like just because they like planning things and they love quality time. They'd probably be trying to one-up each other often, Touka would delight in finding ways to fluster Nemu I think, and same in reverse, but Nemu does tend to be more dramatic, so she might enjoy the occasional theatrics as part of their little ludus thing. Who am I kidding, Touka "let's explode in a cool pose!" Satomi is also dramatic. I mentioned in my love styles essay that I feel like physical touch is vitally important to them, because of sensory craving and having been touch/affection starved as kids (yk, in a hospital, particularly Nemu), so that is one part of why I think they'd enjoy physical affection, from handholding to sex. The intellectual aspect of the kink experience also feels important. You can explore so much fascinating stuff about a character through their sexuality (general usage of the word, not specifically referring to identities here), and it bugs me a little that most nsfw works I've seen (not necessarily TouNemu), particularly Eastern ones, are just... character assassination galore. From my point of view, I don't understand why you'd ever want to do that, but I can at least comprehend the concept of "this is meant to be fapping material and that's why it's like that". It's not what personally interests me about nsfw, so I tend to stay away from any that isn't produced by myself or recommended to me specifically by someone in the aspec who I trust.

To summarize:

Touka demiromantic gray-ace

Nemu grayromantic ace

Both dramatic enough to pull off romantic stunts for funsies

Both hungry enough for enrichment and/or horny enough to indulge at some point (probably their teens, maybe their 20s if they're stupid enough, I could easily see them sharing a house and possibly a bed for like ten years and acting every bit like a married couple without realizing- this includes sharing a bed because as per new canon info, Nemu requires a body pillow, and Touka is probably the perfect size to be hugged while sleeping), but not the way an allo person/couple would. Being the freaks they are though, you probably couldn't even tell they're aspec as an external observer

[mayybirds]

If you don’t mind, I’d love to hear more about the Winterses’ relationships to each other! Anything from little details and habits to just general explanations/rundowns would be treasured :D

Anon I always want to talk about the Winterses I 100% do not mind at all lol.

I think the family as a whole is simultaneously really closely bonded (partially due to the sheer trauma they experienced together) and also experience a lot of friction very easily. They love each other intensely but they weren't really Raised together and they all come from different backgrounds, be them religious, cultural, or socioeconomic. It leaves room for a lot of friction, especially between Delia and the kids. I think in the early years there was a lot of rapid oscillation between "You're not my mom, my mom is dead, fuck off and stop trying to parent me" and "Delia i'm so sorry i'm so scared please never leave me". Sometimes within the hour. She was a like 32 year old woman suddenly in charge of 3 teenagers, having no real childcare experience, and it was kind of a mess. She loves the kids though and they love her. As adults her relationships with Michael and Ethan are a lot more stable than they were when they were younger--though conversely, while Ava relied on her a lot as a traumatized kid desperate for a parental figure, Ava is a lot more stilted with her now as an adult. Delia has never pretended she knew what she was doing or that she was prepared for this, but she's always made sure the kids know she loves them and she didn't keep them with her just out of obligation. She wants to be in their lives--whether that's as their mom, their 'aunt', their guardian, or just their friend. They get to define who she is to them, and she's okay that sometimes that changes in the moment (see: Ethan's POV. He mixes up whether Delia is his 'aunt' or just 'Delia' in his thoughts a lot, while also very clearly viewing her as a mom even if he avoids calling her that most of the time).

Delia’s focus since RC has always been the kids. She’s so deeply embedded in survivor networks to this day because she was one of the first to go “look we need to figure out long term options for fake IDs and paperwork. I’ve got three kids who should be in school.” She worked a lot of odd jobs once they reached California to keep the lights on (yes they maybe squatted in a few places at first what about it). She was a mechanic in RC but after coming to California she ended up working primarily private security at first because it paid well and was mostly nights. She went back to being a mechanic when the kids got a little older and Michael and Ethan started helping with rent (despite her insistences otherwise. They were adults and they were gonna help Damn it). Michael keeps trying to get her to take it easy these days but she’s only 50 damn it! Don’t treat her like she’s old!!

Michael! Michael is the most well adjusted man in this house comparatively (which isn't a high bar but at least he cleared it. Ethan faceplanted tripping over it). He was the oldest when RC happened among the kids, and as an adult he still takes his role as 'big brother' pretty seriously. He loves his idiot siblings, and he loves Delia, too. When RC first happened he was pretty wary of Delia (fairly enough. the world is ending, your mom is dead, your dad is missing, everything's gone to hell in a handbasket, there's paramilitary weirdos running around, and this random white woman just fished you out of the river with this blood-spattered kid next to her? Nah), and in the months that followed he definitely better handled her treating him like a younger friend/ally ("I know you don't really need me, but Ethan and Ava need us both, so would you be willing to help me with them?" kind of vibe, even if Delia is also 'YOU ARE A CHILD' at Michael internally). He supported the ruse of passing them off as a family long before he saw them as one, but he grew attached to Ethan and Ava, and Delia, faster than he'd have ever copped to as a kid. And for all his grumbling about the stupidity of their various schemes and covers ("Sure Delia pass off three kids as half-siblings by three different fathers, one of which you'd have had to have as a teenager, that's believable" "DO YOU HAVE A BETTER IDEA MICHAEL IF I SAY YOU'RE ADOPTED OR FOSTER KIDS THAT WILL RAISE EVEN MORE QUESTIONS"), he's kind of glad Delia always insisted on passing them off as a family, one way or another (the Winterses changed aliases and cover stories a lot when running from Raccoon City to avoid a clear trail, before they settled down in Cali). These days, he's the kid most unashamed to call her mom. She's his mom! He had another mom, too, and that's okay. Delia is his mom and she's also just Delia and he loves her. Michael still lives with her in California. He's lived on his own a lot, of course, and dated around, but relationships aren't really for him (he's a scrupulously honest person and hates that any relationship would require lying), and he likes being at home. He does have a robust friend network, though, and he likes to volunteer coaching the swim team at the local Y. He works as a manager at a local goodwill center. He’d have liked to have gone into social work or a medical field, but he worried about any profession that would have required a lot of background checks. He did take some nursing classes in community college, though. He attended school late, like Ethan did—both for financial reasons and because they wanted longer for their identities to be settled before they braved college paperwork.

Michael gets along with both of his siblings really well. He’s Ethan’s best friend (and the person Ethan was on the phone with at the beginning of RE7 in TtVtL canon), and has always looked out for him, even when they were teenagers (it defo painted an entertaining picture to everyone else. Michael was Cool and Ethan was Not and every other ~17yr old was not sure why he let this weedy 15yr old with the thousand yard stare follow him around. There was a lot of “excuse you that’s my BROTHER” energy). Michael meanwhile is very much the grounding older brother presence for Ava. She’s not good at taking Advice from Ethan because they’re closer in age and she thinks those in glass-houses-of-pretending-nothing-happened should not throw stones, but she’s better at taking it from Michael. She’s his baby sister and he wants to protect her but he also knows lecturing her doesn’t get him anywhere. I think as the two POC of the family they also just have bonding points on issues Ethan and Delia just can’t get.

Ava...loves her family. But it's hard to be around them. She's just still so angry about everything that happened, and her family respects her anger, but Delia just wants to keep the kids safe and Michael just wants to live a normal life and Ethan wants to pretend nothing happened. It's frustrating for her to try to talk to them about it because Ethan Doesn't want to talk about it and Michael mostly just is like "Ava babe please consider therapy" and Delia understands her anger but is also like. Her Mom. she wants her to be careful and safe and Ava doesn't want to be careful she wants the world to answer for what happened!! She fights with Ethan about it the most. But they still love each other--and would do anything to protect each other. She lives far away from the rest of the family and can't contact them a lot, but calls when she can. She has...employment. Her employer is not her day job. Her day job does not know her name is Ava Winters. She does not enjoy her work, but she thinks it's necessary. But if she had to choose between her job and her family? Her family. Always. She won't lose anyone again.

[faceless-is-a-mess]

⚠️THIS ACC CONTAINS: SA MENTION, A LOT OF SH, CHILDHOOD TRAUMAS, ED, ABUSE, ATTACHMENT ISSUES, SUI IDEATION, GR00MING MENTION, ETC, so, if you're sensitive with this topics, don't read the shit I'm gonna publish here pffft ⚠️

҂ ✂️𓂃 ⋆ Hiiiii! I'm Faceless or Facel! I'm a cute cat mentally fucked up ^^

҂ 🥩𓂃 ⋆ I'm a boy! 🏳️‍⚧️ ^^

҂ ✂️𓂃 ⋆ I'M NOT A CANNIBAL!!!! I'm just someone who enjoys the pain (NOT IN A SEXUAL WAY!!!)

҂ 🥩𓂃 ⋆ I love scene, emo, goth, Y2K, Gyaru, softcore/cutegore, Jirai and weirdcore/dreamcore!

҂ ✂️𓂃 ⋆ aroace!

҂ 🥩𓂃 ⋆ i have 96 18 years old

҂ ✂️𓂃 ⋆ I'm too soft, really, but I can be a bitch sometimes ^^💧

҂ 🥩𓂃 ⋆ Disorders? a lot, but mostly bdp, cptsd, bipolar and ed oh and also I'm autistic and have ADHD! nothing diagnosed yet!

҂ ✂️𓂃 ⋆ i don't have problems with nsfw or kink accounts, feel free to interact ig (just don't be a weirdo pls)

҂ 🥩𓂃 ⋆ anyone can interact with my acc, but if you're really sensitive... i recommend you go away bc there's a lot of strong shit here-

҂ ✂️𓂃 ⋆ Leaving aside how fucking insane I am, I like to draw, making plushies and baking/cooking! X3

҂ 🥩𓂃 ⋆ Yes! You can reblog, ask, whatever, I love attention! just be respectful and everything is okay ^^

҂ ✂️𓂃 ⋆ GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE IF YOU WANT TO TRY TO "HEAL ME", I don't need your stupid empty words of "Go to therapy!" "you need to know more people!" "your family loves you!" or worse, "god can help you", I DON'T NEED YOUR RELIGIOUS SHIT, GET OUT!!!

҂ 🥩𓂃 ⋆ If you find the content of this blog disturbing... please just block me, don't report, this is my safe place and prevent me from going crazy and k1ll1ng myself ^^💧

҂ ✂️𓂃 ⋆ if you sexualizes the pain, sh, cannibalism, traumas or the suffering... leave me alone and stay away from me ^^

҂ 🥩𓂃 ⋆ if you're someone who thinks that sh is stupid and unnecessary and it can heal easily... Fucking block me, I don't want to see your stupid and disgusting bubble of privileges here <3

҂ ✂️𓂃 ⋆ Oh! yes, you can DM me! (just don't be a weirdo) but uuuhhh sometimes I late a little to answer tehee ^^💧

—MY ANON EMOJIS ARE ✂️🪡/ 🪚🐈

>> BASIC DNI, PED0, GR00M3R, ZOO, ANTI-THERIAN/TOONIAN, PEOPLE WHO MADE FUN OF SH, PEOPLE WHO SEXUALIZES SH/G0R3/PAIN, CHRISTIANS (Only if you're a extremely religious) <<

— MY TAGS !!

#faceless post! 🪚 post, art, edits

#faceless is talking! ✂️ when I talk about things that aren't vents, random things

#faceless answers! 🪡 when I answer a question

#faceless reblog! 🪓 when I reblog things!

[lovearion]

SCARLET HOLLOW ASK GAME

saw this scarlet hollow ask game floating around and it seemed fun so I also tried filling it out myself!

TRAITS:

Your "canon" trait combination? I honestly have no idea, but if I have to choose maybe my Keen Eye + Talk to Animals run, which was the run I had the most fun with, or my Book Smart + Hot run, which was my first run.

What third trait would you add for hardcore mode? Probably Mystical. It offers unique insights about events, things, AND people, which I found to be really interesting! And you can also have people thinking you're a total weirdo, so that's a plus!

What trait are you least drawn to? Powerful Build. I'm not really a strength type of person in video games, and I just don't think this trait will suit me in any way. I mean come on, I get sick easily and I have a pretty weak physique, I can't even open a bottle cap for the life of me, I just can't relate </3

Coolest trait? Talk to Animals. Hands down. It makes the game so much more fun and I love Dustin and the other animals with all my heart!

ROMANCE:

Who are you romancing? I'll romance everyone at some point but my main is definitely Reese! <3 His loser boy vibes have ensnared me, I'm so in love with him to the point it always takes everything in me not to flirt with him whenever I try to romance the other characters lol. Wayne is a close second tho. I love that creepy stalker <3 lmao. He's definitely an intriguing fellow, and despite the characters thinking he's a total creep, I actually find him trying to protect us kind of sweet, although I know there's definitely more to that than what meets the eye.

What romance are you least interested in? Dr. Kelly, yeah I think this one is pretty self explanatory considering how much I love Reese lol. I know Sybil should be on here too but I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to see what an absolute trainwreck romancing her would turn out to be, I'd definitely want to see how that unfolds lmao

Who would you romance if every single character was eligible? Still Reese, he's my number 1 boy, but if we're just talking about the non romanceables, then I'd say Isaacs and Bo! Bo seems like such a sweet guy, and Isaacs is quite interesting, I hope we could get to know them better.

MISCELLANEOUS:

What character would hurt you the most if something bad happened to them? Tabitha, I've grown attached to her and she's been going through a rough time her whole life already, the poor woman deserves a break from everything, I'm taking her with me and we can go to the beach together!! And Dustin, I love that little guy I would rather die than let something bad happen to him, my heart won't be able to bear it </3

Would you stay in Scarlet Hollow when the week is over? It definitely depends on how things pan out, so my opinion could change once new chapters get released, but at the moment I'm not very keen on staying. It's obvious the town is going to crumble soon enough, I'm probably just going to take the characters I like and then run the hell away from there. And besides, I did promise Reese that he can live with me in my apartment in the city with my cat Truck, and I definitely plan on upholding my end of that deal!!

Who would you vote for dog mayor? Scraps. No questions asked. I trust Gretchen's judgement, and besides, I saw him in action and it's obvious he really cares about the animal population, he'll be a great leader!

[chipstertool]

GS Vol. 2 Segment (Iris's Side): Unexpected Confrontation

Just as soon Iris begins to turn back, she felt something sharp pointed behind her back. From behind Iris was a hooded girl, positioning herself further away from where she stood and began to speak: "Tell me spawn, why did come to the Agnes region? Did you receive orders to destroy something?" The questions coming the girl's mouth sounded so absurd to Iris as she begins to quickly turn, confused on the unexpected situation.

"Receiving orders? Who do you take me for!? It seems you're mistaking me for someone else you weirdo!" Iris shouted, "You're making it look like I'm some kind of soldier!"

"That's because you are one, spawn. You're a tool to only act on what she wants and nothing! she proclaims, "You coming here is unexpected, although, I don't intend to let you off easily!"

The girl begins to charge towards Iris, plunging her spear towards her torso. Iris also begins to evade each jab, pushing herself away from this girl and creating a distance between the two. By creating a fair amount of distance between her and the hooded girl, she utilized her staff to create a hidden barrier on herself though this caused the girl to become frustrated by this action.

"Hmph. I see the little spawn is able to cast a holy spell under that façade of an outfit." The girl snarked.

"I do have a name, it's Iris!" Iris hissed as she was starting to become irritated by that faux name.

"You? Having a name? Aren't you cute, trying to assimilate yourself with ordinary people."

"Assimilate? You talking nonsense for all I care! Always viewing me like a monster!"

"Because you are a monster, something that needs to be taken down so the world doesn't fall into ruins!" She pulls her hood down to display her appearance in front of her, "So I hope you don't have any emotional attachments here because that would make it very difficult."

"(Ah great, another twin-tail. Just what I needed right now.)" Iris groaned.

"Forgot one thing, you better think fast." As soon as those words came out, the twin-tailed girl jump into the air and plunged onto Iris, making her move at a fast pace. The rapid attacks made Iris to create mini protection barriers for deflecting each move she makes, in turn, causes her slowly wear herself out. Every move was too forceful for Iris to keep track of, making her mind and body tired by each motion; it was getting too much for her that her arms and legs began giving themselves out, causing each movement and spell weaker and weaker.

With one more spell, her body became exhausted, making Iris fall down to her knees. Upon seeing this, the girl uses it as a chance to kick the staff away from her and place her spear close to her chest.

"You held your own very well, Iris. Though it seems that it was already futile in the end." She whispered.

She prepares for the final blow, marking the end of Iris's life, until a blade launches next to her; the twin-tailed girl stands up to see another figure in the dark.

[folkwhorerain]

Jealousy, Jealousy (Wanda Maximoff x fem reader)

pairing: Wanda Maximoff x fem reader

Summary: reader is a shy and insecure Avenger whit a crush on Wanda, but she never made the first move on the sokovian. What if, during a party, finally something happens between the two of them?

Warnings: angst, reader being insecure, language (I think?), alcohol and sexual tension (feel free to tell me if I should add more).

English is not my first language, so bare with my grammar please, lol. This is my first fanfiction ever so forgive me if it's not anything special or it is lame.

I got inspired by "Jealousy, Jealousy" by Olivia Rodrigo, so I suggest you listen to it while reading, if you want.♥️

You hated them. You hated Tony's parties.

Don't get me wrong, you enjoyed the Avengers company, but parties were definitely not your thing. You always felt... out of place.

You were fine with chatting with the team during this day when you spent some time together, but when parties where that huge like tonight's one, all you wanted to do was staying in your room.

The fact is that you can't help but compare yourself to the others. You never felt enough and you were intimated by Tony's friends and the other heroes. You were just... You. No one special with no cool superpowers, you were good at hand to hand combat and you were really smart, but that was it; you always thought that was lame. Like that wasn't enough, you were the newest recruit in the team. The Avengers all welcomed you well and you grew attached to all of them, especially Natasha, but still, you didn't feel like that was enough for you to be considered "the cool Avenger", and you were still private about your feelings and emotions; when something was wrong the only answer that you had when they asked you what bothered you was "it's nothing". But it wasn't nothing. You felt an outsider in the team, you felt like you weren't enough for them and the worst part is that you knew it was all in your head, but you couldn't help it.

The first person that always comes to your mind when you think of someone cool is Wanda. Her powers affascinates you and you loved her determination. You can't say you two are close, but she always treated you well and she respected your boundaries, that's why now you have a crush on her and that's part of the reason you didn't want to go to the party. Seeing her well dressed while smiling to people who weren't you and while Vision was trying to get her attention would only make it worse.

You considered staying in your room while scrolling your social media, not having any strength to get up and get ready, especially when you were still in your bathrobe and your thoughts were only about a certain witch. However you knew Natasha would've dragged you out of the room if you wouldn't come so, after a few curses and annoyed groans, you threw your phone on the pillow and started to get dressed.

You didn't want to get the attention to you, people would start a conversation and tonight you weren't into it at all, so you opted for a green skirt and a black, cropped sweater and a little bit of makeup. Nothing more.

I'm already so sick of this bullshit, you thought to yourself, then you took a deep breath and went downstairs.

–

As you expected, the biggest room of the Stark Tower was filled with people you didn't know, but you were sure they were mostly Tony's friends.

They were all so confident with their drinks in hands, perfect combed hair and fancy dresses worth millions of dollars.

You weren't nothing like these people: you didn't get why people would spend millions for pieces of cloth. It was a waste of money, but how you wished you saw it differently, maybe you would be one of these apparently happy people with a lot of friends, and not the weirdo of the group with a lack of confidence so evident you couldn't even enjoy a relaxing event.

A few tears tried to escape your eyes, but you wouldn't let them. Steve was watching you and, from the look he was giving you, he already sensed something was off with you; so you did what was best and faked a smile, which he returned gladly before he went back to his conversation with Bucky.

You felt like a creep standing in the corner of the room doing nothing, so you started looking around searching for Nat. After a few second you saw her talking, or better, flirting with Bruce at the bar while she had a Martini on her hand.

You frowned sympathetically. Cute. He really likes her a lot, you thought seeing Bruce embarrassed and intimidated by the widow.

Suddenly a waiter asked you if you wanted a glass of wine and you accepted, maybe a little alcohol would help you get through this more easily. You took a sip and enjoyed the feeling of the wine in your throat.

“This is ridiculous.” you whispered.

“What is ridiculous?” you heard someone ask you.

You turned to see who it was and that's when you saw her: Wanda was smiling at you with a curious expression on her face.

You blinked a few times, amazed by the girl in front of you: she was wearing a short, black dress, and her ginger hair was loose on her shoulders. She decided to put on a little bit of makeup and a red lipstick. Not like her typical style, but you liked her anyway. She was always so beautiful.

You shook your head, realizing she was waiting for an answer. "Uhm, parties, I guess.” She nodded. “I mean, Tony's events are always too exaggerated.” you added before biting your lips, clearly embarrassed.

“I know how you feel.” Wanda agreed. “I always have to try so hard to fit in during things like these.” She chuckled while looking around the room.

“Well, at least you're trying.” You said before giving her a dry laugh, looking down at your glass.

The ginger tilted her head sympathetically. “Well, maybe that's the problem.”

You frowned in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“I mean... trying too hard is the problem.” She explained. “If you feel like you have to try so hard it becomes unbearable, maybe that means that the thing you're doing is not good for you.” She added before biting the inside of her cheek.

You simply hummed in agreement and took another sip of wine, too intimated by her beauty.

Don't think something awkward. She can read minds. Don't think how beautiful she is- shit. Stop thinking.

“If you'll excuse me, Vision is looking for me.” She said with a smirk on her face before leaving you alone again.

You watched her walk away, analizing her every move. God, how you wanted her to be yours. She was not, of course. Why would she be with someone like you? She could have Vision and every other man in this room, so why would she choose a girl like you? Speaking of the devil, Vision approached her with a few guys and she gave him her brightest smile.

You watched all the interaction, still in the corner of the room.

He was so confident with his perfect posture and his good manners. He would be the best for her. He's the kind of man, or synthezoid, or whatever, that could always reassure her and find the perfect words to make her feel better. He would try and cheer her up and find the better jokes to tell, just like he's probably doing right now. In fact the sokovian was laughing at something he said and her beautiful laugh echoed through the room.

You felt jealousy rush through your veins.

“I wanna be him so bad!”

All the people in the room turned to look at you with puzzled expression.

Your eyes went wide when you realized you practically yelled what you wanted was just a thought so, without a second thought, you rushed out of the party and went straight to your room.

You slammed the door and let the tears escape. You took off your make up and headed straight to bed, overthinking what just happened, screaming in your pillow.

I always ruin everything!

You didn't expect you would've said that out loud and right now you didn't expect to hear someone to knock on your door. You didn't answer, though, you kept your head buried in the pillow. It was probably Natasha who wanted to talk about what happened and you definitely weren't going to say a word.

The door opened anyway and you groaned in annoyance.

“Listen, Nat-” You started to say but stopped immediately when you saw it wasn't the russian spy, but Wanda.

“Hi.” She greeted you with a shy smile. “May I sit?” She asked pointing the bed.

You composed yourself and nodded shyly. “Yeah.”

Wanda gave you a swift smile and sat next to you, crossing her legs on the bed. Your breath itched when you felt your knees touching. You two have never been this close and the situation was making you nervous, thing that didn't go unnoticed by Wanda considering the fact that you were playing with the ring on your index finger.

You never noticed but Wanda knows you very well. She knows your moves, the way you play with your hands when you're nervous, the way your eyes shine when you talk about your interests or the way you are quieter than usual when you're sad.

The truth is that Wanda liked you very much and she knew you liked her too. She didn't want to tell you 'cause she wanted you to take courage and say it first and, to be fully honest, she was scared. What if your crush was temporary and you would eventually get bored? What if she loses you just like she lost her parents and Pietro? She would never, ever accept it.

“So... Why did you run away?” She asked like it wasn't obvious you just yelled in front of everyone.

“Are you seriously asking, Wanda?” You snapped before you could stop yourself.

She looked at you with sad eyes before looking down at her hands. “Sorry…”

“No, no... Don't apologize.” You whispered. “You have nothing to apologize for. I shouldn't have… God, I'm pathetic.”

You threw your head in your hands and sighed. I'm so sick of myself!

“Why are you sick of yourself?” The sokovian asked you before placing a hand on your knee.

You looked at the hand and then at her.

“Sorry, I shouldn't have read your mind, but sometimes your thoughts are really loud.” she chuckled, starting to rub her thumb on your knee. You were speechless, all this interaction was making you crazy. You craved more of her touch and now, more than ever, you wanted to kiss her. However you pushed those feelings aways and started to open up to avoid thinking about something inappropriate. “I'm just… me. I mean, I'm not special.”

“Why do you think that?” She asked raising an eyebrow, her hand never leaving your skin.

You took a deep breath. “Wanda, come on! Tony's friends are so cool, he's loved by everyone, Natasha is a badass russian spy, you have these amazing superpower. Thor is literally a God, for fuck's sake!”

“You compare yourself to the others too much. It's not healthy, Y/N.” She sweetly stated wiping away a tear from you cheek.

You closed your eyes for a second, enjoying her touch, but then you came back to reality. “I know, but I can't help it. The others seem to be so confident and happy, and all the girls at the party... Fuck, they're so pretty-”

"Beauty is not your lack.” She interrupted you smirking, her hand still on your cheek.

“I- I just wish I was them... I wish I had the courage Vision has.” You admitted, looking down.

“Why him?” The ginger asked placing two fingers under your chin, forcing you to look at her in those piercing green eyes.

“Because I'm so jealous he gets all your attentions and I don't just because I'm too insecure.” You said it in a whisper, almost inaudible, but Wanda heard you and you knew judging by the smile on her face.

“You want my attentions?” She asked leaning in.

Her face was so close to yours that it was hard to breathe. You could smell her perfume and that alone was making you want her more. You had the urge to kiss her and touch her and taste her, but right now Wanda was waiting for a response so you simply nodded, not trusting your voice.

“You already have them.” She admitted, making you frown in confusion. “There might be a hundred people in the room, but I would always notice you and only you, Y/n.” You were speechless, partly because of her confession, partly because she was so damn close to your face it made your heart race fast, and before you could realise, she kissed you.

Her lips were so soft against yours and her hands were in the right places. However, after a few moments, you realized you froze and didn't reproached the kiss. Wanda broke the kiss, a disappointed look on her face.

“I'm sorry, I thought you liked me t-”

Before she could finish her sentence, you kissed her. You kissed her with so much confidence it surprised both you and Wanda.

Your right hand was on her neck and the other was on her waist, pulling her close.

You felt her smirk on the kiss and the hand that before was on your knee now was up your thigh.

“God, this skirt was making me crazy the whole night.” She breathed out, making the hand go higher and higher where you needed it the most.

Before you could realize you still had your party outfit on, Wanda started caressing slowly your inner thigh, making you gasp. Hearing the affect she had on you, the ginger bite your lobe before whispering something that made you shiver.

“Let me show you all the attentions I have for you, babygirl.”

alright, that was it. I know it's not good, but I had this idea the other night and I just had to write it.

Feedback is appreciated. <3

[cookinguptales]

Re: how often does Guillermo actually see the vampires eat. In the citizenship ep, when nandor flies after that guy but loses his appetite and lets him run away, Guillermo was hiding nearby. I think it's normal for nandor to take Guillermo on his occasional hunting trip when he goes out to find his own victims, but that still doesn't mean Guillermo has a front row seat to the carnage if he hides out of the way. Just some canon that might add to the speculation... I personally like to believe has a repulsion/attraction to the feeding, bc none of his desires are simple (its the repression). Like if you saw him looking, no you didnt, yes you did. I feel like he is more used to seeing it than the cameras let on but it still pulls complex emotions out of him, esp when it's an unexpected kill.

I'm actually kind of unsure whether Nandor brought him with him there or if Guillermo had just arrived. He was poking his head out of the bus shelter, so I kind of thought he arrived just in time for Nandor to send him home? Which was why he seemed so annoyed. Like Nandor clearly wasn't carting him around, he expected him to take the bus. So I thought he took the bus there only for Nandor to be like "anyway lmao bye."

Either way, Guillermo wouldn't have seen the kill. He was off in the bus shelter. Which kind of proves my point.

Guillermo has a lot of very near misses when it comes to them feeding, being honest. An almost suspicious number of them. Like I was sure that he'd seen them eat the waiter during Nadja's dinner party in s3, but no, he was off fetching ranch dressing. That kind of thing happens a lot, and I'm not sure if the vampires are purposefully waiting until he's out of the room or if he's subconsciously (or even sometimes consciously) leaving so he doesn't have to watch them feed. Or if it's just luck.

I think, if I had to guess, that Guillermo is very good at compartmentalizing. He can feed victims to the vampires so long as he doesn't have to acknowledge them as human. He purposefully avoids learning about their families and friends (and seemed viscerally disturbed when he finally met some), he purposefully dehumanizes them as "lesser" than him, he purposefully refuses to form emotional attachments to them, he purposefully avoids watching their pain and fear as they die...

I think he's more attracted to the power and fantasy of vampirism than the reality of it, though I don't think he'd hesitate for very long at all if he actually got turned. He's too good at the depersonalization of food at this point. He still freaks out when, y'know, Sal Vulcano gets his neck snapped in front of him, but he can tamp down those feelings and move past them pretty quickly already. I think he'd be able to do so even more easily once he's no longer a human himself.

Strong vibes of someone who will buy chicken nuggets at the supermarket but would cry if they watched a farmer kill a chicken themselves. lmao

He'd get over it pretty quickly, though, I bet. My crazy little weirdo. 💜

ETA: Also, I’d just like to add that I don’t think that the vampires would wait for him to leave the room out of any real concern for his mental well-being or anything. But they’ve been shown to avoid certain behaviors in front of Guillermo just because they don’t want to deal with his emotions or disapproval before, so there might be a note of “yeah, it’s just easier to wait until he’s not looking because otherwise it’ll be a whole thing.”

[myevilmouse]

Hello there!! 😍💙

May I ask 💰 💡 💋 for the Fanfic Ask Game?

🤗PS Have a nice weekend!😊

Thank you so much for the ask @ele-millennial-weirdo!! These were a lot of fun! I appreciate the distraction--and it definitely is contributing to a nice end of my weekend (which hasn't been particularly great 💙).

💰 What’s one trope you wouldn’t write, except for money?

When I read this question, the first thing that came to mind was EASILY mpreg. It just shot into my brain at hyperspeed, as like yeah no thank you. So I had to make sure it counted as a trope because sometimes I still feel like I'm learning in this crazy fanfic world 😁 But yeah, I am squicked by all things pregnancy in RL and DEF don't have any interest in writing a pregnant Luke or Thrawn but but but if someone was going to pay me to do it, I might be able. I can just imagine it now: the phone rings...I don't recognize the number. It's Kathleen Kennedy on the other end of the line: EVILMOUSE, she breathes in her best 'we're gonna please the investors' voice, THE GALAXY NEEDS MPREG and YOU HAVE TO WRITE IT! Here's a blank check. Now go make Luke impregnate his clone or something. And I, trying so hard not to tarnish the legacy of my favorite Jedi, succumb to the lure of Disney Dollars. "It's all fanfic anyway," I tell myself, "and it'll really be Jake and not Luke shhh." Mark Hamill supports me completely, and we commiserate over blue milk backstage at Galaxy's Edge when my screenplay debuts, with Max Lloyd Jones playing opposite Sebastian Stan because they decided why the hell not give the fans what they want for change, completely missing the point.

Oh my that got long. But yeah, mpreg. No kink shaming, just very much not my thing.

💡 What’s the weirdest thing you’ve been inspired by?

While it’s not weird in general to be inspired by music, I’m going to have to say the weirdest thing I’ve been inspired to write was instigated by @ap-trash-compactor who mentioned a Billy Joel song in passing on the Thryce Discord as having Thryce vibes and my psychotic muse went off on a Sunday afternoon bender, resulting in Thryce:  The Musical, using all Billy Joel songs and inspired by her fic A Dealer In Hope.  For more on that madness you can ready my Trivia Tuesday about it here, and despite having only 14 kudos, I still am proud of it.  It’s insane and it was made for an audience of two (me and my sister who loves Billy Joel and knows nothing about Thryce) so that’s 14 kudos more than I expected 💙 

💋 Fuck marry kill 3 of your own fics (asker’s choice of fics).

I love this question, an excellent exercise, and since you didn’t give me three fics, I get to pick them myself!  

Fuck:  COPY THAT.  I mean, it’s a Luke Skywalker AND his four clones gangbang, I just can’t imagine anything better (or I would have written that instead lol).  With all those hunks around, I can share with Mara, no problem.  Definitely the most fuckable of my fics.

Marry:  Oh I would marry any of my Luke fics--he’s such a dream--but I guess I am going to go with COMFORTABLE, which is an old married Skywalkers one-shot and it makes me warm and fuzzy inside.  I’m answering this not from like the fic that is my fave POV, but the fic that would give me the best happy ever after to live in it/marry it, and this is definitely it. Master Skywalker is wonderful (and hot).

Kill:  I love all my fics (or else why write ‘em?!) but perhaps the one I’m least attached to on a personal level is PROXY, which is my Ventress/Luke.  It was written because I have an ongoing mission of Luke x All The Ladies and I am quite fond of Ventress, plus we had the Luke Deserves All The Blowjobs Challenge.  So...Yeah.  A lot of reasons to write it.  And I like it OK but it’s the one that would be least upsetting if it got killed.  Goodbye, loving descriptions of Luke’s *cough* mansaber and overused pronouns!

This was a wonderful distraction and I am grateful to you for it!  I hope you have a wonderful weekend too @ele-millennial-weirdo!  Sorry these answers were sort of light on our evil blue stud 💙😘

Anyone else want to ask? The list is here.

[marindram]

full transcription of Marin's blog from Omega Mart!

huge thanks to @b0chelly for recording a scroll-through, which i typed this out from. (and warning for Omega Mart lore/story spoilers. second half is in reblog)

Marinknows.best

Location: Seven Monolith Village

Last Login: 12/31/2019

Profile Views: 101,275

About me: I love listening to music and glitter

Friends (0)

June 26, 2018

Happy Birthday to meeeeeeeeee!

So 14 feels way different than 13. For real. I think it's because I was expecting 13 to feel different, but sometimes when you expect something it turns out the opposite ya know?

Plus, 13 is like, "I'm new to being a teenager!!"

14 is more like, "I'm becoming the person I want to be." At least that's how I want it to be. I wanted to start this blog as a record of all that.

I should ask Did you guys feel the same way when you turned 13 and 14?

But probably nobody's gonna read this because I'm just a weirdo in the weird dessert. I mean, I know my best friend Jesse is reading this (hi Jesse). Besides her, crickets.

But yeah, if you are reading this and you don't know me - I live in Seven Monolith Village, a teensy tiny town that you've only heard of if you're into aliens or homesteading. And I'm literally stuck. As in, I'm physically unable to leave. My first memories are of all the adults in my life (Charlie, my great-uncle/father-figure - Rose, my what? Roommate? Mother-figure? Pseudo-aunt? All of the above? and my mom, Cecelia. who doesn't live here) telling me that for some reason, there's something wrong with me that makes it so I can't leave a certain radius of where we live. I got older and thought that they were just exaggerating to keep me safe, but then last year I tried. And it was, let's just say not good.

Anyway. That part of my life sucks, but not everything sucks. This year is all about Marin Dram 2.0. Not new, but definitely improved.

And maybe someday, somehow somebody will read this and care about what I have to say. Somebodies, even. Until then, this is Marin Dram signing off and sending my lame contemplations into the void!

July 1, 2018

Things I Want To Do Before I Turn 20 (and some of these will never happen like are literally unable to happen but JUST LET ME DREAM

1. Kiss someone (who???)

2. Meet HTB (kiss him) (jk he would never) (plus meeting him would be enough)

3. Go to Paris

4. Go to Rome (or somewhere cooler in Italy, look up where is the best pasta???)

5. Go to Greenland (why not???)

6. Go to New York City

7. Go to LA (with a dream and my cardigan lol)

8. Go to the Grand Canyon (this isn't mine, but 9, Jesse is sitting right here and she went to the GC when we were 12 and she's like blah blah blah it's my favorite place in the world and you'll love it. I'm doing this so she'll shut up.

9. Live in a normal house with normal rooms → ideally 12 of them: living room AND TV room, kitchen, dining room, 3 bathrooms, 3 bedrooms, study/library.

-plus an upstairs downstairs

-I'm willing to compromise on the number of rooms as long as there's more than ONE for TWO PEOPLE and I got my own

-plus an upstairs/downstairs

-I'm willing to compromise on the number of rooms as long as there's more than ONE for TWO PEOPLE and I get my own room with an actual door. Very into doors.

10. Go to a mall (Jesse says there's a bunch of bonkers ones in Vegas)

11. Make friends who aren't Jesse (no offense, Jesse)

12. Get Cecelia (my "mom") to teach me about business stuff so I can open my own cool coffeeshop/bookstore someday

13. Learn to drive (ask Charlie to teach me, he's obsessed with his truck) (Jesse says she can teach me because she's Little Miss Mechanic and thinks she knows everything about cars but news flash Jesse: you're you get than me)

14. Figure out my signature style- like I want people to send me pictures of things and be like "this just screamed Marin" and for that to be true

15. Liquid eyeliner??

16. I'm stopping here because I just read over all this and want to die/cry because easily 3/4 of these are literally impossible?

17. Kill me

18. Bye

19. Lololol Charlie just came in and I was complaining about this, not being able to leave and stuff, etc and he said that I should visit new places by... reading books?? And I mean I like to read. But dude. That's the dumbest thing I've ever head.

July 30, 2018

Okay so this is what I want my life to look like:

I want a pink room. Not just pink... P I N K. Cool pink wallpaper (floral? jacquard??), pink carpet, lots of pink flowers everywhere, a four-poster bed with a pink silk canopy, lots of cool pink throw pillows. Like, so pink that

people think I'm being sarcastic! Oh, and BOOKS. Floor-to-ceiling bookcases, and some of the shelves have, like, STUFF on them that isn't books, like gifts people gave me, or things I've collected on my JOURNEYS. You know, normal stuff that people who live on normal places and do normal things have.

If I lived in in this room, it'd be in awhite three-story house at the end of a cul-de-sac (did you know "culs-de-sac" is the plural? Not "cul-de-sacs"? crazy) and I'd wear very classic girly clothes and my hair would always do what I wanted it to. It'd be one of those towns that people call small, but it's actually a city. just one with a kinda small, cozy feeling. Somewhere that gets cold enough to wear cute jackets but not so cold I have to to like, shovel my driveway. Not a non-place with like 100 people where you can't even go outside without going crazy.

August 2nd, 2018

I guess I should explain where I live, for all my avid fans out there! (lol) (hello??)

So like... I don't live on Earth. At least, not the Earth you think of when you think of EARTH. I live in some some weird off-brand version of Earth called the Forked Earth where there are aliens and magic wells of magic energy and everything is MAGIC but like the crappy kind of magic, where the sun never fully rises and some goo called "runoff" has made everything wacky and oh yeah, my mom is responsible for that and everyone here hates her!! LOL

Also, I can't leave! Like, literally can't! Rose says I'm a "special child of Source" and that's why but that LITERALLY explains tells me nothing, in fact it just raises further questions that no one can seem to answer! AHHHHHHHHHH

Anyway, the last time I tried to leave I felt. When I try to leave I feel like I'm being pulled back by something, like you know those old cartoons where someone's on stage doing something dumb and then someone offstage pulls them away with a giant shepard's crook? It felt like that, and when I opened my eyes I was back in 7 Monolith Village. UGH.

I know this sounds crazy!!!!! But believe me when I say that I am the least crazy person here. Also, """here""" is C R A Z Y. Runoff has made everything the bad kind of psychedelic and then people here actually DRINK IT! Not only do I not DRINK THE STUFF THAT HAS MADE THE WORLD INSANE, I also do not talk to aliens (or whatever Nula are) like Rose or believe crazy conspiracy theories like Charlie, so I believe that qualifies me as the most normal person in the Forked Earth, thank you for this honor, I accept this award with humility and grace!

September 4, 2018

I had the weirdest dream last night?? I was swimming in a pool full of cereal, and when I came up for air, my mom was pouring milk on my head like she was rinsing my hair. She had her hand over my face like I was a little kid and she was shielding me from soap getting in my eyes.

Anyway I have no idea what it's supposed to mean. I went to bed hungry and I need to take a shower? Lol

October 16, 2018

I was trying to hide this entry from Jesse, but JESSE IS A NOSY PERSON. She says that blogs are for readers, and if I wanted something to be private then I should "Just write in a fucking notebook and hide it under your bed like a normal person, Marin." I'm allowed to have secrets!! Anyway, I'm making her a freaking playlist, that's why I wouldn't tell her what I was writing about. but EVEN STILL! I'm allowed to have secrets!! But I have this blog because I wanna get my feelings out, I wanna see everything in my head typed out all nice in a way that doesn't make it look insane. You know? I don't know who I'm asking.) Because, it's not like I go to a normal school or have a normal life where I'm surrounded by normal people I can talk to. No one knows about me! I'm trapped in this crazy place and This blog is my only outlet to the world outside. I KNOW that's heavy but it's true! The point is: Jesse's birthday is coming up. The central consistent thing in pretty much my whole life is sharing headphones with her and listening to music. The soundtrack to my entire existence is her. I wish I had money and could buy her the best presents of all time, but I can make her the best playlist of all time. I want it to be so good it feels like magic. I want her to think I'm magic. I had another dream the other night. I don't remember much, just glitter. I must be crafting too much. Or looking at festival makeup tutorials. Or both.

November 12, 2018

WARNING- Weird thoughts ahead, lol.

I can never tell which feelings are normal, and which are me being a giant weirdo. But for as long as I can remember, I've had this feeling like every part of my body that's possible to have a ribbon tied around it, has a ribbon tied around it. It's so weird. I can't see the other end of the ribbons - how far they go. where they're attached, nothing. And sometimes it's fine, because sometimes I can hardly feel them. I can forget about them for days at a time, weeks, months if I'm lucky. But then other times I can feel them like, pulling at me. It's freaking spooky, to have something pulling at you from somewhere you can't see. I can't tell if it's pulling me toward whatever it is? Or if it's trying to warn me? Or if I'm just insane??

Does that make sense? Does anybody else feel that way? (she asks into the void)

So idk I guess this ribbons-feeling is why I'm really careful all the time. Like I'm just a careful person. Charlie tried to give me a hard time about it, and I can't be like "I don't wanna pull back in the ribbons too hard without realizing it and wreck something!" because he'd be like "WTF Marin, do we need to get you help?" But also, more and more, I want to be the opposite of careful. I want to take a pair of comically oversized scissors and cut the ribbons into so many pieces that nobody can even tell what they are any more.

I don't know why I'm such a freak, only that I am. I don't know why I can't leave 7 Monolith, only that I can't. But there must be a reason, even if I can't see it, and I feel like it makes sense that the ribbons-feeling is part of that reason, right?

There's just a lot.

January 15, 2019

Happy new year! Lol I forgot to write on the actual first day of 2019, but OH WELL!

I got this new glitter nail polish, thanks to the monthly makeup subscription box my "mom" sends me as an outlet for her abandonment guilt. It has like, every color glitter imaginable without quite reading as "rainbow" which is fine just not really what I was in the mood for and it's vaguely halographic and shifts into all these different colors depending on the light. I'm obsessed. Anyway.

I was putting on another layer because I chipped it like 20 minutes into wearing it, and all of a sudden I had this feeling like I recognized the glitter? Like I felt this thing way deep in my gut and for a minute I couldn't breathe. It's the closest thing I've felt to how books and movies make Christmas look. Like I was home, with family, cookies and cider and all that stuff. Familiar and safe. I almost didn't recognize that feeling. And it came from the nail polish. How weird is that.

I mean, I don't want to make it sound like I've had this awful Charles Dickens childhood - Rose and Charlie are the best ever and always there for me and I love them a lot. But things never feel like...home. You know?

My mom always says this cryptic stuff about how I'm "special" and I wanna strangle her because I'm not, but you try getting my mom to stop doing anything she wants to do. Rose told me once that one day, I would "lead the charge into a new era of existence and access" because I'm "of the Source" and I was like uhhhh okay?? Charlie mostly treats me pretty normal, except when I ask him questions about our family. my mom or any Dram. He knows that I want to know more about them and he's my only real entrypoint, but apparently he's like the black sheep of that whole family. He and my mom were close way back right before I was born, but now whenever she comes to visit he barely even looks at her.

So that's to say: nobody tells me anything, ever.

January 16, 2019

Okay this is so weird. I wrote that entry yesterday about glitter and then last night I dreamed about glitter. Then I woke up with purple glitter in my bed?? Like not a lot, so at first I thought it was from my nail polish, but it was just a handful of purely purple glitter that looks nothing like my nail polish. SO WEIRD!!!!!!

February 14, 2019

Rose has an old book full of "ye olde" style fairy tales, and I flipped through it for the first time in forever today.

Not so weirdly, I've always been drawn to the story of Rapunzel.

Rapunzel couldn't leave the tower, or else she'd break her neck and die.

Same.

February 19, 2019

I was reading this article the other day in one of the teen magazines my "mom" gets me a subscription to and it was all about body positivity, which is great, but it was basically just like "wear a crop top if you wannna wear a crop top! it doesn't matter what size you are! You go, girl!" And like, sure. Yes. I am all for that. But doesn't it seem like there are some steps missing in there? Like, I can physically put on a crop top and wear it outside. But how do I convince myself that everybody isn't looking at me and making fun of me in their minds? How do I unlearn the last almost-fifteen years? How do I get actually positive about my body, not just put on a crop top and fight the urge to cry all day?

It's the same thing like when my mom sends me brochures from the CEO camp she ten when she was my age (her dad started the camp for her, which is an insane thing just by itself, but she did all the work, which is even more insane) and she's like "Marin, you lack direction for your life" and I'm like, cool mom. Yeah. I can see that. What I can't see is how to get there from here.

March 2, 2019

This is what I want my life to look like, volume 2:

The walls of my room are covered in Polaroids of me and my friends. There are lots of mirrors in all kinds of shapes. hearts and moons and stars. There's a record player and a lot of vintage records by Billie Holiday and Lena Horne and Peggy Lee and Nina Simone. And Christmas lights! Everywhere! Lots of of pink and purple Christmas lights everywhere.

If I lived in this room, I'd have so many friends and be part of so many clubs. My best friend would have a collection of vintage cameras, and every place we go to that has a photo booth, we'd get photos taken. Every time I'd look at myself in one of those mirrors, I'd feel happy at what I see and never weird or sad. (Jesse hates taking pictures, so even when I actually do normal stuff with her there's no evidence. What even is a life supposed to be without evidence? That's not an actual question you need to answer Jesse, it's just a question)

Anyway, if I lived in this kind of room, my mom would probably be like, an art history professor at a liberal arts college. That's how come everything looks so cool, because I would know stuff about art. My mom and I would love to try new recipes together. We get each other new cookbooks for every special occasion, and right now we're working out way through a Moroccan one. Moroccan Mondays.

In actuality, there's a dust storm happening outside and my eyes sting.

March 9, 2019

Here's what I'm obsessed with lately.

Can. You. EVEN???

February 3, 2020

Omg I totally forgot this blog existed!!

I lost the password and instead of just resetting it I got in one of my super stubborn moods (Taurus moon lol) and just kept putting in guesses and jokes on me, it locked me out. Anyway, that's a boring story.

But my friend Ximena is really good at hacking and stuff, so she got me back in. Yeah you read that right - I have friends. Obviously a lot has happened since my last post. Ximena moved out here a couple months ago (X's family used to live here but they moved away a while ago) and she introduced me to Lora who I sorta-not-really already knew, and Jesse and I have been hanging out with them a ton. Jesse kind of more than me. Which is fine!!

Anyway I'm 15 now? If I lived somewhere normal I'd be psyched about almost being 16, because I'd get a car and have a Sweet Sixteen and eat a huge PINK cake, but I don't!

February 16, 2020

I read this fanfic the other night that was written in the second person so everything was like "you." "you're doing this" etc you know?

So... You go to a drive-in movie with Heartthrob Boy, and he spills soda on you by accident. And you take off your shirt ( you have a tank top on, don't worry) to clean it up, bit you're still all sticky and self-conscious about being sticky and HTB like... used his tongue to get it off??? AAHHHHH I'M DISGUSTING

but also I wonder if a boy will ever touch any part of me with his tongue

March 2, 2020

Hi I don't know if you heard but I have friends :)))

March 15, 2020

I think I'm so into painting my nails and doing my hair because those are things that always fit. I don't have to worry about places not carrying about a size 8, or places that carry XLs but when you read the measurements they're actually size 8s too and it's like jesus if that's an XL what am I

My "mom" was confused why I needed new pants because mine still look new, but I showed her the thigh holes and she was like "that's a weird place for a hole, how did that happen" and I realized that when your legs are a certain size, you just don't know about thigh rub and what it does to clothes. Pants could just last for years.

No matter what, I can paint my nails with a different color nail polish on every finger, and I can always do a braid crown. And I know I'm cute as hell, etc, so this is not a Marin Needs to Learn to Love Herself thing. It's just an UGH thing

April 17, 2020

So Rose does all these Source experiments on plants and flowers and stuff. Tbh, it's just one if those things I hardly even register anymore because it's just always there. She's explained to me a million times what Source is/does/means, but the way Rose explains things sometimes is just a LOT to take in and she refers to me as a "child of Source" but I kinda figure that's like "child of God" right? What else would that mean?

But anyway, it's really annoying because dried flowers are a part of my new aesthetic and I pinned a bunch of them up on my wall but I woke up this morning to a freaking jungle of very alive flowers. I freaked out. on Rose, and she Rose said she didn't do it and I was like WELL THEN WHO DID and she said that I did??

Which like. Obviously that doesn't make sense. I asked her what she meant and She just shook her head and said " It's happening. We should have known" which is some horror movie shit that she refused to elaborate on. I love to feel safe and normal!!

Or maybe it's not a horror movie at all. But maybe it's a superhero movie? Maybe there's some kind of origin story I don't know about yet, and all of this will be worth it once I figure out my powers. I wonder what my costume will look like. Lol.

April 23, 2020

Is it possible to die from longing? I know that sounds melodramatic, but I'm also kinda serious?? Because it seems like one of those things that could fester and get infected and kill you. It's like when you fall down and bang up your knee, and you need to put a band-aid on the scrape for a while, but THEN you need to air it out - but how do you know when you're supposed to do each one of those things? And if you do either one too much, your knee gets infected. What if I smother my heart with band-aids for too long and it gets infected? This isn't about anybody. I just keep having these dreams about someone I never expected to have dreams about and they're so intense that they keep leaking into my life and I wonder if I need to do something about them.

May 2, 2020

So Jesse's gotten really into metal music, and I tried to get her to play me something since, AS PREVIOUSLY ESTABLISHED, that's what we've literally ALWAYS DONE with music and each other, and she kinda looked at Ximena out of the corner of her eye and said like "I don't think it's really your thing" And it was the meanest thing anybody's ever said to me.

So later I looked up Zenion, the band she was talking about, and I listened to every single fucking song they've ever recorded turned up as loud as it could go with my own headphones that are better than hers anyway, and I loved it. And I didn't love it just because she said I wouldn't. I loved it because it was loud and weird and wild and when I listened to it it made me feel like it's not crazy when so feel stuff so hard it's like my heart's gonna vibrate out of my body. And I would have told Jesse all this and we could have shared it, but I guess she thinks just because I like HTB and glitter and stuff, I don't have the capacity for anything else.

She clearly doesn't know me at all. So much for any kind of whatever, why would she ever want to kiss someone she clearly sees as like a stupid baby.

May 7, 2020

The dreams are getting weirder and they're happening more. I'm getting scared to go to sleep. Not that the dreams are always scary (they almost never are, or not scary like in a typically scary horror movie way). I mean, I've only ever been me. I don't know what other peoples' dreams are like.

The other night in one I was jumping on a trampoline, which is something I've never done in real life. I told Rose about it when I woke up, and she said "do you even know how to jump on a trampoline?" and I said "Rose, it's not like riding a bike. You don't have to learn. You just jump." and then we got into this whole thing about how some things we just know, and jumping's one of them, and how that's so weird. Sometimes I really like talking to Rose about stuff.

May 19, 2020

So, it's prom season in the real world. If I lived somewhere normal, my prom dress would be pink with lots of tulle and silk flowers at the shoulders, and it would fit perfectly and trying in dresses would be fun and not anxiety-inducing.

But since there are only like 10 teenagers currently in 7MV, were not having a homecoming. Cool.

May 27, 2020

So, mom came to visit this weekend, and I asked her about her prom. She was Typical Cecelia at first, very "Prom is a waste of time and money, Marin. It's a night when lesser people play dress-up to engage with their aspirations of grandeur." And I was like eyeroll forever and just stopped talking. BUT THEN she actually talked to me like a human being. She was like, "I actually didn't go to my prom" and when I asked her why she said that she didn't have a date, and was very self-conscious about it. I almost passed out at her admitting that she's ever been anything less than perfect.

(gonna continue this in reblog)