#“hindi ka kase nagdadasal kaya ka rin napupunta sa mga lgbt na yan eh”
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woops my hand slipped
thinking thoughts
#mia's ramblings#anyway#2 years worth of trauma hit me like a truck last night and im gonna compile 'em all here#okay it started with my mom shouting at me and like it made me like pissed off bc girl i cant fucking read ur mind what do you want from me#and then ig it made me think about what happened on my birthday and yea#idk man i just#want her to listen#then i started thinking about how i told her i wanted to kill myself for like 5 years now and she basically just dismissed it all#“hindi ka kase nagdadasal kaya ka rin napupunta sa mga lgbt na yan eh”#and then That got me thinking like#girl. i did pray#like exactly 2 years ago now#technically a year and a day ago bc it happened on the 5th of july 2021 but#i remember vividly#i was uh crying#and it was raining pretty loudly#and i was praying (wow ikr /lh)#like hey God uh why cant i be fucking normal??? why do i have to be this way???#and basically i asked Him like#if it rained before or on my cousin's birthday then that means that yk. i was “normal” and that yk maybe this was what He wanted or sm shit#and guess what#it fucking rained like three days later#and like#the happiness?? i felt??? when it rained???? i just#yeah#and like i was thinking if God Himself can give me an answer and find the time to listen to a 13 year olds woes then#why cant my own mother cant#and basically this train of thought brought me back when i was 10 when she found out i was saying 'i want to die' and stuff to myself on#-messenger and#yeah she uh
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