#“I hadn't expected to meet you again after all these years. it would have been better had we not met”

[sparrowrye]

Archivist's Oath || Alastor x Reader, Chapter 3

Synopsis: Alastor is starting to realize that he may have fallen a little too hard for us

Master List

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Alastor sat stiffly on the couch, long hooves tapping the old carpet while his fingers played with the string he found in the couch the other day. Rain pelted the forest above but little of it reached the alcove thanks to the trees and brambles protecting this hidden secret. You had barely completed your chores before the rain forced you inside for the remainder of the day.

The normally self-assured mage was at a complete loss at how to proceed. He stole glances at you from where you sat on the opposite end of the couch. Since the kiss you'd shared the night before, you had grown quiet and reserved again. You hadn't pulled away, not exactly, but you weren't leaning into him or striking up a conversation like you usually did. It unnerved him more than he wanted to admit.

He tied the string around one of his fingers until it cut off circulation. He shouldn't have kissed you. He was going to leave soon and trying to involve himself with a woman so cut off from the rest of the world, so far away from his home, and an Archivist no less, was not exactly the most ideal candidate for his affections. To be frank, he didn't know he even had it in him.

But then...

What if he convinced you to come with him? What if he convinced you to join him at Pentagram City? What if he convinced you to share the books with him? If you were as invested in him as he expected, would you be willing to bend your oath?

The idea was outlandish, he knew that, but still crossed his mind. Archivists were well known to be unbreakable. There wasn't a single known Archivist to have given in and shared their books or knowledge. They either burned the books, were killed in interrogations, or committed suicide before anyone could question them.

Alastor knew you had resilience. That much was obvious given that you continued to live alone for five years after the passing of your grandmother and mother, even if it was painfully obvious that you were lonely. Could he entice you out of your little cave and into a world full of colors and excitement?

Then there was the matter of...him.

How often had you used the old crank radio? Did you listen to his broadcasts? Did you know who the Radio Demon was? Even if you didn't know who he was, what would happen when you did find out? Would you seal yourself off forever, falling back on that stupid oath on default? You already had a tendency to lock down when something...tense happened.

He uncoiled the string from his finger then roughly raked his fingers through his hair. Serves him right for being interested in an Archivist of all people. He had only met one other Archivist in his life and the man shouted his oath on repeat until his dying breath.

Granted, Alastor's meeting with the Archivist had been thirty-seconds at best but it was plenty for him to want to know more about this hidden group. He knew he would meet at least one more on his conquest, but developing...feelings was something he hadn't planned for.

He stole more glances your way. You were sitting on the other edge of the couch, your legs tucked up neatly, as you sketched away at the kitchen scene before you. Your shoulders were visibly tense and it was usually you who wouldn't stop staring, not him.

He let out a sigh and dropped his head against the back of the couch cushion, a hand coming up to rest on his stitches. Even though it was boring, this life style was a sanctuary he hadn't been expecting. Perhaps, until he could find a way to communicate with his team, he could enjoy this a little bit longer.

He lifted his head and gently called your name. You gave a hum in response, eyes not moving from your sketch. He dug his heel into the carpet. "You seem...distracted."

~*~

"I'm not," I mumbled. I continued to shade in an area on the floor, accidentally darkening it too much as my attention split.

"You've been...quiet."

I shrugged. "Probably the rain. I'm not a fan."

I heard him shift on the couch and spared a glance his way. He was watching me closely, those beautiful crimson eyes weighing on me with an intensity I wasn't prepared for. I looked back to my sketch.

"I don't often find myself at a loss for words but..." He pulled at the collar of his shirt like it had just shrunk a size. "I must admit you seem to render me speechless at times."

"Your humor says otherwise." It was meant to be a jibe but it failed...miserably.

"My dear..." his tone grew more serious. "I can't help but wonder...did I overstep?"

My hand stilled over the drawing. My heart started to race as the silence grew, the intensity with it. I wanted to look but not at the same time. I had been hoping he wouldn't bring up yesterday but that had been a far-fetched hope. All he ever did was talk.

"No."

I went back to sketching. I continuously glanced in his direction, as if worried he might move too quickly for me to react to something. I could tell he had a quick temper from our previous exchanges and I had to remind myself that I barely knew him. I knew what he was like in the given circumstances, but I didn't know him.

"Then...what is it?" he ventured.

Of course he put it back on me. I drew the same line repeatedly as I brewed over how to respond to a question like that. How was I supposed to answer a question that I didn't even know the answer to myself?

"It's nothing," I mumbled. I could never explain the inner turmoil I was facing.

"Perhaps I misread the room," he said with a sigh. "It hadn't been my intention to make you uncomfortable."

"No...you're fine." Pencil in hand, I dropped my forehead into my palm. "I'm not...it wasn't...uncomfortable."

"Would you prefer it if I...didn't do it again?"

"No. I wouldn't." My face grew impossibly warm as I went back to my sketch. My knees were starting to ache from keeping them bent so high and tight. My fingers, too, from clutching the pencil so hard.

The silence continued to drone on, the faint sound of rain drenching the forest above. The lines in my sketch were starting to blur and my head throbbed softly from the adrenaline rush still running through my veins.

Al shifted to lay down and dropped his feet directly in my lap. My glare met his smirk. "What are you doing?"

"Getting comfortable," he articulated. "That way at least one of us is."

My mouth opened and closed twice, words failing me until I shoved his hooves off, only for them to return a moment later. "Absolutely not. You're just at fault."

"Then relax a tad, my dear." He fluttered his fingers and a gentle breeze pushed against my shoulders in an effort to push me back into the couch cushion.

"It's a tad hard to when you're a footrest." I tried pushing his feet off again but they suddenly wrapped around my waist and gave a quick pull to dislodge me from the armrest. "You're impossible." I dropped my sketchbook on the table then attempted to pry his feet off once more. He locked his ankles on the other side of me.

"Oh come now, I'm the one whose injured. Surely you wouldn't begrudge me this small comfort." He placed a hand on his chest and feigned an innocent smile that made me want to do nothing but stare at him for hours.

"Perhaps I would if you actually took care of your hooves." I wiggled the footclaw by the tip of its point. I smoothed my thumb down the inner edge until I reached the furry spot between the hooves. "These things look like they haven't been--"

He jerked his leg sharply and let out a choked, undignified snort. Our eyes widened at each other, mouths slightly agape while his leg hovered in the air between us. It lasted only a moment before realization hit me.

It was my turn to smile mischievously. "You're ticklish."

"I'm not." He sat up and tried to pull his other leg free but I leaned back into the cushion and grabbed his ankle, effectively pinning it behind me.

My grin grew wider. "You totally are." With the leg still trapped behind my back, I reached down and lightly gripped the bottom of his foot. The reaction was immediate and glorifying. He cursed my name with a barely contained laugh. The break in his usual calm, composed, and prideful demeanor melted all the tension away in an instant.

"Stop that!" he cried through another burst of laughter. He gave a harsh pull of his leg, dragging me with it until I was within reaching distance. I let go and sprang off the couch but he was faster, arms grabbing my waist and pulling me back down so my back was against his healing chest. "You don't know what you started, my dear."

His fingers moved along my sides and under my arms as I burst into laughter and tried to pull away. It took one arm on my waist to keep me trapped to him while the other moved around my flailing arms.

"Al no! I can't--stop! Al! I don't...I don't wanna hurt you!" I finally grabbed hold of his wrist but he was unnaturally strong, still reaching under my arms and pulling more fits of laughter. I could hear softer laughs behind me as I failed to free myself. "Okay okay! I give up! Please!"

At once he relented. I scrambled to the other end of the couch, giggles trailing off as I tried to catch my breath. Al bore his smug smirk as he, too, took a moment to breathe. A red tipped hand splayed over his chest as he did.

"Are you okay?" I asked, my own smile still pinching my cheeks.

"Let that be a lesson to you," he said instead, "Not to mess with me again."

I laid down to mirror him and draped my feet over his legs. "You're in my home. You should be lucky I tolerate you."

He shifted lower and extended his ridiculously long legs to rest by my shoulders, warily watching my hands in case I were to test him again. "Ah, and tolerate me you do."

{|}

"You're being awfully cryptic tonight," Al said. The forest was quiet save for the gentle gust of wind through the trees and the crunch of sticks and leaves under their feet. Never did he go anywhere without his boots but since his arrival at your bunker, he had yet to actually put them back on. The soft earth felt too good under his hooves.

"It's called a surprise," you replied, hand gripping his and dragging him through the trees with his blindfold still on.

"It feels more like you're testing my endurance." The tips of his hooves grazed over a rock. You were surprisingly upbeat and chipper since the tickling match the day before. It was refreshing.

"You'll see."

"That's hardly an answer."

"It's the only one you're gonna get."

He furrowed his eyebrows but didn't venture further. Instead, he let you guide him through the forest in a twisted pathway that left him more disoriented than when he first left the alcove. He wasn't sure if that was done on purpose or by accident from the sporadicalness of your nature.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, his blindfold was removed. They stood before one of the old buildings that surrounded the forest, towering several flights overhead. The stone was chipping and cracking away but the vines and other natural elements seemed to be gluing everything together.

"You know I've seen one of these before, right my dear?" he teased.

"Save your breath. You're gonna need it." Without another word, you disappeared into the dark entrance of the building. He let out a sigh with a shake of his head but followed.

A single lantern in your hand led the way up the broken stairs. He was slower, thanks to his injury, and he felt a trickle of magic from the floor above before he clambered up. When there weren't any stairs, thick vines and brambles took their place.

You had magic.

Little, by the feel of it against his own magic, but magic nonetheless. You were just one big puzzle piece he enjoyed putting together.

Eventually they reached the roof. His hair was sticking to his forehead with sweat and he welcomed the cool gust of wind. He barely had time to catch his breath before it was promptly taken from him again as you blew out the lantern, revealing a sea of stars before his very eyes. He lost his balance on his knees but continued to stare up at the night sky.

He had seen this same sky before but it somehow felt different this time. It expanded well beyond everywhere he looked, blanketing him in its navy pastel canvas. The stars felt so close yet so distant. Perhaps he had hit his head a little too hard on his fall into your alcove.

Your giggle broke the trance as you laid down, hands behind your head. He joined you, situating himself so there was barely an inch between your shoulders.

"I didn't take you for the stargazing type," he commented.

"I used to come here all the time as a teenager," you said softly, almost wistfully, "It was the one thing I could count on. Even if there were clouds, I still knew the stars were shining behind it, just waiting to break through." You extended a hand into the sky and pinched the air, like you were trying to pluck one of the crisp stars from its spot.

He turned his head to look at you, his chest welling with something he couldn't quite place. "I didn't think there was much to...be concerned about in your life."

You were quiet for a moment and he mentally berated himself for the comment. His scolding was silenced when you spoke up, "No, but there's always something to stress yourself out with. My mother and grandmother didn't always see eye to eye, and neither did my mother and I. Once my grandmother died...things were really tense between us."

A moment passed while Alastor tried to think of what to say next. "And you brought me all the way up here because...?"

You shrugged. "I thought you might like it. You don't seem like the stargazing type, either." You turned to look at him too, now realizing how close his face was to yours. He could've sworn he saw a blush in the starlight. "But...also because I wanted to share it with someone."

His fingers twitched, then reached out to carefully, uncertainly, rest over yours. He watched a smile creep across your face and he took that as a green light, covering your entire hand and threading his fingers with yours. "Beautiful..." he murmured.

A soft giggle. "Me or the stars?"

"You."

He lifted your hand to press a gentle kiss to the back of it, deep crimson eyes never once leaving yours. It made your smile grow and your curled towards him on your side. "That wasn't very subtle of you."

"I wasn't trying to be." His smile mirrored yours as he lowered your clasped hands on his chest. You shifted closer so your shoulder was finally touching his, warmth seeping through your bones and up to your cheeks.

~*~

As the minutes stretched, the silence grew heavier, but not uncomfortably. The wind whistled softly up here and the stars shone down on us. It was a peace I had never known. It was a peace I didn't want to let go. It was a peace I was so afraid of losing.

I had grown used to letting things happen to me. I had grown used to going with the flow, of doing what I was told. I had grown used to so much in my plain, simple life. For once, I didn't want to let something just happen.

I pulled my fingers out of his grip, earning a worried look from Al as he let me pull away. I shifted and propped myself up on my elbow so I was leaning partly over him, just as he had done to me the other day. His smile, though slightly wary, grew as I laid a gentle hand on his stitched chest. His other hand came to rest on my lower back.

"Do you ever wonder what's out there?" Al asked, a slight shake in his tone. His hand covered mine that was covering his stitches.

"Sometimes."

He raised an eyebrow.

"Well, a lot," I corrected. "I used to imagine what it would be like to escape. To leave everything behind and be...whoever."

His fingers trailed up my arm softly, raising goosebumps in his wake. They touched my shoulder then tucked my hair behind my ear, giving way for him to rest his palm against my cheek. His smile was sweet and wide enough that one of his canine teeth poked through his lips.

"But...lately," I went on, voice softer now as I leaned closer, "I find myself appreciating what's right in front of me."

His fingers on my cheek and back tightened just a smidge, but I had been anticipating a reaction and noticed. My hand fell off his chest to hold myself up on the other side of him, replicating the exact stance he had pulled with me.

"Do you, Al?"

He didn't answer right away, eyes drinking in every inch of my features in the darkness. One of his red ears twitched again. It brushed against the stone and made me giggle softly. It seemed to help him find his words. "There's many things I don't appreciate. However...I think you've shown me a new kind of appreciation for things."

I leaned closer. "That's good."

His eyes reflected the starlight, making it appear as if the universe was looking back at me. In that moment, he was my universe.

His lips parted to say something but nothing came out. He tried twice more with the same results. His star-filled eyes continued to look at me, searching and vulnerable. It was a look I had never seen on anyone, least of all him. We may not know each other's past, but somehow it still felt like we knew everything. It felt raw and soul-deep; a mutual understanding that the stars were aligning just for us.

Before I could think better of it, I leaned down to kiss him. It was just as gentle as the first, and even a little shaky. His hand moved to the back of my head and his other one pressed into my back.

The stars and the universe faded to the back of my mind. There was only him. The strength of his arm, the beating of his heart, and the warmth of his lips.

I pulled away. Not very far—just enough that the tips of our noses brushed against each other's. His eyes fluttered open, reflecting the stars once more and the outline of my silhouette. There was only me. Nothing else had his attention, not even the gorgeous sprawl of stars behind me.

The press on my back pulled me in. Heavy breaths filled my lungs as the intensity grew in a split second. His arm climbed the rest of the way so it hooked on my shoulder, keeping me pinned against his mostly healed chest. I hooked my foot around both his knees to bring him closer as my lips burned against his.

His breath fanned my upper lip through the kiss but I had yet to take another breath. I had to push against his grip until he let go, cheeks flushed and lips glistening in the blue light. "Breathe through it," he instructed, pulling me back down before I could catch my breath.

His tongue gently touched my lips before slipping inside. I stilled at the new sensation but he was quick to keep going, dousing me in scents of leather, smoke, and cinnamon. Breathing deeply, I gave in to temptation.

My hand threaded through his hair, and I slowly reached up for his ears as his fingers dragged all over my back. I touched the base of his ears and his hand fisted my hair, making me whimper from the sting.

Almost instantly he moaned and the vibrations ran down my throat and in my chest. I returned the moan, one hand gripping his ear that was unnaturally soft. He'd never let me touch them.

He moved down my spine and grabbed my ass. I yelped, momentarily breaking the kiss, but he was quick to lure me back with a guiding hand on the back of my head. Our bodies shifted against one another and hands gripped at clothes like we starved for touch. We were.

Then it happened.

A soft ruffling broke the stillness. I pulled away sharply, leaving Al to stare wide-eyed at the new display above him, breath uneven. A pair of delicate, white tipped feathers shimmered in the dim light, the stars licking the edges of my wings in a soft glow.

"No! I'm sorry!" My hands struggled to keep my shirt over my chest while the other tried to shove them back into the tattoo on my back. They weren't listening!

"Don't." The softness of his tone made me freeze, and I glanced over to see him sitting up. His eyes jumped between my face and the wings I was failing to hide behind my smaller frame. "Don't hide them."

My wings had pulled my shirt up and I covered my slightly exposed chest with both arms. Al shifted closer. "I-I'm sorry," I apologized again, leaning back on my heels as he drew nearer. "They—it sometimes happens when I'm...overwhelmed." I bowed my head as embarrassment bled through like an open wound.

"Overwhelmed, huh?"

My glare was half-hearted at best. "Don't start."

He chuckled but his eyes were drawn back to the still visible wings. Tentatively, he reached out. "May I?"

My wings stuttered as I drew them back to their normal position, directly in front of him. His dark fingers brushed one of the feathers, eyes lighting up in awe. "They're...gorgeous."

"You're not upset?"

His red glazed flickered to me. "Why would I be upset?"

"That I...didn't tell you about them?"

His smile softened but his eyes remained on the feathery veil. "There is a lot that we aren't telling each other." His fingers reached further up to touch the lean muscle that carried the feathers. I flinched and he retracted his hand, then slowly reached again. His fingers moved along the soft muscle and sent a funny feeling down my spine.

When was the last time someone had touched my wings?

A chill ran through my body when he moved closer to my back. His stupid smirk returned, though not as intense as it usually was. "Sensitive, hm?"

"Okay, you don't get to touch anymore." I pulled my wings out of reach and turned to face him completely. He chuckled and crossed his legs in front of me, red tipped hooves grazing the old concrete.

"You're really something, you know," he said sweetly. He rested his chin on his hand and just...looked at me.

~*~

Alastor watched the way your wings curled inward and successfully hid you behind a blanket of brown and white feathers. "Are you hiding from me?" He shifted closer, yet again, until his knees touched the feathers.

"No," you mumbled.

Was that a...tail he saw behind you?

He reached through the soft wall and found your knees. His fingers moved lightly up and down your thighs, finally able to feel the strong muscles you had built from your lifestyle. Your wings shuttered at his touch.

"They're very expressive," he said with a gentle squeeze on your thighs.

"So are your ears."

As if on cue, they both flicked. They twisted backwards as he grumbled. He rarely gave them much thought since they rarely did anything other than stand up straight, but then again, you elicited a lot of different things in him.

He graced over the comment. "You don't need to be shy, my dear."

"I'm not shy," you said as if you weren't still hiding behind a veil of feathers. He found your arms and moved down to grasp a hand, gently pulling it out of the feathery cave and placing a kiss on your knuckles. Your wings fluttered again.

He gripped both your thighs and gave a quick, sharp pull towards him. Your wings sprung open in an attempt to keep your balance and he moved quickly, snaking his arms under your legs and pulling you to sit on his lap. Your feet crossed behind him while your arms latched onto his shoulders, his hand pressing into your back—in between the joints of your wings—to bring you closer.

His tail wagged softly as he coerced you even closer, finally able to feel your slightly exposed chest against his. He briefly closed his eyes as he rubbed the tip of his nose against yours.

He wasn't thinking. He was acting. He wasn't strategizing. He was running with the wind. He wasn't floating. He was falling deeper and deeper in those beautiful eyes, sweet scent, and soft skin. He was falling deeper in a place he never believed was possible.

I'm done for, was all he could think as he kissed you.

His hands moved along your bare back and gripped the base of your wings. It made your whole body shudder, wings ruffling behind him and encasing both bodies in a protective, feathery circle. Perhaps, just for once in his life, he could indulge in something without thinking it through.

He hungrily ate your every moan, shiver, whine, and heated breath. He held you tight, afraid to lose you, afraid that you would suddenly disappear. His fingers tangled in your hair as his tongue slipped into your scalding mouth. You were warm. You were calm. You were strong. You were steadfast. You were everything he wanted.

He sucked in a breath through his nose, a slow, deep breath to draw in your earthy scent. It was as if he had known that scent all his life. It was as if he had known you his whole life.

Your fingers clasped behind his head while your legs held onto him, pulling you even closer than you already were. But it wasn't enough. He wanted to lose himself in the starlight of your eyes, in the glow of your wings, in the warmth of your kiss, and in the gentleness of your touch.

Nothing could pull him from this moment. Not the way his stitches constricted, not the way his pants felt a size too small, not the way your teeth clanged frequently against his, and not the way you gripped his ear a little too hard. You were all he wanted.

In the distant future, he knew the nature of things would make it rough, but this time—this time—he would actually fight for something he truly wanted.

Little did he know how much of a fight he would actually have to face.

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Author's Notes:

Y'all voted for head-over-heels-Alastor, and I provided :)

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Taglist:

@sirens-and-moonflowers @papas-ghoulette

[plumadesatada]

was anybody going to tell me that Phoenix Wright, defense attorney, and Miles Edgeworth, prosecutor, used to date, or was I supposed to infer that from Turnabout Samurai post-trial subtext myself???

[reiderwriter]

🧺 Any More 🧺

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

For the CM Kink Bingo Challenge 2024

Requested: spencer realizing that he’ll never love someone as much as he loves you. (whether that be because of a case or what have you), his mind is absolutely blown with how much he worships you and how much you love and care for him and he shows you that with the softest most sickeningly sweet sex you and him has ever done. <3

Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI! Discussions of case details, case burnout, very close friends to lovers, oral (f receiving), vanilla sex (p in v penetration). Discussions of mental health, and two idiots in love.

A/N: I'm hitting the prompt Vanilla for this one, so please don't be scared off by the KinkBingo tags! I had a lot of fun writing this one (and adding Pride and Prejudice quotes into the smut scene because HELLO). Let me know what you think in the replies~♡

Masterlist || Bingo Board

You hadn't seen Spencer in 100 days. Which in the grand scheme of things wasn't that long, trapped in the purgatory of a ‘what if’ the way you had been for the last eight years. 

You'd lived without him for longer than 100 days before. He'd been in prison, you'd been on assignments, you'd lived an entire life before meeting him, but now somehow 100 days was too much time, and you were exhausted. You understood why Spencer had to take some time away from you, from the team in an official capacity after everything he'd been through. You supported him even. 

But when even your free time didn't overlap anymore, you wondered if your relationship would ever be the same again. 

Spencer was a friend, your best friend, probably. You'd arrived on the BAU team, he'd rattled off some statistics, stammering the way through them, and you'd immediately warmed to the man. He was brilliant, funny, and fiercely loyal, and you tried your best to protect him even when the job seemed designed to break people like him into thousands of little pieces. 

You'd tried to convince him to leave before, after Maeve had died. You didn't want to see him heart broken again, but no one else had seemed to agree. 

“Reid needs purpose,” they'd said. “Reid needs something to do.” 

What Reid needed was to not end up dead before he had a chance to be happy, and happiness didn't come often in your field of work. 

You'd been almost vindicated a year later when he'd been shot again, almost fatally. Vindicated, maybe but distraught and inconsolable. Morgan had to carry you screaming and clawing out of his hospital room multiple times. It sounded stupid enough to yourself that it was only then you realized your feelings for the man. 

You wanted to be Spencer Reid's happiness, which was why you were so lost without him. 

He was coming back on Monday, and at least you had the weekend to sort your feelings out about everything.not just about him, but about the job you'd found didn't fit you well enough anymore, about the team you loved like family, about the relationship you knew would likely never come to fruition. 

You dumped your bags at your door when you'd arrived in your house that night, pushed yourself into your bedroom and let yourself collapse on your bed, balling up into as cozy a position as you could. You didn't even bother taking your jacket off, you just let your brain haze over and sleep rush in. 

Three quiet raps at your door lifted you up and out of bed again, not an hour later. 

You grabbed your phone, grabbed the second go-bag you kept at your house, put your shoes back on, and opened the door, expecting Emily and a new case. 

“Where are we going?” You said, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes, not even looking up at your guest. 

“Hopefully, nowhere? I brought takeout.” 

Your eyes widened then, taking in all 185cm of Doctor Spencer Reid, tweed jacket and plastic bag full of chow mein included. 

“Spencer,” you breathed out, like a sigh of relief, letting the bag drop to the floor next to the first one and letting yourself into his arms. 

He held you carefully there for a second before leading you back into the apartment, wrapping an arm around you and ruffling your hair. It was brotherly, and it made you sick to your stomach. 

“What are you doing here?” 

“Emily said you were back from a case,” he started, unpacking the takeaway from the containers. “And it feels wrong to eat this without you.” 

You rolled your eyes and followed him into the kitchen, pulling two forks out of the drawer nearer you and stabbing them in the top of your two cups. 

“Hey, I can use chopsticks now,” he said, defending himself against an inside joke. Spencer was always useless with his hands. 

“I don't care if you can use them, I care that they don't accidentally end up stabbing me,” you said, taking yourself back to your bedroom, Spencer following. 

“You'd hardly die from being stabbed by a wooden chopstick, maybe a papercut or a splinter but-” 

“But you're just bad enough that I don't want to risk it.” 

You kicked off your shoes again and climbed onto your bed. Spencer followed. 

“Remind me again why we aren't sitting on your couch?” 

“Uncomfortable.” 

“Or at your breakfast bar?” 

“Glorified filing cabinet right now. Eat.” 

He shook his head but complied, leaning back against your pillows as you both began carefully eating. Silently, you pulled your laptop onto your bed, opened it up, and pressed play on a movie, one you'd seen more than once, and you'd forced Spencer to watch before as well. 

In a comfortable, friendly silence, you finished your food. You stretched out in a yawn once and then curled into his side, letting his mumbling voice, repeating the movie lines as they were spoken, lull you softly into sleep. 

Spencer knew he had to leave, but he couldn't bring himself to wake you. The movie had finished hours ago, he'd closed the laptop and turned off the bug lights, but he couldn't leave. 

Unlike you, he hadn't counted the days that you'd been apart. He hadn't needed to. He knew you'd be waiting there for him when he returned, knew you'd give him a smile and a pat on the back, and immediately start bouncing ideas off of him. It was what he loved about you. 

As he laid next to you in your bed, a place he'd absolutely been before, his heart thumped. Just once, but hard. 

Even in sleep, you looked exhausted. Your shirt was crumpled, hair a mess, you were still wearing makeup, and he knew he'd probably get an earful for letting you sleep like that in the morning. You were a mess, and he still wanted you. 

The thought came to him suddenly, another painful thump of his chest echoing in his mind. He rubbed absent mindedly at his chest as if experiencing heartburn. In the dim light of the room, he let his head drop to the pillow and wrapped two shaky arms around you and pulled you in closer. 

The two of you were a picture - both in suits, both with badges still somewhere on your person, both dearly clinging to the person they feared losing the most. 

When you woke the next morning, it was actually the afternoon. 

“Spencer,” you groaned, melting under the heat of his embrace. Somehow, during the night, he'd rolled on top of you, pressing you into the bed with a delightful pressure, head nuzzled into your neck, arms tucked around your waist. 

“Spencer, we should get up,” you said again, forcing your eyelids apart as your mascara tried to glue them together. 

“Mmmmhh,” he groaned, moving to pick himself up off you for a minute but lowering himself again. If asked, he'd blame your hand in his hair, stroking the rogue curls gently, as if he were a prized pet and you their carer. 

“Spencer, its 2pm.” 

“On a Saturday.” You laughed at how pouty his voice sounded, but he complied and rolled off of you slightly, arms still wrapped around you. 

“Come on. Get up. I've got some clothes that might fit you, let's get you out of the tweed.” 

He huffed but nodded and lifted himself halfway to upright, eyes still closed lazily as he let in the light millimetre by millimetre. 

“God, my face feels horrible,” you said, itching at your nose. “How did we even sleep so long like this? My belt is still on, Spencer, my belt.” 

“If you were still wearing a weapon, then I'd be worried,” he smiled. 

You shot him a sarcastic look and finally detangled yourself, only to clasp his hands and pull him forward as well, letting him trail you to your closet. 

“Here, change in the bathroom,” he nodded and walked away, following directions with eyes still closed, as if it were really his apartment and not your own. 

100 days without him, and it was as if it had only been 100 hours. Your entire body chemistry changed when he was around, the stick holding your spine rigidly in place, dissolving into calm, into a smile and a free giggle. It felt right again, and you almost forgot you'd ever felt wrong. 

After briefly changing, you swapped place with Spencer, who'd exited the bathroom with a toothbrush hanging out of his mouth and wet hair. 

“Dry it for me?” He asked, sitting on your couch, and you nodded your ascent. A shower and a quick change later, and you were doing just that. 

As much as he tried to keep his head upright, it kept lolling onto your thigh, yawns stretching out of him as he nuzzled closer to you. 

“Spencer, you're like a big kid, keep your head up.” 

“I'm not a kid,” he laughed, hooking his arms behind your knees and nuzzling closer into your soft sweats. “I'm just tired.” 

“You're right. A child would probably be better behaved.” 

“Our child would be,” he sighed, but you'd already turned the hairdryer back on, drowning out everything. Everything but that thump again. A child, he was thinking about children, and more importantly, he was thinking about your children. With him. 

He'd always imagined himself with a family, knowing it would ultimately stay in his imagination. But for a second, his visions changed. It wasn't just a child or two. It was you. Thump. 

Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. 

He only released the image when you finally pushed his head off of you and stood, turning away from him to get a glass of water from your kitchen. 

“So, any plans today? Books to read, papers to mark, undergrads to run away screaming from?” You let the ice water cool your hot cheeks, but kept your back to him. You were hot, embarrassed, and you were looking at him in a sickeningly sweet way that could only be described as love struck or struck dumb. 

“No, no, I finished all my obligations at the college yesterday,” he said, following behind you and picking up your cup when you set it down, taking a sip himself. 

“I was… I was actually hoping we could spend some time together? Unless you had plans, which is totally fine-” 

“No, Spencer, yeah, I have no plans, that's…. Well I have to do laundry, which is a bit boring but, no. No plans.” 

“Laundry?” 

“Two week case in Florida, I don't know how you didn't smell me yesterday, Spencer. I'd be running for the hills.” 

He laughed and stepped away again, grabbing the two go bags by the door and coming back into your space. 

“How about we get this done now so we can spend the day in a Who-Trek marathon?” 

“Make that a Who-Greys Anatomy Marathon, and you have yourself a deal.” 

He pouted again, and you snorted at the sight, taking another sip of water to calm yourself before you could react safely to that face. 

“Come on, you know you've been dying to know what happens next at the Grey Sloane Memorial Hospital.” 

“I thought it was called the Seattle Grace Mercy?” 

“Oh we better get to that laundry now. You have a lot to catch up on.” 

Grabbing a bag in one hand and his free hand in your other, you made your way down to your building's laundry room. But despite the man by your side and the relaxing day threatening to stretch ahead of you, a gloom caught you in the corridors. 

You'd worked for two weeks, practically solid. You'd killed a man two days ago, or at least someone on your team had multiple shots having been fired. Another day on your job, another unsub felled, and everyone else was content with this just being a part of the job description. 

It felt like each step towards the laundry room, each thing you did that was normal, that was regular, threw back in your face the pain you endured to save lives. 

The bag in your hand weighed you down, pulling you lower and lower by the second. 

You reached the laundry room, and you found the weight almost unbearable, stopping just before you could step in. You didn't have to think about what came next though, because suddenly the bag was out of your hands and Spencer was sorting your laundry for you. 

“It's a Saturday, so your neighbour's won't complain if we separate the darks and lights into two machines, will they?” He asked, not looking up at you as he worked pouring out the fabric softener and the detergent. “Y/N?” 

You hadn't noticed the lightness in your body until the tears hit your cheeks, the weight gone with his support. 

“Y/N, what is it? What's wrong?” He said, hands cupping your face, because of course he was immediately at your side. 

“I-I can't do it, Spencer…” your voice shook, pitching upwards, your vision blurring with tears. 

“Can't do what, Y/N? Talk to me please, let me help?” 

“I can't do laundry!” You said, finally bursting into a full fit of tears and burying your head in his waiting chest. 

“L-Laundry?” He said, trying not to laugh, but the smile slipping out anyway now you were holding him. 

You only sobbed again, nodding into his shirt, aware you were probably leaving snot all over it but not being able to care. It was your shirt anyway. You would just have to add it back to your laundry pile. 

The thought set you off on another wave of sobs, and Spencer set about comforting you again. Keeping an arm wrapped around you, he put his quarters into the machines and set them off before quickly ushering you back up the stairs into your apartment. 

“Y/N? Y/N, please talk to me,” he begged, smoothing your hair out of your eyes as you tried to gather yourself.

“I don't…. I can't….” You took a breath again, aware of the way your breathing hitched in your chest as you did. 

“I don't think I can do this anymore,” you said, and his eyes widened quickly. 

“This? Y/N, if you mean this as in us, then I can't-” 

“This job,” you clarified, hands digging into the soft flesh of his arms further as he held you, finally sitting back on your couch. 

“The job. Okay, the job. That's okay. We all feel like this at some point.” 

You sniffed again and refused to meet his eyes. 

“But this isn't like the other times this - It's like my whole b-body is protesting, and I can't sleep, and if I don't, then I might get sloppy and an unsub could-” 

“Y/N, focus on my voice. You're spiralling. Listen to my voice, let's take some breaths, and think about this for a second.” 

He guided you through some breathing, a hand on your back tapping out beats even as his voice grew quiet. 

When you finally relaxed, you were sat on top of him, his hand rubbing circles into your back. 

“I think it started when you left,” you whispered. “When you went to Mexico, and then, you know,” you've voice thickened, and you couldn't get the words out. 

“And then these last 100 days they've just been…difficult.” 

“100…difficult,” he echoed, almost breathless as he listened to you. 

“It's like I can't do it without you. I never had to try to do it without you, and now I get what people say when they say this job is shitty, because it is when your best friend isn't there.” 

You gave him a weak smile and wiped away your tears, trying to climb from his lap. But his firm arms held you still, and you didn't really want out anyways. 

“When I get home, everything is different, and I can't make myself do anything. If you weren't here, I wouldn't have done that laundry. I'd let it sit and avoid it for weeks. Do you understand?” 

“Y/N, lots of people feel depressed sometimes-” 

“It's not - Spencer, I don't think this is something I can medicate my way out of. I don't know what to do because I can't do my job without you, and I can't be happy doing my job, and if I leave my job I'll be without you and then-” 

Your voice cracked again. 

“And then I still won't be happy.” The words were barely a whisper, but they were a plea, too. You weren't sure what for. 

“You can't be happy without me?” He asked, but it was more a statement than anything else. Spencer felt horrible in that moment as his chest rattled, gleeful that he was your happiness. 

“I love you,” he said, outloud finally after eight years. 

“I love you, too, Spencer, but-” 

“No, Y/N. Listen to me. I. Love. You.” The thumping of his heart set the tempo for the choir that was his senses to begin singing, as he finally leaned forward and kissed you.

“I love you, and I don't care if you're working at the BAU or if you're avoiding laundry at home. I, god, you're amazing and wonderful, and you're a human being, and you've our yourself under so much pressure for the last decade to keep me alive, to keep all of us alive really and….” 

He took another breath, leaning into kiss you one more time. 

“And you deserve a break.” 

“W-When we take breaks, people die.” 

“Did anyone die when I was teaching for the last three months? When JJ went on maternity leave?” 

You shook your head, but your brain was still a mess. 

“You all had reasons, I-” 

“You have reasons, too. Y/N…. Y/N, let me be your reason.” 

For a moment or two, Spencer truly thought you were going to say no. He thought you would get up and walk away, or better yet, ask him to leave and never come back. 

So when you pressed your lips to his, he was sure that this was a dream. 

But to you, it was salvation. Spencer Reid's love was the lifeline you'd been thrown, and it was buoyant enough to make you start floating. 

His hands kneaded the flesh at your hips as he pulled you closer still to him, his tongue slipping into your mouth to explore every part of you there. 

“Y/N… love…you,” he mumbled with each spare breath he caught, and you only detangled your lips to hear him say it again as he pressed similarly heated kisses against every inch of your exposed skin. 

When Spencer's mind lost its ability to create original speech, he leant back on a lifetime of information, of learning love through books and people and marathons with you. 

“I know that all I know right now is that I love you. And I know that I always will,” he whispered, lifting you and carrying you back to the bed you'd only crawled from an hour hence. 

A hand slid under your shirt, and slowly pushed it over your head, letting it slowly drop to the floor as he held you tenderly. 

“To me, you are perfect.”

His mouth found one nipple, and he gently kissed, then suckled at it, hands softly caressing your stomach, feeling along every ridge of you as you writhed under him. 

“Of all the FBI Units, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks into mine.” 

“Spencer,” you said, voice still thick with tears, but these ones more tender, more joyful. 

His hand eased your sweats over your ass and off, his hips settling between your legs as if he found the place he was made to lie forever. 

“The truth of it is, I’ve loved you from the first second I met you.” 

His mouth trailed lower until his tongue hit your clit, brushing against it languidly, as if it was his deepest desire to taste you and nothing else ever again.

His tongue flattened and flicked and pushed inside of you as you replayed his words again and again and again. You found yourself repeating them with him. 

“I love you,” you echoed as he pushed a finger inside of you. 

“I.. love you,” you gasped as he added another. 

“I love you,” you screamed as your back arched up off the bed, finding your pleasure in his tongue, just ad you'd found love in his words. 

“You have bewitched me body and soul, and I love….” He freed his cock from his pants, and took it in hand.

“I love…” With another kiss, he pressed the tip of it against you, asking for permission silently as you nodded your head. 

“I love you.” He pushed in slowly, but it wouldn't matter how he did it because now you knew how he felt, and you didn't want to return to a time of not knowing. 

Hooking your legs around him, Spencer dropped his forehead to yours and looked you directly in the eyes as he began moving. In and out, he thrust, mouth open in a moan of pleasure, likely mirroring your own.

The poetry, the movie lines, they were gone now, and Spencer was left with nothing but you, and love, and love for you. 

“Spencer,” you moaned out, and he felt his chest swell. Pride. His name on your tongue, his body pressed to yours, claiming you as his ad you claimed him as yours. 

He came with a shudder and you were not far behind, his undoing sending a shiver up your spine as his fingers grazed your clit again. 

You sat panting for a minute, still attached, still forehead to forehead. 

You weren't sure if it was him who giggled first or if it was you, but you were glad it was one of you. 

You spent the rest of the night, the rest of the weekend, wrapped in his warmth, dressed in his love, taking each day a step at a time as you basked in his adoration.

[thef1diary]

Baby Jr | One

— Friendly Banter

Series summary: The teasing, fleeting touches became much more on the night Carlos won, the sexual tension between you two reached a breaking point. Perhaps it was that night, or the many nights that followed, but you were pregnant with his child, putting you in a difficult situation.

Series Masterlist

© thef1diary 2024. all rights reserved. Do not copy, steal, translate, or repost any of my work.

pairing: carlos sainz x reader

Warnings: allusions to smut but no actual smut yet

wc: 2.9k

Note: here it is, the first chapter of many more to come. lemme know what you think, feedback is always appreciated.

You had caught the eye of a certain Ferrari driver from the moment you joined the team. He always looked at you in fascination, having the urge to find a way to figure you out but that's all it was for the longest time. Until it wasn't.

Carlos Sainz vividly remembers the first time he set his eyes on you. He was on his way to leave the headquarters in Maranello while you were on your way inside. Carlos' gaze was watchful, almost heavy with judgment as you hurried in through the doors with more items in your arms than you should've been able to carry.

He almost stopped you to ask who you were, but he noticed the badge clipped onto your jeans, media personnel. You had already passed him before he could read your name, and shook his head knowing that your name was the more important detail compared to your role.

You hadn't noticed him that day, but he noticed you.

He didn't see you again until the new season came around, having almost forgotten about your brief encounter at the end of the previous year. He had to do a double take once he saw you setting up the cameras for some content he was supposed to record along with his teammate.

It was a simple video that required the drivers to answer a few questions sent in by their fans, something that should've been easy since they've done it before. But he couldn't focus on anything but you. Given that you were the ones asking the questions, reading them off the short stack of cards you had in your hand, he wasn't outed for being distracted.

Knowing the drivers still had a busy day ahead of them, you began packing up the items once the video was filmed. Keeping your eyes locked on the task, you expected the drivers to be led away by their PR managers, so you were surely startled once you heard a voice acknowledging you.

Carlos stayed back, and roaming your gaze for a split second behind him, Charles had left. You knew who he was of course, after all you followed the sport for many years before you were given the opportunity to work for one of the teams.

"I don't think we properly met, I'm Carlos." He extended his hand out and you gladly accepted, shaking it while introducing yourself. You found it sweet that despite being one of the two faces of the team, he still introduced himself like you didn't know who he was.

As a junior media employee who was still relatively new to the team, you were informed in advance that you would rarely be interacting with the drivers.

So it wasn't surprising that while working in the same team, you rarely saw Carlos in person. Working under Silvia—the head of communications—you would usually be the one tasked to edit the challenge videos, creating enough content from various footage to keep the fans engaged. The few times you did see him in person was to conduct media challenges that the team planned every once in a while to give the fans a chance to know the drivers underneath their helmets.

As the season went on, you found that you were indeed given the wrong information; you did in fact meet the drivers again and again. You were given many opportunities to travel with the team, and it would've been absurd if you denied those opportunities—not that you had a choice since you were needed at almost every race.

You were glad to experience the thrill of Formula 1 from the front row seats, able to watch all the sessions in the weekend itself but also be a part of the journey with the drivers that not many people get to see.

It was inevitable to befriend many people along the way, especially with their welcoming nature despite some news outlets suggesting otherwise. Formula 1 could be considered as one giant family that obviously had issues every once in a while but no one outside of the sport could relate to them like each other. Especially since it was described like a traveling circus by a few drivers.

While you had befriended many other employees whether it was within your team or others, you also spoke to the other eighteen drivers often.

But no other driver invaded your thoughts like Carlos did.

You didn't know if you were overthinking it all, but you believed that Carlos was a tad bit too friendly compared to Charles or even any other driver for that matter.

Whether it was a compliment that left you a blushing mess, a lingering look that followed you until you left the room, or even a small graze of his fingers against your back while crossing your path, you couldn't think of anyone but him lately.

You heard a Monégasque accent calling your name and you slowed your pace, allowing him to catch up to you as you greeted without needing to look to see who it was, "Charles"

"Here, it's still hot," he was holding two disposable cups of coffee in his hands, extending one towards you.

You gestured to your own hands, carrying one too many things again.

He sighed, "I still don't know how you do that." He stopped walking as he neared a surface to put down the cups. "Here, give it to me," he spoke but didn't let you make a decision as he grabbed the various folders, a clipboard, and a tablet from your hands. You were still holding on to a tripod and a camera but he freed up one of your hands so you could hold the cup.

"I will have to let you know, that tablet you're holding, is very valuable to the team," you stated, mainly in a joking manner because you knew he wouldn't do anything to it.

"Oh is it now? What's on it?" Charles asked once you resumed walking, this time sipping on your coffee before answering his question. "First, perfect," you hummed, gesturing towards the cup. "Second, it has all the schedules for meetings, interviews, and everything that you or Carlos could possibly need a reminder for during the weekend."

He gasped, almost offended, "I do not need reminders for anything during the weekend, not like Carlos does."

Despite how it may seem, your role didn't entail being a driver's assistant. In fact your job was to manage a few social media accounts and create content that included the drivers as much as possible but every now and then you also helped the company keep the public images of the drivers reputable.

Lately, Carlos had been finding reasons to talk to you, and most of that time would be spent reviewing his schedule multiple times throughout the day.

"He can be a little forgetful sometimes," you commented but Charles shook his head.

"A little? He needed you to remind him what time the race was."

You grimaced, knowing Charles was correct. "Well, you're his teammate so you know him better than I do."

"Yeah, I guess I'll ask him, thanks for the coffee," Charles stated as you two entered a meeting room. There were still fifteen minutes before it started, but you preferred to use that time so you could prepare yourself for all the notetaking it usually required. Since you were still a fairly new employee, you wanted to absorb all the information like a sponge.

Confused, you responded back, "you're the one who got the coffee."

He placed the items he was holding on the table, then noticing the time on his watch, a brief gasp overtaking his expression. "Thanks for the company then, I'll see you later," he playfully winked like he always did before leaving the room.

Moments later, a knock distracts you from reviewing the previous notes and stats from the last meeting. Thinking it was Charles, you ask, "did you forget somet- oh, Carlos."

"Are you busy?" He asks as he leans his forearms on the back of a chair. Shaking your head you respond, "not really, what's up?"

"I forget how crazy the crowds can get outside, so can I stay here for a few minutes?" You smile, "of course you can, come sit." He rolled a chair out and sighed in relief after finally getting off his feet.

Carlos closed his eyes for a moment relishing in the moments of silence in his hectic life. It didn't last long as you hummed a random tune which you usually did while working. It was so faint but since it was completely silent otherwise, Carlos' ears perked up as he heard it.

Instead of looking for the moments of silence he thought he needed earlier to even do a simple task as breathing, Carlos leaned forward with his usual watchful gaze focused on you. "Are you planning on more ways for us to make a fool out of ourselves?" He asked.

You chuckled, "I would never do that." Carlos gave you a look that indicated he didn't believe you.

"The last challenge was planned by you, no?" He countered and when you sheepishly smiled, he knew he was correct.

"You know, Charles is right," you spoke after a few moments of silence.

"How so?" He leaned back, stretching his arms above his head for a moment that almost caused you to lose track of your thoughts. You've gotten better at keeping yourself calm and collected around Carlos lately, but you still took a little moment to appreciate how his muscles flexed in the full sleeved shirt he wore.

"There's a team debrief happening in about five minutes where you're needed, and it's a bit of a walk so I'm wondering if you're gonna reach in time." To confirm your words, he glanced at his watch, raising his eyebrows when he realized you were spot on.

"You know my schedule so well now," he couldn't help but comment, chuckling as he did so.

"Only because you forget it," you retaliated.

"Maybe I do that on purpose," he stood up, once again stretching to the point where the hem of his shirt raised a bit, revealing a sliver of skin that your gaze immediately shifted to. While you might've gotten better, you still needed a bit more practice every now and then. Carlos chuckled when you didn't have a response right away, knowing you were distracted but he didn't feel the need to expose you just yet.

As he pulled his shirt down, your eyes snapped to his, finally coming up with a response "and almost get me fired for making you late?"

He shrugged, "maybe." You knew he would never do such a thing that would jeopardize your job, so you shrugged off his comment.

"Go now, Sainz" you urged, waving your hand to emphasize your point.

"I'm going, I'm going, relax, cariño." You could hear his laugh as he left the room, and you didn't focus on the papers in front of you until his footsteps had faded away.

It was just friendly banter, you reminded yourself even after hearing the nickname he gave you. Sometimes your conversations were borderline flirtatious, but it was still fine. Until it wasn't.

As the year progressed further, you were no longer just an employee with a career in motorsport; you were a member of the team that celebrated each high while consoling and sticking together during the lows.

While your job wasn't directly connected to the race, nor could you help in changing the outcome like the mechanics and engineers could, you helped uplift the mood in the room on multiple occasions.

Which is why when Carlos stood on the top step of the podium, claiming his first place trophy that would eventually become a part of a larger collection, you felt like you won.

The spray of champagne reached the crowd of his team waiting below the podium. A laugh bubbled up your throat as Carlos tried to aim the spill of the drink in the team principal's mouth standing on the floor a few feet away from you.

A proud smile grew on your face as you watched the drivers and a representative from your team that collected the constructors trophy gathered together on the top step to take a photo.

The celebrations continued in the team garage, since both drivers made it on the podium. The energy buzzing through each member was noticeable, knowing that this win would be celebrated until the next. After the team photo was taken, the champagne popped once again.

A few people were able to get away from becoming soaked, others were being targeted. Charles managed to slip away, but Carlos couldn't. He happily accepted the spray, soaking his race suit further after the podium.

His eyes however, darted across the crowd and landed on you. Standing just out of reach of the champagne shenanigans but still close enough to celebrate, Carlos decided to pull you even closer.

Grabbing the bottle from the nearest person, he covered the top and shook it. Releasing his thumb, he let the fizzy drink spray out, directing it at you this time. "Carlos!" You shrieked, but laughing nonetheless.

Once satisfied, he took a sip from the bottle, his gaze fixed on you as yours moved down to his neck, watching his Adam's apple bob while he swallowed. Passing the bottle to you, you moistened your lips before tipping it up and sipping the cool champagne.

His attention was diverted as Charles had found another bottle of champagne, deciding to drench his teammate even further after the celebrations began to die down. You smiled as Carlos tried to run away, dodging the alcohol, but it quickly dropped once he used you as a shield.

"Oh, no, no, no," you held your hand out at Charles who smiled mischievously, stopping in his tracks right in front of you.

"You are a part of the team," he commented, and you almost ignored his words as you felt Carlos' hands rest on your waist from behind, feeling his breath on your neck.

The heat of your thoughts was ruined when Charles decided to rain champagne down on you, cooling you off instantly. "Charles," you groaned, knowing that it would be an excruciatingly long process to wash all the champagne out of your hair, especially if it began to dry soon.

The team began to disperse, rightfully so as everyone wanted to change out of their champagne soaked clothes, you included. Trying to wring out as much liquid as you could, you muttered a curse under your breath. This was the first time you ever experienced a win like today.

Speaking of, the winner of the race was standing off to the side, shirtless. Carlos had removed his fireproof top but still had his race suit zipped down to his waist and placed a cap on his head backwards to keep his hair out of his face.

You parted your lips and watched his back muscles flex as he moved around, then hastily looked away as he turned. You kept wringing your shirt as he moved past you, and despite the fact that there was enough space for him to pass you without touching you, his fingertips brushed over your back, down to your waist. He lingered on your hip for too long, but he didn't say anything, only smiled when you inhaled deeply.

You had returned to your hotel room and immediately rushed towards the shower. The champagne from earlier had dried, creating an unpleasant sensation as a layer of tackiness remained behind. Washing away all the sweat and champagne, you sighed in relief, standing underneath the shower for a few extra minutes to release all the soreness in your muscles.

You still felt the buzzing excitement of the day running through your veins as you dried and dressed yourself, but you were also exhausted, ready to climb into bed and drift away into the safety of your dreams.

That plan was interrupted as you heard a knock on the door. Pulling your shirt over your body, you peeked through the peephole, smiling when you saw him standing on the other side.

"Oh hello, don't tell me you forgot your room number," you greeted Carlos as you opened the door.

Wetting his lips with his tongue, he was transfixed by the sight of your hair, still wet from your shower, dripping down to your shirt beginning to cling to your body.

"I think I did, tell me you don't remember it either," his voice dropped an octave, and his stare was no longer calculating, but rather enticingly seductive.

"And why would I do that?" You almost whispered, knowing the answer but wanting to hear it from him.

He stepped forward, leaning one arm on the doorframe while his gaze glanced over you to briefly look inside the room. "I'm sure yours is big enough for two people."

The corner of your lip turned up at his words, knowing it was just a ploy to let him in. The realization that he desired you just as much as you had grown to want him dawned on you as you stared at him standing in front of you.

Trapping your lip between your teeth for a moment, instantly attracting Carlos' gaze towards them, you nodded.

"Let's check," you stepped back, pulling him inside by the collar of his shirt.

——

Taglist is open!! Lmk if you wanna be added or removed <3

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[navybrat817]

Indulgence

Pairing: Dom!Bucky Barnes x Sub!Female Reader Summary: When Bucky calls, you go to him. Word Count: Over 5.7k Warnings: Explicit sexual content, unprotected vaginal sex, D/s elements, bondage, aftercare, established arrangement, insecurities, pet names, longing, possessive behavior, world building, mix of canon and non-canon, slight feels (it's me, okay?), Bucky Barnes (he's a warning, okay?). A/N: I'm very excited for this new AU, lovelies! There's a deep bond between these two, but we know the road to love isn't always easy. ❤️Beta read by the amazing @whisperlullaby, but any and all mistakes are my own. And thanks to @targaryenvampireslayer for listening to me ramble about this part. Divider by the talented @firefly-graphics. Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!

You had only been asleep for an hour when your phone went off, your eyes barely open as you reached for the device and saw the familiar name appear. “Bucky?” You answered drowsily.

“Hey, angel,” he said roughly, the pet name bringing a sleepy smile to your face. It sounded like he hadn't gotten much sleep either. “I’m sorry I woke you up.”

“It’s okay. I have tomorrow off,” you said, a bit more alert as you sat up. “Are you at your apartment?”

“Yeah, I got back a bit ago,” he replied, swearing under his breath. “It’s really late. I just…”

“Need me,” you finished for him, stretching your back as you stood up. If he wanted to tell you he made it home safely from his latest assignment, he would've sent you a text. You knew by now that a call meant he had to see you in person. “Give me a few minutes?”

“You sure? I understand if you’d rather go back to bed.”

“I’m not going to get any sleep until I know you will, too,” you said. It would drive you crazy. “I want to come over. Okay?”

You wondered if the call dropped since you didn't hear anything on the other end. “Okay. I’ll send a car,” he said. He never let you pay for a ride yourself. “Thank you,” he added so softly you almost missed it.

“You don't need to thank me,” you assured him, though you appreciated hearing it. “I’ll see you soon.”

“I’ll be waiting,” he promised, your heart skipping a beat before he hung up.

You brushed your teeth again before you changed out of your pajamas. The outfit didn't exactly matter. If it had, he would’ve told you what you wear. It wouldn't stay on long anyway. You sensed that this was a night for him to simply blow off some steam or release anything still pent up from his assignment.

You were more than happy to help.

“On my way.” You messaged him a few minutes later as you went out to the car.

You politely greeted the driver before gazing out the window. If anyone had told you months ago that you’d be sleeping with the former Winter Soldier, you would’ve laughed at them for saying something so crazy. You never expected to meet the man, let alone connect with him. That was your life now though. You were sleeping with Bucky Barnes.

But it wasn't that cut and dry.

“I’ll be outside.” He sent back.

You smiled to yourself as you thought about Bucky, the man searching for himself again. After years of enduring horrific pain and having no control over his actions, he felt lost once he was free. In his eyes, he would never be able to right all the wrongs of the atrocities he was forced to commit, but making amends for his past was a start. It wasn't enough though to heal the cracks from within. It couldn't stop him from plunging into the deep abyss of his mind where it once felt whole.

He had to find a way to feel semi-normal again. He needed to do something good for someone else outside of his heroic duties. And he had to do so in an environment where he could express himself openly, honestly, and authentically with a person he could trust.

That was where you came into the picture.

If Bucky called, no matter what time of day and you were available, you went to his place in a car he paid for. You stayed until you were both satisfied. A more crude way to think of it was that you helped him fuck out his frustrations and gave him a means to inflict pleasure on someone instead of hurt. It was a routine you were used to by now.

“You wanna be my angel?”

You may be his angel, but you weren't his girlfriend. He wasn't in a place to have a typical relationship. You weren't just a fuck buddy either. You were his submissive of sorts, along with his confidant and a way for him to find release and some sense of normalcy.

While he sometimes fucked you like a whore, he never once treated you like one. He cared for your well-being and checked in on you the way a boyfriend would. He kept his place stocked with your favorite snacks. You didn't sleep with anyone else and neither did he. You looked out for each other.

Unlike your last boyfriend.

As far as arrangements went, you could do much worse. There were rules set in place. Bucky was honest about his needs and helped you heal your wounds from the failure of your previous relationship. But the more time you spent with him, the more you wanted to be with him.

Was it a recipe for disaster?

The drive seemed faster than usual because before you knew it the car stopped in front of Bucky’s apartment building. Your pulse quickened when you saw the brunette standing by the door, donned in his usual leather jacket. Even from a short distance, he looked massive and heat bloomed in your core as you knew what was to come. He moved to the curb with more grace than a man his size should have, his hard blue eyes set on you through the glass before he opened the door.

His gaze practically set your heart on fire and it went full ablaze when he tenderly smiled. He was stunningly beautiful even in the dark of night. It almost hurt to look back at him.

You had it bad.

“Hey,” he said, offering you his gloved hand to help you out. You hardly ever saw him out without his vibranium hand covered. “It’s good to see you.”

“Hey,” you smiled softly, giving the driver a quick thanks before you got out. “You, too.”

Bucky's large hand moved to the small of your back as he gently led you toward the building and opened the door. He didn't like to linger outside for too long. Neither of you spoke as he guided you to his apartment on the first floor and you didn't push him to make small talk. It was a delicate arrangement and some nights didn't call for filler.

Still, you tried to get a read on his emotions. There was a stiffness to his stance, but he didn't appear upset or angry. You also didn’t spot any obvious injuries.

“Were you hurt?” You asked as he took his keys out. He was only gone for a couple of days, but you knew how dangerous the missions were.

He turned and stared at you, not at all surprised by your question since you always asked. “No, I didn’t get hurt,” he assured you, reaching up to scratch at the stubble on his chin. “But I can't exactly talk about it either. I’m sorry.”

You nodded in understanding. It was information you weren't privy to and you doubted he called tonight to talk about it anyway. He peeled back layers of himself, yet there was so much underneath that you didn't know about. You cared for him regardless.

“Bucky, you don't have to apologize for that,” you reminded him.

“I just feel bad. You can tell me about your work, but I can't always talk about mine,” he said, looking both ways before he poked his head into his apartment.

“My job isn’t as ‘exciting’ as yours,” you teased before he let you in.

Bucky had a nice place. The partially exposed brick walls paired well with the hardwood floors. Tasteful, but not extravagant. The thick curtains in the living room matched the drapes in his bedroom. Since he occasionally slept on the floor by the oversized chair, it helped to block out the sun. He didn't have much as far as decor, but he did have a piece of art that his best friend, Steve, drew hung up in the hall.

He also had a bowl that you made on the console to hold his keys, which he promptly set them in.

It meant something that he even let you into his apartment when others close to him had never been invited.

“Need anything to drink?” He asked, slipping his jacket and glove off.

He had an empty glass waiting on the kitchen island in case you did. While you indulged in a drink now and then, he wouldn't allow you to have too many. He refused to have sex with you if you were inebriated. Said it took consent away and you wouldn't be alert enough to use a safeword if necessary.

He wouldn't budge on that rule.

“No, thanks,” you answered, gazing at him.

His T-shirt strained against his biceps, one flesh and one vibranium. You could still smell his cologne from the small distance across the room, amber and cedarwood. Warm, comforting, dominating. All the things he was to you.

Not the monster he sometimes believed himself to be.

You eyed him as he poured himself a shot of whiskey, the need to soothe him coming forward when you caught a distant look in his eyes. He didn't even make a move to down his drink as he set his hands on the counter and stared off. Maybe he couldn't give you the details about what happened, but you could take care of him.

Because as much as he sometimes had to have control over you, both of you had power in your relationship.

“Bucky?” You gently called out, pulling him from his trance. “You can talk to me, even if you have to keep some things to yourself.”

His shoulders dropped as he sighed. “Three months.”

“I'm sorry?”

“Three months since we started this,” he answered.

You realized he was right when you remembered the date. It felt longer yet still brand new. “Yeah. Three great months,” you smiled.

A knot formed in your stomach when he didn't smile back. “And you still feel safe with me?” He asked, gripping the counter so hard you thought it might crumble in his hands. “You really trust that I won’t hurt you?”

Your smile slipped, the questions like a punch to the gut as you walked toward him. You stopped a foot in front of him to give him some breathing room as he made eye contact. Where had that come from? What happened to make him question that?

“Of course, I feel safe. Not only do I feel safe with you and trust you, I know that you won't hurt me. You will always take care of me,” you said with fierce determination, yet with a vulnerability you couldn't hide. “If I didn't believe that, I wouldn’t be here and I wouldn’t submit to you.”

You told him the same thing the day you two agreed on this arrangement. He wasn't your boyfriend, but he wasn't like your ex. He wouldn't just throw you away without a second thought or ignore your needs. You also had faith in him that he wouldn't harm you.

And as much as you trusted him, he trusted you that much more. If he didn't, he wouldn't have called you in the first place. That meant he still trusted himself around you.

He looked away and asked above a whisper, “Do you still think I'm a good man?”

“Yes,” you replied without hesitation, your heart aching when his jaw clenched. “Bucky, look at me, please.”

He slowly made eye contact with you, a storm swirling in his stare.

“You are a good man,” you stated, needing to reach the part of him that believed it. “And it doesn't matter how many times you ask me that, my answer isn't going to change. Ever.”

Bucky was silent, his breathing the only sound in the space. You were worried that you said the wrong thing before he pushed himself away from the counter. Instead of moving back when he approached, you stood firm, ready to brace the storm. You sometimes felt like a mouse confronted by a lion when he got close, but it sent a thrill through you. Because you meant what you said.

You trusted him and he made you feel safe.

“I just had to hear you say it,” he whispered as he cupped your face.

A fire lit within you as Bucky captured your mouth with his. There was care and tenderness beneath the hunger and you found yourself clinging to his arms as you kissed him back. No one before him had ever kissed you with such desire, such passion. It had you chasing his lips when he pulled away too soon.

“Now go to my room, get undressed, and kneel on the bed facing the headboard,” he ordered, his voice low and allowing the words to sink in just in case you had any objections. Because he was done talking and ready to play.

So were you.

It took you a moment to answer since you had to bite back a whine. “Yes, Sir,” you whispered, feeling his eyes on you as you walked to his bedroom.

You focused on keeping your breathing even as you shed your clothes, taking a moment to fold them before you set them on the chair in the corner. The only time you left your garments on the floor was if Bucky put them there or had you put on a show for him. It was his space and you respected it.

He hadn't told you how long to wait for him, but your heart thumped as you knelt on the queen sized bed. You didn’t see any toys as you glanced around, but there was water, snacks, wipes, and the soft blanket you loved waiting on the nightstand. It took a moment for you to spot that there was a blindfold and scarf on top of the blanket. Your womb clenched in anticipation, an exquisite feeling knowing your patience and obedience would reward you.

Bucky walked through the door a minute later and shut it behind him. The energy shifted completely, both of you ready for each other. As much as you wanted to lift your gaze and look behind you, you kept your eyes downcast as he approached the bed. He cupped your cheek once he was close enough and forced your eyes to meet his.

“My beautiful angel,” he whispered, brushing his thumb along your skin as you glowed from the praise. He reached for the scarf and ran his fingers across the silk as he glanced at you. “As much as I hate to cover those beautiful eyes of yours and restrain you, I want you to concentrate on my touch tonight. Just let me have you.”

A shiver rolled down your spine as you nodded. “Yes, Sir.”

“Hands behind your back,” he said, moving to secure them once you did so. The silk was soft against your skin, almost as soft as the kiss to your shoulder. After years of being restrained, you knew he felt guilty at times taking your control away. The difference was you gave yourself to him willingly. “Tell me your safewords.”

“Green is good. Yellow to pause,” you stated, testing the scarf. He never bound you too tight, but it was enough that you couldn’t slip your wrists free. “Red to stop."

“Good girl,” he praised, pressing a kiss to the corner of your mouth. You turned your head a fraction so he could slot his lips properly over yours. Gentle, yet hot enough to melt your insides. “My good girl.”

He maneuvered you so you were in the middle of the bed and spread your knees a bit further apart. He joined you on his knees, still fully clothed. Casting your gaze down again, you bit your lip when you saw the prominent bulge in his pants. A hand came up to grasp your chin before you could stare for too long and lifted your head. If you were still wearing your panties, they would’ve dampened from his darkened gaze.

“So beautiful and all mine tonight,” he said.

“I’m yours, Sir,” you whispered, the word “always” unspoken.

“And I know you were staring,” he smirked, his fingers working the button and zipper of his jeans. His impressive cock sprang free once he pushed his underwear and pants down far enough and you wished you could lean down and swirl your tongue around the large head. “Greedy angel. Just desperate to have my cock in you.”

“Yes, Sir. Please,” you begged.

He made a show of lifting the blindfold before he slipped it over your head, your body tensing up when your world went dark. Sight was one of the senses you relied on the most. It helped you absorb most of the world around you. And now it was temporarily gone. It felt like your heart would burst from your chest as you breathed a bit heavier. But Bucky was there, softly touching your face until you relaxed.

“Breathe, angel. I’ve got you,” he whispered, drawing a gasp from you when his lips touched yours. His hands mapped your body, brushing along your breasts down to your thighs. You felt him everywhere. “Color?”

“Green,” you whispered as a hand moved around your back and forced you to arch. He was careful not to hurt your arms. “Please.”

Your head fell back with a moan as his lips closed around your nipple. You could practically feel that he looked up at you as he gently suckled. A wave of arousal crashed through you as he pinched the other. No one had ever lavished your body with such attention the way Bucky did.

“I love seeing you like this,” he murmured against the swell of your breast. “Helpless. Trembling. Needy.”

You didn't mean to let such a wanton moan escape, but he made you feel needed. He made you feel wanted. It was a beautiful thing to surrender to him.

“And I love that I'm the one you trust to take care of you.”

“I trust you with my life, Sir,” you moaned.

And your heart, even though he had the power to break it.

Your chest suddenly felt colder when Bucky pulled his mouth and hand away and you shook from the loss of his heat. His vibranium hand touched your torso to remind you he was close when he shifted closer to you on the bed. You gasped when he dragged his hand down and you were helpless to do anything but feel when it slid between your legs.

“You're doing so well for me,” he said, his teeth grazing your neck as his fingers spread your sopping folds. He teased you, letting you soak his metal fingers as you mewled. He lightly bit you again when he replaced his fingers with his cock, sliding along your slit, but not pushing inside you just yet. “You want me inside you? You need me to fuck you, don't you? Tell me.”

Your cheeks flamed as you whined. “I need you to fuck me, Sir,” you said, trying to widen your thighs to take him in more.

“I will. I'm going to give you everything you need,” he rumbled, gripping your hips with strong and capable hands to keep you still. “And you’re going to let me ruin your pretty little pussy with my cock.”

You panted with want at his possessiveness. Filthy words were something you never thought you’d hear from someone associated with The Avengers and they kicked your body into overdrive. You ached to have him split you open. “Ruin me, Sir.”

In one swift move he lifted you, pulled you into his lap, and buried himself to the hilt. Your mouth fell open as you let out a cry, every inch of his cock stretching and making itself at home in your welcoming cunt. You couldn't brace yourself on his shoulders with your hands behind your back. You couldn't see the ecstasy in his eyes as he let you adjust to his size, but you didn't have to. Not with the way he dug his fingers in and groaned against your shoulder.

He took you to heaven when he was inside you.

“Color,” he said against your skin, thrusting his hips up once.

“Green,” you moaned, reminding yourself to stay still when you wanted him to move. “So green.”

“Good girl,” he whispered, gently kissing up to your ear. “Keep being good while I bounce you up and down on my cock.”

Your eyes fluttered behind the blindfold as he pulled you up and slammed you back down on his cock. Your tongue felt heavy in your mouth and your heart beat frantically in your chest. It was difficult to string thoughts together, but they all went back to him and how good he made you feel. How he made you feel beautiful.

Flaws and all.

“It’s like your cunt was made for me, angel. Practically crying all over my cock,” his voice was smoky as sounds of pleasure tumbling from your lips. The next moan was softer when he slid a hand up to your neck, resting it there as the other kept your hips flush against his. “You deserve to feel good because you are good. So fucking good.”

Your lower lip trembled as a sob worked its way to your throat, “Thank you, Sir,” you whimpered before he squeezed.

“And I. Deserve. You.” He punctuated each word with a deep thrust. You didn’t have to see his face to know the fury that surfaced. “My angel. Mine.”

It overwhelmed you as he bounced you in his lap, sinking you down onto him again and again. His thrusts were almost unforgiving, but the hand on your throat didn’t tighten anymore. He couldn’t hurt you. He wouldn’t hurt you.

“I’m your angel, Sir,” you moaned as he reduced you to a needy wet mess.

“I wanna tear you apart,” he growled against your lips. “And put you back together so you still feel me when you fucking breathe.”

“Tear me apart, Sir,” you gasped, a plea for him to use you more. Your thighs hit his as he thrust up and all you could do was take it. He touched places inside you no one else could reach, physically and emotionally, and you never wanted it to stop. “Please!”

“Tell me you need me to come inside you and I’ll let you come,” he ordered, the hand on your neck squeezing a fraction. “Say it.”

“Come inside me, Sir,” you begged.

“Bucky,” he breathed against your lips. “Say. My. Name.”

Your next breath was shaky. He always had you call him “Sir” on nights like this. Why was this different?

Your orgasm began to crest, but you couldn’t let go until you gave him what he wanted. And he’d give you what you needed. “Come inside me, Bucky,” you exhaled. “Please.”

He swiped his thumb along your pulse with a deep groan, his cock still driving up into you. “I will after you come,” he promised, his tongue sliding past your parted lips and pulling away all too quickly. “C’mon, angel. Come for me. Show me you’re mine.”

The sob you tampered down earlier resuraced, wrenched from your throat as you came. Your release continued, practically leaking around his cock as tears slid out beneath the blindfold. You were beyond rational thought as pleasure spiraled through you, vaguely aware that he thrust through it to chase his own end.

“Good. Fucking. Girl.” He grunted, pulsing hotly inside you as he filled you up.

Both of you panted as you continued to drift from euphoria, your heart still beating wildly. You were warm, but your body shivered as he lifted you up. Your combined release slid from your aching cunt once he slipped free. You floated and wanted him to catch you, but you couldn’t put your arms around him.

“I’ve got you,” he whispered when you let out a whimper. He made quick work of untying your wrists so he could lay you down properly and wipe away the tears still on your cheeks. “I’m going to take the blindfold off.”

Your eyes stayed shut for a moment when Bucky removed it, but you cracked them open when you wanted to see him. Your vision slowly cleared as you blinked a few times, your mind still floating as he came into view. He called you an angel, but he was the one who had a halo around his head at the moment. A gorgeous angel who had unrightfully had his wings taken away. He smiled like he wanted to eat you alive, but his touch was nothing short of tender when he brought his hand to your face.

“So fucking beautiful. You did so well for me. Fuck, I just wanna clean you with my tongue and fill you up all over again,” he praised as you clenched around nothing and whined. As hot as it sounded, you needed a bit of rest after that. “Not tonight,” he smiled, keeping a hand on you as he grabbed a wipe.

A reason he had everything close by was because you craved his touch after sex. If he ever got too far away, you whimpered and reached for him. It made you feel needy, but he assured you that he needed to keep touching you just as badly.

It just wasn’t fair that he looked so composed.

Bucky continued to shower you with soft praise as he cleaned you up. It didn’t take him long before he wrapped the soft blanket around you, trembles moved through your entire body as he put his arms around you, too. He took aftercare very seriously. It was a way for you to feel cared for and nurtured while allowing your body and brain to return back to normal. He never wanted you to experience negativity or sadness after any sort of session, especially an intense one.

You were aware that he moved you closer in his arms and rested his cheek against the top of your head, but you weren't ready to speak yet. It always took you a minute to come back to yourself and he was never one to rush or push you. If relaxing in his embrace was what it took to return to the world, he was more than content to keep you in his arms.

At least, that was what he told you.

You opened your eyes after a few minutes. Your heartbeat was back to a steady rhythm, but you still weren't ready to move yet. You were warm and safe. Bucky was there to take care of you. But what about him?

Had you taken care of him?

Bucky had a faint smile on his face when you lifted your head, his shoulders relaxed and eyes soft. Like he was at ease with everything around him. “Welcome back, angel,” he whispered, peppering your face with light kisses.

“Hey,” you smiled tiredly, your voice a little hoarse as you brought a hand to his hair, happy that you could touch him again. Judging by the way his eyes slipped shut for a moment before he opened them, he missed your touch, too.

“You okay?”

“I am and so are you. You're okay.” It wasn't a question. Whatever haunted him earlier was gone.

For now.

He didn't tear his gaze away as he reached for the water behind him, which you gratefully accepted as he put it to your lips. “You amaze me, you know? You just came back to yourself, but you're talking about me being okay.”

“Isn’t that why you call me?” You asked with a small frown, taking another large sip. “To help you?”

His brows furrowed. “It’s not just about me. This is about you, too.”

You took one more drink before you could say something stupid. Yes, this was about you, too. How he didn't push too far. How he’d hold you after sex and talk with you because those things were important to you. How he made you feel cherished and wanted for a short while.

You just didn't want to admit that he was a constant in your mind. But would it be so wrong if you did? Even if he’d never date you, didn't he have a right to know how you felt?

Communication was key and you would have to eventually tell him if those feelings persisted.

“It’s about both of us and I just want you to be okay,” is what you said because it was the truth.

He set the water aside and cupped your cheek, his calloused hand a little cool, but nice. You almost wished you could hide from his knowing eyes, but he didn’t press you for more. “I am now,” he said, swallowing a little. “I just couldn't let you see me tonight.”

Worry filled his eyes like he may have upset you, but you shook your head. You had seen his scars, but he was never obligated to show you his body. “You're letting me see you now,” you said, scooting closer as he brought your wrist to his mouth to kiss it.

You thought about how the evening played out. How he asked if you thought he was a good man. How he demanded that you speak his name. And how he said he deserved you. Either something happened while he was gone or someone said or did something to get to him. You wished you knew what it was since he didn’t expand on what had been eating away at him before.

“And before you ask, you didn't hurt me,” you told him, knowing the question was coming. You appreciated that he cared enough to check.

He pressed a kiss to your temple. “Good because I’d never stop hating myself if I did,” he admitted, looking at the ceiling for a moment. “You don't deserve that kind of pain.”

Your heart swelled, not letting any past hurt enter your mind. He made you believe that you deserved better than what you had. It was a good feeling.

“Neither do you. And that's a reason why safewords exist. Both of us can use them,” you reminded him. Like aftercare, he took the words seriously. He listened to you. And if he ever got overwhelmed, he had every right to stop it the same way you did. “So no self-hate tonight.”

He huffed in mock annoyance. “Yes, ma’am. And speaking of self-hate,” he teased, tilting his head to look your way. “I really don’t want to go to therapy tomorrow.”

There was a forced calmness in his blue eyes as you assessed him. “You still don’t like your therapist,” you stated.

One of the conditions of his pardon was that he had to go to therapy. It was meant to help him process his thoughts and past experiences in order to work through them. Though he didn’t tell you what went on in his sessions as it was none of your business, he didn’t keep it a secret from you that the doctor was far from his favorite person.

You wondered if Bucky told her about you.

“What’s there to like?” He asked.

You smiled a little, knowing better than to poke the bear and say she probably wasn't that bad. “Well, being able to speak to someone who provides non-judgemental and empathetic support is one thing.”

“That’s why I like talking to you,” he said, the affection in his voice making your heart skip a beat.

“Oh,” you said, not sure what else to say.

Moments like that made you think he cared. No, that wasn’t right. You knew he cared about you. But hearing things like that made you feel like there was hope for more and he wasn’t ready for that.

Hope was both a wonderful and dangerous thing.

“Have you met anyone else?” He asked suddenly, moving his hand to your back.

It was a question Bucky asked every time he had you over. He said from the start if there was another man in your life that you’d rather be with, someone who could offer you more, he’d step aside. There wasn't anyone else. You didn't want anyone else.

And while it was admirable that he would walk away if that ever changed, your heart ached at the thought that he’d easily let you go. Because at the end of the day he wasn't ready for a relationship. Not yet.

Even if he was, who said he wanted one with you?

“No, I haven't met anyone,” you said, feeling the warm breath of his exhale against your skin as his hand moved up and down your back. It relaxed you more and you found yourself fighting a yawn. “Have you?”

“No,” he chuckled. The crinkles by his eyes made him look carefree. “Not since you saved me.”

You shut your eyes, afraid that tears would well up if you looked at him. “I didn't save you. All I did was buy you a coffee one afternoon,” you whispered dismissively.

That day changed your life.

“I’m going to let that slide since you're sleepy, but I’m going to remind you when you're wide awake that you did a lot more than that,” he spoke. He held you a little tighter when you stayed quiet. You were more tired than you thought. “Get some sleep, angel. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

You let your eyes shut at his command. “Thank you for taking care of me, Bucky.”

“Thank you for taking a chance on me.”

There was something else unspoken in the air, but a tender kiss to your forehead stopped you from reading too deeply into it.

In the morning, he’d send you back to your place after he made you breakfast. He’d text you later to make sure you were okay. He would continue to check in and you would do your best not to fall for him more. Because one day he wouldn't need you anymore. You didn't know when that day would come, but tonight you could indulge in the fantasy that Bucky wanted you to be his girl.

Permanently.

I just want these two happy and together. Love and thanks for reading! ❤️

Masterlist ⚓ Bucky Barnes Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi

[azrielbrainrot]

I Laugh Like Me Again... She Laughs Like You - Part 2

Pairing: Azriel x Reader

Description: You're back home right when Azriel was starting to lose all hope, but is the person standing in front of him the same who disappeared all those years ago?

Warnings: Angst, mentions of blood, injury

Word Count: 6670

Notes: The original plan wasn't to write more of this story but I had a few ideas of where to take this and decided to turn it into a mini series, don't think it will be longer than 3-4 chapters. Also I don't know if the HoW has cells in the books but it does here and they're normal, not dungeon-y like, and the story is set after acosf but Amren never got turned into fae because I like her better like this. A lot of people liked the first part so I really hope this one doesn't disappoint. I hope you enjoy!

Part 1 ○ Part 3

Azriel was at the townhouse before he even fully realized what was happening. Didn't even give anyone an explanation, simply letting his shadows take him, barely hearing the questioning cries of his name. He didn't need to hear anything else aside from your name to know that's where he should be, his body moved before he even had time to formulate the thought.

Your sweet scent invaded his brain before he even arrived at the house. He'd be able to recognize it anywhere, he'd longed for it for so long after all. Every day when he opened his eyes, he hoped he would wake up to your scent floating around this house as it once did, as it did right now. He's not one to go into anything blindly, to run head first and only think about the consequences later, but this felt like his last chance. The loneliness that had settled deep in his soul had been replaced with hope with one word.

His shadows move to different corners of the room as soon as he's dropped off, leaving him uncharacteristically naked, unguarded. Even the shadows that would form naturally from the faint glow of the moon seemed to move off his face. They wanted him to enjoy this moment in full, this was his and only his.

In truth he barely noticed them leave, too preoccupied with the figure in front of him. He wouldn't have believed it if he wasn't witnessing it with his own eyes. How many times had he been haunted by this exact vision in his dreams? There you were standing in the sitting room, shining like a goddess under the moonlight filtering through the windows. You hadn't changed since the last time he saw you, only had gotten even more mesmerizing if anything.

Your hair was a bit shorter than you usually wore it, the tight pants a contrast to the usual short skirts you preferred. Then there was a scar running across your neck, even with the distance and darkness in the room he could tell it ran from ear to ear. It was a painful reminder of what you've been through, of the night he couldn't protect you. But it meant this was real. You were actually standing in front of him. This was something he had dreamed of many times, almost every night since you've been gone.

He calls your name and it feels amazing. Just the sound of your name leaving his lips, not in mourning or wistfulness but as a greeting, is enough to bring a face splitting grin to his face. Gods, he missed saying your name without almost feeling suffocated by the weight that formed in his chest.

You startle at the sound, seemingly not expecting company at the house. He has no time to study the strange expression on your face though, he needs to touch you first, to feel your skin against his, your warmth against his body, your heart beating behind your ribcage. He needs to make sure this is real and not some cruel dream or hallucination his mind thought up to torment him. He needs you to be really back.

As soon as your eyes meet his form, he clears the distance between you in two hurried steps, but, before he can hug you, he feels your hand reach out to him. He doesn't even have time to realize you're reaching towards his thigh, to Truth Teller. He doesn't know if it was confusion holding him back, the strangeness of the whole act or if he's simply willing to take anything as long as it comes from you, but he makes no movement to stop you from grabbing his knife, allowing you to pierce it through his stomach, never so much as looking away from your beautiful face or even flinching at the blade.

He can feel every inch of the dagger inside him, can feel the blood quickly seeping through his shirt. Still, the pain in his gut can't hold a candle to the relief and joy running through his veins. You're real. The knife went through, so you have to be real. He can clearly hear your heartbeat now as well, it sounds strong aside from how fast it's going.

Azriel reaches a hand out to you again, slower as not to startle you. He can't help the fluttering of his own heart as you finally let him make contact with the softness of your skin. You haven't moved your hands from the knife, your wide eyes staring at your now blood covered hands. He caresses your cheek lovingly and tilts your face up so he can meet your eyes at last.

He can tell something is wrong, as if it hadn't been glaringly obvious by his favorite knife currently stuck in his stomach. Your eyes seem unfocused, a bit panicked, maybe even angry. But he can't bring himself to care in this moment.

He doesn't know if this is your revenge for letting you die, for not finding you, or even if this is what you had wanted out of him from the start, maybe your whole relationship had been a lie. It doesn't matter. He'll gladly die at your hands if that's the fate you chose for him. At least he'd spend his last moments with you, a privilege he didn't think he would have the pleasure of experiencing.

His heart threatens to stop altogether when your eyes meet, it feels like time stopped around him. “You're home, my love,” he breathes out, letting out a soft disbelieving chuckle, “You're finally home.” He raises his other hand to your face, caressing both your cheeks with his scarred thumbs, he almost forgot how soft your skin felt against his rough hands. He's been clutching at faint memories for decades.

His smile falters when his thumb moves down, stroking down your jaw to the column of your throat, where a scar runs across your neck. He watches his thumb following the clean line, his scars had always been awful reminders of what was done to him, it ate at him even five centuries later, but seeing yours hurt even more. You should have never known this kind of pain.

“What?” Your voice was barely a whisper, confusion and fear holding it hostage. He looks back up into your eyes, seeing the same emotions swim in your gaze even more heightened. He didn't like that, you would never have any reason to be scared of him. He goes to tell you as much when he feels power surging into the room.

“Azriel?” Cassian's voice cuts through the moment and he has to close his eyes to keep himself calm. He wanted more time with you, wanted to talk to you before they got here, before they saw the blood but had gotten too distracted. His mind wasn't working properly, his thoughts were all over the place, he wanted nothing more than to hug you but was too aware of how strangely you were acting. He couldn't keep you and his family in check, not with every instinct inside him screaming to just pick you up and winnow you to the other side of the world.

He calls his shadows to him, a desperate attempt at hiding his injury. He knows it's in vain when he feels Rhys let go of the damper on his power, letting the suffocating night fill up the room. You look positively terrified now, he can even smell it mixing in your sweet scent. Letting go of your face, an act that takes more effort than he could imagine, he turns around slowly, trying to be mindful of keeping you covered, protected from his family.

Your hands don't stop holding onto the dagger, as he moves away from you, the force of it is enough to pull it out of his stomach and let the blood run free with no resistance. The pain was getting worse, it didn't look like you hit any vital organs but his healing wasn't fast enough to keep it at bay on its own.

Feyre is the first to move towards him when she sees the blood, but he simply holds up a hand, effectively stopping her in her tracks. Trying to keep a leveled head was proving to be a near impossible task as he saw the anger in everyone's faces, it was directed at you. He holds onto his abdomen, the pain was making itself known.

Seeing Azriel stop his mate from approaching, Rhys walks closer to the shadowsinger himself. His face was a mix of regret and fury as he spoke up. “What happened here, Azriel?” If his mind was in the right place he would have noticed the restraint his brother was showing at seeing him bleeding out in his house, restraint only present because of his own feelings towards you. Unfortunately, Azriel's instincts were winning against logic.

He hears you finally drop Truth Teller behind him, your body must have started listening to you when Rhysand got too close, recognizing him as a threat. He makes the mistake of looking back at the knife, not hearing the snarl that curls his brother's lips in time. Rhys winnows behind him in that moment and you had gotten too close to the window for him to reach you.

“Don't touch her,” he warns Rhys viciously. He doesn't want to think what he was capable of if anyone hurt you again, even if it was his own brother.

He sees you fall to the floor before he registers what happened. His heart almost leaps out of his throat, letting out an anguished cry of your name as he runs to you, pushing his brother out of the way and holding you up from the ground. Searching for a pulse frantically, he finds you were only unconscious. A breath of relief escapes him as he pushes your hair out of your face, it almost brings tears to his eyes. You will be fine. Rhys had only entered your mind to keep you asleep and stop you from escaping. You will wake up. You will not leave him again.

He hugs you closer to him, too focused on making sure you were alright and keeping his breathing leveled to hear what they were saying behind him. He felt as helpless as when he was still a child being subjected to his father's cruelty. It takes him a while before he finally calms himself down enough to hear the argument behind him.

“Let's talk to him first,” Cassian says, the emotion clear in his voice.

“He put up a shield around them,” Rhys was sounding less like a High Lord by the word, “He's not in his right mind.” A shield? He checks the air around them to find that his brother was right, there was a shield around them both, even his shadows had moved to cover them, separating them from the world.

“Neither are any of you,” Nesta's voice cuts through everyone, finally silencing them.

“We already called for Madja,” Feyre uses the silence that settled to speak, “We can get him treated and hold her somewhere until she wakes up.”

“No,” he drops you gently on the ground, letting his shadows cover you, protect you, before turning to face his family.

Feyre hesitates before continuing, seeing something on his face that makes her choose a different approach. He never mentioned being married to her but your name had been brought up before, he knew Rhys had filled her in on what happened, still she couldn't understand what he was feeling. Even he couldn't.

“The cells under the House of Wind are safe. It's just for-”

“You will not put my wife in a cell,” the words came out clipped, slipping through clenched teeth, the shadowsinger was barely holding on to a sense of restraint against his High Lady.

“She stabbed you,” Rhys yells, looking down at the wound in his brother's torso, thankfully already starting to heal, “it doesn't matter that she used to be your wife.” The growl Azriel lets out at his brother is nothing short of vicious, a feral and lethal thing rising straight from the center of his being.

“She is still my wife,” Azriel says behind a snarl, “And you will not hurt her.” Even if it was in the clean cells of the House of Wind, he could never bear to see you caged. He was ready to go to any lengths necessary to make sure of that. If helping you escape the Night Court was what it took he knew of a few ways not to get caught.

He could see Rhys' shoulders tense up, his own face morphing to match Azriel's fury. He didn't know if his mental shields were down or if his intentions were just uncharacteristically clear on his face but he was sure that his brother knew what Azriel - his spymaster - was thinking.

“She can stay in one of the rooms up in the House,” Cassian offers quickly, trying to settle the rising tension between his brothers, “She can't winnow out because of the wards and we can watch her until she wakes up.” Deep down he knows they don't want to hurt you either, that they're only worried but it's difficult to pay attention to the voice of reason within him during this whole situation. His greatest wish had just been answered. So why does everything seem to be falling apart with it?

Mor winnows in with Madja before he can give them a response which is a good thing because anything he could come up with would probably only put you and him in a more precarious situation. There were too many emotions warring inside him, the same going around almost everyone in the room if only more intense. The healer's presence seems to dissipate most of the tension automatically as Rhys even turns to look out the window and allows his mate to hold onto his hand, probably telling him soothing words in his mind.

Madja moves to Azriel with no hesitation, only stopping briefly when she senses the shield. She merely gives him a look before he drops it so she can reach him. He knows she wouldn't hurt you, knows he needs the wound in his stomach taken care of so he can focus on you, think about what to do when you wake up.

“You need to sit down so I can treat you,” she tells him while inspecting the wound.

“I will not leave her.”

“You can trust her with us, Az,” Mor tries to reassure him, but with the way the last minutes have played out he wasn't trusting you with them, or anyone else for that matter. He'd just gotten you back, no way is he letting you out of his sight for a second, he could bleed out for all he cares.

Suddenly, he sees Nesta walk to the table and grab a chair through his peripheral. She appears to be mumbling something to herself but he can't quite hear her to understand. She walks to him and drops the chair in her hands on his right, before giving him a narrow eyed look and returning to her mate's side.

He's not sure how much she knows of the situation. The three sisters probably all know by now that he used to be married but none of them has mentioned you to him, warned by whoever told them of the consequences of doing it.

He sits on the chair and lets Madja work on him. The wound wasn't too bad, even if he didn't have access to a healer it would close in a short time. You stabbed it cleanly through, just like he'd taught you. If he hadn't been the practice dummy he might praise you for it. By the Mother, he thinks he still might. He wonders if you'll grace him with a bright smile and flushed cheeks for it like you used to.

Azriel looks over to your sleeping form under the moonlight. He's calming down enough that he's starting to feel the uncertainty bubbling inside him. Truth Teller still laid on the floor beside you, covered in his blood just as your hands were.

“Is she…” What did he want to ask? Is it really her? How did she survive? There was so much blood on the ground that night. He didn't need to be a healer to know it was too much for someone to survive with no immediate help and an absurd amount of luck. “Is it really her?” He whispered the question, not bearing to look away from you as he does.

“You know that better than me,” the healer answers calmly. He can sense some emotion in her voice. You had asked her to make tonics to help him sleep and relax many times, to teach you basic healing and how to put on bandages to help him when he was too stubborn and not gravely injured enough to go see the healer. She probably missed you as well. “She's healthy.”

He feels a rush of relief at the words. You're healthy. The confirmation allows him to relax further. Finally looking away from you to see part of his family still watching the scene before them. He knows they too were thinking about the blood, the sleepless nights they spent searching for any sign of you. His eyes meet Rhys' briefly, knowing they'll need to talk about what happened.

He closes his eyes and leans his head back, letting out a soft sigh. You're back. He never thought he'd see you again but you're right here next to him. You're not a dream or a hallucination. You're healthy. The thought almost brings a smile to his lips despite the situation. Anything else can be dealt with now that you're by his side again.

“Are you sure you don't need to rest, Az?” He looks up from the familiar ring, still twisting it around his finger. It felt right putting it back on, he was almost giddy at the sight of the silver in his finger, but it also left him with immense guilt eating at him for taking it off in the first place. He studies Nesta's face for a second, giving up on trying to decipher what she was thinking in favor of looking back at you.

When everyone calmed down enough and Azriel was treated, it had been decided that you couldn't be left alone even in the room, they needed someone to keep an eye on you. It had also been quickly added that Azriel wasn't enough, his brother had seen right through him, he knew Azriel wouldn't try to stop you from killing him or trying to escape if you put your mind to it.

Cassian and Mor refused to stand watch unless it was truly necessary. He knows they wouldn't want to be put in a position where they had to stop you, knew they would not only feel guilty for hurting you but also wouldn't forgive themselves for hurting Azriel.

Even Rhysand, used to the weight and impartiality of the High Lord's title, looked hesitant in keeping him company, he had already forcefully invaded your mind to take your consciousness away, something he had vowed never to do to his friend. He could definitely stop you both from any of the worse case scenarios but at a cost he couldn't bear to pay.

That had left him with the two trained Archeron sisters and Amren. They set shifts to make sure Azriel was never left alone with you, he thinks they might not even trust him not to take you away from the room himself and help you escape. He can't really be sure himself if he wouldn't do exactly that if you asked. He'd follow you to the end of the world and beyond just to hear you call his name one more time.

“The wound is healed,” he whispers, keenly aware of your sleeping form, a habit that came to him naturally after seeing you. You always liked to sleep in and waking you up before your time was close to a death sentence.

“That's not what I meant.” Nesta walks closer to the chair beside your bed, the one he hasn't gotten up from since tucking you into the bed carefully. She placed a hand on his shoulder and studied you for a moment, something she's been doing since her shift started. “She stabbed you,” she says in an usually hesitant tone coming from her, “Are you sure it's her?”

“I would sooner forget my own name than mistake my wife for someone else,” the words came out clipped even with him trying to hold back his anger. It wasn't her fault for being suspicious, Nesta never got the chance to meet you, barely even heard about Azriel's marriage. She just wants to protect him, protect her friend.

“Why would she hurt you then?”

“Maybe it's my punishment,” the words leave him before he can think them through. It doesn't matter anyway, they all saw the state he was in at the townhouse. No point hiding now.

“Punishment?” She took a step back from the chair to be able to face him, her perplexed face coming into view. “You didn't do anything wrong.” The notion was almost laughable. Azriel had done plenty wrong in his life.

“I didn't find her,” he whispers, facing away from his friend in favor of watching you, “She's been out there for almost a century, on her own,” he clenched his fists at the thought, “and I didn't find her.”

“I know you looked for her as best as you could. I know you all did.” And what good did his best do?

“You don't understand, Nesta,” he says as he looks down at the ring once again, closing his eyes briefly at the burn he felt in his head. He didn't want to talk about this anymore, didn't want to explain his feelings to any of them.

“I do,” she starts, “If something happened-”

“If,” he cringes at how he raised his voice, immediately looking over to your sleeping form to make sure he didn't disturb you, and then added more quietly, with the same conviction in his tone, “If something happened to Cassian you would understand. But it hasn't and so you don't.”

Nesta lets out a defeated sigh, moving back to her original seat by the window, patting his shoulder comfortingly on her way. His eyes are focused on you once more and he has no intention of letting them stray until you wake up, and long after you do.

⋆｡°✩°｡⋆

You wake up slowly, your mind aware of your near consciousness before your body can follow. It feels like you've never been this deeply asleep, even the dreams that usually haunt you were quiet. Perhaps that's why it takes you so long to remember your current situation, it could also be the strangeness of it. You keep your eyes closed as your body and mind slowly come to.

You didn't expect to be lying on a bed, an unbelievably soft bed at that, after being caught stealing from the High Lord's home and then stabbing someone from his so-called Inner Circle. You're not sure when you lost consciousness but, in the split second the High Lord stood in front of you, you were more than certain you wouldn't be able to escape death again.

The sun is high in the sky, meaning you failed your mission, not only because you had been caught but also for not getting to the meeting point on time. Whether at the hands of your captors or your employers you were already as good as dead. The thought has heat burning behind your eyelids and your throat threatening to close up.

You don't even know what happened. This whole mission had seemed above your expertise from the start. You had never been sent on a mission to Prythian and the fact that you were sent to steal from a High Lord's home, the strongest in history at that, had sowed doubts inside you from the moment you heard about your mission from your handler. That and the sinking feeling in your gut as you listened to their descriptions of the city and people working for the High Lord. Every cell on your body was trying to reject this idea.

Deciding to trust your gut, you even brought up your doubts to your superiors, going as far as asking why you were being sent to retrieve some book when there are other fae more experienced in working there. There wasn't even any time to study the place or come up with escape routes. You had never been sent into any mission like this. Your worries had been quickly dismissed. They seemed completely convinced you wouldn't be caught, that you were the only member capable of this job.

Sneaking into the city had been simple enough, there seemed to be some celebration happening since so many fae were drinking and dancing around bars and even on the street. Your uneasiness only got worse as you walked through the streets. Something was wrong, every single one of your instincts was screaming at you, but you couldn't figure out why.

You walked to an alley close to the High Lord's house and surveyed the perimeter, making sure your intel was correct and the house was truly empty. After postponing the inevitable long enough, you took a deep breath and winnowed straight into the house, and, just like your handler told you, there were no wards or shields stopping you from entering. You thought this was peculiar for a High Lord but many powerful fae think themselves invincible to the point of arrogance and at the sacrifice of their own safety.

As you walked quietly through the hallway, your feet seemed to have a mind of their own, carrying you into a big room with sofas and a fireplace instead of the office you were supposed to be already searching through. You had the same feeling of deja vu as when you were walking through the illuminated streets before, something about the portraits on the walls and the peculiar chairs had your heart sputtering in your chest. It was an intricate design but you could swear you'd never seen anything like them before.

You moved closer to the window, far enough that no one could see you through it, and looked down at the city once more. Taking in the lights, the colorful houses and the fae cheerfully walking around the streets despite the late hour. There is no place like this in Montesere, not even close, so you don't understand how you could be confusing it, you really feel like you've been here before. Everything down to the names of the stores and smells wafting through the air look strangely familiar.

As you got lost in your thoughts, you had completely forgot about your mission. Letting your guard down, enough so that you didn't hear or feel anyone's presence in the same room until you heard them call out someone's name. The sound had goosebumps traveling through your entire body, your breath getting stuck in your throat. What scared you the most wasn't even the fact that you had just been caught but that voice, that name, almost brought tears to your eyes.

You stood frozen for a moment before turning around slowly and your entire body went still at what you saw. The male in front of you was the same one that haunted your dreams ever since you could remember, you would recognize that figure, those wings, those eyes anywhere.

You almost doubted you were awake at all but when he moved closer to you, standing in front of you before you could even blink, your body moved to protect yourself on instinct, to do as you had been taught at the guild. Your movements were a lot slower than usual, almost like something inside you was trying to stop you from hurting him but you had still managed to grab the long knife strapped to his thigh and stab it through his stomach in one clean movement.

The knife went in smoothly and he simply took it without trying to stop you or even letting out a sound. You've taken countless times before, killing was part of your life, of your job, but watching his blood run and coat your hands had made you feel incredibly guilty. You couldn't move, couldn't even let go of the knife.

When his hand reached to touch your face - a movement you didn't even register until his rough skin came in contact with your cheek - your wild eyes had met his and, suddenly, it felt like the world was spinning. The bright hazel was so familiar you could cry. He'd been starring in your dreams for so long but you'd never seen him quite this close. As you slowly let your mind catch up to you, you noticed he was smiling.

“You're home, my love,” he whispered softly. Your heart had felt like it was going to beat out of your chest at that point. You were missing something, a piece of information that felt like it was swimming right on the edge of your brain, but you couldn't quite reach it. His hands had both moved to cup your face by the time you found your voice.

“What?” What is going on? Who are you? Why do I feel like I know you? Why is your touch so familiar? My love? Your brain was filled with questions but you couldn't even find it in you to ask them. Couldn't look away from his eyes, the former joy seen in them giving way to something else.

“Azriel?” Both of you had tensed at the voice behind him. It seems he didn't hear anyone else arrive either, too caught up in each other and whatever mysterious tension was tying you together.

Your hands had tightened around the dagger on instinct, you could feel the power rippling through the room. You should have ran away while it was only him, he had let you stab him so maybe he would let you run away as well. But, as night incarnate filled the room, you knew every chance you had at an escape was lost.

The rest of the events were a blur, one moment you were watching more and more people winnow into the room, sending your heart further into disarray, and the next the High Lord himself stood in front of you with fury and what looked like disappointment etching his features, and then everything went dark.

As your memories from the night before fade, you become more aware of your surroundings. You could hear two separate breaths close to you, could smell two distinct scents, you suppose it was lucky enough that they had let you sleep on a bed, it's only natural they'd have someone keeping watch.

If they'd been watching you this whole time they would have to know you were awake by now, so you open your eyes slowly, blinking a few times to adjust to the brightness in the room. You study the intricate gold designs on the dark navy ceiling. Why did even the ceiling seem familiar? It feels like you are losing your mind.

Your head turns to the nightstand, where a cup of water sat over a flower shaped lace coaster. You almost gulped at the sight of it, your throat was so dry you weren't sure you could speak, but you were in a stranger's house, one you had tried to rob the night before, there had to be a catch somewhere and you didn't want to end at the cruel hands of poison.

Two pairs of eyes burned into you, and since you're not going to drink anyway, you decide that there's no delaying this confrontation any more. You turn to look at them, not surprised at finding the winged male sitting close to your bed, but he was accompanied by someone else, something else.

You sit up in bed slowly, not wanting to appear as a threat and startle them into thinking you had intentions of escaping or attacking you. You really didn't know why they hadn't just dumped you in a dark dungeon - you heard about their less than kind reputation before coming here - but you wanted to keep in their good graces if you could help it. They're probably keeping you to know more about who sent you, shame you can't tell them anything, maybe they'd even let you go if you could.

When you sit up against the headboard, your eyes meet the male's immediately, as if you were called to do it. Some of the same emotions you had seen last night were still shining in his eyes, but today there was so much more, so much so that you couldn't even begin to pick them apart even with the difference of a calm mind.

Your captors don't move so you take the moment to study the male before you. He always showed up covered in shadows in your dreams, you had barely caught glimpses of his face in the almost century of seeing him. Which was a real shame if you dared to admit it. He has an exceptionally beautiful face, the sun filtering through the window was giving his tan skin an ethereal glow, his eyes shine brightly, allowing you to make up the different tones of green and brown within them. His hair was stark black, curling slightly at the ends.

You had noticed the large wings that stood at his back the first time you'd seen him. You've never met any species of fae with wings but his were definitely peculiar. You always thought they were black but, with the brightness in the room and his shadows away, you can see they lean more to a crimson and gray-ish color. Trailing down to his torso, you notice that there doesn't seem to be any blood or sign of injury. He had already gotten healed then. For some reason, your heart calms at that and you try telling yourself it's because it might lessen the trouble you got in.

A shadow moves across him to reach up into his ear, almost like it was whispering something to him. You knew the Night Court's Spymaster was a shadowsinger, the only of its kind, but you didn't know what his shadows could do, what they could see and tell him. The hair on the back of your neck raises as his eyes watch you intently while listening to his shadow's words. They had to be talking about you. Could they read through your thoughts?

“Leave us alone, Amren.” Your eyes finally stray from the male when you hear her name, finally taking in the short creature behind him, and you almost regret it when her bright silver eyes meet yours. She was nothing short of terrifying, you think even the older assassins in the guild would feel unnerved under her gaze. You weren't even sure what she actually was but it had to be something other, something ancient and powerful. She seems displeased at the look you give her, though you doubt she's unacquainted with seeing fear on people's faces, or bothered by it.

Amren narrows her eyes slightly before looking at the male. She studies him with an intensity that could make most fae run for their lives, makes you consider it, but the male doesn't seem to care, his eyes never leaving yours. “I hope you know what you're doing, boy.” She walks out of the room with no hesitation, leaving you alone with the male that walks your dreams once again.

You stare into each other's eyes for what feels like an eternity. Neither of you seem to find the right words. You know why you're having trouble finding them. Between getting caught stealing in his house and the turmoil going on inside you, you're surprised you've been managing to keep your composure at all. But you can't understand why he'd be in the same position as you. Could he also be haunted by dreams of you the same way you were of him?

Leaning forward in his chair, he says the same name you heard last night, the one who made your heart tighten painfully in your chest. You had been too confused and scared last night to even consider it but now you can clearly see he's using it to call you. He seems to think that's your name.

“That's not my name,” you manage through your dry throat, the words coming out so rough and low that you're sure he wouldn't have heard you if it weren't for the quiet in the room. Your answer seems to hurt him, his face drops, the sunlight that was shining through his skin seems to vanish, and you see his wings tighten behind him. Your own body seems to respond to it. You want to make him feel better but you don't know how or why.

He nods almost imperceptibly, as if accepting a fact he was unwilling to, and rises up from the chair, tensing slightly when you press yourself further into the headboard. He seems to try to ignore it as he moves to the nightstand, picking up the glass and handing it to you.

You eye the glass sitting in his brutally scarred hands, momentarily wondering what could have done such a thing if he healed up from a stab wound in mere hours. He senses your hesitation but simply holds it closer to you. You look up to meet his eyes again.

“It's not poisoned,” he offers, “I promise.” You're not entirely sure why but you trust him, or maybe you were just in desperate need of water, reaching up to take the glass from him and almost drinking it in one go. He seems at least pleased enough with this, moving back to sit in his chair. As you observe his movements, you almost miss the way the glass refills on its own. You blink at it, deciding it's not worth considering, and take another slow sip.

Since he doesn't start asking you questions, apparently content enough with watching you drink, and you start to get unusually shy under his intense gaze, you start asking them yourself, seeing this as your chance to know the male of your dreams.

“What's your name?” You play with the glass as you ask, trying to appear nonchalant despite your perilous situation and the tension between you.

“Azriel,” his deep voice cuts through the silence. You repeat it, goosebumps spreading over your body at the act. Nothing is making sense anymore but his name feels right on your tongue.

You say it one more time, letting it linger in your mind. There is something inside you trying to claw its way out at the sound. You can feel it now, can feel how wrong it feels, how wrong you feel. There was a growing pressure inside your head. You let go of the glass and watch it vanish into thin air before it has the chance to make contact with the covers.

The sensation that you've forgotten something really important is back. You look up at the male one more time, seeing he has moved closer to you and noting the worry in his gaze. He wasn't supposed to be worried about you, he's a stranger and you had just stabbed him a few hours ago. So why does it feel right for him to care? Tears line your eyelids, your hands shaking slightly at the strange feelings building inside you.

“I don't know you,” you whisper, more to yourself than him, “I feel like I should.”

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(for some reason I couldn't tag some of you. check your settings because you might have tags disabled)

[storiesforallfandoms]

moved on ~ thomas shelby;peaky blinders

word count: 2213

request?: no

description: in which his ex comes back after two years, and his fiancée is worried about what this means for their engagement

pairing: thomas shelby x female!reader

warnings: swearing, use of y/n

masterlist (one, two, three)

Tommy didn't expect to fall in love after Grace had ran off. He had loved her more than he loved anyone, and he thought he'd never find that love again.

Until he met (Y/N).

They met at an event Tommy had to attend. He only went to make an appearance, and was looking for a way to leave when he spotted her. Right away, he was taken by her. He spent the rest of the night talking to her, and even drove her home at the end of the night.

Within two months, Tommy had proposed. He couldn't risk losing this one. She made him feel even better than he had with Grace. (Y/N) was the one, he was sure of it. So, he asked her to marry him, and he was beyond ecstatic when she said yes.

Everything was perfect, until the day Tommy took (Y/N) to the races.

It was a scorching hot day in Birmingham. Tommy and his brothers were set to go to the races, and obviously he had asked (Y/N) to come with them. She was wearing a summer dress that Tommy had bought for her and, as he had predicted, she looked breathtaking in it. He couldn't keep his eyes - or his hands - off of her.

"You're going to cause a scandal," (Y/N) teased as Tommy's hand made its way under her dress again.

"No one's looking, love," Tommy assured her, moving her hair from her shoulder so he could start kissing her neck.

(Y/N) fought the pleasure his actions were giving her to push him away. As good as Tommy made her feel, she was no going to let him have his way with her in public.

"Can you get me something to drink?" she asked. "I'm parched, and quite hot."

"Of course, darling."

Tommy gave her a quick peck before going to find a concessions stand.

He was waiting for their drinks when a familiar voice said, "Tommy?"

He thought he imagined it, but he realized that couldn't be it. He hadn't even thought of her in years. There's no way he would suddenly be imagining her again. So, he allowed himself to turn, and there she was.

Grace.

Just as beautiful as the day she left him.

"I didn't expect to see you here," she said.

"I didn't expect to see you anywhere," Tommy responded. "I thought you fell off the face of the Earth. Since I never heard from you and all."

A flash of guilt showed on Grace's face. It made Tommy happy to know she felt guilty for what she did.

"I can't apologize enough - "

"No, you can't," Tommy said. He was finally given his drinks. He took them and began to walk away from her.

"Wait!" She took hold of his arm, stopping him in his tracks. "Please, let me explain. I'll tell you everything."

Tommy looked down at her hand. It was hard to miss the diamond ring on her ring finger.

"Will your husband be okay with that?"

She seemed to bristle a little at the comment, but she managed to keep her composure. "I'm sure he wouldn't mind me catching up with an old friend."

Tommy held his tongue from correcting her. He wanted to know the truth about what happened with Grace. Even if that's all their meeting was - which it would be - then it could at least be some closure for him. He agreed to Grace's proposal, but only under the condition that she meet him at the Garrison. He needed to have some sort of control in this situation.

It was only as Tommy was walking back to his seat that he realized he hadn't told Grace he was engaged. In fact, he had completely forgotten about (Y/N) for those few moments.

She was still in her seat wen he got back, eagerly watching the current race. The moment he laid his eyes on her, Tommy felt his heart swell. He realized that he felt nothing but contempt for Grace. He wasn't eager for their meeting at the Garrison as he would've been nearly two years ago. It was nothing more than a business meeting to him now, because his heart belonged to one woman.

(Y/N) looked over her shoulder and smiled at him. "You've been gone for some time. Did you get lost?"

He smiled back. Instead of responding, he sat with her and kissed her cheek. (Y/N) giggled and leaned into him.

Tommy thought about telling (Y/N) about Grace, but he wasn't sure how to. He didn't want her to get upset over Grace's appearance, and their agreement of a private meeting, but he knew there was no way to bring it up without (Y/N) getting upset. He couldn't blame her either. If the roles were reversed and one of (Y/N)'s exes were trying to reconnect with her...well, that person wouldn't be around much longer.

(Y/N) looked up at Tommy and nudged him. "Are you alright? You look deep in thought."

"I saw Grace," he blurted.

"Grace? Like...the Grace?" Tommy nodded. "When? Just then?" He nodded again. "Oh, wow. What did she say?"

"She asked if we could meet up to talk about her leaving."

"What did you say?"

"I told her we could meet at the Garrison."

(Y/N) nodded, her face unreadable. "When?"

"Tomorrow night."

"And...did you tell her about me?"

Tommy was silent. He couldn't lie to her, and his silence was enough of an answer. She turned away from him to focus on the race again. She felt so many emotions that she couldn't even place them. She knew Tommy loved her, and she knew he was loyal, but she was also aware of Tommy and Grace's past. He told her everything about their relationship when they first got together. So she knew how intense Tommy and Grace's relationship had been, and how broken he was when she left.

Tommy reached over and put his hand on her leg. "Love, look at me."

(Y/N) reluctantly turned to face her fiance.

"I will call the meeting off if it makes you uncomfortable," he said. "Or you can come and be there when it happens."

She shook her head. "No, I think that will likely make it more awkward."

Tommy cupped her face. "Do you trust me?"

"My mind is screaming that I shouldn't, but my heart says I do." She chuckled and added, "That sounded so cheesy."

"It did," Tommy agreed. He pulled her towards him to place a kiss on her lips. "I promise this is nothing more than a meeting to get some closure. Any love I felt for Grace disappeared when she did. You are the only woman who has my heart, and that will never change."

(Y/N) smiled and leaned into Tommy. "I believe you. Just...tell her about me the moment she shows up, okay?"

"I will, love."

~~~~~~

The next night, (Y/N) was pacing her and Tommy's shared living room. Tommy had left for his meeting with Grace moments ago. He had kissed her and told her he wouldn't be long, and she had smiled at him but didn't speak. Once he was gone, she had stood and immediately began to walk around the house. Her nerves were making it impossible to be still.

She told Tommy she had trusted him, and that wasn't a lie, but she couldn't help the gnawing feeling of unease and jealousy. It was a cliche to say, but it was Grace she didn't trust. She didn't know Grace besides what Tommy had told her about their previous relationship, and the fact that Grace was now married. But would that be enough to stop Grace from wanting to make a move on Tommy? Would Tommy's engagement be enough?

Her mind would not rest. She was starting to regret telling Tommy she wasn't going to accompany him to the meeting. Even if it would've been awkward, at least her mind would've been at ease.

Before she could register what she was doing, (Y/N) was pulling on a coat and heading out the door. She started walking towards the Garrison. She knew it was a bad idea to just drop in on Tommy and Grace's meeting, but the not knowing was killing her. She couldn't just stay home and wait for Tommy to come back.

It was a slow night at the pub. There were a few men sat along the bar, and three men sat around one table. Harry was wiping down some glassware at the bar when (Y/N) walked in. He regarded her and nodded towards the private room that the Shelby's frequented, signaling that Tommy was still in there. (Y/N) walked towards the room, intending to knock before entering, until she heard a woman's voice on the other side.

"I never meant to hurt you, Tommy. I know I betrayed you, and nothing can ever change that. But you have to know that I did love you - that I do love you. I left Birmingham because I knew it would be better for you if I did, but I never stopped thinking about you."

"What about your husband?" came Tommy's voice.

"I love him, but I'm not in love with him. He has been a marriage of convenience more than anything. He was there, and he had a good job and a good life, and I hadn't hurt him."

There was silence. (Y/N) could only imagine what was happening on the other side of the door. She hadn't missed Grace admitting to still being in love with Tommy, and even if it seemed Tommy had. Or maybe was just ignoring the fact that she said it.

Or maybe he was happy to hear it?

"I've missed you so much, Tommy," came Grace's voice, soft. "I've thought about you every day since I left. I've been hoping for a day where I could see you again, just one more time, and as for you to give me another chance."

(Y/N) could feel her heart breaking. Tears were welling up in her eyes as she backed away from the door. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Harry looking at her. She wouldn't look directly at him, but she could make out the look of pity on his face. He must've known what was happening in that room, or had some idea anyways.

She was about to leave when she heard Tommy say, "Any chances you had left when you did, Grace."

(Y/N)'s ears perked back up as she moved back towards the door.

"I loved you once, Grace. If you had come back, even after admitting to me your betrayal, I might've taken you back. But I've moved on now. I have found a woman that I love more than anything in this world, and who loves me just as much. There is nothing and no one in this world who could convince me to leave (Y/N), not even you."

There was a silence on the other side. It wasn't until the knob started to turn on the door that (Y/N) realized Grace was leaving. She quickly stumbled away from the door just before it swung open and hit her. She was stood frozen as she looked at Grace - beautiful, blonde, elegant Grace, stood in a crimson red dress and her hair curled. Grace seemed just as shocked to see someone standing on the other side, but swiftly moved around (Y/N) to exit the pub as quickly as possible.

Tommy was sat at the table with a lit cigarette to his mouth. He didn't look surprised to see (Y/N). He took a long drag and blew it out of the corner of his mouth, before motioning with his fingers for (Y/N) to join him.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to - "

"How much of it did you hear?" he asked.

"Well, I arrived sometime before her love confession."

"Which one?"

(Y/N) felt an angry heat rise in her face. "There were multiple?"

"There was two. Three, if you count her asking for another chance at the end there."

"Well, in that case I arrived before the second one."

Tommy reached out for his fiancée, gently touching her arm and pulling her to sit next to him.

"So you heard what I said to her, then?" he asked. (Y/N) nodded. "And you know I meant every word."

"Of course I do," she said. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have just shown up like this. I just couldn't settle down at home while I waited for you. I needed to be here."

"I did offer for you to sit in on the meeting." His tone was light and there was a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. That's how (Y/N) knew he wasn't being serious, or that he wasn't upset about her appearance.

"I know. I should've taken you up on that," she said. She leaned close to Tommy and kissed his cheek. "I love you."

"I love you, too, darling. Don't ever think that I don't."

"I won't. I promise."

[vivwritesfics]

Could you do super cocky frat/college Lando? Y/N doesn't like him cuz of his attitude. But after lots & lots of flirting, she starts giving in to his charms (and hotness). He's a bit narcissistic, so when he knows she's in the palm of his hand, he has her undress him, making her feel and kiss his muscles, and then he has her get on her knees and kiss him through his underwear, and then he pushes his c*ock down her throat until she has tears in her eyes, and he's smirking and boasting non-stop, and he makes her admit how big he is and how good he tastes, and he makes her beg for his cum at the end 🤭

horny jail for you (trying some new formatting for this one) (i also changed the plot)

warnings: smut, oral (male!receiving), dominant lando, begging

they were supposed to meet in the library, half an hour ago. she sat there, book open, waiting for her. she had already taken time out of her day to tutor him, at her professors request, and he hadn't been bothered to show up.

five more minutes, and then she'd pack her things up and go.

that five minutes came and went. with a huff, she began packing up her things. she slipped her notebook into her bag and packed away all of the sparkly pens she'd gotten just for the situation.

and then he walked in. still in his gym clothes, face flush and skin sweaty, he walked towards her. "sorry, gorgeous," he said and sat down beside her. "got caught up at the gym."

his smile was so damn charming. that was how she'd gotten into this mess in the first place, wasn't it? agreeing to tutor him once he'd flashed her that dazzling grin. even now it had her knees buckling, would have had her on the floor if she wasn't already sitting down.

swallowing the lump in her throat, she pulled out her notebooks and work books again. "should we get started?"

his attitude was bad, there was no other way to put it. he was cocky and why wouldn't he stop flirting with her? well, she knew why he wouldn't stop flirting with her. he wanted her to write the essays for him and thought the flirting was the way to get her to do that.

he could tell how nervous he was making her, but she wasn't going to give him. "you can do it if you just try," she said, pen tapping against her hand. "i'll even check it over for you if you want."

that was a wrong move. she'd already done all she could aside from actually write the essay. she'd made him a plan, given him key words to include and set sections out into word counts.

"yeah?" he asked, lip between his teeth. "how about you come to mine tomorrow to check it over?"

go to his frat house. she couldn't imagine anything worse. but then he pouted and released an admittedly pathetic please, and she'd agreed.

for two days, she'd gotten on with her own work. she kept her head down and studied.

after those two days, she made her way to lando's frat house. she'd been there once before, at a party at the start of the year. her friend had gotten so damn drunk that she had to leave before anything 'fun' (fun by frat boy standards) could happen.

she stepped up to the door and knocked.

max verstappen pulled it open. his expression was perpetually grumpy, until he laid his eyes on her. his grin match that of a wolf as he took her in. "come on in," he said, stepping to the side.

she swallowed and obeyed. "i-i'm here for lando," she said, somewhat terrified under his gaze.

max folded his arms over his chest. "lando!" he shouted, head turned towards the stairs. "there's a little mouse here for you!"

little mouth. her face burned as she looked anywhere but at him. the frat house was gross, but that was expected. it was a stereotype of every college movie she'd watched before attending herself. empty pizza boxes all over the place and a tower of red, plastic cups in the middle of the living room.

from up the stairs, one of the doors open. she looked towards it, met lando's eye before he shouted, "send her up!"

"see you later, little mouse," max said and stepped out of her way. heart thundering in her chest, she started up the stairs, heading to the door lando was holding open.

his grin had her shying away. "little mouse, huh?" he asked, hand on her back as he pushed her into his bedroom. "i like it."

his gaze was like fire against her skin as he brought her to sit on his bed. once she was there, lando turned to his desk and turned on his laptop. "i didn't really know what i was doing with this one," he said and turned it on.

he pushed his chair back and gestured for her to come look. she did just that, leaned over his shoulder as he pulled up... a blank word document.

"shit, not that one," he said and opened another. this one had about two pages of text. it was small and not easy to read from her place leaning over him.

as if he could tell this, lando let out a huff. he grabbed her hips, pulling her onto his lap. "there," he said, voice holding an edge. "better?"

swallowing, she nodded. but there was no way she could concentrate with the way he was holding her hips. she tried, she really really tried, but lando moved his hands to her thighs.

that was too much. that had her squeaking and climbing off of his lap.

"what?" lando asked, as if he really didn't know. but his smirk said otherwise. "you don't like it when i touch you?"

she picked up her bag from the floor. "i'm going home," she said quickly.

but lando had strode across the room, shutting the door before she could. "oh, come on," he said, flexing slightly as he stood in front of her. "you're wound so tight, baby. don't you want someone to help... loosen you up?"

she swallowed when she looked at him. but when lando reached out and touched her, she didn't pull away. she didn't protest when he dropped her bags to the floor and when he stepped towards her. she didn't protest when he pushed off her cardigan and dipped his fingers into the waistband of her skirt.

his fingers grabbed the zip. he pulled it down slowly, giving her ample time to say no. but she didn't. "is this okay?" he asked, a moment of sweetness as he let her skirt fall to the floor.

she took a moment before she nodded. was it okay? he had a point when he said she was wound tight. so why not let him unwind her?

when she nodded, lando gripped the bottom of her skirt and pulled it over her her head.

this was happening. this was actually happening.

once he had her standing bare before him, her clothes and underwear discarded around the room, lando took her hands and pulled them towards his jeans.

he settled them over the button of his jeans. she got the hint and popped the button. She went to push them down, but lando tutted her. "ah, leave them on, gorgeous," he said and she did just that.

he had to take her hands again and reach them into his jeans, into his underwear. "on your knees, baby," he whispered and she sank down to her knees. she pulled him from his underwear.

his cock stood to attention in front of her. if she was any closer it would have slapped her in the face.

she wasn't a virgin, no, but this was oral. she wasn't used to giving oral, wasn't used to having something like this in her mouth. and, clearly, lando could tell.

he leaned over, gripped her cheeks until she parted her lips. "you look so pretty," he whispered. it wasn't exactly encouragement, but she wrapped her fingers around his base and moved forward, taking his lip between her lips.

as soon as she sat him in her mouth, lando threw his head back and let out a moan.

it was just small kitten licks at first. she was teasing him, she had to be, and lando hated it. he needed himself sheathed all the way in her throat.

his hips moved just a little bit and she was already gagging around him. god, it felt so damn euphoric. she unwrapped her fingers from around his cock and tried to settle on his hips, to push him back, but lando was so much stronger than her.

"relax your throat," he grunted and pulled back. this time when he moved his hips, he didn't move them as far. he settled on a steady rhythm, fucking into her mouth a little bit further each time.

but, each time her nose was buried in the curls at the base of his cock, she pulled back, messing up his rhythm. lando leaned over, gathered up her hair as best as he could, and held her still.

it was messy, spit covering her face as he fucked into her mouth. but she was loving that, the damp between her thighs told her that much. each time the tip of her cock hit the back of her throat, she moaned around him.

"there you go, gorgeous," he grunted, speeding up slightly. "told you that you needed loosening up." he pulled on her hair, pulling her off of his cock. "go on, tell me how much you like it. fucking beg for it, baby."

at first, she just made a desperate whine and tried to move forward. but lando held her steady, wouldn' t her go until she admitted just how much she loved it. it was so shameful, having to beg for his dick, knowing the entire frat house could hear it.

his pace was brutal until his hips stuttered and he let out a moan, spilling down her throat.

he pulled back, but she chased after him, not letting his cock leave her lips until he coated her tongue. "holy fuck," he gasped when she let him go, showing him the site of his seed on her tongue.

she swallowed it.

requests closed for everyone but frat!lando (pls someone give me an excuse to write frat!lando x reader x frat!max)

[alexia11luvr]

I Put My Hand On A Star, To See If I Still Bleed

Alexia isn't playing well after returning from her injury and needs to feel something.

(AU where Arsenal and Barça are in the same group in the 2023/24 UWCL)

CW: smut, sub!alexia because there isn't enough of it in this world, strap-on, lil bit of blood

Back during the 2021/2022 season, you and Alexia would hook up all the time. She barely spoke English and you barely spoke Spanish, but during an Arsenal V Barça game, you both felt an attraction for the first time, a connection, and that connection turned into a hook up at a hotel after the game. This happened again after the teams' next meeting, and after that, whenever you were in Spain or she was in England for whatever reason, you two would meet up and hook up at some hotel, always in secret. This was never spoken about between the two of you, whenever you were at award shows, you'd see eachother, perhaps make casual conversation with as much of the other's language as you could, but almost always in the company of other players.

It'd been over a year since the two of you had hooked up, you'd seen eachother at the Euros, but her injury kept you two from doing you usual thing, and there was far too much going on at the World Cup for you two to do it either.

The next time you saw eachother was in a Champions League group stage match in Barcelona. She looked different, her hair was platinum blonde, she looked older, more mature, and the innocence that was in her eyes before was gone. It worried you a little, it made you sad to see her like that, clearly in emotional pain, but there was something about it that attracted you to her- that loss of innocence. She had always been older than you, a good ten years older than you, but you never really noticed it until now, her maturity was showing and you liked it. Everything about the way she looked had lost its innocence, had changed since you last saw her. You didn't know exactly why you liked it so much, why it turned you on so much, but it did.

She scored in the second half after a string of missed shots. It wasn't a brilliant goal, but it was a goal all the same. You watched her as she celebrated, no smile crossed her face like it used to, and as she turned away from the crowd you saw a look of deep contemplation in her eyes as she looked down-

She knew she wasn't in form, not that she could expect to be so soon, but it was still hurting her. She wanted a better goal, several goals. A better game.

Katie scored a few minutes later, bringing the scoreline level, until Aitana scored in the 68th minute, and the match ended like that, Barça 2-1 Arsenal.

You shook hands and hugged after the match, you asked her if she was okay, you hadn't seen her smile the entire time, not even after the final whistle. She hesitated before nodding, and then leaned in closer to you before whispering "What hotel are you in?"

You told her the name of your hotel, as well your room number, letting her know you could do it there. You were lucky that you were rooming alone on this trip, last time you'd had to fuck Alexia in another hotel a few miles away from the team's, and you barely made it back in time before they noticed you were gone.

"No roommate?" she asked.

"No, we have the room to ourselves, the whole night."

"Ten O'Clock." she said.

"I'll see you then."

She ran her hand across your waist as she walked away, the first touch of affection you'd gotten from her in a long time, and you needed it. You missed that feeling more than anything, it was like a drug- the strongest drug you'd ever had.

Ten O'Clock couldn't come soon enough. There was still half an hour to go. You were talking with the girls in Leah's room, and you couldn't stop glancing at your watch, lamenting how slowly the hands were moving.

"Why do you keep checking your watch?" Katie asked.

You looked up, like a deer caught in headlights.

"Um, I dunno," you were panicking, "I think it's broken, the hands aren't moving right, I'm gonna go get my digital one."

This was a lie of course, there was nothing wrong with your watch, but you did need to get out of the room for a moment and make sure everything was ready in yours.

You opened the door to find Alexia on the bed, who sat up quickly as the door opened.

"What are you doing here? It's not ten yet."

Alexia didn't say anything, instead she quickly lifted herself off the bed and walked towards you pulling you in for a kiss, her hands grabbing your shirt just below the collar. The kiss was eager and breathy, passionate, and it became clear to you why she was early. You pulled her body in closer, with your hands on the back of her waist. Her lips moved to your neck, making you lose your breath for a moment, her movements still eager and passionate. You toyed with the hem of her shirt, subtly asking for permission, before she took it off herself, tossing it aside. She quickly unbuttoned yours and pulled it off you by running her hands over your shoulders and underneath the fabric, admiring how muscular you were, more so than the last time you'd met. She wasn't the only one who looked more mature.

A slight pause in her movements led you to pick her up and place her on the desk at the side of the room, your hands roamed her thighs as you stood in-between them, and you began to tug at the fabric that was still covering them as you kissed her. As you did, her arms left the position of being wrapped around your neck and travelled down your torso, one landing on your waist and the other over your crotch. Her breath hitched and she pulled away from the kiss as she felt the bulge of what you were packing. It was big, bigger than anything she'd taken before, and she liked that, she needed that. Her eyes darkened sensually, and she gripped it tighter, causing a wave of pleasure to move through you. You backed away from the desk pulling her off of it so she could remove her trousers as you undid your belt and removed yours. She sat herself back on the desk and pulled you in towards her lips. You kissed down her neck and her chest, moving her to lean back slightly as you dipped a finger into her core- she was more than wet enough, it was beginning to coat the insides of her thighs so you knew she needed to be fucked more than anything.

"You ready?" you asked, your voice low.

"Yes." she said, breathlessly, needily. You loved when she spoke English, her strong accent made it so sensual.

You kissed her softly once more before looking down, you held her by the hips and slowly put your cock in her and she groaned at the pain as she wrapped her arms around you, pulling you right into her body. Her whimpers and moans turned you on more than anything, you loved how she sounded when you fucked her. The raw skin on skin contact felt incredible, you loved feeling this close to her, you needed it. With you inside her and her legs wrapped around your waist, you picked her up again and placed her down gently on the bed. You sped up and her whimpers turned into whines, echoing around the room. She bit her lip to try and stop herself, but it didn't help. You slowed down and increased the pressure and depth of your thrusts, which turned her whines into loud, open-mouthed moans. You kissed up her neck and her cheek as you fucked into her, knowing that she would appreciate the intimacy now, given what you were about to do.

You knew how she liked to be fucked, and how she wanted to be fucked, even if she hadn't said it, that was part of your connection, you just knew.

You pulled out of her slowly and whispered in her ear, "Turn over."

She did as she was told, turning over to lay on her stomach. You admired the view infront of you, her muscular back, her thighs, and the best ass you'd ever seen.

You slipped it back in her again, and she moaned, gripping the bedsheets as she did, her hands above her head.

You lowered yourself onto her back, getting that raw skin on skin contact as you rubbed together that you both loved so much.

The friction on her back made her seek friction on her front, desperate for some pressure on her clit, making her moans and whimpers grow louder with overstimulation.

"Shh sh sh." you whispered, stroking her hip, remembering that the other girls were in the room next door.

She quietened slightly, biting the bed sheets.

"That's it, you can take it, you're doing really well." You praised, and she really did deserve it.

"Get up on you knees for me." you said.

She always did as she was told when you had her like this.

She got up on her knees quickly, her back arching and her arms out infront of her, grasping the bed sheets.

"I'm sorry princesa, this is really going to hurt."

You took your cock out, noticing how it was glistening, covered in her arousal, and you slipped it in her ass. She was much tighter there, and you could feel it as you fucked into her. She cried out in both pain and pleasure, and she quickly propped herself up from her elbows onto her hands, unsure how to deal with the intensity of it all. Even between gasps and moans, her mouth remained open.

"You're okay, I've got you." you said, holding onto her hips and rubbing gently with your thumb.

She whimpered, nodding slightly, then dropping her head.

"Good girl."

You kissed up her spine and placed gentle, soft kisses on her hips. Her breathing was shaky and tears began to run down her cheeks, but she didn't want you to stop, not for one second. She hadn't felt this much in months, and she needed it.

You sped up, seeing her body rock back and forth, under your complete and total control, was beautiful. She was beginning to bleed, but she showed no signs of wanting to stop, and you found beauty in that too.

Blood and arousal were dripping onto the bedsheets, not that you cared, all that you cared about was pleasuring Alexia. Seeing her cry from pain and ecstasy was the most beautiful thing you'd ever seen, she'd moved back to holding herself up on her elbows and had her hands clasped together, trying to cope with the pain and overstimulation. After a few minutes, you could tell she was getting used to that pain, as her whines and whimpers turned into moans.

You decided it was time to add to her pleasure by placing two fingers into her core. She gasped at their sudden presence, but she was soaked from the inside out and her dripping cunt welcomed you without any resistance.

She moaned in pure ecstasy at your movements inside her, as you were stroking gently with a steady pace matching the one you were fucking her ass with.

Her reactions were becoming more erratic and you knew she was close. She moved her arm from it's position of support and held onto your wrist and hand, pushing you further inside her slightly and giving her more pressure on her clit, as she let her forehead fall to the bed. She was purely in pursuit of pleasure. She looked so gorgeous this way, totally at the mercy of her own body.

You leant down onto her back again.

"You ready to come for me princesa?" you said, pressing open mouth kisses against her back, dragging your teeth across her skin, leaving red marks.

"Ye- yes, please." she said, breathlessly

"Such a good girl, aren't you Ale?" you said, smiling. The question was rhetorical, and she knew that, she knew it was just to remind her of what made her a good girl- being fucked bloody and teary-eyed, crying in pleasure on her knees, desperately holding your hand inside her with your palm against her clit.

She moaned one last time, her jaw slack, eyes closed, head thrown back then dropped forward as her back arched and her legs shook. You slapped her ass hard as she came, adding to her waves of pleasure as you came a moment later. Both yours and Alexia's movements continued through her orgasm as you let her ride it out.

"Look at you, you did so well." you smiled, you were so proud of her, she'd never taken it like that before.

You pulled out of her and discarded the strap, tossing it onto the chair.

She turned around to face you, sitting on the bed with you kneeling in front of her. She wiped tears from her eyes and noticed the bed sheets.

"Did I bleed?" she asked, her voice shaky.

"Yeah, you did." you replied, helping her wipe the tears away.

She was still shaking so you pulled her close to you, her head resting on your chest, and you began stroking her hair as she closed her eyes and a final few tears fell gently down her face.

You helped her off the bed as she winced and whimpered from the pain of moving.

"It's okay," you reassured her "it'll hurt less tomorrow."

She held onto you tightly as you helped her move. You pulled back the duvet and helped her lay down slowly. Her breathing was heavy and her whimpers didn't stop. You loved seeing her like this. You got into the bed yourself and pulled the duvet up to cover the pair of you. As soon as you did, she rolled over, seeking contact and comfort from you. She placed a long soft kiss on your lips before laying her head on your chest and placing her hand beside her face, her palm on your skin, right over your heart. She kept her legs closed, it being too painful to open them, and you placed one hand on her back, stroking up and down slowly, and letting the other just rest on her waist. You were both exhausted, and you fell asleep quickly after that.

You were awoken the next morning by the sound of the girls talking next door. You checked the time, it was half past ten, you'd slept for nearly twelve hours. It was then that Katie and Leah suddenly walked into your room, you quickly pulled the duvet over Alexia's head- it was still obvious that you had a woman in bed with you, but at least they wouldn't know who it was, or so you had thought until you remembered there was a jacket with a Barcelona logo on it slung over the chair, which you saw Leah notice as Katie was looking at you.

"So this is why you didn't come back to Leah's room last night- I shoulda known." Katie laughed.

"C'mon Katie, let's leave them be." Leah smiled. Always the more mature out of the pair.

You pulled the duvet back down, revealing Alexia's face, you ran a hand through her platinum blonde hair, and smiled.

[greenwitchfromthewoods]

the black alley. l Joel Miller

Summary: you didn't expect to see him there

Warnings: +18 smut, angst, swearing, a lot of anger, mention of Sarah, unprotected sex (don't do that), fingering, possesive Joel

A/N: I'll just leave it here. scribbles.

You knew you were in trouble the moment he walked into the place. You recognized him easily, after all, he hadn't changed that much. Maybe there were a few more gray hairs on his temple, maybe he seemed more tired, but he was still the same guy.

One or maybe two years? You weren't sure how much time had passed since your last meeting. Although maybe you shouldn't count this time, after all, you didn't part on very friendly terms.

You decided to evacuate this place before he realized that you were together under one roof. You put on your jacket, finished your coffee and, trying not to be conspicuous, got up from the table.

“Is everything okay, Y/N?” Maria walked over to you quickly, taking a plate and a cup. "Maybe you'd like some dessert? I have a great apple pie."

"Maybe next time, thanks." you replied, smiling, "I think I'll go to bed now."

"It's good that you came. There's always a place for you here, you know that, right?"

"Yeah, thank you."

You looked around uncertainly and, seeing him nowhere, breathed a sigh of relief and then headed towards the exit. The place was packed that evening and you could have gotten out unnoticed, but not in this case. Not if the person hunting you was Joel Miller.

When someone grabbed your arm tightly, you knew you were lost.

"You have quite a nerve showing up here."

It was like a punch. Long after you parted ways, you heard his low voice in your head. It was driving you crazy.

"Hi, Joel." you replied, smiling weakly, "What a surprise!"

"What a surprise." he repeated after you.

His dark eyes looked at you as if to make sure you weren't a ghost. You saw that little wrinkle between his eyebrows, you didn't want to know what was going on in his head at that moment.

"Can you let me go?" you spoke first, "It hurts."

He unclenched his hand, but his face didn't change expression. God! You missed him so much. Only in your dreams did his face come back to you, but you were too afraid to meet him in reality. Now everything has changed.

"How long have you been in Jackson?" he asked, slipping his hands into his jacket pockets.

"I arrived in the morning." you replied, "You look good, Joel."

"Mhm." he muttered, nodding his head, probably not all the words reached him. "Did you come with someone?"

"I'm alone. It's better this way."

He nodded again.

It irritated you. You would rather have him scream and blurt out everything you expected to hear. During all this time, you had already created several scenarios of your meeting in your head, and almost each of them involved a gigantic quarrel full of regrets. But he just looked at you.

"Do you have a place to stay overnight?" he asked finally.

"Yes. Marie gave me a room nearby."

"I'll walk you back."

"You don't have to."

But his hand was already on your back as he led you out of the premises and into the cool evening air. It was much quieter outside and there were definitely no people there.

You had walked a dozen or so steps when he spoke again.

"I thought you were dead."

"Maybe that would be better for you." you replied without thinking, "Maybe I'm like cockroaches?"

"Maybe."

You turned into an alley between buildings where it was really dark. It was what you could expect.

A strong hand tightened on your shoulder again and soon your back hit the wall of the building.

"What the fuck were you thinking?!" Joel growled, glaring at you with fury. “I came back and you were gone! Your stuff is gone. No word on where you are or what happened!”

"I left you a note." you replied, but your words were strangely quiet.

"A note?!" Joel scoffed, "Don't be silly! I thought I probably deserved more than a few words, don't you think?"

"Yes! You deserved more, but I couldn't give it to you, Joel!" you finally faced this unequal fight "I had to do it! You won't understand it."

"Of course! I was a fucking idiot."

Joel pulled away from you and put his hands on his hips, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Well, maybe you can finally explain it to me, huh? Maybe after all this time, I'll be able to understand you?"

"It doesn't make sense, Joel. Look, it's over now, okay? We met, fine, but now we're all going our separate ways. Again."

He was like an animal. His hand cupped your face, fingers digging into your cheek, and you gasped as he pressed you against the wall.

"It's not fucking over!" he croaked, "Almost two years! Do you get that? I've buried you so many times. I deserve some kind of answer before you pack your ass and run away again!"

Everything came back to him in an instant as soon as his gaze landed on your figure. He would recognize you anywhere. In Boston, you were the closest person to him, and you just vanished into thin air.

He came home that day and at first your absence didn't alarm him. Only a piece of paper lying on the table caught his attention. A few words - "Sorry, I had to. One day you will understand. Bye." Joel quickly checked the bedroom dresser and the bathroom. You took only the most necessary things and disappeared like a stone into water. He was pissed at you like never before.

The days turned into weeks, and they turned into months, and you kept returning to his head, stabbing him in the heart each time.

He didn't know if he wished you were dead or if he was even happy to see you right in front of him. His emotions were completely bursting him from the inside.

You took his hand away from your face.

"Then leave me in this grave! What do you want to hear? What will satisfy you, Joel? I'll tell you what you want!"

"I want the fucking truth!"

"I left because I protected you! All this... WE went too far."

You remembered that one evening perfectly. His naked, warm body lay next to you. He hugged you from behind, burying his face in your neck, your hands tightly intertwined. He thought you were asleep when he softly murmured in your ear, "I think I might love you...".

But you weren't sleeping. And you didn't sleep for a minute that night. You didn't name what happened between you. Just two people trying to survive the situation they found themselves in. You were partners, and behind the apartment door you gave each other a semblance of normality.

Love wasn't safe. Love meant reckless behavior and too much attachment, and therefore - the pain of loss. You didn't want to experience this and you didn't want it to happen to Joel.

"Bullshit!" he hissed.

"We made a mistake! We were too close!" you finally stood up for yourself, your voice was strong as you blurted out everything that had been inside you for so long. "I couldn't let you go through the same thing again!"

"What the hell are you talking about?!"

"I know how you suffered after losing Sarah! I didn't want you to..."

"How dare you hide behind her back?!" Joel roared in fury, pointing his finger at you. “She didn't leave me! They took her away, she had no choice! Unlike you! Fucking coward!”

"Yes! I'm a coward! Because I loved you, idiot! And that scared me more and more!"

He looked at you angrily. His eyebrows were furrowed and his jaw was clenched. You both breathed deeply, feeling all the uncomfortable emotions coursing through your veins. Even though many words were exchanged between you, you weren't happy with this result.

Eventually you came to the conclusion that it was pointless. Jackson was pointless. You shouldn't have come to town at all. Nothing good could happen to you.

"I'm leaving tomorrow." you said, breaking the menacing silence between you. “You won't have to look at me anymore.”

"Nothing new. Y/N, Master of Running-From-Problems." Joel sneered.

"Yeah, whatever you want." resignation was audible in your voice, you slowly started to back away, thinking about getting back to your room. "I hope you find someone who will be a better person than me. You deserve it."

"Maybe, but I want you."

You didn't even have a second to react. His warm large hands cupped your face and your lips collided in a hard kiss. In an instant you broke into a thousand pieces. His tongue slipped between your lips and drew a soft moan from you. Once again you felt a solid wall behind you, but it saved you from falling. His strong body pressed against yours and his thigh slipped between your legs.

You clearly felt the bulge in his jeans, which showed that this wasn't going to end well for you. You could handle it. You wanted to feel him inside you again too much to worry about the consequences at that moment.

“Joel…” you moaned as his lips moved down to your neck, kissing and biting gently, “Joel, please…”

One of his hands squeezed your breast tightly. If Joel Miller set out to destroy you, he was on the right track.

You owe him no debt. Your hand slid between your bodies and touched his bulge, now really hard. The lips came together again.

"Tell me you want me." he murmured, barely removing his lips from you, “Tell me.”

"More than life. I want you, Joel." you gasped.

That was enough. Without hesitation, he unbuttoned your jeans and slid them down your buttocks along with your panties. God! You were grateful for the cloudy night and the dark as hell alley. Joel turned you to face the wall, sliding his hand between your thighs. You sucked in a breath as fingers ran over your clit.

"So wet already?" his voice in your ear was as low and sultry as you remembered it, and now it turned you on even more.

He slid two fingers inside you, and your nails almost dug into the side of the building. You were trapped between him and that fucking wall as his fingers moved inside you so shamelessly. And suddenly they just disappeared.

You tried turning your head slightly and saw Joel unbuttoning his jeans and freeing his hard cock. The fingers that were inside you a moment ago slid up his shaft, leaving a mixture of your juices and his precum on it.

You didn't talk. One look from him was enough for you and you knew exactly what he wanted. You knew him so well it was like you lived under his skin.

He entered you from behind in one smooth and powerful movement, and your breath stopped in your lungs. This sudden feeling stopped you both for a moment. You still fit together perfectly, in every way.

His hands on your hips tightened and didn't let go even as Joel began to move slowly.

Another dirty moan escaped your throat.

"Shhh, baby. We don't want anyone to hear us, do we?"

You nodded, but how could you be quiet as he pounded into you harder and faster. All those days without you, all the anger and frustration, was released in the way Joel fucked you and... It was amazing.

You felt him right behind you. Quick breathing right next to your ear. You started clenching around him tighter and tighter. So many days without him and it only took you a moment to cum.

"Come on, baby. I feel you." groaned Joel. “Give it to me. I'm right behind you.”

It was like a lightning strike. The air left your lungs and your muscles tensed in a pleasant shiver. Joel picked up the pace and after a while he pulled out and you felt him spill onto your buttocks.

You both stood still, gasping for breath.

"Wait."

He slipped on his pants and took a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped your bottom with it. He helped you get dressed because your hands and legs were still shaking a little.

"It was unexpected." you said hesitantly, "But nice."

"Yeah. Pretty nice." Joel replied, looking at you carefully.

"Just like the good old days."

"Yeah."

You began to hear the sounds of people talking as they left the bar and headed home. Soon someone could be passing through your hideout. Joel seemed to think the same thing.

“Listen, Y/N.” he started, walking closer to you. “Stay. If not for me, then for your own peace of mind. Jackson is a safe place. I'd rather know you're safe.”

"I'll consider it." you replied, smiling slightly. “I might like this place.”

"For sure. What happened..."

"I missed you, Joel." you blurted out without thinking, "I missed you from the first step out the door. Every day I wanted to come back, but I was more and more afraid. I was sure you wouldn't want me back."

"I was mad at you, but it didn't change anything. I still love you, Y/N. And now... It's like we got a second chance. That's rare."

"So I guess we're lucky."

"Fucking lucky bastards."

You laughed softly and Joel smiled. It was his favorite music.

"Stay."

"I will."

And you stayed. Because despite everything, it was easier to go through this mess together than to try to survive alone.

☆☆☆

Thank you for your time.

[lamentationsofalonelypotato]

Chapter 1: You Shouldn't Have Answered The Door

Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!reader, Reader POV

Summary: When the reader left Payback 40 years ago after a falling out with her childhood best friend she never looked back, but when two men show up to her apartment and start asking her questions about the past, the reader begins to think those things can’t stay hidden and starts to question what’s real and what’s fantasy.  This is a re-telling of The Boys Season 3, where the reader is a supe who's known Soldier Boy since 1927. The chapters will fluctuate between past and present. This is chapter one of my "You Call It Madness But I Call It Love" series. (I'm so bad at summaries please forgive me!)

Word Count: 3.6K

Warnings: References to sex, Cursing (once or twice), Soldier Boy might be, is, really, absolutely, a little OOC,

Note: This is told from Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is minimal use of y/n. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!

Internal Monologue is in first person and is in italics

Main Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Chapter 2

Present Day

Your head rests against your forearms on your desk, jerking upwards as a loud rhythmic knocking assaults the front door of your apartment.

What?

You think to yourself, rubbing your face with your hands. Your sketchpad was laid open on your desk beneath your head, the rough sketch of an egret bowing its head along the bank of a small pond splayed over the page in shades of gray. It would be the first in your new series of nature paintings that you would be unveiling in a month.

At least I didn't poke my eye out with the pencil. You think eyeing the sharpened point of the pencil that was dangerously close to your face a few seconds ago.

You turn your wrist to glance at your watch and note the time. It was an antique, square faced and strung on a simple black band, a reminder of a past life that you couldn't bear to part with.

Who would come see me at 8:00 am on a Monday?

For a minute you try to remember if you'd received a call from the curator of the gallery downtown, or if there had been a meeting or a lunch with your agent to discuss your next installment of work, but nothing comes to mind.

When you officially retired from being a hero you decided to become a full time artist, a hobby you had since you were a child. You hadn't expected it explode. You had enough money from your heroing career to live several lifetimes, not unwelcome given the fact that you couldn't die, not in the traditional sense at least, so art was supposed to just be a way for you to off steam. But you were happy with your life now, a lot happier than you had been when you were a hero on Payback. The thought of your previous employment with Vought sours in your mouth followed by the unavoidable thought of Ben that you push down with a well practiced sigh.

You didn't feel like reliving all that over again right now, though you knew it would probably happen later. It came in waves, especially at night when you found it difficult to sleep, the melatonin wasn't working, and all you really wanted was a hard drink.

Sobriety sucked.

The knocking persists, rattling around in your head like a bee trying to get out of a plastic cup.

"Fine. I'm coming." You shout standing up from your desk and making your way from the wall that serves as your studio towards the front door of your apartment, while trying to rub away the line the page made on your cheek.

Your apartment was the one extravagance you allowed yourself. Despite the amount of money you had, flashing it had never been a priority even in your hero days. The apartment was open concept with exposed brick walls, tall North facing windows that angled away from the inside and jutted outward over a raised wooden floored area that served as your studio. A large modern kitchen sat just to the right of the front door with stainless steel appliances, on another wall a tv hung above a leather couch and held a dark hallway that lead to your bedroom and the guest bedroom, the other walls were covered in your work, and the final wall held several bookshelves with art supplies and your vinyl record collection. A collection you started forever ago and that continued to grow with each passing year.

Need to get another bookshelf. You note looking at the limited space that remained.

You look through the peep hole in the solid metal apartment door. A tall dark haired man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a black duster and a thin younger guy with brown curly hair stare back at you.

"I don't want to buy any girl scout cookies." You shout through the heavy metal of the door.

The younger guy snorts.

"y/f/n y/l/n?" The dark haired man asks an accent tilting the ends of his words.

"Who's asking?"

He pulls out a badge, holding it up to the peep hole. "I'm Agent Butcher, this is Agent Campbell. We’re from the CIA, here to ask you a couple of questions about Soldier Boy."

At the mention of Ben's hero name you pause. You had avoided thinking about your former best friend as much as possible over the past forty years. Your relationship with Ben was complicated, the final few days you spent together even more complicated than the early years.

It hurt to compare what your life with him was like before you both became supes to the life you had together after. You had grown up together, forced into close proximity because your parents were friends and then became best friends yourselves. You stayed friends, before you both got injected with Compound V and a few years later moved on to Payback together. You were the only person able to keep Ben in check and as violent as his temper was, he didn't like to cross you. You were the only person who knew the real him, had been with him longer than anyone else. Not that he ever admitted that to you or admitted that he cared about you, but you thought somewhere deep down that he had to, felt at least something for you.

That was the problem. You were in love with him, cared deeply about him, cared more about him than anyone else you'd ever had in your life. On the night you finally slept together you were happy, you thought he felt the same way, and then the next day at his premiere you found him in the bathroom with Countess bent over a sink. The fight that followed had been your resignation from Payback and also the reason why you weren't there when Ben died.

Your jaw clenches together at the memory, followed by guilt. You were always there for him, you had his back just as he had yours, but the one time you hadn't been there-

You open the door to look at them. "The singer?"

"What?" Agent Butcher looks confused.

"The artist? Soulja Boy-" You arch a brow feigning confusion. "Because honestly I don't understand why the CIA would be asking me about that."

“No.” Agent Butcher holds up a photo.

You keep your face impassive. It’s a photo of Ben and you at a movie premiere the week before he left to go to Nicaragua. Both of you were standing in your supe suits, your own was a sleeveless black one piece suit with purple embellishments that traced from the sides of your ankles and stretched up under your armpits, while a dark hood covered your head and a black mask hid the bottom of your face. You always thought you looked more like a supervillain in it, but you were thankful that it hid your identity. It was so long ago, but you still remember that night clearly. The ridiculous movie, the afterparty where everyone was so tipsy and the smell of alcohol burned against your nose, and finally when you went to the bathroom and found Ben and Countess together, the immeasurable rage followed by heartbreak that you felt when you saw them.  Not to mention the fight that followed when Ben trampled all over your heart and stated that you meant nothing to him.

“You’re here to talk to me about my mom?” You flit your eyes back to the two men standing in the doorway, easily slipping into the lie that you and Legend invented.

“Your mom?” Agent Campbell looks confused.

“Yeah. Indigo? I mean y’all can come in if you want-“ You open the door wider, understanding that they won't leave, before you begin to move towards the kitchen. “I apologize in advance. I’m not quite myself, I was up late working.” You pause halfway into the kitchen. “I’m going to make some coffee, you guys want some?” You eye the man in the black coat. "Or tea?"

“Coffee is fine."

You find the coffee filters and shuffle through the cupboards to find a bag of coffee, still trying to wake up. Staying up late wasn't unusual for you. You tended to find the urge to create in the wee hours of the morning, not to mention everything that happened in the past kept you up.

You open the bag of coffee to smell the grounds, thinking that it will wake you up, but as soon as you do the smell of Agent Butcher and Agent Campbell washes over you.

You could smell the compound V in their veins pumping through their bodies with every beat of their hearts.

So, they're supes. You think to yourself, pouring the grounds into the coffeemaker. Which means they probably aren't from the CIA.

Despite the realization, you weren't worried. Your particular ability was a well-kept secret, a secret that only Ben knew despite you being on Payback. Stan Edgar and the others had believed that "Indigo," the hero name assigned to you, had enhanced strength and senses, but it was more than that. You had an ability that, if brought to the public, would probably land you in a government facility. Laying low had it's perks, your freedom was one of them.

You watch them begin to walk around your living room examining the artifacts of your new life, the one you crafted when everything fell apart. There wasn't anything in the living room to arouse suspicion that you were the original Indigo. The only remnants of your past life that remained were in a wooden trunk at the back of your walk in closet, hidden behind a collection of paint splattered overalls almost identical to the pair you were wearing right now.

"You've got a nice place." The younger guy says looking around.

"Thanks. It's rent controlled. I got lucky-" You fiddle with the coffeemaker to buy yourself some time.

Why were they here to ask me about Ben? It had been 40 years, hardly seems relevant now. And why were they pretending to be CIA?

"You're an artist?" Agent Butcher asks, staring at the canvas sitting on an easel by your desk. It was a collection of multicolored dark greens that swirled together, flecked with pieces of gold that shone in the brilliant sunlight from the wall of windows where your studio was.

"Yeah. And I tend to paint my best at night. Hence the coffee" You turn, placing your hands on the island to face the two men.

“You’re really good.” Agent Campbell says examining some of the canvases on the wall.

“Thanks.”

“So your mum eh?” Agent Butcher turns to look at you. You note the smirk on his face and incredulous raising of his brow.

He doesn't believe me. Hard not to. I don't age.

“Yes?” You raise an eyebrow to challenge him

“You look a lot like her.”

“Thanks. I think there’s a compliment in there somewhere.” You look from Butcher to the younger guy who has moved on to look at your vinyl collection. "And I'm pretty sure that most kids look like their parents. But I'm not a geneticist."

"NO WAY! You have a signed copy of Billy Joel's Glass House!" Agent Campbell shouts holding up the vinyl cover in awe.

"Yeah." You can't help but smile at his enthusiasm.

"How did you-“

"Hughie." Agent Butcher sighs.

The younger guy now identified as Hughie puts the record back with a frown, before turning back to the collection.

“But you have the same name.” Agent Butcher's eyes flit to yours.

“She named me after herself. I’m sure the CIA can locate my birth certificate."

“Right.” Agent Butcher smiles, but it’s tight lipped.

You stand there for another minute looking from Agent Butcher to Hughie, trying to think of why they're here. "So what do you want to know?”

“Well is your mum around-“

You allow your shoulders to droop and take in a shaky breath. "She died about a year ago. Cancer."

They weren't the first to come here and accuse you of being Indigo. Legend and you had come up with the farce to protect you, help you start over, but you hadn't wanted to part with your name. So other precautions were put in place: a funeral plot was purchased and a death certificate was issued as was a fake passport, I.D, and birth certificate that made you thirty two rather than over one hundred.

“Really? I thought Indigo-“ It’s enough to make Hughie turn around and look at you.

“Don’t read everything Vought says." You interrupt. "That experimental shit they put in her veins may have made her powerful, but it couldn’t protect her from that.” You sigh again to sell the lie, before turning to the coffee maker, to pour them and yourself a cup. "There should be some milk in there, sugar's in the bowl." You gesture to the refrigerator and the small blown glass sugar bowl on the counter next to the coffee maker.

Hughie moves into the kitchen to pour himself a cup, but Agent Butcher continues to eye you suspiciously.

“It wasn’t in the news.” He grunts.

“They covered it up pretty well. I mean do you blame them? One of the first supes gets killed by something like cancer. Can’t be good for Vought given they pride themselves on showcasing unstoppable heroes. I mean can you imagine if Homelander or Queen Maeve died of something like cancer? Doesn’t look good.” You shrug your shoulders and take a sip from the coffee in your hands. “What did you want to talk to her about?”

“Soldier Boy.” Butcher moves to the coffeemaker and it takes a strong amount of willpower to stop the urge to turn towards him, but you know that you need to act indifferent.

“Did she talk to you at all about him?” Hughie moves to one of the bar stools on the opposite side of the island with his coffee in front of him.

“Yeah.” You look down at the mug with a sigh, rolling the warm glass between your hands. “He really did a number on her. Plus towards the end she started seeing him everywhere."

The emotion that you summon is not fake. You allow a small amount to trickle over the dam you built to protect yourself from falling back into the pit you fell into when Ben broke your heart and then died. When you broke every piece of glass in your apartment and threw your couch through the wall.

“I’m so sorry for your loss.” Hughie looks sincere when he says it.

Why is someone like him hanging out with this guy? You think to yourself eyeing Agent Butcher again.

“It’s been hard. But I took care of her, sometimes it was only me. It’s kind of hard to restrain an 103 year old with super strength.” You smile to yourself at the joke.

“So you’re a supe?” Hughie takes a sip from his coffee mug.

“No I was just able to talk her down. Guess that first batch of Compound V doesn’t work the same way. Never transferred. Plus my dad wasn’t a supe so maybe it just diluted.” You shrug, the lies weaving easily through the air. 

“But she did talk to you about him?” Agent Butcher presses. He's leaning against the counter to your left.

“Yeah.”

“And?”

“I mean what do you want to hear? There’s a lot.” The mug sends a pleasant warmth through your hands as you hold it, but does little to stop the chill of the past from creeping up your spine.

“Start at the beginning.”

“Well.” You take another sip of coffee. “I don’t know details-details but- I just know that she grew up with him, they were from the same neighborhood in Philadelphia.  All that shit they made up about Soldier Boy being from a poor family was just propaganda. His dad owned half the steel mills in the state of Pennsylvania. Used to invest in property with my grandfather. Soldier Boy and my mom were friends. When he got the Compound V shot, she did too. They were looking for female and male volunteers. I think he asked her to? Or-“ You shrug your shoulders to push away the memory of the day Ben told you about the experiments. When he told you he was finally going to make something of himself and convinced you to go with him.

“They were dating?” Agent Butcher asks.

The question makes you pause. It was difficult to think about that, difficult to relive the memories of Ben continuing to push you away and his final refusal to admit he loved you. Ben never did say that to you. You had been through so much together, so many years as friends and then after the night you finally were together he threw you away like you meant nothing.

“No, but he really hurt her-“ You avoid their gaze.

“What did he do?” Hughie asks leaning forward on the counter.

“They had been through a lot together and I think when their friendship began to transfer to relationship he pushed her away. My mother said something about him refusing to admit he loved her. I think the last straw when she caught him with Countess.”

“Do you know anything about how he died?”

The memory of the phone call strikes you in the chest, when Stan Edgar himself called to tell you Ben was dead. When the darkness swallowed you whole and all you felt was guilt and heart break over the fight you had and how you left him alone when he needed you most.

“It hurt my mother a lot. Broke her. She never really got over him, no one was good enough, not even my dad. She drove him away too and then it was just us.”

“Was she there when Soldier Boy died?” Hughie spins the coffee mug in his hands.

“No. She left Payback  before that mission. It was right after she caught Countess and him together.” You force a shrug. “I think she regretted not being there. She was almost as indestructible as him, but I think she felt worse because they had a big fight right before.”

“So she didn’t know about Nicaragua or the thing that killed him?” Agent Butcher raises an eyebrow.

You cock your head to the side feigning confusion. “What are you talking about? Soldier Boy got vaporized in a nuclear explosion.”

“Well I think we’ve wasted enough of your time.”

They get up to leave.

“Wait-“

 Agent Butcher turns to look at you. 

“Why are you asking me about him? It's been what? Forty years since he died-"

"That's classified love. Thank you for your time."

You watch them leave, but listen to them as they walk down the hallway.

“So do you believe her?” Hughie’s voice echoes in your ears.

“Not a bit. Maybe we trail her for a day. See if she really is an artist." Agent Butcher grunts. "At least until we go to Russia."

Russia? Why would they go to Russia?

You stand there for a second, holding the coffee mug in your hands. As you do the memories of the past 90 years wash across your mind, breaking through the damn that you built to protect yourself.

You were friends for years. You loved him since the moment you met. There were good times before the serum and then the bad, when he got famous and you were there to keep him in check. Sure you may have annoyed him, but he liked that about you, that you were able to bring him back from the edge. The day you finally had sex you remembered it, it was special, or you thought it was. You were excited that finally he loved you as much as you loved him. But then it all fell apart. That fight hadn’t been pretty. When you left him you felt yourself begin to slip, you didn’t eat or drink for days and when you finally got the phone call you thought it was him trying to apologize, but it was Stan.

You think again about Russia and finally your mind drifts to Countess.

She was the one that said that the Russians killed Ben, she saw it happen, saw his body get taken away-

Your jaw clenches together in anger and frustration as you remember the last time you saw her, when she taunted you and you almost ripped off her head. You never heard it directly from her that Ben was dead, only heard it from Stan. Of course the ridiculous funeral for Ben that you were expected to go to would mean that you saw her, but you hadn't gone, didn't want to keep up the charade. Instead you went to Philadelphia and walked the streets aimlessly with a bottle of whiskey in your hand, remembering what it was like when you were kids. Sometimes you think it all would have been different if you never got the injection, if you said no when he showed up in your bedroom and asked you to come with him. He was your oldest friend. The only real person you'd ever loved or cared about. The memory of the fight rings in your ears but you push it down.

You think again about Countess.  She was the reason why Ben and you had the fight. The reason you weren't there in Nicaragua. Regret spikes in your chest. You should have been there that day, should have tried to save him. You always had each others backs and the one time you weren't there he died.

Maybe it was time to pay her a visit.

Thank you for reading! If you'd like to be added to the taglist for this series let me know :)

Taglist: @roseblue373

[d1g1tal-d1ary]

Part 2 of my addicted!Simon headcanon!!

Price always had a lot going on; being the Captain of a Task Force demanded a lot of time, energy and most of all - nerves.

So when one of the nurses on base had pulled him aside and said that she suspected someone stealing Morphine, all he did was nod and call in a meeting. Luckily, everyone had obliged to giving him a urine sample to let it be tested for drugs.

What no one seemed to notice was Simon's eyes staring into nothingness as all he did was pray that his heavy heart wouldn't give his covers away. His head was spinning because he searched for a way out of this - there had to be a way he didn't have to take it. And suddenly his mind started to wander off to you; the only one who'd met him without knowing he was Ghost. The only one who knew he had a problem - a fucking big one right now - and the only one who understood him was you.

One hand tightly gripping the little cup, the other one knocking loudly on your door. He didn't hesitate when the door opened; he simply pushed it open and walked into your tiny apartment.

"Simon?" you asked with a frown plastered on your face. You hadn't expected him - of course you hadn't so all you were wearing was one of your cute pyjamas you avoided to wear around him normally. "Is everything okay?"

"I messed up," was all that came across his lips with a heavy sigh. When his gaze met yours, all he could do was put the cup on your kitchen table and point at it. "I need your help."

You stepped closer and eyed the little cup and when you realized what exactly he'd asked you to do, you shook your head. "No, I'm not helping you fake a drugtest."

"Please, luvie," his eyes studied your face - he reduced the distance between you two quickly and took your face into his rough and calloused hands. "I'll never ask anythin' of you ever again. Just let me keep my job, fuck- it's the only thing that's been keeping me sane all this time."

Of course your heart sank when you heard his pleading and even more so when you looked up at him and you could see the desperation in his blue eyes. After moments had passed - which felt like years for Simon - you'd finally nodded and given in to him.

"I knew you'd understand," he whispered and pecked your lips before letting you go take the drugtest.

You'd never felt so dirty in your life. Pissing into a little cup while Simon waited impatiently outside the bathroom made you feel greedy and so, so worthless. But if you were being honest; there was nothing you wouldn't do for Simon. Of course you weren't supporting his addiction - that was the main reason you had broken up, after all. But he was your Simon. The closest you'll ever get to finding unconditional love.

A few days after Simon had given the sample to Price - he'd been the last to hand it over - the test results finally came. And Price would never doubt his team; they'd done everything together for years at this point, but he could also imagine one of his soldiers having an addiction as it was nothing new.

To his surprise and relief, all the test results came back negative. But looking at Simon's results made him frown - or more so, all he could do was huff at the result.

"You wanted to speak to me?" Simon had stepped into Price's office; not even thinking that it could have anything to do with the drugtest as he knew you hadn't taken any.

Price's eyes never left Simon's form. He watched him intensly as he took the seat across from Price's desk. "Yeah, well, the results came back and since you're L.T., I thought you'd deserve to know before everyone else."

Simon hummed in response while leaning back, silently thanking you again.

"Luckily, everyone's negative," Price announced which made Simon even more relaxed. "But.. The Lab was a bit confused and thought something went wrong as Simon Riley's clearly a male name."

"Captain, I don't think I can follow you," Simon had frowned under his balaclava.

Price barked a bitter laugh as he looked at the Lieutnant in front of him. "They found the hormone Beta-hCG in your piss. You wanna know what that means?"

All Simon could do was nod; unaware of what's to come.

"The fuckin' piss is from someone who's pregnant," Price lowly said. "So now we not only know this wasn't your piss, but I think you two would've been smart enough to know we‘d find out. So, Riley, should I say congratultions?"

Y‘all wanna read part 3???!!! 🙏😭

[rodolfoparras]

Cw: 18+, single dad Price, top Male reader, one night stand, age gap, widower! Price

Summary: In which Price happens to hook up with his son’s boyfriend

Thinking about single dad Price who’s been single for many years but gets encouraged by his friends to try the dating scene. After finding no luck on dating apps, he tries going to a gay bar.

At first it's the same old story, men who just want him for the night, not much different from the men from the dating apps and he’s just about to give up when you show up.

He hadn’t planned to talk to you at first and you hadn't even tried to approach him but you had gotten your drinks mixed up and thus a conversation started up.

From the low light of the bar he could see that you were much younger than him, and for a second Price thought about cutting this conversation short because Price knew boys like you, boys who thought they could take on the world boys who didn’t even know what they really want.

But he didn’t want to cut the conversation short, and found himself intrigued by you. Besides you’re the only normal person that approached him tonight so why not?

The two of you spoke about anything and everything under the sun. He had even let it slip that he was a single dad who hasn’t been in the dating scene in a while but you didn’t seem to mind it at all, only giving him a soft smile in response as you continued to listen to him.

But every word exchanged, every time your gazes met, every accidental graze and touch Price had realized you were just his type.

And suddenly Price wanted you in a way he hasn’t wanted anyone since his late wife passed.

But you didn’t seem that much interested in having sex, instead you continued to sit with him at the bar, and talk to him.

Price thought it must’ve been because of his age, why would you want to hook up with an old man anyway?

But if Price has learned anything from the dating scene it’s that sometimes you have to take the first step and see where it leads you.

So he downed his drink, cleared his throat, and asked you if you’d like to come home with him.

You’d been surprised at first not expecting those words and Price almost took your hesitance for rejection but you quickly spoke up again, ending any doubts in his head, and only asking if he’s sure about it

Price felt heat creeping up his neck, ears and cheeks but nodded eagerly, pants growing tighter as the two of you walked to his apartment.

When he first stepped foot inside he thought you’d push him up against the wall rip his clothes off and crash your lips onto his, truth be told if you were to do that he wouldn’t mind it but instead you hung your jacket up and put your shoes to the side and looked around the apartment , with a curious look in your eyes.

Price tried to scramble his brain for something to say. It had been so long since he brought someone home, he didn’t know what he was supposed to say anymore but all of sudden his thoughts are cut off by the sound of your voice “Is that a picture of you in the army?”

“Hm? Oh yeah” Price nodded in response as you inspected one of the pictures hung on the wall.

It had been one he’d taken with the rest of tf141, a keepsake for when he went into retirement.

“You were a captain?” You said, voice full of wonder as you continued to inspect the picture.

“Been plenty of things kid, I spent many years in the army” Price shrugged in response and walked closer to you, so that your shoulders were brushing up against each other.

“I always wanted to enlist but never passed the physical test,”

"Yeah?" Well it’s not all what it’s cut up to be, I got a bad knee and ptsd from the years spent serving”

“I’m sorry” you said, and turned to meet his gaze.

“Don’t be,”

Your gaze dropped down to his lips, as your arms snuk around his waist

“Price,”

“John” he corrected and leaned further into your embrace.

“John, can I kiss you?” You said, hand cupping his cheek and stroking flushed skin.

“Please” before he knew of it you crashed your lips onto his and he lost himself in the feeling of finally being kissed, in the way you tasted, the way your sweet cologne engulfed his senses, the way you licked into his mouth as if trying to memorize every nook and cranny.

It didn’t take much before you were stumbling into his dark bedroom, but instead of ripping the clothes off of his body you were gentle as ever as you slipped pieces of clothing off of him, all while trailing kisses all over his skin.

But it didn’t end there because you were gentle as ever as you pushed him onto the bed, and ever so careful as you crawled up the mattress and pinned him down under your weight and Price couldn’t help the butterflies that swarmed his stomach.

You spent the night taking him apart with your hands and mouth, having him perched on your lap as he worked himself up and down on your cock, or having him sobbing into the sheets as you fucked him into the bed that his wife and him used to sleep in, even having him screaming -crying enough to make him worry that the neighbors’ would complain in the morning.

When he woke up the next day you weren’t with him in bed but you had left a sticky note saying you had to rush home for whatever reason.

Luckily you had left your number on it but Price didn’t have the courage to call.

Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months and he’d forgotten about the young man that had given him the world in just one night until one day you showed up at his front door and introduced yourself as his son’s boyfriend.

[kenziebluex]

Bite

♫ Troye Sivan - Bite

Sanemi Shinazugawa - Kinktober 2024 Day 7 - Bitemarks & Virgin

Story Description: Reader & Sanemi have been together for over 6 months now and the sexual tension is high. A revelation on their very first day together surprised her: Sanemi was a virgin. But this fact did not shock her, given his reserved and cautious nature.

However, what did catch her off guard was discovering his love for biting.

Tags: Virgin Sanemi, Sexual Tension, Biting, Bitemarks, Experienced Reader, Established Relationship, Oral Sex, Coming Untouched, and Hickeys

Dating Sanemi was just as you expected…

You couldn’t help but be infatuated with the 5’10 man with white hair and scars on his face since the day you saw him on a Friday evening. As the months passed, you found yourself unable to stop thinking about him, which was unusual for you as infatuations were typically short-lived.

You met him at a social gathering organized by your friend Tengen, who had three wives: Makio, Suma, and Hinatsuru. Initially, you couldn't comprehend how someone could have three wives, but when you met them, you were surprised to see how well they fit together. 

Over time, you grew closer to each of Tengen's wives and became good friends with Tengen himself. However, you hadn't realized that Tengen was very persistent, and once he considered someone his friend, it was difficult to avoid his planned activities. 

One evening, you found yourself at Tengen's flashy gathering without any excuses to get out of it, especially after Tengen showed up at your house with a newly bought emerald green dress, which you knew meant you couldn't reject him. 

“I have someone I want you to meet.” Tengen said excitedly while throwing shoes for you to try on while you multitasked straightening your hair. When you looked to Tengens standard you headed to the gathering. 

✿✿✿

To your surprise, Tengen introduced you to Sanemi Shinazugawa, the man who fit all your criteria for a type. It was clear that Tengen knew exactly what he was doing, which led you to playfully punch him in the arm.

“Nice to meet you.” you blushed while outstretching your hand to shake his. Ignoring Tengen’s laughter from beside you.

“I've heard so much about you, nice to meet you too.” Sanemi chuckled while shaking your hand. He looked as flustered as you were playing it off by asking if you would like anything to drink.

“Thanks, I'll take anything fruity.” with a nod and promise he’d be right back he walked to the bar area in the house. As Sanemi went to get the drinks, you couldn't help but notice Tengen and Makio's amusement and their gestures of approval. Annoyed, you threw up your middle finger at them before moving to sit on the nearby couch.

It wasn’t long before Sanemi came back to sitting with you with two drinks in hand. 

“Thank you.” you said feeling flustered again after glancing up at him. You don’t know what about the man was making you nervous but you were.

“No problem. I heard you are in university. What’s your major?” he asked genuinely, looking interested in what you had to say. You were grateful for him carrying the conversation and after a few minutes the conversation started to flow naturally. 

As the evening progressed, you found that you had a lot in common and enjoyed Sanemi's dry humor and jokes. As the night went on, you and Sanemi grew closer, engaging in deep conversation and laughter. The crowd around you dissipated, yet you were content to keep talking to him, feeling at ease in his presence.

Throughout the night, you two were getting closer and closer. He went from sitting a good distance from you on the sofa to you practically sitting on his lap with his hand on one of your legs, but still respectful. You were sitting on the couch as if you've known each other for years. It was one of the first times in a while that you actually enjoyed someone's company.

“There's no way in a fight you would choose a sword over a gun??!” you said shocked at his answer to the made up scenario you made up in your head. That led to you two laughing while smiling at each other.

“I think I would make an amazing sword fighter, I got the speed down.” he said in defense.

“What speed? It’s a gun.” you said through your laughter.

“Okay, maybe I would choose the gun.” Sanemi agreed after giving it further thought.

You smiled at him while shaking your head. After composing yourself, you noticed he was staring at you with an intense look in his eyes. You smiled nervously at him, which snapped him out of it.

“Sorry, you’re just really beautiful.” he said, leaning back from you a little bit. He seemed nervous now and he practically whispered that last statement. You couldn’t help but reach up to his face.

You don't know what came over you, but you lightly touched his face, turning him back towards you. Giving him a chance to remove your hand, he didn't, which caused you to lean forward, gently placing your lips to his. He let out a gasp at first, but after a few seconds, he leaned more into the kiss. You noticed he shifted so he was closer to you, and now you were fully in his lap.

You noticed that something was off and you pulled back to look at him.

“I’ve never…” he started to say, causing your eyes to go wide. “Oh my god, sorry.” you whispered embarrassed as you started to move to get off his lap.

“Wait” he said loudly, looking worried while holding your hand.

“I mean no you don't have to stop, I just have never done this before. I've never made out with anyone before.” he whispered, leaning on your shoulder. 

"Oh, that's okay. I just wasn’t expecting that. So, you're a virgin?" you said after giving him a quick kiss on his lip. The kiss seemed to have lightened the mood and he looked relieved that you weren’t trying to move off of him. 

"Yes, I'm also demisexual." Sanami said, shying away a little bit. He hated having to explain to people what it meant and before now, he hadn’t taken any interest in anyone before. It confuses him that in a short time he’s known you and he already feels a strong emotional connection. 

"Don’t be nervous, I don't mind. One of my close friends from back home is also demisexual, so I know what that means," you assured him. Looking around, you finally remembered you were at a gathering. You noticed that everyone was practically gone and Tengen and his wives were cleaning up the mess that was left behind. Suma glanced over at you and smiled. You could tell they were trying to give you privacy and making themselves busy by straightening up. 

Tengen, Makio, Suma, and Hinatsuru knew that one of your biggest concerns with going to parties was being left alone, so they were making themselves visible and keeping an eye on you in their own home. You couldn’t help but smile.

“We should probably leave so they can get some rest.” you said still leaning on Sanemi’s arm not wanting to move from his lap. 

“Okay, but not before I get your number.” he said brushing your hair from in front of your face. It took you guys 15 more minutes before you two were able to move after you gave him your number. You made sure to give Tengen a hug and a big thank you when you walked out with Sanemi that night.

For the 100th time tonight, you couldn’t stop the smile from forming on your face.

You've been dating Sanemi for 6 months now, and the time seems to fly by. Sanemi has been a great boyfriend. You two constantly hit it off, and you're still surprised at how much you have in common. 

His quick, dry humor is a gust of fresh energy, and you love his straightforward, passionate personality. You have a thing for passionate, hot-headed men. Watching Sanemi argue with his friends when you go out turns you on, and Sanemi is aware of that. He loves to see your reaction when he starts up a small argument.

His friends are used to his personality, and they love him for it just like you do. He and his best friend, Obanai, always seem to be disagreeing over something, leading to an unserious argument. Mitsuri always seems to be the one to calm them down, and by "them" I mean Obanai.

Tonight has been difficult for you. 

Before you two came out tonight Sanemi came over and you found yourself laying on your bed with him laying on top of you. You guys made out for almost 30 minutes before he got up pulling you up with him saying you guys had a bar to go to with his friends. 

You let him pick out what you are wearing tonight knowing he loves to choose your outfit. He picked out a burgundy dress that you haven't worn in awhile because it’s a little on the short side for you. The dress matched his shirt he was wearing so you thought nothing of it at the time.

Now you understand why he picked this dress. But this isn’t the first time this has happened. It isn’t hard to say you were beyond sexually frustrated. 

If you didn’t have a complex for hot headed men you would have developed one by now with how you always ended up going out after you were extremely turned on. Halfway through the night you realized Sanemi knew what he was doing to you. He kept brushing up against you by “accident” and his hands seemed to have wandered far up your leg a few times tonight.You couldn’t control yourself, you felt extremely hot and you needed him.

"Babe," you hiss into his ear, your breath hot and heavy with desire as his hands explore higher up your thigh. You both know that any higher and you'll be risking public indecency, but at this moment, you don't care. All you want is him.

“Yes baby.” he said looking you in the eyes. You almost didn’t recognize the look in his face. You knew you were turned on but seeing him, he looked even more turned on than you. 

“Let's go home.” you said tugging on the sleeve of his shirt but not moving yet. You were leaving the decision up to him.

“Okay.” he whispered

✿✿✿

We entered the apartment, and I could feel my heart beating fast. I was nervous, but when I glanced up at Sanemi, I felt more relaxed. He decided that we should head to the bedroom, and his hands would not leave my side as we walked into the room. 

As I closed the door behind us, I couldn't help but wonder where the night might lead. Sanemi and I sat down on the bed, and I couldn't stop my hands from roaming his chest after we started making out.

"Sanemi." you moaned, burying your face into the pillow as his lips trailed down your neck, igniting a fire within you. Your body trembled in anticipation, unsure of how far he wanted to take things tonight.

"Just tell me if I'm doing something wrong," he whispered against your skin, his hands hovering nervously over your body.

With a bold move, you took one of his hands and placed it on your breast, relishing in the groan that escaped his lips as he squeezed. You could feel his hardness pressing against your thigh, driving you to move and grind against him.

"Wait, babe," you managed to gasp out before he cut you off with a passionate kiss. As he pulled back for air, his gaze landed on your neck and you couldn't help but wonder what was going through his mind. Before you could ask, he spoke.

"If I do something that you don't like, tell me to stop. Okay?" His words were both a statement and a question, and in your state of extreme arousal, you nodded eagerly. There wasn't anything he could do that would turn you off right now.

And then he proved you right.

Without warning, his teeth sunk into your skin, eliciting a loud moan from your lips. He continued to bite and suck at different spots on your neck, creating a beautiful mix of pain and pleasure that had you begging for more.

"S-Sanemi," you cried out, trying to stay still so he could continue. The tears streaming down your face only added to the intensity of the moment. 

His biting became even more intense as you pleaded with him, and you couldn't help but grind against him harder in response. There was an insatiable hunger between you two. 

You felt his teeth graze the lower part of your neck causing a string of gasp to leave your mouth.

"Please," you whimpered, as if it was the only word you knew. Your hips move wildly against his in an attempt to intensify the sensation. This beautiful back and forth between pain and pleasure is driving you wild. 

You gasp again as his bites become more intense and another tear falls from your eye. "I need you, please." You're practically grinding into him now, unable to control your body.

As if sensing your desperate need, Sanemi shifted down your body, pulling up your dress and sliding your underwear off. His gaze flickered uncertainty towards you for a moment, but you remained still, encouraging him with a nod and a gentle stroke through his hair.

Grasping onto his hair, you guided him lower until his lips were pressed against your core. The intensity of his stare sent shivers down your spine as he eagerly began to please you. A sharp gasp escaped your lips as pleasure surged through your body.

Sanemi relentlessly explored your body, teasing and tasting every inch with his lips and tongue. As he reached your core, he bit down on your clit while simultaneously sucking hard, sending waves of intense pleasure through you. Your hands instinctively grabbed onto his hair, pulling and tugging as the sensations became overwhelming.

He had no specific technique, but the way he sucked on your clit made your back arch and moans escape from your parted lips. It was a wild and passionate sensation that was bringing you closer and closer towards an intense climax. 

"I'm about to cum...fuck." The words tumbled from your mouth as cusses fell from his. You moaned loudly as you reached your peak.

After releasing your grip on his hair, he pulled away gently, pressing kisses along your quivering body.

When you glanced over at him, ready to return the favor, you saw that he had also reached his own climax while pleasuring you. A wet spot was visible on his pants as proof.

Blushing slightly, Sanemi kicked off his pants and joined you in bed, curling up next to you with a contented sigh. 

"Thank you for trusting me." he murmured into your neck as sleep began to overtake both of you, spent and satisfied after such an intense session. That would be the last thing on your mind before drifting off into a peaceful slumber, eagerly anticipating what tomorrow may bring for the two of you.

As soon as you opened your eyes in the morning, you were taken aback by the sight that greeted you when you stepped into the bathroom. 

Your hand flew to your neck, feeling the tender skin and tracing over red marks that varied in size and intensity. Each one varies in intensity from a dusky pink to a dark crimson. 

Curiosity getting the better of you, you leaned in closer to inspect what you were seeing. There was no denying it – there were bite marks. Multiple bite marks. They were clearly visible on your otherwise unblemished skin.

Unable to contain your shock, you woke up Sanemi and showed him the evidence. He responded with a cocky smirk before breaking into a mischievous grin.

“The right side of your neck looks a little bare now, we should fix that.”

taglist: @nousija @kanamethekasugaicrow @beetusbritt @bright-sunshines

-des

[cupids-chamber]

WHERE Y/N SUGGESTS THAT they should move dorms because of their living situation in a dorm meeting..

And everyone starts fighting over who's dorm they should join.

GENDER NEUTRAL READER — REQUESTED BY ANON

The meeting started relatively calmly, the dorm leaders discussing small changes and plans, everything you'd expect on a typical dorm leader meeting, you had gotten used to such an environments, over the few times you had came to these meetings. You expected nothing out the norm to happen, .. when you brought that up.. Surely nothing would have happened right? well that's what you had thought. As the meeting was about to end, you chirped in "I was thinking of swapping dorms.. Ramnshackle isn't in the best condition."

Out of all the outcomes, you hadn't expected everyone to stare at you dumbfoundedly, the silence was awkward and unsettling, as the room was lively moments before you brought up the subject, Riddle was the first to break the silence "What dorm were you planning on moving into?" the question left you thinking, you answered with whatever came to mind "I actually didn't decide, any that's open to take me, would be fine!" you've heard that students could change their dorms during the start of, or the end of the year.. so it would have been a bit difficult changing at such an awkward time, but you'd appreciate if any dorm was open!

"Well Heartslabyul is always an option, you can control Ace and Deuce rather we—" Riddle couldn't finish, when Vil chirmed in "Don't be ridiculous Rosehearts, Potato would prefer it here in Pomefiore!" Riddle was about to open his mouth again, when Malleus popped in "Well, Child of a man is always welcome, here in Diasomnia." "Hey! No! Herbivore, would like it here in Savanaclaw!" Leona yelled out, agitated at the fact that Malleus, offered you room before him. "Well perfect is always welcome at Scarabia too" Kalim chirped in, as a light chuckle escaped his mouth, he probably found this scenario slightly playful, Idia's mic turned on, as he stated "W-well perfect can always join us if they want too!", he shut his mic off immediately afterwards, that's when Azul popped in, "Well Octavinelle is always open for new members"..

You stood slightly away from the mini crowd, you had a bad feeling about this.. At least you can move to a dorm of your liking?.. That's what you had hoped for.. Yet your fellow dorm leaders haven't stopped arguing for over 15 minutes by now, "Like the perfect would enjoy staying in a dorm like yours!" Vil commented, "What was that supposed to mean?!?!" Leona exclaimed.. 'I should stop this' the thought rang across your head, but you were a magicless student, and you did not want to deal with this in any way. You had hoped this would end soon, "Well I don't think the perfect would like to memorize over 800 rules!" Kalim stated, rather innocently to Riddle, who was fuming all over by the scenario at hand...

It wasn't until Azul chirped in and said that "Let's calm down and be civilized about this matter... After all.. it is the perfect's choice.." as if things weren't already going south, all attention was placed back towards you, everyone's gaze looked vicious... that or you were worried about the consequences of your decision.. even Kalim, who was usually and up to this point calm and cheerful was staring at you sternly..

"So... which dorm would you like to go too... y/n.." Riddle said the words, in a rather gentle voice... a huge contrast to his facial expression... Silence filled the room, as you thought over your choices in your head.. 'Is it late to back out now..' you thought, wishing you had kept a dorm in mind, rather then saying you didn't know which one to choose... "I'd like to go too _______" ....

© cupids-chamber, do not repost, plagiarize, translate, or adapt my work without prior permission and or confirmation.

[hatosaur]

it's pretty implied that ellie never came out to joel in the proper sense. she lets him assume that she's into men, gives him the false satisfaction of "seeing" her "crush" on jesse, does not correct him. she's fairly confident in being gay in public for others to see and having others close to her know; so why not correct him? why dodge the topic?

was it out of fear? could it be that she never broached the topic despite being close to him in the early years because of the possibility of his reaction being negative? that she was afraid that out of all things that could force them apart (further apart after they split), him reacting badly to her being gay would be the worst?

what about at the dance? would she have been as wound up as she was if the moment hadn't been an encounter with a vicious homophobe? maybe she would've still snapped without this context, but why is she immediately on the defensive against joel after he sticks up for her?

what about the porch scene? why did she refute his question of dina being her girlfriend so insecurely, looking away, nervously and quietly stumbling over words? why isn't she mean about it? why doesn't she get defensive at the question? why did she lash out again when he expressed acceptance?

i think these scenes revolving around her queerness indicate it as such; that ellie never told joel for fear of a response, that she lets him think what he wants because that's the easiest way for it to be. then, when she's ready to face off against a homophobe, because that's the way things are, that's what she can expect, and joel defends her, she lashes out.

it's such a clear juxtaposition of support and hatred between joel and seth, and being faced with joel's acceptance is too much, makes her turn to the anger she'd been holding onto and reinforce what she thinks is true -- that she doesn't need him. and in the fallout, as her regret dawns on her, so too does the realization; he was protecting her, like always, without hesitation, over this thing she was always afraid he wouldn't accept her for.

in the porch scene, joel chooses his words wisely, and asks if dina is her girlfriend -- not "so you're gay?" or "why did you never tell me?" or "how long has this been a thing?" -- with such a casuality that it seems to throw her off. it's like ellie can hardly get the words out. she refutes the idea, fumbles for each following part of her response, is tense. she wasn't prepared for the question.

and when he finally asserts his support for her, in as explicit terms as he can, you can see ellie become emotional, touched for a moment but overcome, before she launches into the defensive again, exactly like at the dance scene -- meeting his kindness with hostility as a way to cope with her emotions.

and then, in response to her basically saying her life doesn't matter, he affirms that it does.

so he's now affirmed two things that ellie has doubted: that he accepts her being a lesbian, and that her life matters. a conflation of the two, in ellie's mind, may have come after; and after that, her olive branch.

and yeah, him affirming these things for her is fully in the context of his overwhelming parental love for her and her complex feelings about being the cure, but within a queer subtext, it means more. it's such a familiar thing to slink around loved ones and hide being gay/queer for fear of any type of response, and lying by omission in conversation just to keep that state of peace, of normalcy. ellie, with all her brutishness and bravery, falls into it like anyone else, because even while mad at him, she valued that response from him.

a lot of people seem to think that the approach to ellie's queerness is nonchalant, that it's just some unrelated thing about her, but i think that it holds more weight in the narrative that what is explicitly spelled out. it's subtle but it was a deliberate choice to place her queerness at the center of the confrontation. i think that's why ellie's relationship with dina took center stage in the story, and why so much time is devoted to just them -- because her being queer matters to her character, but in a way that perhaps only a queer person can see, analyze, and appreciate (without being blatant enough to anger certain other fans).