#“I don't believe in god - all powerful - creator of heaven and earth - maker of evil and storms - castrator of willpower”

[immediatebreakfast]

"God grant that we may be guided aright, and that He will deign to watch over my husband and those dear to us both, and who are in such deadly peril. As for me, I am not worthy in His sight. Alas! I am unclean to His eyes, and shall be until He may deign to let me stand forth in His sight as one of those who have not incurred His wrath."

Mina...

Mina what the fuck are you talking about?

God doesn't deserve you Mina. It doesn't.

God doesn't deserve to dangle the promise of eternal peace to you. All righteous fearing woman capable of running towards ancient evil to save your dear friend. Insessant, and intelligent fiend who is all kind towards her love, and loved him with all of her might when he was not himself.

Don't blame yourself for the assault, and never think that you are guilty for not having the means to stop it. Mina can't tell herself "if I had been better" she can't. How many times must she torture herself with thoughts of hellfire that are so close in her mind, yet far in reality.

Mina tells that she is not worthy of His sight when god should grovel at her feet for forgiveness. How dare He to make her suffer like this. Mina is not a Martyr nor a Saint. She is not Saint Inés calling for the sword to fall so she can be freed, nor Saint Águeda screaming in joy as she finally died.

Mina's suffering is not holy, it's human. It's so human that it hurts to read. How were her ambitions in life greedy to incur god's wrath upon her? Why must she become another footnote on Dracula's horrible quest for power? (Why was Lucy not saved? Why?)

Mina is losing hope in herself when she is the most strong. She can't let herself become comfortable at the idea of a violent end if it means to be seen in god's light again. Mina can't become suicidal to beg and pray to the being that abandoned her in her most traumatic moments.

Mina may think that she doesn't deserve god, but it's god that doesn't deserve Mina.