#‘you spend too much money’ um well im basically buying all my food and clothes myself now not to mention gas and other personal needs like Tumblr posts

[joestarfucker420]

Dad: I’m mad that you don’t have enough money for college

Shit dog me too do you wanna maybe help out then instead of yelling at me over the phone?

[cheollies]

Rent A Boyfriend!Joshua

the gentleman types. the boy you’d bring to your family gatherings to show off just how sweet he is to you. extra services include him performing a little acoustic guitar or even playing the cute clueless American foreigner.

this wasn’t his ideal job but what can he do,he was a broke college student and decided why not

sure, it wasn’t the ideal job but heck, he’s

come to enjoy free food, free gaming, and making money

But most of all, he enjoyed his new coworkers and friends.

Joshua has become to be known as the ‘sweetheart’ of the company

he helps clean up, helps organize clothing, buys round of coffees and take out on busy holidays, bought everyone amazing and personal Christmas gifts

everyone in the building just adores this man

he’s really just the sweetest thing ever

his whole profile and persona doesn’t stray from his own personality which is probably why he’s one of the most popular and busiest of all the boys

his schedule is often packed from breakfast dates to brunch outings to family dinners and sometimes to some late-night clubbing

It’s safe to say that he makes bank

sometimes it gets to the point where people must actually be put on a waiting list

valentine’s week is a struggle for the company because suddenly everyone wants a piece of Joshua

‘wow look at you mister popular. Stealing all our clients’ hisses Jiangshan who’s been off work for two days now because he hasn’t gotten request in a while

‘I’m positive you’ll get clients soon, keep

your head up.’

‘STOP BEING SO POSITIVE. IT’S HARD TO BE MEAN TO YOU WHEN YOU’RE NICE’

Joshua prefers simple dates, like maybe a park date or something cute like window shopping

but he never gets those dates, nah he’s so high profile that he gets the fancier jobs

ones where people are in suits and ties, and there’s small talk, and champagne

he really thinks these jobs would be better for Jeonghan, but he doesn’t really like turning clients down, so he sticks through it

he also travels a lot

because he gets clients from the high end of the spectrum, sometimes his dates insist on traveling to foreign countries

brings back souvenirs for the guys

they all get so damn excited like

Hansol: I GOT A SNOWGLOBE FROM NORWAY

Soonyoung: LOOK AT THIS KEYCHAIN

Jihoon: wow I got a postcard

They always wait for Joshua with big eyes when he comes back from trips (who’s the real dad of this group)

Met you on the job

you were actually one of his clients

you see, you actually found out about this from your one self proclaimed best guy friend Seungkwan

and he’s always like ‘if you ever just want a fake date, just call this number and request for me.’

you kind of laugh because when would you ever need a fake date

cue to weeks later when you’re invited to a huge family gathering and lo and behold, remember that ass of a boyfriend you had months ago, looks like he’s snagged a new partner that just happens to be your cousins

what an ass indeed

you knew it would be utterly embarrassing for you to see him again without some person attached to your hip

you spent hours literally stressing over the entire thing until you rammed into your desk corner by accident and in the midst of cursing and screaming in pain, you spot Seungkwan’s work card on the ground

‘um, hi, I’m calling to request Boo Seungkwan for a date next Saturday afternoon’

It was so painfully awkward requesting your own friend for a fake date, but you really had no other choice

cue a week later, on the day of the family event, you get a very hasty call from Seungkwan apologizing about how his work decided to switch around the schedules

‘WHAT DO YOU MEAN I’M GETTING SOMEONE ELSE. BOO SEUNGKWAN’

‘IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY. I’M NOT IN CHARGE OF SCHEDULING I PROMISE I’LL MAKE IT UP TO YOU’

‘I CAN’T JUST GO ON A DATE WITH A RANDOM GUY. SEUNGKWAN!’

‘I have to go now, I have work but trust me, you’ll love Joshua. He’s a professional’

‘SEUNGKWAN’

At about half passed noon is when your door bell rings. You’re adjusting your earring when you open the door to greet this mystery man

and when you open the door, your hand lets go of the earring because damn this boy was beautiful

‘you dropped your earring’

Even his voice sounded like heaven is what you think before you sheepishly pick up the earring

Joshua was so pretty, you couldn’t stop staring. Even in the cab you kept taking glances at him.

Even though the whole event was casual, he dressed in a blue and white stripped button up tucked into black jeans with a nice jacket on his shoulders, and damn he still looked so good

‘Seungkwan says you and him are friends’ Joshua initiates conversation

In the thirty-minute ride, it began with small talk, to stories of seungkwan, to work, then school, and suddenly laughter and smiles began to build between you two

‘well, time to enter the hellhole’ you say with your arm linked around Joshua’s

But while you were talking you know what he was doing, he was staring at you, at your lips moving, the cute tip of your nose, the light blush on your cheeks, he was marveled by your soft touch, your voice

Everyone, and I mean everyone is so captivated by Joshua the moment he steps into the large home.

All the aunts, grandmas, and mothers become attracted to the sweet boy that they all end up telling you what a catch of a guy he is

Everyone is literally swooning seeing Joshua fix your hair, or seeing him feed you some fruits he had gotten, and it really makes people’s hearts melt when they see Joshua taking his jacket off to drape over the front of your dress when you sit down

The best part of it all, seeing your ex get infuriated when Joshua comes over and pecks your cheeks, his hand on your shoulder with a big smile on his face while he holds out his other hand at your ex ‘hi, I’m Joshua.’

‘did you see his face. He looked like he was going to kill you’ you were laughing into the night air

Joshua couldn’t help but laugh along with your contagious laughter

You and Joshua ended up walking around before ending the night

‘also, I think your aunt might have hit on me in front of her husband’

You broke out into more laughter, your palm pressed against your mouth, your other hand clenched onto the fabric of Joshua’s shirt

‘cute’ that’s what Joshua thinks when he’s with you

‘did you just call me cute’

‘DID I SAY THAT OUT LOUD’

you begin to laugh even more than ever, and Joshua can’t help but laugh with you once again because now he’s so embarrassed

after a while, your shoulders are bumping against Joshua’s in the night air, a shy smile on your lips before you whisper, ‘I think you’re cute too’

boom, now you and Joshua are a thing and cue Seungkwan saying it was his plan all along because he wants to be called a matchmaker

Joshua’s the ‘sweetheart’ of the company, well now you two are the ‘sweetheart’ couple because when you meet Joshua at his work, you always bring snacks or freshly baked cookies for everyone working and everyone’s just like

‘Joshua’s literally dating an angel’

Also, it was like three months into the relationship that you discovered Joshua was a giant weeb and he got all embarrassed and blushy like ‘nah no that’s not mine’ but then you come out as a giant weeb and now you two have weeb nights together

When he goes on trips, he tries to take you on with so you two can spend some couple time together

It took him two months to move passed the hand holding and onto the kiss because he’s so shy about it and didn’t want to do it without your permission

so, when he was going to kiss you he asked if he could kiss you and you didn’t say anything because you close the distance for him

you’re so sweet like Joshua that the guys don’t have the heart to tease you since you’re so nice

also, you’re parents and extended family, still believe the fake meeting story you guys told at the party so you two basically must keep up the lie because it’ll be really awkward now

‘it isn’t fair that your birthday is five days after Christmas’

Joshua chuckles into your neck while you two are lying in bed, ‘I can’t change my birthday’

‘what do you want for your birthday’

‘anything from you is fine’

You pout ‘you said that about your Christmas gift!’

So, you spent weeks planning the surprise, it was going to be a huge party

Okay it wasn’t your planning, it was more of the boys wanting a really big party that combined Christmas, Joshua’s birthday, and a new year’s theme

And the result, the entire company building of floor one was covered in balloons, someone had gotten a live DJ, there was a large banner with Joshua’s face on it, it really was over the top

‘where are we going’ Joshua holds onto your hands as you led the blindfolded man into the building

‘alright, you can take it off now’

‘SURPRISE’ screams friends, family, and coworkers

A cake is brought out in the process of Joshua trying to comprehend everything, especially the large banner with his picture on it

His face is lit up the entire time he listens to the whole building sing Happy birthday

And he squeezes your hand when he blows out his candles, he looks at you with such fondness that you know just means that he’s so thankful for everything

Then suddenly everyone begins to cheer, ‘kiss, kiss, kiss’

Joshua’s blushing so much when you lean up into him, pressing your soft lips onto his in front of everyone

Everyone cheers, the DJ starts up and the partying begins

But Joshua stays connect to you, nose touching as he whispers, ‘I love you so much’ against your lips.

[cannedapricot]

Baking Christmas Cookies with! Lai Guanlin

christmas collab with @alliwannado-w1 and @jihoonslattee!! make sure to check their special christmas scenarios out when they’re posted!

ah, christmas

the season of giving

children laughing and giggling 

the feeling of rolling around in snow with loved ones

basically what i’m trying to say is,

chirisTMAS IS A HOOT EVERY YEAR

NO SCHOOL

NO ANNOYING CLASSMATES

NO NOTHING

the only awkward thing you’d have to deal with is greeting the relatives who you didn’t know even existed until christmas

“oh my gosh!! y/n you’ve grown so much!!!”

mind: um do i know you 

mouth: “haha yeah”

relatives would start streaming into your house from december the first

those relatives were the ones who /really/ got into the christmas spirit

you know

the type that puts their tree up straight after halloween 

as more relatives come, you’d be forced into sharing a bedroom with your parents because,

“soz your aunt is coming over with her whole family

??????

ok fine :c

you just hope that her five kids won’t ruin your framed jbj poster

on the last day of school, you were ready to leg it

you and your friends had made plans to pig out and eat discounted christmas cakes for the evening 

so there you were in class

staring at the clock every other second

as your teacher drones on and on about staying safe during the holiday season

which is very important please do stay safe guys

and as soon as the bell rang, you and your friends dash towards the door and out into the hallway

everything was going smoothly

you had nearly made it out of the school 

UNTIL

you feel a tug on the back of your shirt

and yoU COULDN’T MOVE ANYMORE

YOU WERE GONNA BURST

LOOK THE CAKE STORE HAD A CRAZY SALE AND THOSE CAKES WERE WAITING FOR NO ONE

AND SO YOU TURN AROUND,

“HEY MATE LOOK I’M A LITTLE BUSY-”

“are you going to be around this evening”

“SO IF YOU COULD KINDLY LET GO- oh hi guanlin”

das right

you turn around to find the basketball team’s star player and ‘ideal guy’ of your school, lai guanlin

“of course i’m gonna be around i live there”

you reply with an eye roll

hm why was guanlin heading over to your house?

get ready for a long ride kid

well, your parents are super close with his parents thanks to some complicated events

and your parents, being the jolly people they are, invite the lais to spend christmas over at your house every year

there was a room in house especially saved for their family???

a majority of guanlin’s winter clothes were in that room because he knOWS THAT HE’LL BE THERE AT THE END OF THE YEAR

if he runs out of hoodies or smt

he’d text you to bring him one tomorrow

and you guys meet in the janitor’s closet

lMAO WHAT KINDA SHADY DEAL Y’ALL DOING BACK THERE 👀👀👀

guanlin’s friend and other hot basketballer, yoo seonho caught you two once

he followed guanlin one time because he was curious 

look this boy waS SURE AS HELL NOT HEADING TOWARDS THE BATHROOM 

and he busted you two in the closet with you holding his hoodie 

and he was like

oooooOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH I SEE ;)))) 

*finger guns while moonwalking away*

it took a lot of persuading to get seonho to not say anything

y’all bought him a month’s worth of lunch rip wallet

what’s worse was the time the whole school thought you two were dating

you had run out of sweaters and complained to your mom about it

she pulled out this jacket outta no where and figured it was yours

it had your school’s logo on it you see

and you didn’t think twice and wore it to school

bUT TURNS OUT

IT WAS THE BASKETBALL TEAM’S VARSITY JACKET

AND GUANLIN HAD MENTIONED SOMETHING ABOUT HIS VARSITY JACKET GONE MISSING A FEW DAYS AGO

YOU TWO WERE THE HOT TOPIC OF THE SCHOOL

RIP YOU

it died down after a few weeks though

you had made some excuse of finding it on your desk and thinking it was yoo seonho’s (who you pretended to be /really/ close with)

guanlin played along with this excuse

seonho was just,,,,,

;))))))))))))))))

“DON’T”

“i’m ;) not ;) saying ;) anything ;)”

THIS BITCJ

the relationship between you and guanlin was like a ‘summer fling’

except

it wasn’t summer and it wasn’t a romantic fling

like

y’all would be super close during the holiday season 

due to the fact that you two were the only high schoolers there lol

but as soon as school starts again

y’all back to strangers

the first time it happened you were shocked :ccc

you thought that perhaps guanlin was too embarrassed to be caught hanging out with you

considering he was at the top of the food chain after all

you’re used to it now lol

sure, guanlin was tall and hot and whatnot 

but uh

seeing him in ugly sweaters and playing board games with him every year kinda ruins the way you see him

especially since he destroys you at monopoly every year bduSDVU HOW DARE-

“aiight i’ll be coming over tonight”

“gotcha”

HONESTLY IF ANYONE HEARD THIS CONVO WITHOUT CONTEXT YOU AND GUANLIN ARE GONNA BE TALK OF THE SCHOOL AGAIN LOL

“HEY Y/N IF YOU DON’T HURRY UP WE’RE GONNA LEAVE WITHOUT YOU”

guanlin lets you go with a snap of his wrist

he let go so suddenly that you fall to the ground lol

guanlin pretends to not notice and heads towards his squad lmAO

“OKOKOK IM COMING OK DONT L E A V E”

you scramble up and towards your friends

that evening, you return home with a full stomach and your arms full with different boxes of cakes

man the cake shop adventure was a blast

you get surrounded by your baby cousins almost immediately lol

after you basically get robbed by them,

guanlin appears with a pouty face

you know, that face he made when the pink sausages were being cute together ikcydkfkd

“you said you’d be here”

“i????am????here?????”

“i meANT EARLIER”

oh

“YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH THE CHILDREN ABUSED ME :CCCC”

wow what a turn from your convo together at school

he’s adorable

WOWZAS HOLD UP Y/N NO ROMANTIC THOUGHTS ABOUT YOUR PARENT’S FRIEND’S SON WHO HAPPENS TO BE THE HOT STAR BASKETBALL PLAYER AT SCHOOL >:(

you push the thoughts away as his parents come to greet you

in no time, you fell into the rhythm of seeing guanlin everyday

you had to tbh, he’d force you awake every morning by playing shitty christmas carol remixes and singing along to them

“aLL i waNt fOr cHRIStmas iS yOUUuuUuUuuuUU”

“SHUT UP YOU DIRTY TOENAIL” 

FLINGS PILLOW

LETS OUT DOLPHIN SCREECH IN RESPONSE

it was cold and you just wanted to sleep in :’’’’c

you can’t believe this dumbass is the same guy from school who everyone except seonho lol thinks is a model

you and guanlin were basically joined by the hip everyday

“oh hey y/n can you swoop by the store and buy some milk?”

“sure buT CAN GUANLIN COME????”

“YEAH CAN I COME???”

but he’d wear a mask in case someone from school shows up at the store

on the way home, he saw you rub your hands together and realized that you weren’t wearing gloves

anD BEING THE SWEET, SWEET BOY HE IS

HE TAKES YOUR HAND IN HIS GLOVED ONE AND SHOVES IT INTO THE POCKET OF HIS JACKET

IM NOT CRYING YOU ARE

you stare at him

he suddenly finds a wall interesting

but he didn’t let go of your hand 

even though it was in his pocket already

you thought he was just being a gentleman you know he is and trying to keep your hand as warm as possible

BUTTTTTTTTT

YOU DON’T SEE HIS FACE SLOWLY GLOWING RED

my scenarios would be so much simpler if y’all juST KNOW ABOUT EACH OTHER’S CRUSH UGH

come christmas eve, the adults were like,

“we’re gonna take the kids out to see the parade and then go carolling, we all know that you two don’t want to join us!! so bake the cookies pls lol ok bye have fun”

it was a thing every year to bake cookies and leave them for santa

usually anything that had to do with food was the adults’ duty

bUT THIS YEAR THEY DEEMED YOU TWO MATURE ENOUGH TO MAKE COOKIES WITHOUT BURNING THE HOUSE DOWN

you two acted like the babies there but ok

“so,,,, wanna get started?”

“hell no lmao lets marathon show me the money”

best believe that’s exactly what you two did

until you realize it’s been hours since they’ve left

anD THEY COULD COME HOME ANY MINUTE

SO IN PANIC YOU CHUCK THE TV REMOTE AWAY FROM GUANLIN WHO WAS READY TO PULL UP ANOTHER EPISODE

“BRO WYD”

“BRO WE NEED TO START ON THE COOKIES UNLESS YOU WANT TO GET BEATEN UP BY THE CHILDREN AGAIN”

“BRO U RIGHT”

guanlin steps over the sofa with his damned long legs

“you’re so extra man”

guanlin squints his eyes at you skeptically

you were literally rolling over the sofa

“who’s the extra one again?”

you huff because shit hes right you’re even more extra than he is

guanlin pulls out the recipe left for you two while you grab what you were 100% sure that you two would need

a bowel? check

flour? check

chocolate chips? oh they’re in the pantry-

NOT ANYMORE

GUANLIN’S GOT THEM

AND HE’S S N A C K I N G ON THEM

you, an intellectual, run up and try to take them away

but guanlin raises them above his head

this boy’s a giant

anD HE KNOWS THAT

he sends you a shit eating grin as you attempt to take the packet by jumping lol

in the end, you punch him in the stomach

and as he doubles over in pain, snatch the chocolate away

how to deal with tall people 101 by yours truly

you run back to the kitchen, choco chips in hand

WHILE LAUGHING LIKE A CHILD SMH Y/N

and guanlin, claiming you cheated, ran after you

“SAFE!!!”

you scream, reaching the kitchen

turning around, you were ready to tease guanlin about his loss

but he was right in front of you

there was only a tiny distance between your bodies

BOY HE WAS CLOSE

“yoU KNOW WHAT,,,,,, HAVE THE CHOCOLATE CHIPS DAMMIT”

YOU TURN YOUR BACK TO HIM, FLUSTERED

guanlin smiled as you chucked him the sweet treat

not at the chocolate but at how adorable you were

“i’ll leave enough for the cookies don’t worry!!”

he did alright

there was an average of two chips per cookie

it’s :) ok :))

it’ll :))) have :)))) to :))))) do :))))))

guanlin was off to the side licking off the left over batter from the bowl

>:( this boy didn’t do shit but eat and stir the batter

you were stuck with measuring and making sure that they don’t fail >:(

siGHS

you shove the cookies into the oven and squat in front of it for a while, making sure that it was baking for sure

until you feel something hit your back

snapping your head back in shock, you see guanlin with the bag of flour in his arms

HIS LAUGHING FACE SAID IT ALL

“okAY JUST BECAUSE WE DIDN’T HAVE A SNOWBALL FIGHT THIS YEAR DOESN’T MEAN YOU CAN-”

whoops theres another handful of flour 

that hit your face

upon seeing this, guanlin doubles over in laughter

“ALRIGHT YOU ASKED FOR THIS”

you picked up the ingredient closest to you and threw it in guanlin’s direction

it just happened to be an egg

IT HIT HIS ARM AND CRACKED

IT WAS NOW YOUR TURN TO LAUGH

“Y/N!!! I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU DID THAT!!! THIS JUMPER IS EXPENSIVE”

but it didn’t really matter how expensive that jumper is

it ended up covered in all sorts of things

and that’s how your kitchen floor ended up too

the playful handful of flour guanlin threw at you started a full on food fight

the kitchen was MESS but neither of you cared, you guys were waaAAAY too happy to care lma o

at one point y’all started to use spoons as catapults 

guanlin’s bag of flour seemed endless but you had run out of eggs

so you duck behind a counter and scan the kitchen for anything else you could use as ammo lol

your eyes landed on the butter but you hesitated for a second

A SECOND TOO LONG

GUANLIN DISCOVERERS YOUR HIDEOUT AND DUMPS THE REST OF THE FLOUR ON YOU

“GAME OVER”,

HE SCREECHES IN VICTORY

WHO KNEW YOUR SECOND OF HESITATION WOULD LEAD TO YOUR DOWNFALL

you scowl

“i let you win”

he scoffs

“you just don’t want to admit that i’m b e t t e r than you”

huFFS

YOU STAND UP, SLAMMING YOUR HANDS ON THE COUNTER

“thATS BECAUSE YOU AREN’T!!!!!!!!!”

he playfully puts his hands on the counter as well on the opposite side

“then tell me why i keep beating you at monopoly as well”

“i’m sENSITIVE DON’T BRING THAT U P”

“oh really?”

“Y E S”

“do you wanna have a go at beating me at connect four then?”

without noticing, the two of you had starting leaning towards each other over the counter

when you realize, your playful banter had ceased and you were staring into his eyes

and

shit

you realize at that moment that you were completely head over heels for him

your feelings for him had been building every winter leading up to his one

you had thought that they were completely platonic

but your burning face told you that they weren’t

you notice guanlin’s eyes looking down at your lips

and his adam’s apple going crazy

you gather up the little courage you had

leaned in 

and pressed a small kiss on his nose

guanlin’s head went blank

diD HIS CRUSH JUST-

you let out a small giggle and say,

“if you wanted to kiss me, you could’ve just done so”

“waIT WHAT DOES THIS MEAN???”

ur man is almost gonna faint gdi

“do yoU NEED ME TO PUT IT INTO WORDS? UGH I CAN’T BELIEVE I FELL FOR AN IDIOT”

guanlin’s lips raise into a smile

“you like me?”

“BOSUGBOURSB I’M TAKING IT BACK”

“doN’T! OK UH I LIKE YOU TOO DUMBASS”

“WAIT FOR REAL??”

you hop over the counter so there wasn’t anything between you and him

and guanlin lets out a smile bright enough to rival the sun

“yeah”

and with that, he brings you into a huge hug

and falls onto the couch with you in his arms

“guaNLIN WE’RE GONNA GET THE COUCH DIRTY”

“WHO CARES LMAO”

you snuggle against him

even though he was covered in egg lol

“hey guanlin, can i ask you something?”

“mhm?”

“why do you act like you don’t know me at school?”

“i-it’S A STUPID REASON”

“WHAT?????????”

“I THINK I’D BURST FROM AFFECTION FOR YOU IF I SAW YOU EVERY DAY FOR A YEAR”

“ARE YOU SERIOUS??”

you two were idiots

but you were idiots for each other

bonus: you two fell asleep in each other’s arms and the rest of the family came home just in time to save the cookies from burning

“i knEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN LOOK AT THAT M E S S”

no body heard that one aunt rant about the state the kitchen was in

everyone crowded around you and guanlin

cooing at your sleeping forms

“mom, are they gonna have kids???”

“uobaoBVODVBSO BILLY NO”

bonus x2: guanlin happily shows you off the next year at school

seonho the snake in this au made a bet with your friends and now your friends owe him a month’s lunch

bonus x3: you two share your official first kiss on new years hoW CUTE SVEFUDOS GOALS AMIRITE

y’all ready for christmas?? haVE A SPECIAL COLLAB SCENARIO THAT’S HAPPENING WITH IRIS AND CHI AKA TALENT IF IT WERE PEOPLE

guanlin may look chic and all at first but we all know he’s a actual child inside :’) i don’t think i did my boy justice with this au but i added my son seonho!! :’)

have a safe holiday and more christmas aus will be out very soon this week oops