#‘their fate is up to me’ and are THEY cool with that u hypocrite

[neixins]

maybe if zeno realized the folly of wanting to end the other dragons’ lives along with his own without ever asking them if that’s something they’d even want (which mirrors the injustice of the dragon gods not letting him die regardless of his wishes) i might be able to sympathize with him more. or whatever it was that jane austen said

[causenessus]

hi loveliness! (i’m calling you that now because it suits you) HOW ARE U?? good evening afternoon or morning! i hope you’ve been well and i hope you’ve eaten! tomorrow i’m driving back home and it’ll take like two days so my next checkup might be really early or really late (SORRY IN ADVANCE !!) but today i’m going to a concert so ill probably be back home really late and be tired asf LOL but im so excited for it !! i can’t wait to tell you about it tomorrow

IM SO PROUD OF YOU FOR EATING !! it makes me feel happy that i actually have an impact on your life ! ik some days get busy and long but it’s always good to eat and take care of yourself, heal the body and mind!! BAGELS ARE GOOD BUT MAKE SURE YOURE EATING ACTUAL MEALS! which i’m kind of a hypocrite because last night i had instant noodles for “dinner” kind of BUT BUT I HAD LIKE A BIG LATE LUNCH WITH MY FAMILY SO IT DOESNT COUNT !! i would consider that a snack even LOL but youuu! you! (points) make sure you eat actual meals love !! sorry this just reminds me of a story but i remember like one time i was late for school so i skipped breakfast but during class my stomach was like RUMBLING AND I WAS SO EMBARRASSED BECAUSE LIKE the teacher would be yap yap yapping and then suddenly you hear the most preposterous god awful sound (my stomach) and i had to pretend i didn’t wanna die right then and there LOL so definitely definitely eat or you’ll suffer the same fate as me </3(threateningly)(with love)(always with love)

PLS MY EARLY SHIFTS AND WEIRD DOUBLE SHIFTS ARE SO TERRIBLY FUNNY LOL but omg what do you do for work if you don’t mind me asking like do you build frames because THATS SO COOL women in stem moment LOL but omg i hope your finger is okay?? WHY IS SOMETHING HECTIC ALWAYS HAPPENING AT YOUR JOB this is like a total sitcom office type job scenarios right here but but omg omg mango anon on a plane?? flying over to ness?? mango anon and ness meetup?? (I WISH I COULD INSERT PHOTOS BUT WE WOULD BE LIKE THAT ONE MEME THATS LIKE the vibes me and gang bring to the function) no but literally i would definitely just trail around you at work like a dog like i would 100% have no idea what’s going on but i would just smile and nod and be happy just to be there LOL

YOU KNOW WHAT TECH DAYS IS REAL LIKE I WAS ALSO PART OF TECH LOL but i wasn’t like THAT type of tech in the crew i was the sounds person so id be more more background but omg soulmates? twin flames? tech crew gang??? i kinda miss tech days even though it was kind of toxic LOL like i remember my teacher was like ok practice with the cast goes until 6:30 but she kept us until like 8 like IS THAG EVEN LEGAL?? who knows though my high school was definitely not… not it (if you know what i mean)

THE LORE DROP IS CRAZY?? i get what you mean by the attachment issue thing because I GET IT I GET IT but like you’re such a likeable person like IDK YOURE JUST SO SWEET AND GENUINE ITS HARD NOT TO LIKE YOU(sorry if that sounds weird but to me it’s like)(i expect a LOT of people to like you because you radiate good energy and you’re always so sweet) BUT I GET IT AND PLS THE ICK FROM THE ATTACHMENT ISSUES?? i 100% get it because when i notice myself being too attached to someone im like okayyyyy okay mango anon back it up here back it uppp LOL because like i don’t wanna be so reliant on someone else so i always have to remind myself to chill a bit, BUT ID LOVE TO HEAR MORE ABOUT YOUR WORK AND DRAMATIC LOVE LIFE LIKE I LIVE FOR THE ROMCOMS!!

i hope tonight is a better night for you !! i hope it isn’t sucky again because you deserve the best :( I LOVE YOU TOO NESS SORRY I DIDNT KNOW WHERE TO PUT THIS PART BUT I <3 NESS thank u for always taking the time to answer these long long asks LOL but i really enjoy talking to you !! make sure you eat and take care of yourself and have a good day!! xoxoxo

AAAAAA PLEASE I AM CRYING OVER THE NAME /POS THANK YOU SO MUCH <3 i am okay!!! very brain dead and just peroifbbjk but it's okay!! and aa definitely do not worry about missing a few check ins but thank you for telling me so i don't get too sad and miss u without knowing what's going on </33 be safe driving back AND I HOPE YOUR CONCERT GOES WELL AND YOU HAVE LOTS OF FUN!!

BUT AAA thank you thank you </3 unfortunately i literally survived on almond butter bagels today but it was NOT my fault. like today was just not good lmaoaoao i ate breakfast and then drove home to eat lunch (first almond butter bagel) between classes and then had to go to work (i bought a random california roll or something on the way there that ig counts as well!!) but i literally got home at 10 pm and just could not be bothered to cook 😭😭😭 i've just been working this entire week and i work this weekend too so i'm just trying to get by!!!! i will take care of myself though BUT PLEASE THE WAY YOU DESCRIBED YOUR TEACHER YAPPING AND THEN THE PREPOSTEROUS SOUND 😭😭😭 I LAUGHED SO HARD it reminds me of this one time i was forced (idk how else to explain this but just trust me i had to??? LMAO) to eat carrots in my french class....BUT CARROTS ARE SO LOUD BRO I LITERALLY WANTED TO KMS EVERYTIME I BIT INTO THE CARROT LIKE I'M NOT GOING TO SAY ANYTHING ELSE BUT OMG BRO IT WAS A SILENT CLASSROOM AND THEN THERE'S ME CRYING EATING CARROTS LIKE A LITERAL RABBIT

but anway. AAA YES!! WOMEN IN STEM!! yes i build frames sometimes or we get them sent to my work and then i will actually frame things and cut glass and just put that all together it's very fun!! i've framed things like a real cool pixies poster, cool art, confiscated prison shanks, someone tried to get us to frame black coral (which it is highly illegal to be in possession of) so yk!!! maybe it's just a curse at my workplace!! i have NO idea wtf is wrong with my workplace but we could DEFINITELY BE A SITCOM SHOW LMAOO AND AAA OMG YES NESS AND MANGO ANON MEETUP!!! I WOULD LITERALLY CRY /POS AND JUMP WITH JOY PLEASE AND LITERALLY OMG YOU DID TECH TOO??????? AND YOU WERE SODIFIUHWLJBEKJRFLEPRIO;GWENK (you were sound except i keyboard smashed halfway through)

MANGO ANON. WE WERE MEANT TO BE. LITERAL SOULMATES I TELL YOU!!!! BC I MEAN IG IDK HOW OTHER DEPARTMENTS ARE BUT LIKE I FEEL LIKE YOU ALWAYS HAVE A LIGHT KID - SOUND KID DUO YK?????? AND THAT'S YOU AND ME AAAA THAT'S LITERALLY SO COOL THOUGH I ADMIRE SOUND PEOPLE SO MUCH BECAUSE IT'S JUST TOO MANY CABLES AND THINGS FOR ME TO KEEP TRACK OF I NEVER UNDERSTOOD IT 😭😭 but yes it is also such a toxic and dramatic environment like ALL the time okay another lore drop my junior year i was literally fighting for my life because basically i had just been passed the torch down from our goddess light board op senior (so i was now in charge of everything regarding lights and basically the light board op) BUT this sophomore with a superiority complex also wanted the job and would literally fight me for it like he DEMANDED to be head of lights once for this student directed play and he had been asked to do the show before me so he got first pick and i was like "i mean okay chill idrc" but the bad thing is he just did not know what he was doing 😭 and i tried to be nice and be like "hey. we can split the job. if you want to be board op for the play and musical that's chill. i'll do it for the other play." AND IDK WHY I WAS TRYING TO BE NICE THE ENTIRE DEPARTMENT HATED HIM AND LIKE I TOLD MY TECH DIRECTOR THE PLAN AND HE WAS LIKE "HELL NO I AM NOT LETTING THAT KID OPERATE THE BOARD YOU'RE DOING THAT" so i ended up being board op...the entire year which i don't feel bad about!! but that was like the biggest drama moment of my life and i'm still not over it i am typing in passionate rage rn can u tell /hj

BUT AAAA THANK YOU SO MUCH 😭😭😭 I REALLY REALLY APPRECIATE IT YOU'RE SO SWEET!! i always attract weird men unfortunately...i will spill this all to u mango anon do not worry your pretty head <3 maybe we'll start with skater boy tm (imagine i subscripted that i'm too lazy rn) or the boy who thought i liked him and asked me to homecoming....BUT YOU'RE LITERALLY SO SWEET AND CARING TOO I KNOW THAT YOU ARE LOVED BY SO MANY AS WELL!!! and honestly lots of people suck </3 so if they DON'T love you?? well that's an easy fix i'll just beat the life out of them <3 (said with love. for u. not those people. i promise i'm nice!!!)

AND THANK YOU FOR ALWAYS SENDING THESE LONG ASKS!! AND READING MY EVEN LONGER ANSWERS <3 tonight was okay!!! i hope you had a good day <3 and talking to you has DEFINITELY made it better so thank you and i love you so much as always mango anon <3 PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!! AND EAT AND DRINK LOTS OF WATER AND I HOPE YOU DON'T FEEL TOO SICK AS YOU DRIVE BACK HOME!!

[uwua3]

a3! as bts songs + lyrics

🌸🌻🍁❄️ all troupes

author’s note: i love bts ♡ if you don’t know who they are, they’re a famous k–pop group and their music means everything to me~ i definitely recommend checking them out! (p.s. some of the lyrics are put together from different verses)

sorry for the random post today even if you guys aren’t k–pop stans~ (i do notice the few bts accs that follow me though, let’s be friends!!!) (yes tsumugi & tasuku’s are meant tor each other)

🌸 SPRING 💗

1. SAKUMA SAKUYA

♡ EUPHORIA — love yourself ‘answer’

“You are the sunlight that rose again in my life / A reincarnation of my childhood dreams / I’m so happy, I can’t breathe / Across the dream, over the horizon / I’m going to a place that’s getting clearer / Take my hands now / You are the cause of my euphoria”

2. USUI MASUMI

♡ HOLD ME TIGHT — the most beautiful moment in life: young forever

“Look, I’m fair with everyone else but you / Now I can’t live a day without you / Do you trust me? / Please, please, please, pull me in and hug me”

3. MINAGI TSUZURU

♡ WAKE UP — wake up

“I won’t sleep anymore / I have to make my face and my body keep going to work / My pen is a sword, my body is a pistol / No matter how tired or sleepy I am / That morning won’t change, just keep going on and on and on”

4. CHIGASAKI ITARU

♡ TOMORROW — skool luv affair

“24/7 every moment repeats / My life is in between / Jobless twenty–somethings are afraid of tomorrow / It’s funny, you think anything is possible as a kid / When you feel how hard it is to get through a day / Keep downloading like the ‘Control’ beat, keep downloading it / Every single day is a repetition of Ctrl+C, Ctrl+V”

5. CITRON

♡ SEA — love yourself ‘her’

“I see ocean, I see desert / I see the world / Everything’s, the same thing / With a different name / It’s life again”

🌻 SUMMER 💛

6. SUMERAGI TENMA

♡ MY TIME — maps of the soul: 7

“Feels like I’ve become a grown–up faster than everyone else / My life has been a movie, all the time / The boy who found the world too big / ‘Cause everybody walks too fast / I’m a little kid grown up not knowing it (Like a child who got lost)”

7. RURIKAWA YUKI

♡ N.O. — O!RUL8,2?

“It’s either number one or failure / They trap us into borders, the adults / There’s no choice but to consent / Even if we think simply, it’s survival of the fittest”

8. MIYOSHI KAZUNARI

♡ WHALIEN 52 — the most beautiful moment in life pt. 2

“The world will never know / How sad I am / I became sick with worry, the sticker always beneath my ear / Never end... why is there never end and always hell? / As time goes by, it’s Neverland in a cold abyss!”

9. SAKISAKA MUKU

♡ INNER CHILD — map of the souls: 7

“It will be okay, because today’s me is doing fine / Yesterday’s you, now it’s all clear / I want to hug the many thorns in the budding roses / The smiling kid, the child who’s always laughing brightly / When I see you like that, I can’t help but smile / It tingles, that summer day’s air”

10. IKARUGA MISUMI

♡ ANPANMAN — love yourself ‘answer’

“I’ve dreamed of becoming a hero like Superman / I ran with all my strength, jumping high up in the sky / I’m not afraid of little things like bruising my knees / Innocent fantasies of my childhood”

🍁 AUTUMN 🧡

11. SETTSU BANRI

♡ NO MORE DREAM — 2 cool 4 skool

“But in reality, I don’t have any big dreams / Haha, I live an easy life / Even if I don’t dream, no one says anything / It’s a lie you’re such a liar / See me, see me, you’re a hypocrite / Why are you telling me to go another way? Do well yourself! / Don’t push others”

12. HYODO JUZA

♡ BLACK SWAN — maps of the soul: 7

“If this can no longer resonate / No longer makes my heart vibrate / Then like this may be how / I die my first death / But what if that moment’s right now?”

13. FUSHIMI OMI

♡ OUTRO: TEAR — love yourself ‘tear’

“The price that I had to pay came to me / If someone said they would turn back time for me / Would I have been able to be a bit more honest? / The bare face that only I know / The ugly and pathetic old friends within me / Would you still be able to love me again like before / With that smile with which you used look at me”

14. NANAO TAICHI

♡ AUTUMN LEAVES — the most beautiful moment in life pt. 2

“I only looked / With the autumn wind / Your words and expressions that become cold at some point / I can see that our relationship is fading / An empty relationship like the autumn sky / One leaf clinging to a branch / It’s shattering, I see the end”

15. FURUICHI SAKYO

♡ FIRST LOVE — wings

“Don’t worry even if I leave / You’ll do well on your own / I remember when I first met you / Before I knew it, you grew up / Though we are putting an end to our relationship / Don’t ever feel sorry for me / I will get to meet you again no matter what form / Greet me happily, then”

❄️ WINTER 💙

16. TSUKIOKA TSUMUGI

♡ FOR YOU — youth

“Today too, I feel the sadness of not being able to see you / Even if I feel insecure / I believe that my heart will not leave you / My heart will reach past beyond the wind / I am always under the same sky / Even if we are apart / Our hearts are connected to each other / Forever with you”

17. TAKOTO TASUKU

♡ CRYSTAL SNOW — face yourself

“Like snow piles up, I remember what you gave me / You gave me the courage to live / We met each other beyond all time / So now how do we do? Can we make it work?”

18. YUKISHIRO AZUMA

♡ MOON — maps of the soul: 7

“Everyone says I’m beautiful / But, my sea is black / You’re the one with flowers blooming / And the sky is blue / Suddenly, I wonder / If you’re looking at me right now? / Won’t you find out all my pain?”

19. ARISUGAWA HOMARE

♡ RAIN — dark&wild

“I brush back my hair with my exhausted hands / The memopad with the song I couldn’t complete last night / I’ll finish it today as I shut my eyes and let out a sigh / What excuse can I give? I try to make something up / It’s unfinished anyway so I’ll make anything up”

20. MIKAGE HISOKA

♡ THE TRUTH UNTOLD — love yourself ‘tear’

“It’s my fate / Don’t smile to me / Lie to me / Because I can’t get closer to you / There’s no name you can call me / You know that I can’t / Show you me / Give you me / I can’t show you a ruined part of myself / Once again, I put on a mask and go to see you”

[small-round-and-angry]

Selfish

Summary: Angie and Loki don’t talk about the future.

Or 

Loki is a very curious and worried boyfriend and Angie tries to be responsible about her very limited knowledge of what happens next.

Wordcount : 1403

Pairing: Loki x OFC

Warning : Possible bad writing? None, I guess. Feel free to send me an Ask so I can tag any triggers properly, but I wasn’t able to identify any.

A/N: For @dreamwritesimagines‘s Wrinting Challange! Thank you so much for giving me the motivation to finally flesh out this 3 year-old OC of mine! I feel like I just gave birth ;u; Also, I’m really rusty because it’s been a while since I wrote anythng that isn’t an essay for college, so yeah.

Prompt : Stop trying to save everyone.

_______________________________________________________

“Will you finally tell me why you can’t sleep?”

Well, shit. She should’ve known something was off from the moment he stayed on top of her after their bedtime activities were finished. Loki wasn’t exactly a touchy feely type of guy, but she wasn’t about to complain. Angie was a cuddler after all, and there was something special about having 200 pounds of pure god just resting on top of you.

“Is it because of the visions?” The concern in his voice almost broke her, even tough he could hide it so well it seemed to be barely there. Maybe because of that. It was still unusual for her to hear him like this. To see him like this. Even though it had been ten months since she was thrown into this horrible trash planet, and their relationship had slowly evolved from unlikely allies to friends to lovers, she always had a very clear, set in stone image of who Loki of Asgard was. And it didn’t involve caring for her, specifically.

Well, maybe she had fantasized about it a couple of times, but she was made of flesh and bone, okay? No one can blame her.

“Maybe if you told me about them…” Loki trailed off, fingers brushing some of her hair away from her forehead. Oh, Angie thought, so this is what this is about? She fixed her lover with an unamused stare, his subsequent smile only fueling her already growing frustration. She groaned, already done with that conversation entirely.

“I can’t tell you about the future, Loki. You know that. We’ve had this discussion before, more than once.” She tried to push him off of her as gently as possible, hoping that if she put some distance between them, she would be able to withhold the higher ground of the conversation. Something she was sure would be impossible with his cool, sweet scented breath and the chill of his body overwhelming her senses.

And yet, she couldn’t have enough of him.

“Indeed.” He gifted her with a positively dangerous smirk. He had her cornered and he knew it, just as much as he knew he was treading dangerous ground with his little quest for her Knowledge. “And every time we do, every time I try to understand why you look so troubled all the time, you give me the same excuse.”

“It’s not an excuse, Loki.” She defended herself, still trying to wiggle off his grasp. Her efforts earned her a delicious sounding grunt, so she decided to stop while she still could. Goddamn gods and their strength.

She wondered when her own Godlike strength would finally settle in.

If it was going to at all.

The spell Odin had cast on her was a powerful one, Loki had told her once when they tried to revert it (and failed miserably), so they couldn’t really predict how she was going to develop. It was weaker now, mirroring its casters state of being, but it was still strong enough to suppress most of the Asgardian DNA she carried.

“Even knowing about the future is enough to change it. I’ve told you how my Knowledge works.” She turned her gaze to him once more, and she noticed how his mouth had been tightly shut into the thin line she now recognizes as the sign his patience was running thin. She reached her hand, cupping his cheek and caressing the higher part of it with her thumb.

“Please, do remind me.” He grinned, even though she could hear the complaint in his voice. He didn’t really care for an explanation, and every word she said from that point on would be twisted and used from his advantage, and against her.

But could she deny him anything, tough?

“Well” She sighed, deciding to give him at least that much. At her defeated look, Loki finally relented and rolled off of her, still sporting an unamused expression and stared at her expectantly from his side of the bed. “First of all, they are not visions, remember? It’s more like…A memory. Like something that I’ve seen happen before. It’s weird to describe.” She allowed her head to fall heavily against her pillow, carefully articulating her words so she didn’t give away more than she should. “So, because I can’t always check to see if something has changed, I have a very limited set of factors that I can mess with. If I change too much, then…”

She shrugged her shoulders. Loki scrutinized her a while longer, and she had the impression he was trying to read her mind through his narrowed gaze. She groaned, all hopes of finishing this conversation with a nice tone and going back to the cuddling going out of the window, and fixed her stare to the ceiling, hoping to signalize to her insistent bedmate that this conversation is over, thanks.

“So, is that why you can’t sleep? You’re scared of changing too much and not being able to do whatever it is you’re trying to do” Angie stared at him, expression severe and tired, while he continued his tirade. “And yet, you won’t ask for anyone aid in you little mission, give me no indication of what it even if you are fighting against…Stop trying to save everyone, Angie. You can’t. Not alone, at least.”

“I have to.” She shook her head, a sad smile on her lips as she took his hand in hers and tried to take comfort on how big they seemed in comparison. “I have to try, at least.”

In truth, Loki was terrified. Of course he wasn’t going to tell her that, but he was, and he could feel it in his bones. The absolute terror of one day having to witness her sacrifice everything, watch her die because she couldn’t trust anyone around her enough to ask for help.

In that, they were very much alike. Here she was, trying to shield him from the painful truth of their future, all the while he fretted the consequences of allowing her to shoulder such a responsibility alone. He knew, deep down, that she was born to bear it, as it was in the very nature of the Norns. But then again, she wasn’t fully a norn. No one could know how exactly the Knowledge would affect her mind, her actions. The very real possibility that one day he could come to lose her was almost physically painful, and that too, terrified Loki. How quickly she became the very sun his life orbited.

“If it makes it any better,” She began, and her smile dropped ever so slightly. “I’m not trying to save everyone.”

“No?” Loki chuckled bitterly, but still brought her hand up to his lips before pulling her towards himself again. “Because it seems very much the case.”

“Yeah” She chuckled, and settled against him comfortably. “I’m just trying to prevent my dad from doing something stupid.”

“Stark?” Loki mused, remembering his last encounter with the man in question. Of course, he was a simpleton, but much smarter than the average Midgardian.

“Yup.” She murmured, her speech already sluggish from the lack of sleep. “Given the chance, he would probably die trying to save everyone. Or just one person. And I really don’t want that to happen. “She yawned and draped her arm carelessly across his chest. After a little moment so comfortable silence, she continued. “Everyone thinks I’m working towards the greater good, to save humanity or something cheesy like that. I just don’t want my dad to die because of people that are undeserving of it, you know? They’re all faceless, nameless. I don’t really care about them. They’re expendable.” He felt her smile against his ribs, and realized that maybe he had been reading her all wrong, after all. “Selfish, huh?”

“Very.” He smiled down at her, and just as selfishly, he allowed the truth to comfort him. In truth, he didn’t care that she wasn’t as interested in heroism as he once toughs the way. Loki wasn’t a hypocrite, he cared just as little, maybe even less, for the fate of hundreds of random nameless Midgardians. He had his priorities. As she had hers, and he could live with them. If her father was safe, she would keep her head out of trouble. And he could live with that.

  How hard could it be to keep Tony Stark alive, anyway?

[hirakdesherrani]

Double standards re: Annika and Gauri

Now this is not a bashing post, (or even if it is who cares, its my blog and I can write whatever I want) or yet another comparison post. I love both of these characters, despite the shitty and mostly inconsistent writing (especially in case of Gauri). Maybe I love Gauri a bit more, but that’s mainly ‘cos Shrenu is a superior performer. 

This is just to let out a year of frustration at the writers and the petty fandom BS when it comes to these two, so that I don’t carry this venom with me into the next year. 

My grudge is more againt the fandom than the writers because the writers did give a chance to Gauri to shine in some places, but again the petty fandom BS. At least the Shivika fandom is not divided into Shivaay v/s Annika; unfortunately for Gauri, its the Omkara fandom which bashes her the most because they just can’t accept that Om is not perfect, and undeserving of anyone, let alone Gauri. 

Anyways, so launching into it straightaway, lets start with the writers. The writers have in a major way been much more meherbaan on Annika than Gauri. Annika was explored for almost 140 episodes before Shivaay forcibly married her. What about Gauri? She was married off to Omkara in the 11th episode, and more or less her story starts from there. In fact, to be very honest the audience got to see only two episodes of Gauri’s life before Kali Thakur wreaks her life. The audience never got to see Gauri’s life at all. The only things audience got to know about Gauri is that she is adopted, she loves her mother and she is a devotee of Shankarji. And these three things Gauri shares with probably 80 million people in India. What makes up her character and who she is was not explored at all. Its like Gauri’s story started when she married Omkara. And she was immediately judged as a doormat and regressive and other assorted nonsense (which I will deal with later in the post). 

On the other hand, Annika’s independence was thrust in our faces for almost 150 episodes. The multitude of qualities which make Annika amazing were explored over a period of 5 months. Gauri was never afforded that opportunity in the first place. Annika is ‘khuddar’ and made her way in life without the advantage of naam, khoon and khaandaan. This was the main draw and USP of Annika’s character. Well, Gauri ne kaunsa naam, khoon, khaandaan ka advantage uthaaya hai?!? She is equally self-made and independent in life. But the writers did not spend more than two episodes exploring this. 

Another thing which writers highlighted over and over, was how Annika took care of Sahil and dueled with her nasty Buaaji on a daily basis. Episodes on episodes have been used on highlighting that how despite being an orphan, Annika took the responsibility of a young  Sahil. On the other hand, Gauri has been passed off as someone with a happy childhood. Yeah I imagine her childhood would have been very happy, with her chaacha and chaachi plotting on how much money they could earn when they sold her off. And if someone argues that Gauri had the presence of at least an adoptive mother, toh please, its more likely that Gauri brought her mother up than her mother raising her. Maaaa is probably the most annoying character in DBO’s universe, and let me just say that Sahil is probably one of the most sensible and perceptive character in IBverse, and Annika was lucky to have his support, unlike Gauri who was crippled by the existence of Maaaa and who filled Gauri’s head with nonsense about marriage and duties of wife. 

And now my greatest grudge against writers. Annika is the favorite of several people because she solves all her problems on her own. We have seen a gradual development of Annika’s character, where writers have spend time exploring why Annika is cynical about God, and why she always blames her ‘2Rs kismat’ for her troubles. Well, news flash, Gauri also defeats all evil on her own, and her life has been hella more scary than Annika’s. Gauri has been criticized strongly for her belief in god. Not just by IF/Twitter fandom (who are usually pathetic and crazy) but also by Tumblr fandom. Tumblr biggies initially dismissed Gauri for her ‘holier-than-though’ attitude, and parroting dialogues on faith and belief. 

But here I beg to differ. Gauri’s relationship with her Shankarji is perhaps the purest bond in the whole of IB/DBO universe. Gauri does not pray to Shakarji because its a social obligation or habit bred into her. Shankarji is like Gauri’s godfather. Since, Maaaa was mostly a useless creature, its to Shankarji that Gauri turns to in times of distress, and Shankarji looks after her. Shankarji has always protected her. If Gauri believes in Shankarji, then Shankarji has also responded in kind and looked after her. Yes, Shankarji messed up majorly when he chose Omkara for her, but khair, even God is not above making mistakes. Shankarji could have chosen someone wayyyy better for his chiraiyaa, but maybe Gauri made some Draupadi-esque blunder in her previous life (I hope you guys know the story, if not ask in comments, and I’ll reply), so she got stuck with Omkara. I’ll forever hate the writers for not exploring the Gauri’s dynamics and backstory with Shankarji. In my headcanon, some major incident must have happened when Gauri was young, and Gauri must have prayed to God and Shankarji must have got her out of trouble. Since then Gauri and Shankarji formed an unbreakable bond, which is why Gauri has this unshakeable faith in Shankarji. The writers never explored the reason behind Gauri’s faith and positivity and optimism, allowing the audience and fandoms to be hoodwinked into believing that Gauri was the typical Tulsi-Parvati type of character. I think I’ll be sour about this fact even after the show ends.

Coming to the next fact which annoys me. Now here I can’t blame the writers really. Its the fandom and their elitist notions that irk me. Annika is widely loved for her dictionary and mannerisms. In fact, to be honest michmichi has become part of my dictionary as well. But why is Gauri judged for the way she talks? Just because Annika is from Bombay/Mumbai so she is cool, whereas Gauri hailing from the North Indian belt (UP) is a victim of regionalist bias. Forget the trashy Twitter/IF fandom or the so-called ‘Om Deewaanis’ who suffer from a Pinky complex and believe that Gauri is not good enough for their trash son, but even sensible Tumblr blogs initially bashed Gauri for her linguistic traits. I mean, if you are a South Indian who does not understand half the words Gauri speaks, then is that the character’s fault or your own judgy ass for stereotyping her? (just an instance I came across). The funny thing is that now the same Tumblr blogs have come around to liking Gauri, and now blame others for being classist and elitist. The U-turns on opinions I’ve seen in this show, honestly.

Connecting to my old point about Gauri’s equation with Shankarji, is this other issue where both the writers and the fandom are at fault. The writers couldn’t spend more than two episodes on giving Gauri a proper backstory, but they spent over two months on her Pati parmeshvar nonsense. There were so many other facets to her character which could and should have been highlighted properly: her positivity, her optimism, humor, courage, quick wit, sharp brains. Yes, the writers did highlight those, but with a daily dose of PP jaap which ensured that audience would overlook her better qualities. And jo kasar writers ne chhod di thi, woh fandom ne puri kar di. It literally took an episode for the fandom to typecast her as a doormat. Gauri wan’t devoted to Omkara because he “married” her. Duh uh. Gauri saw Shankarji as her godfather, and in her mind Shankarji sent Omkara to save her. The fact that Omkara shares his name with Shankarji confirmed her belief further. In Gauri’s eyes, Omkara is her guardian angel. So, she easily put him on a pedestal. The fact is that Gauri is devoted to him not because he is her husband, she is devoted to him because she believes that it is her fate, if her God chose Omkara for her, then who is she to deny his choice, and the duties, the ‘patnidharm’ that comes along with it. I believe that if Gauri had married any other guy, under ordinary circumstances then the PP jaap would not be there because she would not have seen him as her savior. 

Another reason why the PP jaap was at its height during the Chulbul phase was because up until then Gauri just saw his good side. In her mind, Omkara was a good guy who valued his servants also, he was humble, down-to-earth, sorta socialist person, who loved his mother, but just suffered from some anger management issues. The fact that Omkara befriended a servant confirmed her belief that Omkara is some modern day socialist hero. But post-the Chulbul reveal in Bareilly where Om left Gauri to die, thats when she came to face the ugly truth of Omkara being a one-eyed, judgmental, hypocritical asshole. In my opinion, thats the reason why Gauri’s PP jaap toned down when she returned to Oberoi mansion. She still kept him on a pedestal but now it was more of an obligation than her own wish. Which is why she kept questioning his hypocrisy whenever given the chance, and pointing out his bullshit mental issues. This is also the reason why she did not waste a moment in leaving the mansion, once she guaranteed that Om is safe (in the DBO finale scene).

But did the fandom understand all this? Nope. For them Gauri was the regressive doormat, while Annika was the progressive modern bahu. Well, didn’t Annika stick to Shivaay after the forced marriage? Yes, she was emotionally abused into it by Dadi, but the fans were so willing to forgive Annika for staying with Shivaay, toh phir Gauri ne kya dosh kiya hai? Annika literally forgives Shivaay the next day for the Daksh misunderstanding where she could have almost died thanks to Shivaay’s judgmental ass. But Gauri is a greater villain for forgiving Omkara for leaving her to die in Bareilly track 2? Kyun bhai?? 

Also, lets not forget that Annika had made it a business to save Shivaay from Tia’s scam even before she got married to him. Like girl, do you go to the Oberoi mansion to do your job or spy on Tia? And for whom? The guy who called you road trash, threw you out of his house multiple times, put you in prison, and made abusive physical contact many times before? But the fandom forgets all this or calls it Annika’s generosity. But Gauri is bashed for her divinely ordained obsession with Omkara. 

If Gauri were really the doormat then she would have tried to impose herself on Omkara, but she never did. If Gauri were really the regressive doormat then she would not have confronted and questioned Omkara multiple times for asking what is her place in his life and what is her right to stay in the Oberoi house.  I won’t say that Annika didn’t question Shivaay, she did, but she never demanded answers. In fact, I was under the impression that Annika would leave after Tia exposure but she made no move to do that. Unlike Gauri who once the job was done, kept on questioning Omkara, until she gave up on him completely and just waited for Shivika to get married so that she could leave the house. How are the two characters so widely different that Annika is progressive while Gauri is regressive in the eyes of the fandom?

That the writers never gave the same opportunity to Gauri’s character to be explored is something I’ve already mentioned. But the writers didn’t stop at that. The multiple personality transplants they have given to Gauri and flipped her character on the tava for the plot’s convenience are a greater sin. The chief example of this is the bullshit English track which was just introduced for the sake of showing what an amazing brother Shivaay is and how amazing Annika is that she did not change herself for Shivaay. I mean Shivika are amazing, but is it necessary to butcher Gauri’s character for that? Gauri, who has been proudly proclaiming that she is paachvi paas, who almost picked up a fight with Omkara because she thought he was about to comment on her dressing style and ask her to change it, and who most importantly said that love is like Meera, where one should not impose oneself on another; would learn English all of a sudden because she wants to be ‘laayak’ for Om?? Like really?? This is such a major character blooper, only introduced to make Shivika look like the goals couple. Matlab what should I say about Shivika then, who need every other character in the IBverse to sing their praises to prove how ‘takkar’ ki their jodi is. LOL I’ll rather prefer Rikara over them then, at least they don’t need Dadi to remind the audience everyday that Shivika are true ishqbaaz. 

Of course, the petty fandom exploited this writing blooper to the fullest to say how Annika is self-confident while Gauri is an insecure mess. Well didn’t Annika lie and sacrifice her relationship with Shivaay because of Pinky’s dhamki? She didn’t have 1% confidence in their relationship to tell the truth of Pinky’ threats. Wasn’t Annika too defeated by her insecurity about naam, khoon, khaandaan that to protect Shivaay’s fake pride she sacrificed her love? Because she felt that Shivaay needs his naam,khoon, khaandaan more than her, despite the whole journey they had made as a couple over an year. Gauri, by those standards did not know Omkara that well, and neither were they in love at the point, for her to not be affected by her insecurities. But Gauri’s insecurities make her a doormat while Annika’s insecurities make her a self-sacrificing devi? Theek hai ji!

Several people get irritated that why is Rikara fandom so upset with Gauri shipping Shivika or playing matchmaker for them or part of the Obahus, etc. Well, they don’t get it. The DBO fandom has seen Gauri as the centre of everything, where she has ruled in her story. To see Gauri play second fiddle to Anika or Shivika is what irks us. We are not mad that Gauri is seen shipping Shivika; we are mad because thats all she’s been reduced to. When the Rikara fandom says that it wants badass Gauri, we don’t mean we want her to be stabbing villains or crushing cars. We want her to have her own story and be at the centre of her story. The break up scene is I think the most badass scene of Gauri, because she fully annihilates Omkara’s skewed perception of truth and walks out of their one-sided equation. 

Finally the only instance where writers have favored Gauri over Annika (till now). Unlike Annika, Gauri has always been able to keep the physical and romantic aspect of her relationship separate. The only consideration for Gauri in a physical equation is consent. Gauri never steps back from participating in consensual physical contact. Woh hamaari phooti kismat that Omkara is forever either drugged or faking it or the latent passive-aggressive nature of their relationship, which has effectively ensured that Rikara fandom never gets to enjoy a tharki scene. 

But what were the writers thinking when they showed a 27-year old, grownass woman, brought up in Mumbai, who btw watched B-grade movies with her brother, LITERALLY running away from the man she loves on the thought of consummation? Like what were they smoking? I get it that they want to show shyness on part of the heroine, but to actually make her run away like that? The whole scene where Annika wears the silly night dress on top of her kurta and escapes from the room is in the list of the top five cringey scenes I’ve seen on Ishqbaaz. What fandom thought as funny and comic and cute, I found that unbelievable and moreover, why do writers write such sequences which make their heroes looks like desperate horny men? 

Annika fleeing her room is funny, but Gauri being lost for a moment in that horrendous jal jal ke dhuyaan sequence makes her desperate? The kind of comments I read on IF that time were unbelievable. Since when did feeling desire make one a desperate, clingy woman? FYI Gauri did push Om away because he was not in his senses. The most ridiculous reaction has to be of certain ‘Om deewaanis’ (I’m sorry I just can’t stop myself from LOLing at this group), who wrote that Omkara is so attractive that Gauri just couldn’t resist him, like themselves. Somebody knock some sense into these teenage girls that Kunal and Omkara are two different creatures. The number of facepalm moments I had reading their comments that day! Thank God! the writers toned down that aspect of Annika, because “yeh aap kya kar rahe hai Shivaay” was getting on my nerves. 

While Annika got so much appreciation for finally being bold, let me just say that my girl Gauri already did it. I hated the inspiration scene, but I have to praise Gauri for unbelievable confidence she has in herself to follow Bade Bhaiyaa’s suggestion, and use her beauty as the one thing that can help remove Omkara’s artist block. Gauri is confidence goals. The fact that Gauri is in touch with her sensual side is perhaps the greatest reason why I prefer Gauri over Annika. 

To me, both my girls are amazing, and deserve much better the Obros. They also deserve much better than the writers shitty, inconsistent tracks and pathetic fandom bullshit. 

Honestly, for me the best possible conclusion of IB would be AniRiVya leaving the Oberois after giving them a piece of their mind about the maltreatment they suffered at their hands (Soumya, smart girl, pehli hi Australia chali gayi). Oh and Svetlana burning down the whole mansion with the Oberois in it. Maybe in distant future Svetty and Gauri can hook up, ‘cos honestly I’ve been on the SvetRi ship even before I thought of giving Rikara a chance (Om is just too stupid for Gauri). 

P.S. I mentioned above that Shrenu is a superior performer. I have two reasons for this. IB was my first Surbhi C. show while DBO was my first Shrenu show. Why I praise Shrenu more is because Gauri is a difficult character to play. While Surbhi has a lot in common with Annika’s bindaas attitude, Shrenu has nothing in common with Gauri. Gauri and Shrenu are too totally different personas, therefore, in my opinion Shrenu has to put in greater effort to play Gauri than Surbhi has to put in playing Annika. Secondly, Surbhi got a whole lot more material and 50 times greater screenspace to prove her mettle as compared to Shrenu, and yet Shrenu managed to impress me in the second episode itself while it took almost a month for me to warm up to Surbhi’s acting skills. 

[4jimin]

Jikook 9

hey angel ily (i hope i dont let u down)

9. things you said when i was crying; jikook

Golden maknae his ass. How could he be worth of that title when he couldn’t even get his voice to not crack in the high notes? When he couldn’t even get one simple dance move right? Hoseok said it was okay, the choreo was really hard, but deep down he knew he was expecting more from him. Everyone was. It got worse when he dropped Jimin on the ground during a no more dream's rehearsal for a concert – the terrible sound of his hyung's body hitting the ground still resounding on his ears. They had done that a million times over – he had never dropped Jimin once –, but it seemed like his mental state was affecting his physical strength and everything was just so damn shitty. From this day forward, he kept working on gym nonstop, wanting– no, needing to be stronger. However, each day spent in front of those glass mirrors was only useful to make him even more aware of all his flaws. All the imperfections on his body and face he wasn’t allowed to have. The pressure was growing bigger within each day until it hit a point he couldn’t take anymore. He missed his mother, missed his family, his house – he missed the days he just felt normal and not like an useless burden to everyone around him. He knew his members, and even the managers, were going easy on him because he was younger – that's why he also knew he wasn’t allowed to feel that way he was feeling. He wasn’t, but what could he do when the pain was only growing bigger evey day? He was already trying to hide it as much as he could from the hyungs, not wanting to be a stupid kid sticking around their shoes, but he just couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t and it fucking hurt, but it was also refreshing when the tears washed his cheeks, simultaneously warm and blazing. He was alone. Alone and weak in the dance studio, his inner demons pulling up a battle, but there was something relaxing about it. Everyone was already home, so it was okay. He could cry. At least for one night. He could, right? No one had to know. But Jungkook belatedly realized – in a pent up breath of shock and shame washing over him –, he wasn’t really alone when Jimin appeared with a towel around his neck, black hair still soaked from shower. There was no way he could hide himself behind the couch, or dig a whole in the ground to bury himself there. There was also no way Jimin wouldn’t realize the reddish skin around his bruised eyes, from too many harsh rubs. He had no way out so he just accepted his fate and silently fought a sob. He could only wish Jimin wouldn’t see him in the poorly lit room. “Jungkook-ah?!” Maybe not that day. “What are you doing over there?” Jungkook heard him getting closer, but he couldn’t bring himself to look up, too embarrassed to show his hyung how much of failure he was. “Jungkookie?” Jimin crouched down in front of him and it was when he realized it, concern spreading over his face in a second, “Oh my god, what happened?! Hey, Jungkookie! Look at me...” Jimin kept searching for his eyes worriedly, but Jungkook just couldn’t. He couldn’t because he was trying so hard to not break, but Jimin's voice had the contrary effect on him. It kept him on the verge from falling and– he just couldn’t. “Jungkook...” Jimin reached for the younger's cheeks and it wasn’t like electricity, but it was like fire, Jungkook's skin instantly burning from the touch. A sob escaped from his lips and it was all it took for Jimin to pull him closer in the tightest hug he had ever received.It was so warm and comfortable it made Jungkook completely forget why he was holding back in the first place. He smelled like washed clothes, soap, and most important of it all, he smelled like home. Suddenly, Jimin's shoulder was completely wet with Jungkook's tears, but he didn’t seem to mind it, dragging the younger further onto his lap, tight arms around him trying to build the safest shelter he could ever. Seeing Jungkook cry was definitely the most heartbreaking thing Jimin had ever gone through. When the boy stopped shaking under his touch, Jimin slided his hand into his hair, drawing soothing circles with his thumb on the back of his neck. He leaned against the wall – Jungkook's body still glued to his chest –, and waited. He wasn’t going to say anything – Jungkook was, if he needed to. Jimin just wanted him to know he was there for him, nevertheless.“I'm no good, hyung...” it came some seconds later, his body shrinking within each word, “I don’t know why y'all keep telling me that I am, 'cause I'm not.” Jungkook sniffled, and Jimin searched for his hand to intertwine their fingers. “I let you fall, hyung.” The maknae hid his face in the crook of Jimin's neck, tears overflowing from his eyes once again. “I hurt you, how can y'all even say I'm good enough after this...”Jimin closed his eyes, throwing his head back; searching for words to say. “You know...” he started, squeezing Jungkook’s fingers on his, “Remember when I entered the group? The first day I arrived? I was so nervous I couldn’t even sleep. I heard all of you had been chosen for a company or two, but only bang pd-nim had wanted me so I was really insecure. I worked the shit out of me to keep up, because I kept thinking I was not worthy. I'm not going to be an hypocrite, I still think like this sometimes. We all do. But in one particular day... Ah, I was terrible, Jungkook. I was feeling insecure and homesick, and all the bad things at once. I couldn’t stop feeling like a real trash, but...” Jimin giggled and Jungkook felt a little tug on his heart, “You appeared in the middle of the night with bedhair and a pillow, whispering 'hyung, can I sleep here?' Do you remember?” Jungkook smiled.“Yes...” his voice sounded muffled against the skin of Jimin's neck.“It was the first time we had ever shared a bed, but you kept talking about that game you were addicted to and about that favorite character of yours, and... eventually about how I reminded you of him. His coolness and such.” Jimin laughed again. “Aish, I felt so warm and relaxed that night I couldn’t quite believe it. I don’t know where I'm going with this, really, it just– You felt more than just enough that night, Jungkook-ah. For me.” Jimin slightly blushed, but he didn’t find the time to bother, “I know feeling like you're no good sucks, but... You are. Really. You are way more than that, and not only for me.” Jungkook pulled away just enough to look Jimin in the eyes, which got the older to instinctively brush his fingers through the messy strands of hair sticking to his forehead, shoving them backwards to hesitantly place a soft kiss on it. He kept his mouth on Jungkook’s skin while murmuring, trying to ignore his heart violently knocking against his ribcage, “Take this things out of your mind, please... I can’t even bring myself to imagine spending a single day without you.” Jimin leaned down, touching their foreheads and drowning into Jungkook’s eyes – their hands still clasped together, only a breath apart between them “How can you be possibly not enough?”