#‘i wanted to make a longer post’ talks for 40 moons

[unreadpoppy]

Halsin bear related headcanons

So, bears are a special interest of mine which means I have too much knowledge about this animal than what is allowed and I just...needed to make these involving my favorite druid's preferred wild shape. This is part romantic headcanons, part general hcs and part me using this man as an excuse to talk about bears.

As I said in another post, bears have an extremely accurate sense of smell, and they will leave their mark on their territory by rubbing their backs on trees to leave their scent. With that in mind, I can picture some days where Halsin is constantly hugging Tav, holding their hand, just being in physical contact with them, to sort of leave his smell on them. 

Maybe he would do that after noticing how Tav was smelling of others. 

On the topic of smells, bears are attracted by smell, so on days that the group is low on supplies, he wildshapes and scavenges for all sorts of fruits and plants, especially the more sweet ones. 

Also, Halsin sniffing Tav’s hair, especially after a good bath, and saying that it smells nice. 

Many species of bears are omnivourous, I think especially black bears, so Halsin will eat just about anything. If it looks fresh and edible, he will eat it. 

It also means that, during the weeks/months leading up to winter, he is going to be eating a LOT. 

Bears are not true hibernators and for Halsin, that could translate to him just sleeping more during winter time. 

Also, if it’s a particularly cold night, he’s wildshaping into a polar bear and enveloping his partner(s) in a tight and very warm hugs. I say polar bear in specific because they have the fur that is more adapted to handle cold weathers and because polar bear moms will often cuddle with their cubs because their (cubs) fur is still not developed enough to handle the weather, and picturing Halsin in bear form doing that is just so cute. 

Black bears in particular are great climbers and I can see Halsin picking up that as well. On a particular night, where the sky is clear, Halsin would transform into a bear, get his partner on his back, climb up the tallest tree around and then show them the stars and the moon. 

Also, getting a bit into more animalistic things, Halsin would be a very vocal guy, like grunting and growling when he's upset.

When confronted by someone who could be a threat, he'd use his already large size to his favor and try to intimidate the person away. Puffing up his chest, holding his head higher, just showing he's the bigger guy and he's not to be messed around with.

Getting particularly into more…naughty territory, I want to talk about courtship. On the more tame side, if Halsin has his eyes on someone, he’d follow them around more, get them to be comfortable around him. He’d be more playful, like being more outspoken of his intentions and flirting more, but just like real bears, he'd wait until his partner initiated it. 

I don't see Halsin as a possessive man overall, BUT, in specific situations, I can see this side of him coming out, because of bear instintcs. Male bears can get more aggresive towards other males during mating season, and I can see that affexting him.

Maybe he's courting someone and another person gets a bit too close (and his partner makes it clear they're not liking it), Halsin's gonna get into protective mode and scare the guy away.

The last two points are a bit more sexual, so I put them under the cut.

Also, after seeing a video and reading a couple of articles on it, yeah I can see Halsin being into primal play. 

His partner gets a good head start before he wildshapes into a bear and runs after them. Fun fact, bears can run up to 35-40 mph, so I can see him also like, stopping from time to time to prolong the hunt even longer. If his partner in a druid who can wild shape into a bear, I think it’d be even more interesting because the speed of both would be equal. 

Remember how I said he's a vocal guy? Yeah, he's going to be groaning, and moaning and grunting a lot during sex.

[crystaljellie]

An Analysis of My Scott Playlist

Big long post as promised <33 roughly 40 songs

I've Had Enough by Melina KB

This song in the context of double life is very interesting to me, but I also like to see it in Scott talking to Jimmy (Sorry flower husbands truthers I love soft and kind flower husbands too but we have all seen what happened in limited life they do have some slight issues)

"Cause you miss the way I let you walk all over me" | Again could work in both contexts, Scott never really went out of his way to stop Pearl from doing what she does with the powdered snow, sure he did retaliate but you can tell at some point he just gets used to it. And then in the context of Jimmy I'm thinking very especially about limited life flower husbands and Scott giving up time for Jimmy.

"I'm done with shutting up I've learned a lot better" | Maybe in this of Scott thinking he's learnt to stand up for himself? And I say think because I'm talking about how he thought he was in the right in double life (None of them were) It's also funny because he has the confidence so strongly in double life where he makes his feelings known and then it's just like... 'Oh yeah you can kill me!!' And I know it's part of his whole making everything fair thing, but still

"Admit you did it we all know you did it" | We all know you're the one who left me when you went to the nether, tormented me, screwed me over repeatedly. Both Pearl and Scott do not understand each others perspectives of the situation and villanize the other for it.

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Washing Machine Heart by Mitski

"I know who you pretend I am" | Limited life Scott and Martyn, Martyn pretending he's serving his king again, Scott being alright with it because he knows Martyn is by his side for more than just that reason, and he's right Martyn is.

It's a pretty short analysis here but it's mainly I guess about Scott wanting allies and wanting to be loved by them but they always have someone else more important to them than he is

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The Moon Will Sign by the Crane Wives

"All those empty rooms" | Something about Scott being alone after Jimmy died in 3rd life, empty rooms with no noise to fill them

"We made our peace with weariness and let it be" | The weariness oof being forced into death games over and over, the blood brings chaos the familiarity of death brings peace

"I shine only with the light you gave me" | OKAY NOW HEAR ME OUT ON THIS ONE You might be saying "But Scott was the one who lived longer in that relationship and is literally seen as the stars" But have you ever considered Jimmy was the one everyone loved more, jimmy was the one to make strong alliances, Jimmy was the one there was fuss over when he died. Scott was only able to be strong because he had Jimmy by his side and without that 'light' he was simply a tool of vengence

"Instead you hoarded all thats left of me" | In the sense that Jimmy unknowingly kept Scott's ability to love another other than him, and all his courage and faith in the world. Not that Jimmy was doing it on purpose but it still happened anyways

"I want to feel the fire that you kept from me" | NOBODY TALK TO ME THIS IS 100% SCOTT TALKING ABOUT RANCHERS. I DON'T CARE IF YOU LIKE RANCHERS AND HATE FLOWER HUSBANDS OR WHATEVER BUT YOU CANNOT TELL ME THIS IS NOT SCOTT BEING BITTER THAT JIMMY GAVE MORE LOVE TO TANGO THAN HE EVER DID TO SCOTT. HE WANTED TO FEEL THAT FIRE OF A LOVE HE NEVER GOT TO KEEP

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Two Slow Dancers by Mitski

Another double life-coded song

Very much Scott and Pearl

"And We've both done it all a hundred times before" | More so in reference to last life, they've played the death game before they know how it goes

"it would be a hundred times, easier if we were young again" | If they were young and still filled with faith, if Scott hadn't won last life and learnt the pain of winning and become bitter in the season following

"We get a few years and then it want's us back" | Not necessarily a few years but more so like the gaps between the games, a bit of freedom and then the watchers want them all at each others throats

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Evelyn Evelyn by Evelyn Evelyn

Surprise surprise another Pearl and Scott one

"Why do we bother to stay? Why are you running away" | Scott and Pearl with their conflicting feelings at the start of double life, with Scott wondering why he should stay and Pearl not wanting him to leave her

"We grew up closer than most, closer than anything, closer than anything" | In either they grew up close in last life or their soulbound in double life, either way their fates are intertwined

"What if they find us? They're not looking anyways" and it's counter part line "I want to be famous, they're watching us anyways" | WATCHERS WATCHERS WATCHERS!! There's so much about this that just gives, hiding away from the watchers or giving into their whims

"At your side I feel like a ghost" | It can go either way in my mind, Pearl not feeling adequate enough to be seen and Scott feeling like she's killing him

"A parasite needs a host- I'm only trying to do what is best for us!" | because Pearl only wanted to help her soulmate, not that Scott didn't but he felt so betrayed and then it turned to a feeling of her leeching onto him

"You're always trying to be somebody else" | THIS!! Because Pearl wasn't acting like who she used to be and who Scott became friends with, she became 'somebody else' in an attempt to bring him back.

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Little Soldiers by the Crane Wives

"Beneath the table you would offer up my bones And all the dogs would lick your fingers" | As in how Jimmy does things at Scott’s expense to get people to trust him or to get time and hearts and such

"And I dragged you through every room inside our home" | Scott struggling to get Jimmy to do anything with him anymore and feeling like the effort he puts in is not enough

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November by Sparkbird

"Admit it, you were never going to get it I was always going to get it" | Can't explain why but this gives last life Scott killing Ren

"Maybe that's relevant somehow, can I explode now" | ....boom boom at the end of double life :3

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Allies or Enemies by The Crane Wives

"And I swear I didn't mean what I said" ...I live by the belief that Scott didn't actually mean to tell Pearl he was 'breaking up' with her, guys trust me it was the watchers. But also apart from that it could be anything

"Are we allies or enemies this will be the death of me" | Scott in secret life, not understanding what his teammates actually think of him

"All is fair in love and war but I can't fight with you anymore" | FLOWER HUSBANDS LIMITED LIFE GUYS!!

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Canary in a coal mine

CANARY IN A COAL MINE IS SCOTT’S SONG NOT JIMMY’S I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL

"Am I the only thing that keeps you safe when the light is gone?" | Scott being the only person to protect Jimmy in third life and protecting his memory even after he’s dead

"I’ll be worth more than all the silence left in my way" | The silence referring to how Jimmy doesn’t really interact or talk to Scott outside of third life, he is silent towards him, and Scott is hoping that he’ll be more than that to Jimmy if he tries hard enough

"I’ll sing you songs until the darkness does recede" | Scott calming Jimmy down when he needs it always being there to reassure him, keeping his hearts safe and him armoured in 3rd life

"Will you forget about your love for me?" | If Scott is no longer able to keep chasing after someone that won’t come back from him will that love that they once had in 3rd life be forgotten for good?

"And when you break the surface, oh, without me" | When Jimmy meets new people achieves new things and finally manages to break the curses all without Scott because no matter how much Scott tries Jimmy won’t let him help

"Please don’t return me to the dark of all the memories, yeah" | The dark actually being hope don’t give him any more hope that those memories could be recreated

"I will save you when your lights go out" | Scott is giving him time which continues to live being his breath, Scott’s love for him keeps him alive and that act of love is letting Jimmy kill him for time, saving him when he needs it most

This song is so so Scott coded most if not all the lyrics fit his perspective of things, the song is associated with Jimmy mainly because he is the Canary in the coal mine which sure fair enough but the lyrics themselves don’t fit his personality or his view of things, I guess some things could refer to how the winners and others have left him behind and he is weighed down by the curse but nothing else really fits him. 

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Misery Meat by Sodikken

"You want a taste of my brain? Okay, it's yours anyway, A bite of my eye alright I won't put up a fight" | Scott giving his time away and hearts away for other people with little complaint

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This is going to be part 1, and I will reblog this later with part two

[pixigels]

the demons have taken over me. heres my thread of romerica thoughts and incoherent rambling

america is an insomniac while romano is quite the opposite. america always tells himself that hes gonna fix his sleep schedule but he never does bcs he just cant... he'll always find himself wide eyed at 5am like always.

romerica did NOT meet and end in the 1920s. like canon says industrial revolution + economic growth in america aka the gilded for a reason guysss. now i dont think they were dating since then but they did not MEET in the start of the 20s. not rlly a hc its just a fleeting thought.

i do think they dated in the 1920s but throughout the whole time they never called it dating (because they are idiots) they were just gay and existing like a situationship ???? but like they were certainly not just friends if you know what i mean.

they didnt get back into their situationship activities until the 50s

30s they broke apart and then 40s was a complicated time that deserves its own post bcs a bullet point would not do its complexity justice.

romano bullies america for his taste in coffee food and everything else.

speaking of coffee their dynamic is so coffee au

america and roma are sun sign compatible bcs they are cancer and pisces. kinda like the moon and the tides of the ocean if you want to get all artistic (i ignore hetalia bdays when it comes to astrology hcs unless its convenient to me)

i personally find it so funny how in the manga romano seems to mentions that he lived with america like a decent amount of times like thats so silly to me and i like to think he does that way more often kinda like an old man who repeats a story over and over again and it makes everyone sick LIKE DAMN WE GET IT (alfred does this too)

i also like to think that they like to shit talk people. like i feel like alfred is kinda blunt/cant read the room and so is lovi but like in different ways but they are blunt with each other so they shit talk people together bcs thats what true couples do <3

i probably have more hcs but i either forgot atm or think its already too much of a common hc for me to mention yk. i pinky promise to make more romerica content. If romerica has a million fans, then I am one of them. If romerica has ten fans, then I am one of them. If romerica has only one fan then that is me. If romerica has no fans, then that means I am no longer on earth. If the world is against romerica, then I am against the world.

what im saying is ill die for romerica and will make self indulgent content just bcs i like it sm

if theres any inconsistencies in hcs, in specific the historical ones,pls correct me im not a history major ive only had a special interest in history (prior to hetalia bcs im a LOSER) for years so i end up bringing it up alot everywhere even in non hetalia related conversations O<-<

[marshallpupfan]

Did you used to have any other favorite shows before Paw Patrol and before Marshall became your number 1 favorite animated character, did you used to have any other favorite characters from any other TV show or movie?

I can certainly name a few favorite TV shows of mine from over the years. Some of these are pretty old nowadays, but I believe they can still be found on streaming services and whatnot.

One that comes to mind right away is "Looney Tunes". The originals, not the newer stuff like "The Looney Tunes Show" or the modern "Looney Tunes Cartoons". These were made back in the 30's, 40's and 50's, and though they released in theaters first, it might as well be considered a TV show nowadays.

In any case, I've been a huge fan of these shorts for as long as I can remember. In fact, I still watch them quite often to this day! Most of them are classics, with a wide variety of wonderful characters, memorable plots, delightful cartoon slapstick and violence, among other things. I don't think I'll ever outgrow them... heck, even my own parents still watch them (we often watch them together, actually).

Here's another I used to watch a ton a long time ago. It's an anime from 2001 called "Digimon Tamers". I practically fell in love with this one as a kid, and I remembered even trying to record every single episode to make sure I'd always have it. One reason behind this is... well, someone I'll talk about later on in this post. Beyond that, I just found the overall story really interesting, especially when compared to the previous two ("Adventure" and "Adventure 02"). It had memorable characters, too. It was just really good all around!

I'll admit, I'm not much for superhero stuff, but Justice League, and its sequel, Justice League: Unlimited, were both so entertaining. I haven't seen the show in numerous years, yet I still think about most of its episodes from time to time. They were just so memorable, thanks to smart and mature writing, numerous moments that still surprise me to this very day, etc. However, I'm not sure I can recommend it to too many of my followers here, since some of you might not like how serious it can get. Here's a good example, if anyone's curious to see what I'm talking about. If you're not bothered by this kind of stuff and/or can look past it, the whole thing's a great watch!

One last one for now, and it's finally something that's not too old! While I haven't seen every season of Regular Show, I thought the first two seasons were simply brilliant. Anyone who's seen this one no doubt remembers "send it to the moon", "summertime lovin', lovin in the summertime", "my mom", among so many other memorable lines and such. I enjoyed it so much, it's one of the few cartoons I tracked down on Blu-Ray (the first two seasons, anyway). It's crazy in all the best ways. Hm, hm, hm!

Now, as for favorite characters...

I'll admit, I've had so many over the years. In fact, at one point, I considered it somewhat of a hobby to keep track of them all and even list them on some of my social media sites (that was some time ago, on accounts unrelated to this one, and said lists no longer exist now). I won't go into all of them, but I can list quite a few!

RJ the raccoon, from Dreamworks' "Over the Hedge". He's just a fun, smooth-talking character who's quite entertaining to watch. He was really high up my list for the longest time, and while that's not so true anymore, I'm still quite the fan of him (and the movie, itself).

Impmon, from the aforementioned "Digimon Tamers". Anyone who's into Digimon certainly knows about him, and how he easily became the show's most complex character. I don't want to spoil everything, since his journey is legit great, but Impmon starts out as someone who's not so friendly, but he slowly warms up to the good guys little-by-little... until something happens that leaves him completely and utterly humiliated. With his ego smashed and desperate for power, he makes a deal with one of the villains, who grants him exactly what he wants, under the condition he goes after the heroes. Despite doing some terrible stuff, he's spared, and he ends up realizing all the horrible mistakes he's made and then tries to do his best to make up for all the harm he's caused. To be honest, my description here really doesn't do him justice, so it's really something you need to check out yourself. Most fans will happily admit it's easily a big highlight of the whole Digimon franchise.

He's arguably one of the best Digimon characters, period. His journey is memorable, and I really found myself rooting for the character and hoping he'd turn out okay in the end. Honestly, he still remains one of my biggest favorites to this day.

Bolt, from Disney's "Bolt". This isn't one of their better movies, but I still think Bolt, himself is pretty darn great... and cute, too. Much like Impmon, I just really liked his journey, from a dog who believed the TV show he starred in was real, to coming to terms with just who and what he really is. Again, I don't wish to spoil it for those who haven't seen it, but it's pretty good... and quite touching, if you ask me. Special shout out to the part when Bolt just takes in life by letting the rain drop on his face for the first time... it's easily a favorite moment of mine, and cemented just how much I came to love the character.

If you haven't seen Bolt, I certainly recommend it! And Bolt, himself... he's a pretty cool pup. A good boy, for sure.

Panchito Pistoles, a Disney character who first appeared in the 1944 animated movie "The Three Caballeros". No doubt some of you might recognize him more from the 2018 "Legend of the Three Caballeros".

There's actually not a whole lot I can say about him, in terms of any sort of character development and whatnot. Truth is, along with his excellent design, I just flat out love this wacky character. He's always so full of energy, and as such, he's just so crazy entertaining. I won't say he's one of the best Disney characters or anything, but he's someone that always gives me a big smile when he shows up.

Hokey Wolf, a character from some really old Hanna-Barbera cartoons. (He's the one on the right, btw.)

I'll admit, most folks probably haven't heard of this character. You won't see him much nowadays, and I think he's only been in the background of a few Jellystone! episodes. Despite that, he's, in my opinion, a rather memorable character, at least in the older cartoons that introduced him. Much like RJ, he's another smooth talker, which in hindsight, seems to be a trait that I like. It just makes characters like him a lot of fun to watch, especially if they can pull off whatever they'd planned. Beyond that, I also really like his design. Admittedly, I took an interest in wolves because of him, and I even thought about getting into making my own animations due to Hokey, too. The character became a bit special to me, I suppose you could say.

Going back to Looney Tunes, many of its characters became favorites of mine, too. The one on the left, Charlie Dog, is the star of some of my favorite shorts, including the one in which he goes on about how great of a dog he is because he's [apparently] numerous breeds in one (50% pointer, 50% boxer, 50% sitter... Irish sitter, 50% watch dog, 50% spits, 50% Doberman Pincher, but he's "mostly" all Labrador Retriever). He's always looking for a master, and though he can be a little too pushy, his attempts at trying to look appealing as "man's best friend" never cease to amuse me.

And then there's Bugs Bunny, who is probably the very first character I ever became a huge fan of. I just love this wascally wabbit, due to his humor, personality, characteristics, design, charm... everything! His cartoons never fail to get a good laugh out of me. Although the stuff he appears in nowadays isn't as good as those classic shorts from way back then, I still say he's easily one of the greatest cartoon characters to ever exist, period. Dude's a legend, peroid.

And I better stop here, before this post gets any longer. lol

[pasharuu]

i gotta post all of my old bullshit because everything that is new is more interesting imo.

the measurements on the pic make almost no sense, but i like it anyway, its a banger. the purpose was to find out how long will it take to grow a tree that is 7 arapacatis tall, which is a crucial piece*.

the results are: it takes roughly 4-10 years for a tree to grow 7 arapacatis tall (~4.55 m). this number depends a lot on the type of tree we are talking about, but since it wasnt specified, im making it about "a tree". however its a fact that it cant be shorter than 4 years, but may be longer than 10.

and it also says that this type of aranara is ~65 cm tall without leaves, although arapacati (alongside with arama) has a little bigger model compared to others, so others are a little shorter, i bet for 1 to 4 cm. you can also feel free to take 1 or 2 cm because i measured from the top of the cap for whatever reason.

why i need these? first, just out of curiosity, because i wanted to know for how long the brothers were wandering in the forest. second, this tells me that arama is older than 4-10 years**, since he is the only one implified to be younger than 500.

araphala's note says that 40 moons passed since unknown moment, which is rougly 3 and a half years, if we say that "moons" mean moon cycles, each of which is equal to about a month. we are not talking about how that leaf didnt rot for so long, at least from autumn to spring it should have rotten already. arapas' note is still difficult to understand tbh, i just wonder if it ever snows in sumeru... and if it does, it may be different from classic continental seasons changing (for example in india, on which dharma forest was likely based, in most of the country it almost never snows). there are just too many uncertainties that wont let me use these notes to measure time.

after every such essay even i question my sanity, so if it happens to you too, its a normal thing. dont forget to drink water.

* arapacati herself measured the time that passed since the moment when she kicked her bros by quote "many, many moons ago, when the seedlings had just sprouted. but now they are already big trees, big enough to keep the rain off aranara! its seven arapacatis tall!"

** at that moment, "when the seedlings had just sprouted", arama was already in vanarana. he told us that he had not witnessed the cataclysm because he "wasnt even a seed then" and to him these are just stories, not memories.

[theharrowing]

No, because, imagine if you wrote Boy Blue today.

Before, your chapters were short and you progressed the story along fairly fast (but in a more day-to-day style.) But now, you write these long, cinematic chapters, where the twists are turns and hints are a little more hidden, given in a way that itches at you. (I'm talking about Collateral, if that isn't clear.) And I just...god. The power. The horrifyingly magnificent power.

Of course, you probably wouldn't make longer chapters with all those screen caps (as I read Boy Blue in real time, I always thought, "wow they really post 20-40 pictures, that has to be annoying as hell.") But I imagine the written parts would be longer, and...GOD! JUST IMAGINE! ARE YOU IMAGINING?

well, hello, anon! 💙

people sure are in a boy blue moon lately hehehe. yeah, wow, imagine if some of the scenes (especially in the later chapters) were written today...it would be A Lot™. it already is A Lot™ but it would be Even More A Lot™.

i actually did go back and give the fic an edit, adding a little bit to each scene to beef it up just a bit more, but it is still nowhere near as cinematic, as you put it. that's a fun way to describe Collateral, especially now that things are becoming a little more action-packed. i would still make the hints as clear/obvious as i did in Boy Blue the first go 'round, only because i really wanted the reader to follow along and pick up on them. but i wonder if there is anything i would have set up differently. although it's a pretty fun mystery, at times, it also feels like a more immature work compared to others i have done. like maybe some of my stunts are a bit juvenile compared to now? but considering it was a college au for much of the story, juvenile also seems to fit the vibe (feat. jimin of bts.)

this is actually one of the reasons i am nervous about White Lie. i am nervous for many reasons, but one of the big ones is that my writing style has changed a lot and i'm not sure how that will translate to the sequel. there will definitely be much longer written parts. any text message or social media additions will remain as long because, as you said, posting those screen shots..............sigh...........that was the worst part. but it is fun to read fics like that! i won't deny it. and although i do like using those caps as a storytelling device, it does become A Lot™ at times. we'll see what happens.

thanks for thinking about me! and my silly works! i hope you're enjoying Collateral and looking forward to everything else!!!!! 💙

[mavigator]

opinions on Chara, if you have some? I like hearing your thoughts

i wanted to make a longer post but BASICALLY. i very strongly dislike the common (glares) fanon interpretation of chara as a cold-blooded killer that does nothing but manipulate frisk into slaughtering everyone because they’re (checks notes) evil. to be quite honest, i find that interpretation incredibly boring.

i’m a fan of the narrator chara theory/headcanon, mostly because i find the concept of frisk staring at a plant until chara goes It’s a plant. Frisk. It’s a plant. very funny, but it also plays into my interpretation of chara because, like… they don’t give off a single hint of being evil if you do true pacifist.

from what we CANONICALLY learn about chara, we know they were an abused kid whose trauma led them to hate humanity (as traumatized children can and will globalize) that eventually ‘sacrificed’ themself in an attempt to free monsterkind. asriel says that they might not have been the best person, but i don’t think that means they were evil. i don’t think kids are even capable of being evil. it makes much more sense to just interpret that line as ‘they were a troubled kid acting out and making poor decisions due to their upbringing’.

if you DO complete a genocide run, chara gets pretty murder-y, which leads to the common fan interpretation of their character. HOWEVER. in their dialogue right before you erase the world, they say something along the lines of ‘i now know the purpose of my reincarnation’. they woke up, literally from the dead, confused and disoriented. the player guides them in one direction or another. i’m of the belief that chara is just along for the ride and the player is the actual, you know, cold-blooded killer. if they so choose to be.

[yellowocaballero]

May I ask about your future writing plans? Love your Star Wars and MK fanfictions!(⑉°з°)-♡

Oh boy.

Yeah, I've been jumping around a bit, huh. I'm not really someone with a lot of WIPs going at once, so I can only really say what's happening this fortnight before something else happens next month. The only time I work on two things simultaneously is if one thing is frustrating me so much I keep detouring to work on something else. Which is happening. So...

Currently almost done with the MK Frenchie fic. Uncertain what I'm going to do with it - quality is below what I want to maintain for the main MK series, but it's also like 50k words so it might be too long to just stick as a chapter in Letter Column or on Tumblr. I might have to smack it with even more rewrites and then just man up and post it individually in the series. You can typically tell how much trouble I'm having with a story by the amount of cut content at the bottom of the doc, and the doc is 40% cut content.

I am fucking finally writing the Stephanie Brown Batman fanfic again. I'm not even going to talk about it too much in case I jinx it. I really want to finish it ASAP, so this'll probably be finished before the Frenchie thing. It's 3/4ths of the way through and 60k, so give me maybe two weeks max. This one will absolutely be exclusively for me and it is not the content literally anybody wants, but it's very special to me.

There's also a backlog to-do list, which includes:

The best life Daredevil-Punisher fic. The idea is extremely good but I need to actually figure out how to make it a writable idea. I can't not do anything with "Karen Page is the Punisher", though.

Promised a friend that I'd write her Fox & Leia's Double Date for her birthday, so that's on the list too. That one may stay private.

There's a few other unfinished Star Wars fics kicking around my drive that I put down because I was no longer stressed enough to be writing them. I would still like to finish them, so when I get stressed out again they will be finished.

As a general rule, if I mean to write something it'll be written. If it takes longer than usual then it's because I got distracted with a lot of other ideas while writing it. I am generally terrible at predicting what I'm going to write next (if you scroll back in my blog you will see "I'm only ever going to write one Star Wars fic" and "I'm not writing Moon Knight"), but I would say don't wait on any big Star Wars stuff and that I'm wading through Marvel. The MK series is a trilogy but the last story in it may or may not be writable so I can't say whether or not it will be written. At the very least it would have to be the final work in the best life MK universe. More MK beyond Frenchie will happen, but I don't have any strong ideas right now. I don't really know what my next bigger project will be!

If anybody's wondering if there will be Disco Elysium fic, I'm not going to paint on the Mona Lisa (But see above on me swearing not to write SW and MK).

[superwholockian93]

I posted 12,462 times in 2022

40 posts created (0%)

12,422 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@theydjarin

@imposterogers

@gretchenzellerbarnes

@1shirt2shirtredshirtdeadshirt

@akasanata

I tagged 12,089 of my posts in 2022

Only 3% of my posts had no tags

#star wars - 626 posts

#star trek - 573 posts

#the sandman - 525 posts

#spirk - 379 posts

#our flag means death - 378 posts

#eclipse the series - 362 posts

#ofmd - 339 posts

#kinnporsche the series - 329 posts

#not me the series - 323 posts

#moon knight - 319 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#queer but only in spanish oh the drama! the english release says you're straight. the latin american dub says you're queer. which is it? sch

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Updates from The Eclipse Talk (including P'Golf, P'Yokee, P'Prapt) about Kanthua/Neolouis:

1. P'Aof directly casted Neolouis along with First Khaotung without any auditions (actually, they were already looking for scripts for them so P'Prapt wrote the novel, KT sent photos of his tattoos to P'Aof etc etc)

2. Kanlong was the most difficult character for the author to write (Akk being the easiest because the novel version is just like the author) because he was a bit cartoonish/manga/anime-like with his nature (the show doesn't really do justice to that side of it)

3. Because Neo asked for his character to be serious, the staff accommodated and the writer also wrote back stories for Kanthua in the series

4. Due to Neolouis' acting and chemistry, a lot of their romantic scenes were improvised on set (they're not in the scripts!) and therefore, increased. (Louis said this in an interview and I cannot recall if this was mentioned in today's talk?😂 Sorry 😂)

5. This is definitely mentioned in the novel but because they also asked will say - Kan means horny; his name is actually just Long so his name means "Horny Long"

6. Oh, Kan doesn't actually have internalised homophobia. He is just afraid to confess to a friend

7. Edited: They said acting for Louis was a bit of a challenge because of the difficult nature of Thua's character

(Will post about First - Khaotung in sometime)

60 notes - Posted October 10, 2022

#4

The Adam Project is about a teen Ryan Reynolds who has two sets of parents - his actual parents and Future Him & Future Him’s Wife

94 notes - Posted March 15, 2022

#3

I hope there's enough noise on Twitter that Disney notices we want Cody in season 2 and then they give us a variation of that script

101 notes - Posted July 2, 2022

#2

Part 2 of the Eclipse Talk:

1. GMMTV was already looking to cast First Khaotung as a couple; they were waiting for the right script makes sense cuz they've been shipped off screen for far longer and GMMTV usually gets pairs with good chemistry and years long friendship

2. P'Prapt (the writer) was actually commissioned to write a bl novel in a school setting with political inclinations - the rest of it is his inspiration

3. His inspiration besides 1984 was Love, Simon because of the coming off age/self discovery thing

4. P'Aof (Director of Bad Buddy/ATOTS) was given the script and directly asked the 4 main leads to be casted and asked Khaotung if he had tattoos - all the tattoos in the series are his own

5. KT has a harder time to get out of the character and leaned more into the Ayan being depressed thing unlike the novel

6. The author came up with their MBTIs on spot. I think Akk was INFP. Not sure on this one

7. The staff really wanted to make sure that the show was queer friendly and felt inclusive to people of other races too (like in the café scene)

8. Unlike other Bls, they didn't want to waste time on the characters dwelling on having feelings for people of the same gender - they're all comfortable with the sexualities but hindered by their respective problems/nature

9. The ultimate message of the show isn't just about self acceptance in terms of sexual orientation or gender but just coming into terms with who you are (for example, Wat, Sani) and being true to yourself and accepting who you are

(If I recall anything else, will add later)

142 notes - Posted October 11, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

When Morpheus stomps away and we have Hob waiting for him, playing songs with the lyrics "she drives me crazy", waiting for her, moving on, one after the other was sure a choice.

514 notes - Posted August 7, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[nigelgraz]

hi hii!! what kind of music do you like listening to? do you have any favourite playlists? i feel like you have great taste so i'd love recs!

Hiii!! My favorite music genres are post punk, Jrock, alternative/industrial metal and shoegaze but i also listen to pretty much everything else too!!

Unfortunately i don't have a playlist i can share bc Spotify is banned in my country lol but here are some of the songs in my favorite go-to playlist i listen to daily!! Sorry if it's long! :'D

Snow White, Romance and Dress by Buck-Tick

This Picture and You Don't Care About Us by Placebo

Your Master Is Calling by Pink Turns Blue

Cemetery and Age of Consent by New Order

Swamp Thing and In Shreds by The Chameleons

Cherry-coloured Funk and Heaven or Las Vegas by Cocteau Twins

Killing Moon by Echo and the Bunnymen

Rachael by She Wants Revenge

Machine Gun, Alison, No Longer Making Time and 40 Days by Slowdive

Let It Rain by Living Things

Knife Party and Digital Bath by Deftones

Little Sister and Melt by Siouxsie and the Banshees

Charlotte Sometimes and Disintegration by The Cure

Dissonance by Hammock

Any Day Now by Elbow

Bloodhail by Have a Nice Life

Love Will Tear Us Apart by Joy Division

Kiss Me Untill My Lips Fall Off by Lebanon Hanover

Adorations by Killing Joke

In My Head and Nothing Lasts by Bedroom

Au Revoir and Aegen by Malice Mizer

Muscle Museum by Muse

Wolf Moon by Type O Negative

Schizophrenia and Superstar by Sonic Youth

Worlock by Skinny Puppy

Just Like Honey and Happy When It Rains by The Jesus and Mary Chain

I think that's enough for now hehe

I hope you like them!!♡ and if you want let me know what you think!! I just. love music A Lot so i love hearing others talk abt it too skjgd

[swinterr]

fic rec vi ♡

hi!

this is a another new set of fic rec and i’ll probably do a compilation of genre (?) just like the first ones.

made some changes like tidying up a bit and adding summary, for those that doesn’t have any summary i’ll try my best to add my own summary (it will probably be shit tho, i ain’t making a smut summary guys, i’m not confident in my describing a fic ability but i’ll try my best. if its in italic it means i made the summary hehez )  if the summary is shit, i made it okay.

read and support the fic and authors here: the fic rec ♡

a for angst

f for fluff

s for smut

// for series or list

nct 

jeno

no title by @tyongf-nct | s

- smut blurb.

body guards and boyfriend by @pastelsicheng | f

-  sometimes the only way you can really get some alone time with your boyfriend is by making his job hard.

lipstick smears by @kopikokun | f

-  jeno never thought trying to get his makeup artist’s attention would be this hard.

jaehyun

[10:30] by @moonttaeil | 

- a lockdown moment.

[2:40] by @nct-jungjaehyun | f a

- cute quality fluff time with bf!jae with a dash of angst.

[11:41] by @jeongvision | f 

- family time with apples.

just like magic by @starryhyuck | f s

-  jung jaehyun’s body count is almost as high as yours. however, after yuta spreads a nasty rumor, you learn that jaehyun’s always imagined those girls to be you instead.

love to hate me by @moonctzeny | s a 

-  you and jaehyun meet as sm trainees, developing a friendship until he debuts and you decided to leave the company and pursue a solo career. when you reunite again in a music show and he acts like he barely knows you, you stubbornly begin a series of hate-brimmed sex rendez-vous. your touch-and-go relationship continues on, until a song collaboration will force you both to deal with all your repressed feelings for each other.

moving on by @ddeonghwaa | f a

- reader has been chasing jae for some time but when she moved on jae suddenly enter the picture.

sun&moon by @ppangjae | f a

-  asking jeong jaehyun to accompany you to your family’s 1-week christmas vacation as your boyfriend has its consequences. one can surely get through 1 week of pretending to be in love with an enemy, right?

snack run with a snack by @kopikokun | f 

-  on your usual movie night with the members, they assign you sudden snack collecting duty. you’re a little peeved, but at least jaehyun offers to tag along. Unfortunately for you, things really aren’t going in your favour tonight.

lover boy by @neoct-zen | f s

- bunch fics of lover boy jae and reader.

jungwoo

one more time, please by @haequarius | f s

-  you don’t know what you and Jungwoo are, but you are certainly weak for him.

jealous by @whiplashsan | s 

-  jungwoo is all smiles and sunshine until he gets jealous, and he just so happens to get jealous over the smallest things when it comes to you.

doyoung

sugar, spice and everything not nice by @alreadyblondenow | s

-  doyoung getting your ring size wrong, unprotected sex, kitchen sex, slight fingering, wedding tragedies.

no title by @ncteaxhoe | s

- dom!doyoung, rough? i need holy water.

the little one by @ethaeriyeol | f 

-  a gift of life; female reader x husband!Doyoung; fluff, light angst, married au

lucas

exquisite taste by @weishenkonbini | s f

- smut but with a fluffy ending.

for you always by @labyrinthsofyou | f

-  in which you surprise yukhei when he forgets about your date.

6:19 by @cozykpopblurbs | f

- a cute fluff ft kun and winwin.

10:18 pm by @nctsoftarchives | f

- reader supports lucas at his superm debut stage. 

16:47 by @sichengssmile | f s 

- a fluffy smut. lucas a big boi.

missed you by @tokyobts | a f

-  after you and yukhei broke up, yukhei still has feelings for you. he reaches out to you at school and tries to get you back. at first you avoid him but later his actions manage to make your heart flutter. you’ve come to a sudden conclusion that you maybe still want him in your life.

johnny

34 + 35 by @domjaehyun | s 

- you and your husband johnny decide to take your marriage to the next step.

i couldn’t wait a little longer by @alreadyblondenow | s f a

-  you two were never together longer than two days, but the feelings, oh the feelings that you have for each other is clear as the day. it was a never-ending try of making the relationship official. johnny tried, you tried but it never happens.

what happens in korea, not stays in korea by @alreadyblondenow | f s 

-  a week vacation in korea for your sister’s wedding became even more exciting when a famous dj had a crush on you. johnny was sure that it’s love at first sight. not putting both of your careers on the line, you two had no regrets when the time comes and you finally leave.

laundry day by @immabiteyou | s

- a domestic fluffy smut.

make a wish by @sluttyten | s f a

-  you’re jungwoo’s sister, and he’s made it clear he wants you and Johnny to have nothing to do with each other. so you and johnny start fake dating to piss him off.

want it all by @sluttyten | f s 

-  you are entirely innocent to the point of being naive. johnny is not innocent, but he loves that you are because it means he can teach you everything you don’t know.

sungchan

wish i was her by @softsungchan | f a 

-  you wished you were her, laying in Sungchan’s arms and feeling his warm breath on your neck, giggling about sweet nothings whispered into the starry night. You wished for it to be you, the girl he liked.

2:21 am by @the32ndbeat | f 

- sungchan being whipped, thru a text message.

haechan

14:52 by @ukiyoexo | f

- a cute haechan and reader ft the reader’s baby sister moment.

prince’s order by @nsheetee | f

-  prince haechan nurses you after you faint, and orders you to stay with him until you feel better.

sweet treat by @markresonates | s

-  haechan takes you for ice cream but all you can think about is sex with him.  when you act like a brat, eventually you end up in the bathroom. with no panties. 

clingy by @love-mi | f 

-  I’m not clingy! I just love your company and constantly want to be around you and have your full attention at all times

mark

hyuck is always right by @luvrenjun00 | f 

- ceo!mark x reader ft baby donghyuck. a tooth-rotting fluff.

taeyong

snow storm by @whereisten | f s 

- a fluffy smut whilst a snow storm.

1:59 by @smoll-tangerine | f

- reader and taeyong ft my favorite game (where i always die first) among us!

bts

taehyung

is this allowed 1 2 by @seokiie  | f s

- how were you supposed to know bts would be filming at your coffee shop today? how were you supposed to know a certain curly-haired boy would take a liking  to you?

cabin pressure | f by @jiminrings | f 

-  pilot!y/n who accidentally became famous bc of a viral post about her, best friend!jimin!, taehyung having a shy lil crush on you aND ot7 being meanies for a tad bit :((

art major!tae and biochem major!yn | f by @jiminrings | f

-  tae’s cold and probably needs a friend more than he needs a model, y/n feels this nEED to take care of him, a term of enderment then a dash of emotional constipation and a sprinkle of jealousy :D

gank mid lane by @kimtaehyunq | f s 

- gank / verb: (in a video game) use underhand means to defeat or kill (a less experienced opponent)

birthday surprise by @ephemeralkookie |

-  like every year, you prepare a little surprise for your boyfriend’s birthday, one that you’ve been preparing for days. and after a very tiring day, taehyung only wants to spend the night in your loving arms.

jungkook

cookies & cream | s by @1kook | f s 

-  jungkook will watch a thousand cheesy christmas movies if it meant making you happy. (and maybe having his dick sucked.)

unholy night | s by @ephemeralkookie | f s

-  after a christmas day passed with the Jeon’s family, Jungkook decides to transform the holy night into an unholy one.

‘a short’ abstinence | s a by @seokiie | s a

-  maybe blue-balling you boyfriend (who has an insanely high sexual drive) wasn’t the best.

in which she’s done with him by @minstrivia | a

-  jungkook angst/fluff where he always pushes oc away (who confesses her feelings but was cruelly rejected) and insults her but she always comes back to take care of him when he’s drunk or picks him up from his one night stands and she finally decides to leave him alone.

bad influence by @noteguk | s 

-  in which you know jungkook is a bad influence on you, but you can’t avoid falling for him every time.

jock!jk and shy art major!yn by @jiminrings | f

-  established relationship ft. jock!jk and shy art major!y/n, y/n gets an unexpected pep talk and jungkook doubts himself, and either so much tears or so much dUST according to kook

special affair by @1oserjk | f

-  sugar daddy au except it’s just jk spoiling u thru animal crossing

fairy of shampoo by @ironicarmy | f s

-  sundays are for relaxation, house cleaning, and happiness.

abstract ft bob ross by @mimithings97 | f

-  paintbrush in one hand, joint in the other and you sitting on his dick is what jeongguk wants. and what jeongguk wants, jeongguk gets.

badboy!jungkook by @jungshookz | f 

- badboy!jungkook falls for good girl reader ft the boys and the reader’s apple. 

growing by @lesgetittkookie | f

- dad!jungkook teacher his daughter how to walk. super super cute family/domestic fluff.

quiet, baby by @bratkook | s 

- i don’t how to write a summary on smuts so imma just put this. reader and jungkook doing something in the subway.

still want that by @whatifyoulivelikethat | s

-  fucking min yoongi ex-girlfriend? a terrible idea. being hopelessly in love with her at the same time? an even worse idea. knowing he was being used and still doing it anyway? ah, Jeon Jungkook, what are you doing? part 2 of savage love.

desiderium by @jeonggukingdom | f s 

-  “we’ve been at it like rabbits, how are you still so horny?”. a newlyweds!au smut.

chapstick by @softyoongiionly | f s

- based on the time Jungkook said he needed someone to scold him so he’d remember to put lip balm on. or jungkook’s had a really long day and the only that can make it better, is seeing you. 

lover boy by @jingukk | f 

-  jungkook likes you. a lot.

unexpected confession by @sunkissedjk | f

-  you gathered up the courage to confess your feelings, but it seems everyone in school knows about it before you could even find him.

string attached by @ephemeralkookie | s

-  jungkook is what we can call your sexfriend. No strings attached, just you and him having fun and releasing the huge pressure and stress of being idols. But after spending an entire day together, you realize that maybe he’s not just your sexfriend.

no title by @himbojk | f s 

- dilf jk.

astro

eunwoo

ceo!eunwoo by @m0onbean

no title by @yutopiada | f

- a cute idol!reader and eunwoo moment at a music show.

disney by @bangchan-sonyeondan | f

- a cute date with eunwoo at disney. reader likes vintage things hence using a disposable camera.

baby, it’s cold outside by @fresh-outta-jams | f 

- a cute cold christmas fluff with eunwoo ft. the boys. reader went to the boys’ place for a sweater and cocoa gift exchange.

got7

yugyeom

cruel brothers by @imsarabum | f

-  jackson and jaebum have always acted as if they were your big, overprotective brothers. so when they both walk in on you and yugyeom in a very intimate position, things get a little tense!

txt

soobin

a special night by @gyuluster | f

-  an intimate insight on the first night of choi soobin’s wedding, consisting of kitchen floors, witches and an eternity of love.

boughs & branches by @jeogiyall | f 

-  decorating the tree with boyfriend! choi soobin from txt! fluffity fluff fluff with a lot of cute fluff thrown in and a dash of christmastime fluff. 

sleepy binnie by @immabiteyou | s

-  “i’ll let you do anything if you just touch me now. “ a sleepy soobin smut.

cake by @immabiteyou | s

- reading waiting for mc soobin with the guys. a cute fluffy smut moment.

kpop oc/s

seri by @ggukkiedae

anyway, thank you again for the writers please take care and be safe!

please free to recommend your favorite fic that i haven’t feature yet.

if the links won’t work and i labelled some fics wrong please let me know and i’ll try to fix it as soon as possible!

support the fic and the writers!

[hobis-hope94]

~ Captivity 4 ~

AN: these are quite short but I promise they’re getting longer :)

Characters: f!reader, Bucky Barnes and some HYDRA agent. Reader’s mum is mentioned.

Warnings: immature jokes about the planet Uranus? But other than that this one is a little fluffy with an angst ending.

⭐️ Part Three ⭐️

https://fangirllife98.tumblr.com/post/660111221422522368/captivity-3

(gif not mine)

“Month two:

I promised I’d tell you about the moon and stars didnt I? Well, my little one, when it turns dark at nights, beautiful stars show.

There’s billions of them, and they’ve all been shining before you were born. Before I was born! Before humans came along, stars were always there. Crazy to think, isn’t it?

The moon is stunning. The shadow of the sun on the other side of the world can cast the shadow over the moon, it can make a half moon. That’s beautiful. Oh, if the moon looks like it’s got a face, don’t be scared. It’s not a real face. I’ve named the moon, silly really but I miss seeing it more than the sun.

There’s more than just our planet too. There’s a planet called Uranus, and when you grow older, you’ll find the name of that planet very very funny. It makes me giggle today. Oh, and recent discoveries have been found that there’s a ring around Uranus … gross, right???? Ahaha. I did let out a little snort of laughter, I hope I made you laugh.

One of the first dates i was ever taken on, was to see the Northern Lights. It’s breath taking. I hope you get to see it. It’s a date I always remember, and I ended up marrying him. Your dad. Who was here with me, and he kept me sane. I’ll talk about him next.

But my little darling, when you get out of here, take your boyfriend or girlfriend or partner to see the Northern Lights. It’s so romantic and beautiful. It’ll knock their socks off.

I love you my little darling. So much.

Your loving mom xxx”

——

“Have you ever seen the moon?” You asked Bucky, he had come back from his day of torture.

He didn’t tell you anything about what they did to him, you didn’t want to know.

“I have. But not since the 40’s,” Bucky sighed tearfully.

He allowed himself to cry in your company. You comforted him when he cried. He comforted you when you cried.

“What’s it like?” You asked, a little jealous.

“Big. Round. Yellowish. Sometimes it can go red,” Bucky said, smiling fondly as he remembered the moon.

“Red?? A red moon???” You asked, gobsmacked.

Bucky laughed a little at your stunned expression.

“Yep. It’s quite a sight,” Bucky said gently.

“Wow. Did you know there’s a ring around Uranus?” You asked, wanting to hear Bucky’s beautiful laugh again.

Bucky actually wheezed with laughter. You smiled. His laughter was beautiful, it made your heart sing.

Yours made his heart sing. You two made it your mission to make each other laugh at least once a day.

“How did you know that?” Bucky asked after he calmed down.

“My mom told me in one of her letters. She said it used to make her laugh too,” you said smiling softly.

“Well. It is funny,” Bucky said gently, resting his head against the wall.

“It is. Imagine thinking that was a good name for a planet,” you giggled, making Bucky giggle too.

Once your laughters have calmed down, you sighed rather happily.

“Only 18 days until my birthday now,” you said, looking at the calendar.

“Well. How does one celebrate birthdays in HYDRA? Since I don’t remember when mine is, it’s never bothered me,” Bucky said gently, your heart stung a little.

“I don’t really. I just know it’s my birthday, so I … I just kinda sit here. Wish myself happy birthday, then do nothing,” you sigh heavily. “It’s stupid really. I’ve never had a party, never gotten a birthday present. Never had someone wish me happy birthday.”

Bucky’s heart sank. He felt sad he never spoke to you sooner. He was told he wasn’t allowed to speak to anyone, unless spoken to. So that’s what he did.

“When we get out of here, on your first freedom birthday, I’m spoiling you rotten,” Bucky promised softly.

“I hope you can really keep all these promises, Bucky,” you said gently.

“I promise, Y/N. I will,” Bucky said gently, swearing to himself that he would.

“I promise to find out your birthday and celebrate with you,” you said gently.

“…March 10th,” Bucky said, it suddenly dawning on him. You were helping him remember life before HYDRA.

“I’m sorry?” You asked gently.

“March 10th 1917 ….that’s my birthday,” Bucky said, sighing with relief when he finally remembered.

“Well. There you go. I said it would come back to you, didn’t I?” You said proudly, as you found March 10th on your calendar and wrote Bucky’s birthday to remind yourself.

Bucky smiled.

“Thank you,” he said gently.

“For what?” You asked gently.

“You’re helping me remember my life before I was held captive here,” Bucky said gently.

You smiled.

“You’re helping me remember there’s still good in the world,” he said truthfully, your smile grew bigger.

Both of your cell doors swung open.

“Stand up, Number 12,” the agent snapped.

You shot up. You felt scared. You had already handed in your recent file.

“Come with me,” he snapped at you.

“Where are you taking me?” You asked, with a shakey breath as you heard Bucky being pulled out of his cell against his will.

“None of your business,” the agent snapped.

He grabbed you, and placed a bag over your head. You learnt early on not to question. Your heart raced as you were dragged along somewhere.

You were forced into a chair, with a bag still on your head, you felt handcuffs tying you down. You heard the same happen to someone else across the room.

The bag came off your head and you were greeted by a Caucasian male, blue eyes, clean shaved, brunette long hair….Bucky. Bucky’s eyes widened at you. You stared at each other. This isn’t how you wanted to meet.

You didn’t know what was going to come next.

—-

✨ tag list ✨

@sebastianstansqueen

@doll1917

@ek823

@yep-thats-mee

[murfeelee]

Simblr Asks - TS3

Saw these questions by Teauke on my dash, and y’all know I love talking/ranting about The Sims; let’s go! ^0^

1. how big is your mods folder?

That’s my mods folder with only mods/hacks/overrides; no CAS or build/buy CC installed. It’s a miracle that nothing conflicts, at least not as far as I can tell.

2. how would you describe your style? A sporadic mix of tv/gaming fandom-inspired conversions and recreations, of mostly fanciful and/or cultural themes & genres.

3. What is your favorite challenge? I’m a builder at heart, so I love recreating lots and interiors. Challenges where we find IRL rooms/scenes and remake them in TS3 are always the most fun for me.

4. do you make cc? if so, what kind? I make fanciful & cultural custom content (occult, sci-fi, boho, etc). I make CAS CC sometimes, but I prefer making buy/build CC.

5. what type of cc do you hoard? Not everything, but a lot. As creators retire and links die, I’m even more paranoid than I already was that CC will no longer be available anywhere.

6. what default eyes and skin do you use? I don’t use default-replacement skintones, but I do use Buhudain’s You Are Real mod.

As for eye defaults, I absolutely love Moonskin’s Shiny Glass replacements.

7. how many urls have you had, and what are the meanings behind them? All of my simming URLs on MTS, TSR, the officials, and Tumblr are some variation of my first name, Murfee Lee. Because yes, I am that darn creative.

8. who is your favorite gameplay blog? 9. who is your favorite storytelling blog? Ugh, there are too many good ones out there.

10. who is your favorite cc creator? All of my favorite creators retired years ago: DyM/Hekate999 (fantasy build/buy), Parsimonious (everything), Luna (everything build/buy), Qingshuangtongzi (Asian everything), Amethyst (Asian CAS), Art-Sims (CAS everything), etc. I swear, the day Sandy/ATS3 (everything build/buy) retires is the day I’m having a panic attack.

11. how do you edit your photos? Badly. Tweak the brightness & contrast and call it a effing day.

12. what is the last screenshot you took? It’s a surprise.

13. what do you do when you are unmotivated? I am never “unmotivated,” so much as I am distracted. I think the reason I’ve simmed so long is strictly because I’m always inspired by fandoms. If I get distracted by a tv/game, it becomes my next muse (aka current obsession). It’s not that I get unmotivated to finish the old stuff I pretty much abandon, it’s just that there aren’t enough hours in the day for me to do everything I want. Sometimes I return to older saves/gameplay. Most times I don’t though--unless someone messages me wanting to see it again (and that’s effing rare). 

14. who is your current favorite sim? Sakura and Nasir are my alltime favorite sims. But I must admit that I patted myself on the back pretty dang hard when I created Tsukihime-Sama for my Moon Medicine gameplay. I love every sim I made for that gameplay (which I really need to finish one day, ugh), but my Lunar Moth Goddess? 👌

15. who is your current favorite sim that is not by you? Every sim that @obscurus-noctem​​ is out here sacrificing goats in order to create. It’s just disgusting how pretty everything on their blog is. Those mersims? Those graphics? That editing? Makes me effing sick. 

16. recreate someone else’s sim in your style. I think I saw a challenge like this a few months/years ago, but never did it. But I DID do the Picrew version.

17. do you talk about sims with people in real life? One of my professors plays SimCity. Naturally, we bonded over how wack EA is. ^_^

18. how many of the packs do you own? All of them, except the Stuff Packs. Barring Fast Lane and Movie Stuff, none of the other SPs are worth the price; it’s just build/buy/CAS CC any MaxisMatch creator.could make for free. I’ve always felt that way about SPs, which is why I never bothered with them in TS1 or TS2 either. I will say though, that TS4′s SPs are something else entirely, which brings me to #24 (see below).

19. how many posts do you have on your blog currently? 2764. JESUS.

20. how many drafts do you have on your blog currently? 363. U_U And most of those are CC sets & gameplay posts I never finished.  

21. how many posts are in your queue currently? It’s a secret. ^_^

22. have you ever moved blogs? Never. I never even changed my theme or URL.

23. are you in any sims related discord servers? Yes, the Creators Cave, but I effing hate Discord; it’s just a royal pain to navigate, IMO.

24. what are your thoughts on the most recent pack? (paranormal) Speaking of Stuff Packs!

RANT ALERT!

If anything, TS4′s SPs are doing way too much (adding new gameplay, careers, lifestates/NPCs, lots, etc!? WUT.) Or rather, its EPs aren’t doing nearly enough. I love that TS4′s SPs add meaningful content. But if they’re raising their bar, that means the Expansion Packs need to rise by the same degree, to stay relevant, if anything.

But EA, in their infinite ineptitude, seems to be scaling back with their EPs! Cutting what should be 1 cohesive EP into multiple SPs & GPs piecemeals the content and cheats people out of money, by having us pay more for less! The TS4 SPs do a lot, yes, but now let’s talk about the Paranormal SP for example:

Paranormal Stuff does perhaps the most any SP in The Sims 1/2/3/4 ever has, and has by far the most worth for its money...but at a dire cost:

- the career only has 5 levels instead of 10 (thus being nowhere as deep as TS3′s combination of the Ambition EP’s Ghost Hunter and the Store’s crystal ball--which links with the Supernatural EP’s Spellcasting skill)

the crystal ball is a 1-trick pony

unlocking Bonehilda is tied to grinding skill/career levels, only for her to do EFF ALL once she finally arrives (and her face looks like melted cookie dough WTF)

most of the gameplay is tied to the pack’s new lot/venue

and the ghosts are still meh

So rather than TS4 having an actual Supernatural EP, instead it has the ok-but-disappointing Realm of Magic Game Pack (which I’ve already ranted about), the watered-down Paranormal Stuff Pack, and the INCREDIBLY OP Vampires Game Pack (which I’ve salivated over). That’s already $40--the cost of TS3′s Supernatural Expansion Pack, mind you--but with the glaringly absent inclusion of Fairies, Werewolves, AND Zombies. O_O WHAT THE HELL, EA. To get the full Supernatural experience in TS4 is gonna end up running people not $40, but perhaps DOUBLE, if werewolves & fairies get their own GPs (unless EA waters them down in SPs, which would still be anywhere from $50-60). EA is robbing people blind.

25. how many hours have you played sims? I have no idea, no doubt thousands.

26. if you play gameplay, do you play with mods? See #1 above

27. what’s the farthest you’ve gotten in a challenge? See #3 above.

Thanks for reading!

[luvdsc]

hi miss cat!!! i was wondering if you had any advice on asking mutuals to beta-read + making friendships here on tumblr? you and your mutuals always seem so close and like irl friends! i'm so sorry if this sounds out of the blue!

hi, honey bee!!! 💛 for asking mutuals to beta read, I just asked them shdjdjd I was like “hey do you wanna read my fic draft” and they were like “hell yeah” so then I just added them to my google doc! tk god (hyoseobie / eggyukhei) actually offered to read my drafts when I was having trouble and she gave me suggestions and whatnot, so she’s my go to for beta reading :’) I will throw every single ridiculous fic idea at her and she responds with 100% energy every time. the dumbing down of love and sweeter than honey wouldn’t have been completed without her !!!! for pussy blocked and august, I believe steph (aqiaquas), ti (m88n), lana (choerrypuffs), moon (wincore), and tk all had access to them. Except !!!! when I was debating on the ending for pussy blocked (aka jeno or jaemin), none of them knew who was endgame, except for moon 💓 she’s an absolute godsend and I heavily discussed everything with her for both august and pussy blocked, especially the ending 💕 so big shout out to her for really helping me out with both of them 🌸🌸

I made friends by either a) gushing about their writing in their ask box or dm’s because have you seen how talented they all are???? or b) they sent me a message! 🥰 I can go more into detail about my closest mutuals below:

tk god (hyoseobie / eggyukhei) — tk was my very first mutual on here and a big reason as to why I even started this blog :’) I found her nct blurbs and fell in love with them and I was like “I wanna write blurbs too!!” so I made this blog and then I sent her an ask and we just kept talking after that 💘 and we got close, and we were supposed to see nct together last june 🤧 nowadays, I just spam her with a lot of meme posts on insta and guilt trip her for dropping yukhei for jaemin and doyoung 😔 I’m sorry for clowning you so much tk

els (taeyongtime) — els is so freaking talented, and I read her tabula rasa fic way back in 2017 when I wasn’t even a fan of nct and didn’t know who each member was. All I knew was that this was the greatest fic I have ever read, and nothing will ever top it. anyway, someone asked me for fic recs, and I had tagged her in it because of course, I would recommend her superior fic 🤩 and then she reached out to me, and now we like to complain about work together lol and text everyday and I send her phyllis pictures and we even mail each other letters !! 💕 also !!!! She’s the closest to my age out of my close friends here, so I feel like it’s super easy to talk to her 💞

lana (choerrypuffs) — she reblogged my neptune’s atlantis fic, and I responded to her reblog and also her blog looked super aesthetic so I clicked on it and then read her fics and was like “wow god tier writing I need to send in some asks to scream about these fics because the TALENT 💓💓” and we talked but we didn’t get close until like a week later when I found this pjo meme and didn’t know who else liked pjo except for her so I randomly dm’ed it to her with some all caps screaming message LOL and now we enjoy shit talking about anything and everything because it’s a safe judge free zone for our unpopular opinions lmaooo and she bullies me for typing all my fics on my phone but it’s ok because at least I’m honest about my bias and I don’t burn toaster strudels in the oven

steph (aqiaquas) — I needed some jeno pictures to make his banner for my not clickbait series and posted a cry for help about it, and she responded !!! I believe she also left a comment earlier regarding my wips about bff renjun faking an aussie accent, but we didn’t talk to each other as much until the jeno pic thing! I dm’ed her for the help and we just continued to talk after that 💕 so thank you jeno I suppose lmaoo and we’re also pen pals now 🥰 big props to her for always giving the nicest advice and for always listening to me 🥺 i talk to her about work issues a lot and we text daily !! I tell her and ti more stuff about me than I do with any of my friends tbh 🤧 I also did a facetime with her and ti a few weeks ago and we got her to stay up past her early bedtime cndjjdjdjdjd she, ti, and i have a gc which she has named “JENO APPRECIATION SOCIETY” LMAO

ti (t-shrt / m88n) — ti left me the kindest words and most detailed asks regarding my fics, and I still cherish them so so much 🥺💗💗 from there, she sent me more asks and I started talking to her more until we began to dm each other! and my god, she just gets me 100% and I can talk to her about anything like even the scariest most personal stuff I don’t tell anyone else about myself, I feel comfy enough to tell her about it, and I hope she feels the same! We text each other everyday and are also pen pals, and I want to visit her and steph one day!!! 💖 honestly I don’t think I’ve ever met someone who has related to me so much before, and you know what? ti, if you’re reading this, I think this is the easy we were talking about before

moon (wincore) — can you believe that we’ve only been friends for 40 days??? I just checked and I am flabbergasted because it feels like so much longer than that. An anon messaged moon a cute ask about how she and I are both yunqis and write fics, and she had tagged me in it! So I sent her an ask, and we were also in the same almost collab, so I dm’ed her afterwards, and we started talking and now she sends me pictures of her doggos and I send pictures of phyllis and I can talk about anything with her and we like to bounce fic ideas off of each other (read: one of us tells the other about a wip and the other person screams and sends a bunch of capslock messages about it) jejdjdjd her only flaw is that she barks at her dogs and doesn’t see this as furry behavior 😔 also we have the same taste in men LOL legends only and I hope she’s having lots of fun in the club listening to t swift rn !!!!

april (dropofgoldensun) — april ilysm okay so she always left the loveliest comments under my fics, and one day, I had this fic idea and was like “I want someone else’s opinion on this” but I wanted a fresh perspective on it, so I decided to dm her out of the blue and ask what she thought of it! And from there, we began to talk more and we also sent each other letters !!! in fact, I got hers last week and it made me 🥺🥺🥺💗💗 I have it pinned up to the corkboard in my room along with drawings by steph 💘

so all in all, I made friends by regularly sending them asks or shooting them a dm, or they sent me asks and continued to have a conversation with me 🥰 as an extrovert, I always love making new friends and never shy away from meeting new people, but I understand that it can be scary for some to reach out and take the first step 🤧 but if you do decide to, you might meet the most wonderful people 💞 I honestly can’t imagine what my life would be like without the friends I made on here now 🤧💖 but also, be careful of stranger danger and talk to those appropriate to your age! quite frankly, for instance, it doesn’t make sense for a 25 year old to want to be friends with a 14 year old. I can understand if the 14 year old wants to ask for advice or something, but having an equal friendship is nearly impossible when you’re at different stages of your life / maturity. Please stay safe! 💛 and omg no need to apologize, lovebug, I hope my answer made sense for you! let me know if you have any other questions 💟

[subarubi]

The List

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Summary: Everyone’s got a submission to his list. Watch this. Read that. Go there. But you’ve never given him anything. Not a single idea of what it is you like, what makes you feel at home in this world. Never made an effort to bridge the gap between the 40s and now, and yourself and him. And it oddly bothers him.

Word Count: 3.6 k

A/N: this is my very first reader insert i’ve written and am posting, so i’m excited :) appreciate anyone who takes the time to read!

Everyone’s got a submission to his list. 

Watch this. Read that. Eat here. Go there. I Love Lucy. Moon Landing. Berlin Wall. Steve Jobs. Disco. Thai food. Star Wars. Nirvana. Rocky. Troubleman Soundtrack. Things he absolutely must do if he wants to call himself a modern man. Which, he does. But kind of doesn’t? Doesn’t even matter much now anyway.

You don’t.

Have a submission to his list, that is.

You’ve never been talkative anyway, he reasons. You’re quiet, reserved, and a bit of an outsider in this haphazardly thrown together group of extraordinary people. 

Not that you’re ordinary, not in the slightest. You’re a comet. Your power, palpable. A volatile missile, ice and dust carving a hole through space. Nucleus, hard body amalgamation of granite muscle and tungsten bones. Tail, a whipping flurry of wild hair, muted decimation in its wake. No, you are far from ordinary.

You just... stick to the walls.

With arms-- arms he’s seen bring men to their knees-- crossed over your chest, face set in marble. Not unfriendly. You’ll talk nice when prompted, smile when appropriate, but you never initiate. 

You seem to prefer a distance, a line between work life and personal life. A line that just doesn’t exist with the Avengers. Somehow, though, you manage to maintain the separation. Natasha’s prying questions, Stark’s intentional invasions of your personal space, Sam’s harmless but persistent flirting. 

It’s all so easily deflected. 

Made even easier now that the family you’d always resisted has been fractured. 

You don’t care to foster intimate relationships with any of these people. And you definitely don’t care to put in a submission to Captain America’s To-Do List. 

Everyone, everyone has something to add to his list. Even Bucky, Bucky, who has spent the better part of 70 years in and out of cryo, brain pulled apart and replaced with a new, foreign synapse each time, said something about a movie he’d seen somewhere. 

It bothers him. It shouldn’t, but it does. 

Steve can physically feel it--  that’s how much it bothers him. A now permanent path of his eyes to your form in a room. An itch in his fingers for a pen and paper anytime you say anything. A burn on the tops of his ears, hot and red, if you smile softly at some reference he doesn’t understand. Is that a signal? Would that be a suggestion if you actually talked to him?

Regardless, he trusts you. A boundless amount. Unexplainable given just how little the two of you have actually spoken.

You don’t make suggestions for the list, and it only really bothers him because he does trust you. He wants to know what you have to say, what you think is important for him to experience. What you like. If, perhaps, what makes you feel at home in this world could help him too. 

It’s a Thursday and he’s thumbing the pages of his notebook when Natasha gets the idea. 

The quinjet cabin is filled with a heavy, pregnant silence that no one can bear to cut through. Full-term. Unbearable pressure on the sciatic nerve-type silence. 9 months discomfort and anxiety, stifling their words. 

A mission gone right, but leaving a bad taste in their mouths. 

Bucky sits near the front, aimlessly bouncing a tennis ball against the starboard wall. Sam is in the co-pilot seat, trying to read a book with a red cover and yellow spine. Nat’s knuckles turn white on the yoke, keeping the quinjet on track even though it could pretty much fly on its own. 

You like music, Steve thinks. You there now in the back corner-- fingers drumming to the private beat on your thigh, eyes closed and head tipped back, white of earbuds in stark contrast with your dark combat suit-- is a frequent sight. He imagines your recommendation might be an album for him to listen to. 

Steve’s fingers ghost over the familiar scrawl of his list; some crossed out, some recently added. 

He decides it could use more music. 

You should just ask her, Natasha smirks, jutting her chin your direction. When she moved to sit next to him, Steve didn’t know. But, she is, after all, the spy. He’d been otherwise occupied anyway. He lifts his bowed head up to fix her with a puzzled look. Nat gives him that smirk and Steve has to fight back a groan. Knocking her knee against his, she teases,  you know, she can probably feel you staring.

His eyes shoot over in your direction, sighing a little in relief when you seem to still be lost in the music pumping in your ears. Steve realizes Natasha isn’t talking about the list. Years now, and she still hasn’t given up on playing his personal matchmaker. It’s slowed, surely, due to circumstance, but she’s never satisfied. A date. He should ask you on a date, is what she means. He’s suddenly as red in the face as the tips of his ears and Natasha’s hair. 

Steve’s not blind. 

You’re attractive. 

Soft and hard in so many ways. Lips, pink and pillowy and parted ever so slightly. Sharp line of your jaw clenched, brows furrowed. The gentle curve of your neck, warm skin disappearing beneath a dirt stained, hole ridden suit that hasn’t seen mending hands in months. Not since you followed him in his free fall from grace. 

You’d followed. Wordlessly. Burned out, abandoned by coworkers and the public, you resigned yourself to this life of Motel hopping and operating outside of the realm of what’s legal. Though not outside of what’s right.

Pondering what any of that could mean feels forbidden to Steve.

The hard shell of a man, not any less great, but perhaps less sure.

He looks back at Natasha with a low shake of his head, abruptly shutting his notebook. She sighs, but takes the hint. Enough. Not now. 

Almost a year later, he does ‘just ask’. 

It’s kind of like a date, in barely-there ways. You’re left alone, facing each other in a booth, knees brushing. You go to the bathroom, Steve orders for the both of you. Kind of like a date. 

Stuffed in the sticky booth of some diner in Middle America, alone together. Natasha gone off on her own again. Bucky recovering in Wakanda. Sam out like a light on a creaking Motel 6 mattress-- hard, just like he likes it. Your muscles like jelly, stomachs rumbling with the dull ache of hunger, soaked head to toe from the torrential downpour outside. No idle chit chat for you two. Steve stares out the window, impossible blue eyes following the path of a raindrop. You ring the bottom of your shirt out onto the small bit of floor between two pairs of feet. It splatters on the ground loudly. 

Not a date. 

You risk a glance at him over the piping hot brim of your coffee mug. Silently marvel at just how much he’s changed through thin white wisps of steam. More than longer hair, more than a handsome and disguising beard, more than the ripped out star of his suit sitting in a heap on the motel room floor. You can’t say how, it’s more a feeling. 

He’s a lot quieter now. Like you. 

Steve’s always been stoic. Passionate when needs be, but not exactly loose with his emotions; never as restrained now. His voice was always strong and sure, but never quite so gruff from frequent disuse as in this past year. You suppose it’s partially your fault. With Natasha gone much more now and Sam talking enough to carry a conversation himself, you’re not exactly great company. You might be one of the reasons he speaks less and less. 

A pretty waitress is smiling wide at him, a signal that she knows. A beard and hat pulled down as far as possible would never be enough to hide those golden boy blue eyes. 

Those eyes millions of women would gladly melt into a puddle of rainwater on the dirty floor of some diner in Midwest America for. You’d have to ask for a mop later to clean up the mess. Yours and the one spilling from ‘Molly’s lips. 

I heard you have a list, she smiles coy. You tuck in to the plate of chocolate chip pancakes doused in maple syrup as she bats her eyelashes down at him. 

Steve shifts, glancing over at you seemingly uninterested in the conversation. He’d given up on you having anything to do with the list weeks ago. He may be a fugitive-- may no longer be an Avenger, Captain America-- but he’s still a nice guy.  

Yes, he laughs kindly, hands clasped together on the table top.

You sniff and his eyes snap to yours again, tense. You’ll have to leave soon. Now that ‘Molly’ from the midnight shift at Red’s diner has seen Steve Rogers and his pretty blue eyes, you’ll have to wake Sam from his long overdue sleep and be gone before dawn. You wish he could’ve been left longer. It’s just how things work these days. A long shot from living plush, courtesy of Tony Stark. But you can wait long enough to finish coffee and breakfast.

Can I make a suggestion? she leans down and speaks in soft tones, a wicked grin hidden beneath those sweet, innocent looking red lips. 

You raise a brow when Steve politely nods, pulling out his trusty notebook from his back pocket. Steve asks to borrow a pen which she hastily holds out to him, purposely having their fingers brush in the exchange. Surely he knows she’s flirting, he’s not that naive. There’s no way. He’s a nice guy, maybe too nice.

She’s young. You imagine she has spent more than a few nights looking up at a poster of his face, clean shaven and perfect, playing this exact conversation in her head. That she has carefully thought over what her input would be. 

You should definitely watch ‘Friends’ when you have the time. 

You snort. Loudly. 

Molly instantly shrinks in on herself, deflated. Steve gives you an odd look, which you brush off and promptly resume shoveling the sweet breakfast food into your mouth. 

He’s so kind, it’s downright disgusting. 

Steve makes a point of writing it down underneath ‘Stevie Wonder’, smiling, Thank you. And for good measure, when he returns the pen, Captain America runs his ring finger across her knuckle. Oh, he knew. So considerate, you almost want to smirk when you catch it.

She’s gone now to wait on the other late night stragglers, blushing and gently ghosting her fingers over the spot he’d touched. Your hurtful mocking isn’t enough to dampen the feel of being caught in Steve Rogers’ warm glow. 

His knee presses along the inside of yours again when he shifts to shove the small book back into his pants. You take a measured sip of coffee. 

Steve raises a brow in your direction, Did you have a better suggestion?

There. He’s asked. 

Maybe he could finally breathe in your presence now. 

No luck considering you simply shrug and break from his gaze. So unreadable. It’s frustrating. He has half a mind to write ‘shrug’ underneath ‘Friends’. Are you? Friends, he means. You’ve known each other what feels like a lifetime now. At whatever this is for a year and a half. He can count on one hand the amount of conversations not involving a mission you’ve shared. 

He trusts you with his life, which, after everything that’s happened, is a rare commodity. He’s sure you feel the same. 

You’d say that no, you’re not friends. You probably wouldn’t deny the unfathomable trust in each other, though. That’s comforting at least. You sleep a bed away every night after all. 

Steve doesn’t really sleep. 

He doesn’t know you know that; you don’t sleep either. 

He’s staring, maybe he doesn’t realize it. 

You’ve abandoned your fork, suddenly feeling sick with it. That fucking blue. It split you like butter and might’ve knocked you over had you not been tightly gripping your knee under the table. 

So handsome it hurts. 

How could anyone be that pretty? Heartbreaking. Even before the serum-- you’ve seen the pictures. Breathtaking. The beard. The beard is really something. So so pretty. Adonis and Aphrodite. Michelangelo’s David. Torturous. 

It’s been almost a full minute now. Of him, just staring. 

You clear your throat in hopes it might pull him out of whatever it is that has claimed him. It doesn’t work. You talk just to end it. You know for certain that will surprise him. 

Why do you even keep up with it? The list. That stupid goddamned list.

You can see the flush on Steve’s neck when he does realize that he’d stared at you, through you, in you, for the longest two minutes in history. He coughs into his fist. 

What do you mean? his brow furrows, and you almost want to touch the crease between them to make it go away. It’s a ridiculous thought. One you shake away with another measured sip of coffee. 

Doesn’t it seem... you shrug, and there’s an urge in him to grab you by the shoulders and beg you to stop fucking shrugging so goddamned much. Steve thinks he might go insane if he sees those shoulders twitch up again. I dunno, kind of pointless now?

In a way, yes, it is. 

Steve can’t exactly pop in a film or binge watch a tv show like this. And sitting down to listen to read a book doesn’t really seem right.

He doesn’t answer. You watch him finally pick up his own fork, cutting into an omelette more cheese and meat than egg. 

It still rains down hard. 

Steve pays the bill, smiling tightly at Molly when she lays her hand on his bicep. He tips her well, she was sweet and young and still half terrified from just you snorting. 

You follow a few paces behind him out of the diner, mindful of maintaining that distance. 

Neither of you bother to fight against getting soaked. 

You’re both immediately set on edge when three cars pull into the parking lot, tightly together. It’s the kind of thing you’d been trained to be suspicious of. The kind of thing that never means anything good when around people like you. It means they have come for you both. It means you'll probably have to fight. 

He pauses underneath the buzzing neon sign. His back is to you, the tense expanse of muscles outlined by the wet shirt clinging to his skin. A breath. Another. 

Giggling.

You hear giggling of all things, bubbling through the parking lot. Girls, a whole crowd of them, spilling out of the cars, hushing each other. His name is on their cherry chapstick lips. Not his name, his title: Captain America. Molly had texted them, that’s clear now. 

It’s better, at least, than your previous estimation. But it’s trouble nevertheless. 

Steve turns to face you and somehow, the soft glow of red on his face only makes his eyes bluer. He takes a step forward. You understand. You always understand in the absence of words. There’s a link between the two of you when you’re in that working mode. That trust, tangible in how you too, step forward. 

It’s procedural. You fall into it so easily.

His head ducks, yours raises. Eyes locked in one another, but ears elsewhere, listening. Not touching, but near to it. A breath away. Swaying in the rain. You feel it sizzle on your skin, see it coming off him in steam. 

No one bothers the two lovers, obviously too occupied with each other to be superheroes. Natasha had taught you both that. 

It pours harder yet. 

The giggles fade into nothing, drowned in the monsoon-- no space between the fat drops pelting the earth. They couldn’t see the two of you now even if they tried. 

Why did you come? You never really said, he has to shout, the rain is so loud. 

You’ve left a lot unsaid. Some things are better that way. 

Steve’s hands, large and powerful, stop your shoulders mid shrug. Don’t, he squeezes his eyes shut, drops of rain trickling down the slopes of his nose, For the love of God, don’t fucking shrug.

Everything is heavy: your drenched clothes, his hands still gripping your shoulders, the crushing weight in your chest-- the rock lodged in your throat with all the things you’ve never said for the sake of some stupid credo about not letting things get personal. You’ve let the words die on your lips and for what? 

It did nothing. The lines blurred anyway, out of your control. 

The truth: there hasn’t been a distance greater than the width of his notebook between the two of you for a long time now. 

You pretend. 

You both pretend that absence of any extended conversation means you haven’t already learned everything about each other just by watching. Stealing glances when the other is turned away. 

Steve pretends that the reason your input in the list matters so much to him is because he wants to know the people he’s trusting with his life. 

He already knows you. Not your favorite color or band, but you. Your outline in the darkness of a thousand motels. The smell of you under layers of grime and sweat and blood-- you’re scrubbed clean with the same soap he uses. Your breathing patterns: one when you’re resting with your earbuds in, head bopping to songs he’s not been privy to; another when you’re side by side in combat, moving together like one; the most prominent, when you’re both laying in bed staring at the ceiling, too lost in thought to even care about sleep. 

You know him too.

His question. How do you answer? You followed. Wasn’t that answer enough?

Where’s your notebook? You ask instead, though it’s more of a call in this downpour. 

Steve’s brow furrows again, left hand flying back to pat the small book in his pocket. This time, you do reach out, though you don’t have to go very far. His breath quickens when the pad of your thumb brushes against the wet crease of skin pulled together in uncertainty. He swallows hard, rifling through the pages a little messy because he can’t stop looking at you. Your hand stays there until the pressure releases. For a good second after, too.     

When he finally opens it up to the two pages worth of ‘to-do’, the ink is running. Black to blue. A melted mess of jumbled letters on delicate paper one wrong twitch away from ripping. 

You take it from his hands, gentle, because you’re pretty sure this notebook has been a lifeline for him. Grounding. There’s sketches in there that you’ve only caught glimpses of. 

You lament now that it has been ruined by the rain. 

I don’t have a pen, he says softly. Softly, because he’s closer now than you’ve ever been. You’ve never heard him so soft. So cautious that his voice might scare you away. 

You spare a languid glance up to see just how close he is. It must be only inches because you can hear him through the rain. You tilt your chin to the sky, heavy lids widening slightly. 

He’s closer than even that. Not inches, centimeters. If you hadn’t been swaying in synchronization and instead leaned forward at the same time...

You don’t even know what you’re doing. For the first time in a while, you’re scared. 

The book is closed between your palms, the list shut. You’ll deal with it another day. You’ll help him remember everything that was on there so he can rewrite it. 

Steve leans in more. Not enough. 

I’ll just tell you then, you nod. Steve’s chest brushes against yours as you both suck in heavy breaths. You press the notebook there, against the hard swells of his front, closer to his heart. 

Which question are you answering? Why did you come? Or did you have a better suggestion?

Bob Dylan.

What?

Bob Dylan. Bringing It All Back Home. 1965.

Oh.

The stupid list. For years now, that’s all he’s wanted to hear. But there, under the neon sign, in the parking lot of Red’s diner, drenched in the deluge of rain, it’s not enough. 

We’ll listen to it together, you smile and he’s never seen it quite so big or bright.

Together. It is enough. 

Your lips taste of rain and maple syrup. He’ll remember it for a while. Forever, maybe. And him, you don’t recall something ever being so rich in your life. Steve’s mouth, so decadent you could die with a sated smile still. It’s all the sweeter, the press of your lips together; in it all those words left unsaid. You breathe them into his mouth, warm and red and waiting, and he sears them back into yours with the delicate slide of his tongue. Mouths together form lost sentences and sing. A crescendoing flurry of soundless vowels and consonants that only the two of you will ever hear. 

Steve faintly hears the notebook fall in a splash at your feet and you can feel the grin in his lips by the scratch of his beard against your chin. You’ll feel guilty for dropping it later, but your hand had been hellbent on curling itself under his arms and around his shoulder. His own hands cradle your neck and face, slipping across the rain wet planes of your face. And those forearms, like hams, rest heavily on your shoulders-- so that you can never shrug again. If you can’t find the words, Steve’s content to have you speak them on his lips. 

Everyone’s got a submission to his list. 

But yours come with a kiss. 

Yours is the only one that he’s ever really cared about.  

Sam complains weeks later that he’s sick of hearing Bob Dylan.

[exo-raskreia]

Renji’s Cowardice

So this is something I've been wanting to talk a bit about, even though I've commented on it to other fellow fans, but decided maybe I should make a post about it. This got longer than expected, so long post ahead:

I'm one of those few people who don't believe Renji had feelings for Rukia, or if at all, they were so subtle, they were barely there - ‘cause they can easily be interpreted as that of friendship or siblings.

We know he certainly cared about her, they were childhood friends, helping each other through hard times, the ONLY survivors from their friend group in the Rukongai, & the only ones out of them who had reiatsu. So, obviously, they had a tight bond.

But...there was nothing more. That scene in the anime (ep. 32) where Renji stares at Rukia in the lake during his childhood memories? Filler - like most of the episode. It wasn't in the manga. Check out chapter 98 (which also has a lot of the scenes I will mention here).

When I first watched that, I thought maybe he liked her (so then why did he hurt her?), but as I got further into the anime, no such scene ever happened again, nothing else that indicated he might like her. Then eventually I read the manga, & bam! - obviously there'd been nothing else, since the scene hadn't been there to begin with.

So if you believe Renji was deeply in love with Rukia... Well, that’s not what I saw in the following scenes.

Let’s start off with a little scene in his childhood, where Rukia showcased her reiatsu abilities. Their friends found it so cool, whereas Renji seemed...bothered by it:

And down here, where he shouts at the guys, one could interpret him being a bit jealous that they’re captivated by Rukia, but it can also be interpreted as him being a bit jealous of Rukia, like, “Meh, she ain’t all that!” 

Even so, they all became so close, like a family

Years later, once in the academy, Rukia was adopted into the Kuchiki Clan. Renji encountered Byakuya for the first time & felt an immense fear. Any confidence he’d had up until that point (such as being in an advanced class) faded. 

When Rukia tried to discuss with him if she should accept it, because DUH, they only had each other at this point & were basically family, but of course Renji let his insecurities get the better of him, & basically told her how lucky she was & to go for it, without showing concern or worry. Thus, beginning the end of their friendship.

Renji’s excuse for letting her go was that he didn’t want to get in the way of her happiness... Was it? Not something else like, I don’t know, feeling insecure, possibly inferior, afraid when he had encountered her adoptive brother for the first time? Ah, that's it...cowardice? It's as if he was even trying to convince himself otherwise:

Yep, sounds like it, Renji. Always hiding your fear, masking it with ego, or in this case, thinking you’re “happy” for her.

He didn’t want to admit what he had been feeling in that moment. He didn’t let her go out of the goodness of his heart...but because he didn’t have the guts to stop her. He didn’t have the guts to go against Byakuya for her sake. Or more like...for his own sake.

You could say he didn’t feel “worthy enough” being her friend, now that Rukia was part of a prestigious clan... Or simply...too scared. He made it his goal to surpass Byakuya, & once he did, then he would feel "worthy" or strong enough to talk to Rukia again.

Just...why? Did he not see that it wasn’t what Rukia wanted? It’s not like she would have looked down on him or anyone else for that matter. He didn’t understand her like a certain someone. Actually, doesn’t it sort of parallel the scene in which that certain someone was telling her to go back home with him, & she told him she’d stay in SS, & he actually saw she was happy about it & let her go because of it? She wanted to stick together like family, but he pushed her away. For the next 40 years, he never attempted to talk to her, make sure she was doing well, wasn't there for her, nothing.

But he hadn’t realized the true reason for his actions...yet.

Cowardly Renji was then going to tell Rukia about his promotion to lieutenant after he was encouraged by his friends (ch. 205.2/Side-B ‘The Rotator’), but then he was sent to arrest her in Karakura Town. Instead of trying to make up or let her know he didn’t want to do this, he certainly acted pretty villainous towards her, & did NOTHING to try to stop her from getting executed, not even trying to vouch for her to her brother (I mean, if someone as freakishly strong as his captain wasn’t going to do a thing, then why should Renji The Coward™, amirite?). Some "tight bond”... 

Is this how a man shows he loves a woman?! Is this the kind of man you want for strong, kind, selfless Rukia?!

When Renji decided to visit Rukia in her cell to tell her about a certain orange-haired guy being in SS, he hadn’t expected her to react the way she did:

(Renji then thought that maybe he shouldn’t have given her hope, because the rescue gang might not make it. So even in her final moments, he still wasn’t going to try anything? Instead, regretted giving her some comfort? Oh, boy...)

After hearing about said orange-haired guy defeating strong opponents on his way to save Rukia, his bruised ego sent him to go pick a fight with him against orders.

He went as far as to blame that one person for Rukia’s demise. Like, what the heck? He wanted to break his resolve, because Renji himself had none.

But obviously...things weren’t going the way he’d planned. Ichigo, the man who would stop at nothing to save Rukia, was underestimated. Heck, Renji even got triggered when Ichigo shouted this & blocked his attack:

U mad, bruh?

Eventually, Alpha™ Ichigo defeated him, & made him realize his faults. Cue Flashback no Jutsu & then we got Renji saying this:

Ooh, boy, this is right after the panel where he was trying to convince himself that he let Rukia go for her happiness (ch. 98).

Let’s start off with the first part: "Now that I think about it... I was probably just scared...”

So this does confirm that Renji had been lying to himself, & that his real reason was that he was afraid to confront a stronger opponent for his friend. Afraid to do something about the situation. He was a coward through & through.

Then he continues with this: “I am really a tramp down to my bones. I hate myself. I bark at the star, but...I don't have the courage to jump and grab it."

Is this another way of him saying Rukia is the star & he's the tramp? So basically, he felt inferior to her? A lowly creature who’s all bark & no bite?

Let’s see... You could say that since childhood, Renji had always felt a bit jealous of Rukia, or simply admired her, cuz she had higher reiatsu, their old friends looked up to her more & she became their leader of sorts. And then when she was adopted into the Kuchiki Clan, she was “farther away". 

He made it his goal to surpass Byakuya...because it would mean he had finally “reached” Rukia? You could almost see this as romantic, feel bad for him cuz he doesn’t feel worthy of her, even though he’s tried so hard (fake ‘aww’). But it’s still not enough. Up until this point, Renji hadn’t done anything to help her. Like I said before, he even tried to obstruct the one person who was trying to save her, & tried to blame him for her eventual demise.

Just how insecure were you, Renji? Of the fact that someone else, who hadn’t known her as long, was risking his life to save the one girl you weren’t brave enough to help? That someone else would reach the star, & not you? That someone else proved himself Top Dog™ & you’re still the tramp?

Well, Rukia is more referred to as the moon, while Ichigo as the sun (White Moon, Black Sun). So to Renji, she's a star, but in regards to Ichigo, she's the moon. An unreachable star to one, & the moon to the other... Interesting...

In some translations, he says "stars" in plural, so if that, does it mean Renji is calling himself a coward in general, who doesn't have the courage to stand up to those stronger than him? And/or to get what he wants? In others, he says "moon", & Rukia has been referred to as the moon, so it still applies.

After this, he BEGGED Ichigo to save Rukia, because he himself couldn't. Once again, he felt unworthy. And this time, he had good reason to, because the man Rukia wanted to see wasn't even him, & he knew this. Like I said, he hadn’t expected her to look so happy when he’d informed her that Ichigo was in town.

Renji had a change of heart. He later helped Ichigo in what he could, having formed the resolve to work harder after recovering from the fight against him. After this, we saw him become friends with Ichigo, having his acknowledgement, his respect, his trust. Never once do we see Renji feeling jealous towards Ichigo regarding Rukia (nor anyone else for that matter). Not like Orihime being jealous of Rukia. Renji supported Ichigo in everything, & both considered each other one of their closest comrades.

Remember the scene in Hueco Mundo (ch. 248) where Ichigo didn't want the group to separate in Las Noches after Rukia suggested it, then Renji got in the way & told him it was an insult to her as a warrior? He knew this wasn't about the group, it was about Rukia (dang, was Ichigo that obvious?). Ichigo didn't say that because he didn't trust in her abilities...it's his general care & worry about her. He has to have Rukia in his sight at all times. She obviously means a lot more to him than he realizes (and more than his other friends). Renji doesn't see Rukia the same way Ichigo does...hence why he wasn't concerned like Ichigo. This already shows the difference in their feelings for Rukia.

(Poor Ichigo must’ve later regretted this when he didn’t feel Rukia’s reiatsu anymore & Ulquiorra had said she’d “died”, then Ichigo turned around to go to her, without giving a second thought to Orihime’s whereabouts and-)

Heck, even in the Fade To Black movie, everyone had forgotten about Rukia, including Renji...except Ichigo. He was the only one who fought tooth & nail to get her back. Renji was one of the last people in the movie to remember her, some "bond". Well, she already established a stronger bond with Ichigo, so Renji lost his status as the man closest to Rukia long ago.

Then in the WDKALY fanfiction novel, in the sketch of Renji at the wedding, he doesn't seem very happy? And in the one with him & Rukia announcing their engagement, their Soul Reaper friends seem so shocked, as if they would have never seen this coming? If it was obvious they “loved” each other, why even their closest friends didn't see it? Seems sketchy, doesn't it?

To add to this, as someone had pointed out before, just look at Renji’s expression here while Rukia is injured:

Seems like the typical battle-hardened look someone would have over their injured comrades.

Meanwhile, look at Ichigo, leaning forward anxiously...& then we get a wonderful closeup of his face

So, all in all, what I'm trying to say is that there was never really a critical moment in which made me go, "Wow, Renji really does love Rukia." His feelings just weren’t really...there? Or not noticeable romantically, not like Ishida’s for Orihime - now THESE I can believe. He felt like a coward in general, that not even his childhood friend's life being in danger, had been enough to get him to act. It took someone else, someone much braver than him, to give him the push that he needed to move forward. And that person is the one he came to respect & support, never showing jealousy. He even thanked Ichigo (ch. 682) for restoring his friendship with Rukia, & said he'll always have his back. Some "rival", huh?

(Thinking about it, since we never got to see more of Renji's insecurities again after the SS arc - I think - & had his friendship restored, does this mean surpassing Byakuya wasn't his goal anymore? Did he ever mention it again?)

Kubo really wasn't playing when it came to who cared more about Rukia out of these two (or more like, the differences in how they cared about her). Too bad this all went out the window.