#‘I just wanna stay in that lavender haze’ instead of letting love grow and take root and become fully itself

[francesderwent]

Call It What You Want, False God, Hoax, Lavender Haze, Sweet Nothing

[spidernerdsblog]

I forgot that you existed: Chapter Two

A/N: Chapter two is here. Tensed situation arising between our ex lovers. Hope you like it. Feedbacks and suggestions are always welcome.

Pairing : Tom Holland × Singer reader

Summary : It's been more than five years since you and Tom have gone their own ways after a heartbreaking breakup which had left both of you shattered. Both of you thought that you were finally over with each other and were happy in your respective lives until you meet again at a reunion trip planned by your best friend and you realise you are still not done with each other.

Warnings: none

Mini playlist: Endgame by Taylor Swift

Music playing from car stereo

I don't wanna touch you (I don't wanna be)

Just another ex-love (You don't wanna see)

I don't wanna miss you (I don't wanna miss you)

Like the other girls do

I don't wanna hurt you (I just wanna be)

Drinkin' on a beach with (You all over me)

I know what they all say

But I ain't tryna play

I wanna be your endgame

I wanna be your first string

I wanna be your A Team

I wanna be your endgame, endgame

 You leaned on Tom's shoulder as he drove the car. Your hot breath falling on his neck as you start kissing his sweet spot behind his ears as he lets out a soft moan. Your hand intertwining with his free hand resting on his thigh. "Stop it love" Tom mumbled softly.

"Tom" you said softly "Tom!" This time you called his name loudly and Tom suddenly broke out of his trance and was brought to reality it wasn't you but it was his beloved fiancee Eleanor . She straightened herself to look at him with concerned eyes "is anything wrong Tommy?"

 "No love everything is fine" he reassured her

 His attention went to the song playing. He frowned and said "just this song irks me, not a fan actually of such kind of songs."

 "Seriously Tom, how can you not be a fan of Y/N, her songs are too good." El started gushing over you.

 "Yeah I know you are a huge fan of hers but I prefer old school hip hop." Lies.

He was your biggest fan since childhood though he doesn't admit it now but he is very proud of you. Seeing you grow into such a big star makes him admire you more. After so many years he still adores you and your songs. He was nervous to meet you and be in close proximity to you for so many days. Yes he still had feelings for you and that is why your songs wreaked havoc in his mind making him feel your presence even if you were far away from his life. He sometimes feels guilty that he isn't being true to El as soon she is going to be his wife and you still reside in his heart. He can never love anyone as he did to you. El was a very humble, sweet, understanding and smart person whom he got to know through one of his friends. Soon both of them found they had a lot in common, small chats turned into dates and then to a full fledged relationship for 2 years. Dom and Nikki approved their relationship and wanted their son to settle down and finally see him happy. Tom wasn't much excited about the wedding so all the planning he left on El.

 It was around noon when you three finally arrived at the beach house. You were filled with nostalgia as you had lots of fond memories connected with this place. There were a total of  5 bedrooms in the house. 2 were reserved for the couples, one for Tom and another for Harrison's other two friends Ed and Chloe, the others had to share. You liked the sea facing rooms and there were only two on the first floor. You immediately ran upstairs. You suddenly stopped in front of the first room and glanced at the empty room which once belonged to only you.

 Sounds of laughter "Tom stop.. Please oh I can't breathe" you said giggling as Tom tickled you even more. You both laid on the bed and laughed. You took out your phone to take a selfie to capture this moment. Tom kissed your cheek as you clicked the photo. You threw the phone on the bed and climbed on top of him straddling him around the waist as you planted soft kisses on his forehead, his cheeks and lips. You sat back to admire him " I love you so much Tommy" . He rolled you over to be on top of you

" Love you too princess." As he connected his lips onto yours.

 You brushed aside your thoughts as you went to the adjacent room and placed your luggage on the floor. Zendaya came with her luggage afterwards. It was a nice room with a queen sized bed and thankfully an attached bathroom.

 "You don't snore right?" Zendaya chuckled

 "Don't know about snoring but I do kick in my sleep." You laughed.

 "Okay let's freshen up first then we can start unpacking our things." Z said

 "Yeah you go first I need to make a call to my second mom." you chuckled.

You had three missed calls from Alex which left you wondering what was the matter. You put your airpods on and called him. You came out of the room as you started strolling in the corridor.

 "Seriously you don't trust me do you? I have barely spent a day here and you have already called me three times."

 "It was important the company wants you to do a concert at the beach carnival there."

"What! Dude I'm on a vacation and they expect me to do a concert."

 "Yeah it will be nice for the promotion, kind of a tour actually and I think it's good only for you to keep you distracted from, you know what I mean"

 "I don't know I need time to think"

 "There is nothing to think the concert is on the last day of your stay so you will get to enjoy your vacation as well as do a little interaction with your fans good for your rep."

 "Still I need to think Alex . I have to go for rehearsals then I need to know the whole schedule of the event. It's a lot of work."

 "I'll handle those things and get you in touch with the event manager, don't worry."

 You were walking backwards through the corridor as you were talking, you suddenly bumped into a solid sturdy figure, you lost your balance letting out a light shriek as you thought you were about to fall, instead you felt two strong arms catch hold of you, one hand on your back and one wrapped around your waist. You fluttered opened your eyes and your eyes were met with those familiar hazel brown eyes and loose brown curls falling over his face. Tom looked at you with concerned eyes; he himself couldn't stop admiring you. This is the closest he has come to you in the past few years. Your familiar lavender scent was intoxicating for him, he also noticed that your hair is longer than before which made you look more beautiful. You two were so lost in the moment that the whole world hazed out for you. Both felt a warm feeling inside.

But you were brought to reality as Alex started talking.

 "Y/N are you there? what happened?"

 You pulled away from Tom's hold as you stood straight and stuttered

"yea…Yeah I'm fine can I…Can I talk to you later? I'll think and tell you okay"

 "Okay honey bye take care love you"

 "Yeah bye love you too Alex"

 As you turned back to Tom you both blurted out "I'm sorry"

 "No no it was totally my fault I wasn't looking where I was going" you said eagerly.

 "It's okay" Tom said

 You purse your lips and smiled as you were about to turn to go to your room he spoke again

 "By the way Hi! meeting you after a long time."

 You sheepishly looked at him "yeah Hi"

"So how have you been?"

 You were a little taken aback by his warm gesture because he had almost stopped talking to you after the whole breakup "I'm fine, how are you?"

 "I'm fine too" . Tom was about to say something but you were interrupted by a loud shriek

 "Oh My God!!! I can't believe this Y/N Y/L/N" excitement in her voice. "I'm such a huge fan of yours." She pulled you in a tight hug you didn't get the time to process what was happening as you looked wide eyed first to Tom and then to the girl.

 "Oh sorry Hi I'm Eleanor you can call me El I'm Tom's fiance nice to meet you." Your eyes immediately went to the big shining rock adorning her ring finger. A tinge of jealousy creeping inside you.

 "Hey! nice to meet to you too"

 She turned towards Tom and asked "you guys know her ? Why didn't you ever tell me?"

Tom fumbled at his words "umm.. Yeah we have been together since childhood." He looked at you as he continued speaking "then she left and we lost touch" the last line was obviously directed to you.

 "Uh ah correction it was you who lost contact because I was always in touch with the boys. By the way where are they? Can't wait to meet them."

 "They will be here in any second I guess" El said

"I can't believe you know each other since childhood, he always says that he doesn't like your songs"

 "Oh does he?" you looked at him quirking your eyebrow

 "No I didn't say that I don't like her songs I just said it's not my type"

 "Yeah yeah I know you're an old grandpa you prefer old school stuff." you said sarcastically

 "You are coming to our wedding right?" El asked

 You looked at Tom "umm I don't think I'm invited besides I may not have time to attend it. When is it by the way?"

 "Next year in March"

 "Great!! Wish you both a happy married life."

 "Uh ah.. I'm not accepting your bland wishes. You are invited to our wedding and you have to sing at our reception."

 "I would love to honey maybe I'll compose something specially for you guys but I don't think your husband will like that as he hates my songs" you looked at Tom

"Oh leave Tom anyways he has given me all the responsibility of planning the wedding so you are coming and that's final."

 "Okay dear as you wish" you placed a hand on her cheek and smiled.

 " Let's take a selfie. I really want to capture this moment," El insisted. You stood in the middle one hand on Tom's shoulder and the other on El's. You all smiled as she clicked the picture.

 Suddenly there was a lot of noise of people laughing and shouting and you immediately ran down the stairs. There stood Harry, Sam, Paddy, Tuwaine in the middle of the living room. As they saw you they ran towards you and circled around you for a giant hug.

 "Hey!! Y/N missed you so much so happy to see you again"

 "Me too guys"

 "We are going to have lots of fun this time gonna do everything we used to do when we were kids." Paddy said beaming with joy.

 You smiled and you all hugged again. Your eyes went up the stairs to find Tom staring at you. You looked away as you started chatting with them. Jacob, Ed and Chloe also came in later.

………………….

Zendaya and Harrison were sitting on the couch as you kept pacing the room

 "Seriously Y/N it isn't a big deal. It was just an accident stop stressing out about it."

 "It is serious for me Z . The first day on my trip I fell into my ex's arms and had a moment don't know about him but it was definitely a moment for me. And then there is his fiance who is such a sweet and humble person who doesn't have any clue of what relation I share with her husband.Why did I give into your plan God only knows uggh!!!" You sat between them on the couch holding your head. 

 Harrison wrapped his hands around your shoulders and tried to comfort you.

 "I know it's a bit weird for you to be around El due to your past with him but please for my sake try to tolerate just for 10 days."

 "You have vodka right?" you asked

 "Uh yeah why?" Haz looked at you confused

 "I'm exclusively reserving it for me because I'm gonna need it for the next 10 days if I have to stay here." You smirked

 "Tom, are we there yet can I open my eyes?"

"Patience love patience" Tom said, covering your eyes as he led you towards the beach.

It was your 16th birthday and your families had decided to celebrate on the beach house. Tom had told you that he has a surprise planned for you and you were growing impatient to know what it is. You both finally reached the spot Tom removed his hand from your eyes and you slowly opened your eyes as you saw the sea in front of you, waves thrashing on the shore. You looked around to see that he had decorated candles around you in the shape of a heart.

 "Seriously this is your surprise?" you asked him confused.

 "No love, the best part is yet to come."

He kneeled on his right leg as he took out a box from his pocket. He opened it to reveal a sparkling ring. He took it in his hand. He took your left hand and slid it in your ring finger and said

"Y/N Y/L/N will you be my girlfriend forever?

I liked you since childhood but didn't have the courage to say because I thought you were just a passing crush and you are my best friend and didn't want to ruin our friendship. But now I know that I feel happy when you are around, I like to spend time with you, that I love you. You don't have to say yes but I really wanted to say this to you.

 Your eyes were filled with tears, you bent down and kissed him to stop him from talking anymore .Tom gets a little shocked at your sudden act but then he kisses you back. You pull back after sometime as you cup his face with your hands.

"I liked you too Tommy and yes I will be your girlfriend for lifetime.

You looked at the ring to admire it.

"I know this isn't a real diamond because I can't afford a real one right now" Tom said scratching his head

"Your love is worth more than a thousand diamonds." you said as you kissed him again

 You were standing at the porch leaning on a pillar as you sipped into your cola can. You looked at the ring on your finger that Tom gave you. Out of habit you used to wear it everyday but now it's time to let go of it you thought.

 "So you finally had the courage to come here." Tom said grinning.

 What?! You frowned

 You previously thought maybe he's over it and now you two can be on good terms but you were wrong as here he is in front of you again being all cocky.

 "I mean after all these years you finally came here"

 "Firstly, this is my best friend's 30th birthday so couldn't afford to miss it. Secondly stop prioritizing yourself Tom, not everybody's lives revolve around you, not mine, at least" you scoffed

 "Yeah because your life's current priority is Alex right?"

 Was he jealous after he heard you talking to Alex you thought in your mind.

"What? Seriously Tom" you smiled and shook your head. He is my manager and he's like an elder brother, a mentor to me. Why even am I clarifying to you? You don't owe me anything so just leave if you don't have anything else to say."

 "I just came to say that stay away from El. She is my fiance."

 "Yeah I know she is your fiance you posted it on Instagram dufus. I even congratulated you and I had expected a thank you from your side but never mind. "

 It was three months ago you were at your LA residence enjoying an off day. You were scrolling through your Instagram. When you saw the post with the caption she said yes❤️💍. Even after your breakup you guys followed each other to avoid any kind of gossip by the tabloids. You both were very private person so you never went official with your relationship but there were rumours of you two being together which eventually died down. For the first few minutes you didn't know how to react to the whole thing. The life you once imagined for yourselves he is living it but you are no more in it. Your eyes welled up but you overcame your emotions and felt happy that at least one of you is finally going to be happy in life. You liked the picture and commented congratulations🎊❤️❤️❤️.

  "And I also know that she doesn't know about me. Why didn't you tell her about me? Scared of the feelings you still have for me huh?" You smirked

 "Just shut up Y/N. I hate you and that's never gonna change. And you are not gonna tell her anything okay!"

 "But I love you Tommy." You grinned

 Tom scoffed, rolling his eyes and frustrated he started to walk away.

 You called him back "Oi!! Don't worry I'm not gonna tell her anything but I'll still advise you to go and tell her. It will be better and less awkward if she gets to know it from you rather than from anyone else. Trust is the foundation of a relationship, don't break it."

 "Look who is talking about trust and relationships. It's our matter, we can handle it, don't need your advice."

 "Okay cool" you gave a thumbs up

 You really felt exhausted after the whole conversation putting up a no care attitude was really hard as you were totally bothered by the whole ordeal.

………………

 After you and Zendaya finished unpacking your stuff she was exhausted and so decided to get some rest. You on the other hand decided to go for a stroll near the cliff. It was one of your favorite places to go. That place gave you peace and tranquility. You slid your sling bag around your shoulder and put your lyrics notebook inside it. You used to always carry that everywhere whenever you get an idea you note it down in it. You walked along the seashore feeling the cool sea breeze all over your body. You reached the cliff and took a deep breath standing on the edge. You looked over the sea the sun was setting with a golden and orange hue spread across the horizon. It was enchanting. Suddenly some ideas started coming in your head so you took out your notebook and started scribbling on it.

 "What'cha writing?" You were startled by the question you looked back to see Tom climbing the cliff towards you

 "What came to push me down the cliff?" You asked sarcastically

 He rolled his eyes "no seriously what are you writing?"

 "It's none of your business "

 "Come on you can tell me about your new song"

 "I can but first tell me what happens in Avengers 5?"

 Tom shook his head and laughed

 "What?! I'm serious I really can't wait for the movie. Are you bringing back Tony Stark or not. I still cry watching endgame."

"Marvel still doesn't trust me so can't say" he laughed as he took a deep breath and said "I really like this place".

 "Yeah me too"

 "I'm really happy that you came Y/N everyone missed you for the past years"

"And what about you?"

 "Yeah I also did a little." You both smiled.

 You are still confused at what Tom is trying to do. A few moments ago he was being all so mean and rude to you that you were almost about to have a breakdown and now he is here telling you that he missed you. What game are you trying to play with my mind Holland you thought.

You were looking away as Tom stole a glance of you. He really felt guilty, he wanted to apologize for his behavior but showing his anger towards you he thought was the only way to stay far from you. He had a lot of things to say to you but didn't know how to say he missed the time when he could say you everything without any hesitation but now things seemed very complicated for both of you.

 "By the way you look beautiful with long hair. It suits you. "

 You felt a warmth rising in your cheeks as you blushed. You tucked in the stray hair strands flying in the sea breeze behind your ear.

"Umm thanks you look handsome too as always." You smiled awkwardly

 Both looked at each other for a moment then you broke the silence "umm okay then I think I should get going see you around"

 "Yeah sure" Tom nodded

 You turned to go as Tom called you "Y/N! I'm really happy for you. I really am."

 You turned and smiled softly "the feeling is mutual Holland".

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