#—willow's ramblings 🫧

[atorturedpoetsquill]

"I have been living in Petersburg eight years now and I've hardly been able to make a single acquaintance."

followed by...

"I was terrified of being left alone."

This show cases how even though the dreamer doesn't have any close acquaintances, the idea of people leaving for their summer dachas triggers anxiety in him, almost as if people were deserting him and him only. That shows his longing for human connection, even if it's just by standing aside and noticing people.

This is so subtle yet profound. The way Dostoyevsky reflects upon this one human condition -

how we often crave connection and fear being forgotten, even when we struggle to actively engage with others.

(and I am back, guys 🍂)

[atorturedpoetsquill]

"Vulnerability is the last thing I want you to see in me, but the first thing I look for in you."

This line couldn't be more true. And I think that is because we are scared of being vulnerable with the wrong person.

What if they don't understand? What if they make a fool of me? What if they think I am losing my mind?

But when it comes to someone else, we expect them to be vulnerable with us, in front us because we want them to feel assured that it's okay to feel that way.

It's okay to feel the chaos inside of you. It's okay to feel burdened. I am there to help you. Because I understand what it is like to feel entrapped by your own mind.

Something that they expect from themselves but not from us. So, yes, the irony of it all.

Brené Brown, Daring Greatly

[atorturedpoetsquill]

UPDATE:

I DIED DEAD

[inkandintellect]

Hello friends!🕯

✮ willow, nineteen, gemini, & infp-t at heart

𓍯 a zoology student. I am currently preparing for an exam to get into a better college, next year. I created this space to delve deeper into my studies while keeping track of everything I do, and I wanted to share the experience with you as well.🌱

⟡ main blog @atorturedpoetsquill

❤︎ blog style: dark academia, academics, daily study journal at the end of the day, notion page, to-do lists, playlists, notes, quotes, links I find helpful, ramblings at times, suggestions, asks, all sorts of things

🌱 General tags:

—i&i mailbox 📬 , —i&i recs 🪧 ,

—i&i study routine 🍀 , —i&i study tips📝

—i&i ramblings 🫧 , —i&i WOA ✨️ , 💌: name

Inquiry Corner 🍵

If you have any worries or confessions related to academics, feel free to clear your mind — I will read them carefully and respond. I'll be a friendly ear. 💬

Welcome to my blog.🍃

[atorturedpoetsquill]

I love how everyone's back in their Andrew Garfield phase.

[atorturedpoetsquill]

and then she goes ahead and writes a whole album that's so cathartic, therapists are updating their resumes to include,'Taylor Swift lyric analyser.' That's my girl. 🥰 🫶🏻

quote of the year

[atorturedpoetsquill]

Hey there! So, I took the MBTI test out of curiosity and discovered I'm an INFP-T (Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Perceiving - Turbulent).

I have to admit, reading the entire article left me stunned. I realized I am an INFP-T to my core, and it's a revelation that's left me feeling incredibly beautiful about myself. Before the test, I was often anxious, questioning every aspect of my life. I constantly wondered why I was the way I was, teetering on the edge of a breakdown. But now, having taken the test, I'm finally embracing who I am. I feel confident, I'm smiling more, and I'm filled with encouragement and self-worth. It's not just about feeling seen; it's about recognizing how much I neglected myself, my opinions, and my values. I see now how I've questioned my very existence and morals, the self-hatred I imposed upon myself. Strangely, I've never felt this good after being proven wrong. ❤️

I've come to realize just how crucial it is to accept oneself as we are, to truly believe in ourselves. It's about focusing on nurturing our strengths rather than dwelling on our weaknesses. And perhaps most importantly, it's about granting ourselves permission to make mistakes.

So, I wanted to share this epiphany with you and remind you that you are beautiful just the way you are. Don't forget to accept your feelings; they're what bring you closer to yourself. If it's okay, I'd love to know your MBTI results too. If you haven't taken the test yet, here's the link. 😊🫶🏻

Feel free to share them in the comments or send them my way in my whisper box (my asks).

[atorturedpoetsquill]

Happy Birthday to me.

Ah! I am 19. I AM 19.

Last year, when I was turning 18, I remember calling my best friend at 11:48 pm and crying. I was so vulnerable because I was going through bad mental health. And I remember the exact words were, "I don't want to turn 18!" I was so scared.

But today, I called my best friend again. I was crying again. But this time I was happy. Excited. Life's still the same, but it is a better place now. I know I have the strength to move forward and surpass every obstacle. This time, my words were, "I can't wait to turn 19."

I was feeling epic🥂✨️

Life is always changing. It will change for you, too. You just need to be fearless. And when it gets too heavy, let go and let God.❤️

by Willow

[atorturedpoetsquill]

I woke up at 5:30 a.m. with the biggest smile on my face. It was raining! Oh, how I love rain. There's nothing quite like the smell of wet earth — so invigorating, waking up all your senses. Everything felt chill and refreshing. Waking up to rain is one of the most beautiful and magical things to happen. 🍃

[atorturedpoetsquill]

The sort of work that feels like a need

The sort of work that feels like play

[atorturedpoetsquill]

IT'S RAINING!!! 🌧

The cool breeze and the pitter-patter of raindrops...it's perfect. Oh my, I am so happy. The feeling of wet ground, jumping on puddles, brought back my childhood memories.🍃

My brother "hates" rain. Apparently, he thinks it just gets sticky, everything is wet, and you can never go outside when it rains. His exact words were, "Well, I know it's important for our earth, but what's there to love? It's just huge drops of tears falling from the sky. If anything, it's just sad." Ughhh, he is 9, and I felt violated. So, today, I decided to change that.

I dragged him to our terrace, and we spent 30 minutes running & jumping, laughing & dancing in the rain. The water was so cool, and the fresh smell of rain, oh, it was amazing. We felt so free and alive, like nothing else mattered in that moment.

When we got back and were drying off with a towel, he looked at me and said, "God, I love rain." It was epic. 🌱

[atorturedpoetsquill]

I love how I have made so much progress in my French lessons. I have a long journey ahead, but I cannot wait to be able to read a whole book in French. Consistency is key. 🍃

Au revoir, bonne journée.

[atorturedpoetsquill]

It's 2:13 p.m. I'm alone in my room. My books are open in front of me, and I am crying over a baby I saw on the internet because she was so cute, and now I want one.

I'm 19, by the way. And people tell me to get my life together, huh? 😂

[atorturedpoetsquill]

you think I am cool!?🥹 @trashitoffee ,thank you for saying that. Ily 🫶🏻

'why r you smiling at your phone' cool girls from tumblr interacting with me mind ur business

[atorturedpoetsquill]

I hate it here by Taylor Swift is so Eloise Bridgerton coded.

[atorturedpoetsquill]

One of my best friends gifted me this frame for my birthday. And I swear to god, as much as I find it so funny and silly, I love it so much.😭✨️ Because I am someone who really appreciates giving and receiving personalised gifts or the kinds that no one understands, except for the two of us. Like handwritten letters, favourite perfumes, birthday cards, coffee stained pages, little charms that symbolise something about the other person or our friendship, etc. And I get really emotional when that happens to me because you get to know just how much someone notices and appreciates those little things about you. You feel loved and worthy of such friendships. And I am really grateful to have such friends in my life.

About this particular friend! She is my fairy girl. JJK was her first anime. And I was the one who introduced it to her. Gojo Satoru holds a huge place in our hearts. Just a few days before my birthday, she asked me on instagram,"Hey, what's your favourite picture of Gojo?" And I sent her these ones. And she made me a tag that was sort of attached to the packaging, and she wrote,"Handle with care cause it has got something that's so close to your heart. Someone so irresistible."

My dumbass couldn’t figure it out.😂