#—◆ tba. ft. bertholdt hoover.

[moved--naitfall]

@massensterben : continued thread

To humiliate a soul— there wasn't anything more inhuman than that. To break one’s body and soul, shatter to pieces that wouldn’t ever find their proper place. He couldn’t be put back the way he was, could never return to who he used to be. Levi was familiar with such agony. Standing at the edge of a cliff, with one single choice: to survive at the cost of everything he’s been, to take one step forward and FALL.

His first expedition beyond the walls, a series of choices, losing the last of his family— if only he hadn’t come across this devil. Erwin. His pride was to blame. And yet, that man he wished to kill claimed it wasn’t. Never in his life, had Levi felt as if he belonged with the dirt. On his knees, wanting to scream for the loss of the last two people who gave meaning to his dreams, humiliated, while before him stood a man who couldn’t afford to be as selfish as he was. If it weren’t for this devil, Levi wouldn’t have dedicated himself to humanity. He wouldn’t have denied who he was, for the sake of understanding him, of becoming a tool for his purpose. People didn’t break from torture alone — the loss of hope and dreams, a noose he had tightened around his neck on that day, a leash he had given to his hands to hold. Levi had made the choice to sell his soul. And Bertholdt had made his own.

They had become devils, the monsters the world feared they were. When does a reason become the blame? He’s not asking the boy before him. Maybe he was, hell if he knew, he had spoken before he understood the real meaning behind his own words, his blood boiling at the sight of the state he had found him in, sick at the sight of what happened of him, the ugliness of his own people to justify such cruelty. He was told to stay away. Was it because they feared if he were to approach him, he'd kill him? He wouldn't hold back, break him to the point there wouldn't be any use of him? No. The reason Hange had given him such an order was because they knew he wouldn't stand the sight of him. Levi had dedicated himself to humanity, yet there was nothing human in this madness. They had gone astray, and he didn’t know if there was a way to go back.

They were children. There was no justifying the torture he had gone through, because the truth was — and Levi wasn’t blinded by resentment nor fear to fail to see clearly — when they breached Wall Maria, they were young children, who weren’t prepared to carry the weight of their sins, the loss of countless lives. He still was a child, someone doomed to lose his life young. He wouldn’t look down on him, even if still an enemy he’d kill the moment he seemed to become a threat. Levi had killed, when he was much younger than him, for reasons less justified, revenge against a world that had taken everything from him, a world he wanted to spit on. He never regretted the lives he took while fighting for his life in the underground. He never regretted the lives he sacrificed, for the Survey Corps to advance one tiny step forward. Or so he wanted to believe. Yet the boy before him was drowning in regret long before he was stripped of his freedom.

He didn’t claim to forgive the Colossal Titan. If in his place was Zeke, if he was the one treated like an animal, it would have been different, for he had seen with his own eyes the lack of humanity in him, the animal he truly was. But he truly believed Bertholdt deserved a more merciful end. Absurd, ridiculous, insane, to consider killing an act of mercy. They had all lost their minds in this war. They were all desperate. Trapped in the same cell they had locked him in, terrified of what their fate was, broken beyond repair. They were the same as him, prisoners, cornered prey, desperate to see the light of one more day, for their suffering to end. They were the same as him, else they wouldn’t have treated him with such barbarity.

He dropped to one knee, lowering to meet his gaze. He couldn’t say anything. Couldn't promise him freedom. Couldn't promise him his suffering would soon end. Because, even if the torture did end, he'd never return at being the same. If only he could look into his eyes, not in fear, but as if staring inside a mirror, for he knew the horrors he held inside him. ❝ Is there still a home you want to return to? ❞ If there was, there was still saving him, even a small part of him. For Levi there wasn't. ❝ Don’t look at me like that. There’s no right answer. Just spit it out. ❞

You start to get really fucking grateful around here. It starts with clean water, with gristle and kitchen scraps. You thank them on your knees for a chance to chew. Then sleep. The first time he got to sleep through the night, he woke and wept with gratitude. Voices, light, the sky. Things like that are luxuries he no longer has any right to. They are granted in exchange for his cooperation, for his willingness to crawl. And god, he is willing. They have made him willing.

Bertholdt is told he has been in Paradisian custody for ten months. Emaciated and haggard, he bears the signs of his redemption on his body. There are scars on his skin, for the first time. There are holes in his mind that have been punched in by Commander Hange. Ten months of suffering is nothing, of course, compared to the pain he brought to these people. Ten months of rot and screaming, what does that amount to? No, if Bertholdt wants to live at all, then he must offer more. —He has offered. After months in darkness, starved and beaten and pissed on, Bertholdt finally began to talk. And he didn’t stop talking, did he? He quickly learned that the more he said, the more time Commander Hange would spend with him, which meant that the guards could not have free rein over their own brand of vengeance.

Perhaps he should have preferred to die a patriot’s death. But he was only sixteen years old.

But Bertholdt talked. Bertholdt talked himself out of the confines, out of the torture cell, out of the naked frightened animal state. He talked himself out of the dungeons. He begged and promised and wept for everything that was ever demanded of him. He talked himself in front of Captain Levi.

@naitfall says: ❛ When does a reason become the blame? ❜

The question slips into his ear like poison. It is cold and impersonal. It burns him through like acid, some chemical compound. He’s been asked the question before, though differently. How did you justify, how did you justify, how did you justify? He didn’t. He couldn’t.

“We just wanted to get back home. We had to… We didn’t know. I swear we didn’t know.” His voice is some hacked off limb, crawling out of his mouth. He chokes on it. Bertholdt’s eyes are nailed to the captain’s boots. He’s waiting for one to come sailing into his face. He can already taste the blood, the skull-shattering pain. He sees his teeth scattering.

“We were told to retrieve the Founder, by any means necessary. It was never meant to be like this.”

[arlert-angel]

attack on titan masterlist ☪

☾ under the cut is links to all my works organized by character, all of which are nsfw, so minors do not interact !!

☆ request anything -> here

☾*✲⋆. SCOUTS .⋆✲*☽

💌 armin arlert 💌

♡ take me home

❥ jean and eren have been fighting all night on who gets to take you home, but neither of them know you already had plans.

♡ switch armin

❥ thirst!!

♡ tag team ft jean

❥ thirst!!

♡ virgin armin

❥ thirst!!

💌 jean kirstein 💌

♡ love fast, die young

❥ you know that at any moment your life could be cut short as a scout, and the last thing you want is to die a virgin, so why not ask your best friend that you're in love with for some help?

♡ tag team ft armin

❥ thirst!!

♡ succubus

❥ (preview) you sensed the innocence of this man immediately, finally finding a meal to look forward to. #hellfire collab

💌 eren jaeger 💌

♡ a little extra

❥ you’ve gotten some pretty good deals out of your plug. your friends connie and sasha help you realize why.

♡ gamer eren

❥ thirst!!

💌 mikasa ackerman 💌

♡ mikasa's thighs

❥ thirst!!

💌 connie springer 💌

♡ connie's new car

❥ thirst!!

💌 sasha blouse 💌

♡ tba

☾*✲⋆. OFFICERS .⋆✲*☽

💌 levi ackerman 💌

♡ attitude

❥ (preview) you were a great soldier, even compared to humanity's strongest. so why did he never acknowledge you? and why did that get on your nerves?

💌 erwin smith 💌

♡ tba

💌 hange zoe 💌

♡ tba

☾*✲⋆. WARRIORS .⋆✲*☽

💌  zeke jaeger 💌

♡ tba

💌 bertholdt hoover 💌

♡ tba

💌 annie leonhart 💌

♡ tba

💌 reiner braun 💌

♡ tba

💌 pieck finger 💌

♡ tba

💌 porco galliard 💌

♡ tba

💌 colt grice 💌

♡ tba