#—༺❀༻— ❝ the conclusion is a forgone and forgotten thing‚ left to rot even in remembrance. ❞—✦ to be deleted

[dreadseadreams]

.

[thebennettdiaries]

feeling better

Part of the Rebirth series 

It is a rare moment --- having the house to herself.

(it is too quiet)

It has been just over ten minutes since Marcus had bundled up the kids to take them for ice cream (a ridiculous concept since they still have plenty of Halloween candy lying around).  She, of course, had been invited to come along but she had feigned a headache instead.  Marcus had given her a look before he pressed his mouth to her temple.

She wonders now if he had looked at her with concern or looked right through her lie.

She doesn’t have time to overanalyze it at the moment.  She has maybe forty five minutes tops before Macie and David come bursting through the door, hopped up on sugar and looking to burn it off.

And she has already wasted twelve minutes sitting at the edge of her bed staring at the carpet underneath her toes.

Bonnie knows what she has to do.  It has been the only solution since Klaus laid all the details before her in the library basement.  She has wasted a few days arguing with herself to the otherwise but in the end, this is the logical next step.

Taking a deep breath, she stands, shuffling numbly towards the closet.  The bear is once more pulled from its resting place.  She sinks down to the floor right where she is, pushing the cover off the box.  She is surprised at the layer of dust that has collected in Miss Cuddles’ fur.  At one point in her life, this was the most important thing to her ---   and now she has let it rot away in a box, perhaps secretly hoping that it would take her magic with it.

(this is what she has to do, but not what she wants to do)

Her hands curl around the bear, lifting it from its coffin.  Already she can feel it --- the hum; a constant beat that seems to quickly mirror her own heart.  She closes her eyes and lets it thrum through her finger and down her arms.  It is only when she shivers that she realizes how seductive her magic is.  She can practically feel it wrap itself around her, pulling her to it in hopes of enticing her to take it back properly.

It doesn’t have to work so hard; the fact that she is huddled over a bear on a Saturday afternoon is proof enough that this is a forgone conclusion.

Still, Bonnie takes a minute to think of her home, one that she has help build (and one that she will fiercely protect).  She thinks that she should be proud that she has made it this far into her ‘normal’ life --- she has gotten years of experience that many others with her gifts never get.  If the past as taught her anything, the supernatural world always finds her and pulls her back in no matter her intentions.

(she tells herself that she cannot mourn this as a loss; she will still be Macie and David’s mother, Marcus’ wife --- she will be a witch as well)

She closes her eyes, tightening her grip on Miss Cuddles.  She remembers how it felt for her magic to drain away from her and now as she whispers those few chosen words to unlock it, she expects to feel the reverse.  

A slow warmth filling her up.

Instead she is slammed against the wall, her head bouncing off the hard surface as her magic overtakes her all at once.

She blinks, pain blooming behind her eyes.  She thinks she tastes blood.  For a moment, she sits there on the floor of her bedroom.  Now an empty vessel, Miss Cuddles is face down in the carpet.  But there are no other outward signs of what has just happened.  

She wonders if something has gone wrong.  But then her pain fades, replaced quickly by something entirely euphoric.  Before she can even think it through, she is standing, her limbs stretching as if they are coming back to life after disuse.  A laugh falls from her lips, cutting through the silence.  Her magic is in her bloodstream now, reacquainting itself with her.  She can feel its movement, knowing the exact moment it reaches her heart.   From there it blooms outward, speeding through the rest of her until it consumes her.  

She feels lightheaded.  On the verge of passing out perhaps?  For a brief second, she thinks she is levitating but soon discovers otherwise when she glances down to see her feet firmly planted on the floor.

She is high.  

The realization hits her with a giggle.  She has read about this.  Too much magic all at once.  Maybe part of her has forgotten that before she chose to part with her magic, Bonnie had been one of the most powerful witches alive.  She should have eased herself into this (if that was at all possible).  Instead she will have to ride the current wave.

And hope it passes in a half an hour or less.

She wanders from room to room, thinking that everything looked the same yet totally different all at once.  Which didn’t make sense of course but right now things will not make sense.  She just has to accept that.  Go with it.  Embrace it. 

It isn’t long before her magic is poking at her.  In her haze, she imagines her magic as one of her children, pulling at her pant leg to demand attention.  She decides to give in.  After all, if her magic misbehaves --- well, things might get messy.

She goes for a simple spell.  One that she remembers well.  She focuses as best she can on the row of tea lights on a shelf.  Within seconds, a flame roars to life in the first one and like a game of dominoes, the rest fall in line.  She can’t help herself.  She claps her hands together.

Then turns to find that every other candle (including the pungent one Macie had insisted on buying her for Mother’s Day) has come to life.  She stands in her living room and dissolves into laughter.   It feels so good.

(she hadn’t considered how good it would feel --- or maybe she did and purposely ignored it)

Bonnie reaches a hand out and then closes a fist.  All the flames die instantly; she can practically feel their heat in tucked against her palm.  She dances from the living room towards the kitchen.  Part of her wishes that Marcus hadn’t done the dishes before they left.  She would like to take her first stab at combining her two lives.  As if a menial chore is symbolic to the ‘normal’ part of her.

Instead she settles for making the silverware dance around the kitchen.  She is still flush, high in a cloud that keeps her from thinking rationally.  If she had, maybe she would have considered the time.  

The front door opens and the shrieks of happy children hit her like a slap to the face.  She sobers immediately, her magic tempered by the very real fear she feels.  Knives and forks clatter to the floor loudly, acting like a siren call to the rest of her family.  

She is on her knees immediately, picking them up between nimble fingers.  David reaches her first, his mouth smeared with strawberry ice cream (his favorite).  He mimics her position, kneeling to help her (bless him) and ensuring that each piece he retrieves is sticky with his afternoon treat.  

Marcus and Macie stand in the entrance to the kitchen both watching her with different eyes.  Marcus looks ever so slightly amused, no doubt wondering if all his hard work has gone to waste.  

“Feeling better?” he muses.

“Much,” she confirms, before her eyes move to her daughter.

There is something about the way her daughter looks at her.  As if she knows the truth.  And now that Bonnie can no longer hide behind ‘normal’, she realizes that Macie does. 

(oh hell)