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[jinxedmuse]

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[jinxedmuse]

for my antonies i’m in LOVE.

selfish.

“you think i’m fuckin easy, ain’t that the truth?”

you could tell yourself you hate him but that's a lie. you’ll never hurt again if no one ever says his name. trust that was built up nearly over a decade, crushed by an ig story and a link.

lee ch./ anton. wc: 3.079k angst. smut. dark in the sense of…

unsolicited recording and said recording being leaked. peer pressure in a sense. anton is easily influenced. ur both athletes for the sake of decent world building.

music leaked from your wired earbubs as your sneakers squeaked against the glossy floors of the gymnasium. eyes tightly shut, the music flowed through your mind, drowning out all the other natural sounds that buzzed around you. making your nth lap around the vast space of the gym, loose pieces of hair that were once tucked and pulled into a loose ponytail, stuck to your forehead and cheeks. coming to a stop in front of the faded plastic bleachers, you used the back of your hand to swipe at the sweat and hair that decorated your face.

ripping out the earbubs and throwing your phone on-top of the bag, the loud thud of the gym doors swinging open made your body jump. nearly knocking the wind out of you, breathing staggered from the shock paired with your recent run. fingers digging into the cloth of your sweater, the tension would quickly subside when anton peeked his head in. a wide smile on his face as he jogged over to where you stood. planting a rough pat on your shoulder, he took a seat next to your belongings.

“whatcha doing here so late?” he questioned. long legs awkwardly bunched up onto the small seats of the bleachers, his hands coming over to mess with the handle of your tennis racket that stuck out from your bag. as he messed around, you glanced down at the digital clock on your wrist, finally seeing on how much time you’d lost track of. 6:39 stared back at you before your eyes were back onto anton. “a little extra practice, lost track of time i guess. what are you doing here?”

“swim.” running fingers through his hair, droplets of water fell onto the ground below him. reaching forward, he dried his damp fingers off onto your sweater. a low gross leaving your lips as you backed away from him. laughing into his hand, anton shook his head around like a dog. as water hit your cheeks, you couldn’t help but laugh just a little. using the sleeve of your sweater to brush at your cheeks, a comfortable silence fell. putting away the rest of your belongings, anton watched as your sweater rode up your torso when you attempted to sling the stuffed backpack across your shoulder — still half open from the tennis racket that didn’t quite fit — and completely onto your back. he was quick to get up, sliding his own bag back onto his shoulder as he followed you to the doors that he entered from not too long ago.

“do you want to hang out tonight? it’s been awhile.” stumbling over his limbs before he found his footing, anton draped his arm around your shoulder as the two of you walked through the double doors. stepping into the fairly empty halls of your school, bumping into other athlete students roaming around after practice, some being none other than antons’ other friends. before you were able to answer his question, he was jogging over to the group of boys — and you quietly followed.

standing in front of anton, his arms hooked around your neck and his head rested on the top of yours. being slightly nudged around as the boys pushed and joked with each other, it was almost as if you weren’t even present. your existence being pushed to the back of antons’ mind as he spoke with what you considered his main friend group.

the reason you two didn’t hang out as much.

but it wasn’t completely their fault, you’d been hesitant to reach out. hesitancy that blossomed from anton finally being able to choose his own paths without looking at you for confirmation. hesitancy from anton telling you time and time again about the all things he’s been able to experience since then. hesitancy that sprung from when anton disclosed how he finally wasn’t a virgin. it had been a year since then, a year that would bring constant reminders of how he wasn’t the same shy boy you’d play in the sandbox with and it had weighed on you ever since. the realization of how the roles had reversed and now you were the one that was confined to the small bubble that you kept yourself in. a bubble that restricted and restrained you from reaching what people would call, your full potential. a bubble you refused to let burst and pop.

just not yet.

your backpack pressed against his stomach as anton swayed and rocked on his heels, watching as his friends left until they were completely out of sight. squeezing your body, he took a step back to give you some room. “you never answered my question by the way.” pulling on the straps of his backpack, anton started walking towards the exit to the school’s parking lot. quickly following behind him, you harshly tugged on the back of his shirt. causing his body to come to an abrupt halt. twisting around to look at you, he had a look of confusion all over his face.

“you never gave me time to answer.” punching at his toned arm, you raised eyebrows at him — waiting for an apology of some sort. rubbing the flesh of his arm, a few whiny sorrys leaving his mouth. an overly dramatic frown present on his lips, anton watched you pull your phone from the side pocket of your bag. staring at the way your manicured nails repeatedly hit the glass. “told my mom i’ll be coming home later.” glancing up from your screen, you locked eyes with anton. an anton who was absentmindedly staring into your soul “now stop just standing there and show me where you parked!” pushing at his body, he acted as if you’d thrown him to the ground. “hey you could have hurt me..” his hands came up to cover his eyes as he pretended to cry into his palms.

“guess i’ll have to ask your mom to kiss it better. maybe even a little more if she’s willing.” before he could completely finish his sentence, anton was darting through the parking lot. sliding into his car and locking the doors mere seconds before you could yank at the cold handle. even though he wasn’t able to hear you, he could make out the way you were violently cursing him out from behind the glass.

kicking your shoes off at the front, you were greeted with a hi and a bye as antons’ mom darted out of the family home with his brother attached to her hip. reminding you of the times in middle school when she’d pull you into the kitchen and constantly thank you for being friends with her son. the same woman who used to hug you tightly and silently cry whenever you came around to hang out with him. the same woman who saw you as her sons savior from a long and lonely childhood.

sure, she no longer pulled you aside or praise you for doing the bare minimum when it came to anton. but she’d always find a way to thank you without using her words. one of those ways being with food. unsure if anton had told her of your visit, your suspicion would be confirmed by tray of snacks displayed on the kitchen island. excitement surged throughout your body as you started slipping into one of the barstools, all while anton was hunched over rummaging through the refrigerator.

ripping open one of the bags of chips, you pulled your phone from the waistband of your biker shorts. placing a few of the chips into your mouth before making your way to instagram. admittedly, you had a bad habit of checking his account.

even when he was around.

clicking through the post that you saw time and time again, you fumbled to close the app when anton unexpectedly dropped onto your shoulder. “come on, we’re finally together again and you’re on your phone.” snatching the device, you instantly regretted telling him your password all those months ago. but to your surprise, he simply put it into the pocket of his hoodie. “talk to me, what’s been going on since what..” stopped to think. bringing a hand up to scratch his head, you couldn’t help but notice how the sleeves were rolled up just enough to expose his forearms. the way it flexed with every movement.

“shit i can’t even remember, just talk to me.” back leant against the island, it was now your time to scratch your head. laughing at yourself when you couldn’t think of even one interesting thing. “nothing actually, same old same old.” leaning forward, his eye darted down to your back. watching the fabric lift and expose your bare skin for the second time that night. “okay how about, have you found a boyfriend yet?” face flush against the cold marble, it didn’t come as a surprise that he would ask such a question.

in fact, you expected it.

it was the topic of discussion of your last hang out. and the one before that. and the one before that. ever since he started experimenting with the opposite gender, antons’ curiosity about your experiences spiked. you knew all about his encounters, but when it came to yours? cobwebs. a lot of things held you back from trying it with anyone else. exploring your body by yourself in the comfort of your room. but of course, like many things, you just could never figure out exactly what you liked, how you liked it, or who you’d like to experience it with.

“no i haven’t.” shooting him a quick answer before getting up from the leather seat. the ripping sound of your skin removing itself from the cushion ringing in your ears. dragging your feet across the hardwood floors, anton quickly snatched a few snacks up before running after you. pushing open the creaky door of his old bedroom, you took in the space as if it were to change before your eyes. but nothing ever changed in his room, from the complex figurines that lined his walls, neatly dusted and cared for down to the faded crayon marks on his baseboards.

sinking into his mattress, anton followed in suite. resting his back against his pillows and head against the headboard. “so, what’s stopping you?” craning your neck to look up at him, every fibber in your body told you that if you were to tell him why, it would be oversharing.

but can best friends of nearly a decade truly overshare at this point?

“listen to me anton.” lifting your body up, you rested onto your elbows. an awkward feeling bubbling in the pit of your stomach as he shifted his whole attention towards you.

“i’m listening.” he smiled as he spoke.

it was almost as if years of embarrassment and resentment all came to the surface just by looking at his face. the way he smiled without a care in the world. the way he didn’t have to worry about the things that would divide your world.

mouth repeatedly opening and closing, it was almost as if the words got caught in the back of your throat. rephrasing the sentence in your mind over and over until it finally reached the tip of your tongue.

“i feel like i’m falling behind. like we’re literally about to graduate and i still haven’t done it. i guess i was just too embarrassed to tell you whenever you asked before..” your words came out in more of a blabber instead of a real, coherent sentence.

your words lingered in the air and hiis silence only added to the feeling of despair that built in your stomach. eyes glossed over, chest tightening at the mere thought of potentially overstepping some unspoken line. it never felt like this when he spoke to you about his own personal issues, so why was it so strange when you do it? your eyes darted across his face for a sign of any emotion — shit, even a look of malice would be nice. but he continued to sit there. lips forming a tight line as he stared at your face.

“that’s it?” lips curling into a smile, anton tilted his head as he finally strung together what you meant by it. “you’re embarrassed because you haven’t had sex?” purposely putting an emphasis on sex, he held back the snort that threatened to rip from his mouth. his response was far from what you expected to hear. it somewhat put you on edge, but calmed your nerves at the same token.

“yeah.. sex.” letting your body collapse into his mattress, your head planted deep into the comforter — anton let his hand come up to slowly rub circles onto the back of your head. suddenly grateful for the times where anton didn’t say a word, the silence brought more comfort to your sour mood then any noise ever could. until a quiet whisper sliced through that comforting silence.

threatening to burst into that protective bubble you’ve so carefully crafted.

“i can help you.” he stated, the naturally soft voice he possessed somehow getting even more hushed. the bed dipped and creaked as he moved his body closer to yours. his knees sinking into the memory foam as you readjusted yourself —legs folded underneath your body. “help me? no no that’s..” biting the tip of your tongue, you watched as antons eyes focused on how your mouth moved instead of the usual eye contact.

“that would make things weird. we can’t do that.” bringing a finger to your mouth, your teeth anxiously bite the false nail — polish chipping onto your teeth. shaking his head in disagreement, anton cupped your cheek in the palm of his hand. “it’s not weird if we don’t tell anyone.” leaning his body closer to yours, his lips brushed against yours before he pulled back. watching as you chased his face, mind clearly on autopilot.

squeezing the flesh of your face, your eyes automatically closed from the slight pain and tingling sensation. giving him just enough time to reach for his phone that was shoved into his back pocket. thumb swiping over the glass, his eyes would shift from your face to the device. quickly pressing record, anton meticulously placed the device into the window that was right next to his bed. seeing the reflection of the recording, he covered the rest of his phone with his curtains, turning his attention back to you.

“just say you want tonie to help you feel good. and i won’t make you wait.” plans of cutting that part out of the video made a sick smile form on his lips as he watched your eyes flutter open and your naturally puffy lips part. hands gripping onto his hoodie as his grip on your cheeks tightened. causing your lips to involuntarily pucker and drool to coat them in a thin layer.

“please, i want tonie to help me feel good..”

positioned onto your stomach, your legs dangled from the egde of his bed while he shuffled and moved behind you. using the loose ponytail you’d already provided for him, anton used it was means to lift your head from off the bed. placing a condom wrapped in between your teeth and telling you to bite. ripping open the packaging, he let your head fall back into the mattress all while he slipped the rubber onto his cock. he didn’t wanna waste time — the video on his phone around reaching the 20 minute mark from the small kissing lesson he decided to give you at the last minute.

slotting himself between your legs, anton forced your knees onto the bed. deepening the small arch in your back. bringing his hands to caress and pinch at the flesh of your torso, he would eventually remove one from your body. fishing around in his hoodie until his fingers wrapped around your phone. as you laid there, patiently, the pads of his thumb swiped and swiped until he lands on your camera app. making sure the flash was off, he didn’t say a word as his hands continued to play with the flesh of your waist.

slowly making his way down, his made sure to grip at the skin of your ass, spreading you apart before planting a small, yet firm, spank on the flesh. as you whined into the blankets, your body twitched and seized at the impact. “doing alright pretty?” the video would just barely pick up his voice as it panned to the back of your head, then down to his hand free hand squeezing at the base of his dick. smacking his length onto your thighs, anton finally alined himself with your hole that clenched around air.

one moment he was coating the tip with your slick, the next his hips were flush with your ass. a muffled cry leaving your lips as he gave you time to adjust to the foreign feeling. leaning back, anton used his free hand to wrap your ponytail around his hand.

“is my pretty best friend ready to no longer be a virgin..” almost as if he was mocking you, he started using the hair to pull your body back to meet his painfully slow and sharp thrusts. keeping a firm grip on your phone, anton made sure he got closeups on how you sucked his confined cock back inside. the audio being clouded by the cries that filled his dim room. as he quickened his thrust, his eyes darted back to his phone that was still recording. wanting it to pick up the sight of your tear stained face, he just had to make sure it hadn’t shifted from the harsh movements.

because why would one angle ever be enough?

your shaky voice drew his attention away from the camera and back to you. “repeat that, i.. i didn’t catch that.” but instead of responding with words, you’d respond with your body. weak attempts of crawling away from his hips giving him all the answers he needed.

“nuh uh.. stay right there and take it. you asked, remember?” smiling to himself, he watched through the small lenses as your body spasmed underneath him.

the next few days to follow were, strange. eyes lingered on your body longer than usual as you trudged through the halls of your old school. whispering coming from all angles until one of antons’ friends finally broke the news.

“isn’t this you?”

pop. there goes that bubble..

yana here. giving you a fat smooch after making you wait so long for an ACTUAL writing and not some half-assed joke of words on your screen. but i can’t be the only one who loves the idea of anton putting your whole life on blast. but maybe i am bc it’s been confirmed MULTIPLE TIMES how im a little weirdo. now i sleep, hope you enjoyed. xoxo, freakyana.