#࿔‧ ֶָ֢˚˖���˖˚ֶָ֢ ‧࿔ elora's PhD in overthinking

[somewhereincairparavel]

I'm so immersed in my jason grace new rome uni fic that I'm studying ancient roman law terms using this as an excuse. help.

[somewhereincairparavel]

i will forever be confused over the 'mocking gingers' jokes on the internet, stuff like 'i'd rather eat dirt than be a redhead' lol ginger hair is so gorgeous I'd fold if I ever saw a redhead

[somewhereincairparavel]

does anyone else here feel so messy, lazy and unmotivated?? like I used to have varied interests like art, painting etc. and was generally very happy as a child but now I feel like I'm mediocre in everything I do, generally feel so unenthusiastic about things, just want to sleep all day, I also can't get rid of my acne, which I have on my back, arms and face, hairfall, my face overall looks so dull (as pointed out by so many ppl) ugh i hope this is just a teenager thing bc I feel so moody and useless and I just want to escape to fictional universes.

[somewhereincairparavel]

watching the camp half blood musical animatics is giving me HIGH nostalgia because it reminds me of the late 2023/early 2024 pjo fandom era when i first entered the tumblr pjo fandom community, I used to play those musicals on loop during the time the show was getting buzz. that also happened to be a time where i was getting into hoo and jason again and I started posting about him and the only time I fully emerged into the pjo fandom as whole bc before I was hyper fixated in other fandoms. the pjo community isn't hitting the same anymore why bring it back guys pls 😮‍💨

[somewhereincairparavel]

one of my hidden dreams is to write a cool fantasy series one day where people yap the shit out of my characters and plots and make analysis posts, headcanons on tumblr (assuming it will still be just as active, hopefully) but I also have a hidden fear that people would slander me or something for what I did w the plot or character or if I offended them in any way w the potential theme i would've used maybe??? leave it up to me to overthink a hypothetical scenario 😭

[somewhereincairparavel]

is someone gonna match my freak? (reading the most random things on reddit at 3:00 AM when I have online french tutoring at 5:40 AM)

[somewhereincairparavel]

genuinely missing the late 2023/early 2024 pjo tumblr era, something about pjo tumblr doesn't hit the way it did back then idk. maybe I'm biased bc that's when I started posting about jason + pjo stuff for the first time after I read the books, that was also the time where the pjo show came out so that's why pjo tumblr was at its peak? istg there used to be so much fanart + pjo x reader fics and all my moots were so active :(((

[somewhereincairparavel]

am I considered dumb if I'm shit at physics (the equations and calculations), chemistry and math but I'm good at biology, psychology, history, english, geography, economics, business studies and a lil mediocre at accounting-

[somewhereincairparavel]

i feel so dumb, yesterday my tutor tested me on a few problems (accounting) and I couldn't do a THING correctly omg even though we'd been going over that lesson for WEEKS and she looked so disappointed and went 'were you pretending to understand all this time? because that means you really wasted my time and yours, you know' and i really didn't know what to say omg. worst part is I told her just a few minutes before this whole thing that we could move on to the next lesson because I claimed i understood everything and didn't expect her to test me 😭

[somewhereincairparavel]

i hate to think about this now, but the future prospect of me being 'too busy' with life to be on pjo tumblr one day, genuinely scares me. because wdym I'm too busy doing grown up stuff to yap about my roman empire...

[somewhereincairparavel]

manifesting going to oxford or cambridge uni one day 🤞🤞

[somewhereincairparavel]

dam my recent jason post is blowing up so hard and it's not even been like 5 hours since i posted it wow guys calm down (i appreciate sm tho thank you <33)

but the downside of having a post randomly get popular is that I have to brace myself the next morning to counter rude and petty arguments that people would sometimes reblog and comment (esp if it's a jason grace appreciation post like geez let me love him in peace without you biting my head off dawg) but I'm always happy for a debate (unless it's extremely rude or nonsensical nitpicky gibberish sorry)

can I also express how much i hate RUDE reblogs bc I can't even delete it ugh

[somewhereincairparavel]

ugh I've been feeling like literal shit lately as much as I tried to feel okay. my sleep schedule is shit, I feel like I'm disappointing my family, my eyesight got worse when I was hoping I'd decrease the dioptres, i feel absolutely aimless with no motivation to re ignite my hobbies, ive been drawing since I was like 3 but instead of progressing i feel like I'm regressing, since i had a major break/burn out from it randomly and have never been able to pick it back up, i feel lonely in my real life, pjo tumblr hasn't been hitting lately, many of moots left, I have SO much acne and scars in my face, back and arms, my skin feels greasy and oily all the time, with even people pointing that out, my family have been acting so moody with me too, I'm also oversleeping so much lately, i just feel aimless and useless tbh.

[somewhereincairparavel]

GUYS crush update after SO long omgg

so yesterday, both of us got to be in the same class after a very long time, and only four of us showed up to class, so I in a way, I kinda got alone time with him, and the coaches paired us up in the very beginning of the class to play a match together

(which NEVER happens, mind you, since he's a senior player and I joined like 4 months ago, and there was one other junior boy that the coach could've paired me up with, but he paired us both up so I'm grateful af)

So we started the game, and he went so damn easy on me? I've watched him play before and he's agressive af sometimes, but I deduced this as him just being soft bc he knows I'm kind of a noob, but it felt more like a rally than a proper match tbh.

and the most interesting part is that every time he scored a point against me, he gave me an extra point aswell? I'm not sure I'm explaining this correctly but you're usually supposed to yell eachother's scores each time someone gets a point (like "6-7") and when I had 5 points, he was supposed to yell "5-6" since he had just scored a point over me, but he yelled "6 all".

Like idk if he did it intentionally or if he just lost track of my score? But he did it SO many times in the game that my dumb ass thought it was rule in badminton 💀 I had to look it up after I got home to realize that he was actually cheating the game to give me extra points.

And not only that, he gave me an extra point when I missed the shuttle (it was his serve and i was looking somewhere else and basically missed his serve, which was my mistake, mind you I wasn't supposed to be daydreaming mid match) in order to make our scores equal so I don't lose a point omgg. He even smiled and did a tiny clap thing after I scored a point over him, but overall I felt like he cheated in the match way too much for me which kinda melts me.

and when my younger cousin (who's been playing for 5 years) was playing with the other junior next me (it was a half court match) he kept being annoying, kept insulting me and trying give me unsolicited advice while I was trying to focus on the match, this happened every time I missed a point from my crush, and after a while, my crush seemed to have noticed and got annoyed by cousin's egoistic yapping that just went "dude could you like stop talking for 5 minutes, she only ever misses a point when you keep distrubing and distracting her while she's trying to play" and gave me extra points then aswell omg

[somewhereincairparavel]

guys I went to the mall today with my best friend and it just me or does anyone else feel so awkward around people their age in public spaces?? Because I feel like those other people I saw (especially girls who go in groups) look way better than me and look like models, they look so confident and classy that sometimes I feel like I'm just so lame :(( I have sm acne not just in my face but my back and arms too, and i wear glasses that don't suit me either, glasses in general don't look good on me. my dress wasn't aesthetic enough, my hair wasn't pretty enough, I feel like my arms and legs are not toned enough, I am not tall enough. gosh I hate feeling so inferior around other people who are my age. I've always had confidence issues, but I only realised how bad it was after I go outside... I never feel pretty enough or good enough

[somewhereincairparavel]

does anyone ever get the feeling of nostalgia WHILE you are living the moment? I think it's called anticipatory nostalgia, like I just KNOW that in even 3-4 years I'll think back on this particular moment and be like 'i miss those times where all I had to worry about was what pjo thing I need to post about next' like I KNOW I'll feel that way