#συт σғ вσσкs { ooc }

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(*Alright so I’m not o f f i c i a l l y off my hiatus but I am going to make an effort on get on here more often. More under the cut.*)

(*My ex and I are moving forward with the divorce. For the record, please don’t ask me if I’m okay. I am fine. I know the asking comes from a good place, but seriously, I’m good. The divorce was my idea, and I’ve been the one pushing forward with it. It had to happen. Honestly, it’s the stress of the aftermath that’s been giving me anxiety.

Unfortunately, with him moved out and me living alone, I don’t have a laptop. The one I had been using is his because mine crashed a while back and I just haven’t had the money to afford a new one. I was hoping to get one on Black Friday but rent and bills took precedence. 

So at the moment, I have no idea when I’ll be getting a new laptop. I may very well have to wait until tax returns. Then I can put money aside and look into getting something. I’m borrowing my ex’s laptop for the moment because I needed a computer for something work-related, but it’s temporary. So as much as I’d like to say “Hey I’m back”, he could come get the laptop tomorrow and I’ll vanish again.

But while I’m here, I would really like to get my baby up and going again. I used to be super active, and tonight showed me how much I missed roleplaying. SO don’t be a stranger, feel free to hit me up whenever. Work keeps me wicked busy, so I can’t promise I’ll respond immediately, but I will respond. And if Tumblr turns out to be too much of a pain in the ass to talk through, Discord is always an option. 

On that note, I’m gonna get off here. I have work tomorrow and two kitties who are still adjusting to the newness of my apartment (bc btw I got kittens). So I’m gonna deal with that and then prolly crash

Thanks y’all ♥*)

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thenameiscrow replied to your post “(*Guess who got a laptop for Christmas! Which means guess who can...”

I'm gonna say you. Glad to see you back~

(*You would be correct! <3 Thank you bby*)

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jcligarcon replied to your post “(*Guess who got a laptop for Christmas! Which means guess who can...”

IM SCREAMING CAN I SCREAM

(*YES BBY YOU CAN SCREAM*)

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A Belated Update

(*So some of you might remember when I made a post about my husband, and the eight years of mental/verbal/emotional abuse I dealt with from him. So it's worth letting y'all know that I left him. Finally. We got into a fight the other night, and I packed some clothes, some essentials and left. I've been staying with a friend, but I've overall been a complete trainwreck for almost a week about it. I'm glad to be gone, but my life is about to face a huge upheaval as the divorce process starts, and everything that comes with it. It'll take some time to settle, and I'm currently in the process of finding somewhere to live (I'm staying with a friend for now, but it's not a permanent solution). But I thought I'd let you guys know what's going on. Sorry for my absence, I'm awful about keeping up on here and I'm so sorry for that. There's just been a lot happening lately.*)

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(*When the cysts burst and it's so painful that even going from couch to floor is almost enough to make you black out*)

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(*I have laundry for days and possibly a computer to use sooooo I might hop on in a bit to actually do replies.*)

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(*I did a reply. Holy shit.

That felt awesome.*)

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(*Dinner time at Star's household. Also exactly how breakfast time goes. Midnight, my angelic fluffy ragdoll, is sitting patiently in the bedroom, waiting quietly for me to bring her food there. Because if I feed her with the others, they bully her out of the way and eat all her food. Also heading off for trivia night. Wish me luck!*)

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[-Hugs- shhh I'm here for you ^^]

(*-hugs back tightly- Thank you ❤️ It’s been a rough week, but I’m moving forward. Going back has never been my thing*)

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(*-slides in here-

Hey y’all. Finally starting to put the pieces back together, so I’m going to slowly try to start inching my way back on here because I miss it. I am sorry for the extended/unannounced hiatus, but I really just needed to take some time to get my shit together. And now that it’s improving-- and now that there aren’t bite and claw marks over my arms-- I’m feeling better about coming back!

So hopefully you don’t all hate me ;w;*)

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(*-flops in- Am alive! Sorry about the lack of activity (again), but I have a visitor that I'm super fucking souped about! Anyone remember Bunny? She's only here for another day, and then she and her family are going up to Niagara Falls, but I've been spending as much time with her as possible because I've obviously missed the shit out of her. So I should be back soon; maybe later tonight if she falls asleep early like she usually does.*)

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(*Gimme like two minutes to get dressed because I been lounging around naked because I'm too lazy to put clothes on after my showers tbfh. And then I'll respond to memes*)

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(*I’m honestly so sorry about my inactivity. And I know I keep posting these, and then saying I’ll be back soon, just to continue not being here. More of a description under the cut.

For those of you who are unaware, I live with bipolar disorder. And I’m not medicated. I’m in therapy, every week at the same time. But I don’t take medication because honestly I don’t want to go through the hassle of finding a psychiatrist again to prescribe them just to deal with shelling out $30 every week to sit down for five minutes and say “My meds are working.” And most psychiatrists in the area refuse to do monthly or biweekly appointments.

But it’s been harder lately for me to cope with it with just therapy, and my therapist thinks my job might be triggering that. Also for those unaware, I work with kids between 4-12 who struggle with behavioral disorders. And as a residential counselor, part of my job requires me to maintain a composed affect for the entirety of my shift. And it’s just... it’s really hard sometimes. To not be heartbroken by some of the things I know about my kids. So lately, the depression side of my bipolar has been really difficult for me to handle, and that’s kind of why I haven’t been on as much as I want to be. The desire is there, but the motivation is just... gone. It takes a lot of effort for me to start my laptop up, even if it’s sitting five feet away.

I am going to talk, this Saturday, to my therapist about possibly getting back on medication, though. Because living like this is miserable, and I miss being on here. I miss threading. I miss talking to people, and I don’t like what my mental illness is turning me into. I put a lot of work into pulling myself out of the hole I was in before I was in treatment, and I don’t want to fall back into that.

So I’m sorry for not being around, and if you’ve stuck around despite me being a miserable, absent mun, thank you so so fucking much. I can’t even tell you what it means to me. But it means a lot. A whole lot. Thank you. Thank you thank you thank you.*)

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ANSWER THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR MUSE SO PEOPLE KNOW HOW SHIPPING WORKS ON YOUR BLOG. REPOST. DON’T REBLOG.

tagged by:  @arpeggxo

tagging: 

ᴡʜᴀᴛ ɪs ʏᴏᴜ ᴏᴛᴘ ꜰᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴍᴜsᴇ ? I’m literal trash for Zemyx/IenzoMyde (or Emyd, Dyme, whatever “Somebody” name people come up with for the water baby)

ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡɪʟʟɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ʀᴘ ᴡʜᴇɴ ɪᴛ ᴄᴏᴍᴇs ᴛᴏ sʜɪᴘᴘɪɴɢ ? E v e r y t h i n g

ʜᴏᴡ ʟᴀʀɢᴇ ᴅᴏᴇs ᴛʜᴇ ᴀɢᴇ ɢᴀᴘ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ɪᴛ ᴜɴᴄᴏᴍꜰᴏʀᴛᴀʙʟᴇ ? Ehhh… this one’s a tough one to answer? I’m less concerned about the age gap so long as both muses are of age. It’s always nice for the muses to be similar or close in age, but I’ve done ships with significant age differences. Both have their pros. Like I said, so long as both muses are of age, I’m pretty much cool with any age gap.

ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ sᴇʟᴇᴄᴛɪᴠᴇ ᴡʜᴇɴ sʜɪᴘᴘɪɴɢ ? Sometimes. It depends on the mun and the muse, and I feel like that sounds really asshole-ish, and I don’t mean for it to. But if I don’t particularly like how a certain mun ships with others, I probably won’t be too keen on shipping with them. I’m also really weird about shipping with certain duplicates. Case in point, I ship my nerd with Willow’s Isa, and while I’d be super down for interacting with any other Isa, I don’t know if I could ship with another one, just because of how intricate and involved that particular ship is.

ʜᴏᴡ ꜰᴀʀ ᴅᴏ sᴛᴇᴀᴍʏ ᴍᴏᴍᴇɴᴛs ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴛᴏ ɢᴏ ʙᴇꜰᴏʀᴇ ᴛʜᴇʏ'ʀᴇ ᴄᴏɴsɪᴅᴇʀᴇᴅ ɴsꜰᴡ ? Okay so, I have a niece. She’s 12. Very innocent for her age (thank fuckin god because lord knows high school’s about to beat that out of her). So I consider something nsfw once it reaches a point where I’d cover her eyes if it was happening on a movie. Kissing is fine, some wandering hands are fine. But once lips start moving to body parts below the general collarbone area, my hands gotta cover my niece’s eyes, and that’s when I’ll usually start tagging it nsfw.

ᴡʜᴏ ᴀʀᴇ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀ ᴍᴜsᴇs ʏᴏᴜ sʜɪᴘ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴍᴜsᴇ ᴡɪᴛʜ ? I’m open to any other ships tbh. I love ships? I love the different things that can happen with them, the different routes it can take, different backstories, different… everything. There’s so many different options and AU’s and verses that I can’t honestly say that I’m closed off to any one particular ship with my muse. So long as there’s chemistry between my nerd and the other, and so long as I’m comfortable approaching the mun to be like “SO HEY I GOT THIS IDEA”, then I’m basically open to it.

ᴅᴏᴇs ᴏɴᴇ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴀsᴋ ᴛᴏ sʜɪᴘ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʏᴏᴜ ? Not really? I mean, if you try forcing it, we’re gonna have some problems, but you don’t necessarily have to ask to ship with me. That makes me feel like I’m giving permission and that doesn’t feel right to me. Shipping is a two-way street. Discussing it, yes. Asking me? Please no. Don’t make me adult any more than I have to.

ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴍᴜʟᴛɪsʜɪᴘ ? Omfg I have to be. Lol.

ꜰɪɴᴀʟʟʏ, ʜᴏᴡ ᴅᴏᴇs ᴏɴᴇ sʜɪᴘ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʏᴏᴜ ? Literally throw yourself in my arms and go “STAr so I HAVE THIS IDEA WHERE OUR MUSES DO THE FRICK-FRACK.” And I’ll probably be like “YES OKAY TELL ME THIS IDEA” For real, though, just message me about whatever idea you have. Or even if you don’t, just tell me you’re interested in a ship. I tend to sink my teeth into one idea and just roll with it from there.

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(*I know I've been awol this last week or so, and I'm sorry for that guys. Surgery went well, but it's not been a fun recovery. I pushed myself to go back to work after like two days because sitting around just doesn't suit me. I don't think I did more damage to my knee, but it was exhausting. I go back to my doctor today, and he's hopefully gonna give me a lighter script for the pain meds because right now, I'm on some heavy narcotics, and I'm wicked susceptible to anything that makes you drowsy, which these do. So it's been a weird kind of week where I have periods of time that are just... fuzzy. But hopefully that ends soon, and I'll be back. I know I owe a lot of y'all replies, and I'll get back to it. In the meantime, messaging me on here is probably your best bet to get ahold of me because neither sk.ype nor d.iscord seem to be giving me notifications. But either way, I'm alive, I'm gimping around and I shall return.*)

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(*So I’d like to introduce y’all to my friend John. He’s kinda goofy looking, and this isn’t honestly his best picture, but it’s so him that I couldn’t not post it.

When I was in middle school, 8th grade, I was really close with this one kid who later got expelled because he made some really disturbing threats toward the school, its students and its faculty. Ultimately, I went to guidance about it because I was worried, but the stigma of being friends with him-- in any capacity-- followed me for a while. I was wicked shy back then, awkward, I didn’t talk much, and his expulsion honestly made it that much worse. I kinda became the target of this group of popular girls in my grade, and they verbally-- sometimes physically-- attacked me because I’d been friends with “that fucking psycho”, which obviously meant I was just as problematic as him.

John didn’t know me, we’d never really spoken, he was popular and I wasn’t. But when he caught wind of what was happening, he and a few of his friends banded together to defend me. His girlfriend at the time was one of the main instigators, and he broke up with her because he didn’t want to be with someone that cruel. He walked me to my classes and to my bus at the end of the day. He sat with me in the classes we actually had together. Generally, he just became my friend, and it was honestly exactly what I’d needed at the time.

I share this story because I found out on Tuesday that John died, and I’m aching with this loss. I didn’t just lose a friend, but this world lost a genuinely amazing man. Until the day he died, John was just as wonderful as he was when he was 13 years old. He was legitimately the type of person who would give his jacket to a homeless person because they needed it more than he did. He was just... so kind-hearted, and losing him hurts, especially because it wasn’t something any of us saw coming. He was healthy, he didn’t do drugs, he wasn’t reckless. He lived in a house with his fiancee and their dog, he owned half of his family’s company. He took care of himself. But fate’s got a funny way of working, and he suffered a “sudden fatal medical episode.”

If you pray, send up a prayer for him. If you light a candle, put one in your window. Whatever you do to mourn a lost soul, I just ask that you do it now. Because John deserves everything this world had to offer, and he lost it all far too young. This world is a sadder place without him in it, and a lot of us are going to be feeling this death for a very long time. I just ask that you take two seconds to send some good wishes his way. Because the white candle I have flickering in the window... it’s just not enough.*)