#ˏˋ self para ˎˊ

[mortiium]

greer  newman  tag  drop .

[kismutt]

ELVIRA  KACHRYLION  tag  dump  !! 

[maddgical-boy]

remakin my pinned post bc i love spending hours on fun formats. anyways

⸝⸝⊂➜﹒it's me! ⊃⸝⸝

mark/vinny ☆ he/him ☆ minor (strictly 18+ only blogs block me)

hello all! here i post about all things daydreaming-related, as well as some self insert stuff since there is big overlap there for me.

i have mainly fictparacosms (paracosms of existing fictional media). i'm kinda shy about them so i don't discuss them as much but please be respectful when i do. they do not always line up with canon and i just want to be happy and have a fun time.

❤️ this blog is a safe space for all madders/iders and whatever you daydream about. even if it's considered really dark nasty shit, and even if it's willingly! fiction is fiction my friends. ❤️

feel free to send asks about my paracosms or about yours! tumblr is buggy and i am chronically ill so i may not get to it right away, but rest easy knowing each ask is treasured in my heart <3 i'm shy but i want to interact with you all.

i make big use of the block button if i don't like your vibes or even if we just don't agree about stuff. unfortunately my block barrier from my main doesn't extend to sideblogs and i have to block separately from here, which i sometimes forget to do. so blanket statement for all my blogs and socials:

🚫 TERFS AND ZIONISTS/PRO-ISRAEL PEOPLE GTFO 🚫

and hey! if you can spare some money check out the #donations tag on my main for vetted palestinian GFMs! 🇵🇸❤️

if you want to see more of my silly self talking about other random things, my main is @thecrimeofmans-laughter!

below are paracosms & tags!

paracosms ☁︎‎‎‧₊˚*𖦹

these fluctuate in and out of how relevant they are to me, especially because god cursed my interests to wholly take over my life and then suddenly evaporate like sweat. this is also why i have random mini paracosms that only come out of hibernation if my hyperfixation does too! lmao

───-> ORIGINAL

■ queerer things still — five teens learn of the magical secret realms on earth and travel through them to uncover the main para (enya liao)'s mysterious past. all of them have magical powers and all of them have emotional baggage that they are eventually forced to deal with by fighting monsters that target their greatest weaknesses. everything is weird and also everything is queer (hence the name).

───-> FICTPARACOSMS

■ arrows of shield — big crossover between marvel's agents of shield and the cw's arrowverse. at the center of it all is me, because i am awesome. the only other teenagers (and original paras) are cicero (an entity meant to deal with all emotional and physical pains) and jessop jiang (a boy from the typical 60s american suburb who accidentally killed his mother).

■ the super happy life of akemi ōtani — a blanket paracosm for all daydreams involving any of koei's musou warriors games (that i have played, which is dw8, sw2, 4, 4ii, and 5, and wo4). the name is from one of my two samurai warriors ocs, as she has a very normal, happy life with her dad and sister that is absolutely not besieged by period-typical war. (also my icon on this blog is of nō, who is a character from sw5! she's in her dlc outfit. i love her)

■ yttd paracosm 2 — i don't have a name for this one yet shhh. anyway have you ever theorized that shunsuke hayasaka is sue miley's mysterious fiancé and then made a yttd sona that has become separate from you and is also their adopted child and is also dating ranmaru kageyama and then spent way too much time rewriting the lore of the game to fit this change? that's what this is. (my first yttd paracosm is asunaroland which isn't as major anymore but yeah. i have 2 of these fuckers)

tags i'll use ˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

i love using tags i love organizing i love formatting i love archiving ＼(^▽^＠)ノ ☆ヾ(*´▽｀)ﾉ ~(≧◇≦)/ﾞﾞﾞ

my original posts -> #mark stops daydreaming for a sec.txt

answering asks -> #mark answers asks, #ask game answers | feel free to send in something from my ask game!

vents about madd -> #madd vent, #intrusive daydreaming | all of these are ok to rb

positivity about daydreaming -> #positivity <3

my art -> #martk | other art is on my toyhouse and instagram! | want me to draw your paras? commission me!

useful madd-related things -> #useful

anything not daydreaming-related, for whatever reason -> #not madd

...and probably other tags i'm forgetting! yayyy!!

all paracosms and paras are tagged #like this* to avoid anything (like fictpara stuff) showing up in big public tags because i am Scared

dividers: animatedglittergraphics-n-more

[shikitstubasibrary]

Chapter 10 checkpoint!

La semana pasada recordé que tenía un doc para una side story acerca el diario de Rinne (descontinuado, nunca supe qué hacer con eso) que borré junto a otras cosas innecesarias cuando conseguí un nuevo pc (ojalá, es una laptop)

SIN EMBARGO recordé que hice un par de garabatos acerca de Katori— específicamente uno sobre Oz y Tama chiquitos, también un par de Chise, así que quizás haga omakes sobre cosas que se tuvieron que quedar fuera como el ya mencionado Oz y Tama chiquitos.

Fin del comunicado.

˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗

Last week I remembered there used to be a side story doc about Rinne's diary (discontinued, I never knew what to do with it) that I eraesed along other unnecesary stuff when I got a new pc (I wish, it's actually a laptop)

HOWEVER I remembered making little doodles about Katori— especifically one about baby Oz and Tama, and also some about Chise, so at some point I'll make omakes about things that saldly had to be left out like the already mentioned baby Oz and Tama

AND because these are short scenarios I'll be able to self translate them to ENG! yippieee

Okay imma leave now fr bye

Nos vemos en una siguiente notas de autor, si es que hay

See you next author's note if there's one

[carmenflores]

ˏˋ self para ˎˊ sunday service

tws: religion, catholic guilt, internalized homophobia 

sunday, july 5, 2020 

the first birthday carmen remembers was when she turned five. her dress had been pink and it matched her sister’s fuschia skirt. she remembers this because she had wanted a blue dress and no matter how much she begged she had not been able to get away with it. even if owen thought it was cute, it didn’t help. even if twice as many people had shown up to her party than her sister’s, it didn’t cheer her up. sometimes, carmen looks at her baby pictures and wonders if it really could be her smiling in front of a birthday tres leches cake at four years old. seemed like a completely different person. 

her fifteenth birthday was the worst one, in retrospective, so many things could have been avoided if her mother had simply agreed to let her out of the stupid quince años party. not that her mother would ever confess to that. the whole ordeal had been dreadful: finding the dress, putting up with her seven aunts basically moving into her house, and, worst of all, picking her chambelanes. it sounds easy, until you realize you live in a small (read: white) town that has no patience for anything different. hey! i am turning fifteen so i’m being forced to partake in a sexist antiquated ritual, would you like to be a part of it? it includes dancing in front of my extended family! no thanks. luckily for her, she is puerto rican and had several cousins to take up space, so she only had to approach a couple guys at school. theo, charlie, and some other friends were happy to help. luckily for her mother, the pastor’s son was handsome and single, and he was happy to take the spot as her main chambelán. victor bosques, fifteen, mexican. the whole package. from the moment he said yes, her mother started planning the wedding.

so carmen turned fifteen in church, giving thanks to la virgen de guadalupe and walking down the aisle in a puffy pink dress. she turned fifteen waltzing in victor’s arms and it would take her eight years to finally spend a birthday out of his clutches. except not really. 

at sixteen, victor gave her a gold necklace with her initials. at seventeen, he added his initials to the necklace. at eighteen, he forgot her birthday. at nineteen, a gold charm bracelet. at twenty, a key to their new apartment. at twenty-one, a hallmark card. at twenty-two, a pair of gold earrings. at twenty-three, silence. carmen can’t stomach golden jewelry anymore, so she puts on her silver earrings and her best sunday dress to go to the same church that saw her turn fifteen. the same church that saw her run away.

she takes the spot that has been hers every week since she can remember and she keeps her eyes down as her almost father-in-law welcomes people to the service. luckily, she doesn’t have to stand with the choir anymore. she can’t face the crowd she left waiting on the day of her wedding. the service goes by in a blur and carmen moves methodically through the songs and prayers. please god, forgive me for i have sinned, she begs on her knees. for all the pain i have caused my family, for my impure thoughts, for being a bad friend, for my cowardice, for my greed, for my selfishness. por mi culpa, por mi culpa, por mi gran culpa. 

she kisses her rosary as she returns to her seat. her mother elbows her lightly and carmen forces herself to look up as pastor bosques blesses her for her twenty-third birthday. que dios te guíe, mija. he smiles but his words are flat and lack the feeling he used when he blessed her engagement ring a little over a year ago. she knows he is lying, even if everybody else commends his forgiveness and generosity. see you in hell, carmen thinks to herself and then she shudders, hand clutching her silver rosary. 

victor might not have his arms around her but he sure still pulls her strings with his fingers.

“happy birthday, carmencita,” people tell her as they trickle out of the church and she shoots them her bulletproof smile. once more, she walks out of the church without looking back. she feels her mother’s eyes on her. “what did you pray for?” she asks once they are in the car and carmen smiles. “for forgiveness and for your health, mami,” she returns, resting her head on her sister’s shoulder. her mother turns around, pleased. carmen closes her eyes, because she knows half a lie is still a lie. she prayed for forgiveness, she prayed for her mother’s health, but above all she prayed for the strength to come out to her parents. so she pockets her little sin (her birthday gift to herself) and she chants internally all the way home. por mi culpa, por mi culpa, por mi gran culpa.

notes: 

quince años – traditional latinx celebration of a girls’ 15th birthday to symbolize her transition to womanhood. most parties include a religious service, a puffy dress, a waltz with the court, a waltz with the father, gifting the birthday girl with her last doll ever, and the father changing her slippers for heels. 

chambelanes – 15 guys (traditionally family members, close friends, and a romantic interest) who dance with the quinceañera’s court (the birthday girl and her 14 closest friends and age-appropriate family members)

virgen de guadalupe – a latinx (mostly mexican) representation of virgin mary

“por mi culpa, por mi culpa, por mi gran culpa” – literally: “through my fault, through my fault, through my great fault [i have sinned]” excerpt from the confiteor, one of the prayers that can be said during the penitential act at catholic mass. 

i based this service in some christian-catholic services that often exist in places near latinx communities. it could be one of various churches in lake wisteria. 

“que dios te guíe, mija” – literally: “let god guide you, my daughter” 

[leonardosfm]

this is the shape of things we cannot ignore

tagging → the blue ones. 

location → the hamato-seara castle

notes → the little mermaid 2 but with turtles 

as fast as the chaos had occured it seemed to diminish just as quickly. fights never lasted long within the hamato world. family was the core value that pumped through all four brothers and that value was bestowed upon the next generation. the love they had for each other could overcome anything. 

the dispute this time being between leo and his daughter was different than any fight he could have ever had with his brothers. fatherhood was a title that seemed to come easily to leonardo. he wasn’t the eldest so the role of playing father and brother was something personal to raph, but leo had always been a caretaker in some sense being the second oldest and medic of the family. his devotion to his family knew no bounds. he loved them with every fiber of his being. being leader only intensified those feelings of needing to care for his brothers. 

so when two little children came into his life and then a third, leo felt like he had this. at least, his overconfidence allowed him to believe so. it was a scary new development but one he knew he wasn’t alone in because when you’re a hamato you are not alone. 

however, balancing the title of father and sensei was not an easy road. looking back now, leo appreciated his father even more. splinter wasn’t a perfect father by any means but he was the best one leo could have asked for.

leo hadn’t seen lorena since she walked out of the dojo. he was aware that the girls, donnie and eric had all seen her but he was giving her space until she was ready to talk. he knew if he budged before hand it could only make the situation worse. they needed the time to both collect their thoughts. leo did at least. leave it to donnie to help his brother with a much needed break through. his twin knew him too well and knew exactly what leo needed to hear. donnie was right, which as much as leo didn’t want to admit it donnie was right more often than not, leo needed to open up.

communication wasn’t exactly leo’s strong suit. he lacked it in various places in his life. whether it was his own emotions or even plans on the battlefield, leo often left people out of what was going on in his mind until he was left with the consequences. when it came to his own trauma and past his kids knew nothing. they were very young when he had lost his arm. even back then, they had been able to sugarcoat what had happened and spared them the nitty gritty details. they were children. they didn’t need to know those harsh truths.

but now the children he once knew were no longer kids. they were young adults making their way through the world. they were curious and needed guidance. leo couldn’t keep shutting them out to protect them from things they didn’t know. perhaps it wasn’t even protecting them but moreso leo in fear that if the kids even knew a sliver of the truth would they look at him differently. his kids looked at him with stars in their eyes. when leo looked down at them he knew he did something right in this world. no insecurities, doubts, shredder or cause could take that away from him. 

after rampant time in elias, leo was back home. he spent equal time there anyways since the dojo was there. thankfully travel was easy with his mystic ability. once home he wasted no time heading to the beach near the castle. he watched as max ran through the water as he always did, a smile gracing leo’s features as he looked out to the sky past shoreline. it was a great view. leo knew how lucky he was to wake up to this view every morning. it was easy for leo to find himself getting lost in this view not lost enough to not notice the arrival of someone but when his daughter snuck up on him leo jumped slightly. it was weird not feeling lorena’s presence. he could always sense her before she was physically before him. it was a feeling he hated. 

“hi dad.” lorena replied, normally she never felt awkward or small in front of her dad but after everything that happened she did. “i didn’t mean to sneak up on you.” she told him before adding. “it was a very ninja thing to do” which got a smile out of leo. 

“hi, princesa, how was your time with uncle donnie?”

“oh, it was great. besides diana being annoying.” which diana wasn’t her cousin had just made her open up in ways she didn’t like to normally. leave it to di to give lorena the harsh truths and make lorena look in the mirror when she didn’t want to. 

“hm, those purples can be something” it was always interesting watching the girls interact with each other because as he told rey it was like seeing his brothers, better versions of course, less traumatized and loved versions. so seeing diana and lorena interacting was always interesting to him because the two did bicker the way he and his twin did. so by annoying, leo could only assume diana was being logical in a way that a blue wouldn’t like. the kind of logical that made them rethink when they always believed they were right. which as much as leo ( and lorena ) didn’t want to admit they weren’t always right.

lorena took a few steps closer to her father until she was standing right beside him. her father smiled down at her and began to sit down in the sand, patting the spot next to him. lorena followed leo’s lead and sat beside him. at that max came barreling towards her, licking the princess’ face as she laughed. he was always excited to see them. once he calmed down, max laid in her lap as a quiet fell over them. it wasn’t exactly tense or awkward but a silence nonetheless as lorena thought about what her uncle donnie, father and diana had told her. “dad, i’m sorry for everything. i shouldn’t have walked away when you didn’t make me leader.” lorena began. the apology took leo by surprise. if anyone needed to apologize here it was leo. had he just been a little more dad than sensei perhaps the entire situation could have been avoided. leo had lived in so many what ifs and could have beens his entire life that he wasn’t going to do that with this. he had made his choices and now he had to deal with the fallout. all he could do is be better as they move forward instead of thinking back on how he could have been better.

“i know, lore. i know but if anyone should be sorry it’s me. i should have been more honest with you from the get go because i was never truly upset with you. i was upset with me.” he feels that familiar wave heaviness rise in his chest. beating in time with the actual ocean that splashed before him. all his life leo had tried not to be like splinter. while their dad did the best he could he also left room for insecurities to fester. leo had tried hard not to do that. he told his kids, all of them, how proud he was of them and how much he loved him. four words leo didn’t hear often but needed to when he was growing up. as he stepped back to look at everything he realized that maybe he was his father’s son a little too much. the lines between sensei and father often blurred much like it had with splinter. 

“clone is just a technical term for how you came to be. matteo is also a test tube baby if we’re talking logistics but how you came to be doesn’t matter and it doesn’t define you because at the end of the day you’re my daughter. i always thought i said it enough but now that i think about it i don’t think i have. i’m so proud of you lorena and everything you’ve accomplished thus far. i know i’m stricter with you than i am your brother and sister but that’s because they have to deal with your father and he’s softer with you because you have to deal with me. it’s not because i favor them over you. you’re just on a different path than they are. the three of your are my greatest accomplishments. when it’s all said and done. when we think about what we leave behind on this earth when our time comes to a close i’m proud to say it’s you three.” gently, leo put a hand on his daughter’s shoulder as he turns to look at her. he can see tears swimming in those big brown eyes of her and knows that he has his own to match. 

“i know that we’ve given you girls mighty reputations to live up to but at the end of the day the four of you are your own people first and foremost. not us. i always wanted you to be more like your father and your uncles because ... well, i’ve never been the biggest fan of who i was.” leo admits with a sad laugh. he can feel his heart twisting and aching as he begins to tear down the walls he had hid behind for so long. “i’ll never tell you the full truth because that’s my burden to bear not my children’s but you deserve to know something as to why i reacted the way i did.”

“i know it’s hard to believe now, but who i was as a kid is a far cry from the ‘master leonardo’ you know now. i spent a lot of my life trying to prove things to myself and your uncles that i didn’t need to. i was reckless, arrogant and careless. i didn’t listen to people because i thought i was right. i put your uncles and myself at risk more times than i want to admit. i carried a lot of guilt and regret because of the things i did and didn’t do. when i stopped making things about me i just entirely stopped caring about me to the point it almost cost me my life. i fought your uncle raph a lot because i didn’t understand him. and i see now that’s what’s happening here. i was never mad at you, lorena. i was mad at a sixteen year old who never took anything seriously, i was mad at a twenty-four year old who was trying to prove to his brothers he couldn’t lead them and i was mad at a thirty-two year old who thought it was okay to leave behind a family who needed him. i wasn’t hard on you because i was mad, i was hard on you because i was scared. it’s scary to be responsible for the lives you protect, your team, your family but we do it anyway because that’s what it means to be a hero. i see flashes of myself and fear that you could make the mistakes i made. the last thing i ever wanted for you was to feel what i’ve felt my whole life. by trying to protect you from this metaphorical pain i ended up pushing you away.” 

“i should have told you when you were younger that you didn’t have to become leader to be me. you not being leader doesn’t make you any less important to the team. you don’t have to follow my path exactly or be exactly like me to make me proud. this is your life, lorena. it’s yours to forge, to make your own mistakes, your own joy and to be your own person, whoever she may be. from now on, it’s all honesty, kid. no more cryptic sayings or shutting you out. i can’t protect you and shelter you forever and i don’t want to. there’s a great big world out there for you and your cousins to see. i trust the four of you. i trust that you’ll return home to me every time you walk out that door. i trust you, lorena. i trust you even when you’re exhibiting a little too much nardo behavior.” 

a silence fell over them once again until leo felt lorena’s tiny body crash into him. the force of it nearly knocked leo over into the sad. lorena might have been small but she was mighty. leo had known that about his daughter all her life. she was a hurricane and she was going to do great things in this lifetime. leo wasted no time wrapping his daughter up in the tightest hug he could muster without crushing her. it was a lot to process but it was exactly what lorena had needed to hear. “i love you, dad” was all lorena said as tears streamed down her face. 

“i love you too, lorena. so, so much.” leo replied, as he kissed the top of his daughter’s head before nuzzling into her the way he always had and the way he always will.

it was in that moment that lorena didn’t feel so cold anymore.

and it was in that moment leo could feel his daughter again.

[juvinile]

XAVIER  HUGHES  tag  dump !!

[faeriium]

OPHELIA  MATTERS  TAG  DUMP  ! 

[diamcndgirl]

˗ˏˋ tag dump ˎˊ˗

under the cut you will find all the tags for penny’s blog. most threads with be tagged with the dash chat tag + a “ft. character name” tag. so it is easier for you to find threads. if you would like a special connection tag please feel free to hit me up. i will be adding to the list as time goes on. 

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「 ❀ 」  » TUNES. ⋮  ━━ ˗ˏˋ 𝖬𝖱𝖲 𝖫𝖨𝖥𝖤𝖲𝖳𝖸𝖫𝖤𝖲 𝖮𝖥 𝖳𝖧𝖤 𝖱𝖨𝖢𝖧 𝖠𝖭𝖣 𝖥𝖠𝖬𝖮𝖴𝖲 ˎˊ˗

「 ❀ 」  » DASH CHATS. ⋮  ━━ ˗ˏˋ 𝖯𝖱𝖨𝖬𝖠𝖣𝖮𝖭𝖭𝖠 𝖦𝖨𝖱𝖫 𝖠𝖫𝖫 𝖨 𝖤𝖵𝖤𝖱 𝖶𝖠𝖭𝖳𝖤𝖣 𝖶𝖠𝖲 𝖳𝖧𝖤 𝖶𝖮𝖱𝖫𝖣 ˎˊ˗

「 ❀ 」  » SELF PARAS. ⋮  ━━ ˗ˏˋ 𝖯𝖱𝖨𝖬𝖠𝖣𝖮𝖭𝖭𝖠 𝖦𝖨𝖱𝖫 𝖠𝖫𝖫 𝖨 𝖤𝖵𝖤𝖱 𝖶𝖠𝖭𝖳𝖤𝖣 𝖶𝖠𝖲 𝖳𝖧𝖤 𝖶𝖮𝖱𝖫𝖣 ˎˊ˗

「 ❀ 」  » PARAS. ⋮  ━━ ˗ˏˋ 𝖯𝖱𝖨𝖬𝖠𝖣𝖮𝖭𝖭𝖠 𝖦𝖨𝖱𝖫 𝖠𝖫𝖫 𝖨 𝖤𝖵𝖤𝖱 𝖶𝖠𝖭𝖳𝖤𝖣 𝖶𝖠𝖲 𝖳𝖧𝖤 𝖶𝖮𝖱𝖫𝖣 ˎˊ˗

「 ❀ 」  » INBOX MEMES. ⋮  ━━ ˗ˏˋ 𝖤𝖷𝖢𝖴𝖲𝖤𝖹-𝖬𝖮𝖨!  ˎˊ˗

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「 ❀ 」  » TASKS. ⋮  ━━ ˗ˏˋ 𝖤𝖷𝖢𝖴𝖲𝖤𝖹-𝖬𝖮𝖨! ˎˊ˗

「 ❀ 」  » EVENTS. ⋮  ━━ ˗ˏˋ 𝖤𝖷𝖢𝖴𝖲𝖤𝖹-𝖬𝖮𝖨! ˎˊ˗

「 ❀ 」  » ISMS. ⋮  ━━ ˗ˏˋ MY HEART IS LIKE A BURNING CANDLE ˎˊ˗

[effervs]

𝐎’  𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐒 ,  𝑻𝑯𝑬  𝑫𝑶𝑮 . 

          FILED  UNDER :   SEVEN  OF  SWORDS  TAG  DUMP .

[mortiium]

francesca  graham  tag  drop .

[kordeliam]

𝖋𝖗𝖔𝖒 𝖔𝖈𝖙𝖆𝖛𝖎𝖆: “it was buried on campus.”

tossing  and  turning  in  interrupted  sleep.  this  was,  regrettably,  the  new  normal.  norah  liked  to  speculate  that  some  of  her  newfound  restlessness  came  from  the  energy  emanating  so  loudly  from  the  room  on  the  other  side  of  her  thin  wall.  the  one  that  didn’t  stay  empty.  not  for  long.  she  was  raised  under  a  catholic  roof  –  and  maybe  that’s  why  her  emotions  are  as  transparent  as  stained glass,  a  sacred  imitation,  reaching  –  and  spirits  were  supposed  to  be  angels,  the  very  presence  of  a  divine  god.  she  repeats  this  like  it  offers  any  comfort,  like  it’s  something  she  still  believes  in.  could  still  believe  in.  she’s  dreaming,  wracking  the  pages  of  scripture  imprinted  on  her  mind  as  clear  as  the  assignment  she’d  been  handed  in  biology  only  hours  before  when  she  sees  octavia.  spectral.  ethereal.   “ norah  bardot.  sweet  flower.  i  NEED  you. ”   she  doesn’t  offer  anything  else,  not  at  first,  as  norah  stares  and  stares  and  stares.  her  mind  desperate  to  make  sense  of  the  vision.  counting  her  fingers,  like  her  father  used  to  instruct  her  to  do  after  a  particularly  terrifying  nightmare.  she  loses  count  once  and  then  twice  and  then  octavia  speaks  again.   “ listen  to  me.  LISTEN.  it was buried on campus. ”   and  her  voice  is  so  clear  it  cuts  past  the  fog  of  sleep  and  norah  shoots  up,  her  breath  caught  somewhere  in  her  throat.  “ what is? ”  she  asks  first,  demanding,  with  all  of  the  irritation  of  being  awoken  far  too  early  by  lysander  with  questions  about  a  class  that  could  wait.  sleep  rubbed  from  her  eyes,  sleep  forgotten  and  yet  still  calling  to  her.  “ you? ”  like  it’s  normal  to  respond  to  a  hallucination,  a  dream,  and  if  she  wasn’t  so  tired,  so  distraught,  she  would  have  thought  far  more  rationally  –  all  logic and  reason.  knowledge  that  bites,  tampers  doubt.  “ octavia. ”  and  the  word  is  a  whisper,  lest  someone  overhear,  report  her  as  unwell,  unfit  to  return  to  class.  mad  with  grief,  whispered  worry  she  overhears  when  others  bring  up  theresa.   “ you  know,  bug.  please  help  me. ”   a  name  she  hadn’t  heard  since  their  last  interaction,  a  nickname  unique  and  packed  with  painful  memories.  she’s  stifling  tears  when  she  finally  falls  back  into  a  sleep  full  of  knives  and  guns  and  lead pipes.  of  course  she  knows,  even  when  she  doesn’t.  she  always  knows. 

[cfscngbirds]

tag dump 

[vaskihwan-blog]

questioning part i.

( as submitted by the main )

   when kihwan walks into the building that day, he has no idea about what's waiting for him. the building is very familiar to him after all, almost a decade of having entered and left that building day and night, it's part of his routine. most of the faces that are seated around are utterly familiar as well, save for some interns running from one place to another. it's such a familiar sight that kihwan has no reason to doubt any kind of change, but everything takes a turn the moment he swipes his card and enters the section designated for employees only. a couple of police officers who had been sitting down make their way towards him, people he knows, people who have worked under him before — kihwan still has no idea it's about him, so he simply raises an eyebrow, meaning to ask what is going on that makes them stare at their chief like that.

   apparently — they do have a reason to surround them at such an early time in the day. it takes a few minutes more for kihwan to realize that this is the behavior they showcase to suspects; and he only realizes why exactly when they begin to speak. even though they don't put him in cuffs ( maybe they don't dare to, not when he hasn't been convicted yet ), the implications are clear, their voices strict, though their eyes hold something different. some of them seem to be apprehensive about pulling him in for questioning, a few seem disappointed, and kihwan would even bet on it that some of them are happy to see their mighty chief humiliated like this. in response, of course, kihwan is affronted, teeth gritted at this nonsense. the reality ebbs in slowly, but when it does, he doesn't hesitate to show how surprised he is — and offended at the same time.

   now, at that, some of the younger officers almost cower in fear, but the senior officers pull him into an interrogation room. kihwan doesn't fight back, at least not physically. he has been on the other side of this equation before, and fighting back is usually seen as a sign that the person is guilty, and simply trying to deflect their crimes. so, he walks with them, though he can't help the glare as he sits down on the opposite side of the desk, yet another familiar face staring at him.

   "this better be a joke —" he lets out, arms folded in front of him, holding back a sigh. it's so — stupid. what the hell do they think they are doing, once this is all over, kihwan makes a note to show them less mercy when it comes to work. he knows they are all given orders, but the smug undertone in their faces are more than enough to infuriate him. if it were anyone but him sitting there, wrongly blamed, they would possibly be freaking out quite visibly, but kihwan knows the signs of a guilty suspect, knows the red flags, has it all written down. this is not his first interrogation, and even though he is on the wrong side of the table, he knows what to do.

   as aspected, the voice doesn't answer his question but tells him that they will begin questioning, and that's the only warning he gets before the voice speaks again. "where have you been the night of the 26th of february?"

a huff of breath leaves his mouth at that, he knows what this is about, and the more ironic part is that kihwan himself has been looking into this file only a few days ago. however, he pointedly doesn't mention that fact but decides to answer the question instead. it takes a bit of thinking, but it isn't a difficult one either. "i was at my girlfriend's house. ahn ahreum. we had dinner earlier in the evening, had a few drinks and went to her place. i was there until the afternoon of the 27th." he speaks with conviction of a man telling the truth. kihwan has nothing to hide — well, when it comes to the murder of go jeon, that is. when it comes to the side of nightbane, he has done his best to make sure no one suspects the chief's motives.

   the second question isn't particularly surprising either, and after the face in front of him has taken some notes, they move on to ask his relations to the victim. "did you know go jeon or anyone close to him?"

    kihwan shakes his head easily, doing his best not to show his hatred for the vampire. as it stands, he is being interrogated for his murder, so he knows swearing at him won't do any good.  "i didn't know him personally, no. but i did know of him. as a police officer who has been working for nine years, it's impossible not to know the noctis clan. or the crimes they commit." he pauses for a second, and shakes his head at the second question as well. "i don't know anyone close to him either, he wasn't a man i wanted to be acquainted with. i wouldn't want to be acquaintances with any of his friends. i don't condone what they do." he doesn't go into details, but it shouldn't be too difficult to pick up either.

     then the person in front of him takes more notes, shuffles the papers in front of them before asking another question, the expression on their face showing conviction that kihwan despises. “what did you do at the noctis’ headquarters? why were you there?”

  the third question, however, is the one that gets a visible reaction out of him — one that of shock and surprise. where the hell are they pulling this information from; he has never been there to begin with, doesn't even know where it is, even though he had tried to find it many times in the past. so, unable to hide his surprise, he speaks again. "i have no idea what you are talking about — i have never been there. i don't know where it is either — it's not in any database i have ever reached." he points out, nervousness begins to sweep into his mind, but he pushes it away, and regains his calm composure. “i was with my girlfriend that night — i don’t know what you are talking about.”

[stars-in-sansby]

Tag Dump

* . 　 ✦ . ˚  ˗ˏˋ Self Paras ˎˊ˗ when your worst days are in your rear view

.✰* — ˗ˏˋ Musings ˎˊ˗ listen they call me genius I run the show

✧ * º • –– ˗ˏˋ Music ˎˊ˗ we created a sound

. ✧ . * . ˚  ˗ˏˋ Visage ˎˊ˗ I get hit and I might start bleeding

[coarseandunrefined]

            the  very  last  thing  he  remembers?  staring  up  into  belle’s  face,  forgetting  entirely  the  bullet  that  had  only  seconds  ago  embedded  itself  into  his  back.  his  happiness  at  seeing  her  return  had  trumped  the  spectre  of  death  that  hovered  above  him,  waiting  to  snatch  his  soul  as  he  lay  there.  beast  had  only  eyes  for  her,  even  as  the  light  began  to  leave  them.  he  knew  he  was  dying.  he  walked  into  it  with  acceptance.

            there  had  been  a  moment  of  sheer  nothingness.  no  sensation,  no  awareness.  then,  suddenly,  light.  voices  through  an  endless  tunnel,  wind  rushing  to  fill  a  void.  it was  like...  a  rebirth.  

           ——— beast  wakes  to  a  completely  different  world,  new  &&  altogether  alarming.  he  finds  that  he’s  lying  sprawled  in  some  alleyway  -  it’s  dark,  &&  when  he  looks  above  he  sees  stars  twinkling  in  the  distance.   it's  almost  as  if  they  are  laughing  in  mockery  at  his  confusion.  with  great  effort,  he  stands,  keeping  one  paw  on  the  wall  beside  him  to  keep  himself  steady. 

            no,  not  a  paw.  a  hand.  he  stares  at  the  appendage,  decidedly  human,  then  looks  at  the  other.  no  fur.  no  claws. 

            heart  racing,  beast  searches  for  the  nearest  reflective  surface,  finds  it  attached  to  some  curious,  hulking  thing  (  if  he  had  to  guess,  he’d  say  it  was  a  vehicle  of  some  kind  ).  &&  he  stares.  in  the  mirror,  a  disheveled  blond  man  stares  back,  wonder  written  all  over  his  face.  he’s  human  again.

            &&  he  has  no  idea  where  he  is.