#|hallowv| 2018|

[greencapitation-blog]

// @finncomet​ has made the mistake of encountering the Headless Horseman!//

So far, uncle G’s plan had been going off without a hitch. Green Knight had been spending the past few hours or so galloping across one of the forests of Ooo, scaring off any candy person or otherwise known threat that got too close to the heap of metal, which was currently being transferred to Gumbaldia. Essentially, he was a distraction. He knew that, uncle Gumbald knew that, everyone he worked for knew that. But whoever was running around those forests? They didn’t know jack. To them, he was a terrifying knight, head replaced by a pumpkin with a snarling face carved into it, riding around on the back of robotic horse while waving a battleaxe at whoever dared venture in this area at night.  Everything had been going well for him. That is, until he spotted Finn through the trees. He assumed someone must have asked Finn to check out what all the ruckus was about. Since he was their hero and all. He was having none of that. Glaring at Finn’s direction for a moment, he realized that he had not been spotted yet. So Green Knight hopped off the horse, and stalked over to Finn, remaining behind him to keep the slightest element of surprise. Green Knight wanted to kill him, but it would be pointless to just chop him up and end it before he could even see the expression on Finn’s face. Come on, turn around. He thought, practically looming over Finn as he waited for the hero to take notice of the glow emanating from above him. 

[greencapitation-blog]

its actally rly hard 2 type when you have a pmpkin for a hed

[greencapitation-blog]

headless knight when its dark out: glowy! spooky! terrifying headless grass monster that’s out to kill you! headless knight in any proper lighting:

[greencapitation-blog]

It had all started on a recent mission for Gumbaldia.

Green Knight had been dutifully escorting and protecting uncle Gumbald on their path to a man who had advertised himself as the kind to sell large quantities of metals, the kind that could hopefully be used to build something of the giant likes of a battle automaton.

“We will do unto her, as she has never done unto us! Because she never had the ambition!” Gumbald lectured, clenching a fist raised to his chest at the thought of triumph.

…Green Knight had had not made peace with the thoughts of killing PB.  For once in a long time, he actually had some doubts about killing someone. However,  he chose to suppress those doubts under the knowledge that he now had other people in his life, people that cared about him, unlike PB, or Jake, or anyone else in Ooo.  So if uncle G hated her and wanted her dead, he wasn’t going to be voicing any objections. 

In fact, he wasn’t going to voice anything at all. Instead, he let Gumbald continue his megalomaniacal rant as they approached a large heap of metals in the middle of the grasslands.

 In front of the pile was a small kiosk, with a sign made of (obviously) metal, with he words “Montheloos’ metal empire” rusted into it.

Gumbald had ceased with his ranting, and Green Knight felt a tug on the side of his left arm. He looked down at Gumbald, helmet expressionless.

“Now, for the second part of our genius plan.” Gumbald beckoned Green Knight to lean over so he could whisper those sweet somethings into his non-existent ear.

“You let me do all the talking. When I give the word, you kill him. We cannot have anyone know of my future plans until they are set into motion.” Uncle G explained.

Green Knight nodded once with almost too much enthusiasm.

And just as the plan had been brought into light, a clang of metal could be heard; the source of the sound was none other than a disgruntled looking wizard appearing. He was clad in clothes that were obviously composed of cheap metal scraps, complete with a scrappy wizard hat and a rusty bowtie made out of the top of some cans. Plus a terrible moustache and goatie to complete the look.

….Green Knight didn’t know what he was expecting. Wizards always had stupid senses of fashion. But this guy was even worse than usual. Montheloos looked like he had a serious case of businessman.

While he remained still as a disconcerting statue, Green Knight was silently judging this wizard so hard. 

“Hey hey hey! I heard you were the rising monarch that wanted in on the montheloos’ metal deals!” The wizard cheerfully jabbered, climbing over the stall to be face to face with his buyers.

“Yes,” Gumbald’s voice had clear distain in it. “I have come to obtain your highest grade of metals. It’s for my….Important family business.”

Family business was an understatement, and the scrappy wizard most likely knew that.“Sounds fine to me! So, what’re you really interested in?  Remember-You’re not getting any discounts! Ask for one of those, and I’d probably have to kill you and usurp your kingdom!” The wizard joked, jabbing a finger at Gumbald. 

Gumbald took a step back, and Green Knight stepped forward in his defense.

“Heyyy, who’s this guy? I thought I told you, no body guards, no families, no hot ladies! You’re breaching some serious customer security levels right now.” The wizard growled, conjuring up a spinning razor blade with a great deal of effort.  Green Knight raised his sword arm in response, ready to chop those hands right off the wizard if he had to.

The wizard looked up at the sword, and gasped, offended.  “If you don’t wanna make any deals, you can just get your gummy butt out of here!”

“No no no, this is all a..Misunderstanding! This, this man isn’t my body guard! We just so happen to be...Friends, that’s all.” Gumbald raised both hands, trying to act like a force of calm despite his malicious intentions. He looked up at Green knight-and scolded him. “Fern, put your weapon down.” At Gumbald’s command, Green Knight lowered his arm, looking pretty disheartened. He specifically remembered uncle G saying they were going to kill this guy and steal his loot. What happened to that?

“Well ah, okay. If it’s just some big misunderstanding.” Straightening his terrible bowtie, the wizard tightly closed his eyes for a moment, and made the blades evaporate. 

“But I still got my eyes on you, Mr-silent-rowdy-green-man.” This was the second time in his existence that Green Knight had been called a “mister” of something. He silently wondered if that had anything to do with how tall he was now.

“Oh, don’t you worry about him.” Now Gumbald was blatantly lying through his teeth.

“Nah, nah, I’m not, I got special magic against the likes of him if he tries anything funny,” The wizard paused, looking to his side. “Oh, hey, you interested in buying any pumpkins? They’re not like, metal stuff, but a wizards gotta have other thing to do their magics on. I’ve been working on this farm for awhile, trying to get it off the ground..” With his back turned, the wizard walked away from his stall and bent down over one of the pumpkins strewn across the ground, lightly stroking it. Green Knight continued to stare at the man, an unseen expression of distaste upon his face. The wizard was getting just a little too handsy with some vegetables, in his opinion.

Gumbald however, seemed to have no problem with it. He had been waiting for the perfect moment to set his knight after the wizard.

“Now! Sneak attack!”

Finally!

At Gumbald’s cue, Green Knight rushed over to the wizard, bringing down his sword on to the wizards head-Oh no wait that was a pumpkin.

The wizard had jumped over the pumpkin, and held it up as fodder as he tore off his own metal bowtie, chucking it at the Green Knight.

“Hah! High velocity bowtie!”

Green Knight took a step back, regaining his balance after slicing through the pumpkin with ease and hitting thin air. The wizard’s attack had grazed off one of the spikes on his shoulder, causing Green Knight to wince, looking at where the bowtie had sliced him.  In that time, the wizard had taken off his hat, and tapped it with his hand before flinging it at Green Knight. This time, the knight had dodged the attack, and the hat sailed past him, flying off into the distance.

“Nice going.” Green Knight mocked him, closing in on the wizard.  Before the other had the opportunity to attack, the knight’s sword had cross sectioned them. The wizard’s remains had turned into two halves of a safe, probably through last second transfiguration to save himself. Green Knight was satisfied to know that he managed to beat a wizard to the punch.

“Excellent job. Now go grab some metal before we get out of here.”

Green Knight smiled behind his mask, now doubly satisfied with the approval of uncle Gumbald.

If Green Knight had been any faster, he would have dodged the wizard’s hat, which had returned like some sort of tacky boomerang, slicing clean through Green Knight’s neck in its course back to its now-dead-owner.

Reflexively, Green Knight raised both of his hands to where his head had been a moment ago, feeling the air. He knew he could just put the head back on, and he would be fine. But the sudden and unsolicited decapitation had him shocked for a moment.

Being in front of uncle Gumbald, Green knight tried to recover quickly, and stepped forward to get his head back. As obviously uncle G had no plans on doing so for him, the man was off to the side, attempting at tugging a large sheet of metal from the pile.

Green knight reached for his head, when a spark flew off the hat, the head, which was just an extension of him, gasped. The spark had landed, and it had ignited Green Knight’s head. He recoiled in both pain and fear. He could still see everything from the perspective of his head, and felt as the flames ravaged through it. If his face wasn’t currently being on fire, he would have screamed in pain.

Green Knight bent down with heavy effort, and forced himself to try and pat out the fire, but when he touched the flames, his hand had began to burn too. Quickly, he pulled his hand away from the fire, waving the flames off.

The last thing he needed was all of him to burn. But the whole situation seemed hopeless now. There was no way his head would be recovering, he felt it slowly becoming ashes.

That’s when uncle Gumbald had finally looked towards Green Knight. Perhaps he had smelled the burning grass. Or the cry of pain from his supposed champion. Whatever the reason, uncle Gumbald had abandoned the pile of metal for the time being. He strode over to the fire, and stamped it out with his boot. Another action the Green Knight had physically felt, though it was hardly as bad as the sensation of his face being burnt.

“What were you thinking?” uncle Gumbald raised both hands in the air, heavily disappointed in Green Knight for failing to stop the late wizard’s final attack. “You wasted precious time on what, being in pain? Where is your head, boy?”

But Green Knight could not see uncle Gumbald’s expression, and could only vaguely hear what was being said. Green Knight felt like an apology was due. Not that he could say anything. Instead he pointed at the ash and grass beneath uncle Gumbald’s boot.

“We have plans to carry out, I don’t have time to grow you a new head, you know. That could take weeks! And I need you now.”

Clenching his fist in shame, Green Knight could not help but feel an incredibly amount of guilt in the face of the situation. Uncle Gumbald was right, he had all the opportunities to move, but he didn’t! He thought he was better than this now! But no matter what, he was always finding a way to mess everything up! The failure to have stopped himself from losing overshadowed his utter victory against the wizard. It was all he could focus on now. If he still had a head, which he did not, Green Knight would have been staring at the ground, avoiding eye contact.

Meanwhile, uncle Gumbald had walked off from the Green Knight.  He had taken notice of the many pumpkins around the field. It had given him an idea.

Uncle Gumbald picked up a particularly round pumpkin, holding it close to his own face.

“Hmm.” If the Green Knight was plant matter, and so were these, it would only take a small amount of genetic manipulation to use one as a sort of portable chamber that could hasten the process of healing. It would take no effort on his behalf, and while he wanted to, now was not the right time to ditch the Green Knight. He was still a useful asset in the upcoming war.

With a malicious grin on his face and a pumpkin in hand, Gumbald returned to his weakened warrior. 

“Pick up your remains. I have an idea.”