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alastorss · 4 months ago

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⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

Alastor does not have a heart.

You think that most Sinners do. A form of punishment by the divine—to suffer every squeeze of pain and loneliness; to have that wretched thing in your chest just to feel human when you are far from.

Sinners deserved to have a heart more than the winners, if only to bring the ache that comes with it.

But Alastor, he has no heart.

You’ve been told that the place where he should ache and hurt the most is missing. Incinerated before he ever materialized in Hell. Lost to fire.

He was a heinous monster when alive—most think he didn’t even have one when he was human.

He didn’t know the feeling of it plummeting from your chest to the pit of your stomach, or the way it could get caught in your throat. He was a demon through and through. He would never understand what it meant to be human.

You believed it despite wanting to see the best in him.

Alastor was your friend. One of your first after manifesting in Hell. You’d like to think that he trusted you a little more than the others in his life—that you were as special to him as he was to you.

However, you could never look past the ways he took care of his shady business. How he drenched himself in blood as if it were the only cure for his everlasting boredom. You especially could not stomach the way he dismissed his other supposed “friends”.

He kept you around, but for how much longer? You would never know.

Still, you allowed yourself to be strung along by his enchanting personality. You loved him the way the moon loves the sea—yearning, wanting. But he is beaming in the sky and you are at the bottom of the ocean.

You would never know what it was like to own souls, or drink whiskey until it burned, or smile forever. The same way he would never know a heart.

That was the wall you wordlessly put up between you and him.

And he never mentioned it, never wondered why you would stand a foot away when usually you were all over your friends. You suppose that he didn’t have the same ache in his chest.

Alastor is heartless. That much, you thought you knew.

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

Jealousy is a petty, ugly emotion.

To think that he even has the capacity to feel it makes Alastor’s skin crawl. He thought that he had abandoned such worthless feelings long ago.

Yet here he is, watching with envy bubbling in his stomach while you drape your arms around Angel’s neck, laughing at some horribly obscene joke he cracked. You were always like this—hands never to yourself when you wanted to show your love for others.

But for him, you were reserved—hands behind your back, standing an arms length away whenever you chatted.

At first he appreciated how hands-off you were when everyone else was usually so touchy. He never had to worry that you were going to be breathing down his neck or irritating him while he tried to read his morning paper.

Now, though, it irks him.

Not only because you and him have become quite close, sharing late night conversations and admiring the dark, red sky of Hell together on more than one occasion. That alone would have been enough to allow you the special privilege of clinging to him. But he’s also grown a soft spot for you—embarrassingly soft, and now he’s stuck pouting like an toddler not getting what he wants.

Attention. Attention that says you care about him the way you do everyone else.

Alastor knows his first course of action should not be confrontation. That he shouldn't be cornering you with such a pouty, dramatic expression on his face like a child who just got told to put the toy back on the shelf.

But he can't help it when it comes to you. All inhibition is thrown to the wind.

"You're avoiding me," he accuses, static buzzing in his throat.

You raise a brow, back pressed to the bookshelf behind you. "I'm not," you tell him for what must be the fifth time.

"You are!" He narrows his eyes.

"I don't know what you're talking about," you press, slightly irritated by his sudden attack. What is he going on about?

You think back, wondering if you'd been unintentionally ignoring the demon in any way. It's been business as usual, as far as you can remember.

"Are you really this oblivious?" He tilts his head, ears flopping to the side. "You are unbelievable, cher."

You squeak in surprise when he gathers your hand into his, soft skin raked gently by his claws. He's careful not to hurt you as he maneuvers you around.

He presses your palm firm to his chest where his heart should be. And instead of the hollow emptiness you expect, you find the chorus of his heartbeat.

It sings slow and steady, pulsing faintly beneath the pads of your fingers. You don't even realize that you've been holding your breath, as if just that minute action would cause him to draw away.

Alastor's fingers curl a little tighter around your palm and you finally suck in a sharp breath of air. A small smile settles on your face, cheeks growing warm from the contact.

"It... It's—"

"A heartbeat," he tells you, reaching down to pull your other hand to his throat. You feel the rhythm at his pulse point, the tandem beats filling you with ease.

All this time you had believed that Alastor was heartless. That he did not have the capacity to hold other people dear.

You blink at him, dumbfounded. When did he open up his heart to you?

He sighs indignantly, leaning down toward you with a strange look on his face. As he does, the pace beneath your fingers increases, pounding faster than your own.

Alastor stays there for a moment, staring at you stubbornly with his smile curled into something more exasperated. You can't decipher what kind of conflict is dripping from every part of his expression, instead too focused on trying to keep your breath.

The drumming beat coursing from his body through yours rips away from you, leaving your hands dangling in the air. He brushes off his coat, unable to meet your eyes anymore.

"Do you understand now?"

You're not entirely sure you do—if you ever can, but you nod anyway.

He coughs, his usual demeanour quickly slipping into something unprecedented. Is he... flustered?

"Very good," he says, more to himself than to you. You don't miss the way his ears flatten above his head. "Then I expect the same treatment as everybody else."

You pull your hands back to yourself as he stalks off, muttering to himself.

They're impossibly warm.

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tokyo-debunker-idk · 5 months ago

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Crushed | 03

Summary: He's tried to convince Leo that you're a cool person, to which the former just scoffs and accuses Sho of having a crush. Honestly, the reaction is obnoxious – people of the opposite sex are perfectly able to have platonic friendships. Just because Sho's taken to bringing an extra lunch for you on training days so you can eat together after, and he enjoys spending time with you, and you're pretty and smell good even after an hour of sparring, doesn't mean he has a crush.

Pairing: Haizono Sho x Reader x Kurosagi Leo

Genre: Humor, romantic comedy, slowish burn, no real plot, Leo bullying

18+, minors DNI

~~~~~

"Besides, what are a few nobodies compared to the shit you've been dealing with anyway? You can handle it."

You finally realize what's been bothering you since you confronted Leo at the Vagastrom dorms (outside of the usual annoyance of Leo's general existence).

His response, despite his condescending tone… had been worded suspiciously like a compliment. Which, since it's Leo, means it probably wasn't.

"YoU cAn hAndLe iT," you mutter quietly to yourself, imitating the TikTok asshole's haughty tone. "Fuck off."

It makes you even more annoyed about the stupid sympathy that flared up when Leo mentioned death threats. He doesn't deserve your consideration, but your empathetic ass doesn't care about logical little details like that.

Sure, you've seen horrible comments and exchanges online in fan wars, but it's always been as a spectator. Receiving such disturbing messages personally, ranging from unhinged fans who call you ugly (whatever) to those that wish vile things upon you (less whatever) to others that send inappropriate pictures you wish you could unsee (your eyes, your poor non-quite-virgin eyes)… it's affected you much more than you would have expected.

For you it's mostly a weird blip in your life, and you can just deactivate an account you rarely used in the first place. Since you're stuck at Darkwick, it's not like your social life in the "real" world is exactly popping off, anyway. Despite logically knowing that nothing will happen to you, that the vitriol is being spewed by complete strangers who don't know you at all, you still feel shaken at the reminder that regular humans can be even worse than many of the anomalies you've experienced.

Even the sparse comments about you being cute together (which are repulsive in their own way, for obvious reasons) feel weird and invasive, as if you're their friend. It's like they think they know you, and that their opinion matters enough for you to hear it.

Leo deals with all of that constantly? Sure, he basically signed up for it and is apparently completely fine, but it still just… doesn't feel right.

Yeah, you dislike him, but he's not exactly evil. He's a douche who cares more about himself than anyone else, which is not a rare trait in the world. He just also happens to have brains and guts, without the morals that would keep him from using those around him.

So, a shitty guy, but not the absolute worst. At least, not evil enough for the insane hostility you received firsthand.

Then again, he's gotten those types of messages and was more than willing to put you in the line of fire. So maybe he is a little evil.

Why did he even post you to his TikTok as his girlfriend, anyway? For all his apparent dismissiveness of your capabilities, the guy is definitely way too vain to choose any random passerby, even if he later reveals it to be a joke. In its own fucked up little way, it's almost a compliment that he seems to think you're objectively attractive enough to be a believable partner to his audience.

Not that you're flattered.

Well… a small, petty part of you kind of is, because while Leo acts like a steaming pile of garbage, he's a steaming pile of garbage with taste.

Huh, then maybe he did actually mean what he said about you being able to handle it?

Nah, that can't be right.

Whatever. You have more important things to worry about than a toxic, twink-shaped gremlin. Like your new assignment with the Jabberwock ghouls. That should be your current number-one priority. You should probably go over the investigation notes right now, actually.

SHOulders: Hey Y/N, u free?

You're a strong independent woman who can prioritize important, life-altering tasks over silly crushes. You are, you can resist–

You: Yeah! What's up?

~~~~~

"So? What do you think of the sign?"

"It's amazing! It's even more impressive than it was in the photo."

Sho grins at your compliments, though he tries not to show just how pleased he is about your heartfelt praise.

"Didn't I say flattery'll get you nowhere?"

He's lying, of course. Flattery from you is always welcome, because he can tell you mean it. It's also why he's asked you to look at his menu and signboard before officializing the food truck – you'll give him your honest thoughts. Leo would have opinions on things that are trending, but Sho doesn't really want to rely on gimmicks. For all his irritation with the restrictions at Darkwick (and having to deal with his annoying ass brother), this food truck is something he's actually excited about.

Sho doesn't tend to take most things seriously… he's naturally intelligent and athletic, so he's never really had to try hard to get by. Not wanting anything badly means he'll never be disappointed if something doesn't pan out. Besides, Leo's the type of best friend to make fun of any endeavor or interest he doesn't deem worthy.

But you're different.

You work so hard every day to make up for the qualities you believe you lack, from struggling through workouts to staying up late to catch up on the classwork you miss due to being sent on missions. Maybe once he would have scoffed at your efforts, but instead, it gives him the courage to try something new.

It's safe to show you how much the food truck actually means to him. You're the one who constantly raves about his food, whose encouragement and support has helped his tiny idea grow into an actual dream. He trusts you.

"Do you have a date?"

Huh? A date for what? Why do you want to know about his love life? Or is this your way of asking him to –

You hand back the menu you were looking at, and Sho realizes you mean for his food truck opening.

Right. Thank goodness, because you guys have a good friendship that does not need to be complicated by anything like that.

"By next week, I guess? So long as no one gets in my way."

"I'm really looking forward to it!"

Yeah, the sensation in his chest is most definitely relief, not disappointment.

~~~~~

"What are you doing here?"

"Hello to you too, Kurokawa," you reply drily as you put down your heavy bag, unsurprised by Leo's unwelcoming greeting. He's lounging on a couch in the common area, and you suppress an internal sigh.

It's not surprising to run into him at the Vagastrom dorm, but you had hoped he was out turning princes into frogs, forcing poor parents to exchange their firstborn for vegetables, or whatever it is he does for fun.

"It's Kurosagi."

You ignore his correction, because you know it pisses him off.

You sometimes wonder why Sho bothers with Leo when you've never seen Leo do anything nice for his so-called best friend, but it's not your place to judge. You're mature enough to understand that there's a history there you're not aware of, and that you've only known them for a very short period of time.

"Maybe I'm here to see my darling influencer boyfriend," you say sarcastically, giving him the fakest smile you can manage as you plop down next to him. You know he doesn't like you, so it's another easy way to annoy him (if at your own expense). "How could I go a day without seeing that pretty face?"

You're mature enough to understand. That doesn't mean you're mature enough to not hate it. If you can't avoid Leo, you're going to do your best to be as annoying as possible when you do have to interact with him.

"Ugh, don't sit so close," Leo grumbles, despite not making a single move to move away like the lazy little princess he is. He does smell nice though, probably some trendy cologne that he uses to cover up the stench of his rotten personality. "Have you even showered today?"

Wow. You know you smell nice because you did, in fact, shower today. Right before coming here, to be exact, because despite Sho's knowledge of your sweaty form after training sessions, you want his memories to be of you fresh and perfumed.

There is really no need for Leo to be so fucking rude all the fucking time. Especially when you've done nothing to deserve it but apparently have the audacity to exist in his presence. If anything, you've been downright charitable in never bringing up "the incident" at the Pit. Though if you're being honest, it's also something you don't want to remember, because the knowledge that you willingly ground up against his dick – even if it was out of spite – is too embarrassing to think about.

Sure, he's pretty, but you have your standards.

Why are you even thinking about this right now? Clearly you have been spending way too much time either studying, doing odd jobs for the ghouls, and daydreaming about Sho if you're even thinking of Leo in any sexual-adjacent light. You don't even really want to think about him at all.

You know that being ignored is one of the things that bothers him most of all (an attention-seeking diva, truly), so you grab a textbook out of your bag and begin to read.

~~~~~

Leo knows he's an asshole.

He's perfectly fine with it. Sometimes, it even sparks joy.

Such as now, when you're scowling at him in a way that makes him want to antagonize you even further. You're always so nice and friendly to everyone that it's satisfying to be the one to elicit a different reaction out of you. It's a matter of pride that he's the only one that can make you lose your temper.

Besides, it's not his fault you look so cute when you're pissed off.

Leo freezes when he realizes what just crossed his mind, but before he can figure out exactly where that ridiculous thought came from, you're pulling a textbook out of your bag.

… Are you seriously about to study while sitting so close to Leo he can smell your flowery shampoo?

"Can I help you, Kurohagi?"

His eyebrow twitches, and he realizes he's been staring at you. And that you fucked up his last name, again.

"You're getting very comfortable, aren't you?" he replies in a scornfully, wondering why exactly you're even visiting when Leo's the only one here.

Unless… you came to see him. Maybe you're just playing it off as if you weren't, to save face. Why else would you even sit so close to him, anyway?

"I'm just waiting for Sho to get back, he said he'd be here soon," you reply with a shrug that annoys Leo for reasons he can't explain. Your answer makes far more sense, and yet that just pisses him off even more. So he does what he does best.

"It's cute how you're being such a good little gofer for Sho," he says mildly, pretending not to care one way or the other. "He's always been good at getting people to do things for him."

You stiffen, and uncertainty flits across your face before you straighten your expression. Though you're obviously trying to hide it, the way you shift away from him reveals that he hit a nerve.

It was exactly what he was going for, but the usual satisfaction feels hollow, as if the words have left a bitter aftertaste in his mouth. You don't snap back with your usual fire the way he expected. Instead you just look back at your book, and the sour feeling magnifies.

An oppressive silence blankets the two of you while unfamiliar pressure weighs down his chest, and Leo is almost relieved when the tell-tale sound of a rumbling engine signals Sho's arrival.

His friend's face brightens instantly when his eyes land on you, which irritates Leo in a way he can't explain. You smile back, though it's more subdued than usual.

"I brought the rest of the stuff from the diner," you call out, and the way Sho jogs to greet you seems to restore some of the sparkle in your eyes. It does not alleviate some of the heaviness Leo is feeling.

"Awesome, thanks," Sho replies with a grin. "You know you didn't have to, right?"

"Yeah, but I wanted to."

Barf. Are you guys fucking serious? It's nauseating, the way Sho is smiling at you like a lovesick puppy. Does he have no pride at all?

"Oh, Leo," Sho calls. Great, he's finally been noticed.

"What?" Leo replies a little petulantly, crossing his arms. Everything about this situation is pissing him off, and he doesn't even understand why.

"Stop pouting and help me out, I was able to pick up some liquor when I went on my grocery run."

"Ugh, fine," he grumbles, mollified by the promise of a night of drinking. It's sadly the closest they can get to clubbing when Darkwick watches their every move.

Leo stands to help grab some of Sho's bags and notices that you're hanging back with an uncertain look on your face. Are you stupid enough to actually take Leo's words to heart when it's obvious you have his best friend wrapped around your pretty little finger?

"Are you coming or not?" he asks testily, shoving a few bags in your direction. "We're not sharing if you don't help."

Your eyes widen at the implied invitation, and even Sho makes a sound of surprise.

"I… uh… yeah," you stammer, hurrying up from the couch to take the bag Leo is holding out. "Thanks?"

You still look and sound confused, but the smile you give him is genuine. It's the first time he's been on the receiving end of that particular expression of yours, and sunlight eases the uncomfortable feeling in his chest. It's similarly disconcerting, and Leo has no idea what to make of it.

"Whatever, just hurry up."

~~~~~

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#tokyo debunker #tokyo debunker fanfic #tdbk #haizono sho #tokyo debunker fanfiction #leo kurosagi #kurosagi leo #sho haizono #sho x reader #leo x reader

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alwayssassydreamer · 1 month ago

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Wounds of War, Secrets of Life

Day 21 of Kikitober

A/N: I'm gonna be completely honest with you but I think this story might just suck. I don't know what got into me writing this. It's really just a silly (stupid?) story - you've been warned. Oh and sorry for the horrible title my head wouldn't give me any better

Plot: you're part of the red hair pirates and beckmanns lover, when you encounter the kid pirates things get a little chaotic.

Warnings: can't think of any, swearing, threats, pregnancy reveal

Characters: Kid x F!Reader x Killer (Shanks and Beckmann mentioned)

You were stuck in this town after Shanks asked you for a favor. You had to deal with some minor pirates in his place because they were busy with something else - if you had payed better attention you would know what this "something" was but your eyes and thoughts were more focused on the first mate - the man you share your bed with.

Shanks knows your ways of bargaining without spilling blood that's why he asked you to go. Beckmann wasn't happy about it till you reassured him that, this was just a simple task nothing serious.

These were only some minor pirates he shouldn't be too worried about you. Besides one of Shanks' subordinate crew awaited you there and you always knew how to get under a men's skin and have them wrapped around your finger.

The meeting with the pirate crew went surprisingly well and afterwards the captain of the subordinates took you to a doctor. You had asked him if he knew someone who could check on you without immediately telling Beckmann about your condition.

You were about to leave the town when you saw another pirate crew. The red hair and the metallic arm sent a shiver down your spine - eustass captain kid and his crew were approaching you and Shanks' subordinates. The subordinates didn't have the strength to put up a fight with them and you certainly couldn't fight them on your own so you decided to pretend to be a normal person who's living in this town.

"This territory belongs to the red hair pirates" the captain of the subordinates shouted. Oh god how you wanted to slap him for that. Why did he have to bring that up? How can one person be that stupid. Now a fight will be unavoidable.

Kid smirked evilly. "Is that so" he asked tauntingly.

"Yes, we are his subordinates and we will not have you here"

"Oh you don't want us here, well that's a problem because we ain't gonna leave" Kid said smugly.

"Then we'll make you" the subordinate shouted angrily pulling out his sword while you looked at him eyes wide open.

The fuck is wrong with him. Is he stupid or what. Why did he want to fight that badly. If he wanted to die then that's fine but why drag you into this.

"Then get ready to die" Kid growled as the subordinates attacked.

Fuck you Shanks you cursed, mad at him for asking you to come here and then you got mad at yourself for letting him talk you into this.

You drew your own sword - crossing blades with a few kid pirates. You were able to fend them off but the others weren't as lucky. You were constantly torn between defending yourself and 'your' crew.

"Oi Killer" kid shouted as he easily defeated a subordinate. "The girl" he continued motioning at you. Killer nodded knowing what he had to do.

Suddenly two scythes were attacking you. Killer was fast - too fast. Dodging his attacks was harder than you hoped.

You let out a painful whimper as the scythes made contact with the skin on your shoulder and your arm. Though the cuts weren't too deep blood was dripping out of your wounds.

"Fuck" you cursed taking a moment to collect yourself when he attacked again. You clumsily dodged the attack in the last moment.

That's when 3 subordinates attacked Killer to get him away from you.

This gave you enough time to collect yourself. But not much longer. Killer had already defeated the three men.

You thought that this would be a good moment to attack Killer who seemed distracted. You raised your sword, as you were about to strike him with it it got ripped out of your hand. Kid was using his devilfruit to take it from you.

Killer turned around facing you and was about to attack you when the sub captain yelled for him to stop.

You could feel the cold steel on your throat and dared not to move.

"Why should I stop" Kid asked as he kicked the captain to the ground.

"She's a woman" the captain whimpered.

"A woman who has knocked out most of my crew" Kid yelled as he pressed the heel of his foot on the captains throat.

"Shanks' will not let you get away with killing her" This made Kid suspicious

"Why would that be? Now that i come to think about it why is she so much stronger than you are? Aren't you the captain?" Kid asked tauntingly but still a curious look on his face.

"I am the captain. And i will not let you hurt her" he said trying to sound as confident as he could.

"Shouldn't the captain be stronger than his crew? Unless she's no member of your crew" Kid said eyes now glued on yours.

Fuck this was bad. If he finds out that you belong to Shanks' crew or even worse you are Beckmann's lover you're in deep trouble. Ok as long as no one spills the beans you don't have to worry.

You shifted slightly which Killer noticed.

"Kid, I believe someone's a little nervous" he stated making Kid smirk devilish.

"Tell me girl which crew do you belong to" Kid asked you not paying anymore attention to the captain on the floor.

"I'm part of one of Shanks' subordinates. Not this one though" you lied trying to keep eye contact with Kid.

"Then why are you here" he asked as he stood right in front of you.

"A favor. The captain here asked if I could help him bargain with some other crew that's all"

Kid chuckled lowly as Killer removed the scythes from your throat. You were kinda relieved though not for long. You screamed in pain when Kid's metal hand dug into the cut on your shoulder.

"Don't touch the first mate's girl" the captain on the ground suddenly shouted.

What is wrong with that fucker. Does he hate you. Does he want you dead?

"The first mate's girl?" Kid asked with a sadistic grin

"Seems you've been lying to me mouse" he scolded hands wrapping around your throat.

"Tell me the name of this special first mate you sorry excuse of a captain. Otherwise i will snap her pretty neck"

You looked at the captain hoping he would be smart enough to make up a name.

"Jagger" that caught you by surprise. who the hell was jagger? you had to collect yourself otherwise your own expression would have had them realize the lie. Well seems that the captain was not that stupid after all.

The moment kid heard this name he looked just as confused as you did.

"Who the fuck is Jagger" he shouted looking over to Killer who shrugged.

"It's my first mate" the captain replied trying to get up only to be shoved back down by one of Kid's crewmates.

"I though you don't belong to this crew" Kid said tightening his grip around your throat.

"I was scared you'd hurt him if I did" god you were so good at telling lies.

"Smart mouse" he smirked releasing you. "Though this does not change the fact that you are part of the fucking red hair" he continued voice low and threatening.

"So maybe I should sent him a message by cruzifying you" he taunted you.

You started to feel sick almost about to throw up - not now please not now.

You had to calm yourself, breath in and out - at least that's what the doctor said when he told you that you were pregnant. You didn't tell anyone about it not even Beckmann you wanted to make sure that everything was fine before you brought the news to him. That's why you decided to seek out a doctor and not have Hongo examine you.

For a moment you had to blend everything around you out. Focusing on yourself and the baby.

"Oi mouse what's wrong. Did i scare you that much you look rather pale" Kid said snapping you out of your thoughts unwillingly placing your hands on your stomach.

"Kid I think there's something wrong with her" Killer the calm observer of the whole situation replied.

"What do you mean?" he asked as Killer motioned at your belly.

Kid looked at you for a moment then back at Killer then at you again.

"You fucking shithead," he yelled grabbing the captain by his neck lifting him up. "What's wrong with her" he asked angrily.

You looked at the subordiante shaking your head, mouthing a silent don't.

"What shouldn't he tell us?" Kid who caught sight of the scene asked.

Both of you looked to the ground not saying a word. You couldn't come up with something this time. That's when you felt Killer grab a fistful of your hair pulling at it which caused her head to tilt back.

"Don't hurt her" the captain pleaded. "She's pregnant" he blurted out in desperation.

This caused Killer to immediately let go of you. While both he and Kid looked surprised at you.

The whole tension changed. "Are you fucking insane" Kid yelled at you throwing the captain to the side.

"What?" you asked confused.

"Fuck I'm not taking on a pregnant woman" he continued cursing to himself.

Killer was just as taken aback and immediately apologized for hurting you.

"Kid, what about the father" one of Kid's crew mates asked.

"Oi mouse where's this father of your unborn brat"

Oh well, he's sitting on the deck of the red force probably reading the newspaper a cigarette in his mouth and sharing a glass of sake with Shanks. You wanted to say.

"Uhm I don't know"

"Then take a look" Kid commanded as you pretended to look around you.

The hesitation in your movements and the panicked look in your eyes made both Kid and Killer suspicious.

"Something's not right" Killer said as he stood next to Kid arms crossed both men not taking their gazes from you.

"I know, I think the mouse is lying" Kid said as grabbed your arm roughly pulling you closer your body almost colliding with his.

"Why am I starting to feel like you're fucking with us" he hissed.

"I'm not" you protested.

"Then where's this stupid man of yours"

"I don't know" you said lowering your gaze.

"Fuck this shit, listen up you motherfuckers who's the one that got her pregnant" Kid suddenly shouted over the place.

Those of the subordinates that did not pass out were looking in confusion, shaking their heads. The sight of this made Kid furious.

"I don't like being made a fool" he growled tightening his grip his eyes now full of rage. As you once again moved your hands unknowingly onto your belly.

"Are you even pregnant" Killer asked in a more calm voice though not less dangerous.

"Probably not" Kid said grabbing your hands trying to remove them feeling the bump that was covered by your wide shirt.

He looked at you dumbstruck as you gave him a warm smile even blushing a little.

He didn't say a word as he reached for Killer's hand only to place it on your belly too.

That was getting super weird.

No one said a word - there was an awkward silence in the air.

You sighed and took a deep breath.

"I'm y/n. I'm part of the red hair pirates where I'm usually bargaining/negotiating with lower pirate crews and well as you could already feel I'm pregnant. The father of this child is not a dude named Jagger, honestly I'm not even sure if this person even exists". you explained not knowing why you felt the need to do this.

"I think that's the first time you've been telling the truth to us" Killer comented.

You let out a small laugh while you could see Kid was thinking, like really hard.

"Who's the father" he demanded to know.

"Seriously what does it matter" you asked gently as he grabbed your face with his flesh hand.

"The red hair" he growled angrily.

"Worse," you snapped boldly "The one who took your arm"

Kid squeezed your cheeks a rush of anger running through his body. How he wanted to punch you right now. But something inside himself couldn't bring himself to do it.

He was a menace and he had nothing but hatred for the red hair pirates especially shanks and beckmann but he couldn't hurt you or the baby. After all everything that happened was not your fault.

"Kid" you said quietly carefully placing your hand on his to remove it from your face. Smiling at him.

"How did you get here" he asked out of nowhere.

"I uh got dropped off here and they will take me home" you said motioning to the subordinate captain.

"Fuck they will" Kid cursed. "You had to defend them, they're weak you're coming with us" he continued.

"What?" this whole day was getting more and more confusing. Note to self if Shanks ever asks for a favor again tell him to go to hell.

"No I'm-" you started to protest but Kid cut you off looking at Killer who suddenly picked you up and carried you to their ship.

"You're lucky scum, this time I won't kill you" Kid said taunting the suboridinates. "And don't worry we'll take good care of her"

The moment you arrived at the victoria punk you panicked. What was going on? Did he plan on hurting you? Would he use you as a bait? I mean after all you're his enemies lover.

"Relax, no one's gonna hurt you." Killer said soothingly as he carefully put you down.

"I'm not so sure about that" you mumbled.

"Don't worry little one" he said gently brushing a strand of your hair behind your ear.

"You're lucky I'm starting to enjoy your company mouse" Kid shouted voice low and a smug smile on his face.

"You can't be serious right? Why would you want to bring me home? I'm your enemies lover, I mean he....he took your arm" you stuttered.

"Calm down, I'm doing this for the brat in your belly that's all. Now do me a favor and get out of my way" he scolded

"Take her to my room and tend to her wounds" Kid said to his crew mates as they showed you the way.

"Looks like you've grown a soft spot for her" Killer mocked as the two of them were alone.

"She's pretty and bold, I like her and... the brat in her belly...." Kid stopped, smiling.

"I did too" Killer replied knowing well what Kid meant a big smile under his mask.

"Maybe the brat wanted to protect mom from us" Kid joked both of them chuckling.

Thinking about the moment their hands layed on your belly feeling the baby kick was putting bright smile on their face and a warm feeling in their heart.

#one piece #eustass kid #massacre soldier killer #eustass captain kid #kikitober2024 #killer one piece #kid pirates #shanks #benn beckman #red hair pirates #kid x reader #killer x reader #eustass captain kidd #eustass kidd #eustass kid x reader

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horce-divorce · 9 months ago

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something something about the power imbalance inherent to being an unhoused person, how similar it is to the dependency that abusers intentionally foster in their relationships to keep victims from leaving. but if you're homeless and someone is putting you up, especially if it's for free/some kind of exchange other than rent, you're basically expected to put up with whatever indignity they can imagine for you and still just be grateful. And if you set a boundary or speak up for yourself in any kind of way, that's Taking Advantage of this poor kind person who's doing SO much for you already, how could you?

sorry its 2am and I'm trying to write a better draft about this for later too but its like. being homeless is a huge, huge vulnerability. ppl people will look to exploit that, intentionally or not. and doubly so if you're homeless because you're disabled.

also something the ableism involved... about how I know so many fellow disabled people who have struggled with homelessness, and we all have similar stories about people we trusted, friends or loved ones who seemed all too happy to help and take us in, and how we repeatedly impressed upon them the nature of our health and the situation, and they swore up and down that they understood and that we were on the same page about boundaries and expectations... only to have them blow up and kick us out at the absolute first sign of conflict or miscommunication, or because we didn't get jobs fast enough, or because we didn't contribute financially even after being told that wasn't expected, and so on.

and how, I know so many housed people who have never been through this, who all have very similar stories about how they tried to help a friend in need once, and they were SO lazy and horrible and took SO long to get their shit together that they clearly were just a freeloader taking advantage who should've never been trusted, just like all homeless people, and that's why we give them socks and canned beans instead of money.

I was never allowed to complain about ableist expectations or abled people ignoring my boundaries in my parents' home. Especially not after I became a disabled adult who still needed help with housing. And that's been true of most of the couch-hopping I've done since then, too.

Currently we have a fairly nice situation... we live with a trusted and pleasant friend. It's a whole house, not an apartment. Not even in the city. We have our own entire room. We don't have to pay rent or anything. It's temporary even aside from our discomfort, it's just been a nice place to land for the cold months.

However. Friends parents are not so chill. Their dad is the most disgusting man alive and has repeatedly gotten us sick bc he's always got something, bleeds all over and never cleans it up, never washes his hands, leaves his dentures on countertops and tables with food still stuck on them, coughs all over our stuff and never masks, is actively making the mouse infestation worse with all the food he leaves out, and puts our health at risk in SO many ways.

he used to work in Healthcare btw. His wife still does. They know we're here bc we're homeless; they know we're both disabled and immunocompromised; neither of them will wear a mask. Both of them are constantly coughing everywhere and not even covering their mouths. We've tried to politely bring this to their attention multiple times and nothing changes. They just ignore us.

We could literally die from this. We could get lifelong health complications even worse than what we have now. Bel lost his sense of taste today and now we're terrified that it's gonna be long covid or something else that sucks what little joy is left from our daily lives.

You lose everything, and then you're supposed to just say nothing and accept your lot, no matter how much danger you're in, because beggars can't be choosers. If you're disabled and poor you'd better just be fine with people abusing you and putting your health and safety at risk indefinitely, because you're lucky they're even helping you at all instead of JUST abusing you.

You dont get to have a home. You dont get to collect things, or keep sentimental things, or have a whole, adequate wardrobe. You get what you can carry with you and what won't get stolen or destroyed by others, or by the nature of moving so much. You dont get to have safety and stability and roots and community. You dont get the dignity of boundaries or your own space. You get what you get and you don't throw a fit. And be happy and say "thank you" if people are merely ignoring you instead of actively silencing you. And if the people "helping" you actually give you the thing that kills you, at least you didn't die of exposure, I guess? Or something?

Its just. Every single thing you do as both a homeless & disabled person reminds you how utterly worthless you are to the """normal""" people around you. Every day. It's so demoralizing.

#me #prsnl #disability stuff #homelessness

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poetryandfluffycats · 6 months ago

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haii i love your writing so much!! can you please do tsumugi x fem reader nsfw with him giving her lots of body praise bc shes insecure and calling her a "good girl" and his "babygirl" and stuff 🥺🥺 thank youuu

A/N: mugi day. i would die for this man.

Pairing: Tsumugi Aoba x insecure!fem!reader

Content: You've been invited to go as Tsumugis plus 1 to a company party, which you're truly grateful for! But, you just can't seem to find the right dress, everything looks too big or just plain unflattering. So, you turn to Tsumugi for help.

Warnings: NSFW, soft sex, fingering, penetration sex(p in v), body worship, soft dom tsumugi, slight breeding kink I think, praise, reader is insecure, negative self talk, body image issues, petnames(darling, baby girl), mugi is kind of mean in beginning

Words: 1.9k

NSFW oneshot under cut!

Majestic Lover

You twirled around in the mirror, the ruffles of my white dress flying up around me as I did so. You sighed as they fell down to your waist again, bringing your hand down to smooth them out. This dress had looked absolutely majestic on the mannequin and the model on the website, but on you...

"I don't know, what do you think, Tsumugi? Does it look okay?" You turned around, cocking your head at the blue-haired man, who was currently sprawled out over the bed with his nose stuck in a book.

He let out a hum in response, eyes not leaving the page. "Everything looks great on you, darlin'"

"That's not what I asked" You huffed, turning back to the mirror. "I mean... does it make me look fat?"

Tsumugi sighed, closing the book and placing it on the bedside table, his eyes still not meeting yours. "You're not fat, (name), why do you keep saying that?" He raised an eyebrow.

"You're not answering my question! Do I look good or not?" You whined, crossing your arms over your chest. It felt like you could never get a straight answer out of this man, no matter how hard you tired.

"You look beautiful"

"Liar!" Your bottom lip stuck out in a pout as you threw yourself dramatically onto the ground, legs tangling in the puffy fabric of the dress. A childish look, sure, but it got the point across. "It looks horrible, everything I try on looks horrible. Forget it, I'm not going to that stupid party"

Tsumugi let out a soft huff as he rose from the bed, carefully leaning down to take a seat next to you on the hard floor. His lanky legs stretched out in front of him, long and lean, a stark contrast to your short and pudgy ones. The two of you sat in silence for a short while, you wallowing in the endless abyss of your own self pity and him staring off into space, probably thinking about how much he'd rather be doing anything else than sitting with you.

Or at least that's what you thought.

"Why is this party such a big deal for you, anyway?" He broke the silence after about 30 seconds that felt like a lifetime, wrapping an arm over your shoulders and pulling you in closer.

You looked up at him through your eyelashes, pout still plastered on your face. "What do you mean?"

Tsumugi shrugged. "It's just a silly company party, why are you fussing so much over what to wear? Its not that serious"

"Its not that!" You buried your face into his shoulder, trying to hide the ever growing blush on your cheeks. "You don't think I'm pretty enough for you"

The mood suddenly shifted, and you felt Tsumugi stiffen beneath you. You had expected him to laugh, to call you silly and kiss the top of your head, and then you could continue arguing the point until he gave up and left you alone. That's was usually happened when you had an outburst, and it only added to your doubts that your boyfriend loved you at all.

But he didn't laugh, in fact, he didn't speak at all. This was it, you thought. He had finally had enough and was going to break it all off right now and you were going to have to pack your bags and leave, because what man wants a girl who throws a tantrum over a little extra fat on her thighs? You braced yourself for the worst, tears forming in the corners of your eyes.

But the worst never came.

What came in its place, however, was far more shocking and heart-racing than any breakup would have been. Tsumugi sighed, before using all his strength to pull you up by your hips, lifting you back up onto the edge of the bed and climbing on top of you, legs either side of you own caging you under him.

"(name)" He breathed, leaning down until his face was mere inches away from yours. "Do you really think I'm that awful? That I would go out with someone who I didn't think was the most beautiful lady in the whole wide world?"

Your words got caught in your throat, mouth opening and closing like a fish gasping for air as you attempted to find the right thing to say here. You couldn't, so instead, you simply shook your head, feeling your whole body going hot and red with embarrassment.

"That I'd spend all of my time with someone I didn't truly love?" Tsumugi began to kiss down your body, leaving no bare surface untouched from your forehead, to the tip of your nose, to even the little beauty marks in between your fingers.

"That I'd fuck a girl that I didn't want to marry someday?" You gasped as his hands slid up your dress, using their size to his advantage and easily pulling the fabric off your body. His fingers made their way to the hem of your panties, gently tracing over the white waistband. Dammit, you were already beginning to soak through and he had barely touched you yet. Why did he have to be so good at this?

"Do you really think, my most beautiful, sweet, wonderful baby girl" His fingers were hooked under your panties, pulling them down your thighs, throwing them somewhere across the room and leaving you completely bare besides from the white bra still attached to your chest. Cold air brushed against your exposed core, but was quickly replaced with the warmth of Tsumugis hand rubbing along your folds. "That I'd do this to someone I didn't utterly adore?"

You couldn't manage a response, the only sounds coming out of your mouth being tiny whimpers and whines. Tsumugis fingers worked like magic, teasing you and pleasing you just the right amount and in all the right places. The pad of his middle finger prodded your dripping hole, circling a few times and dipping in just a tiny bit, as if to test the waters. He would push in a little deeper each time, stretching you out in a way that made you feel like fine glass-or a virgin.

"Tell me, baby girl, how do I prove to you how much I love you?" He pushed the digit in deeper, wiggling it around and pressing up on a spot that had you squirming for him. "I mean, do I need to fuck those insecurities right out of that pretty little head of yours? Cause I'll do it, baby. Whatever you want"

"Yes!" You cried as he added another finger, pumping in and out at a rapid pace and abusing your g-spot. "F-fuck me Tsumugi! Please!"

Heavenly, that was the only word you could think of to describe the feeling in your veins. Like an angel was touching you, bringing you closer and closer to the pearly gates with each thrust of his fingers. Whatever thoughts that plagued your mind before, gone. A heat was starting to build in your belly, spreading like a rash throughout your whole body. You couldn't get enough, it was addicting, a painful but oh so pleasurable burn.

Tsumugi suddenly paused his movements, withdrawing his fingers and earning a whine of protest from you. Your childish mindset from your earlier tantrum reappeared, and you found yourself wanting to kick and cry once more. What was he doing? Why did he stop? Why why why why why?

He chuckled at the pout that came back to your face, hands moving down to fiddle with his belt buckle. "Roll over, darlin'. Facing the mirror"

Oh God.

You did as you were told, flipping over so your face was squashed against the sheets and your ass was lifted in the air. You wiggled it around a little bit, giggling at the reflection of Tsumugis flustered face looking down on it in the mirror. His pants and belt had already been swiftly discarded and his raging erection was straining against the thin material of his boxers, twitching as you shuffled backwards to rub up on it.

"Patience" He reminded, reaching his hand out to caress the skin of your backside, kneading it in between his fingers.

His hands were large enough to cover most of one cheek with one palm, and they left a trail of warmth wherever they touched. From your ass, to your thighs, then down to where you were most insecure about. His fingers stroked over the softness of your belly, running the pads over your stretch marks as if he were trying to memorise every part of you. Then he moved his hand to under your chin, forcing you to meet you own reflection in the mirror "Look at yourself. Look at that gorgeous woman there and tell me shes ugly"

"Tsumugi-"

"You can do it" He encouraged, moving the hand that still sat on your ass to the band of his underwear, pulling down and letting his cock free, giving it a few lazy strokes. "You're beautiful, say it"

You gulped. "I'm beautiful..." The words were whisper, barely audible, like it was a secret.

"And this" Tsumugi trailed the hand holding your chin back to the plush of your stomach, giving it a small squeeze. "Isn't fat, alright? The only time it will be is when I stuff you full of my babies"

With that, he plunged in, bottoming out with one harsh thrust. The angle was perfect, the tip of his cock resting snugly on your g-spot causing you to throw your head back in a moan, the loud sound bouncing off the walls. Tsumugi didn't give you much time to adjust, beginning with a soft pace mere seconds after pushing in. It was hard not to cum on the spot, with his hips rocking back and forth so nicely, cock pushing up against every little crack and crevasse inside you.

"I love you, (name). Ah~" He panted, leaning down to press a flutter of kisses down your back. "I'm so lucky. All mine. So pretty"

"Ah!~ L-love you too!"

Each praise was accompanied by a particularly hard thrust, a subtle but not-so subtle reminder that every word he spoke was the absolute truth. Heat spread from the tips of your toes to your core, your orgasm brewing as Tsumugis thrusts sped up. You were so close, and so was he-if the way his cock throbbed inside of you was any tell.

"Mugi~ Wanna cum so bad"

"Yeah? Lets cum together baby girl. Show me just how perfect you are"

You couldn't help the squeal that left your throat as you came undone over his words, the heat in your belly exploding like a volcano and flooding your brain with nothing but thoughts of your lover and how good he made you feel. Tsumugis came soon after, hips snapping to meet yours as he released his hot seed inside you, coating your walls white and filling you to the brim.

The two of you collapsed on the bed, bodies sticky and clammy with sweat and other bodily fluids. Tsumugis gently pulled out before laying down next to you and wrapping an arm around your shoulder, bringing you in closer to pepper kisses all over your flushed face. "I meant it, you know? I love you so so much"

"I... think I'm starting to believe that now, I'm sorry, I guess I'm just now used to someone loving me this much" You confessed, burying your head deep into his chest. He smelt nice, a nice mix of that woodsy cologne he always wore and both of yours sweat. "I love you too"

He hummed. "I'm glad. Now, can I get back to reading my book or...?"

"Cuddles?"

"Course, darlin'"

#esxreadernsfwmonth2024 #ensemble stars #enstars #ensemble stars x reader #enstars x reader #oneshot #ensemble stars smut #ensemble stars oneshot #enstars smut #tsumugi aoba #tsumugi aoba smut #tsumugi aoba x reader #tsumugi aoba x reader smut #tsumugi x reader #switch x reader #switch enstars #writers #my writing

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buckybarnesdiaries · 4 years ago

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i'm not the winter soldier anymore, i'm james buchanan barnes

bucky barnes x reader. ⎢ masterlist.

SPOILERS — 1x03!!!

you help Bucky with a panic attack, after coming back from Madripoor.

word count: 1.145 words.

warnings/tags: ptsd situation, panic attack, reader insert.

author notes: none of my stories contain reader’s body descriptions to be inclusive.

Join the tag list here.

It wasn't inevitable for you to not notice that Bucky had been absent-minded since the three of you came to the bar. The beers were rolling on the table as the chat turned from their mission to Sam's war stories. You were having a good night, sharing laughs and past adventures, disconnecting from work, until Bucky stood up while having a long sip from his bottle. I need air, he just said, causing your other partner and you to look at each other a little confused. You glanced at him leaving the place before putting back your attention on Sam. He waved his head to the exit, urging you to follow the soldier outside.

You didn't need anything else to do it, leading your steps throughout the crowd of people there to find Bucky. Once outdoors and zipping up your jacket, you glimpsed a shadow coming into the next corner to a dead-end street. Rubbing your nose, you continued to the alley without hesitating, hearing some grunts echoing between both buildings. He was there. Hands placed against the wall, head bowed and eyes closed. His chest rose and fell furious, trying to breathe. You didn't think about your actions, putting a foot wrong when you rested your fingers on his middle back.

His whole anatomy shook, walking away from you almost sweating and scared, but ready to attack. Until Bucky laid his eyes on you.

“It's okay, it's okay… It's me”. You intoned using a soft and calm tone of voice.

“Sorry, uh… I just… I can't bre— breathe”. He waved the vibranium hand close to his chest, gasping like a fish out of water.

He was having a panic attack and you knew exactly why. Taking two long strides, you landed a hand on the back of his head and grabbed his flesh hand strongly, guiding him to the closest wall to rest him on it.

“Hey, hey, James… James focus on me, c'mon, focus on me”. You called him, sliding your fingers across his neck to force him to look at you. “Breathe with me, okay?”

Fixing your orbs in his, you show him how he had to do it. Inhaling through your nostrils, holding the air for three seconds, and exhaling it by your nose. He followed your instructions, once and again, until he was respiring quietly and normally.

“Now, repeat with me. I'm not the Winter Soldier anymore, I'm James Buchanan Barnes”.

“I'm no— not the Winter… Soldier anymore… I'm James Buchanan Barnes”.

“That's it… That's it... One more time. Can you say it for me one more time? Please”. Your honeyed tone made his pulse slow down, nodding with his chin.

“I'm not the Winter Soldier anymore. I'm James Buchanan Barnes”. His voice was firm now, finally believing his own affirmation.

“You back?” You whispered caressing his rough cheek using your thumb.

“Yeah… I just… had all those voices… screaming inside my head. I couldn't shut them up”. He explained, squeezing your hand between his digits, rested close to his heart. “That… That… I, uh… In Madripoor… I… I heard Zemo saying how easy was for me to… y'know, come ba—”

“Don't do that to yourself, Bucky. You've worked really hard to be where you are right now”.

“You mean in an alley that smells like peed and puke, having an atta—”.

Again, you didn't think about your actions, slapping his face with your free hand and furrowing towards him. Bucky's mouth dropped to the floor, more than surprised and gulping a complaint.

“Why…? Did you just…? What the hell?”

“You were wandering again”. You excused your gesture. “Want another, uh?”

“Hell, no!” He pouted at you, looking through his eyelids trying to make you feel sorry. “Why a slap? Did you think that was a good way to calm somebody? Why not a kiss?”

“Oh, god… here we go 'gain”. You couldn't help but roll your eyes with the intention of drawing some distance between both, but he pushed you closer till your chests were practically stuck to the other.

“'M not stupid”. He scoffed securing his vibranium arm around your lower back to not let you go.

“I was worried, Buck”.

“See? You call me like that”.

“Like what? It's your name”.

“Uh… Not actually”. The soldier replied, shaking his head to both sides briefly. “Only Steve called me like that, he was my friend”.

“So am I”.

“Are you?”

His gaze made you feel weak, breaking down the walls around your heart that too much time costed you to build. You licked your upper lip with resignation, leaning and resting your forehead on his clavicle. You afforded to close your eyes and tour his neck back to his scalp to tangle your fingers there, slowly, gently, fondly. It was a step to admit your real feelings for Bucky, and he accepted it without refusing.

The soldier kissed your temple to put his chin on top of your head, holding you tighter and rolling down his eyelids to only focus on your caresses. For an instant, everything disappeared around you. The world got emptied. The noise got shut down.

“I was scared. Not for me, but for you”. You confessed, not needing to explain why. He was conscious about your reasons because he was too somehow. “But that's not gonna happen again”.

At the moment you raised your face, Bucky took the advantage to press his lips on your forehead. “How could it, if I have you to remind me who I am?”

“I'm just a plus, Buck. Don't give me a credit you earned by yourself and your constant work. You did it alone, I just supported you”.

“Like fewer people did, and like fewer people do”.

“You've never cared about people's opinion”.

“Yeah, till my relationship with Sam changed. And till I met you”. Bucky affirmed very securely.

“But don't forget you're a fighter. You're strong, you deserve good things to happen to your life”.

“I won't”. He responded, bringing your hand tangled to his flesh one to his lips, placing a kiss on the back of yours. “Thank you…”

“You don't have to”. Clicking your tongue, you couldn't help but roll your eyes. “Let's come back to the bar, we need another round of beers”.

“I can't get drunk, remember?”

“You have so much fun watching me being drunk, remember?”

“How could I forget it? You always make that… horrible impression of my arm, with those… robot noises”. Bucky chuckled, pinching your side and causing you to jump slightly under his grip. Your laugh made him feel better.

“C'mon! You love it!”

“Oh, yeah, I do”. He opened his eyes a little more, nodding his head while placing his vibranium arm on your shoulders, but without loosening the hold around your other hand. “I'd like to see you imitating Sam tonight”.

“Nasty boy…” You joked with a giggle.

feedback is appreciated. lemme know in a comment if you enjoyed it. and REBLOG!!! 🤍

TAG LIST: @mystic-232 @homesicam @theresnoplatypus @i-love-scott-mccall @slutfornat @goldielocks2004 @whatrambles @multiyfandomgirl40 @spidergirla5 @fanofalltheficsx @nocturnalherb16 @valenquei @golden-hoax @hunter-of-baker-street @missusstark @vhscherry @warm-sensations @addictedtofictionalcharacters @sarahsmcu @tinylumpiaa @amelia-song-pond @heartislubbingdubbing @stolenxkissess @clean-and-claire @winchestersgirl222 @virgoroses @marvel-ousnesss @me-a-hopeless-romantic @rvgrsbrns @maccasbeard @haileygarciasunshine @lewd-alien @kait-is-always-late @mckenna @weenersoldierr @mxltifaves @soldierstucky @theboldandthebootyful @arkofblake @isabellamur @kiwisa @spider-man-lover @rosiebrands @stealapizzamyheart @koressecretidentity @asemistablehundredyearoldman

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#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x female reader #james bucky barnes x reader #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan x you #bucky barnes #bucky x you #bucky x reader

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blkchainsaws · 3 years ago

Text

the way life goes 🦋

I know you're sad and tired You've got nothing left to give You'll find another life to live I know that you'll get over it

THE WAY LIFE GOES - LIL UZI VERT

after a tough breakup and a fight that left you scarred, you reflect on some things.

pairing: bakugo x black!fem!reader warnings: bakugo, cussing, fighting/arguments, mentions of scars and hospitals, characters are 3rd years word count: 1.4k author note: really needed to practice angst! excuse any mistakes. i dont really like this since i feel like it's rushed pls enjoy tho <3

you laid in your bed, staring at the ceiling. the sun was peeking through, slowly making it's way into your bedroom. another sleepless night. you were thinking about him again. you were still in disbelief, you didn't want to believe it, but it happened.

he left you when you needed him the most.

you took in a deep breath. every time you thought about it, it always came to that conclusion. you would retrace your steps to see where you went wrong, how this could've been avoided but no, he truly left you when you needed him most.

you shook your head, tears slowly starting to pour out your eyes. you couldn't face reality. you were still stuck in your fantasy world. where everything was peachy and so sweet you could get cavities.

where did you go wrong? all you wanted to do was protect him.

you closed your eyes. trying to escape deeper into your world of sweet lies. you didn't want to think about it anymore but no matter how much you dug into your mind to slip back into your happy place, you kept hitting that steel wall.

it towered over you, a list of your insecurities and flaws plastered all over it. it was engraved in perfect writing. even the blind could read what was written in that wall.

you shook your head again. trying to loosen the steel wall, but all that did was cause the steel wall to tilt over and crush you. you felt the weight, you felt the cold steel pressed against your scars that covered your once smooth skin. you felt your tears pouring out at an alarming rate.

you were completely crushed. no one was there to help you escape this wall. you didn't want to see anyone. you couldn't bare to face his friends.

"he cares...he just has a way of showing it."

you squeezed your eyes shut. "then why leave me alone..." you choked out, your voice was so weak and tiny compared to the usual upbeat tone. you sounded like a broken record.

"why...why...why"

you brought your hands to your face, only to stop when you saw the remains of what was once so beautiful.

your hands were everything to him. they were soft and delicate, he loved to hold them, kiss them, and press them against his face. you could still feel his surprisingly soft skin against your hands. it was almost as if that was the ONLY thing you could feel now.

your hands were now scarred and battered, as if someone held them and balled them up into pathetic little balls of flesh. a hideous pattern of scars was layered on top of your hands. each scar was ugly and asymmetrical. nothing was pleasing. it didn't make you look cool or confident, it made you look and feel like a an abomination.

you threw your hands away from your sight...but you knew that wasn't enough.

you knew exactly how you ended up here. you were reckless.

everyone was fighting trying to protect each other. that's when you saw him, he was cornered, he told you to stay back and never interfere with his battles but you didn't listen.

you saw his eyes, they were clouded with fear and worry. your reflexes kicked in, you were so stupid.

you shouted out for him, bringing attention to yourself. something you were told multiple times to never do.

you heard multiple voices call out to you, before a flash of light and sudden darkness.

you remember waking up in the hospital. everyone, including him, was hovering over you. you couldn't remember their faces, it was all a blur, all you remember was his. he looked so disappointed and worried. you were not used to seeing that look in his face, he looked as if he didn't sleep in days, his hair was a mess, his eyes were droopy and had terrible bags under them.

the way his eyes lit up when you made eye contact. there was a brief moment of happiness between you both. until his facial features morphed into that angry expression you loved.

but there was no love behind his eyes this time. there was only venom and hatred. if looks could kill, you would've been dead.

it soon became a screaming match between you both, with everyone in the room.

you remember every phrase and every insult he threw your way.

"I TOLD YOU TO FUCKIN STAY BACK!"

"WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST LISTEN TO ME FOR ONCE?"

you relived this moment multiple times at this point. those blurry faces from before slowly started to come back, each detail in everyone's face becoming clear. you started to remember how everyone had to hold him back at one point due to how heated he was getting.

"YOU'RE JUST SO..." he trailed off. he looked away from you, a few tears dripped down his face onto his shoes. he wiped them quickly.

the room was silent and tense. his maroon colored eyes met with your (e/c) eyes.

"i can't do this anymore. you're a burden to me."

a sharp ping went throughout your chest.

"you couldn't listen to me just this once. now you're battered and useless. you may as well be quirkless at this point."

you felt your heart beat faster. your sobs were getting louder by the moment.

"you wasted your potential all because you didn't want to listen to me. you're just so stubborn and it almost cost you, your life." his eyes were so stern and...mean.

"i just can't put up with you anymore. goodbye." he turned and walked away after that and he never came back.

you waited days and days for him to visit. everyone reassured you he would be back, but you all knew, he wouldn't come anywhere near you.

you weren't the same to him anymore.

your beautiful face was now marked with a large scar that went from your chin up to your left eye, as if you were todoroki's twin. you lost so much hair you were practically balding at this point. your arms were mangled and a dull shade of your once perfect skin. your legs were still healing, thank god nothing too horrible happened to them. they were the only thing keeping you positive during this time.

it was your body that was making everything worst. you couldn't get into the details. just various stitches and scars that look as if a kid took a marker and went crazy on you.

flawless, perfect, smooth, radiant brown skin ruined. hair that took you YEARS to grow out and care for ruined. your relationship...ruined.

you were soon excused from U.A. you were too battered and useless.

the sun was still creeping up your window. you would've been up at this hour, getting ready for a day at school. you would've taken a few photos to show off your beauty.

you would've been on the phone with mina, planning out your day.

you would've been there earlier than everyone else, you lived so far away and it was the only way to make sure you never get a tardy. bakugo hated when you were late.

you would've met up with bakugo as well, and planned out your 3rd year anniversary. he would get flustered and tell you to quiet down

you would've sat with him at lunch trying to sneak a piece of his food. his cooking was so good, you loved when he brought you a bento. the spices he used, the ingredients everything was just so perfect.

you would've been training with the girls gossiping about uraraka's obvious crush on deku. seeing her pale face turn the brightest shade of red was the funniest thing.

at the end of the day, you would've walked up to bakugo a huge smile on your face as you both walked to the dorms. you would've told him all about your training, and how you were finally coming up with a hero name.

bakugo would only listen, a very small smile on his face.

you would've sat in the common area, braiding mina's hair and talking to everyone about their day and plans for tomorrow.

at the end of the night, you would've walked over to your boyfriend, wrap your arms around his neck and give him a kiss, feeling his much larger hands wrap around your waist.

you would say "I love you."

and he would say "I love you too."

you stared at the torn hero suit that hang in your closet.

you would've.

taglist: nobody yet!

#bnha x poc!reader #bnha x black!reader #bnha x reader #mha x black!reader #mha x poc!reader #mha x reader #bakugo katsuki #katsuki bakugo x reader #bakugou x black!reader #bakugo x poc!reader #bakugou x reader #bakugo x reader #mha angst #bnha angst #bakugo angst

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girl-in-the-tower · 3 years ago

Text

CHAPTER I

Ramshackle Dorm - Birthday Party Venue

Kore: Woah, to think the ghosts would go all out like this just for today! Even though I told them that they didn't have to bother with it, they wouldn't listen, at all... It's... It's kind of embarrassing to be fussed over like this! If it was Grim I would have understood but this, uh...

Ah! And I'm supposed to have a guest over today as well! Hm, I guess some tea should be in order... maybe some cakes as well... I wonder if there's any sugar left...

Ace: Yo!

Kore: Ah, just a moment- Oh, it's just you, Ace.

Ace: Ha? What's that supposed to mean? 'It's just you'? It's super rude to greet your dear guest like this, you know?

Kore: Is that so? But calling you a guest is...

Ace: What's that?

Kore: Hm...

Ace: Well, doesn't matter because my feelings were hurt either way! So I'll help myself to this krumkake to make myself feel better! Let's dig in~

Kore: Hey, that- Aaah, that was meant to be for Grim. He kept complaining all day yesterday that he should have a cake all to himself too since it's a special day so I woke up extra early just to make it for him. Now he's gonna be mad...

Ace: Haa? A whole cake just for that furball? You've got to be kidding me!

Kore: What are you talking about? You know how much he likes krumkake.

Ace: Nah, I doubt there's really anything that guy won't eat... But that's not the point. You're spoiling him too much. He's gotten really fat, you know?

Kore: It's fine. I still make sure he exercises and he looks cute round like that too, so it's not a problem.

Ace: No, I definitely still think there's something wrong here. Mainly with your head.

Kore: Haaaaaaa, you wanna pick a figh-

Ace: Oh, I almost forgot! Here you go!

Kore: ... What's this?

Ace: Isn't it obvious?

Kore: Well... Huh? Wait a minute- That can't-!

Ace: Ta-da! It's a limited edition Griffons varsity jacket that's been all the rage with Magift meatheads like you~

Kore: No way!! This is- This is-

Ace: Cool, righ- Hey!! Don't jump on me like that! You almost knocked me off the chair!

Kore: Sorry, hahaha! I was so happy I just couldn't contain myself! To think that I would be able to actually get my hands onto something so valuable!

Ace: Yeah, we figured you'd like i-

Kore: This season has really been a blessing from above for them, you know? Everybody is in top shape and playing at their best! I heard their new manager actually made them go through this super difficult training regime that has been working wonders for them. Though it's only speculation so far!

Ace: Uh, Kor-

Kore: If you ask me, it's definitely also thanks to those new brooms that they ordered for the team. The wood is apparently from the Valley of Thorns and super-resistant so they go all out without worrying about breaking them. For the moves that the team is pulling, they really need that propulsion time! Even a second helps when you're in a headlock. I remember back in the vs Mandrakes game that they switched brooms in between-

Ace: Heeeeey! You Magift boar woman! Can you hear me?

Kore: Wh-Why are you yelling like that?! I'm right next to you!

Ace: Haaaa, when you start talking about Magift you might as well be in a completely different world... No wonder they all think of you as the Magift Encyclopedia. I bet you have hundreds of useless pieces of information like that stuck in your head.

Kore: You-! Huh? What's this?

Ace: A-Ah! That!

Kore: It's rice pudding- Ah! It's homemade from the Mountains!

Ace: Hm? Ah, ye-yeah... That came with the jacket...

Kore: Eh? They put pudding in jackets when they sell them?!

Ace: O-Obviously! Don't tell me you didn't know? Bwahaha, man, you sure are clueless...

Kore: ... It's my favourite flavour too...

CHAPTER II

Ace: Alright, next to the first question!

Kore: Eh?! Question?! Is this a quiz of some kind?!

Ace: I guess you could think of it like that, so anyway- Your first question as today's birthday girl issssss: "If you were stuck on a deserted island, who would you take with you?" Hm, here it says that you can't pick members of your own dorm, but given that you guys don't even have a dorm, I'm not sure that the restriction applies. Not that it matters since you wouldn't choose Grim anyway, right?

Kore: Huh? Why not?

Ace: You're serious?! You'd pick that furball?! Hey, we're talking about a deserted island here so think carefully! Don't you want to get off it?!

Kore: Well, obviously I would... But...

Ace: But?

Kore: I can do that on my own.

Ace: Huh?

Kore: Survival is all about securing shelter, food and formulating an escape plan. If it's a deserted island I assume there would be some fauna and animals too, so we could feed ourselves through fruit gathering and hunting. It might be hard if we don't have any tools, however, but I think Grim's claws would be sharp enough to cut through the skin and meat fairly easily. I make sure he takes good care of them after all.

Ace: I-I see...

Kore: If there's no drinkable water then we'll have to boil some from the sea in order to deal with the thirst. Grim's flames, when properly utilized, would be able to do such a thing. Not to mention that he could start fires to keep us warm at night and to cook food to sustain us! Also, it could be a great emergency signal if we end up at sea and need rescuing.

Ace: You want to use him as a flare?!

Kore: That sounds so mean! I would only do that as a last resort, however! Grim's pretty sensitive about having his belly scratched so I wouldn't do anything to make him uncomfortable like that!

Ace: Haaaa, I get it, I get it! So you're saying that the furball has his practical uses too. But I can't help but worry about some flaws...

Kore: Flaws?

Ace: No matter how much you feed that glutton, his stomach will never be full, you know! Whatever provisions you managed to gather, he's sure to inhale them with the first occasion!

Kore: Wah- That's a horrible thing to say! There's no way my Grim is so selfish!

Ace: My Grim?! What is he?! Your child?! And he's totally selfish, you know!!

Kore: HAAAAA?! ARE YOU REALLY PICKING A FIGHT WITH ME?!

Ace: Ca-Calm down!! I take it back, ok?! You can bring the furball with you!

Kore: Hmph.

Ace: Seriously, getting this angry over that cat...

Kore: Isn't that normal? Grim is my special person, after all!

Ace: SPECIAL PERSON?!

Kore: The person you care for a lot, like they're part of you, right? Like Cay-senpai said!

Ace: I-I see, so that's...

Kore: Being on a deserted island isn't ideal, but at the end of the day I know I can be ok on my own. Farmwork, housework - those are things that I'm used to from the Mountains. Life isn't so easy back home, but we all make do with what we can - magic or no magic. Even if I'm stuck in a bad situation, I can manage to get through so I don't need anybody else.

Well, that's what I thought before I came to this place anyway...

Ace: ...

Kore: Besides you're wrong about something!

Ace: Huh?

Kore: In order to survive it's not just physical attributes that are important, but mental ones as well. And in that case, Grim has the real trump card!

Ace: He-He does?!

Kore: Mm! You see, Grim, he... has the cutest paws and the fluffiest fur in the world!

Ace: HUH?!

Kore: Mm! Every time I feel like giving up or am reaching the end of the rope, all I'd have to do is give his paw pads a little squeeze or lay on his tummy and my mood would instantly clear up again! In a situation full of despair like that it would make a world of difference, you know?

Ace: SO HE'S THERE JUST FOR MORAL SUPPORT?!

Kore: Well, that too! It's important after all!

Ah, this pudding is really good actually...

CHAPTER III

Ace: Haaaa, I give up... Your boar mind is way too difficult to understand...

Kore: HUH?!

Ace: Anyway, let's get on with our next question and- Ah.

Kore: Hm? What is it? You suddenly stopped in the middle of the sentence. Did the falcon get your tongue, hehe?

Ace: It's a cat, not a falcon! And I only stopped because- uh...

Kore: What?

Ace: "You're offered the chance to pick another dorm, which one would you choose?"

Kore: ...

Ace: I swear, that Headmaster doesn't even think of these questions at all...

Kore: Yeah, there's no way I can answer that...

Ace: I figured. So instead! "Please share your opinions on the dorms!"

Kore: Ah!

Ace: Nice, right? You can definitely count on me when it comes to quick thinking, you know?

Kore: ... I guess.

Ace: You guess?!

Kore: I'll start with Diasomnia then!

Ace: Hey, don't ignore-

Kore: Hm, I'm not really sure about the atmosphere there but- Don't you think that their interior decor is pretty fancy? I haven't seen stuff like that in magazines for quite a while, so I feel like it's definitely something that must have required a lot of work! It's kinda dreary though, what will the windows not letting enough light and the greenery around it could stand to be looked after better, hm...

Ace: So you're only interested in the decor, huh? Alright, what about Ignihyde?

Kore: It's too technological.

Ace: Huh, I guess that you're right. For somebody like you, it would really be a struggle living there...

Kore: ...

It's even more depressing than Diasomnia, so I feel like I would be stuck in a bad mood without enough sunlight, you know? Though I must admit, it really is super clean inside! That's a very important detail! Clean homes are necessary for good health!

Ace: There you go again, sounding like a mom... Next is Pomefiore!

Kore: IT'S SUPER FLASHY!

Ace: I know~?

Kore: No, no, you don't get it! It's so flashy it actually scares me! All that pomp and glamour! The rugs themselves look like something from the fall collection that sold out about twenty years ago and the chandeliers are bound to be at least four times Theo's salary! Walking through those hallways is like stepping on opulence! A continuous loop of flashiness!

Ace: HEY! Get a hold of yourself! Let's go over to- Ah, Scarabia...

Kore: It's so hot there!!

Ace: Oh, yeah, you're super weak to heat so you'd definitely hate it there. Right?

Kore: Mm, hate is... I think that if it was the old me, I would never have even stepped in there. But now I feel like... Yeah! I definitely think that I can give it another try! Scarabia is pretty rich too, but it feels more homely? There's a lot of people gathered around and there are banquets and feasts pretty often too. It's always lively and warm... In a way, I imagine that's what a home would feel like...

Ace: ...

Kore: I can't say the same for Octavinelle however. Hmph!

Ace: Bwahaha, that's true. It really feels like you'd get scammed in there pretty quick.

Kore: Not even that! But building a dorm underwater? I admit the decor is pretty nice and classy, but the atmosphere is too cold! There's a lot of types that I can't get along with at all so it would definitely be a miserable time for me. No, I definitely don't want to set foot there ever again!

Ace: I totally get it~ All that commotion after the exams was enough for me too. Guess the same goes for Savanaclaw too, then?

Kore: ...

Ace: HA?!

Kore: I-I refuse to believe that anybody who loves Magift is a bad person!

Ace: There's that meathead in you talking again! Are you seriously that obsessed with it?! I feel like there's a sickness that applies in this case!!

Kore: He-Hey!! That's way too- I understand that what they did was bad, and I definitely haven't forgiven Kingscholar-senpai yet, but there are definitely good points to them as well! I think!

Ace: So you're not even sure?!

Kore: A-Anyway, as for Heartslaybyul-

Ace: Don't go changing the subject!

Kore: - if I had to pick that would be my favourite.

Ace: Huh?

Kore: I love Scarabia too, a lot, but at the end of the day all that rich atmosphere is scary. I really don't feel like I would belong there at all. I'd stick out like a sore thumb among everybody else - more than usual at the very least. But in Heartslaybyul, even if Rosehearts-senpai is strict, I feel like everybody is sort of content with the oddness. There's not much that stands out about it, but I think that's what makes it so appealing, you know?

Ace: ... So... what you're saying... Is that we're a shabby dorm full of weirdoes?

Kore: I-I wouldn't go that far...

Ace: But that's the gist of it, isn't it?!

Kore: Ummmmm...

Ace: ... Alright, I get it.

Kore: Huh?

Ace: You know, it just so happens that there's one more thing I have to tell you about.

Kore: One more thing?

Ace: Yup! You see, there's this tradition where the presenter has to give the 'gift of fortune' in order to make sure this ends up being a great birthday! And it just so happens that you're lucky enough to have me here today to deliver the goods~

Kore: Huh? What are you-

[SPLATTER]

Kore: ...

Ace: BWAHAHA, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST STOOD THERE LIKE THAT!

Kore: ...

Ace: Oh man, the look on your face is hilarious! Oh, let me take a quick picture to show the others too!

Kore: ...

Ace: Ok, so then- He-Hey! Don't- AUGH! MY FOREHEAD!

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland oc #kore hightower #twist oc #twist #twisute oc #twisute #ace trappola #heartslaybyul #birthday event

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ciircumserpent · 7 years ago

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on a more serious / ic note, that therapist + pickle rick video that’s becoming popular now is such a snake v. big boss mood. like listen when i say that i don’t think that big boss is inherently evil, and if we’re going to talk about long-standing themes in metal gear and the cycle of abuse ( which is beating a dead horse at this point with how many posts there are on it, mine included ), then we need to acknowledge that big boss’s status as a villain is caused by the fact that he was a good person who had inexplicable things happen to him, terrible things, things he didn’t know how to cope with, and though he tried a few times to deal with it, those awful circumstances continued to crop up and eventually he stopped trying to fight it and let it make him bitter. he adapted in an unhealthy but unfortunately common way to his trauma -- by enacting it on others; by taking control of what had controlled him to ensure that he would never be hurt again, because of the power he attributed to the people who had harmed him.

the idea that someone is so self-obsessed or detached from their own humanity that they use their ‘heightened’ experience to justify their behavior / their refusal to do the mental and emotional work that it takes to be a relatively healthy person who does not harm others is pretty relevant to this character. you can get into semantics and societal expectations, but the fact of the matter is that some behavior is poisonous, both to the person perpetuating it and to others. big boss remains trapped in a narcissist’s nightmare, constantly afraid of being used and asserting himself as a savior so that he can hear approval echoed back at him from those he ‘rescues’, simultaneously dragging them down with him.

he’s an incredibly tragic character and a large part of this tragedy stems from the fact that he will not put in the work to fix himself. and he could. we know that he can put on a facade and appear well put together; he ran foxhound for years this way. the majority of his allies and enemies don’t think he’s crazy ( that kaz, the one who knew him best, does, says something about big boss, but kaz has his own issues that affect that ). if he put the work in to make that his daily life instead of faking it to achieve his ends, he could probably ‘recover’ -- as much as any soldier could in his situation. and that’s important, that kojima’s scenario is so steeped in realism. for some people it is more comforting to distance themselves from civilian society because what they have seen is so alien and overwhelming that belonging in the ‘normal’ world becomes nightmarishly difficult. it’s why you have veteran hospitals ( most of which are poorly run in this country ) and support groups made up of other soldiers; because if you don’t have someone who understands where you are coming from and knows what you’ve experienced, you can feel isolated or ‘broken’. big boss’s situation isn’t unrealistic in theory, it’s just taken to an extreme for the sake of the other parts of the story.

and we can acknowledge, based off of big boss’s dialogue, that he did attempt to leave his life as a soldier. he tried being an environmental instructor. he tried settling down. he even continued to support naomi even after giving up, as if to maintain that tenuous connection to organized civilization. is it any surprise that he’s not that willing to talk to a therapist, when his negative opinion of ‘two-bit journalists’ suggests that his attempts to open up about his feelings have been blown out of proportion and monetized? big boss is a legend; he is public domain. his thoughts and feelings are a source of inspiration and entertainment to others. he is so bombarded by the concept that he is an idol that i can’t imagine him ever thinking to sit down and sort himself out. he cashes in on this the only way he knows how: he uses it to keep himself afloat, to rope more soldiers into his waxing and waning army, and to perpetuate warfare so that he always knows his place.

because doing that work to be healthy is petrifying. being a man instead of an ideal, what he apparently wanted all along but acted against, would probably feel like a waste of over half his life; he would essentially become a different person entirely. so his motivations, while understandable, while sympathetic ( remember that we’re talking about a fictional character with exaggerated traits and this analysis is not something i would ever presume to apply to living veterans as it’s not my place ), prevent him from healing and moving forwards and not hurting others.

then there’s snake, the deconstruction of the espionage action hero. he is not james bond. he is not indiana jones. he faces the mental repercussions of his missions, sometimes for years at a time, and he acknowledges more than once that it would be so easy to be like big boss, or liquid, or solidus, or all the others who opted out of coping because the benefits of justifying their actions outweighed the cons of putting in the work to recover. snake starts out mgs1 this way, and he tries very hard to be that person, but it’s as much an act as big boss’s collected persona. in the end, he is someone who wants to put in the work, and he does. it’s slow and happens in shuffling steps and is a very visceral depiction of recovery.

by the end, we don’t even know if he has fully recovered -- he still has plenty of problems, in the personal and social spheres. but he’s tried, he’s conceded that he can’t just be a soldier, and no matter how many times he says otherwise, he keeps fighting to be worthy of the life he’s been given by making life better for others. his issues don’t go away; he tends to hold humanity at arm’s length and has trouble forming close relationships, and some of his coping methods are unhealthy. he’s still an ass, he still offends the people around him, but the point is that he apologizes, and he tries to be better, and he goes out of his way to help when he can. he does everything in his power for sunny, for otacon, for campbell, for raiden, and even for meryl. you can watch it play out in mgs1 or you can see the subtle shifts in his character throughout the series as a whole, but it’s clear that he’s putting in the time and trying to change his perspective. and it’s not easy for him, and he relapses, but he wants it, and he’ll sweat and bleed for it. he will not consent to just being a bad person because he could justify it.

it’s the division between victimization and acceptance and breaking that abusive cycle. if you are a victim in your own mind, then you have no control over your actions, and it will always be somebody else’s fault. and it’s okay to label yourself a victim if you have been hurt, but remaining in that mindset forever is unhealthy, because it can prevent you from accepting responsibility for the things you do. acknowledging that you have been hurt but not relinquishing your own autonomy is difficult, especially when somebody else still has power over you. i won’t deny that, it’s hard as hell and extremely tiring and relapses are to be expected. but it is a way to prevent what happened to you from happening to others.

‘the only truly unapproachable concept for you is that it’s your mind within your control, you chose to come here, you chose to talk to belittle my vocation [...] you are the master of your universe [...] i have no doubt that you would be bored senseless by therapy, the same way i am bored when i brush my teeth and wipe my ass, because the thing about repairing, maintaining and cleaning is: it’s not an adventure. there’s no way to do it so wrong you might die. it’s just work. and the bottom line is: some people are ok going to work and some people, well some people would rather die. each of us gets to choose.’

#► headcanon.#|| THIS IS LONG.#|| am i nervous about posting this? yeah.#|| because i don't want to cast veterans or abuse victims in a bad light.#|| and i know that tumblr in particular can be a bad platform for speaking out against a victim mindset.#|| not because everyone is here to take advantage of it.#|| but because it's full of young people who have been told that they're not ALLOWED to be angry or upset or lash out.#|| and that has stifled them and also led to poor coping skills.#|| but eventually it has to change and give way to something else.#|| or else you're just stuck in a horrible place and can't bring yourself to try and escape it because of the effort it takes.#|| and it takes a LOT of effort. a lot.#|| but i'd rather see support for people trying to change than casual reassurance that staying mad is the healthiest option.

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thebluemoonwolf · 3 years ago

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The Mourning Save

Summary After crash landing in the modern world, Oromis has to figure out a way to support the first person he's been stuck with in the last 100 years. What better way to do that with something easy like streaming? Everything is going well until he can't ignore the call to his own time anymore. What he didn't expect to happen though, was bringing along extra baggage.

Chapter 9

Getting up at the literal crack of dawn was both torturous as it was beautiful. You never bothered to wake up at this time back home, so the changing colors as the sun rose and brought with it the warmth of the day was really something else. Epona was up earlier than you, and her early morning hunt with Gaeldr was a welcomed vision in your mind. You shared her vision and watched as she tore apart some animal that you could barely identify with the little colors her vision had.

You were sitting inside Oromis' hut, waiting for Eragon to show up so you could start the training for today. You were currently looking out into the clearing, and Lan you could daydream for hours just looking at it. Back in your world most people had to hike to experience a view like this but Oromis lives here.

"I wish there were places like this back home, I could kill to live in a place like this."

Oromis didn't look up from the scroll he was reading, and looking over you could view a few words in the ancient language. You couldn't read most of it yet, and you were jealous that Eragon knew so much while all you knew was "stone" and "rise." It was almost embarrassing.

"I do remember how a lot of your humans longed for seclusion and some place nice to spend the rest of their days. Cottagecore was it?" Oromis asked. You choked on your spit and had to take a moment to breathe. You didn't think he went that deep into the internet to understand what "core" meant.

"It scares me how much you learned from the internet in such a short time, yet you can barely understand memes."

He gave you a look and put down his scroll, standing up straight and staring you down.

"I refuse to believe some blurry picture with text that says "up at 2am with the boys looking for…" He cleared his throat and said the next part with perfect emphasis "...beans is an acceptable way of communication!"

You burst out with loud laughter that overtakes your entire body. He said it so perfectly, it's like it's fresh from the 3AM deep dives. You try to catch yourself on one of the chairs, but your hand slips and you fall. Oromis is kind enough to catch you before you completely embarrass yourself. When you catch your breath and calm down you can't help but notice how close he is.

"Thanks for saving me from horrible embarrassment, but that was really funny."

You let a few stray giggles escape, and reach up to pull on his ear, and he returned the action. It wasn't violent or hurtful like it usually ended up being, but it was more of a silent affection.

"Ebithril?"

Eragon's voice is like an alarm and you jolt upright, almost knocking your head on Oromis' chin, but he was fast enough to move before that could happen. You didn't turn around, and grabbed your mask from the table, making sure it was secure before turning to Eragon, but both him and Oromis were already outside, waiting on you to start the training.

It started off like it did the previous day, with yoga, but Oromis called it something different. You just stuck with Yoga because that's what it was. It ended the same way too, being all sweaty and disgusting. This time though, Oromis says for all of you to wash off in the stream. Eragon isn't bothered by this and follows Oromis. You followed them down, but getting undressed in front of them? You stall, and stare as Eragon doesn't seem bothered. Oromis doesn't either, and you can't look away. Does this make you some kind of pervert? Oh gosh oh no.

Enjoying yourself? Epona comments. You feel yourself flush such a violent red, that you're grateful for the mask. Oromis catches your stares, and even though his face doesn't show it, you could feel his smirk.

"Are you going to join us, Weasel?" Oromis asked.

It was beyond difficult to keep your eyes locked with his.

"I would like to opt out of this very particular experience if you don't mind."

Oromis runs wet hands over his naked body. It was innocent really, you were the problem.

"Ah, but you have no issue watching, do I have that right?"

You jolt. You try so hard to keep your gaze from wandering but this entire thing was completely against you. So, clearing your throat and keeping your poster firm, you aired a sense of authority, only your beat red face would give you away but luckily that was hidden away by a very well made mask.

"I would rather marinate in my own sweat and filth, thank you."

You stayed by them though, because you didn't want to outright just leave, so you took one of your knives the blacksmith from Tierm gave you, and picked at the ground. You were also shown what Epona was learning from Glaedr that day as well. Some aerodynamics and rules she should follow if she was stuck in an updraft or strong winds were overtaking her. When you showed her what you were dealing with in the stream, you could feel her mental rumble of laughter tickle your mind. She sent you some images of you and Epona in the stream alone when the stars were high in the sky. It made you smile, so you continued to listen in on the flying rules.

When that whole painful ordeal was over with, Oromis took both Eragon and you to a field to meditate and listen to the forest, and then he left, saying to come to him when the forest grew quiet.

You and Eragon looked at each other saying nothing. It was Eragon who broke the silence first.

"Have you known about Oromis long?" He asked. You shifted uncomfortably. It wasn't that you didn't want to answer his questions, it was more about how much you should answer.

"We have known each other for close to a year now, if I am completely honest."

That took the boy by surprise and his eyes lit up.

"You couldn't have been training about being a rider though right? Epona is a lot younger than Saphira isn't she?"

"She is, but she's made up for it in her intelligence. Without her I wouldn't be who I am now."

Eragon understood that feeling well, and you could see it in his eyes.

"Do you think Epona and Saphira get along? I'm a little kept out of the loop from their talks."

Eragon thought this over for a moment before responding.

"I am as well, but Saphira has never spoken ill about Epona in my knowledge."

You nodded.

"Probably some girl gossip. I bet they never stop talking about Glaedr."

Eragon laughed at that, and then you were both focusing on listening to the forest. As you understood it, you had to open your mind up like you do with Epona. When you grasped the idea and let your mind wander in the endless abyss of life, you landed on the birds, Owls, Crows, and Robbins. The vastness of life overwhelmed you, and the image of the poor soldier who you killed entered your mind, pulling you out of your trance.

You tried to focus again, but you could only focus on the birds for a short time before the man's face would overtake your concentration. You got up and started to pace. Eragon didn't seem bothered, so you continued, thinking over the same instance again and again. The man wouldn't leave your mind. Each time you went and expanded your mind to the life around you, his death would follow.

You decided that all this commotion in your head was when the forest stopped speaking, so you got up and left Eragon to finish his training. Walking back into Oromis' hut felt humiliating.

"What did the forest tell you?" Oromis asked. You sat down in a chair defeated as you told him what you saw of the various flying animals.

"Anything else?"

You laid your head down in your hands, feeling more exhausted than before.

"I couldn't focus enough to listen to much else."

He mulled this over for a while, and you were grateful for the minutes of silence.

"I believe…." Began Oromis "...That you have not told me all of what has happened to you ever since you appeared in Alagaësia."

So then you told him what you did when you found the egg in your hands back at Teirm. How you needed shoes, and decent clothes. You told him how you broke in, and how you took what you needed. You told him that the one word he showed you saved your life, and ended another. You told him how you stole the poor man's shoes. You told him of the card games you won because of cheating, and how you stole, and how you swindled.

"I… just…. It was a poor man and I didn't mean to kill him… I was just… scared ya know?"

He didn't move, not really, but he gave you a moment to breathe.

"I know not how to cure your mind or your troubles, that you must do entirely by yourself. But know this, you did the right thing. You had to keep yourself and your dragon safe, and that's what you accomplished. Never hesitate to do that again."

You could only keep your tears at bay, even more so when he came around and placed his hands on your shoulders pulling you into a hug you didn't know you needed.

"This isn't the time I should have returned back to Alagaësia." Said Oromis. "It was further in the future. I was battling another rider, and I was beaten. I severed my connection with Glaedr and demanded he not mourn my death. At that moment I was taken to your world. I was given a second chance and I sincerely hope to be able to make things right this time."

You held him tighter to you. It was nice to finally get things off both your chests. Both of you only pulled away when Eragon appeared in the door. Oromis asked him the same question of what he heard, and Eragon went on and on about ants.

"I'm afraid that both of you have failed the task I had requested. You must listen to the entirety of the forest, not a small section."

Both you and Eragon nodded in understanding, and waited for your dragon's to finish their lesson with Glaedr. While you waited, both Eragon and Oromis had started to discuss various things about the ancient language. Eragon then said how he blessed a child back in the place called "The Varden" . You quickly took notice of how Oromis gripped the armrest in his chair.

"It's possible to give a legitimate blessing with this ancient language? I didn't know it was that powerful…"

Oromis ignored your question and said spoke very quietly,

"I know of this blessing, and the mistake you have made."

Eragon was confused, until Oromis explained the grammar error Eragon had missed when he was giving the blessing, causing the child to be a shield for other people's pain instead of her own. Eragon looked like he had fallen into an endless void and could barely speak. You didn't know how to comfort him, so you waited for the dragons return. When they returned, Glaedr's voice filled both yours and Eragon's head as he asked both of you questions about what the dragons had learned. You were pleased that you were able to answer the questions correctly because of your connection with Epona. She was able to answer the questions Oromis asked her about the various flying animals you observed. Well, at least you got something right. Eragon left that evening, with a cloud of dread over him.

"That's going to eat him alive for the rest of his life… I didn't know stuff like that was possible… guess I'll be careful."

You took off your mask and placed it in your satchel carefully. You didn't need to wear it when nobody important was around. Oromis seemed very distant, probably speaking with Glaedr.

I'm glad we kept contact said Epona you agreed and laughed a little

I couldn't imagine being so far away from you and not have you there in my mind. It feels nice.

You rubbed her neck. Epona was going through a massive growth spurt, and she was coming up to Spahira's shoulder now. It made you oddly uncomfortable, but you couldn't say why.

"Hey," you called out to Oromis, who was looking for something in his hut.

"How fast are dragons supposed to grow? Isn't Saphira around seven months old? Why is Epona getting so big?"

Oromis dropped something pretty heavy next to you that made you jump with surprise. It was a saddle. Well, it looked like a saddle, but I was very fancy and was made with obvious care and talent.

"Every dragon tends to follow a specific milestone timeline," Oromis motioned for Epona to show him her side while he was speaking so that the saddle may be placed on her. She allowed it, only if you helped, so you got up and set the saddle to fit on the other side.

"At a few weeks, they grow quickly, then stall for a week or two while they get accustomed to the income of food they must hunt, and then again a few weeks later. You've had her for close to three months now, and you said she could already breathe fire correct?"

You thought back to when Arya had invaded your mind when you fell from the sky in Hedarth.

"Well.. the fire was in her mouth when Arya was invading my mind… but it didn't actually come out."

The saddle was comfortably fitted to Epona now, and you admired the work you just accomplished.

"Well, all the same. Usually it's only smoke that appears before they turn six months. If Epona can make fire appear already, then she can breathe it. She is growing quickly that is for sure… but as long as it doesn't pain her, she just might be maturing unnaturally fast."

Are you in pain? You asked.

Only when I am away from you.

That made you smile. You felt the same way, having been connected to her for a short time, you two were already inseparable. You thanked Oromis for the saddle, and he explained that while the one he gave to Eragon was for riding for long periods, this was more leisure but he had no others and you had already suffered damage that could have been avoided.

"I have not seen much of Ellesméra other than a city by the border, and some weird ritual that felt odd. When will I have time to explore this place?"

You asked this question after studying a scroll full of the ancient language, hoping to learn as much as Eragon. Oromis gave you an odd look when you mentioned the ritual, but didn't comment on it which you were thankful for.

"You are far behind Eragon in terms of magic and you must catch up for both of your training to be equal. You'll be here a while so I'm sure you will be able to explore it soon enough."

You spent the rest of the day studying the magical language, even practicing a few spells. You had a good grasp by the end of the lesson but you were still way behind Eragon, something Epona did not like.

Study harder! She demanded. She wanted to know as much as you and constantly poked her head in through the doorway or window when she could. You were worried she would get stuck one of these days doing that.

I am trying my best, you know I am not from here, magic didn't exist in my world!

Looking up from finishing the scroll, you realized it was pitch black and you still needed to wash off. Putting everything back in its cubbies you were eager to get clean and head to your bed and be taken away into dreamland. Epona trotted by your side as you both walked to the stream that Oromis and Eragon used previously. You folded your clothes, leaving them a little ways off from the water. Getting into the freezing cold stream was something else, but it didn't look like it bothered Epona at all.

"I'm a little jealous of you Epona. You can't feel how freezing cold this stream is." Epona submerged herself into the water only her head was now visible.

So you say, but I cannot feel the enjoyment of when you step into a pleasing hot shower.

That was true enough… and you did miss a good hot shower.

Epona used her wing to shove water in your direction. You laughed at that and used a few of the ancient words to make a tiny ball of water,, and then chucked it at Epona's scaled face. The ball of water impacted, creating droplets of rainbows scattering around the both of you. When you were both finally clean enough, you grabbed your clothes from the river and dressed making your way into the bed that was provided by Oromis. A harsh clap of thunder scared your soul out of your body. You jolted so hard you wondered if you had hit your head on the ceiling. After the thunder came harsh wind and rain that seemed to shake the entire hut.

Are you alright? You called out to Epona in desperation.

The weather will never bother me, but do not worry, I have found refuge.

That calms you down, but only for a moment as another loud boom of thunder shakes the hut. Your teeth were chattering and your entire body was shaking. Trying to settle yourself to escape into the land of dreams, you focused on counting. It proved useless when your anxiety peaked as the hut felt like it would come apart during what you could only assume was the heart of the storm. You gripped the coverings you had and pulled them close, trying to warm yourself. The rhythmic thumping of the rain didn't let up and only grew more persistent, but you heard something else. It sounded like the rain hitting the roof, but much harsher. You realized after a very long moment that it was knocking.

"Uh… you can come in if you want."

You called to the only person who could be beyond the threshold. Oromis. He crept inside as quietly as he could and shut the door behind him with a click.

"I can hear your teeth chattering from a mile away." He said. You rolled your eyes.

"I don't care what type of advance hearing you possess but there is no way you can hear me over this." You motioned to the outside, and as if to illustrate your point further another boom of thunder shakes the hut. You clutched the blankets closer to your frame and shivered, but at this point you couldn't tell if it was fear or the cold.

"Do you want me to keep you warm?"

"What?"

That made your entire body go still. He wanted to sleep with you. In the same bed. Inches from each other.

No, you are not a pervert. Stop it, you're just disturbing his sleep and he just wants it to be quiet.

Yeah, that seemed reasonable.

"You already saw everything this afternoon, I don't understand what makes you hesitate."

No, you are not a pervert. Not a pervert.

The mantra echoed uselessly in your head as Epona was laughing at you and your situation. Another loud boom shook the hut and you agreed, rather quickly, that Oromis could join you. You and as much room as you could, and he slipped in soundlessly next to you. Neither of you said a word as the hut was bombarded by the terrible weather.

Is it everything you dreamed of? Teased Epona.

SHUT UP! It is hard enough to not let my thoughts wander into the gutter!

She continued to laugh at you. You wanted to break the awkwardness so you did the only thing you could think of. You turned your body, facing him and his captivating grey eyes, and tugged at his ear. He mimicked your actions and pulled you close to his chest. The weather was still unrelenting, but with him so close, sharing his comfort, it wasn't so bad.

"Hug me tighter, please."

He did, and you could feel the pulsing of his heart, it was steady, and so was his breathing. You were as close as you could possibly be, but against him you knew your cover was blown because your heart was hammering out of your chest, your face was hot, and it was difficult to stay still.

At least, you thought, I can finally sleep comfortably.

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Tags: [@overlordspirit18] [@raiikuii] [@panic-based-riot]

#inheritance cycle #the inheritance cycle #oromis #The Mourning Save #oromis x reader #my writings #Wolf's fics

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starlit-serenade · 4 years ago

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Deep Breaths

🌦 Summary: When you start to feel overwhelmed with work and life, you fall into a mindset of anxiety. Thankfully, Yeo Hwanwoong is there to help you feel less alone and much more comforted.

🌦 Word Count: 1,224 words

🌦 Pairing: Reader x Yeo Hwanwoong (Hwanwoong); Can also be read as no pairing / Characters: GenderNeutral!Reader; Yeo Hwanwoong (Hwanwoong);

🌦 Rated: E / Warnings: Anxiety attack / Genre: GenderNeutral!Reader; Angst; Fluff;

🌦 A/N: I uh. Didn't know if you wanted Y/N and Hwanwoong to be in a relationship or just friends so I uh. Made it unspecified. Can be read either as they’re together or not. I hope that's okay! Anyways, I am now in need of a hug after writing this.

You're sitting up in bed, tapping away at your computer. You have an examination at your work in a few days that you need to prepare for, but just thinking about it makes you nauseated. You don't know if you're going to fail this examination. Your work has been laying off some employees as of late, and this examination will determine whether or not you get to stay. In all honesty, you've been doing pretty well at your job and will probably pass. But your anxiety has been crushing you as of late and you can't even think about the examination without feeling overwhelmingly stressed. You're on the edge of an attack. Especially since it's in addition to everything else chaotic going on in the world and your life.

You're alone at home. You live with Hwanwoong, but he's still at practice. He should be home soon, though, and you two will be able to hang out together.

A notification sounds from your phone on the bedside table, and you yelp at the sound. It's not that it's loud, but it's louder than you'd expected.

You swing your legs off of the bed, stand up and grab your phone to check what it is. An email from your manager, titled 'Moving your Examination'. You feel your chest tighten up and set your phone down to check the email on your computer instead. You're telling yourself it's to see the email and respond to it better on the computer, but you know it's because you're procrastinating reading the stupid email.

You click into your email and click on the email itself. You already feel the feeling of impending doom, like you're being swallowed and there's nothing you can do to stop it.

Dear Y/N Y/L/N,

We hope this communication finds you well.

Your examination was scheduled for the day after tomorrow. However ,we realized there was a mix-up in scheduling the examinations, and have decided to reschedule Your examination for tomorrow.

Please let us know if this is not possible for you. Thank you for your time!

You feel panicked at the sight. A feeling of panic and dread washes over your body. You aren't even remotely ready to do the interview tomorrow. The thought of doing it the day after made you nauseated, but tomorrow? All you can feel is dread. Crushing, overwhelming dread.

You reread the email once, twice. Every time you reread it, you feel yourself drowning more and more in dread. You imagine the examination, hands fumbling or accidentally saying the wrong thing to a customer, and being laid off right there in front of everyone. And you feel the last nudge off of the edge into a sea of 0anxiety.

You realize that you've stopped breathing for the past few seconds. You can't breathe. You feel like you're out of your own body, watching as you choke on nothing, suffocate on air as you grow a bit dizzy. And you feel woozy, like you're about to pass out, and your body feels too heavy for your legs.

You fall on the ground next to your bed, one hand gripping the bedsheets as you inhale over and over again. You feel like you can't breathe, like you're drowning in nothing. You inhale sharply, gasping for air, your whole body shaking. Your head is spinning.

You can't speak at this point, or really move. You feel frozen in place almost, as if you're stuck in quicksand and can only move your limbs slowly. And every time you open your mouth to call out to anyone, nothing comes out.

You slump against the bed, and manage to bring your fist to the wall right next to you. You use all of your strength to bring your trembling hand against the wall once, twice, thrice, before dropping your hand and curling into yourself, burying your head in your knees and sobbing to yourself.

You feel a hand on your shoulder, and while you can hear words being spoken at you, you can't understand a single word over the sound of the blood rushing to your ears. You lift your head and look up at the owner of the hand that's gently shaking you, and, through teary eyes, realize it's Hwanwoong.

You blink up at him, confused, but you forget about your confusion when Hwanwoong cups your face in both of his hands gently. For a second, you feel just the little bit comforted.

"Hey, Y/Nie, are you okay baby?" he asks, brow furrowed in concern. You shake your head no, and you're extremely aware of the tears streaming down your cheeks and onto his hands. Oh, what a mess you must be.

"What's wrong, baby?"

You sniff and try hard to catch your breath, but you're hyperventilating too hard that you can barely get a word out. You shake your head at him again, unable to speak and barely able to see him through the tears, and as you once again attempt to speak to him, you start choking and hyperventilating again.

"Shh, take it easy, I can wait," Hwanwoong says, his thumbs brushing gentle circles over the skin of your cheeks in an effort to calm you down. He presses a kiss to your forehead and holds you close, mumbling gentle, calming words to try and help you calm down.

He slowly lifts you up, and you shakingly let him pull you back into the bed with him.

"It's okay, baby, take it slow," he murmurs gently, slowly wrapping his arms around you and rocking you gently. You bury your face in his shirt and sob, the two of you sitting on the floor in each other's embrace as you try to calm down. "You're safe and here. We have all the time in the world, just try to take deep breaths, okay? Take your time."

You nod through tears as you try to catch your breath. Your heart is racing, but the feeling of Hwanwoong holding you, his hands rubbing your back while he mumbles gentle things to you, helps you at least feel that you're back on Earth a little bit.

"It's okay, baby. It'll be okay. Take deep breaths, okay? Deep breaths. You're fine. It'll be fine. Breathe in, two, three, four, five, six. Out, two, three, four, five six. Focus on me baby. In, two, three, four, five, six. Out, two, three, four, five, six."

You follow Hwanwoong's breathing exercises, focusing on his voice and the way he squeezes your hand until your breathing has settled, and Hwanwoong pulls away to cup your face.

"Hey, baby, how are you feeling?" Hwanwoong asks after a long moment of silence, his voice soft and gentle.

You sniff. "Horrible. Absolutely horrible. And tired. Sleepy. Sorry you had to see me like this. I'm a bit of a mess right now." You can feel tears staining your cheeks and your nose dripping from all of the crying.

"No no, I don't mind," Hwanwoong says, shaking his head. "I care about you and I want to be here with you, whether it's at your best or at your worst, Y/Nie."

You smile a bit, curling into his warmth. "Thank you, Woong-ah."

"Always, Y/Nie." He squeezes your hand, listening to your soft breathing until he's sure you've fallen asleep.

#kdiarynet #oneuswewriters #oneus #oneus fanfic #oneus fanfiction #hwanwoong #yeo hwanwoong #hwanwoong fanfic #yeo hwanwoong fanfic #yeo hwanwoong fanfiction #hwanwoong fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction #myfic

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scarecoen · 3 years ago

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Trigger warning ⚠️ domestic violence.

I've typed this story a million times so I'm just going to summarize as much as I can.

A few days ago I was assaulted by my partner's family members. And as I've mentioned, I've typed this a million times and I'm honestly just exhausted thinking about it, but we could use some help.

My partner has always had a transphobic family. (I don't have anyone but my dad, who's in no position to help anyone.)

Her mom used her disability against her and manipulated her into giving her MOST of her checks. She's abused the system and my girlfriend.

When I met Jackie, she was with a terrible biggot. Jackie had came out, and her mother conspired with an abusive long distance ex, to fly her here, to stage an "intervention" and stop my partner from transitioning.

It worked. For years.

I met Jackie here on tumblr, we became good, SECRET friends because she wasn't allowed to talk to anyone.

I told Jackie openly about my views regarding gender and how I myself, was not cis.

Eventually she told her partner about us playing games together, which she responded to by harassing me.

Jackie ended up spilling the beans to me, about her mom, about the ex, everything. I realized that she had been extremely isolated and controlled her whole life.

So I intervened.

I got the two of them to separate, which wasn't smooth because Jackie was scared. She had been with her abuser for 9 years at this point. She's never known anything else.

The ex moved back to her state, and I started seeing Jackie, although she was stuck at her mom's... who was trying to play innocent at this time.

Eventually, I kinda just came and picked her up, she stayed the night, she didn't want to go back home. And I can't blame her. The house wasn't only disgusting, her family microagressed her all the time and they would tell her to pretty much stay in a dark room all day.

Ofc I didn't bring her back.

During early quarantine, we had a lot of self reflection and she started distancing herself from her mother, coming around to holding her accountable for her horrible actions.

Her mom messaged her things like "Why won't you talk to me? It's like you're trying to punish us!" Ect, just every fucking manipulative thing she could say, without ever apologizing.

Unfortunately the place we were staying fell through when my best friend's ex husband decided he wants a divorce and decided to throw in some transphobic hatespeach towards me.

We were all looking for somewhere to go.

I'm sure you know where this is going but listen, she told us EVERYTHING we wanted to hear. She told us she's not hateful now, told us she would go to trans support groups, pride, said she's realized how much she loves Jackie and it's time to accept her- and look- we had NO WHERE TO GO. We have 2 cats and at the time, a car that has no a/c or functional locks. AND I have a chronic autoimmune condition that I recently started taking chemo meds for. (Methotrexate.)

I'm too sick to be on the street, and survive. I had to think about me, Jackie, Zoe, and Boops.

And Jackie wanted to go..

I told her we'd be cautious and try to get out asap.

Well, looking for places right when the housing market crashed really fucked us up. That- and because I had only just finally got approved for disability, means I was set back in life- and had no credit to my name. No credit= no place to live.

I had almost built enough, but things went down hill very quickly with her family. Which leads us to right now:

After weeks of microagressions, giving us breakthrough covid cases, yelling at us to clean other's messes, and forcing us and our cats to isolate in our room, many broken promises, and straight up transphobic hatespeach (because she promised to get vaccinated but then said nvm as soon as we moved in and she went on vacation and got covid and gave it to us, which nearly killed me--) she said not getting the vaccine "IS A CHOICE, JUST LIKE YOU BEING TRANS AND TAKING *gestures to my testosterone* THOSE DRUGS."

We just were avoiding each other while I desperately try to gather resources for us to get out, NOW.

Of course, that wasn't good enough, so when her step father messaged her in all caps about our cats having to stay in our room and "I WON'T FUCKING TELL YOU AGAIN" my partner had a breakdown..

Her mom had let her step dad talk to her like this her whole life, basically.

Out of desperation, we went to her sister for help, maybe hoping she'd give us a place to stay for two weeks while we sign off on the lease for our new apartment.

She pretended to want to help and even said... something fucking weird? She made the comment that I'm a good person and I'm so much like her own boyfriend, that it's "scary"...

A few hours later she came to the house. She talked nicely to us, to gain access to our bedroom.

Then she attacked me.

I called the police right before, and was on the phone with dispatch when she lunged at me because she was aggressively trying to MAKE Jackie go into a separate room WITHOUT ME and Jackie was saying no, BEGGING her to STOP.

I wasn't going to let her take Jackie into that room. She looked fucking crazy.

All of the family came into our room, her two sisters, her mom, and her cousin- When they heard yelling.

It was actually me telling her mom that she's a terrible mother, that triggered her sister to try and attack me- although I knew she was planning on trying to from the moment she came into our room.

And that was after her mom was screaming in my face that if I have something to say, say it now.

Dispatch heard everything and sent emt as well...

But the police stayed outside, talking to them for a WHILE before even asking for us.

Her cousin is the only one that would have stood up for me, saying her sister never should have tried to hit me. But he was in the room with Jackie, giving her support...

I faced the cops alone.

He already had "that look."

He shined a light into my eye, letting the family stay on the porch, throwing insults and just letting it happen. He asked me where I'm hurt, and before I could even show him the scratches on my arm, he said "how do I know YOU didn't put those there?"

I wanted to fucking die in that moment.

This is a conservative city.

No one has equality stickers here. No one flies gay flags. People here that are lgbt- they LEAVE.

This is EXACTLY WHY.

I said "well is there any reason I should tell you anything when, clearly, you're already bias?"

I looked at the emts. I looked at his partner. I looked at all the lights and people coming out of their houses-

And behind me was her family.

Her sister that assaulted me, was laughing about having work in the morning.

All of them were looking at me, with hate in their eyes.

He tried to feed me bullshit about "well if I'm taking someone to jail, there has to be proof."

He dismissed everything I attempted to say, until I just stared at the ground and he decided he did his job here.

I told him my whole fucking body hurts because I had 4 people fucking toss my 100lbs ass all over the fucking room, which was a mess that he refused to look at.

He said "I don't see bruises."

I SPAT "BRUISES TAKE TIME?"

He retorted IMMEDIATELY- "YOU'RE NOT EVEN RED."

I asked what about the dispatcher- she seemed concerned- to which he said "you see, sometimes when people call us- they scream and be dramatic- for a quicker response."

I asked what we could do while the two weeks go by for our new place, and he fucking said "I DONT KNOW. BARRICADE YOURSELF IN YOUR ROOM OR SOMETHING."

Needless to say, we are now safe, in a hotel and I've gotten in touch with a few lgbt organizations that are attempting to help us get justice.

Unfortunately because it's a holiday weekend, all we can do is wait right now.

Our first order of business is getting a protection order, so that we can retrieve the rest of our things without her sister trying to attack us again. (I say us because she kept jumping towards Jackie, like she was threatening to hit her.)

I've been so gaslit and victim blamed that I was too scared to go to the er, even though this all happened in the midst of a flare, possibly including my liver health.

There's so much more to this story, as I'm sure other trans people can relate.. unfortunately.

The emts reluctantly offered to take me to the er, but I was like "and leave my partner here with them?" And he just fucking shrugged dude.

I hate this city.

I want out so bad but unfortunately I've committed to a year, but at least it'll be *our* apartment.

We could NOT stay there for two more weeks. Her step dad is a violent offender that has attempted to murder a homeless prostitute over some fucking pocket change- and he has a GUN in the house.

This hotel might run us into a hole, despite it being the cheapest, shittiest hotel in town, it's still going to be about 700$ for ONE week.

To ADD INSULT TO INJURY, SOMEONE ATTEMPTED TO STEAL MY VEHICLE WHILE WE'VE BEEN STAYING HERE.

I'm feeling incredibly paranoid and unsafe, but I'm on anxiety meds now at least and its SORTA helping us cope (My partner and I have the same Dr and she gave her permission to have some.)

The organization BRAVO is trying to help us with a hotel voucher, but because of all the natural disasters, it's hard to find room in charity for people like us, which is fair enough. We aren't immediately on the street, and for that I'm incredibly thankful.

However, if you or anyone you know wish to help you can donate to venmo: kittyzibby. Or you could just signal boost this.

If you can't help, I understand. And IF YOU'RE STRUGGLING FINANCIALLY, don't worry about it, for real.

Right now I'm just scared we'll go into debt before getting the apartment settled in.

I will update on things once our case moves along more, and we were already considering turning to OF sexwork before all of this, so if there could be support that way, maybe we'll get that going once we get moved in. That way, I feel good about providing a service in return.

Thank you so much for sticking with us during all of this. And really- we're doing much better today. We've given each other pep talks, but we are still determined to start our lives together.

Her family was merely trying to scare me away from her, but I got my girl's name tatted on me for a reason.

I know I'm not the bad person here.

Every time Jackie is feeling more gender euphoric, and showing me her changes, and seeing her get more confident, the more I know that what I'm doing with and for her, is right.

I love her so much. And I will never abandon her, like they tried to get me to do.

Jackie is taking a break from some socials, but she's given me permission to talk about what's been happening.

She needs justice too.

I will update as much as I can, but seriously, I think we both just have a fire under our asses now.

Mentally, we're stronger than ever.

Thank you for reading. My heart really goes out to the rest of the queer community that have experienced or are going through similar things.

It's really made me realize why we need to stick together and fight this bigotry bullshit! 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈

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chipoisanook · 5 years ago

Text

Baby Bird [Part 2] || 2019! Stan Uris x Daughter! Reader

Word count: 3555

A/N: This was long overdue :')

Trigger Warning: Blood, suicide, death, lots of angst :)

The adrenaline was slowly fading away as you stepped foot out of the car, the fight or flight instinct was still all too real. Your dad had always been a quiet man. He had his other characteristics to him, often enough he was quite sassy, passionate about a lot of things, a loving husband and father. But right now the main thing Stan was running on was fear. The way his hands gripped the wheel as he drove, enough to cause his knuckles to turn white, the car filled with such high tension. It was either none of you wanted to break it, too focused on your own thoughts, or, that none of you could.

Stan hadn't even spoken when he left the car. Though, he did make sure you were close to him several times as he made his way into the Town House. "Dad?" Even as you called out to him, voice having an uncertain tone gathered there, Stan didn't answer back as he climbed up the stairs. You let out a small huff before following him up, not allowing the silence to take over again. "Dad?" This time you sounded more urgent, your voice didn't shake this time around, which seemed to be a good sign. Stan finally turned from the bag he had placed on the bed, brown orbs searching around the room before landing back on you. "We're going home." He said. Well, that was all Stan said before he began to quickly pack away the belongs he had taken out before heading out to meet everyone at the restaurant. You shook your head, mouth already moving before you really thought about what to say. "What was that about in the restaurant? We all saw it and you know what's going on." You waited for any kind of response to what you were saying. A head turn, a mumble of sorts, anything to have him acknowledge what you were saying.

But all you got was silence. The only real noise was the voices downstairs, who you guessed were the others who were doing the same thing as your dad. Leaving Derry again, for good.

Frustration began to build inside you more and mixing that with the fear and dread that was also there, it caused tears to well in your eyes. The feeling was too overwhelming and you were fearing something you knew nothing about. Richie said it was a clown, your dad called this thing IT. And you still couldn't shake the look of pure terror that was held in each of them when they realized why Mike had called them to Derry. "Can you please tell me what's going on!?" You finally snapped, hands closing into fists, chest slightly heaving up and down as you finally got a reaction, but not the one you wanted.

Stan had turned to you when you shouted, eyes widened as he stared at you. Yes, this was because it was rare that you both yelled, but that frightened look was still there and clear for all to see. You swallowed back the need to apologize, for now. Your stare didn't leave him when you spoke again. "I-" It was almost like the words were stuck in your throat causing you to not get out what you wanted to. Even upon trying again it was met with your mouth opening for a moment, before closing again. Stan's eyes finally soften as he watched you, a small sigh leaving him before he moved away from his bag. "I can't explain this to you without sounding like I'm insane." Stan paused again, gathering his bearings before continuing. "But I will. After we're out of Derry and you're safe, I'll explain everything I promise."

It took you a while to finally nod, letting out a small "Fine." Stan gave you a sad smile, kissing your forehead before turning back to his bag. "It'll be okay." He mumbled to himself as you waited for him to finish, which didn't take much longer. When he had his bag in hand you both made your way back downstairs, only to hear the conversation between Ben and Beverly with you, Stan and Richie listening. "I've seen all of us die."

You froze at this, Beverly looking over each and every one of you with a scared but serious look on her face, which crossed out this being some sick way of joking around with them. You didn't turn as you heard Eddie coming downstairs, the large bang of what you guessed was his suitcase dropping caused you to jump. "What did I miss?" No one answered at first, not until Richie spoke up. "Apparently Beverly saw Stanley die or something and now we've found out she's seen us all die!" He explained while throwing his hands in the air. Beverly slowly sat down as you looked over to your dad, though his eyebrows were furrowed together, he said nothing. Eddie had begun to pace at this, only stopping when he spoke. "Okay, so, what do you mean you've seen us all die?" Richie nodded at this. "Yeah because I gotta be honest, that's a fucked-up thing to just drop on somebody." You turned to the red-headed woman, who was wiping a tear away. When Beverly dropped her hand she took a shaky break. "Every night... I've been having these nightmares. P-People die, people-"

"There nightmares." Eddie interrupted. "So what, I have nightmares! People have nightmares, that doesn't mean their visions are true." You knew Eddie was trying to make this sound like it was just a coincidence, though his voice still shook as he spoke. Beverly shook her head, close to tears again. "I've watched every one of us die." At this, she seemed far away. As though she was trying to remember all of the horrible nights she had gone through. "I've seen-" You looked away upon hearing the door to the entrance of the Town House, watching as Bill and Mike walked in. Bill looked straight at Beverly, hearing what she had said on his arrival.

"Seen what?" He slowly moved over, sitting down in front of her as she opened her mouth. Beverly took a moment to actually get the words out, but she did nothing less. "The way Stanley had ended up in my nightmare... that's how we all end up." You let what Beverly had said run through your head, the words slowly piecing together as you turned to your dad. "The letters." Stan seemed to have been doing the same thing as you were, trying to fully understand what had been said. But he froze when you spoke about the letters. He knew you knew, even as you continued.

"You were writing letters to them until I came in, that's how I found you. You said something about taking yourself off the board-" At this point, you hadn't looked at the others. Just your dad. When you were home and reading the letter, you almost didn't want to believe what it was saying and honestly, you had almost forgotten about them thanks to the events leading up to this point. You were so busy trying to find him, you didn't have time to allow what you felt to show. "Y/N-" Stan began but you turned away. You looked to Beverly almost not wanting to know the truth to what would've happened, but the words left you anyway. "In your nightmare vision, he killed himself, didn't he?" She stared at you, eyes widened at the question but also something else. Almost confusion carved onto her face as she wondered how you knew.

You laughed at this. Though it came out like you were choking, you didn't need a verbal answer from her. You knew well enough. "Y/N." Shaking your head you turned back, tears welling up in your eyes quickly even when you tried hard to hold them back. "You were really going to kill yourself?" Stan stared at you with wide brown eyes, he didn't try to deny what you were saying, he didn't even shake his head. You almost begged him to do so, to tell you how wrong you had been and allow the panic that spread in your chest to subside. But he didn't. "I couldn't come back here, not after what happened."

You let out a scoff. Stan quickly reached his hand to you, until you backed away. "I couldn't put you or your mom in danger." You felt the warm tears leaving trails on your cheeks, these were the only things allowing you to know this was real. You wiped them away with your hand. "You didn't do it for us. How could you possibly think that would help us?" You tried hard not to let your voice shake or crack as you spoke, focusing on clearing the tears away more than watching your father. So when Stans's hand landed on your arm you didn't think twice about slapping it away. "Don't touch me!"

You looked around at all the shocked faces, before looking back to your dad. His hand was still out, though he began to slowly put it down when he spoke. "Babylove-" You shook your head as you backed up once more, this time your hand came up as you pointed your finger at Stan. "You would rather kill yourself then come face the problem head-on? I thought I was wrong about the letter, I came all the way down here to find you and make sure you were okay, and you were going to leave me, leave mom without a second thought? You're a coward and honestly? I don't think I know you anymore." As those last words left your lips you pushed past where Ben and Mike were standing, and out the entrance to the Town House. You heard your name being called, but that didn't stop you.

You left without even turning back.

***

You had been around the town most of the night. You sat down a couple of times, thinking maybe you should go back and apologize for blowing up on your dad, but then you would think back to it and your feelings would just bring you back to square one. You had every right to be angry at him, and your stubbornness just stopped you from going back to a warm place. So you were left with walking down the streets. It wasn't too bad, despite it being dark and your lack of company. Not many people were out which was fine considering it was the middle of the night.

At first, you were just going to ignore the alleyway that was to your left. You didn't really want to be going down a dark alleyway by yourself and would much rather stick to the main paths which were lit under the streetlights. The quiet crying is what caused you to stop. You peered down the alleyway, waiting to hear it again. Maybe it was just you hearing things, it happened all the time. But upon hearing it again you couldn't count it on you hear things. You reached for the phone in your pocket, turning the flashlight on before you took a breath, stepping forward you followed the quiet sound.

It wasn't long before you saw what the sound was coming from or better yet, who it was coming from. A boy around the same age as you. He was sat with his head tucked into his knees, you took notice of his curly mop of brown hair, it reminded you of your dads. At the thought of him, you frowned slightly but quickly smiled again as you looked at the boy wearing a light blue shirt. "Hey." You spoke softly, even if it still startled the boy as he looked up at you. His brown orbs narrowed because of the light which caused you to direct it away instead. "Do you need help?" At your question, he looked away again. He shrugged before actually answering. "My dad kicked me out." Your face completely fell at this. You used your free hand to move out to the boy, he looked up to it then back at your face. "If it's anything, me and my dad just had a fight."

This caused a sad smile to fall on his face as he took your hand. You pulled him up, letting go of his hand as he dusted himself off. "If you don't mind me asking, why did he kick you out?" Once he thought he was properly dusted off he turned back to you. "I uh, I messed up my Bar mitzvah. I wanted to make a point but he-" The boy stopped as he seemed to be getting upset again, so, you tried to change the subject from his father. "Well we have something in common, I did my Bat mitzvah so we both kinda know how stressful it is." Your smile got bigger at this, it looked like you had found someone in this strange town that you could actually get along with. "Oh." When you realized you had forgotten to introduce yourself you stuck out your hand towards the boy again. "By the way, I'm Y/N." The boy didn't hesitate to take your hand, though you didn't think the quiet male would have a strong grip. You were about to comment, hoping he would loosen his grip or let go of your hand, but then he began to speak.

"I'm Stan, but you should already know that, shouldn't you Y/N?" Your blood ran cold at how his voice changed, going slightly lower as he spoke. You tried to take your hand back, but he just kept the strong death-like grip. "I-I need to go, my dad is most likely worried. It's best I make up with-" You didn't get to finish as the boy began to laugh. It turned from sounding childlike to more demonic, something under his skin began to move, several more following. You ended up dropping your phone to use your other hand to try and claw your hand out of whatever was on you, but it was no use, not that you stopped trying.

"Sweet, sweet defenceless Y/N." You looked up at the voice, coming face to face with your father. He was different though. He wasn't your usual warm and kind dad who helped you with your maths homework, or the scared man you had followed into the Town House. The smile on his face was sinister, his other hand grabbing your arm, nails now sticking in causing you to cry out. "All you wanted to do was to see if I was okay. But you knew all along what was going on, the reason why I wanted to kill myself." You could almost hear your heartbeat in your ears, words coming out in jumbles but still creating a sentence. "Y-You were scared, you-you said it was something to do with the town."

The thing that looked like Stan laughed again, head twitching slightly as he calmed down. "And you were stupid enough to believe it." He sang out. He had finally let go of your hand and you thought you might be able to escape. But just as that thought came, it was ripped away from you as your hair was tugged, a whimper leaving your lips as you tried to move away from the laugh in your ear. "Let me show you what would've happened." You head was pushed forward, but when you fell you weren't met with the concrete in the alleyway. Instead, you were met with a familiar wooden floor.

You scrambled up searching around to be met with your room. That was your bed, and your desk, the same window you looked out of on rainy days. But the atmosphere seemed darker, duller even. You waited until your heart calmed, and your breath evened out before getting to your feet. You could hear the muffled speaking from outside your door which seemed to calm your nerves. It had all just been some weird freaky dream. A smile came to your face at this, you weren't in Derry, and you didn't have a fight with your dad. It was just you and your head.

You quickly opened your door, making your way into the living room. You froze when you saw the people gathered around your mom. They all turned when they heard you come in, all giving you the same disgusted look. Your eyes wandered over each of them, trying to figure out why they were here now, right after what you had just seen. "Mom?" She only looked at you for a moment before glancing away, a letter held close to her chest. You went to speak again but was too late. "So this is t-the reason why he did it?" Bill asked as he looked you up and down, before turning to the others. "I understand why he did it now." Mike was the next to speak, your breathing picking up again as he shook his head. "Just look at her." You were about to call out for your mom again, but Ben stood in front of her. "You've done enough already, you should've stayed in your room." You gulped as you stepped back though you ended up bumping into Beverly as she came in, she gave you a glare before pushing you away from her. "He didn't deserve this." You looked at each of them again, finally managing to get something in. "Please, I don't know what you're talking about!"

Richie let out a scoff. "Stop making this into some sick joke, you're a fucking murderer!" You looked at the ground. What Richie had said went through your head over and over again, you couldn't stop it as you finally looked over at Eddie who, like everyone else, had a glare set on you. "It would've been better if you were the one that died, not Stan." You shook your head, so preoccupied that you hadn't even noticed the tears running down your face. You tried to deny what they were saying as you backed up, but they just followed along.

"I didn't, I didn't want this to happen- I didn't." They all began to laugh at your emotional state, the same as what you had heard before getting thrown back into your room. "If you weren't such a disappointment, he would still be hear." At this point, you couldn't tell who was speaking. You stared around each of them as you backed up, and whatever they were saying just overlapped each other but you heard the taunts and insults clear as day.

When you felt the doorknob in your hand you quickly turned it, moving into the bathroom as well as slamming the door behind you. The voices stopped altogether when the door was shut, however, your sobs continued as you leaned your forehead onto the door. You coughed a couple of times while trying to calm yourself. You didn't need to have a panic attack right now cause you knew whoever was outside that door wouldn't help, instead, they'd make it worse. So you turned around, planning on splashing your face with some water and clean your face up before making a plan.

But all that left you was a deafening scream.

Stans's arm hung from the bath, blood running down from the cuts on his arm and onto the bathroom floor creating a puddle. His eyes were just lifeless, his head resting on his bloody arm as he stared down at the puddle. There was something written on his blood on the wall, and when you finally took notice through the tears you read it. 'Your fault."

Your back hit the door before you fell to the ground, sobs growing louder as you squeezed your eyes shut. You let out another scream as the door lurched forward a bit from whoever hit it, followed by another bang and then another. You moved off to the side of it, back now near the wall as you heard all the losers voices screaming from beyond the door. Your hands moved up to cover your ears, though it didn't fully stop the noises getting through to you. You finally moved, gripping at your hair as you let out another sob and you rambled about not wanting this to happen. You just wanted to go back to the Town House, back to your dad so you could just let him hold you. To tell him how sorry you were and what you didn't mean what you said.

But you would never be able to tell him that.

You closed in on yourself more as you heard the banging become more urgent, though this time, you could've sworn you heard them telling you to snap out of it, calling your name through the haze of panic. But you didn't move, you wouldn't allow yourself to be tricked again. So when the door opened, probably almost being yanked from it's hinges you didn't move an inch. As your arm was yanked you finally opened your eyes, however, the last thing you saw was a bright white light that caused a sharp pain to go through them, before darkness took over your vision.

tag list;

@eggytozier @bellero @viviandarko @creativedogs @lymerien @xbubblesworldx @eddie-losver-kaspbrak

#it spoilers #it 2019 #it chapter two #stan uris #stanley uris #stan uris x reader #stan uris x daughter! reader #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #bill denbrough #beverly marsh #ben hanscom #mike hanlon #once a loser always a loser #the losers club #im dyin yall

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livelovelaug-h · 6 years ago

Text

Irreplaceable you pt 2

Sam x reader

Warnings- cancer: sad times. Angst. :(( Grab the tissues still.

"So I decided to cut out gluten. That was like the first thing that I did. I would just like wake up in the morning and feel like totally fatigued. Just like, "eh."

You laugh. This could be good. Next girl.

"You know, um his job he doesn't really like talking about it." She laughs. ?

Next girl. "You know what's funny I have a cat named Sam."

"oh okay."

"yeah." Nope. "Thank you."

You're writing down on some papers a few notes notes: too slutty. Too needy. Too freaky. Too neurotic.

Next girl.

"So it says on your online profile you were Phi Beta Kappa?" You ask.

"I had no life in college." You laugh.

"And now you're a researcher for the National Institute of Health?"

"Yes. Still have no life. I'm just... I'm just tired of being alone. I'm where I want to be career-wise, and I really would like to settle down and have a family."

She adds: "sorry, Natural caretaker. Also overbearing neurotic."

"I'm the same way." You say. "Um... Let's set up a date."

"Okay. Um, just... If I could just be honest with you, um, I just don't quite understand why a man would send his assistant to pre-interview women. I just... I don't get it. "

"Yeah, um... Here's the deal." She could tell by your face.

"Sally! Please don't hold it against him!" She starts walking away.

"This is the craziest thing like ever!"

You started picking up the papers to go catch the girl but you ran into in the waitress. "Oh, shit. Oh, sorry! I'm sorry! "

"No, I got it."

"It's kind of a long story."

"I... I think I heard it. I mean, I know I shouldn't, but spying on the customers is like the only thing that makes this job halfway bearable. You are way more interesting than most. "

"I know, it's unusual." You say.

"Yo, dude, I think it's awesome. Like, my mom died seven years ago. I was in high school. And after she passed, my dad spent every night alone. And I tried to tell him, "Go out. Live life. Find someone." But not just anyone. The right person. "

"Exactly. Which is hard."

She laughs "Right. imean, do you have any like friends or anything that could like take him off your hands?"

"Yeah his brother but not anyone that would get this girl stuff."

"Right. I mean, the thing is, finding the right one is actually about volume. You should host a mixer, like, invite some people."

"Yeah, right. Nothing says "fun" like a mixer hosted by your dying girlfriend."

"I mean, I'm having an art opening... at this gallery space on Friday. you could use it as a front.You, like, wouldn't even need to be there. And... And an art opening could bring together some really interesting women. Like the right types. Not that there wouldn't be some people there with like interested in the free snacks, but... "

"I wouldn't want to..."

"No, honestly, dude, you'd be doing me a real solid."

you laugh. I'm y/n.

"I'm Mira."

~~~~~~~~~

"A hundred and fifty dollars? This place is a rip-off. I could make this myself one week tops." Myron says.

"Focus, please. We just need to freshen up Sam's look a little."

"Why is that again?"

" Trust me. Any woman that meets him

is gonna want to shop for him. The wrong one will put him in these. He wears all plaid all the time"

"What are you doing?" You ask myron.

"What?"

"You're the only one who gets to make bad decisions because you're dying? Terminal cancer. Put it on my bill. "

"You're just so cool with everything. I'm not cool with any of this.

"I've been dying longer than you have. You get better at it. "

"How?"

"Well, it's like this vest. At first it's, "Why is that old man wearing that horrible vest? Pretty soon I become the vest guy. After that, you realize that you'd hardly recognize me without it. I look comfortable in it. It's a part of me, so... you accept it. "

"I don't think I can ever accept you in that vest."

"No?" He asks.

"Try this on. I want to see what it'll look like on Sam."

"Okay."

"But let me pair it with some skinny jeans."

Laughs.

"Okay. I look three days younger. "

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"These... Oh! They're cutting off my circulation. Seriously, my ankles are tingling, my feet are asleep."

"You look hot!"

"It's just... Can I ask what this is about?"

"Just some retail therapy. "

"Right. And where am I supposed to put my phone?"

"Now... Okay, this jacket is dry clean only. Which means, if I'm not around, do not put this in the laundry."

"I know what that means y/n."

"Oh. Shit. Laundry. All right, so... In here." You walk to the washer and he asks:

"Really?"

" Okay, so... "

" I know how to turn it on."

"Yeah, but colors, whites, delicates."

".. Right."

"The dryer sometimes gets stuck, so, uh, you just give it two kicks. you kick it twice Right here. Like that. And it will generally unstick itself."

Sam kicks it twice.

"Exactly."

"Uh, this dial is the minutes. It tells you how much time you have left.......... um, If the time runs out..... before the clothes are ready, you just... turn the dial."

"Hmm. Wait." You say feeling uneasy.

" What?"

[groaning] "are you okay?"

You start coughing and head towards the sink. You start throwing up.

"yeah I have that effect on women." You both laugh. "Too soon...?"

You say "yeah too soon."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Her and her nightly what ifs. It was adorable though.

"What if I had run away and joined a cult?"

"I guess I would have to join too."

"What if relationships between cult members was frowned upon?"

"Like an asexual cult?"

"Yeah. And you couldn't do an intervention and get me out because I was totally brainwashed."

"Hmm. Well, I guess I would have to become a rival cult leader, re-brainwash you. according to my philosophy, and then steal you away into my cult, which would be a sex cult."

You start dying with laughter.

"What if I were exactly like me, except I had really terrible halitosis. I would get you a mint. Or I would destroy the olfactory receptors in my nose so that I didn't care."

....."What if I die?

"I would...

never recover." You guys cuddle and go to bed.

~~~~~ the next evening~~~~~~

You Sam and Dean are all In the same room.

"Should I be able to tell that you're circumcised in those jeans? 'Cause I can. And there's not a lot of, uh, room for imagination or your penis in those pants." You says.

"I don't want to go to this. I don't... I don't know anything about art."

You: "Yes you do. Would you relax? She just wants people there."

"Is she hot?" Dean asks.

"Trust me, Dean it will be a target rich environment." Sam answers.

"See? Come on, man. Free food, cute girls." Dean says.

~~~~~~~~~

"Come on, let's do this. " you say.

"How exactly do you know this artist again?"

"We met randomly at a cafe, and we really bonded and...

" When?"

' I... I don't know. I just... I don't want to disappoint her.

"Are you sure you can't come?" He asks you.

I- I don't feel up to it. Trust me.

"Okay. W... Well I'll go, just as long as you stop touching my hair.

"Hey, hey, hey, hey. "

'You're adorable." You say and he huffs a laugh. "Stop that!"

"Oh, he can move in them!"

"No, not really Dean."

Sam to Dean "you know i got a ring right before she told me she was 'pregnant and then now cancer."

"I didn't. You know you could still ask her."

"yeah she'll love that." he says sarcastically.

"it might give her some hope."

"yeah, maybe."

~~~~~~~In The car with myron outside the art meeting ~~~~~~~~~~

"Is he mingling?"

"He's admiring the art."

"Sam doesn't care much about art. Nah, he's just hoping if he keeps himself occupied with an activity, no one will actually talk to him."

[Myron] He's very good-looking.

Can I say that and not be awkward?

"Uh, yeah that's my whole point. What about you and your wife? How'd you two meet?"

"At a party."

"We were in college. We got hitched three years later. "

"That's it? No story?"

"The story came after. Getting married. Life. Building a home. Kids, grandkids."

"Sorry".

"It's okay. I won't know the difference, I guess."

"I just want those things for Sam."

"I have to hand it to you." Myron says.

"What?

"You are stubborn. This might be the worst plan in the world, but you're committed to it, and I like that."

"Yeah, well, don't be too impressed. Hasn't worked yet."

"I don't know about that." He says looking into the binoculars.

"What?" You look into the building.

"Let me see that." Sam is talking to Someone. "No, that's just the girl whose show it is."

[Myron] "So?"

"So she's just doing this as a favor to me. "

"So?"

"So, she's not his type."

"Yeah?"

You: "Oh, no. Don't do the snorty laugh.

"Ugh! He did the snorty laugh. Oh, he does that when he's... "

Myron : "When he's nervous."

"Happy."

"Here. Estelle's hot chocolate." Myron says ans hands you a coffee cup. "It cures whatever ails you. Except cancer."

He cheers "to the things we do for people we love."

~~~~~~~ bedtime ~~~~~

Sam walks in your shared bedroom. "I know you're not really sleeping. Because I know how your breathing sounds when you sleep. Which is something you don't even know about yourself."

laughs

"I know everything about you, y/n, But I have to say, you still know how to shock the hell out of me."

"What do you mean?"

"The clothes. The mixer. "

" Sam... "

"For the record, I am not a dummy. I know what's going on. And I went along with you trying to help me because I know it's helping you. But setting me up? Are you serious?"

"Please. You spend your life fighting monsters and researching all the time. Also always Looking after people."

"Sam, most people don't find what we had... have once, much less twice in a lifetime."

"What we have? You mean, a relationship where one person is... is lying, and sneaking around, and manipulating?*

" It's for your own good!"

"You just tried to manipulate my life! Or you mean a relationship where you have such a low opinion of me, that you truly believe that nobody else on the planet would ever fall for me."

"Obviously not. But that's the whole point!" You're gonna get swarmed, and it's gonna be impossible to find the right person!"

"I already found the right person! Or I thought I had." You

"Y/n/n's, I didn't... You know I didn't mean that. Hey, come here. are you okay?" He hugs you in the bed.

~~~~~~~~~ Sam and Dean sitting in the kitchen~~~~~~~

Sam: "What is she thinking? Does she think I'm completely clueless with women?"

"Dean?"

"No."

"Yeah? No.

" Wait, what?"

"you've just never seen me in action."

"Hm no, no and I never want to."

"What do I do?"

"Look, all you can do is be there for her, however you can. i mean, look, she's got to be scared out of her mind. And right now she needs to know that the worst thing happens.... That you are gonna be okay."

You and Myron go out bird watching. He speaks up : Are you ready to drop this mishigas with Sam?"

"You think I should?"

"Here's what I know: You don't have as much time as you think you do.*

" I don't?"

"No."

"What are you trying to say?" You ask heart racing.

"I'm not saying it, the Buddha did."

"I didn't realize you were Buddhist."

"I'm not, but it stuck with me. And it's true for you. It's true for every person on the planet."

[Myron] I need some snacks. Could you...

Oh. I can't believe you eat those things." You say handing him a bag of cheese curls.

"They're tasty."

"The chemo has clearly destroyed your taste buds."

"Try one".

"They're disgusting."

"Keep going. You get to tasty."

[crunches]. "The second bite is actually not as bad."

Myron: Good for you, too.

~~~~~ later at night~~~~

"Okay. Someone... who hikes." Sam says randomly.

"What?"

In the future, if I ever did this again, which I probably won't, but if I did, and if it makes you feel better to know, it would be with someone who hikes."

" We never hike."

'Because you hate it."

"That's not true."

"We took that one hike up Bear Mountain Six years ago, you complained the entire time."

"That's because hiking is boring. It's basically walking. And walking is something you do to get somewhere. Hiking from your car up a hill and then back to your car is totally pointless."

"Okay". he laughs.

"Duly noted." You say. "Hiking.

"Thank you."

"What else?"

" I like dancing." You scoff.

"I would like to try ballroom dancing classes. You know, like the fox-trot or the waltz, even though... "

"It's lame."

" I know you think it's lame."

''The fox-trot? Seriously?''

" Yeah!"

"How about something just moderately nerdy like swing."

"Is this person for you or for me?

"Okay.".

" Good. I get it. I'll update your profile.

"What profile?"

"This profile."

"God."

"You're welcome".

Next morning on a walk--

"So you've been pretending to be me?"

"you're sick you know that?"

"so?"

"okay so how do you like this profile picture?"

"you took a picture of me sleeping??"

"hey come on I've worked really hard on this. No? You don't okay fine. Want to take another one?"

"yeah let's take another one."

"Okay" he sits down on the bench and smiles. You press the button and bammm.

"what do you think of that?."

"oh it's good!"

"uh huh."

"do it in black and white."

Sam: "are you coming to bed?"

(glass shatters) "oh."

"y/n??" He walks in the room. "Y/n what is it?"

"It's broken."

" Oh, shit."

" It's broken."

"It's okay. We can just... We can get another one. It's fine."

'No, we can't! You gave it to me when we were kids.." you cry but he picks you up and takes you to bed. He holds you all night and lets you cry. He knows this can't be easy.

To be continued

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