#| this sh*t out [see. exactly what i mean look at the starter and then look at this. smh]

[stcnefruit]

— open starter.

status - open to all, but pls read my rules and mobile about (pinned post) first before interacting. don't like my starters. muse - vasti inaiê souza gonçalves, sculptor, potter and printmaker. bisexual, uses she/her pronouns. human, thirty. wanted opposites (in order of priority) - m/nb/f, 30+. mocs (muns/muses of color) preferred. wanted connections - literal strangers, an ex, fellow artist, someone they haven't seen since sixth grade, as long as they're a little richer than vasti is (and not related) go literally batsh*t plot - they're on their way to personally deliver one of their commissions but they haven't slept well in over 48 hours (they've slept enough to not get pulled over, they can drive) and really should have hired a truck or sent it through the post but hey they've done it before and the client is right across town (or city, cough) so it shouldn't be too bad right? they'll make it except you just kind of yk. rear-ended them at the stoplight and their sh*t's in the trunk bc it couldn't fit in the back seat and now you might have just f*cked sh*t up if that packing wrap isn't as good as it's marketed to be. potential meet cute with insurance problems and career threatening happenings basically, what could be better than that

— she hears it before she feels it, the way the body of the car lurches underneath her at the street corner. the rattling in the back is too loud for her to ignore, and she's already doing inventory on what she has with her. registration papers, house keys, studio keys, that flat tire kit she's never had to use in her life and hopes she won't have to now, the delivery— oh God, fuck, the delivery. in the trunk. surrounded by a shit ton of bubble wrap and cling film and whatever the fuck else she wrapped it in at 3am two days ago and placed it in its box, but last she checked no flat tire makes that kind of sound like the kind where there's a bit too much metal and you know in your gut you'll need to call your insurance company. both of them, in her case, if the vehicle in her rearview mirror is giving anything to go by. que se lixe isso, this is not a good day. her blood pressure was not made for this. neither was her neck, for that matter, but she doubts there was enough speed behind the impact to cause any whiplash worth worrying about. she unlocks her phone as she steps out, car door slamming closed behind her, insurance already on speed dial. as a precaution she takes a few photos of the other car's license plate, now neatly tucked (along with the front bumper) just barely under her chassis—she is not paying for this shit if she doesn't have to, especially if the driver in question has enough money to be driving a car like that right into her sedan and especially if they might have just jeopardized her commission. three months, hundreds of hours, possibly damaged in her trunk because it's the one day she didn't have her morning coffee and decided to put it there instead of the backseat, bubble wrap or no bubble wrap. yeah, she'll milk every last penny from that payout while she's at it. might as well be pissed for a reason. 'hey,' she says, coming up to the window as it rolls down, 'i'm sorry, this is going to sound so completely fucking obvious and i know this and you know this but i think you just rear-ended me? and there's something in my trunk that i really need to get out and check on before this day goes any further to shit than it already has so if you could please try and back the fuck up, it would be much appreciated. juro o túmulo da minha mãe.' her mother is alive, thank you very much, but it's not like they need to know that in english or portuguese. // @indiestarter

[hostess-of-horror]

A Day at the Diner

[M.B. is my Cadetsona OC, Sean and Nyarly belong to @drusb, and M.J belongs to @sleepy-heads-blog]

---

Sam: "See, I told you hiring a new Cadet would be a good idea!"

Max: "Ugh! Alright, alright! I get it! Sheesh..."

Sam: "The kid's honestly been doing a pretty good job, at least with the errands. M.J. and Geek have warmed up to her rather quickly."

Max: "Yeah, but just wait until something happens where the plot shifts into a devastatingly emotional turn where we all somehow get into a heated argument because of something she did and we decide to split up...." *mumbles* "Hopefully by then it doesn't end with our 'friendship' rekindled."

Sam: "Jesus, Max, what's the big deal? She hasn't even done anything to you."

Max: "Like I said before, I'm territorial, and she's in my territory!"

[Sam sighs. The bell over the Diner door rings. There enters M.B., the new Cadet, all dressed in black from her nails and makeup down to her boots. Her dirty blonde hair is completely shaved on the right side of her head, and the rest fall onto her shoulders. Along with her dark attire is a pair of magenta tea shades, fishnet gloves, and spiked jewelry. She is carrying a small pastel purple coffin backpack, which is covered in multiple pins. M.B. looks around the Diner until she sees Sam and Max in their booth.]

M.B.: *smiles and waves* "Hey guys!"

[As M.B. goes to join them, Sam begins to notice more things about her appearance. It was almost androgynous, a mix of both feminine and masculine. Her clothes are baggy - a pair of cargo pants and a black t-shirt with the words "Dracula" across the front. Below the title was the famous image of Count Dracula holding a fainted woman, ready to sink his fangs into her neck. M.B. sits down across from him and Max, placing her coffin backpack down.]

Max: "Hey Lumpy, where's your coffin? The sun is out! And I think you're at the wrong place." *points to the window* "Hot Topic is that way."

Sam: *bumps Max's head* "Quit it, pinhead. Sorry about that, kid, just ignore him. Anyway, I figured it would be a good idea to have you introduce yourself, get to know you a little better. Meeting each other while in the middle of a monster attack wasn't exactly the best way to introduce ourselves. You know about us obviously, but we don't know a whole lot about you."

Max: "Other than the fact that you kinda suck at the obstacles."

Sam: "You'll get through them." *shoots a dirty look at Max* "I'm sure of it."

M.B.: "Well... for starters, I'm not from around here."

Sam: "Oh yeah, M.J. mentioned something about you being from a... uh.. basically another universe?"

M.B.: "My Paracosm?"

Sam: "Yeah, that. What is a Paracosm?"

M.B.: "A Paracosm is a heavily detailed imaginary world inside one's mind. To put it simply, I came from a universe that I created from my imagination."

Max: "So... you live your life daydreaming and pretend your in a fairy tale land. How... depressing."

M.B.: "I mean, not exactly. It's real, for one, at least for other universes like yours. Almost everyone has a Paracosm. They're just mini universes inside larger universes. In my Paracosm, I'm basically a goddess. I create everything within it. But when I'm outside it, my powers are extremely limited."

Sam: "Powers?"

M.B.: "Yeah! They're illusions essentially, and I can do some pretty neat stuff. I defended M.J. from Brenda one day with my powers. I totally scared the sh*t out of her! I don't think she'll ever mess with him again."

Max: "Brenda? Isn't she that snobby little b*tch that insulted my kids at school?"

Sam: "I think so. How did you scare her?"

M.B.: "I summoned a couple gremlins to chase after her and then cornered her into a massive, decaying wall of flesh where she gets bombarded by large newborn maggots."

Sam: "...."

Max: "...."

M.B.: "Oh, and I also gave myself bat wings."

[A moment of silence. Sam and Max are stunned.]

Sam: "Uh-huh... and, uh... can you still use your powers now?"

M.B.: "Yep! Here, I'll show you."

[M.B. holds her hand up and forms a tiny ball of aura in midair. Sam and Max marvel at the sight; M.B. smirks. She then bends the aura, twisting and bending it with her fingers.]

M.B.: "With this, I can make whatever I want. Although, my personal favorites are anything that's related to horror movies."

[M.B. clutches the aura tightly, focusing her attention into its light. Then the aura transforms into a Glazed McGuffin.]

Sam and Max: "Woah!"

M.B.: "Pretty cool, right?"

Sam: "So this is what Geek and M.J. we're talking about! M.B., this is incredible!"

M.B.: "Heh... I kinda kept all of this to myself at first... mainly because I thought you guys would think it's weird."

Sam: "Kid, we're talking animals that have a human, an alligator, and a fusion of our DNA as our adopted children. Not to mention all the cases we go through!"

Max: "I have a brother who's married to an eldeitch being, for God's sake!"

Sam: "What you have is not weirder than what we've seen before. It's new and we've never seen someone like you before, but in the end, we don't see you as strange."

M.B.: "Really? I guess it's just that... my Paracosm, my powers, and the whole illusion thing are kinda difficult to explain to a lot of people. So, I get anxious.... nervous about being misunderstood. So, I have to keep it to myself. Sometimes. But when Brenda was harassing M.J., I just couldn't hide it anymore. I can't stand harassment and I always wanted to be a protector of sorts. Only in my Paracosm and other universes like yours will I ever make that happen."

[Sam and Max look at each other. M.B. picks up the Glazed McGuffin, twisting it back into its aura form. She plays with it a little. Max sighs, crossing his arms and looking from the booth towards the floor.]

Max: "...."

Sam: "Max?"

Max: "Um... Lumpy... Thanks for... helping M.J. out there. And for being his and Geek's friend."

M.B.: *looks up from the aura* "You're welcome. I'm really glad to be their friend." *gently smiles*

Sam: "Wow, Max. That's the first time you became genuinely nice...."

Max: "Tell anyone about this and I will personally make you into a dog pelt so I can use you for napping, and have Lumpy as my witness."

Sam: "You crack me up, little buddy."

[njadaddy]

Redeem Me - Chapter 2

Erik "Killmonger" Stevens

"What the?" I slowly opened my eyes to the shining light unfolding in front of me. Am I still in Wakanda? The Ancestral Plane? My body felt weightless and aching pains occurred all over me. Sh-t, I guess this means only one thing...

I have to be dead.

Well, this is it. If I didn't accomplish my lifelong mission of avenging my father, the only other choice for me was death. All of my training and preparation have all been in vain, but I can't say I feel bad for myself, or anyone else for that matter.

"You're awake,"

I jumped at the familiar, accented voice. Opening my eyes even more, it was finally revealed to be him - the King of Wakanda himself.

D-mnit, I'm still alive.

"What are you doing here? Where am I?"

"You're in Los Angeles, California. I brought you here,"

"Why?" my eyes still blinking rapidly at my new surroundings. "I told you to throw me in the ocean. To let me die."

"N'Jadaka, you can-"

"Erik,"

"Erik," he rolled his eyes. "You can still create a better life for yourself. You're a smart, strong man with the ability to change the world, in a positive way."

"You're really trying to preach to me right now?"

"I'm being serious,"

"Me too," I sat up, to find myself in the King-sized bed of a hotel suite. "I don't need the son of a murderer telling me what to do. You get to go back home to your family, all comfy and sh-t. I have no one. What do you know about the whole world turning it's back on you? Your own family looking down at you with disgust and not even calling you their own?"

"I have no idea how any of that feels Erik,"

"So why don't you just get back to your country? Be safe and protected and forget that you ever met me?"

"Because you're my family," he kept his cool, even after my little soap opera just now. "No matter how you or our family slices it, you're an Udaku. I cannot speak for my father, Uncle N'Jobu, or Zuri's mistakes. What I can speak for is that I want to make things right. I want to help you, and give you a second chance at living life."

"I didn't ask you to do that," I spat. "If you really care about me, you'll carry out my request and let me die."

"No N'Jadaka," he stood out of his chair.

"That's not my name,"

"Yes it is. You're the grandson of Azzuri, and son of N'Jobu. You will forever be apart of the royal family, no matter what anyone else says,"

"You just won't let things be, will you?"

"Not when things can turn out better than they are," he walked over to the nearby table. "I know things can turn out better for you."

I rolled my eyes at this n-gga's persistence. "Why can't you just be like the rest of YOUR family and leave me the h-ll alone? Has your role of being a King got you thinking you can just do whatever you feel like? With no regard of how other people may feel about it?"

"You sure are the one to talk," he chuckled, as I rolled eyes.

Ignoring his smug glare, I looked around my surroundings. This place looks like it needs high maintenance to function everyday. "Why am I here? What hotel is this?"

"The Four Seasons,"

"The what?"

"I think you heard me,"

"This is one of the most expensive hotels in the country, if not the whole world. How'd you get a room in here?"

He chuckled. "I do have money, you know,"

"How much though? This place costs like hundreds, h-ll probably thousands of dollars just stay here,"

"If you don't know it by now, just be aware that I have more than enough money to pay for our stay," he walked back over to my bedside, with some items in his hands. "This is your kimoyo bead. I personalized it myself so no one else back home knows about your rehabilitation."

"Why? Are you ashamed of anyone knowing that you're around me?"

"Let's just say our family-"

"YOUR family,"

He rolled his eyes, as I let out a low chuckle. I won't just let this guy do what he wants without making it a little bit frustrating for him.

"My mother and the royal council would not take it so kindly if they had knowledge of me not only helping you, but that you're still alive as well,"

"Wow, some amazing people they are,"

"You almost killed me!"

"In ritual combat!"

"Back to what I was saying," he continued. "Let's just keep this between us if you want to live Erik."

"But that's the thing, I don't want to! That's what I've been trying to tell your spoiled a-s for the past five minutes! Don't you get it? If I can't avenge my father's death, then what's the point of even carrying on with life? I've trained and prepared for that moment, just to have it taken away from me!"

"You don't have to let the mistakes of our fathers dictate your future Erik," he lowered his voice. "That's not how life should be. Do you really want that type of constraint wrapped around you? You're so young and have so much potential to do something positive. Take advantage of it!"

"Like how?"

"Well for starters, you have a MBA and a Ph.D in Engineering from one of the most prestigious universities in the world, and you earned those accolades all by yourself,"

I huffed, as I looked away from him. D-mnit, why did he have to make a point?

"Not to mention," he chuckled, looking down. "No one has ever defeated me in bare hand to hand combat before until I met you. I've fought brainwashed assassins and super-serum soldiers, but none of them had the ability to defeat me like you did."

The fact that he's even admitting to being defeated by me makes me roll my eyes even more. I swear to God himself this guy is full of it. "So what are you saying?"

"Let me help you become something more than just a h-llbent maniac seeking vengeance," he looked back at me. "Please Erik."

"You can quit your begging already," I laughed. "Sh-t, for one of the most powerful people on Earth, you sure are soft."

"You're my family. I care about you,"

"Even after I almost killed you?"

He nodded. "You're broken. The last thing you need is more punishment."

I looked down at the kimoyo bracelet, as I hesitantly took it from his grip. Instead of a gray color, it was golden with a slither of blue running through it.

"I'm assuming this is Vibranium?"

"You know our technology so well," he smiled, as he laid a stack of papers on my lap. "This is the file of papers I need you to sign."

"For what?"

"For the psychiatrist you'll be seeing Monday,"

"Who said I wanted to see one?"

"Please Erik, you NEED to see a psychiatrist. That can help you get started on your new path,"

"And where exactly will I be staying at while I'm on this "new path" you're talking about?"

"I already have a residency set up for you just 10 minutes from here. I dropped you off here so you could get adjusted from the events that happened earlier this week,"

I flipped through the stack of papers. Heath's Mental Health Facility? I haven't heard of that place in awhile.

"What time?"

"10:15 a.m. You know how to work the kimoyo right?"

Hesitantly, I replied. I really can't believe I'm doing this. "Yep,"

"Well then you're all set," he stood up and walked into the bathroom. "I just need you to take a shower and we'll head over to your new home."

"I mean, I would but, uummm,"

"Uuuummm, what?" he walked back into the room, as he started laughing. "Oh, whoops. Forgot to take the chains off you."

*Later on that evening*

"Well, here we are. Home sweet home,"

"For now," I got out the car, and shut the door behind me - with my duffel bag in hand. Looking up at the one story house, I had to admit that it was well put together. "Looks cool."

"I know," T'Challa walked around to the front door. "Everything from the real estate to the insurance is taken care of. All you need is your keys."

"Where are they?" I asked, before he handed them to me.

"There's a spare in your bedroom," we both walked inside the house, which was spacious to say the least. Besides the fact that we're in a middle class neighborhood in Baldwin, California (which has me nervous if anyone will call the cops on us), I can't help but to feel that I'll be comfortable staying here. 

"This it?" I called out to him, peeking inside the grand master bedroom.

"Yes," he followed me inside. "Do you like it Erik?"

"It's aight," I laid on the master bed as I let out a deep huff. "I forgot how it feels to be in a nice bed."

"I'm sure you have. You said you're from Oakland, correct?"

"Yeah. What's it to ya?"

"Nothing," he chuckled, as I gave him the side eye. What's this n-gga so happy about?  "Have you contacted any of your friends from here?"

"I don't got any friends,"

"Everyone has friends Erik,"

"Well I don't," Great. I feel even more annoyed than I was before talking to this clown. It's one thing that he wants to "help" me so badly after I threw him off a cliff and almost killed him. Now he wants to learn about my personal life?

"Well, I hope you get comfortable in your new home," a screen uploaded from his kimoyo bead. "I need to get back to mine."

"For what?"

"What's the saying over here in America? Oh yes, it's none of your business,"

I rolled my eyes. "Are you done being an a-shole?"

"I'm being an a-shole?!"

"Did I stutter?"

He took a deep breath, before giving his attention back to his screen. "I will check in on you everyday until you get better,"

"You ain’t my mom or my dad,"

"I want to make sure everything is going okay with you. This is going to be quite an eventful chapter in your life, and mine as well,"

"Are you done yet?"

"N'Jadaka,"

"That's not my name either!"

"Are you finished being so difficult?"

"Nope," I laughed, as I noticed a small smile form across the corners of his mouth.

"Alright then, we'll I'll check in on you in the morning. Just to make sure you're stable,"

"No one asked you to-"

"I don't care,"

"I don't care," I mocked his accent.

"Bye Erik," he walked out of the room, as I followed him. "Oh, I almost forgot!"

"Forgot what?"

He slapped something small and rectangular on the kitchen counter. "For emergencies and necessities only,"

"Man, I got money. I don't need you to-"

"Bye N'Jadaka!"

"That's not my name!" I shouted, before hearing the front door close.

-

Just an fyi, Baldwin is gonna be a made up place in California, where some of the story will be set in. Leave me some feedback please! 

@chefjessypooh @blacklotus-of-the-black-kingdom @killmongerdispussy @bartierbakarimobisson @autumn242 @uhlxis @omg-blackqueen @njadakasrage2 @njadakasrage2 @njadaka-apologist @killmongurl @itsmarshalltime98 @lilmonger @heyauntieeee 

If anyone else wants to be tagged, lemme know! Thanks!

[1358456]

Platinum Version Run, Part 3

Almost done. But for this game, I won’t end it after I finish the Elite Four. No, no, no. Team Galactic has to end. Meaning, I’ll end this run once the whole Stark Mountain shenanigans is done.

CAN’T SEE SH*T, CAPTAIN!

An unavoid-... wait... GASP! It’s an HM that’s not THROWN AT ME! I had to actually FIND IT! ... I mean, it was kind of right there in the path to Snowpoint, but I could’ve technically missed it! That’s... 1/7 thus far. 1 HM that I COULD have missed, and 6 that I absolutely could not have possibly avoided.

Been there before. 135 cm tall, but... snow piled up to a meter. Trip on a small fence that you couldn’t see because of the snow, and... this pretty much happens.

OHH, GET F*CKED! Well said!

Pfft. Frontal assault all the way. What are they going to do? Stop me? ... It turns out that it’s literally impossible to proceed through the front without a key. BOO. Couldn’t you have been like... kick the door open and then just start laying waste to everyone? I mean, what are they going to do? Fight me?

... Isn’t that really, really bad, though? Could you imagine, if you were the only one in the whole world? No food unless you grow it. No house unless you build it. And on and on. You sad, miserable little man. ... Have fun.

Hey, Rakutsu. What are you doing here already?

Honestly, no. I actually came here to get a Razor Claw for my Sneasel. And... well, I guess I also came here to kick someone’s ass. Rescue the Sinnoh Lake Trio? ... Why? Liberate them, so I can enslave them later?

That’s very rude, button. F*ck you. I don’t have to listen to you!

For a moment, I thought I was going to battle him. And I was confused. “I don’t remember whuppin’ your ass in the other playthroughs!” ... But of course. Coward, I say! ... Is this why Rakutsu is his superior in BW2? He says that the player is far superior to him. So he gets another player character who is literally his superior.

Well... On my way to Spear Pillar. I’ve made the journey to Spear Pillar SO MANY FREAKING TIMES in the past that I still somehow remember exactly where I need to go. Heh...

Here’s my team thus far!

Frostbite the Ice/Dark type that doesn’t actually bite. Hasty. I actually went through the trouble of EVing this little f*ck. If I recall, a level 50 Weavile is supposed to have 172 Atk and 194 Spd with a +Spd nature. So it’s pretty close, but... not going to reach it. I think its Atk IV was like 14, and Spd was 24. Something like that. Ugh.

Huhuhuhahaha! ... Ugh. Naive nature. A Garchomp is supposed to have 182 Atk and 169 Spd at level 50 with a +Spd nature. ... So this is ass. A Naive Garchomp at level 50 should have... ... Don’t know the HP, but 182 Atk, 115 Def, 100 Sp. Atk, 90 Sp. Def, and 169 Spd. So I see that this thing ended up with EVs at Def and Sp. Def. ... Blech.

This guy’s holding Amulet Coin for now. It’ll soon go back to holding Draco Plate.

I don’t even use this thing anymore. It’s just a starter with soon to be four HMs for a moveset. I WAS going to give this Surf, Ice Beam, Flash Cannon, and Grass Knot. But it had to be Adamant.

So, Weavile has Strength, Garchomp and Rock Climb, Staraptor has Fly and Defog, and Empoleon has the other 4 HMs. Done.

Another one that I stopped using. Bold? BOLD? ... Your sole purpose now is Fly and Defog.

And of course, when there’s one...

There’s the other.

Timid Gardevoir and Hasty Gallade. I was going to nickname them as “Ruby” and “Sapphire”, but... which one’s which? Then I was going to call them as “Shield” and “Sword”, but... nah. Vanguard the Gallade that’s ironically not in the vanguard of my team, and Gardevoir, whose nickname suits its Dex data of shielding its trainer. ... I don’t want to look at their stats. They remind me too much of my first Ruby version run (Gardevoir) and my first Platinum version run (Gallade). SH*T stats.

But... that’s what I was prepared for when I started this run. I was prepared to feel the pain of horrible inefficiencies and sub-par stats.

Heh. Almost everyone’s holding a Plate because I dug up so many in the underground. Oddly, I did not find a Sky Plate for the bird. ... Meh. Whatever.

Hey, I remember this cave. It’s where you get Adamant Orb, Lustrous Orb, and a Stone Plate. ... Why a STONE Plate, though, I wonder? A Draco Plate suits the theme a lot better. ... Or all 16 Plates too, because why the f*ck not.

And hey, Spear Pillar! I can’t believe I remembered the exact path I needed to take to get here, despite YEARS of not playing a Sinnoh game.

Also, lovely flute pedestal. ... Too bad I don’t have the Azure Flute. Play the thing on the pedestal, which then plays the opening theme of Platinum version, and a golden staircase descends, allowing me to take it high above the Spear Pillar (while seeing through the stairs), all the way to Hall of Origin and battle a level 80 Arceus. ... If only this event was actually distributed. I’d have a shiny IV 31 all Arceus. ... Er... I’d have ANOTHER shiny IV 31 all Arceus. Curses.

But now that I’m here and about to get sucked into a wormhole, I think it’s a good place to stop.

[loveinruins]

5 month long intro..

I wish I started this earlier tbh because I actually don’t even know where to begin but I’m gonna try and fit as much as possible in right now..

Let me give you a bit of background here, I’ve been working with my current employer for almost 4 years now, I’m well respected, a role model, get along with all my managers and most co-workers, pretty much most people love me at work. Soz not soz to sound modest, but it’s true. Basically I love my job but whilst I was holidaying in Europe for 5 weeks, I was questioning if I wanted to come back and continue doing what I was doing..

So there’s this guy - G. He’s a bit of a fuckboy (imo), although he has a good heart, always makes makes me smile and laugh BUT he can really push my fucking buttons like, I can’t even put into words. 

I met him about 5 months ago at work, I had just come back from a Europe trip, had 5 weeks of annual, so getting back into work mode was what really consumed me. When he first started I never even took notice of him. There was a bunch of new starters who came out onto the floor to listen to calls and take notes etc. 

Where I work we have little pods and he sits at the next pod from me facing me but my back is facing him (the way my desk is set up). So all I can hear all day is his voice because he talks so fucking loud on the phone. This is actually what prompted me to take notice of him though, not just his voice but the way he interacted with other colleagues and just the things he would say. I started to notice that he was actually quite funny and would be someone I thought I’d get along with. He just seemed like a really good guy to hang out with.

Anyway when the newbies all started they all got put into teams - there’s five teams in my department. I had one of the guys - let’s called him AC sit next to me. Now AC and G were in training together so they had formed quite the friendship. So as time goes on I get to know AC and I realized that I had met him before because he worked at a shop at Chaddy where I took my brother too. AC and I started to form a pretty good friendship so we started going for lunch together and stuff and because AC and G were good friends they’d meet up for lunch.

So being the fridget fuck that I am, I didn’t really say much or do much to try and get to know him but if the opportunity presented itself I was like whatever just you know, went with the flow.

As I got to know him a bit better, I started to find him attractive. Physically he wasn’t really my type really. I’m usually into tanned, muscular, kind of pretty but bad boy looking guys. He’s def none of the above. He’s not tanned although he is very tall, has a decent build, dresses really well and my all time weakness - he has dimples. I mean don’t get me wrong, he’s cute but just not my usual. 

Ok so to jump back to my point earlier about me questioning whether I wanted to stay with my employer or not, for some guidance I went and saw a psychic/tarot card reader. Now to this day I don’t know whether it was good or bad for me to go and see her but so far nothing she has said has happened as yet. She basically told me that there was a guy who was younger than me who already likes me and I would start off as friends with him for a long time but then it will progress from there. At the time she asked me if I knew of anyone like that, I said yes, there is this guy I work with I think he’s cute and he’s younger than me. She said I think that it is him.

So of course me being the over analyzing psycho that I am - have literally thought about this constantly - it started off daily, now it’s like at least once a week. I kind of wish I never knew now.

Now there was this girl, let’s call her VZ. VZ used to sit next to G when he first started. VZ came up to me and told me that she had noticed him listening to me when I would speak to customers on the phone to try and get tips or if I was talking to my team he would laugh at my jokes. She made a statement that she thought he likes me. So i was like what do you mean he likes me? She goes I think he admires you. I just kind of laughed it off.

At this stage it was still really fresh and we would have a bit of banter here and there and then one Friday night (which changed everything) all of us hung out together as a group. There was like 10 of us.

That night I was completely honest and transparent with all my opinions and I think thats when the newbies really got to know the real me. 

So there was already an attraction between us - I felt before we hung out that Friday night but I don’t know exactly how I felt or what happened because it seems like such a long time ago.

All i remember from that first Friday was that I had stayed out the latest I had ever before, especially in the city after work. I never even really hung out with people from work prior to hanging out with the newbies - so for me it was a big deal.

He offered to take me to my car instead of catching the train because it was so late which was really sweet. 

So from that Friday onwards, we pretty much have hung out ever since. It’s like a known thing that Friday’s is “our” thing. 

We’ve missed a couple because I had plans for a birthday or it was due to a public holiday or being on actual holidays but that’s pretty much it. Every Friday we will hang out as a group so it’ll be me, G, AC and MT - another newbie. 

There are some key things that have happened which I’ll try and explain now..

On my birthday KT and SH had organized a surprise for my birthday, we ended up going to dinner and karaoke after. At this stage he didn’t have me on snapchat but I sneakily already had this number because I told AC i would play a prank on him but I never ended up following through with it.

I ended up deleting it for some reason - luckily though because it wasn’t until I don’t know like 3 months in did he say oh I don’t have your number, and I put my hand out for him to give me his phone and he’s like you want my phone? and i’m like well just prank me and gave me his number.. imagine he called and saw that I already had him saved in my phone.. lol fuck that would’ve been awkward.

So at the table SH was like stop being antisocial put your phones away and he was like I’m talking to a girl from tinder, she’s hot leave me alone.

Now when he said that I literally felt SICK to my stomach because this cunt had the nerve to sit next to ME at MY BIRTHDAY and say shit like that when he was CONSTANTLY flirting with me. Like are you fucking serious cunt?

I was like fuck this shit and was ordering 2 x double vodkas at a time, so you can imagine I was pretty fucking wasted. As we’re leaving to go to karaoke everyones like omg T you’re so drunk you can’t even walk in a straight line and I was like I’m fine and then SH goes to G oh why don’t you go and hold T’s hand? and he said something along the lines of stop trying to force me to do some gay shit like that I don’t know it wasn’t that harsh but still he ended up walking away from me and I was SO hurt that night because I was like this is meant to be my fucking birthday and I was literally so upset I wanted to cry, I think I got a bit teary. So sad but anyways I ended up having the biggest weekend of my life with my mates and I know for a fact he had FOMO because there was literally more than 10gs of coke in a sandwich bag and I had unlimited drinks from all the boys and was out until 8am and woke up drunk the next afternoon, so you kind of get my jist on how hard I went.

I had sent him a snapchat of the coke I had in the bag and he still brings it up to this day.

On that following Monday when I was talking about my weekend I was like so what did you do on the weekend and he goes oh I went on a date. When he said he went on a date I wanted to fucking die right then and there, and I tried questioning him without it sounding interrogating so I was like oh where is she from? who is she? of course he met her on Tinder. I ended up finding out that she was some asian fucking WHORE because he quickly showed a pic since AC kept questioning him about it. At that point i was so upset and I was like you know what fuck this cunt, I’m done. 

Every. single. fucking. time. 

I’m always like that’s it, I’m done. and he just reels me back in again.

He always says to me, I can read you like a book and I’m like yeah thats what you think. but really, he can read me quite well I’ve noticed. I will never admit that to him though.

I feel like he fucking analyzes the shit out of me. 

Like every day he will be like I like your hair or your top or shoes, always with the shoes, he always notices my shoes. He always compliments me, it’s like he just knows exactly what to say to me.

The connection I feel like I have with him I’ve never felt like this with anyone else before. 

One thing I fucking hate about him is he never holds the door open once he has opened it. I’ve pulled him up about it but he’s like what’s the big deal, we were at Nandos once just the two of us and as he walked out I was like thanks for holding the door, and he’s like oh whatever if I was on a date I would and I go it doesn’t fucking matter, it’s called manners. 

There’s been a few occasions where it’s just been G and I and we’ve been alone on Fridays, if we’re not alone on Fridays it’ll be when he takes me home in the car.

The first time we were alone we went and got Korean at Oriental Spoon and everyone that Friday had ditched last minute - everyone of my friends I told about this was like omg you guys went on a date but it wasn’t, he didn’t pay for me and it just didn’t have a date vibe imo. 

Once he took me to a dumplings place he went with when he was dating a vegan girl. We had dinner and it was just kind of normal really. He always finishes my food. Like literally I don’t feel bad for wasting food because I know 99% he will eat my left overs.

He’s taken me to the dumplings place in Oakleigh that he thinks is the best thing since sliced bread. 

We had Nandos that time and recently we went to sienna’s and lamb on chaps.

Our first Vapiano experience was together, he was so obsessed he even went with his mates on the weekend lol 

I should also mention we’ve had dinner with B and he went and told E that he had a really good time with us that time we went to foxes and froyo.

So there have been a few occasions where we’ve been alone for dinners and stuff. Anyway enough about the places we go to eat.

During this whole time, from September 2016 - December 2016 my feelings obviously got stronger for him as I got to know him as a person.

Things I remember about him:

He has an older sister

He has two nieces

His mum passed away when he was little

His aunty raised him and he is close with his grandparents

He doesn’t really have any girlfriends

He used to play soccer

He’s graduated from uni

His dad is an alcoholic and a gambling addict, he went off rails after his mum passed away

He loves geography

He used to work at the salvos

He used to be a bus boy

He bought his own car

He hates when people judge him because he’s from dandy

There was the beach incident where we went drinking at the beach on a Friday night, so it was the usual suspects and AC and MT left the beach to get maccas whilst G and I were at the beach. I had drank a whole bottle of rosé to myself so I was tanked af but trying to be sober. Now in my mind I was like hmm maybe something might happen if he is ballsy enough to make a move but of course nothing happened and I definitely wasn’t going to be the one who did anything about it.

So he kept filling up my cup telling me to drink more and I kind of suspected he did that to try and get info out of me, because from our first “date” I had already told him that I had one boyfriend if you could even call it that because it was when I was 14 so it didn’t really count. He proceeded to ask me oh so what about your ex boyfriends? I answered the usual answer and he goes oh when was the last time you were seeing someone, i go ages ago I don’t even remember. He starts asking me why not blabla and I go (STUPIDLY) I haven’t had sex in 3 years. He was like wow what? what do you mean? why? I basically explained that I just wasn’t into anyone and my focus in my life has been elsewhere and I said to him if I wanted to have sex I could. He then suggested fucking tinder and I go if I wanted to fuck someone I don’t need tinder. He’s like oh ok.. and then makes a statement and says you know what I’ve noticed? you don’t like to talk about yourself. why is that? I go because I don’t trust people. He goes why? then I told him what happened with Judas and he was like oh well you know just because Judas is a shit cunt doesn’t mean everyone else at work is going to be liked that and I go yeah I know i’ve just got my guard up that’s all.

So I don’t usually ask him questions because I feel like really nosey and I hate feeling like that but because I had a few dranks I was like fuck it I’m just going to ask and I go to him so what about you? So he told me about his ex gf (which i already knew about from our first “date”) then he goes oh and i’m talking to this girl atm but I don’t know if i’m really looking or ready for a relationship.

OMG WHEN THIS CUNT SAID THIS.. MY STOMACH TURNED INSIDE OUT.

In my head i was like get me off this fucking beach now, I want to go home.

Of course being the cucumber I am I was like oh yeah fair enough you’re still young blablablabla

The age difference is 4 years between him and I. 

He’s 22, I’m 26.

All I remember was when I got home I was crying because I was like he’s with someone else - he’s seeing someone else, he doesn’t like me. Why does he do all these things to draw me in but never acts on it???

BIG FUCKING QUESTION MARKS

ALL. THE. FUCKING. TIME.

Things he will do are like touching my hair or hugging me or just flirting with me in general. I just can’t explain it but it’s enough for other people to notice which brings me to the next event.

At the Christmas party I felt like things were getting to a point again where something had to give. So I drove that morning to pick him up and on the way to work he goes to me oh I spend more time with you than I do with anyone else, what more do you want from me? I don’t even fucking remember what I said for him to say that but it kind of shocked me and I was like... ok then?

Ok so after quite a few drinks at the xmas party he was sitting in front of me and we were getting a bit close and he was flirting with me and whatever just the usual and as I went to get up I stumbled into him, so picture him sitting down and I’m standing and I kinda fall into him and he pulls me in and grabs my ass. At this point my brain was not processing that the actual fuck just happened. I was like did this cunt, just cop a feel at a work function?!

After the xmas party we went to Vaps and AC was like everyone’s coming up to me asking if there’s something going on between you and G and i go lol we’re just friends.

He’s like are you sure about that? I go yes, who’s asking you? and of course he wouldn’t tell me.

So at this stage I was like fuck we were obviously getting close enough for people to notice. Apparently when I went to socialize he was asking KT where I was and when I came back he asked me to dance, it was cute. Anyway at vaps we ate, trained it to my car and I drove us home. 

There was an incident where he dropped me and MT off and I hugged MT and she was like bye babe have a good xmas see you next year and I go to G k bye and he goes what I don’t get a hug and I leant over and hugged him.

During the xmas break we carpooled once, he came to pick me up and during the shutdown period I would go over to his desk and spend time with him, he would do playful tings like pull my top or he always checks me out.

Like I can see his eyes darting every time he talks to me and I’m like this guy has no shame, he constantly stares at my boobs or if there’s even a tiny bit of cleavage he just can’t help himself. 

During the xmas long weekend he snapchatted me on xmas day and was like Merry Xmas hope you had a good day xx  and I was like Merry xmas babe you too. Are you going out tonight? and then he goes yeah me and mate might go out blabla anyways he ended up calling me which i didn’t think he would and he was like I’m on chapel and I said I’ll come and meet you so me and B went and met up with him and his mate went to chapell’s until like 3am for a chat and that was it.

B literally grilled him though and I think that’s when he probably realized you know what maybe he does like me? I don’t know.....

On the following Wednesday i think it was he went and told AC that we went on a date and I laughed cos I was like umm yeah it wasn’t a date. 

There was another time he messaged me at like 12am and was like you out? I was like no, in bed and he apparently was drunk af and didn’t remember messaging me but don’t you message someone you like when you’re drunk???????????

Before I go on annual during that week he was like oh i’m not gonna see you for 10 days what are you doing Thursday? I go nothing, he goes good cos we’re doing something. Anyway it was dry af that Friday and he made a fuckboy comment once again talking about bitches in front of me and goes to AC oh if there’s any hot asian bitties at your NY party give them my number.

I was legit raging inside because after this whole xmas day sitch he goes and makes a comment like that?

Like he literally makes fucking fuckboy comments to get a reaction and when I don’t give him one it’s like he doesn’t know what to do with himself. 

He just always does shit to fucking piss me the fuck off, it’s like he enjoys it.

So we’re in the car on the way to him dropping me off and all I was thinking in my head was is he going to at least kiss me, if he does what am I going to do? Do I even want someone like this to kiss me after the fuckboy comment he made? Why do I even like this cunt? What is wrong with me?

So I must’ve looked like I was in extremely deep thought because he was singing and he turns the music down and he goes what’s on your mind? I go nothing. He’s like tell me. I’m like how amazing your voice is and he laughed. So I was quick with that but all I wanted to say was why you make comments like that infront of me. It makes me uncomfortable and I don’t appreciate it. But then it’s like well if i’m your friend why can’t i say things like that in front of you?

I just wasn’t ready to be honest and open - I’m still not. 

He drops me off, no hug of anything and I go on leave to the worst holiday ever.

Anyway during that period I didn’t really hear from him that much I mean I snapped him a couple of times, he watched my story and he snapped me too but that week I had off from him was good because I was like you know what I can be without him.

So I come back to work all refreshed, I was pretty toast with him and a bit Elsa because I was like fuck this cunt I don’t know who he thinks he is that he can pick me up and leave me whenever he feels like it. So he was literally asking me for 2 days straight what was wrong with me and I was like nothing.

Really I was pissed off about the holiday being so shit and some other stuff and he had contributed to it too.

On that Tuesday when I came back to work  AC told me he was seeing someone, now I was actually ok with the news but I was more so annoyed because I thought if you’re seeing someone.. WHY ARE YOU SPENDING SO MUCH TIME WITH ME THEN?

We literally hang out so much, at lunch, on the way home, sometimes on the weekend.

AC proceeds to tell me that it’s all gucci, they’re not serious, he’s not that into her and I finally admitted that I liked G to AC.

AC was like it’s pretty obvious, he goes from an outsiders perspective you can tell there’s something there. AC then goes yeah go for it, tell him how you feel. I’m like fuck no so I can get barred cos he’s seeing someone? He goes nah he’s not that into it, I go what do you mean? He’s seeing her. He then goes oh I wish I never told you - meaning he wanted me to confess my feelings for G.

The next day, after being asked 50 million times what was wrong I finally told G it was the holiday and some other stuff and he was like see I knew something was wrong with you. I can read you so well blabla. I instantly felt better that I had gotten it off my chest tbh.

After work we’re in the car and he starts dialling and I was like who are you calling? he goes oh this girl it’s gonna be a cooked phone call shhhh.. i’m like ok.. puts her on loudspeaker and proceeds to make plans with this girl in front of me. 

Now he doesn’t know that AC told me he is seeing someone, so G has no idea and AC told me not to say anything - which I wouldn’t anyway.

So I’m thinking is this cunt for real? I felt a bit sick but I was like T who cares, you’re better than him, he’s just doing this to get a reaction out of you. Clearly the phone call didn’t go as planned for him because she cracked the shits about him not calling her when he said he would and she sounded like a dumb slut 

Either the way he was speaking to her was not the norm because she goes oh why are you being rude for? he goes how? anyway they end up not seeing each other because he was like i cbf and then turns to me and asks me if i want to go for dinner after his plans fall through, i go nah soz i got PT i can’t and all i’m thinking is is this cunt serious? I’M NOT SECOND CHOICE.

Anyway then I go to him wtf is going on, is she like 18 or? he goes nah she’s my age this is why i don’t go for girls my age, they’re all cooked bitches at least i can have a intellectual conversation with you. He basically told me he raw dicked this girl twice thought she was pregnant found out she wasn’t and didn’t want to fuck her off so he was seeing her so he could let her down gently so he wouldn’t look like an asshole.

I was actually speechless.

I tried to explain to this immature fuckboy that by doing so he was leading her on and making her think she could change him, he goes yeah but i told her i didn’t want a relationship, i go it doesn’t fucking matter, if some guy fucked me and then was hanging out with me after and going to dinner and doing shit that couples do then of course i would get the wrong impression? You’re leading her on you need to break it off with her she clearly has feelings for you.

Basically the whole drive home I was giving him a piece of my mind and i think it really got to him because she ended up calling when we got back to my car and he made me stay in the car whilst she was on the phone with him until he finally broke it off with her. like it legit took 40 minutes because he was trying to let her down gently and she jus wasn’t having it. It was actually embarrassing on her behalf because if someone told me i wasn’t a priority i would be like k bye but she was like telling him she enjoys hanging out with him and she doesn’t have feelings for him which was bullshit because why else would you get cut if you didn’t like him? anyway she mentioned how he didn’t see her on xmas day and he goes on i was at home.. umm no you weren’t sweetie you came and saw me.

So i was fine after the whole ordeal, i was just left feeling confused af because he was like i can’t believe i just broke up with another girl in front of you and i go yeah idc. 

He ended up messaging me and saying she deleted him off all social media platforms and thanks for the advice and i was like all good always here if you need and then the next day at lunch he told me i was “influential”. he goes you don’t realize how influential you are.. i was like oooooooh and made a joke out of it and then the banter started but it actually meant a lot to me because i know he values my opinion.

How i know this is because when i make small comments sometimes he’ll make the change, like dragging his feet, wearing blue, breaking up with that girl.

It was when he left without me that next day when i was stuck on a call, that was what hurt me the most, not that he was seeing someone, not that he broke up with a girl, when he left.

I was a fucking mess. I was literally over analyzing thinking maybe he went and saw that girl because he didn’t get the reaction he wanted from me, whether he wanted me to console him and be like it’s ok i’m here for you. Turns out he had a shit day and just wanted to go home without taking anyone home. Logic explanation was def not worth the tears but it hurt that he left without me.

I was literally fighting back tears at my desk and i was like T just be normal and by lunch i was coping ok, I ended up trying to act normal and I left without him that Thursday cos I had PT.

We hung out the Friday, pretty sure it was toast af and I went away that weekend like you know what, if he can’t see me for the amazing person that I am then someone else will.

He mentioned how he message that girl he broke up with like an apology cos he felt bad or whatever and she never responded. I saw in his phone a couple of other girl names in there so I knew he was talking to other girls.

So fast forward to last weekend and I met up with him and his friends in oakleigh with B and it made me realize that he’s still really young and immature and the quality of girls he goes for are fucking trash. I must be a fucking diamond compared to some of the stories he was telling me about these bitches.

His best friend brought it up about if i knew about this girl H and i go no who’s that and he goes not telling since you don’t want to tell me about your friend.

So I played a little game with him really and it was because I wanted some reassurance tbh. I was factiming B and she goes what are you doing tonight and i go oh i think i’m going to go see GF and she goes yeah go and see him he has been dying to see you and I go yeah she’s like what are you going to wear? I go i dunno we’ll talk about this later gtg.

Left it at that and he had no reaction so I was like cool whatevs then.

30 mins later he brings it up in the car and goes so who’s this GF guy I go a friend he goes well how come i’ve never heard of him before and I go because he’s an old friend. I was acting a bit coy and he goes you like him? I didn’t say anything he goes so what natio is he and I go what’s with all the questions? he goes what do you mean i broke up with a girl in front of you and you’re not even going to tell me anything? I go I didn’t ask you to do that. He had no response and he was like fine don’t tell me then and i go don’t use your reverse psychology shit on me and then he laughed. He then goes I thought you only go for 32 year olds, i go no i said up to 32, and he goes and what about younger, i go no one younger than me, or maybe a year thats about it.

I’m thinking did he ask me that cos he wants to know if he has a chance orrr?

This past short week was fine, on Wednesday he dropped me off at my car and was like if you’re free this weekend let me know, call me. I go you let me know if you’re free, he goes instead of your friend doing it why don’t you, pretty much having a dig at me. I go i always invite you places, anyway whatevs. He did it to make me feel embarrassed. 

So now to today I got a snap from him a few hours ago, of him in the car with a friend. I replied and got a toast reply back. 

I feel sick.

I feel sad.

I’m frustrated.

I’ve suppressed my emotions for the past few weeks because I don’t want to feel like this anymore but I just can’t help it.

I really like him. Like A LOT.

I don’t know what it is about it, there’s so many qualities I hate about him that would usually turn me off a guy, but even all those qualities I hate, I don’t even care.

I still like him.

I might message him tomorrow to see if he wants to grab lunch maybe.. I don’t know but I kind of feel better that everything is now written and hopefully I won’t have another dream about him.

Every night this past week I have dreamt about him which tells me that my subconscious is restless and I think it’s because I have bottled up how I really feel about him.

I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. It’s fucking ridic.

You know what I always think about how he always gets close to me, when he puts his head on my lap or where my bag is, always touches my belongings, will always find a way to touch me, will always want to get my attention. 

He made a statement about how I know how to push his buttons and he knows how to push mine. It’s like we’re in sync but not. 

I’m too scared to tell him how I feel because 

1. we work together and if it doesn’t work out i have to see him everyday

2. he’s not ready for a relationship - i am.

3. it could ruin our friendship

4. i don’t want to be rejected

He said the cutest thing in the car on Wednesday about how if it wasn’t for me and MT work wouldn’t be as good as it is for him. It was so adorbs I just wanted to hug him.

At the end of the day all I can say is he just makes me happy when I’m with him and that’s just how I want to be and feel, happy.

I miss him when I’m not with him.

Until the next update.

T xx

P.S this has taken me 3.5 hours to write.