#{ this is stream of consciousness writing i am just writing as i'm thinking it hii }

[lielove]

ever think about ai was just longing to feel something throughout her entire life and that she's empty inside and she tries to find it through b-komachi and it starts out so well it starts out so, so well but then they come to hate her and she can't blame them FOR hating her but she also can't do anything about it. she wanted their companionship and friendship so fucking bad that she used numbers for their names as the password on her phone,,,,

and then she gets with hikaru and she experiences Real Physical Affection for the first time and she's like "holy shit ok" and she's feeling something positive for the first time ever and not hating herself and she could maybe even say she might feel happy sometimes with him but then they break up and she's pregnant

AND THEN SHE HAS THE KIDS..... and she's finally able to feel something whole in her life. she's a mother. she hasn't told them she loves them but it's clear that she still cares so much for them and she's able to show true compassion for someone and it feels so nice.

and then she isn't able to tell them she loves them until she's dying.

just me, ok. : )